[andyhollie]

I only recently joined this yesterday and I’m massively battling with trying 2 change a story of a lifetime which is me as a compulsive gambler, I accept that I have an addiction I accept that I have a problem that if I don’t seek help now and put 100% into becoming a recovering compulsive gambler then the harsh reality is I won’t have a life to live. I have been living a lie I even tried 2 convince myself that I wasn’t lieing and maybe in believed wot I was sayin was the truth because I’ve been in such denial. I’m 27 years old and have been gambling since the age of 7, obviously my need 4 gambling and the actual involvement in it financially, emotionally has grown along the years but however much 100% of anything is a 100% and my problem is there is no limits.. I’m a massive people pleaser and risk taker in all aspects of my life, I see that my underlining problem is the addiction I carry round with me everyday. I have before in my young 20’s seemed help but I did it 4 everybody else and not 4 me… I wasn’t ready, it wasn’t my time I still had an awful lot 2 learn and an awful lot more 2 lose! I’ve recently hit my rock bottom where the need out weights the want and I need 2 do this 4 me before there in no more me.. I strongly considered suicide this weekend or even running away any option with no logic, the way u think she ur completely out of control in the wrong frame of mind and not knowing wot 2 do next and just wanting everything 2 be over. I’m being honest with myself and am hoping 2 seek help from Gordon house in the new year if accepted but until then I’ve opened up 2 family, partner and friends about how bad things are I’ve been on chat rooms, forums, given all my access to money 2 my mother I.e I.d bank cards etc I’m attending my first ever ga meeting tomorrow and I’m in the process of getting myself excluded from all gambling establishments. I don’t know y I’m writing on hear or wot the outcome will be but I’m trying my hardest with this and need 2 do it even tho it’s killings inside. Thank u 4 time if u read this

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