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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 936 total)
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  • in reply to: Feeling hopeful #16479
    desdemona
    Participant

    Liz, Can you refriend me on fb as I had to change my email address as I let a young person use my laptop and he deleted my fb account and set himself up an account.

    in reply to: desdemona #10653
    desdemona
    Participant

    |Thank you (((Liz))) and (((P))) for your kind posts on my thread. I thought I’d update my thread. Danny is still unemployed and I’m still working 35 hours a week with people that have developmental and physical disabilities. I have a very supportive boss and some of the staff are helpful in me learning all the computer applications for this position and the job itself, and one individual in particular seems to seek out opportunities to criticize tasks that aren’t done in the same way she does them. I suppose not everyone is going to like me, but it’s just the way it is. One of the great benefits of working is not having urges to gamble. I am chronically tired and when I get off shift, all I want to do is go home. If I have any extra energy left after a work day, I’ll get the mail, pick up a few groceries, or stop at the vet’s and buy cat food. It’s like gambling was never a problem for me; that’s how little I ever think about it. Not to mention that I work too hard to squander my money in a vlt. A little TV and I will call it a night for today. Carole

    in reply to: desdemona #10649
    desdemona
    Participant

    Thank you (((P))) and (((Liz))) for your supportive posts. I am doing fine. My husband was one of the 1000 people demobilized from Fort McKay two weeks ago, which means he is unemployed. We have moved to the house from the mobile home as we have no renters because of the oil bust here. I am working fulltime as a support worker for individuals with developmental/physical delays. For the past 3 weekends I have had my granddaughters here overnight on Saturdays. It’s a tradition I decided to start. They each have their own rooms here, and like leaving their stuff here. My Mother is hospitalized in Winnipeg and I am flying out on Friday and returning Easter Monday. According to my brother, my Mother is not that lucid, is having trouble remembering and forming thoughts. I have come to a new appreciation regarding my Mother. Since she has been hospitalized, I haven’t been able to pick up the phone and talk to her. It reminded me that once she passes away some day, I will miss picking up the phone to see how she is, or to tell her funny things about her cat that I took in over a year ago. Hope everyone has a gamble free day! Carole

    in reply to: Feeling hopeful #16162
    desdemona
    Participant

    (((Liz)))
    It takes a lot for you to go gamble! Maybe you were devastated in the realization that you’re never going to have the relationship you want with your mother! Whatever the reason, today is a brand new day! A clean slate!! Good for you for telling your Mom that you were doing your own thing today. Carole

    in reply to: Feeling hopeful #16151
    desdemona
    Participant

    Dear (((Liz)))! I read a post about you and your Mother’s interactions. The only thing that comes to mind is that you are never going to get what you want and need from her. She doesn’t have it to give. I had to come to that sad realization many years ago with my own mother. The only thing you can do is put those barriers around you and when she is acting unkind to you, cut the visit short. She will be angry but it sounds like no matter what you do, you incur her anger a lot of the time. You need to take care of yourself emotionally, and stop trying being everything to everybody. It sounds harsh but it’s what I believe to be the truth! Carole

    in reply to: Feeling hopeful #16114
    desdemona
    Participant

    (((Liz))) It sounds like you are stuck in the same place as I am. For me it seems like a hurdle to try and make new friends, as it would take too much emotional energy. When I was in Phoenix, I found the heat unbearable, so I understand why you would prefer being somewhere cooler. You say your time in the city will be limited, but I know you and I know myself, and whatever help our daughters need with the grandkids, we’ll be there. Maybe we should arrange to meet somewhere warm and then we’d both have to get out of our comfort zone? Carole

    in reply to: Feeling hopeful #16109
    desdemona
    Participant

    Dear (((Liz)))! From my experience and others, the lead up to a significant anniversary like a death anniversary is actually harder than the day itself. I’m sorry you are depressed but that too will pass, and if it doesn’t, then it’s time to see a doctor. You have done an awful lot for everybody since your husband died. You remind me of myself, in the sense that when it comes to my daughter and her 3 daughters, that I’m always there to fill in the gap with child care. I still self-isolate if it has nothing to do with family. My granddaughter told me that self-isolation is negative coping. I think I knew that but I don’t have any interest in getting involved in my community. I prefer situations where I feel safe. You are always welcome to come here, but I don’t know why anyone would want to leave the sun and come to the cold and lots of snow. Carole

    in reply to: desdemona #10642
    desdemona
    Participant

    I spoke to Cat a few days ago. She is in a transitioning phase with retirement coming up and of course with dealing with the reality of a spouse who has quit drinking and them trying to find their new normal. They may go to visit their grandchildren for two months early next year, so they can be a bigger part of the children’s lives. I am also in a transitioning stage and that’s all I’m going to say about that. I don’t post as often as there are some things people need to work out in their heads, and when a person knows it’s the right decision for them, they know. Sometimes a person needs to get away from talk of gambling, as it is not something they are struggling with at the time. I spend my time cleaning and babysitting and with my cats. It doesn’t sound very exciting and it’s not. I’m going to be looking for a 2 day a week job, just to get out a bit. There isn’t much to do in my small town other than go to a movie and out to eat. I don’t bowl or floor curl or belong to any groups. My eyesight is such that quilting is very difficult for me now due to early cataracts. I can’t see to thread the needle and it gets on my nerves. Hope everyone has a gamble free day! Carole

    in reply to: desdemona #10639
    desdemona
    Participant

    Thanks (((Liz))) for your kind post. Today is the one year anniversary of my stem cell donation to a 50 year old woman somewhere in the world. I don’t know her health status as I did not receive a 3 month report on her condition, as I was told I would. It either means that she is from a country that doesn’t share information with the donor, or that she has declined to provide the report. I’m doing well not gambling, and looking at actual numbers made me sick with a panic attack. I am just now fully comprehending how gambling made me so ill emotionally. To say I’m a slow learner is an understatement. I am feeling better emotionally but have a very long way to go towards good mental health. I’m celebrating today with getting a haircut. Carole

    in reply to: desdemona #10637
    desdemona
    Participant

    Thank you (((Liz))) and (((Vera))) for your supportive posts. If anyone is thinking of gambling, go online and look at your bank statements for the past year, and look at how many withdrawals and the amounts of money spent gambling. I was truly sickened by what I saw and had a big anxiety attack. And I’m supposed to be in recovery?? I can’t change the past but can change what I do today. The past 2 days I have spent organizing my income tax to take to the accountant, as well as going through 2 filing cabinets and desk to sort through and either keep, recycle, or shred documents that we no longer require. It actually took me all day yesterday. It’s sedentary work but at least it’s productive. Carole

    in reply to: desdemona #10634
    desdemona
    Participant

    I finally made an appointment with my family doctor and am going to ask her for a referral to a psychiatrist. I have been diagnosed with depression decades ago and am on medication. I also suffer with anxiety attacks and am having other mental health symptoms that are not being treated. I realize that I do not have the coping skills to deal with my gambling addiction. When I don’t gamble I binge eat, and I go through my days watching many hours of TV and being on my computer. I have just substituted gambling with eating to cope with my emotions. I have no life, other than my grandkids and my daughter. The trauma I have experienced is impacting me in so many unhealthy ways that I can’t just go along like this anymore. All I want to do is isolate myself, and have no interest in being around people, or doing anything. I need to wait for a month for my doctor’s appointment, but I have put this off for years, so a month is nothing. If I do nothing, nothing will change. Carole

    in reply to: Feeling hopeful #16068
    desdemona
    Participant

    Hey (((Liz)))! Could it be possible that your Mom is feigning memory loss, and wants you to move her into your home? My Mother does it and also lies about things like my brother hasn’t come over in 2 months. My brother saw her in the common area where she lives walking without her cane, and then when she saw him, all of a sudden she was using her cane and walking like she was disabled. She never has anything positive to say when I call her, and I am starting to dread phoning her. The worse thing you can do Liz is take that woman into your home, especially as she is your Mother. You wouldn’t be able to get along with her and she would stress you to no end. She uses anger to manipulate you and she sounds very immature. Carole

    in reply to: desdemona #10630
    desdemona
    Participant

    Thank you (((Charles))), (((P))), and (((Vera))) for your kind posts. I am happy to report that I now have water and sewer since yesterday afternoon. That makes everything so much easier. The sewer line must have thawed with the warmer weather we are having. I was supposed to go for breakfast with my renter/casual friend this morning. I’m not a morning person but I set my alarm clock, got up even though I was still really tired, and got in the shower. While I was in the shower she texted me to say she had a headache and didn’t feel like going anywhere. I wish she had texted me 15 minutes earlier so I could have gone back to sleep. I will not be making any early morning plans with her again. Tomorrow afternoon I am taking my granddaughters to the new movie Paddington. I am feeling better now that I have water and sewer. It all felt overwhelming. My granddaughter in Edmonton has gone back to intensive therapy of 20 hours a week and she is required to work 20 hours a week as part of this therapy program. She decided not to go back to university this term. She is going to look for a job that is not stressful. I told her not to work more than the 20 hours as she has trouble saying no when asked to work extra hours. She assured me she wouldn’t. Danny and I have been paying her rent since September and will continue to do so. She rents from a long-time friend of mine so we have another set of eyes looking out for her. One day at a time. Carole

    in reply to: desdemona #10625
    desdemona
    Participant

    Thank you to (((P))), (((Bettie))), (((Liz))), (((kpat))), and (((Vera))) for your posts on my thread. I did go to Mexico and there was 17 of us, all our daughters, son-in-laws and 8 grandkids. With that many family members, there is going to be drama and there was some. I spent half the vacation in the hotel as I was watching the Paris situation evolve. I am unable to tolerate sitting in the heat for more than a couple hours so it was more enjoyable to vacation my way. We came home to frozen water lines which Danny was unable to resolve before he went back to work for 2 weeks. Now we have a frozen sewer line so I have no water or sewer at the present time. I go to the renters house to do my dishes, do laundry and shower. It is hugely inconvenient but at least I have somewhere I have access to water and sewer. Truth be known I have been suffering with depression. I babysat my grandkids after school yesterday and forgot my phone there. I also don’t post because Danny made a comment about this site being a mutual admiration society where people tell each other that it’s OK you had a slip/relapse. He obviously reads posts so I don’t feel like I can be honest with my posts knowing he is reading them. With oil prices being so low, Danny may get laid off in July or August. My daughter’s husband who also works in the oil patch was offered a different job with the same company because of lay offs. They want him to work 7 days in camp and then 7 days off. My daughter who is now working full time is stressed out as she needs him to be home in the evenings to help with the little girls and their evening activities. I’m depressed about my what I feel is an empty and emotionally abusive marriage and I see no way out. Carole

    in reply to: desdemona #10618
    desdemona
    Participant

    I wanted to wish all the staff and the many friends I have on GT a peaceful and joyful holiday season. I thank you for all the support you have given me on my recovery journey. That being said, there are many people this holiday season that are grieving loved ones who have passed from this world to the next. Ken L. for example lost his much loved son mere months ago. Please remember him and his family as they go through this first holiday season without him. Let us all be grateful for the things that matter like family and friends, a roof over our head and food in our home. This is a very stressful time for so many people, for so many reasons. Random acts of kindness are not limited to this time of year. Merry Christmas to all! Carole

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 936 total)