[berber]

g’evening,
Just thought I’d write since it’s been so long. My husband is gamble free still, I am glad about this of course. He has been going to his GA meetings weekly up until about 6 weeks ago, when he went to a retreat to finish step 3 & 4 with his sponsor. Ever since he came back he seems less motivated to continue working on his steps.

Furthermore, I caught him watchingporn again, which started to become compulsive (daily) and a true turnoff for me.
On top of that I dont think he loves me (how can he when he doesnt love himself?) and he -again- accused me of cheating. Argggh.
So yeah, I’m here but not happy with my husband a lot of the time but also not ready/willing to give up.

Have a nice weekend.

[berber]

Hi!

Thanks for your message. I have been pretty good,should not complain as I have a nice job and the kids are well. The relationship with my husband has ups and down, lots to do with his over-sensitivity whenever I comment on *anything* he does. We did have a Date Night recently though, which gave us the opportunity to reconnect again, but I do still doubt sometimes whether I can get over our past issues or not. He is still gamble free, since over 2 years and going to GA at least 2-3 times per week.

Hope you are well!

Xox

[berber]

Dear San, how have you been? I hope you are being ‘ left alone ‘ by your Cg. Wishing you and your husband much strength and a peaceful summer.

With love,

B.

[berber]

Dear San,

Just want to wish you strength and please know that I am thinking of you.

X0x0

[berber]

Hi friends,

It’s been a while since I was here, and things are quite similar. Apart from my job, i work outside the house 3 days a week: which I love!

My hb is gamble-free and will be for two years soon. His unstable emotions and touchy attitude is still hard to handle. Yet again, he accuses me of having an affair but…I don’t care anymore what he thinks as I know The truth and that I am honest.

After long days at work or minding the kids there’s nothing that depletes me more than good old arguments with Mr.hotpants/ touchy who cannot recognize a joke nor let me “be”.

I refuse to be pulled down and I do wonder sometimes “why ” i am sticking around. Still.
Is it fear? Is it finances? Is it doubt whether I do love him still? Will he change? Have I given up?

Talk to you soon. He is at GA so i can go to bed calm, serene and EARLY. 🙂

Love,

B.

[berber]

Hi all,

I have chatted in group frequently and it is like going somewhere for some much-needed “me time”. Instead of going to a pub and tell my sorrows to people who may not understand, I feel welcome in the group sessions. The relief I feel after speaking up from this secret addiction is tremendous.
Chat to you soon!

[berber]

Hi,

Time for a quick update. Things in our household are going with ups and downs, and I am recognizing patterns of stress with more ease (exam period=cranky husband) . As he is a master of procrastination, we have decided that it may be best for us to redefine our tasks. I have a new pt job and he will be stay-at-home dad for the days I am away.
I am a person who likes things done my way (arent we all?) and a bit of a control freak, so its a big step for me to let the reigns loose.
We will see how things go, I am confident that having set tasks to occupy my cg’s mind will help him get more structured and being away from home will help me find “myself” again. I have felt a bit lost…

Have a great gamble free weekend all.
X

B.

[berber]

Hi y’all,

We are taking things one day at a time again. My hb was out of the house for like 14 hrs, doing heavy thinking and it helped us both. I am also working on self-reflection and finding ways to keep our ‘fights’ clean, controlling my temper too. Luckily the kids are healthy again and indeed, Ell, their hugs make my day!
Have a good Sunday.

XOXO

[berber]

So, after a week of negativity in the house we (I) decided to call a truce. Our son got sick with a high fever the past days and with nursing the baby I had my hands full. Yesterday was nice, we went for a walk and I thought we were ‘ok’ even though my hb was complaining about petty things, trying to drain energy…

This morning, I made us all breakfast – and he confesses that he has been watching porn on the computer (again) yesterday. Turns out, all afternoon and evening while I am sleep deprived (suffering insomnia too!), taking care of the family and our house, he was bathing-in-his-sex-addiction.

I am aware that some do not think of this as an addiction, but since my husband DOES, I told him that this is then a relapse. He cannot be with us (as I wrote to him in my intervention/impact letter) and asked him to leave. He left, with a bible, to go to a meeting and I cannot have him in the house today anymore. I feel betrayed and hurt, grrr – he claims this was nothing more than a ‘slip’ but I don’t care what he calls it. His attitude sucks.

Anyone have advice on whether I am doing the right thing? Maybe recovering addicts can shine a light on his lack of impulse control?

Thanks.
X
B.

p.s. last Friday again he started accusing me of having an affair when all I did was take our son to the playground. *sigh*

[berber]

Hi,

Thanks for your feedback Ell and Velvet, he came home late last night after having visited 2 different GA meetings which both did not give him what he needed (this morning he was complaining about the bad quality of the meetings) – I carefully suggested he could have maybe done something about it but he got right back to being cranky.

I think he needs praise, but i feel i have been overpraising already.

No he does not tell me what he tells his psychologists, but he feels they are good.
Yes we are mostly together 24/7 as i am minding the kids and he works from home (somewhat…)

Sorry we couldnt chat, wee ones were a bit unruly 😉

Have a nice weekend y’all
-xxx-

B.

[berber]

Ok, he has just left for his GA meeting.
I feel better slowly but surely.

X

B.

[berber]

Just want to wish your daughter well!
My thoughts are with your family, I am proud of you Ell.

XXX
B.

[berber]

Dear all,

Things with us have been going stable and somewhat up & down, but since a few days my husband is not taking any medication anymore (he ran out & decided he wants to stop taking pills for his ADHD) – and I can see Dr.Jekyll/Mr.Hyde behavior again. Tirades followed by apologies & excuses (“it’s not me, I can’t take responsibility for my actions: it’s because of the withdrawal”) are exhausting me.

Last night he got really angry because I had not cleared out our dish washer and I had asked him to clean up after dinner. I guess it’s all just too much for him or something, but he made me feel bad. Especially since I do have the feeling I am ‘working really hard’ trying to be the best mom I can be.

He also cleared away all of our appliances we have in the windowsill, and there was dust & a few dead flies/mosquitos underneath. He pointed at it and said that I am such a bad housewife and can’t keep things clean.

Then, in the middle of the night our son of almost 2 years old woke up upset, and I did not hear him at first because I was just so tired and fast asleep. My husband is always loving to our kids – went over and comforted him. But then he came back to snap at me (and wake me up!) ‘how could you just sleep through his cries!’

I feel mentally strong, still, but also beaten up.
He is in touch with a psychiatrist & psychologist a lot today (seems like the world is evolving around HIM today) and I am rolling with the punches.

On one hand I feel sorry, he is obviously depressed and struggling – on the other hand it’s maddening. He should take responsibility!
I asked him, “can you not have your withdrawal out of the house, go somewhere else?” He refuses to leave. I am trying to take things easy and ignore his moodswings. But it’s hard.

Luckily our two wonderful children give so much affection and expect the same from me: that gives me strength!

Love from a strong & determined to stay calm and positive: Berber.

p.s. any solutions on getting him out of the house so I can have some rest? Leaving myself is not really an option at the mo

[berber]

Dear Twilight, what a good article you wrote. I too felt that nobody understood what living with a CG was like (before recovery even) – but thanks to the support groups, I know other people are walking a similar road as I am and it helps … we hold hands in cyberspace along the way 🙂

[berber]

Wishing you strength in this difficult time with your daughters health problems.
Filakia Koukla!

[Author]

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