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  • in reply to: Struggle to let go #190636
    Don14765
    Participant

    Hi Marcus…congratulations on your great sobriety:)
    Yes … you have proven it can be done, and it is definitely an inspiration to all of us!

    You’ve made a great point when you say we can never enjoy a bet…

    It’s too toxic:
    If we win a bet, we want to win again! If a bet is lost, then for sure, we want to get back and bet again to make up for our loss, it is always some kind of revolving door or a vicious circle🙁

    But the good news is once I/we know this ..
    We can work
    On not making that 1st bet; distracting and denying that bet
    By keeping busy with hobbies..:
    Talking with people..posting here…

    Having said all this…
    I should follow my own advice….
    Anyways!
    Congrats on a great milestone…
    And thanks for proving good
    Sobriety can be
    Achieved!

    in reply to: stay focus on today #190633
    Don14765
    Participant

    Hi Kin- thanks for your share..
    In it; you mention it was your rest day …

    My gambling counselor(I need lots of help !)
    Suggests to keep busy
    Denying/distracting with hobbies, being with people ….denying that first thought…
    Not acting
    On the impulse to gamble….

    I feel we are always vulnerable at some point in our journey… one day wake up, feeling depressed, lonely, angry.. etc…

    Those are the days we need more than 100%
    Effort…keeping busy, thinking other thoughts, etc.

    Also- my counselor says gambling
    Is like a revolving door…chasing a win or a loss…
    If I win a bet…
    I wanna win again……
    If I lose….
    Wanna keep playing until I win again!
    It’s a vicious circle…

    I send you this message to help you (and me!)
    Get on track/ start the gamble free process:)

    in reply to: Struggle to let go #189803
    Don14765
    Participant

    Hello, Marcus…
    Some very good thoughts and advice….
    I can relate to a lot of what you’ve said…
    Low self-esteem…..thoughts of gambling because I’m bored….
    Chasing losses(that’s a big one for me)

    And if I won (hey! Why didn’t I put a higher wager on that?!)
    And then I’d want to win again…
    Greediness!!!

    I came up with a new saying last night that I think could help …
    “I’ll will always keep 100% of the money
    That I DO NOT gamble with “

    I may not be able to win anything…
    If I don’t gamble …
    But then I won’t lose my money, either …

    in reply to: stay focus on today #189801
    Don14765
    Participant

    Hello, Kin….
    Yes- it’s when we are weak and vulnerable
    That we need to be extra vigilant
    And be even more determined
    To stay sober -good point!

    Thanks for your reply in another post ..
    An old sponsor I had once said “
    There will be change with pain”

    I have to decide whether I want to change (pain)
    Or stay the same (usual pain)

    in reply to: Struggle to let go #189598
    Don14765
    Participant

    Thanks for this update , Marcus…
    What you’ve presented is a
    Great recipe for success! I am currently
    Seeing a gambling addiction
    Counselor.
    She says the same thing you do…
    But in a different explanation:

    It’s like a vicious circle:
    I lose a bet….
    Then I want to get back as soon as I can so I can get a win from my loss, if I keep losing, I keep playing until I win:(

    On the other side of that coin;
    If I win a bet….
    Then I want to keep winning bets…
    A losing strategy 😒

    Also… you’re 100 % correct-
    It’s very important to avoid
    Triggers as much as possible….. but

    As much as I think I can control the urges
    And what I spent on gambling…
    I never can…
    Thanks for shinning this light
    Of realization….

    in reply to: Struggle to let go #188992
    Don14765
    Participant

    Hello Marcus…thanks for your post…
    I’ve not posted on the forum for awhile now…
    I guess part of me is frustrated and embarrassed that I am still failing…

    But your post caught my attention with the words “we have to let go of time and money, wasted gambling”

    That really spoke to me, because in the last couple years, I do believe that is what I am trying to do, to win back, the money that I lost:(

    I find it hard just to let go of the money that I’ve lost over the last few years, and I want to win it back, so bad, and then quit gambling!

    Part of me wishes I would’ve never opened up that box called “gambling “because it just set me back and I’m sure that most people feel the same. It’s not easy to win no matter what you pick or choose to gamble with,

    Be it sports, slots, lottery, even stock trading..

    in reply to: Struggle to let go #182618
    Don14765
    Participant

    Thanks for your post Marcus…
    Yes- no such thing as just a little bit…
    Also-when I bet it starts the ball rolli
    H again
    Which has been nearly impossible to stop
    Once it gets rolling 😒

    Putting up
    Barriers and concentrating on other things
    Besides gambling
    Is very important
    To recover …
    Thanks for the reminder and your input

    in reply to: 3rd And Final #180996
    Don14765
    Participant

    Dark: I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling down lately, I, too , have no wife…no GF and
    Also no kids….
    I too, struggle with low self-esteem and low confidence…I’ve no doubt this is part of the reason why I’ve struggled with a couple of addictions…

    Gambling being the most prevalant….
    I took a close look at your post…
    there’s got to be some positives in your life…
    I know..
    I’ve been in dark places with my mind too
    When we get in a negative, self-hating mood
    we can easily over-look the positives going on in our life…
    Also…
    The summer had a couple people where I work that gave me a really hard time..

    You unfortuneatley can’t change them..
    BUT!
    You can change your reaction to them..
    also what I find works is to know it’s not my fault…
    put the blame in the right place…
    I’m not always right….but mostly when someone is “out of line”
    it’s usually them….
    and not my fault

    in reply to: Struggle to let go #180367
    Don14765
    Participant

    Hi Marcus… thanks for
    Your post ….
    What resonates with me is the self discipline..
    The discipline to say “no” to EVERY gambling thought …
    Why? Because cannot control the amount I spend….
    I
    Constantly go way over
    Budget of what I allow myself to bet with …
    I constantly wish I
    Would NOT have bet…
    Then that way I would not have lost money that I wagered…
    Only way I see out of this mess
    For me
    Is to be disciplined to say “no”
    To every gamble thought 🙂

    in reply to: 3rd And Final #180366
    Don14765
    Participant

    Hi Dark…yes…very good idea to
    Keep
    Ourselves occupied a lot with other things …
    Keeps us distracted..important for sure 🙂

    in reply to: im here again #180138
    Don14765
    Participant

    Idk: I feel we are in the same boat..
    On the same page….
    What you’re describing of the video is
    The “pain of change “
    It can be uncomfortable
    And tough at first…
    BUt!! The reward is great ….

    I think what happens over time is that you train your mind , to
    Develop a habit –
    Another habit …
    Of saying “no “ to every thought
    Of gambling
    That creeps in to the mind ..
    Why?
    Because we(ifI can say we)
    Cannot control
    How much we spend ….
    And im always chasing losses I’ve had
    Or
    Trying desperately to win again
    -which I haven’t done no matter
    How hard I’ve tried …
    Yes…said a prayer for you !

    in reply to: newcomer here #180124
    Don14765
    Participant

    Thanks jvr…for
    You post and support !
    I like when you said
    “ Forcing ourselves to go through the discomfort”

    An old sponsor of mine told me “there is pain with change“
    But there is also
    Pain in staying the same ..
    They are different kinds of pains for sure, but I guess we have to go through this “pain of change“ if we want to stop being the same
    Person
    Who experiences the losses of gambling…
    Yes….
    Good point- I am going to receive a phone call tomorrow morning about getting some therapy…
    I have
    Been to this place about a year or two ago and thought I was on my way to recovery?

    But I have slipped back to my old habits
    And also won some money last year
    And thought I could repeat that win….

    I guess I cannot win no matter how hard I try? Someone once told me “the worst thing that can happen to a gambler is that they win!”
    Sounds odd /oxymoronic…
    But true!
    If I win, then I start believing I can do it again at some point -sooner rather than later, its just my gambler’s fallacy in my own head😐

    What’s really been bothering me in the last couple days is how I tried so hard to repeat that win…I am almost 100% sure I spent all my money I won trying to make that win happen again….

    Not a good idea to chase my losses , either..
    I’ll just go deeper in debt 😯
    I appreciate your help and post though…
    It will be an uphill climb…
    But!!
    One step at a time I
    Must take it….

    in reply to: 3rd And Final #180123
    Don14765
    Participant

    Good ! Happy to hear the days are adding up quickly, Dark !
    I guess it’s always one day at a time..
    And to be aware of triggers…
    But I’ve a feeling each one of us is different with regards to what
    Triggers us to gamble ?
    Being aware helps …
    But it’s a start only for me…
    Looking forward to hearing more of your sobriety success

    in reply to: im here again #180122
    Don14765
    Participant

    Idk: thanks for your post …
    Sorry you’ve lost a lot of money😕

    There are a few members on this forum who trust their family with their income. Is there anyway you can do that as well? It’s been proven that if we can take money away to bet then we are not as tempted….

    I have lost a lot of money in the last few months…..
    So I know what it’s like
    To want to pay for something good that’s expensive…
    Then lose the money to gambling
    I feel we are all in the same boat…
    We are 1 bet away from disaster..
    But we must say “no” to every
    Thought
    Of betting that creeps in to
    Our minds..

    • This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by Don14765. Reason: Spelling
    in reply to: newcomer here #180054
    Don14765
    Participant

    Hello group!
    Another number on the forum here asked me a very good question and I just thought I would give my answer on my own feed here….
    Going through withdrawal/craving symptoms seem to be really strong for me?

    Maybe it is the same for everybody else? The feelings are so overwhelmingly strong or so I feel, that most of the time I say the heck with it, and give into the addiction.😭

    Maybe I shouldn’t be afraid of these feelings of fight/surrender?

    Also, another member mentioned how much money is saved by not gambling, I definitely see my finances dwindling, and I have not won a bet in over two months …which tells me I need to stop for sure

    So I would like to ask a question:
    are the first two weeks or even the first week, the hardest of no gambling to endure? Do the feelings of withdrawal and cravings subside considerably after that amount of time.?

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 132 total)