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  • in reply to: Feeling hopeless #76976
    hopelessdegen
    Participant

    Day 4 – masters weekend/ufc fight night is a bad combo for me. Lots of triggers this weekend. My squirrel brain is telling me just to deposit 1000 and planning how to double up. Then that house money would distract me from my pain. Acting on those thoughts in the past have cost me everything I’ve ever had.

    Still taking it one day at a time. Sometimes a minute at a time. Looking for a good meeting to go to today.

    in reply to: Feeling hopeless #76967
    hopelessdegen
    Participant

    Day 3 – I made it through day 2. Today has been a busy work day…good because it’s a healthy distraction but bad because my current state has me physically and emotionally drained.

    I found a virtual meeting last night at gamblersinrecovery.com. It felt good to share some of my story for the first time. I made a friend and we’re attending another meeting tonight. I think I can make it through tonight and that’s all that matters to me for right now.

    hopelessdegen
    Participant

    I second jen’s thoughts. I’ve had people try the plaza approach on me and I get what he’s trying to do but it’s immediately backfired every time on me. Entering treatment is a big commitment and should be applauded.

    in reply to: Feeling hopeless #76927
    hopelessdegen
    Participant

    Thank you, darkenergy. I installed betblocker but it didn’t work bc my phone is an “unsupervised device”. I’m not tech savvy enough to figure out what that means. For now, I’m just coming here whenever I have the urge to go to a gambling site and following pilotdad’s advice to focus on today.

    hopelessdegen
    Participant

    Murr, I’m right there with you, friend. Except you’ve taken the step of entering rehab. Be proud of that. I wish you the peace while you’re there.

    in reply to: Feeling hopeless #76917
    hopelessdegen
    Participant

    Thanks PilotDad, that’s good advice. I’ll focus on today.

    in reply to: Feeling hopeless #76912
    hopelessdegen
    Participant

    Day 2 – setting a short term goal here. If I can make it 90 days without a relapse, I’ll be free from debt. If I can make it through September, I’ll be able to reward myself with a vacation. Seems impossible at this point but for now my focus is on making it 90 days. One painstaking day at a time.

    in reply to: Feeling hopeless #76893
    hopelessdegen
    Participant

    Thanks for the note. I really appreciate it. I’ve had a friend close many of my accounts. I always seem to find a new one. I’ve even given a friend access to my bank account but as long as I have a credit card, it hasn’t stopped me.

    I tried going to the only GA meeting in town a couple times and nobody showed up either time. The only real success I’ve had is going to AA and applying their program for my problem.

    in reply to: Feeling hopeless #76890
    hopelessdegen
    Participant

    Back to day 1. Decided to use the free play from my last losses. Turned 2500 into 12,000, lost it all, then lost another 5000. Money I don’t have. It’s now or never for me. Do or die time.

    in reply to: fresh start #76887
    hopelessdegen
    Participant

    I relate to your story. It’s day 4 for me too (for about the 1000th time) and hard for me to imagine long-term sobriety even though I know how good my life would be. Anyway, thought I’d share that you’re not alone. The fact that you’ve made it 6 months in a stretch makes me think it’s possible for someone else in my shoes.

    in reply to: Feeling hopeless #76625
    hopelessdegen
    Participant

    Day 2: Was able to get out of bed and take my dog for a hike but unable to feel any joy. I don’t expect that to come back for a long time. It’ll take a solid year without a relapse just to get out of debt and start to find hope for any financial success.

    Just received an alert that one of the sports books I maxed out my credit cards on has issued a bonus of several thousand dollars to my account, with a big rollover. I could use the money but trying to meet the rollover likely gets me hooked and even deeper in debt.

    Thinking of asking a trusted friend to take over the account and withdraw anything left over after the rollover is met. Hoping for advice.

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)