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  • in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33966
    Adam26
    Participant

    Not checked in for a while so I thought I probably should show my face, sort of speak. It’s now been 30 weeks since the last time my bank account made me cry. It’s been a tough month since the last time I checked in. My boss is still off on sick and I’m still picking up the slack. I’m in full control of stock, money, staff and of course cleaning all the beer lines. Basically in the last 6 weeks I’ve had 2 FULL days off. But I couldn’t relax as the phone was constantly ringing. At the moment my work place is suffering. We ordered a big stock pile before Christmas to save on VAT. Only problem is, it’s nearing the end of February and customer numbers still haven’t picked up after the New Year lull. Put on top of that the wages they’ve had to pay staff for working extra and the wages for the boss who’s off sick, we’ve basically run out of money. It’s got to the point where I’m working by myself some nights to keep costs down. I’m starting to feel the pressure now, whereas before I was loving the opportunity to finally have full control. I’m starting to get annoyed at people when I’m well known for ultra calmness. It’s going to get the point where I fall out with someone. I’m barely spending any time with the girlfriend either so my relationship is very rocky also.
    Basically it’s doom and gloom at the moment. But one things for sure, I’ve not gambled for 30 weeks! Super chuffed with myself. I recently found out a lad I know has gone ten years yesterday. That seems like an astronomical feat for someone addicted to gambling. I’ve never gone two, nevermind ten! But it’s just another goal to strive for. All the extra work I’m doing doesn’t seem to be helping my bank account as well as I’d hoped. I’m currently on £12,700. Still a ways away from the £20,000 I pissed up a wall. But I shall battle on.
    Cheers everyone.

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33963
    Adam26
    Participant

    Thanks Vera. Lad at work has lost £800+ and counting so far last night and today… point proven I think.

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33961
    Adam26
    Participant

    Checking in again. Hope everyone had a good new year. I was working through Christmas and new year, since someone has to work for others to enjoy it. Bar work means I’m that guy. But I don’t mind. I’ve managed to go into this new year gamble free and with any luck I’ll be able to say the same next year. I had a couple of occasions where there were only a couple of people in and I was encouraged to join in on gambling sessions. I’m glad to say I resisted. My partners son on the other hand seemed to enjoy it a little too much and lost around £12. Not much in my terms of gambling, but we’ve all gotta start somewhere. I’ve tried to put him off gambling without saying too much. They were buying the lottery cards you open up. They let me get involved and open a few. I gather it’s called dry gambling, and after a while of just watching them gamble I was egging them on just to get a bit of a contact buzz if you will. It’s so easy to fall back into the feelings you get from gambling. It was really overpowering I had to step away after a while. I still look over at those Bandits with lust in my eyes. But so far so good and I’m sticking to my guns. Here’s to another gamble free year!

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33960
    Adam26
    Participant

    Hello everyone. It’s been over a month since my last post. Just thought I’d check in. It’s been 21 weeks so far and I’ve not gambled a penny. It’s just hit me that I’m about a whole year away from my last attempt to stay clean. I managed just under a year and 21 weeks. So still a long way to go for me, but I’m staying on track. Banks looking ok. I’ve got £11,300 in my savings, so again, I’m staying on track. The parents have moved back into the house with me now. From a selfish standpoint, I’ll save a fortune in food costs, so it’ll help build the balance up a bit quicker.
    Just had my birthday this week. Spent a bomb on a couple of trips to Manchester for a couple of concerts and a nice meal with family and GF and kids. Finally saw Limp Bizkit live. I’ve left it a bit late, but I’ve finally seen them and they were great.
    Currently paying off credit card bills in the run up to Christmas. I always end up over spending on people. But I like to get good gifts, what can I say.
    Anyway, just wanted to stop by and clock my days in. Hope everyone has a nice Christmas and New a year!

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33959
    Adam26
    Participant

    First day back at work today after having 10 days off. Went to Alton Towers Scarefest for gf’s birthday and had a pretty good time. Back to reality and my foots gone worse. It’s now a problem in my heel that’s stopping me touching the ground with it when I first start walking. I can get used to it throughout the day but it’s rest I need really. Not likely. To add insult to literal injury, I had my new bike stolen on Friday. Three months after having my other pinched I’ve lost this one now too. It’s once again money I shouldn’t have to spend but am forced to. I’ve gone with the same bike, only an older model. So it’s £200 cheaper, but still costing me £340. Not sure what gives these people the right to just take things that aren’t theirs, but hey, it’s happened. Can’t change it now. Anyway, not the best way to celebrate going over 100 days clean. Here’s to 100 more though. Cheers guys.

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33958
    Adam26
    Participant

    Week 12 on my long and winding road through recovery. Thanks for posting Charles, it’s nice to hear from you again. I know what you’re saying, you make a lot of sense. But I can’t bring myself to come clean about it at the moment. I’m back in double figures and I know I can carry on saving. Speaking of my savings. I recently sold a pair of match worn Gerrard boots for £880. This is what finally tipped my savings over the 10k mark. I noticed this last week that the lad had put the boots back up for auction. I kept a close eye on them all the way up till the end. I struggled not to put a sneaky bid on them as they went for only £660. I thought that I could of made a £200 profit on top of getting the boots back. Sounds great in theory, but it meant slipping back behind that 10k mark and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. There will be other chances I’m sure.
    Well I’m currently sitting behind the bar at work. There’s 8 people in. I’m listening to The Who. Struggling to find the energy to care about what drinks these people want. My legs are playing up again. I’ve developed a problem with my right foot not wanting to bend without pain. Too stubborn to go to the doctors. Need some time off. This time in two weeks I’ll be at Alton Towers for my ladies birthday. I’ll be off for ten days around then. Then I guess it’s back to work to play the waiting game. Any time the hospital could phone my boss for his hip replacement, then that’s me running the show for 3 or 4 months. Extra income wouldn’t go amiss. Anyway. Best get back to it… bye for now peeps.

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33956
    Adam26
    Participant

    11 weeks clean from gambling. Although I must admit, I was quite easily talked into playing on the bandit for someone who didn’t know what to do. There’s a new machine at work and it’s got everyone baffled. It’s scary how easily I can slot back into the old habit of holds and nudges. Obviously I know this is just dry gambling and not good for me. But I’ve not had any urges since. Especially since he went on to lose over £100 on it.
    So it’s official now. My parents move back into the house on December 2nd. They’re expecting me to look for my own place in January. Since I’m approximately 9 grand short on what they think I have. I’m not sure two months is gonna be enough to pull myself out of this one…

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33955
    Adam26
    Participant

    Nice to hear from you Mav. Mum was fine for the operation. Just gotta wait for the results now. Pleasure Beach was fun if not a little hard on the spine. Those rides are tough man!
    But onto today! Not got much time as I’m at work. Just wanted to make a little post on week ten! Ten weeks clean again. 70 days! I’m pretty happy with how it’s going so far. Hopefully I can keep it going for another ten. Then many tens after that.
    Thanks guys. Take it easy everyone.

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33953
    Adam26
    Participant

    So far so good on my new journey. I’m gamble free for 8 weeks so far. I need to stay strong and not get complacent. I’m well aware my gamble monkey is always waiting to jump back on. A couple of the big gamblers at work have been taking it easy lately. This has been pretty helpful to me personally as they’ve not been stopping after hours or tapping me up for money. I watched a lad stand at one of the machines last week for about 4 hours. He put £240 in and won £250. He was pretty happy with that. What a waste of time I thought, before quickly remembering that was me on dozens of occasions.
    I’m slowly scraping some money back together. I’ve got £9,500 in my savings so far. But unfortunately about £600 on my credit card that needs paying off. Currently have a pair of Gerrard boots for auction that are at £550 as it stands. I’m hoping for more. Every penny helps I guess.
    God a day off tomorrow. Going out for the day to The Pleasure Beach. Costs a few quid but I don’t get out that much these days. Might as well have a bit of a laugh.
    That’s enough from me for now. Take it easy everyone.

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33952
    Adam26
    Participant

    Another week goes by. Another chance for life to take a big dump on me. Had a double shot to the plumbs on Thursday. My mum told me that they’d accepted an offer for their bungalow. They could be moving back into the house as soon as November. I had enough time to digest that before she hit me with the second bombshell. She’s got breast cancer. Although she assures me that it’s totally treatable and 100% the best kind she could of got, it’s still cancer. That word can never be good. So a couple of fresh things for me to worry about. I need to be strong though. For myself and more importantly, my mum.
    So here’s to next week. Hopefully better than this one! Cheers everyone.

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33950
    Adam26
    Participant

    Thanks for the comment. I know it’s a marathon and not a sprint, but that’s always been a big problem for me. Very impatient if I’m honest. Always looking for a quicker way, or a corner to cut. I know I just need to stay on this path and things will work out. But my wages went in today and I like to transfer some to my savings. I’ve got bills and rent and a bunch of other stuff going out this week though, so I can’t do it. It makes me edgy because I’ve not been able to add to my savings.
    My parents bungalow has been getting plenty of attention from potential buyers. An offer was put in today which was 10k under asking price which was flat turned down. But it’s looking increasingly likely that it won’t be too long until my parents move back into their house and put me in an awkward position. Do I stay with them while I quietly save further. Or do I take my girlfriends offer and move in with her and help pay her way. I honestly don’t know what to do and it worries me still.
    So far so good on the gambling front. Not really been tempted at all. I think it probably helps that I’ve not been giving the big gamblers the chance to stop after hours. I’ve been working more at work recently too as the boss hasn’t been well. I guess the extra income helps. He needs a new hip too and although it would mean he’d probably have to miss around 4 months of work, I’d be tempted to work every day to claw back my savings. I’m pretty sure my girlfriend wouldn’t be pleased about that though.
    On that front, things are getting a bit better I think. A lot of her unhappiness stems from her own job. In a nutshell, she hates it. She’s working all hours to compensate for the shit staff she’s in charge of. All we need is a bit of time off together. Easier said than done though of course.
    Anyway, I’ve not much else to say right now. Just wanted to check in. Keep them days going!
    Take it easy everyone. Stay strong.

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33948
    Adam26
    Participant

    Week 4 today, still not gambling. It’s been hard, I won’t lie. I’ve had to dip into my savings a couple of times for various things. It’s worse when I get it into my head that my savings aren’t moving. I just had tea with my mum earlier. We had a brief chat about my future housing situation. I asked about the possibility of me getting a joint mortgage with my girlfriend. Anyway, the chat went fine, but at one point I told a blatant lie straight into my mothers eyes. She asked about my savings and at one point said there was an amount in her head she’d be annoyed if I wasn’t up to. I panicked and said I had £19k. A full £10k off what I actually have. She was pretty happy with that actually, even thought I had less! Brilliant Adam. Good going. So now I’ve gotta get up to at least £19k before I can have any serious thoughts about going forward with my parents help on getting a mortgage. It’s just shit like this that gets me down. I know I can make the money back. But it’s going to take me, minimum, 18 months, providing I don’t have another slip up. On a bit of a plus point, my mates doing a signing with Smicer and Berger today. I sent him about £100 worth of gear and he said he’d do it for free for messing up my last one. So that’s a bit of a result… Bye for now guys.

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33947
    Adam26
    Participant

    Week 4 today, still not gambling. It’s been hard, I won’t lie. I’ve had to dip into my savings a couple of times for various things. It’s worse when I get it into my head that my savings aren’t moving. I just had tea with my mum earlier. We had a brief chat about my future housing situation. I asked about the possibility of me getting a joint mortgage with my girlfriend. Anyway, the chat went fine, but at one point I told a blatant lie straight into my mothers eyes. She asked about my savings and at one point said there was an amount in her head she’d be annoyed if I wasn’t up to. I panicked and said I had £19k. A full £10k off what I actually have. She was pretty happy with that actually, even thought I had less! Brilliant Adam. Good going. So now I’ve gotta get up to at least £19k before I can have any serious thoughts about going forward with my parents help on getting a mortgage. It’s just shit like this that gets me down. I know I can make the money back. But it’s going to take me, minimum, 18 months, providing I don’t have another slip up. On a bit of a plus point, my mates doing a signing with Smicer and Berger today. I sent him about £100 worth of gear and he said he’d do it for free for messing up my last one. So that’s a bit of a result… Bye for now guys.

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33945
    Adam26
    Participant

    Things are going ok at the moment considering. I’m having a bad patch with my girlfriend which doesn’t seem to see me putting a foot right at any point these days. Just when I get somewhere with her, something happens to make things a whole lot worse. I did however tell her that my gambling was a bit more of a problem that I’ve let on in the past. I told her about the pressures from my family to sort out a mortgage and a house and that my savings are nowhere near what they expect. I told her a lot without divulging any actual figures. Thankfully she didn’t press for any. She reassured me that I can get past it and that if push came to shove I could live with her while I save money. But still we seem to be having unrelated problems to this. She actually made me feel a bit better about things, only for something else to go wrong. All in all, I’m still getting on with things. I’m still not gambling after three weeks. I’ve self excluded from the two sites I tried to gamble on recently. I’m sure I can push on with my savings and get more weeks clean under my belt. In other news, Liverpool won their first game of the season 4-3 against Arsenal. Things are looking up…

    in reply to: Inspirational Failure… #33944
    Adam26
    Participant

    Been two weeks now since I last gambled. I’m being tested all the time it seems. I had a row with my girlfriend the other night. It was a pretty big one and I don’t expect to hear from her for a few days. At one point she mentioned I was weak and brought up my gambling as a shot at me. She later apologised for that comment but I knew she was right. I’m very weak, especially where gambling is concerned.
    I’ve sold a few things from my memorabilia collection to cover the cost of my new bike and also get a bit of my savings back. Danny Ings and Nathaniel Clyne boots and a Dalglish signed shirt being some of the highlights (low points personally) in my latest sale. Another thing that really crushed me was a mistake made by a fellow collector. I’ll put it into context. My prized possession is a 2005 (European Cup Winning Year) match worn shirt by John Arne Riise from the semi final against Chelsea. It’s been signed by most of the squad. It’s worth a couple of grand easy. My friend was doing an autograph signing with Riise a few days ago and I asked, if possible, could you get a picture of him holding my (his) shirt up for extra validation. Not a problem he said. Unfortunately, due to a lapse of concentration, my shirt was passed over and signed by Riise. Now, realising his mistake, my friend was very apologetic of course. He’s offered me the picture of Riise signing my shirt as some kind of consolation. So now what I have, is a picture of Riise, signing a shirt, under a big sticker that says PHOTO ONLY DON’T SIGN, and just to the side of his own original signiature. This might seem like I’m being picky, but that’s just ruined the whole thing for me. It was to be an ongoing project where I get everyone from that seasons squad signed on it. Now it has Riise on it twice its just devalued it for me…
    Anyway, that’s enough about that. I’ve not got much good to say so I just thought I’d have a complain about things. Hopefully next week is a better one and still a gamble free one.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 161 total)