[BigSis]

Hi Faubourg,

I’m really sorry to hear that life has been so difficult & scary & that you feel so fed up at the moment. I hope that things improve & that you start to feel more in control of your life.

It’s very important to have support especially when you feel like you are fighting for your own survival. I am fairly new to this forum too but I think you will find many supportive & inspiring people here who are ready to help without judgement. My brother is a CG & some days I find it very hard to cope with all the twists & turns of my life. When I start feeling helpless I have been trying to come back to this forum to get some inspiration & strength. It has really helped!

You must be a very strong person though to get through all of the challenges you have faced. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it now but in time you will see that every time you choose to keep going (rather than giving up) you are one step closer to getting your power & balance back. Don’t lose hope!

Hope it helps to know that someone is thinking of you & that you are not alone.

Take care of yourself.

[BigSis]

Hi San,

I recognise all of those negative self-beliefs & it gives me great hope to know that it is possible to overcome them. I haven’t reached that point yet – I still feel all of the guilt, shame & worry you talked about…. but as my mum always used to say: “The journey of 1000 miles begins with one step”. Today I managed to say “no” to my brother for the first time in the last few weeks. I guess that’s something. Now I just have to stick to it & not change my mind as the guilt creeps in & the phone calls start!!

I agree with you completely about giving CGs our focus & attention. This usually leads to major problems & disappointments in our lives. Earlier this year I got so fed up that I blocked my brother’s phone calls & stopped calling him completely. I didn’t hear from him for about 2 months & funnily enough I stopped worrying about where he was, what he was doing etc. I started focusing on my life & started making plans for MY future for the first time in years. All of a sudden I started to feel happy & hopeful. I stopped panicking every time my phone rang & stopped checking for messages every 5 minutes. Even my friends & work colleagues started to notice a difference in me. I guess that’s all part of that empowerment you are talking about…when you start to love yourself & put yourself first.

Changing your core beliefs is hard work so well done San! I’ve been trying to do it for most of my life. It’s funny how we can continue to forgive our CG after unspeakable hurt & disappointment but forgiving ourselves is so damn hard.

I love my brother but as you said…he has to deal with the consequences of his actions & get to a point where he wants to seek help for himself. While I’m enabling him, he never will. I can see that…. now I just have to stop doing it!

Good luck with your journey to empowerment San…you deserve self-love & happiness. I hope that your son will seek out & accept the help that he needs too.

Keep strong!

[BigSis]

Hi San, I just wanted to thank you for talking about your experience with your son so openly on this forum.

I am the older sister of a CG who has been gambling for about 4 or 5 years. I have enabled him for most of those years by giving him significant amounts of money & lying for him (of course I thought I was helping & protecting him).

I first read your posts a few months ago when things with my brother got particularly bad & I felt completely hopeless & alone. I came across this website & your post was the first one I read as I immediately could relate to your statement of not wanting to be an enabler.

It broke my heart to read about your struggles because I could relate to everything you said – you could have easily have been describing my brother. It was actually a bit of a wake up call for me because for the first time I started to see the gambling patterns, the lies, the threats etc. for what they were. After reading your post I found the courage to start saying “no” to my brother. It lasted for a few months but recently he has come back into my life & unfortunately things have gone backwards a bit. Today was a pretty bad day so I thought I’d come back to this forum. Reading your last post has given me some hope & inspiration. I’m glad to hear that things are improving now that you are looking after yourself.

Thanks again for your courage & strength in sharing the good & the bad. I just wanted you to know that reading your posts helped me.

Take care of yourself.

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