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Thank you and Wow, did you ever make me feel special with your posts. It was interesting for me after I posted I actually felt better about life, it made me realize that over the years I have used this as my journaling tool and how I would come and just start typing and how something that was bothering me just came up. I know that we are all on a never ending journey with our gambling. We learn so much from the posts of others that they don’t even realize it. In transitioning into retirement I took something that Liz posted one time, and it’s not verbatim, but about doing something every day or every day is the same. I have been dealing with dental appointments, eye appointments and other medical things before my hubby’s benefits stop. I have gone out for lunch with different friends two or three times a week. Hubby and I have been out for supper and the big one is him and I shopping together LOL I have also been with him to all his medical appointments and spent the day at the hospital with him last week, but lucky enough everything was fine.
I ask myself am I enjoying retirement? And for the most part I can say yes. It is a big change for me as I loved my job, and it was a huge part of my life, and not just 9am – 5 pm it was all encompassing, but I can honestly say that I definitely don’t miss the stress.
I have so many things to do around the house and I will get there. I just need to use that one day at a time attitude with the things I want done. Well I must go and get ready as I am going for lunch with a friend. Have a happy gamble free day everyone!!!!

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I don’t post very often now, but I don’t think I can add much to Vera’s words of wisdom. You have started recovery by simply coming here and reaching out for help. I could lie to you and say that’s all you need to do, but any day not gambling is a good day!!! Take it one day at a time, don’t focus on next week, just today, and sometimes it’s just getting through an hour. What can you do so that you don’t have access to cash. Always remember NO MONEY = NO GAMBLING!!! Is there anyone that you can ask to look after your money for you for a while. Is there any other support that you can get, is there a GA close by. Reach out and grab all the support you can get. I know for me that I went to counselling and it was a big help. The interesting part is that the counselling was through the Addictions Foundation, it was free as it was sponsored by the Casinos LOL In a way it was not free to me as I had more than covered my counselling sessions with all my losses at the Casino.
Keep posting!!!

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I know I have not been posting, but have continued to read your posts and be inspired by you. Your positive attitude is often what I need. It’s like this breath of fresh air when I read the challenges that you face and how you deal with them. Keep posting and help and inspiring others. You truly are an amazing lady!!!! I continue to pray for your daughter with the drug problem. Take Care and have some of that chicken soup for yourself.

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Did I ever think that when I was in the midst of playing those machines at the Casino that I would every have 3 years of not playing them. The answer is no, I could not imagine never playing those machines, they were my escape, my excitement, my fun… Do I wish I could be a normal person when it comes to playing those slots, yes I do, but I accept that I am powerless over them. I know that with the blink of an eye the 3 years could be gone, and it would be back to Day 1. I saw too many Day 1s in my recovery and I am not cured and with those machines I will always be a Compulsive Gambler.
I still have a fear of putting a dollar in a machine. I know that I could tell myself that I am cured, I could limit myself, I could control what I did, but I know that I would be lying to myself!!! I know all it would take would be once and nothing would have changed. The fear of not being able to stop once I started is what scares me. I had too many Day 1’s and once I started I could not stay away. The addiction was in full action I craved it. I would go back once more to chase my losses LOL I was in a trance sitting in front of a machine.
Is my life perfect since my last bet on those machines, definitely not. There are the ups and downs of living and accepting that life is not perfect and neither am I. I find working on no trying to control everything or everyone has helped me. Accepting people for who they are.
It has been a challenging time for me with my husband’s health, but he seems to be doing better now. He has liver problems so he has stopped drinking. It’s 15 months since he had a drink. He still has challenges, but I have to take it one day at a time. We retired a month ago, although he was off sick most of the summer and then again just before he retired. Retirement for both of us is an adjustment. It is time to start doing all the things around the house that I kept saying I will do when I retire. I know this is a time when I have to be vigilant in regards to going to the Casino. I don’t know if I would have retired if my hubby had not been having health problems. I do miss my job, but not all the stress that went with it. We can’t travel right now because of hubby’s health, but we may be able to next year.
I am rambling on, but hey this has been good for me and maybe it’s something I need to start doing again…
I continue to follow a number of you through GT as you were such a God send to me and continue to be. I wish I could wave a magic wand and we were all normal gamblers, but alas that is but a dream.
Wishing everyone a Happy Gamble Free Day!!!!

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I hear this comment so many times and I use it to help me let go of things, and not try to control situations or others. It does say so much, we can’t control what others think of us, we can’t control situations or things that happen. We can control, however, how we react to them and accept that not everything is our responsibility. We are responsible for ourselves and how we react to situations, and so all these things that I have been trying to control, I have to realize that thinking and worrying about them it not going to change anything.
My mother passed away over 20 years ago, and I think about her often, but she was on my mind yesterday and I just felt sad and I open my Facebook and the first thing that came up was “Jesus Loves Me” which she sang all the time, even when we were older. I know it may seem strange to some people, but others will understand that she knew I needed a sign, and she is probably trying to direct me back to Church.
I am rambling on, but I just need to do this for me right now.
One day at a time.

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It is ten weeks until I finish work, but I have two weeks of vacation in that ten weeks so I have 8 working weeks. I am stressing out trying to do so much before I retire. My hubby is getting annoyed with me as he tells me that I need to let it go. I know that he is right. Today I was driving past the Casino and I so wanted to go in and just escape from all the thoughts in my head. It made me stop and think about who was putting all the thoughts, worry, negative, poor me etc. in my head. I thought why am I doing this to myself. I can only do what I can do. Change is challenging, whether you chose it or not. I know that I am concerned as my identity is so entwined with my work. It’s not healthy, but I suppose that is what has happened over the years. I think it’s my way of coping with other things, for example, my Grandkids are not in the same Province so I don’t see them often. I bury the fact that I am not in their life like I want to be. I like the social part of work, the pay cheque and I work for a charity and what I do is rewarding. I am going to be finding out who I am at age 63. I know that if we need money I can get a little job or something. I have put so much weight on that my focus when I retire is to get healthier, but I could start now. I know all the things I should do, but don’t look after myself. I have so much I want to do in the house and I keep putting everything off until I retire.
Vera, your words are so wise and I do appreciate them. I am my own worst enemy, but I am a work in progress.
Thank God I did not go into the Casino as then I would be in a terrible state now. I need to count my blessings and look on the positive. One day at a time. God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I need to have Faith as I know he will take care of me.
Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!!

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Liz, when I read your post I could relate to so much of it. Once I stopped playing machines at the Casino I went on a retail therapy kick… It took me a little while to realize that I can’t do that, well I could, but I would be in debt… When I was gambling I had no respect or whatever we want to call it for money. I pushed money in the machines as if it had no value. I stopped doing that and had a while with retail therapy. I then started thinking that we were retiring and I have done a complete turn-a-round. I now focus on the savings and seeing it grow. I don’t just go out and think I can buy whatever I want. I am starting shop in different stores and look for sales. I have changed in regards to thinking of the value of money. I also am shopping around and looking at all the options for a new phone. I think knowing we will have a limited budget brings a reality to things, and I have to say a fear about how much it will cost us to live. Although we have no mortgage on our home or loans. I worry about it, but I have to think if I need extra money I can go out and get a part-time job without the stress of my current position.
In regards to the Church and volunteering do something for you Liz. I think that might help you find new friends and a life that is fulfilling to you. I think that is something that we all need.

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Vera, I was just re-reading your post and the acceptance and gratitude really made me think. We go through life always wishing or dreaming about having a bigger house, a bigger car, more money, fancier clothes or whatever and not being grateful for what we have. Life is not about material things, but somehow we all get caught up in, if only I had this or that I would be happier, and don’t show gratitude or feel gratitude for what we have. I believe more and more it is all about inner peace. Inner peace could mean different things to different people. It can be your Faith, it can be your spiritual self, it can be loving who you are, as you are. We all face our own struggles or demons or whatever we want to call them. In searching for this do we end up at a Casino or gambling wherever because it is filling a void and numbing our inward struggle for peace. I don’t know the answer and I don’t know if some people may think I am “crazy”, but if it makes me think it is a good thing.
I get so caught up in trying to control things instead of letting go and Let God. I find if I can accept that it is not in my control that it helps with the inner peace. There is no doubt about it.. I am a work in progress.
I don’t think I take enough time to be grateful for all that I have. I am retiring, but I am having a hard time letting go. I do love my job as I work for a charity and it provides a fulfillment for me. I have worked for next to nothing at times, I have given up financially by staying. I have worked hard to get it to where it is and it is doing well now, and I should be proud of that. However, it is time to let it go and let someone else come in and tend to it. To help it get bigger and help even more kids. It is a few months until I retire, but it’s time for me to think about what I want and start looking forward to that. I have worked most of my life, well except for about 10 years when my kids were young, but even then I was volunteering or organizing something. I don’t know what the future holds, none of us do, but with Faith I know I will be fine. I don’t know if I will end up working part-time, but I do know I need to take time off and see how it all works out.
I am rambling away, like journaling here, trying to understand.
I have to get back to “just for today” way of thinking. Just for today I will have Faith and not gamble. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Have a wonderful gamble free day everyone!!!!

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Liz I am so glad that you figured out what to do about your credit card to pay it off. I think it is retail therapy that we sometimes get into. I know at first when I was not going to the Casino I was going to the stores lots. I have been saving for retirement though so I have been really good about not spending money lately. It is interesting to me that money seems to have more value to me now than when I was gambling. I can’t believe I wasted so much money and time gambling, but that is behind me and I can’t change it. I just take it one day at a time. I don’t know how we will be financially when we retire, but we will have enough to live on. We will not have the same lifestyle as we did when we were both working, but it’s not things that make you happy. I am going to work on myself and inner peace when I retire. It’s one day at a time!!! Great to see you more positive again. Have a great gamble free day!!!!

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WTG FG for coming back and continuing the battle of this gambling addiction/compulsive gambling. I know you posted something on Lizbeth’s forum one day about being positive and it really helped me when I read it so I wanted to thank you for that.. Have an awesome day!!!

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It is 3 years July 20 since our little guardian angel was taken. He must have been really special to have been taken so young. I know my Mum will have him in her arms looking after him as she loved babies and children. I do wonder what he would have been like. He is gone but not forgotten. I am so blessed that I got to hold him. God works in mysterious ways. We don’t know why these things happen, and we may never know, but there was a reason that Reid was here.
I am feeling stressed, but I just have to take it one day at a time. I have days that I am so looking forward to retirement and other days there is a panic at the though of it. Change is always challenging and scary, whether it’s good change or bad change. I think one of the things that concerns me is the financial aspect, but if we need money I will go and get a little part-time job.
I have sent a text to Carole and she is working away and seems to be enjoying it. I do miss her posts, but it is good that she is working and not gambling.
I worked 6 days straight with only one day off so I was out today weeding, and also grocery shopping.
I have a busy week ahead of me, but that’s okay I will just do what I can. I think it is interesting as with retiring I am so busy at work and I just can’t imagine what it will be like just finishing and not having work to go to. I have to say that I do enjoy my job, and I also wonder if I have made the right decision retiring, but hubby wanted to retire, so like the dutiful wife I agreed LOL I can’t blame it on him as when I told them in January that I was retiring at the end of this year I was relieved, but now the time is getting closer I start questioning the decision. If hubby’s health is okay we are going to rent a house in the Province that our Grandchildren are and just be Granny and Grandpa for a while!!!
I have not posted for ages, but it might be a good idea for me to start again as it does help me work through things. I have not played those machines since November, 2, 2012, but yet I do sometimes get the urge/thoughts to go, but I have not acted on them.
Have a great day everyone!!!

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Liz, so good to see the old Liz again. The positive one. I know it drags you down when you have a lot of negativity around you. I find that my hubby gets down, which I understand with him being sick, but it does have a negative impact on me. I will keep working on being positive and getting back on track. One day at a time!!!

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(((Liz))) I sometimes feel that when my inner spiritual self is not being looked after, which is all the time with me that I get down in the dumps. I know that I feel better when I go to Church, but I have not been going for a while. There is a feeling of something missing and emptiness that I try to ignore. We all know within ourselves what we need but for some reason we don’t do it. I admire Vera so much who is always going to Church. I make excuses that I am too busy and I know that is not the case. I am saying this because it may be something that would help you as well to go to Church, but it is just a suggestion. I have had a tough few months as my hubby was in hospital for a week and he is still of work, but he is getting better. I am finding myself tired and drained emotionally. I want to run away from everything. I am retiring this year, but I am also questioning is that the right decision. It is as if life is in a turmoil for me right now, but is it my inner peace that is really in the turmoil and not life. I have not been posting for a long time as I have not had the positive energy to do it, but I had to reach out to your post as I know that you are always such a positive person and just needed a little comfort. Your Guardian Angel will look after you, as you said he has always been there for you not matter what. My Guardian Angel is my little Grandbaby who was stillborn at 7 months, and over 4lb. He would have been 3 this month if he had lived so now I know why I am in a turmoil right now it’s because the Anniversary of his birth and death is coming up. I will be sending up three baby blue balloons this year on the Anniversary day. This will be the third year I have done this, and every year I add another balloon for how old he would be. (((Liz))) it sounds as if you need some TLC right now as you are always looking after everyone else. Go to a spa or a quiet area and do some meditation, walk in the grass bare feet and allow your spirit the chance to rejuvenate…. I know that I go on a bit when I post, but I think it is telling me that I should be coming back to GT and allowing myself to let go of everything, rather than holding it all inside myself.

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Dear Liz, forgive yourself, learn from your slip and move on. You are one amazing lady who has been through so much looking after everyone else and not looking after yourself. We are compulsive gamblers or have an addiction, whatever we call it, it’s the same. It could be any of us writing that we gambled and feeling the disappointment. Asking ourselves, how could we have done that etc. You know what you need to do, move on, learn from it and forgive yourself. No matter how much we believe we should be “perfect” we are human and we will make mistakes!!! Please forgive yourself and accept it happened and move forward. Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, Faith looks up!!! Look up and have Faith in yourself. Hubby would have forgiven you and had you laughing so how about you let your Guardian Angel guide you. The only thing that has changed is the last day gambled, but over the long stretch you have been in recovery I am sure you have not had many slips. Onwards and upwards my friend. Pretend it was me who had gambled and what would you say to me…. you would not tell me you were disappointed in me, I know that, so treat yourself kindly as you would someone else. You deserve to be treated with compassion and caring not beating yourself up. Put something in place so that if you have the cash again that you can’t use it. Cyber hugs (((Liz)))

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Hi Bettie, so sorry that you are having health problems. Also that you have gambled. It never goes away does it, the gambling addiction, we have it for life. I know that you know what you need to do and I also know that no matter what anyone tells us we have to do it ourselves. Nothing changes, if nothing changes. It does seem as if life sucks at times, but gambling does not help it just adds to the stress of everything. You have had one change after another with your job as they keep selling it to new owners. That is stressful enough to you without all your health issues. One day at a time Bettie!!! Take care.

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