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  • in reply to: Woke up wishing I was dead today #18995
    cully21
    Participant

    Hi Bettie:
    Long time no see, or read, or post, or make you laugh.
    Where are  you going that you need a passport.
    Have fun wherever it is.
    Cully"I used to follow. Yeah thats true. But my following days are over. Now I just got to follow through." Lou Graham from the song "Midnight Blue"

    in reply to: Woke up wishing I was dead today #18304
    cully21
    Participant

    Hi Bettie:
    I am lifting up thoughts and prayers to you my freind. I have been reading your posts. You are here for a reason.
    As far as the guy who bought the raffle I guess everyone is entitled to how they identify and define things. But I have to say, and I can do it too, there is a difference between anaylyziing and analizing. And I stress the "anal" in the latter.
    I dont know. Maybe I am wrong, but I try to keep an open mind.
    I pray God sends you a kiss from Heaven soon.
    Cully"I used to follow. Yeah thats true. But my following days are over. Now I just got to follow through." Lou Graham from the song "Midnight Blue"

    in reply to: Day Two is Still a Day Away #21297
    cully21
    Participant

    Hi Larry:
    I saw that you saw Merle and Kris in concert. My late uncle’s name was Bobby Dyson. I know he played bass for them on some of there early albums.
    God Bless,
    Cully"I used to follow. Yeah thats true. But my following days are over. Now I just got to follow through." Lou Graham from the song "Midnight Blue"

    in reply to: Woke up wishing I was dead today #17710
    cully21
    Participant

    Hi Bettie:
    I tottaly understand what you say about the victim stage. I fall into that too sometimes. Gotta vent. But I always remind myself there is no growth in the "victim" stage. Only in the survivor and so on.
    And I am usually a nice guy, but I want to share a comment I have learned to say to people over the years when and if they insult me. It usually works and leaves them speachless.
    After the insult, if you appropiate, say "Well coming from you… I will take that as a compliment."
    Feel free to use and add any words to that if you like.
    A lot of beutiful people here.
    God Bless,
    Cully21"I used to follow. Yeah thats true. But my following days are over. Now I just got to follow through." Lou Graham from the song "Midnight Blue"

    in reply to: Woke up wishing I was dead today #17609
    cully21
    Participant

    Hello my Darling Bettie:
    I am sorry that you are having some rough times right now. We are all her for you. I hear you with that song. You know me and songs. I can’t sing a note if my life depended on it. That is why I loved my brief stint as a DJ playing music.
    That is a very good song. There is another version that was covered by Sammy Hagar in the 80s. I love the guitar rifts in this version.
    Here is a link you can listen to on youtube.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlvcUgFCsSw
    I always liked this version too. I don’t know if it will cheer you up or if you will like it. I love the guitar and I always liked Hagar. I still have the album sleeve that this song was sung on. I have no idea where the record is.
    You are doing so good Bettie. So much stronger than when I first met you. Hang in there. I have three kids myself that try my wits sometimes too.
    God Bless,
    Cully 21
    "I used to follow. Yeah thats true. But my following days are over. Now I just got to follow through." Lou Graham– 17/09/2010 15:47:50: post edited by harry.

    in reply to: Only read if you have the time #16820
    cully21
    Participant

    Hi Harry:
    My screen name is Cully21. It is very nice to meet you. Congradulatons of finding this site and community. Keep posting and stay connected. You will find many resources here. If you look to the right of the screen, you will see UNMODERATED CHAT that is open. You can click on there and see if anyone is there. If not, someone will more than likely show up. There are also numerous groups that meet during the week. This thread is great for you as you are an official young addult. Like Larry suggested, the under 21 section will enhance your support as well. Staying connected to both trheads and attending as many chats and groups is a great start. The more you share, the more we can all pull together. I am a CG also. Clean now for the last 12 weeks.
    God Bless,
    Cully21

    in reply to: Woke up wishing I was dead today #17531
    cully21
    Participant

    Hi Bettie:
    I am a Christian. Whether I am good or not is up to God and others perceptions I guess. From my faith and point of view, we all fall short and all sinners. Christ did not come to save the saved, he came to save the lost. More than likely you will find this lady has a lot in common with you and is growing daily just like you.
    I am not bragging, but my faith could have been broken a long time ago. But in an odd way, I know God and Jesus have been right beside me the whole time. They give me free will to follow them or to turn and seek my own ways of the flesh. What a merciful God we have to love a wretch like me.
    The bible is full of people who made mistakes. Look at King David. He lusted after another man’s wife, laid with her, got her pregnant, and then had her husband, who was faithul to the king, murdered. David payed dearly for the consequences of his sin never went away. But he confessed and repented and God took care of him.
    I highyly doubt this lady will be judemental of you. In fact, she will probably relate to you more than you think. If you have ever prayed to God and Jesus, I assure you you will get an answer my friend. Pehaps this is one resource he is sending you with his love.
    To my friend who accepts me the way I am as I do her,
    God Bless,
    Cully21

    in reply to: Day Two is Still a Day Away #21204
    cully21
    Participant

    Happy anniversary Larry.
    Thanks for being who you are. I am 12 weeks clean and it went by kind of fast. Almost a 1/4 of a year.
    God Bless my Friend,
    Cully21

    in reply to: Woke up wishing I was dead today #17430
    cully21
    Participant

    Hi Bettie:
    I will be on chat this weekend so  maybe goofy ol Cully from Texas can make you laugh. I always enjoy your comapany.
    I am in a quote mood today. Below is some lyrics from an old Molly Hatchet song "Fall of the Peacmakers."
    "A wise man told me there is something you should know. The way you judge a man is you look into his soul. And you’ll soon see everything."
    I have looked into your soul Bettie. You are a beuatiful person.
    God Bless,
    Cully21

    in reply to: Woke up wishing I was dead today #17341
    cully21
    Participant

    Hi Bettie:
    I am sorry to hear about the slip but it is so glad you came right back here. Coming back is not an easy task at all. Been there, done that, and have several t-shirts to prove it. I remember you on chat the other day. I have done the same thing. I have got on group, brought up the urges, got good advice, and as you said, "the greenlight went on." For me, it seem like the more I learn and the more I utilize this site and community, the deeper the remorse is after a relapse or slip.
    How far is this casino you went too? You know about my history and how far I have travelled for the fix. All casinos I have been too the last year have been Indian casinos. I have never seeen a sign or advertisment for self banning. I have alwways had to ask security at the help desk But don’t take this as the protocul for each one. To ban from some that I have not banned yet require you to go to a seperate location, such as the individual tribal commission itself or the person who does it works normal day and week hours. The best thing if you plan to ban is to call ahead and find out what the procedure is and so you can plan it out.
    I am glad you are here. Two months is something to be very happy about.
    One of the best tool I have for my pain is a device called a TENZ unit. They work for some and not so much for others. Mine is an Empi brand which can be kind of expensive. You might find one on ebay or a home health supplier might rent them out after giving propper directions of how to use it. You dont want to put it directly over your spine, major arter, heart, and of course, your brain. It has sure saved me when I have taken meds to the max.
    It is good to seey you recovering. Look at your thread since you first came here and you coming right back here shows your tenacity to succeed.
    Your friend and brother in arms,
    Cully21

    in reply to: BELIEVE (new thread) #22791
    cully21
    Participant

    In relation to your 1 year milstone, I must give you a Wooohooo in my own way Kathryn.
    From Texas:
      YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAWWW!!!!             
    Thank you for your kind post too.
    Cully21

    in reply to: Woke up wishing I was dead today #17321
    cully21
    Participant

    Stay strong Bettie. Good for you for getting on here and posting about the urges. That is a good thing.
    Cully21

    in reply to: Woke up wishing I was dead today #17312
    cully21
    Participant

    Hi Bettie. I hope you are doing well. I read your previous post about that guy who won at a banned casino and isnt getting the money. This is something I have brought up time and time again of part of the risks of gambling in a banned casion. I have read post from others before gambling at banned casinos where the casino did not care. I guranatee you they will care when you go to cash in a signifcant jack pot. They are not going to let you walk away with those kind of winnings when they have a signed banning document from you.
    I am glad you posted about it. Even if you manage to sneak into a  banned casino, there are consequences. I have thought about it before, but will not go to a banned casnino for sure. No matter how seriously or non-seriously they act about the ban.
    Like you said about the guy, he now faces tresspasing charges. It’s a misadmenor, but like you said with embarrassment, I wouldnt want it on my record when I go to apply for a job.
    It is imortant that we remember there are consequences to self-banning not matter what.
    God Bless,
    Cully21

    in reply to: Day Two is Still a Day Away #21171
    cully21
    Participant

    Hi Larry.
    I would have sworn that I sent you a post this mornig. I think I did. I hope that it did not offend you. It was deep and emotional but no offense was intended. I don’t know if I nuked it or removed it. Please let me know and I stay away from the subject.
    God Bless,
    Cully21

    in reply to: Day Two is Still a Day Away #21169
    cully21
    Participant

    Hi Larry:
    I contemplated your post and remember you speaking in the past about your relationship. I can only imagine the pain. I hope I am not overstepping my bounds, but is there any chance for any reconciliation with your children? Any attempts?
    Charile mentioned to me the other day that there are two types of recovering GA’s. Those who talk the talk and those who walk the walk. I regret I have not always walked the walk. But you, you my friend, my brother, you are walking the walk. My compliments may not be much, but I am so proud of you and I know I am not the only one.
    Is there anyway of attempting contact?
    I was rejected from my children at times when they grew up. Still am at times. There would be times when my daughter would have and event and say it was no big deal or she didn’t want me to go, but I went as much as possible.
    I came to a conclusion that was painful sometimes. This is strictly from my persspective for me.
    I decided it is best for me to be there and be rejected at times, rather than not being there at all.
    I am not saying by any means that this has or is a painless proccess, but it is something I did my best to do.
    This was also something I told my kids mother when she made her first suicide attempt. She had changed and you could say she pursued things that non-verbally showed the kids that she had rejected them for someone or something else. Oh how I prayed for reconciliaton between her and the kids. I tried to be mediator. I ended up with both sides mad at me. I would have the girls mad at me for trying to foster communiation and getting more involved with their mother, and their mother accusing me that I turned the kids against them. I did no such thing. I tried telling her how much damage was done with their relationship and that reonciliation would take time, and if she would show constiancy there was a chance. Oh how I wanted to see that consitancy. I really did. She never stabalized and it never came. Suicide was the ultimate abandonment. I dont mean any disrespect to her, but that is what it was. Then I blindly walked down a road turning from my resposnsibilities.
    All I know is wheter in my lifetime or after I pass, I hope they know I tried. I really am. I hope I was everything I was supposed to be when I pass.
    One message I will leave my kids when that day comes is that I forgive them of any transgressions and do not hold any guilt. I will be in Heaven waiting for them. All of my family accepted Jesus as their Savior. This was always my wish if I had one wish. I want them to forgive me too. The son of God paid for my sins and yours over 2,000 years ago. And I honestly believe if it was only me or you who would accept him and be saved 2,000 years later, he still would have done it. I know this. From your posts and tones I suspect you have done this and taken this free gift of grace. If not, I wish you would. I would like to meet you in Heaven someday. No hurts. No worries.
    Anway, I did not mean to type a long deep post. I hope and pray it has cuased you no pain. As long as you are alive, there is hope for reonciliation. It could happen. You have been getting yourself right for the past 8 months. I pray you are rewarded for that.
    I just care about you. I hope I have not overstepped my bounds.
    God Bless,
    Cully21

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 25 total)