12 December 2011 at 9:25 am #2414waikanaeParticipant
I had visited this wonderful website about a year ago when fighting with my husband’s gambling. I didn’t figure out how to handle this issue and decided to focus on my study as I need to make sure I could find a good job after I get the degree. Thing is funny, my husband changed a lit bit as he found I stopped fighting with him. He did change a lit bit and gave 80% of his salary to support our life. We even sorted out most of his debit. Of course there are some things weired happened, such as he said he need money to buy me an IPad as a birthday gift. I think you could know what happened. The IPad never turned up. I knew he is lying, but I just hate that kind of conversation too much and didn’t want to start it. Basically, I should say things are much better than last year. He did quite a lot of house work, cooking, gardening, evening ironing. I could feel he really love me. He is a simple-minded person. So we actually looks like getting closer and closer.
However, things suddenly changed to the worse. I went back to my home country for 3 weeks trip. I knew he was not totally stop gambling, but I feel he has changed such a lot. He should be ok. So I left quite a lot of money for him. He told me he needs to see the doctor. Yes, as you could imagine, when I got back, he gambled every single cents away. There is no milk, no sugar, no potato, no any food in my home. He put all the money in that pokies. I was shocked. He tried to cover, but it is so obvious. We had a big argument and I let him to go to stay in his mom’s house.
Now I got a problem, should I let him back? He came here this afternoon and talked something he didn’t talk with me before, including his struggling, his confusion. I do believe that his will to give it up is quite strong at this moment. He agreed to see the counselor. But I don’t have any trust on him now. However, when thinking of leaving, I do feel very stressful as I am new to this country, still studying, no family, no friends, no job. I got a lit bit saving, but the loneliness I could feel is so overwhelming. Also the finance situation is rather stressful. If keep this marriage, I am quite sure I could control his money tighter. He maybe still do some gambling, but generally he could provide some support to our life.
But on this other side, from the long term view, I know I should leave. He is 15 years older than me and approaching 57 years old next year. He is a nice guy, but how could you believe a guy who could fundamentally change in this kind of age?
However, I just couldn’t stand to think he ends up with a miserable life when he gets old. He is a nice guy, came from a decent family, but badly hurt in his life, lose the first wife by car accident, second by divorce. If I left, it will be the last and biggest blow. Every time I think of time, I just couldn’t help crying. It’s sooooooooooo hard for me to make the decision. I still think he is not that hopeless. He is trying to get on the top of things. He did try to follow what I suggested.
The new year is coming, I want to have a clean life, but also feel so guilty if I left. Should I give him another chance? Am I still in the middle of the journey which a lot of people have been muddling?
Sorry if my words are not that clear.
Thanks for reading,
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