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    • #53209

      Hi, I’m 34 and currently on Maternity leave looking after my 6 month old baby. Yesterday I lost 7k chasing a £56 bet. Over the last month I have won and lost thousands. I have used up all my personal savings and yesterday used our joint savings (which I control). Thankfully I managed to stop myself after losing 3k of our joint money I feel like I could have blown the whole lot. I felt and still feel sick to my stomach. I’m distraught with the lies and having to put on a brace face around my family. I am not willing to come clean and I know I will be able to repay the losses with time and then I’ll hand control of our savings over to my husband.

      I was in a similar situation 8 years ago and managed to stop cold turkey. However I slowly started gambling again only allowing myself £30 a month but this quickly spiralled to £1000 a time bets!

      Yesterday I finally accepted that I have a problem and come across this forum. Reading everyone’s stories have really helped me feel a little less alone in this and some things have really resonated with me.

      This is only day 2, I’m really struggling with not trying to win my money back but I’m trying to accept that there are no winners with gambling!

    • #53210

      I’m struggling aswell. Just keep coming back on here for support when you get the urge to gamble and block all sites . Hopefully it will ease as time passes that’s what I’m hoping for

    • #53211

      Proud you made the first step in accepting the problem! As gamblers I’ve found we never quit on a win; even if you’d gamble and win today, that would not be the day you quit. We need the loss, the big loss, to realize we’re on a downward spiral. For us it’s a big gambling loss, for others a bad investment or even speeding tickets. We all lose money to something; if we can see it as a last investment into getting better, it’s not wasted. 7k now is nothing if you learn from it and stop now compared to the losses accumulated in the future from continuing. You can stop, it’s difficult but we all can. Stay strong and persevere, I believe you can do it.

    • #53212

      Thanks so much for commenting. Today has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I blocked myself from the gambling sites so I physically cannot gamble. I’m struggling with the shame and guilt of it all. However as I said before reading everyone’s stories makes me feel a little less alone. It’s finally hit me that I was out of control. It’s strange as I always thought I was mentally strong but I was completely blinded by this addiction. I never thought myself as having an addictive personality but scrolling through my online banking deposits is quite simply shocking. I’m so embarrassed just thinking about it all.

      Day 1 was really hard. I was in shock, sick to my stomach and I was living in a nightmare. Today I have felt better at points but then I remember what I’ve done and it hits me like a ton of bricks. I think writing it down on here helps.

      I’m still waiting on some of the deposits to clear from my account. Seeing the imaginary money sitting feels like I’m being taunted… it’s what I could have had if I only had the
      Strength to stop.

      Sorry guys a bit of a ramble but I feel like I just need to get this down in black and white. Hopefully one day I can look back at this and see it as my turning point. One thing for sure is I’m definitely not taking my family for granted any more.

    • #53213

      That sick feeling will get a bit better each day I have been the same I was really ill for a few days and it still pops in my head what I could have done with the money but I’m hoping that will pass over time.

    • #53214

      Yesterday I thought a lot about putting on a bet, just one bet but one big enough that if I won then this would all over with. I’d be “up” again, I’d pay back the money I owed and then never gamble again. Roulette is what I loved and could spend 18 hours a day with it on in the background, innocently placing bets while I went about normal life. Live casino on my phone in the background while I washed dishes, did laundry, cooked dinner etc. I used to think I could see a pattern in which colour would come next. Red / Black then Red again etc. I would be so sure that I’d put down huge amounts of money over and over again.

      Thankfully I didn’t place that bet, I came on here and continued to read about everyone’s different journey. I asked myself “ do I have £XXXX to lose?” How would I fee if I lost £XXXX? And “What would i think of someone just stole £XXXX from my bank account”. Even before writing this post I thought about that bet. It’s eating away at me.

      I will be strong. I never want to feel like i did 4 days ago & I need to keep reminding myself of that. There are NO winners, and even if I won, I know deep down that money would never leave my account but instead I’d convince myself of another reason that I’d have to bet again just one one time and then I’d lose. I do love myself and my family more than winning.

    • #53215

      Sounds good what you did asking yourself questions. I think a lot of people think about the big bet to fix everything. Maybe ban from wherever you was going to place the bet. Stay strong you have got this. Take one day at a time and try to keep your mind occupied with other things.

    • #53216

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #53217

      I had the pleasure of reading your journal, and I thank you for letting out your struggles. You said a lot of things that are similar in my gambling life. I, too, would place bets while I cooked, cleaned, and spent time with family and they had no clue as to my addiction. It does make me feel ashamed, which isn’t a bad thing because that can be used as motivation to get through the tough days.
      Connor made a lot of good points. Especially with the “ we all need the big loss” in order to quit. I couldn’t agree more because we will never quit on a win. Plus most of us need to hit rock bottom in order to quit anyway. As crazy as it sounds but i felt incredibly relieved the other day when I lost my final sports bet. I felt like I was free to be myself and worry free of the next fix. I also felt relieved that I could finally be honest and upfront with my fiancé. I no longer have to hide anything from her.
      I will stop rambling but I do also agree writing down our thoughts will definitely help in our recovery! I plan on coming here daily to let my thoughts out. Plus I have my own personal journal to jot down my thoughts when needed. Anything to not place that wager.
      Stay strong and stay close to this site.
      One day at a time!
      Sincerest regards

    • #53218

      Hi Sauchgirl,
      That is a very wise way to think – none of us can afford to lose the money we do but we carry on regardless.
      .Well done on recognising that this is no longer fun but has crossed the line to addiction.
      Once we become addicted we will never win – this is really difficult to accept as the addicted part of our brain keeps telling us one big win will sort everything – I have had several big wins and lost the lot the lot because I simply could not stop.

      I am stoppped now though and I am able to have all those things I thought I needed a big win for !

      Keep strong and this horrible time will just become a distant memory .

    • #53219

      Hi CraigM & IDI,

      I really appreciate What you both said. I totally agree about the big loss. The wins felt great but I kept needing that winning feeling more & more, it was just never enough until I had nothing at all. CraigM, I think it’s so brave of you to come clean and be honest. That must have been such a difficult conversation. How did she react? I have told my husband so many times in my head but I can’t bring myself to, not yet anyway. I know I will have to at some point but I’m just not ready yet.

      I’m only on day 6 of being gamble free and I almost placed a bet yesterday. Logged into a new site, went to the deposit page & it didn’t accept PayPal or Apple Pay… Thankfully I didn’t have my bank cards to hand!! After I couldn’t deposit it was a huge relief and after 5 minutes I could have slapped myself, what on earth was I thinking! Well I think & I know I wanted to gamble because I felt in a better place. I have emergency rainy day savings in an account that it takes a few weeks to receive the cash. This money along with returning clothes & jewellery I bought when feeling flush will almost payback what I’m due. Somehow knowing I’ve managed to bail myself out made me think it was okay to gamble. I simply cannot let that happen again. I have no more emergency funds, nothing left to return/sell. At that moment I was trying to deposit it was like last week never happened! How does everyone control themselves in that moment?? I do not want to self destruct any longer.

      Apart from almost relapsing yesterday, I do feel a lot better. I’ve been running a lot more which definitely gives me a different type of buzz & I find It very therapeutic (mentally).

      Stay strong everyone and sorry for such a long post!

    • #53220


      Check this out! Instead of focusing on how close you were to adding money into your account, think about how you just made it through and didn’t deposit! You had the urge but you resisted. Yes it didn’t accept your payment but nonetheless you didn’t gamble. If you can beat that urge you can beat the next one.
      Over 4 years ago, I quit using chewing tobacco after 15 years of being a user. It was the most difficult quit ever. I accomplished it by making it through each day, and focusing on the positives of my quit. I say this because I know from that quit, being free is possible.
      From my experience, being active and exercising is absolutely the best possible thing we can do as we try to beat an addiction. Exercise gives us that clear mind we so badly need.
      She started to cry because this isn’t the first time I’ve had this conversation. She was more hurt about me hiding it and lying about It than the money lost. I put our family in a terrible position financially but the hurt I caused her by losing her trust was even worse. Honestly, the only way i was able to make that conversation was through the strength of God. I prayed He give me the strength to speak the truth and own up to my mistakes. If I’m man enough to do it, I have to be man enough to be honest about it. If not, I’m not much of a man.
      I hope my rambling helps. I’m happy you were able to make it through day 6. Things will get better. There was a saying my tobacco quit brothers use to say, it was “embrace the suck.” Which basically means embrace the sucky times because its only a matter of time before our lives are better. Embrace the suck, our bodies are in recovery mode.
      Have a great day 7. Lets do this! You are not alone!

    • #53221

      Day 7. 1 week no gambling. Today I felt good and today I felt happy, today I didn’t think about gambling or dwell too much how gambling has effected my life.

      I did think a lot about this website, I thought a lot about the people whose stories have truly touched me and words those that reached out to me. I’ve read threads from years ago, people who probably don’t even come in on here anymore, but I just wanted to say Thank you.

    • #53222

      Your comment made me smile. I’ve also looked at old threads from years ago and wondered what has happened to those people who no longer post. Are they in despair still gambling? Are they happy somewhere with their gamble free lives? Are they busy posting on another site – or have moved on into counselling or some other form of recovery?

      I like to think they are all enjoying gamble free lives – as I am. I hope I am right.

      The other day I came across a journal (in book form) I was keeping from my gambling days. It made dismal reading. Not just the pain caused when gambling, but the hiding what was going on from friends and work colleagues (I have no family.) The pleading with a higher power that today was my last bet – only to see that I am at it again a few pages later.

      I wish I could find the entry when I did indeed have my last bet as I can’t celebrate a “so many years gamble free” date as I didn’t make a note of it. It would also be useful to see what made that bet the last one. What made the difference.

      I can’t say that life has been easy – especially with all the debt that I had to repay. It is only recently that I have managed to free myself from that burden. Life is really good without gambling in it – I would never go back.

      Thanks for reminding me of all this and I hope things go well for you and your family.

    • #53223

      HI I am shawn from Trinidad. I have been gambling for the past 5 years same as you roulette machine i got hooked on. i have lost over 400k. yes i know its a sick feeling thinking about. Yesterday i have lost 6000. at the roulette chasing after losses. yes we need support through sites and forum like these it helps to discover a way out of it. keeping tabs on our mind set and observe where you are. Sad part about this gambling I have lost my biggest asset…. my family… (crying)…. my wife recently filed for divorce. and she wants full custody of our son. I also had a vehicle accident lost the vehicle thankfully I am alive. I have beeen on this website on and off but never took the time to explore it so here i am browsing tru ppl comments and joining in. i need to stop definitly I am GONNA STOP completely. thanks for letting me join in

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