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  • in reply to: End of Tether #30555
    andrea6054
    Participant

    Tonight I’ve been invited to Mr on/off’s house for dinner, corned beef hash..and no doubt further discussion. …which is just as well as the cupboards are bare in this house due to all my money going on slots. The one slot I haven’t been putting anything into lately is my own mouth!
    I’ve decided that I’m going to ask him to be my financial controller. He could say yes. …He could say no. …He could say plenty. …or he could just agree. …my fear is that once the enormity of it all sinks in. ..He could do a runner. ….if I saw myself approaching I’d run too…To another country (if I could afford my passport renewal fee)….never mind anything else.
    I am still so ashamed and disappointed with myself…..I’ve done thousands and thousands. …
    Haven’t had a holiday for years and this disease and all the stress it’s causing me has put years on me. ..
    I used to be “such good fun”….now I’m basically a recluse. …I’ve fallen out with everyone. …I think I do it on purpose just to hurt myself. …These people don’t need a constantly broke friend in their lives. ..
    Always having to say I can’t afford this. …and I can’t afford that. ..
    I’ve even cashed in the jar of coppers.
    The garden’s a jungle. …The house looks decrepit. …
    Good luck to the new owners when it gets repossessed.

    in reply to: End of Tether #30553
    andrea6054
    Participant

    Hi. ..Jen …Thank you so much for your message. …it’s also such a lonely disease. …and secretive and horrible and everything else.
    I don’t know who the hell I’ve turned into. …I’m a liar and a manipulator and a thief basically.
    These are not my personality traits. ..my brain has been invaded by this alien disease. …never in a million years would I eve have thought I’d be capable of some of the things that I have done over the last four or five years. ….
    Dreadful. ..

    in reply to: End of Tether #30552
    andrea6054
    Participant

    Hi. ..Thank you for your kind comments. …I already am in a debt management plan. …but since then I’ve borrowed more and more. …it’s a never ending cycle. ….I hate it and myself for being lured in and trapped like this. ….

    in reply to: End of Tether #30551
    andrea6054
    Participant

    Thanks for your messages of support. …yesterday I decided that enough was enough. …just cannot cope. …so I came on here. ..and spoke to Harry. ..which helped me through the day. …
    Last night my new found enthusiasm dwindled and I spent the last ten quid on slots. …and that was it.
    I then decided I’d come clean with the on/off boyfriend. …I’m too old for a “boyfriend” I know ….but don’t like the word “partner”!! Anyway. ..I’d already borrowed and lost a thousand pounds from him. …so I thought it best to confess.
    We’ve been seeing each other on and off for over a year. ..and I always thought there was something “missing” in our relationship and that he was still in love with his ex. I now realise that what was missing was me. ….I was /am in love with slots….
    Anyway, I told him. ….It took a lot of courage. …apart from him being really disappointed in me not using the money to get out of the mess (well. ..a tiny bit of it! )….He hugged me and said it would be solvable. …
    I said I’m not so sure. .But I’m going to try.
    And yet. …I’m sitting here writing this knowing full well that if there was any money left in my account. ..I’d be beyond tempted to lose it. …because that’s what I only ever do.
    I’m sure those slots have hypnotic powers…..

Viewing 4 posts - 31 through 34 (of 34 total)