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    • #37888
      kstep85
      Participant

      I don’t know where it all began but I can see where I will end up, 60, alone, no family left, no friends, probably in a small room or a damp flat or even homeless if suicide hasn’t already happened by this point.I have always considered myself to have at least a basic level of intelligence or common sense, so how is it possible to make the same mistake over and over and over again only more extreme each time. I remember the days of £1 bets on 10 team accumulators and they were actually fun. Before you know what has hit you you’re risking £1000 on a team you know little about to score a goal in the first 45 minutes of a match, you’ve taken a £5,000 loan out to try and win back previous money you’ve lost, your mortgage is down the drain and you’ve got an innocent, precious child you tell yourself you care for and provide for who you never ever put first. You borrow money off family and friends, you gamble it as you’re sure you will hot the jackpot this time because you’re gonna do things differently, bet clever, play with profit only, it can’t go wrong. Eventually you have no one left to turn to, you owe several people money, you have debt, unpaid bills, unpaid loans, no games console to sell, not even any clothes that aren’t less than 3 years old to wear. I am at a point in life at 31 where I have lost everything, lost almost everyone and the thought of suicide had become very very real, I don’t really know how to resolve my finances but this feels like make or break. I have completely lost most of myself, the person I am now is unrecognisable from my 22-23yr old confident, dare I say reasonably good looking self. Now I pretty much hate almost everything about myself and my existence has been a constant cycle of losing jobs, gambling to try and stay afloat or pay bills, making the situation a million times worse and then sticking the record on repeat time and time again. Get a job, earn a living, have money which of course gets gambled in the blink, get depressed, leave or lose a job…..repeat. I have just regained a level of functionality about my day to day life, I am now fully focused on starting my treatment in house at Gordon Moody and hoping that it will be the answer that I have sub-conciously but never admittadly been searching for for at least the past 5 or 6 years. I write a lot, this is my first post…..would really like to connect with anyone willing to listen and talk.

    • #37889
      vera
      Participant

      Hi kstep.
      The first post is probably the most difficult to make so well done and welcome to GT. You will get lots of replies in the coming days. I just spotted your post as I was closing down for the night (3.30 hrs)
      Use the Helpline, The Closed and Open Groups and follow the advice. It took me about 8 years ducking and diving on this site before I called a halt to the madness and I’m double your age.
      Maybe we will meet in a Group during the week. In the meantime , stay close to GT, Lots of help/advice /support available.
      God bless!

    • #37890
      kstep85
      Participant

      Hi Vera,

      Thanks for the reply, the words and initial advice. I can see from the forums that you have been incredibly kind and helpful to many others on here so props to you for all you do.

      I look forward to connecting with you more in the near future. You’re a cresit to the site. I was dubious about posting so your welcome is very much appreciated and has given me a boost.

      Speak soon

    • #37891
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hello  and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing.  We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support.  We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment.  The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward.  So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and  terms and conditions so you know how it all works!    

    • #37892
      kathryn
      Participant

      I’m so happy to read you are going to GH
      You can step back, reassess your life, your goals (no matter how small) and start to regain your life.
      I know it seems horrific at the moment, but I promise you, the longer you don’t gamble, the better your life will become, even your thought processes, once all consumed by how to gamble, begin to change.
      You are worth the fight.
      I always see everyone in this community (I’m a visual person) walking a road, some stumble, others are there to pick them up, to hold our hand in support and friendship.
      I wish you all the very best and look forward to hearing more from you.
      Take care,
      Love K xx

    • #37893
      kstep85
      Participant

      Nice to meet you and thanks for the message and welcome.

      For the first time in forever the idea of attending Gordon Moody for treatment has given me a sense of purpose and focus that I have been incapable of achieving on my own for a very long time. The depression that has come alongside the gambling and the debts and financial stress have left me not having a clue how to fix things, what to do, where to turn. I always some how end up convincing myself that I can gamble my way out and each time I take this route I will do things differently, bet smart etc, it is crazy to think I have probably been doing that very same thing for the past 5 years or so. In every aspect of my life I have lost myself, I have no will power, motivation and I always use the phrase “I just eant to be normal again”. As soon as my partner first and now myself reached out to Gordon Moody, my mindest had changed and I have slowly began to drag myself out from the hole i’ve been hiding in. The basics like getting out of bed and getting showered and dressed everyday, making the bed, washing the dishes are starting to become easier to do after feeling so hard for so long. I have registered with a doctor, have taken some new medication every day for 3 weeks, got my head around the scale of how bad my finances are…..but I am in desperate need of professional help and the idea of the Gordon Moody in house treatment is something I actually feel very positive about and desperate to start as drastic and tough as it may be. I am honest enough to know now that currently the only real reason I have ant ability not to gamble is that I have absolutely no funds and am in a huge financial mess. Anytime I get money the temptation is always too strong and I cannot break this cycle on my own as much as I have kidded myself that I could or have in the past.

      I’m still not convinced that I am worth the fight but I know that my family are and my daughter is and the dream of being normal again would be something I would want to live for.

      I thank you for your words, they are very kind and have given me a boost, really appreciate anyone taking the time to reply or acknowledge.

      Hope to continue contact and share experience and knowledge.

      Thanks, K x

    • #37894
      kstep85
      Participant

      I definitely feel like the association will help us massively. It is the first time i’ve begun to fully admit the scale of my problem to myself, those around me and now the good people on here. You’re dead right, I have completely lost the value of money. How can I on one hand be concerned about the price rise of my favourote deodorant but without a flicker deposit £100’s on skybet. Totally totally lost myself, my personality, my confidence, sense of style etc. We can definitely beat this shit and once we’re not consumed by it and almost solely focusing on gamblng or depression etc, our eyes and minds will probably naturally open back up to start seeing things more clearly, feeling more normal again.

      All the best brother.

    • #37895
      kstep85
      Participant

      So for the first time in a very long time my life had a sense of direcrion thanks to being on the waiting list for the residential programme. The key steps along the way for me so far have been firstly admitting everything to my partner and since then I have also admitted evertything to my family. Secondly registering with and keeping in regular contact with a doctor has been a huge positive for me, I’ve taken some tablets to help my mood for the last 5 weeks and they are helping me to do the day to day basics better than I have for the past 5 years.

      Having no available funds has also temporarily stopped the gambling and I have now put my partner in full control of my finances which although some will find tough to do, is very much a necessary step for me before treatment. I can’t bet because I don’t have money and if I did have money I would be betting.

      Part of my struggle is that although gambling has cost me so much, it is something that I had a genuine passion for and also something I had an enormous knowledge about. The problem had always been and obviously will always be not sticking to what I knew, always getting greedy and always adding teams into a bet to enhance the odds. The other thing I am beginning to realise is that because I have lost around £30k over the past 5 or so years, even if I was to have a large win, which for me would be anything upwards of £500, I would probably never be satisfied until I had won back what I lost and furthermore, whatever I would win and whatever I would get to, I would still keep chasing the next round number above. If I won £625, I would then set getting to £700 as a target and so on, all of a sudden you have reached £2,000 but you are now telling yourself that if you play sensibly you can easily get to £5,000 and then you can win the £30,000 you are down over the last 5 years. You lose a few bets here and there, you start to chase, your stakes get more rash and before you know it….you’ve not only lost the lot, you’ve deposited more and lost that trying to win back what you had and then you’re out of money, you take out payday loans or borrow money and lose that too.

      I am just spending my current days keeping the basics going, getting up, getting ready, having breakfast, doing jobs around the house, communicating regularly with family who I have for so long shut out, attending appointments, taking medication and for this my mind and eyes have been opening up again more and more. I will make sure that I give the programme my all, A more normal life with my family is what I want and I will never have this whilst I remain a gambler.

      Thanks for your support guys.

    • #37896
      MrExon
      Participant

      Hey Kstep,

      Welcome, and congratulations on starting up your own post. It’s a big step. I’ve also been commenting for a while, which is great, but it’s always good to tell your own story on your own thread.

      I’m glad you feel like you have a sense of direction. I remember that when I used to gamble, I used to feel lost, without any motivation at all. I’m sure you can relate. Giving over your finances is the best thing you will ever do for yourself. I got paid yesterday, and had my parents not been in charge of my finances, I would’ve probably gambled it all – even though I’ve been gamble free for 8 weeks. It’s incredible how well you can be doing, but the second you have money in your hand, the devil on your shoulder is very convincing. Having none, or very little money is the best way forward.

      How long have you been gamble free? Are you managing to cope? I think you need to forget about figures, and remember that even had you not added teams to enhance the odds, you would still have LOST. This is because you, like myself and many others, are a gambling addict, and winning is never enough. We could’ve all hit the jackpot day after day, I did time and time again, but winning isn’t what we look for. We are gambling addicts, compulsive gamblers, it’s all we know. We convince ourselves we can win, and that we’re going to win, but even if we do, we still lose it. We can’t pace ourselves, we can’t limit ourselves, we have no self control. You need to accept that, or else you will convince yourself to gamble again. I also used to say “yeah, plan your bets, only bet on what you know, you can win that way”, and look where I am. It doesn’t matter whether you can or can’t win – we didn’t win. That’s the point. We didn’t, we couldn’t and we never will. Accept it, or it will kill you, slowly. I know it’s hard to forget about the figures, and “what if I had done this”, or “I should’ve stuck to the plan”. We’ve all done it, we’ve all said it. But we were never looking to win money, we gambled to escape our issues. It’s simple. It’s all we know, it’s all we have known, and if we aren’t careful, it’s all we will know.

      I also used to enjoy gambling because it was fun looking at the statistics, the porcentages, the value bets. I remember it all, and I used to enjoy it. I still would today, but I have no self control, therefore I can’t enjoy it. I’ve accepted that, and it’s something I will have to live with forever. I can’t just gamble a bit, it’s all or nothing, and I’ve tried “all” and it fucked my life up good. I’m now gonna try the “nothing”, and life will be much better.

      It’s great you’re keeping busy – it will help. You will have good and bad days, but keeping yourself busy will prevent you thinking about gambling, and that’s the most important thing.

      Do you have your date for GM yet? If not, I hope you get yours soon. I got mine yesterday fortunately, after an 8 week wait.

      Take it easy, stay safe, and stay gamble free.

      MrExon

    • #37897
      MilkTrayMan
      Participant

      I can really relate to this post – everything you described in the patterns, the self delusion, the inevitable outcomes..

      After going through all that – life can seem like it’s moving in slow motion at first.. but I look at my finances which are still tricky, but would be SO much worse if I hadn’t stopped.. Life is slowly getting back on track for both of us.

      I’m about the same age as you – and had a very similar experience to you – I’m just about letting go of the self hatred and beginning to remember the things I used to think about being becoming obsessed with gambling.

      Take care and keep it up mate 🙂

    • #37898
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Kstep
      I have just caught up with your posts and all your words resonate with me – I heard them many years ago when the CG in my life went into the GMA programme.
      Hang on to that sense of direction – the path is signposted well and there is support for you all the way.
      I like the sound of what you are doing at the moment – keeping the basics going, getting up, getting ready and taking one day at a time.
      I will be following your progress and wishing you well all the way.
      Your future is in your hands, this is your moment, your chance, take it and soak up everything on offer. I know it works if you embrace it fully or I wouldn’t be here writing to you.
      Great positive posts – well done
      Velvet

    • #37899
      kstep85
      Participant

      Hi mate, appreciate the message and sentiments in here. I can definitely relate to the motivation issues, I’ve lost almost all motivation for all aspects of life until I admitted all to my partner and found out about this programme.

      I’ve been gamble free for roughly 4 weeks but this is largely down to the fact I have no money but is still progress and I’ve not taken out any loans or borrowed any money in the meantime. I’m coping well currently, I get small urges still and because football is still an interest I still ponder which games I would bet on etc but this is something that will ease in time.

      A lot of what you have said here resonates with me and makes good sense and I will try and use the best of what you say.

      The HUGE NEWS is that I have just this morning got off the phone from Amy and have my start date. Not long now.

      Hopjng for some kind of access to fitness or sports or gyms during the 14 weeks so I can leave both gamble free, a better person and a few pounds lighter…..weight pounds and not because i’ve gambled pounds away.

      It sounds like we’re both on the right path and long may it continue.

      Good look with the programme. I’ll be based in Dudley. Stay safe and gamble free yourself brother.

      Kstep

    • #37900
      kstep85
      Participant

      Thanks for the message mate, means a lot.

      It is strange how when you’re stuck in a hole, addicted, skint and depressed that the time goes so slow yet as you come out of the other side you really 5years of your life have disappeared in a blink.

      Hopefully we can continue on this path, continue to resiscover your real self and personality from before gambling.

      I’ve just got my start date, the idea of the programme has given me direction and motivation and i’m hoping to run with it. I know it won’t be easy but it is for the greater and the chance of a more normal future.

      Keep doing what you’re doing, all the best mate.

      Kstep

    • #37901
      kstep85
      Participant

      Hi Velvet,

      I really appreciate this message and thank you so much for the lovely words.

      This morning I got up, got showered, had breakfast, did some dishes and put some clothes in the wash…..amongst those basics I got a phone call, Amy from Gordon Moody giving me a start date for the programme. Such great news.

      I’m going to make my future positive and I will embrace this fully, I promise you that much.

      Thanks again for the great words.

      KStep

    • #37902
      MrExon
      Participant

      Hey Kstep,

      Admitting to your friends and loved ones is one of the first steps to recovery (after admitting it to yourself). I’m sure you felt a huge sense of relief after telling them – I felt a lot better. Something that eats you up from the inside out, for that to finally be out in the open makes life that bit easier.

      Congratulations on being gamble free for 4 weeks – that’s a big step. If you can do it for 4 weeks, you can do it forever. One day at a time. Every morning tell yourself “I will not gamble”, and add that day onto the gamble free counter. We can do this.

      I also keep up with sports because before gambling I loved sports – watching and playing. It’s hard not to look at what matches are being played, and my first few weeks of being gamble free I also looked at matches and odds etc, but I have stopped doing that recently. I’m going to watch sports for what they are – entertaining and great acts of competition.

      I’m glad my advice has helped – everyone on the forums here has been supportive, and I’m glad I can help another brother out.

      It’s great to hear that you’ve got a start date! I am also going to be in Dudley on the 29th of August so sounds like we’ll be in together! I’ve spoken to Amy quite a bit this week and she has explained to me that there’s a games room (pool, table tennis, darts), a library, a 50inch TV, so we should be able to pass the time. She also said that after the first few weeks we are allowed to go to the local sports center which has squash and badminton – I am also worried about being locked up inside and not being able to do any sport, but by the sounds of things we will be able to go out and keep fit every so often. I’ve put in 10kg in the past 8 weeks (not sure how) which I am keen to lose as I’ve always been fit, in shape and the right weight.

      Keep it up mate, you’re doing great.

      See you in Dudley!

      Take care, stay gamble free, one day at a time.

      MrExon

    • #37903
      kstep85
      Participant

      The relief has been very real, enormous weight lifted off my shoulders but more lifted from my mind. My mind and my eyes have been so narrow and closed off for years, now that I’ve admitted everything i’m not focusing on the same shit cycle of gamble, lose money, be depressed, lose job, gamble more to replace a wage, lose more, feel more depressed…..so on. All of that crap is kind of taking care of itself with the fact that I now have a plan which is the programme. In the meantime it’s allowed me to begin to open eyes to what’s going on around me, spending time with my partner and daughter etc. Huge relief mate and something all Compulsive Gamblers have to do if they are to have any hope…..come clean, tell all, clean the slate to allow yourself any chance of having a fresh start.

      Just checked, not quite 4 weeks. Last time I gambled was July 7th….nothing since, no immediate plans to gamble and i’m coping fairly well. Now I know it was July 7th I’m going to track the days moving foward, one day at a time and since I’ve obviously got the compulsive gene I might aswell make an obsession out of things like this and also in the future, if I am to have any further addictions then I would choose Saving money as my next habit.

      That’s something that will be so important for my quality of life moving forward, learning to watch sport for the love of it, like I always did when i was younger. Not watching sport and getting stressed as the minutes tick by and my money is at risk. I’ll always have a keen interest in footy, Boxing, MMA, and even things like, golf, tennis…most sports casually.

      Please tell me there is a way we can watch Mcregor vs Mayweather in there??? I DO NOT wanna be missing that fight, it may be a farce but I want to see it.

      Your advice and posting on here has definitely helped myself, I would suggest how active you are on here is helping a lot of the others and obviously keeping your positive mindest ticking for your own benefit too.

      I’m actually starting as early as next Monday 7th August due to some rescheduling. Sounds like i’ll see you in there end of August which is cool.

      Hopefully keep eachother motivated and if you’re up for doing some sports or fitness then it’ll be good to have other people for that too.

      The lack of phone calls home is my main concern but I understand it’s necessary.

      Keep up your good work, stay gamble free, just another day in the gamble free office…..easy money, that you actually keep.

      KStep

    • #37904
      MrExon
      Participant

      Hi Kstep,

      It’s great to hear that you are reliefed now that everything has been told. What you should be really greatful for is your loving wife and daughter being by your side. I’m sure they will be one of your main motivations for staying gamble free (aswell as doing it for yourself, obviously). The gambling addict’s cycle is horrid, I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy. It hurts me to even think how I used to live in the situation I did, but that’s a long story which I’m sure many of you could relate to anyway.

      I bet you can’t believe how quick those weeks have gone by. They’ve certainly gone quickly for me… Keep up the hard work! Be OCD in saving money, loving, caring, working, keeping fit. Be OCD in positive aspects of your life, not in gambling.

      We will learn to appreciate sport for what it is, just like we used to – that will come with time. For now, me personally, I am avoiding most sport as I know it will only trigger old feelings and it’s a gateway to gambling hell. I don’t want to go back there, and I’m willing to sacrifice a bit of sport (temporarily) for that freedom of not gambling.

      I fortunately will be at home then! Unlucky for some hey! I’m not sure how easily it will be for you to watch it, I can always tell you about it when I’m there (although that’s never as good as the real thing). I think your priorities are getting in GM and sorting yourself out – there will be plenty more fights to watch in the future, but there wont be plenty more opportunities like the one GM have offered you.

      I’m glad I’ve managed to help you, even if it be a little bit. Everyone on here has helped me, and the least I can do is put a bit back in.

      Definitely up for keeping fit and doing sport whilst I’m back – don’t worry about that. With regards to the phone calls, we’re all in the same boat, and family will understand. They’re doing it for our own good – it’s all for the best.

      This week has been another fabulous week at the gamble free office – salary used to pay off debts, and NO MORE DEBTS CREATED! If that’s not killing 2 birds with one stone then I don’t know what it.

      Stay safe mate, stay gamble free, and good luck with starting GM. You can do this.

      MrExon

    • #37905
      Kevrum74
      Participant

      Hi kstep , I’m in on the 7th august to, finally we can try be free of this life, ii have been before to beckenham, circumstances I had to leave through my own choice, I can say the 5 weeks I was in beckenham was really nice staff etc, good programme , anyway mate, good luck , and be nice to see you then, I only have 2 hour journey as coming from Lancaster, as far as I’m aware as well 3 people will share a house, there’s 3, beckenham bit different, only 1 house shared by 9 plus’s staff through day, a anyway mate see you on the 7th and keep strong

    • #37906
      kstep85
      Participant

      Hi Kev mate. Nice one, both starting at Dudley on 7th so we should be able to help eachother out along the way. We’ll try and see out the 14 weeks together this time then mate….obviously you had your reasons last time but it’s really good that you’ve committed to giving it another try and wanting to beat it once and for all.

      I’ll see you real soon then bud. I’m actually really looking forward to it. I know it will be a really hard, gruelling journey, but it also feels like an adventure and if it goes well it could make a huge difference to our lives. Life will be good at the other side.

      From your experience, are you literally in the place 24/7 or do you get some chances to go out? I’ve heard after a few weeks you get the chance to go do sport and stuff. What kind of stuff did you do to keep yourself entertained last time?

      Stay strong, and lets give it our best mate

      KStep

    • #37907
      Kevrum74
      Participant

      Yea mate, you do quite alot of activity, football, cinema, bowling, I have a prob with my leg which made me addicted to prescription pills, so I could not take part in football , etc, however, I remember playing pool daily , darts, etc, I currently reduced my meds so that’s why I can go back now, my issuelast time was I found it hard dealing with 2 addiction, this time however, I will be in charge of my own meds etc, so won’t lose focus, I did gamble twice there, very stupid I know, but it happened I can’t change the past, they still was supportive, Im 43 year old mate, need to change my life, around, had a liver scan, done a bit of damage through pills, so got to lose a bit of weight, but I have come to the agreement with Gordon moody, I take my daily 8 recommended dose, as they are a gambling rehab not prescription drug rehab, so I myself will be trying to do more sport exercise, swimming, gym, etc, be nice to have that strength to push me on , this us how my day went in rehab etc, morning jobs to do for 3o mins etc, cleaning, then class at 9 sometimes break in between, after 5 your own time , also after 2 weeks you can go out on your own, your money is budgeted, no smoking in house,was not to bad for me as I don’t smoke etc, activity day on a Saturday, I was in a house with 9 people plus staff through day, dudley is 3 sepeerate houses, as I’m aware, there’s a lot of activity near by, should be really good, shopping 2-3 times a week, as they keep your benefits etc, and give you what you need, you have to hand receipts in on daily basis, it works well, as you can save a lot of money, they don’t keep your money , just budget you, you pay rent weekly for bills etc, was about a tenner in beckenham, housing benefit pay your proper rent, also you can ask for money in a morning, if you need anything, tbf as a really good system, do you have far to come from?, last time I had 5 hour journey this time 2 thank god lol, am I can say mate is its a really good place, its what you make it, and you sound a strong person, like you say, we can push each other, be nice to see you, take care pal kev

    • #37908
      kstep85
      Participant

      Just a quick message to say cheers again and I hope you had a decent weekend and today is the start of another positive week in general.

      My partner and daughter are definitely my main motivation and a life to work towards and for myself it’s all about trying to be the best version of myself, finding myself again, taking more pride in myself…..I always use the term ‘Normal’, I just want to be more normal again. The addiction and depression take everything else away from you so i’m hoping this journey can gradually help eliminate the bad stuff and bring the positives back.

      How are you getting on in general yourself?

      If I don’t get to see the fight then you’ll have to tell me about it, you’ve definitely done well with your start date for that one. Obviously treatment is the most important thing, Boxing and MMA are just my fave sports to watch so if there was one thing I could watch while I was in there it would be that fight.

      Anyway, I hope you’re doing well bud and this week is another good one overall. Keep up the good work of paying off debts, staying gamble free, stay safe and stay strong.

      A gamble free life means we are winning.

      KStep

    • #37909
      MrExon
      Participant

      Hola Kstep,

      My weekend was ok thanks, how was yours? I’m sure you had a good time whatever you got up to.

      I’m glad you know why you are doing what you’re doing. You seem strong minded with a goal insight, and I’m sure you’ll achieve whatever you put your mind to.

      I’m not doing great personally mate. I’m feeling more and more down, and the hole inside me is only getting emptier. 4 weeks til GM seems like a life time away…

      If you don’t get to see the fight, I promise you I’ll reenact it for you haha. I’m also a big fan of sports, and I’m going to miss 75% of the NFL season which is short enough as it is… I guess it’s a small price to pay for what we’re going to acheive.

      Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for me, but you sound like you’re doing great. Keep it up.

      Stay safe buddy, and stay gamble free.

      MrExon

    • #37910
      FamilyFable
      Participant

      Sometimes you look in the mirror after you blew all your money gambling it all away with one bet at a time and hate what you see. A real reality that doesn’t go away. It was pretty bad. I blew my rent money 3 times but the first 2 times I got bailed out by friends. That didn’t help at all. That just showed me that I can have people who were feeding my addiction so bad. The last time I blew all my money. I ended up in the homeless shelter for 2 and half weeks until a new friend let me stay with her rent free for a week until I get paid again. That was so nice of her but I hit rock bottom. Which I needed to do in a way. That showed me a lesson that I will always remember. I always thought I could be on top if I laid down one more bet but all I was doing was throwing my life away with the roll of the dice. I couldn’t stop myself even if my life was on the line. I don’t know why I could be so stupid. I knew the consequences but I couldn’t stop myself from throwing it all away. I wish someone would of grabbed me by the hand into treatment because that is what I needed at the time…..

    • #37911
      kstep85
      Participant

      The countdown is on to my official start date at GM on 7th August. It’s all getting very real but i’m ready to give this 14 weeks my all and hope to change the course of my life to a gambling free one.

      On my list of things to do throughout the course of my treatment:

      – Not place a single bet the whole time i’m there
      – Get fit and healthy and hopefully in some decent shape by regularly working out
      – Start reading and getting into books
      – Grow a beard for 14 weeks
      – Make my family, friends and each and every member on this site proud of me.
      – Give myself a future
      – Meet some of you great people along the way and help and support eachother
      – Hopefully somehow still catch the Mayweather v Mcgregor fight

      I hope to meet many of you along the way and to come out of the other side knowing I gave it my all and to hopefully be gamble free.

      Go forth and be strong people!!

      For today I will not gamble, For today I will save my money.

      KStep

    • #37912
      kathryn
      Participant

      I wish you well!!!
      You sound so positive and upbeat, I loved reading your last post.
      There is nothing like GM in Australia that I know of, so take every opportunity, use every resource, make the absolute most of your stay there.
      I will be looking out for your post when you get out!
      Take care (don’t get too hairy!!!!)
      Love K xxx

    • #37913
      vera
      Participant

      Great to read your “Plan”!
      Growing the beard could be a symbol of gaining wisdom! LOL!
      I would suggest adding “Keep it simple”to your list.
      Well done on your preparation.

    • #37914
      2017shaun
      Participant

      Good luck kstep. Looking forward to meeting you in the future.
      Sure you will do yourself proud and your friends and family. All the best brother. Have a nice weekend. Take it easy

    • #37915
      Kevrum74
      Participant

      Only a couple of days left kstep, you got your arrival time etc,
      I myself want to lose weight , keep fit, also if possible do my driving theory I’m 43 year old about time , I won’t attempt it if affects my recovery etc, all we can do pal take each day as it comes, see you down there ,

    • #37916
      kstep85
      Participant

      Thanks again for the message and support.

      As soon as I admitted the scale of the problem to my partner and also went to see my Doctor regarding some fairly regular thoughts about suicide it lifted a lot of the initial weight of worry from my mind and daily life.

      Getting in touch with GM then followed and gave me a plan and sense of direction that I had been trying to gamble my way to. A gamble free life will actually very slowly allow me to get out of debt and eliminate the financial worries and depression that has ran alongside this for a number of years.

      If you are a CG then simply put, it is impossible to fix things yourself without help from professionals or this kind of community. The average person and also family can’t understand things to the extent you nees them to.

      Ever since I admitted things fully to my partner, family, registered with a doctor and applied for a place with GM…..I have become incredibly positive, motivated and have a sense of direction. It feels amazing!!!!! The journey is only just beginning and the hardest parts may be yet to come but I am ready.

      Right now I am gamble free but only because I have no job, no money and i’m out of all sources of money and have debts and unpaid loans. If I was working and I got a wage I wouldn’t pay my debts, bills, even mortgage payments would be at risk. So although I am gamble free, this treatment is way overdue and I have a long way to go.

      It is amazing how shallow your mind becomes in the thick of being a CG, it takes over everything, takes everything else away from you. It’s almost as if you lose complete grip of reality and the severity of your actions is not something you are aware of. You spend a lifetime not overpaying for food shopping, not going to a restaurant because the £20 steak is too expensive, not buying the nike trainers because £70 is crazy money for shoes. In one night, in your own house, staring into a mobile phone you lose £2000 in the space of a few hours.

      I will definitely take this opportunity and hope you youself continue on this journey. I would hope there would be some kind of programme in Australia but may take some extensive research to try and find something. GM does seem like a special organisation for sure. Get yourself over here!!

      I can’t promise I won’t get too hairy but it’s kind of a strange motivator for me that I will earn the right for the reward of shaving off a 14week beard upon completion of the programme. I already have 6weeks of beard to start me off.

      I will post when I get out and will look to continue within this community.

      I will make you proud.

      Much Love
      KStep x

    • #37917
      kstep85
      Participant

      Haha, It would be great if the beard brings some wisdom…..I sure could do with some.

      6 weeks beard growth before I enter GM plus the 14 weeks in there. I may even come out of there with a sense of direction in terms of career and will be readily available for Viking or Wizard TV Extra roles.

      Keep it simple is probably the most sound and important advice and has been added to my list thanks to you.

      Keep doing what you are doing Vera, one day at a time.

      For today I will not gamble, for today I will save my money and myself.

      The weekend is upon us, my last weekend before heading off to Dudley. Hope you have a great weekend yourself.

      KStep x

    • #37918
      kstep85
      Participant

      Appreciate it big man!! Very much looking forward to hopefully meeting you in Dudley.

      What kind of interests, hobbies, sports etc you into mate?

      We’ll keep eachother on the right path and motivate eachother aling the way. Gonna be some good and bad days, ups and downs. Unfortunately 14weeks away from my partner, there is going to be a highly frustrating lack of in and outs!!

      We’re taking the right steps, just need to keep putting one foot infront of another and taking things one day at a time.

      Have a top weekend Shaun mate.

      Cheers for the support.
      KStep

    • #37919
      kstep85
      Participant

      Indeed my friend. As Friday ends, 2 more days of family time remains before the real hard work begins.

      Trying to look at it as an adventure starting with a 4hour train journey up to Dudley.

      Ideally I was meant to get there between 10am and 1pm but the train prices were allover the place. The fairest deal got me a train which gets me there for around 1.20pm on Monday afternoon.

      May sound like a silly question…..are you just literally taking clothes in? What kind of stuff you taking?

      Hopefully we can do some fitness stuff and shed some pounds together. I’m 32 and I also need to sort my driving out. Maybe we can get our heads round some of that stuff together too.

      We’ll get a good idea of what we can and can’t do over the first few days I guess.

      Like you say, take each day as it comes and try and have as many good days as possible.

      Will be good to meet you there mate and it’s cool we’re starting same time. I’ll try and support you where I can mate.

      Have a good weekend and make the most of it.

      KStep

    • #37920
      kstep85
      Participant

      Hola Exon, the one and only.

      I’ve caught up with your journey and followed your posts lately bud and honestly you’ve got so much wisdom beyond your years. I envy your age and once you’re out the other side of all this you’ll be living the dream again for yourself and me.

      We’re definitely on a journey of many ups and downs, good days and bad days but we’re committed to the journey and admitting the situation is he best thing we could have done.

      The fact that you post on here with honesty, integrity and detail is to be commended and is all part of the necessary process. Getting things out there in any way shape or form, off your chest, out your mind is something that should only help and seems to be good for you. You sound like you’ve had some good and bad days for sure and some testing stuff with your immediate support network. Ultimately you’re heading to the right place now and the key will be the acces we get to professional help, people who understand and people who know what they are taking about. The average person and or friends / family / parents are not qualified to give us the support or advice that we need, they don’t have the tools to do so. Very few people will ever understand what all of this is like. That doesn’t make it any easier in the moment when you’re getting shit off your parents or not feeling supported.

      Although GM feels like a while away, it will come and when it does and you get your head fully in the game and focus on the programme, I really do think you’re gonna fly mate. You’ve got wisdom and you will be able to use some of your anger and frustration along the way for the good of the treatment. It’s not selfish to initially concentrate on sorting your life out and making yourself happy, being happy in life is pretty much the main reason we’re here. Easier fucking said than done eh!!!?

      Just try and stay on the right path as best you can. Stay gamble free and continue to eliminate your debts.

      Stay safe but enjoy yourself within reason. Don’t get completely off your face 7 nights a week but definitely have a drink for me once a week until you start at GM.

      Like you say, small prices to pay for the greater good.

      I still wanna see the fight tho!!!!!

      I’m doing well currently but the damage that I have already caused will take some serious fixing.

      Look after yourself bro and hopefully see you soon. Look me ul when you get there.

      KStep

    • #37921
      2017shaun
      Participant

      Haven’t really got any hobbies. Gambling took most of my time up to be honest. I’ll play footy (not any good tho) boxing. Good fitness or something I suppose. I go with the flow.
      I no mate 14 weeks.. I have children as well. Going to be hard no doubt but if it can help towards a positive future, finding a way out of this mind set. I’m 100% committed.
      Reading would be great ( i don’t read myself) but it’s all in our head. You have to train the brain.
      All the best

    • #37922
      Kevrum74
      Participant

      Stuff I’m taking mate is,
      Theory books
      Wife mp3 player lol
      Medication
      Just toiletries etc
      Clothes , few t shirts, only got 1 pair of trainers
      Towels etc, nothing out of ordinary

      First 2 weeks .. We don’t do no work , just watch, sort all paperwork etc, also you can go out without someone first 2 weeks , I did 5 week beckenham before last year, I imagine its same sort of set up.. Except 9 people shared house there, this is 3 separate house im lead to believe, dont know TV , pool , darts set up etc, the first 2 week can be hard as lot of time to yourself , see how you feel etc, time does go quite fast as well, I only left just to dealing with other addiction and leg isues at same time, really good programme, hoping lose at least a stone as well 14st 12 5-9 ft , I suppose you more or less know set up lol already ignore my ranting, do you have far to come, I’m not to bad mines only 2 hour journey really, from Lancaster, anyway mate, enjoy rest of your weekend pal see ya monday

    • #37923
      kstep85
      Participant

      Nice one mate, theory books are a great shout….sorting driving out will open up a lot of doors and it’s not too late for us to sort our driving out.

      Managed to get myself an MP3 player right at the last minute, borrowed one off a mate.

      Medication, Toiletries etc sorted.

      Clothes i’m probably overthinking but we’re there until November so i’m whacking enough in there. To be fair due to a shit few years I’ve bought **** all in terms of clothes for ages.

      Some clothes so I hopefully do some fitness and shorts for swimming.

      Wasn’t sure if we needed to take any stuff like bedding or anything but i’m gonna risk not taking it as it wasn’t on the list.

      Yeah it’s definitely 3 houses of 3 people, TV in the main lounge after 5pm. Games room for all residents with pool, darts type stuff.

      As long as I can speak to the mrs and my little one at least once a week then I should be able to see it through. Obviously not going to be easy but I need to do it and I need to really try and see it through so I can start to sort my life out.

      4hours on train from sussex, south coast for me. Will be alright, journeys are an adventure as long as I don’t get lost on the tube.

      Hopefully it will go better for you this time mate with you being more on top of the meds etc. I’ve been quite skinny most of my life, always been around 11stone and 5ft 10. I’m 13 stone 4 at the minute but my fitness is ****ing shocking. Just want to try and get in shape and get fit so we’ll sort something out.

      Safe journey mate, try and remember everything you need to take. I’ll see you there, i’ll be getting there around 13.30pm tomorrow.

      Plenty of things i’m not sure about so cheers for a few ideas and the mp3 reminder.

      Sleep well, big day tomorrow mate.

      KStep

    • #37924
      kstep85
      Participant

      The 14 week journey all starts tomorrow.

      You guys have shown sound support along the way so far and I look forward to updating you all on things probably around November time when I get out.

      Hope you all give your own personal journeys your all, remember it’s not easy. One day at a time, keep things simple where possible. Let your feelings out, continue to talk. Vent your frustrations, celebrate your milestones, achievements no matter how big or small.

      Bad days come, bad weeks and months, try and have more good days than bad ones and understand it is all part of the journey and process.

      I aim to go the full 14 weeks without and relapse, without gambling at all.

      My daughter deserves a Daddy, my partner deserves me to be the best man I can and deserves to be treated like a princess. Time to stop being selfish and become the man I want to be. It won’t be easy, it won’t be a miracle cure but I know I am going to get the help I have needed for many years and get a lot of the tools I need to have a fighting chance.

      You only get one life, blink and you’ll miss it, gamble and you’ll miss so much more.

      Thanks for all your support. Hope to meet some of you in there and catch the rest of you on the otherside.

      For today I have not gambled, for 14 weeks I shall not gamble.

      Much Love

      KStep

    • #37925
      Anonymous
      Guest

      You’ve got a great chance to finally sort your life out once and for all.

      Only a very small percentage of CGs get into GMA and the fact that any of us would even apply shows that we really must have had a serious problem. Between the two different locations there can’t be more than 30 bed spaces.

      Keep your awareness about you at all times, remember what took you there.

      All the best with it.

      Geordie

    • #37926
      vera
      Participant

      All the best KStep
      You deserve a great gamble free life.
      Well done on taking this opportunity.

      You, Shaun and Kev will become life long buddies.
      Focus on the therapy one day at a time
      and
      KEEP IT SIMPLE!
      Au revoir!

    • #37927
      2017shaun
      Participant

      Hope to see you in there. Only live 24 min drive away. Knowing my luck I’ll get the other one. Good luck tho mate. You’ll be out before crimbo, new year, new start. It sounds alright
      All the bedt

    • #37928
      kstep85
      Participant

      Not relapsed or placed an actual bet here guys so don’t panic….

      My last bet is for myself.

      I BET THAT I DO NOT PLACE ANY BETS FOR THE NEXT 14 WEEKS, This is the only bet I want to place and win for the rest of my life.

      I will get to Dudley around 1pm.

      Stay strong people and for the final time in a little while,

      For today I will not gamble.
      Good luck everyone.

      KStep

    • #37929
      kstep85
      Participant

      I’ll be looking out for you mate. Look out for a handsome devil with a big beard and a big nose. Nice and close for you so i’m sure you’ll get Dudley being so close mate. I think you can request Dudley with Amy if you’ve not got a date yet.

      Keep on the right path mate, we’ve all taken the first big steps.

      Lets smash it and sort ourselves out. All the best for now.

      KStep

    • #37930
      MrExon
      Participant

      Hey Kstep,

      Sorry I haven’t spoken to you in a while, had a busy week last week.

      Just thought I’d pop over to say good luck with GM. You might be there now, I’m not sure, but hopefully you’ll be able to see my message at some point.

      Best of luck, keep your chin up, it’s gonna be bloody hard but not impossible. – “He who says he can, and he who says he can’t, are both usually right”.

      Take it easy mate.

      Stay safe, and stay gamble free.

      MrExon

    • #37931
      2017shaun
      Participant

      Wonder how you pair are getting on? Coming up 3 weeks. Time will go rapidp

    • #37932
      kstep85
      Participant

      Hi Everyone,

      Hope you’re all doing as well as can be and are gambling free.

      7 weeks in at GMA and it’s all going well overall. Better than I expected and I feel confident about recovery right now but I have learnt that it is not easy and that I must not be complacent.

      The place itself is no where near as bad as I had feared. Nothing like a prison and it has a balance with the therapy and your own time.

      If there is anyone out there who is second guessing coming to GMA, I would urge you to come no matter what and grasp your chance at recovery with 2 hands and an open mind with a willingness to come out of any comfort zones. Be 100% honest amd commit to the programme.

      Saturday trips to restaurants, cinema, laser quest, golf, zoo as well as inter camp activities like pool, darts, table tennis, football and just generally socialising with people in the same position as you all helps.

      7 weeks in, so far so good.

      Also got MrExon from this site living with me and he is a great lad and a good friend already.

      GMA is the right place for you.

      See you all soon
      Stat Gamble Free.

      KStep85

    • #37933
      kstep85
      Participant

      12 weeks into the 14 week programme. No real wobbles in terms of gambling thoughts. This course is far more than just stopping gambling. This couse really works on and helps you face up to all of your problems, to rediscover yourself as a person, to get back in touch with your emotions, feelings, morals. It helps you begin to get yourself and your life back.

      As problem gamblers we have lived a hectic life fixated on money, financial pressure / terror, wins, losses, incredible highs and life threatening lows. Our thinking has become so distorted that we have lost ourself, maybe loves ones / others.

      If you feel like gambling has taken everything from you, you’re at rock bottom, you have almost nowhere else to turn……turn to GMA.

      It is a very challenging process, you live with 8other people who have hit their own rock bottom, have their own issues, you live close kint with people you may not associate with usually. You face up to all the things you have been escaping from, lying about, been in denial about.

      Putting this in short…..the Gordon Moody programme is amazing and is a must for anyone who wants to choose life over gambling.

      Good Luck to you all.

      Kstep85

    • #37934
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Great to see. Enhance all you’ve learnt going forward. Remember none of us are ever cured.

      Pleased both you and mr e seem to be getting the benefit of it all.

      Hope to catch up with you both in the ex res group on here one day.

    • #37935
      3raser
      Participant

      just been reading through your posts, not sure why i hadn’t noticed it before but your journey to where you are now sounds one of bravery and determination, it’s never easy admitting your weaknesses and then asking for help and you certainly have grabbed the bull by the horns so to speak.
      when you finish the 14 week program is there ongoing support for you? after reading through your posts i am sat at my keyboard really routing for you…you got this 🙂

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