[howanan]

Hi Bettie. I haven’t been here in a couple of years. But I just read that you’re not gambling and am glad to read that. Hope everything else works out good for you.
Nancy

[howanan]

Hi Bettie. I haven’t been here in a couple of years. But I just read that you’re not gambling and am glad to read that. Hope everything else works out good for you.
Nancy

[howanan]

While out running errands and shopping , I drove by a place we would stop now and then to play the slot machines for a couple of hours. A fleeting thought to stop in there. But not much of a thought or urge. What I really would have like would have run into someone I knew while out shopping today. It would have been nice to go somewhere for a cup of coffee and just relax and talk awhile. Gambling is not front and center in my life any more. In fact I very seldom even think about it.

[howanan]

Hi Velvet

I just wanted to let you know I’m back posting on the forum and say hello to you

[howanan]

Today I went to our Christmas lunch bunch with 15 friends I have met over the past 9 months. Then we went shopping. Now I’m home and tired. I was just sitting here thinking. I wrote in a previous post that I went to the casino because I was lonely. Looking back did I really think siting in front of a slot machine by myself was going to take away my loneliness. That was my gambling self making excuses. No more! Gambling just alienates you from friends and family.

[howanan]

Why did I go to the casino? Trying to find a little of my past. Hey it doesn’t work. The past is gone and so is the time I had with my husband. The casino is an hour away and I have no desire to drive that far to throw money away. I am now retired and am on a set monthly income. This has been hard for me to learn how to spend only what is coming in. But I am determined to live on that and not touch my nest egg especially for gambling. The main thing I have learned is that if you stay away from gambling the urges do leave and you don’t even miss it. You want nothing more to do with something that made you feel so bad about yourself . You find other ways to fill that void. I did and will continue to do so and so can you.

[howanan]

So much has happened since then. My husband, my gambling partner passed away April 2015 after 3 ’bouts of cancer. I stopped gambling in 2014. Just a month or so ago out of complete loneliness I went to the Casino. I had a horrible time. It did not draw me to it like it used to. Which I am thankful for. I know that gambling does not solve any problems. No matter how big or small. It doesn’t cure loneliness. I have new friends that I meet with for lunch and day bus trips.

I still remember the guilt, the remorse, and how much I hated myself the day after gambling. I am thankful that time does take away the urges. But you do have to be careful. Once sitting in front of that machine, you’re hooked again. Don’t do it!
Nancy

[howanan]

Good morning – I was thinking the other evening how I had stopped getting urges to gamble. I can still remember them – wow = how strong the pull was. Now – nothing. I never thought I could come to this point. I thought I would have to fight off those urges the rest of my life. I can only pray they stay far away from me.

I’m really emotional and physically tired from working full time, house work, and caregiver. But I do try to make time to sit out in the sun at least a half hour after work to soak up the rays and feel the warmth on my face.

I firmly believe that all aspects of my life are controlled by God and therefore I need not worry. Everything will work itself out in time.

[howanan]

July 30th. The road I travel has been up and down. No, not with gambling. I realized that gambling was just a waste of time and money. My husband was diagnosed once again with cancer. He makes his trips 53.5 miles(one way) once a day. He’ s there an average of 12 hours each day, 5 days a week. He had his last chemo treatment yesterday and will be finished radiation next Wednesday. It has been a long journey since 2011. It took this last diagnosis to get me to wake up about gambling. And I don’t miss it. Sometimes I miss the emotions of winning, but we all know the emotional losses are much worse. I’m still working full time and trying to keep a “sunny” disposition at work and home. It’s when I am alone that all the depressive feelings grow within me. I try to take a book and sit in the sun. Feeling the warmed of the sun on my face helps greatly. Some days I am emotional and physically tired. I got lab work scheduled for early tomorrow morning to find out why I am so tired and cold. Then I will accompany my husband to JHH for the day. a very long exhausting day.
But throughout all this… I have not made it an excuse to go gamble and forget my problems for a few hours. That’s a joke. Your problems multiply after gambling.
I know it’s been a while, but I did want to give all my friends here an update and to let you know i think of all of you often.

[howanan]

My husband finally went to church with me last Sunday. After church, we went out to lunch. Driving home (this is where I was getting a little nervous) we drove past all the clubs where I would play the slot machine. My brain kept saying only 50 dollars. But I know myself too well. 50 dollars would just be the start. So I kept my mouth shut and got home okay. And once we were home, I was so glad I did not give in to the urge. I kept thinking what I could do with that 50 instead of throwing it away. I feel a small victory. It has always been so hard to pass those places and not stop in. Life is so much more peaceful now. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

[howanan]

Friday a week ago, I had a big trigger. We received in the mail my husbands long term disability check for one month. I suffered with that trigger and the urges for hours (in silence). I finally got on facebook and played the games until the urges left. Now, I’m not recommending this to anyone, but it did help me. The next morning the urges were gone and I had come through another day without gambling. I’ve learned to never let my guard down. This was a big urge. I had to keep remembering how I felt after a bout of gambling. Horrible!!!
I like the way I feel now. I don’t “hate” myself.
There will always be something to “trigger” my urge to gamble. I just have to learn how to deal with that, one episode at a time.

[howanan]

Tuesday afternoon…. a big snow storm is heading our way. yuk
I really haven’t had any urges to gamble, but sometimes out of the blue it dos just pop up in my thoughts. I’m able to tell myself that I just don’t have the money to throw away. My husband had to quit his job. He was mentally and physically unable to work. We’re hoping in six months he can get rehired. But his MRI came out good. Thank God.
I’ve resigned myself to stay home on the weekends. We used to pack a bag and head for the casino on Friday evenings after work, coming home Sundays. And I don’t miss that at all! It is so comfortable to just sit home on Friday evenings with my husband. I read and he watches tv. What a turn around. But a good one. Even though there is alot going on in my life right now, I still have a peace inside me. It is so good not to have that self condemnation that comes from gambling.
That’s a terrible feeling I have no desire to feel ever again.
Nancy

[howanan]

It’s Friday afternoon. Husband and I have been waiting all day for the phone to ring. Two weeks ago the doctor found a nodule on his soft pallet. He had a 2 hour MRI yesterday at John Hopkins. We’re waiting for the results.

I gambled once in December. I knew what I was doing, but I did it anyway. Thinking I could handle it. Not… I was so upset with myself. I was a good week or two before I could start to feel better. This was my first and only gamble in 8 months. There was nothing good about it. I have no plans or thoughts of doing it again. I just can not gamble. It makes me feel too bad.
There is too much other stuff going on in my life right now, I can’t and won’t let gambling complicate it.
I have too much to be thankful for and too much to loose…..

[howanan]

After work yesterday, I went to my son’s house. I took a plate of homemade cookies and some Clementines to my two granddaughters. On the way home, I had to pass one of the gambling places I “used” to go to. I thought, what the heck I could just go in there, spend 50.00 then leave. What a good talking to I gave myself. There is no way you would leave after loosing $50.00. You would continue to play trying to recoup the first $50.00. You can take that $50.00 and buy something or pay a bill. Well, it worked… I drove right past there with no more thoughts od stopping there.

There is so much stress during the holidays. And a good friend and co-worker passed away this morning. All these things are triggers that I have to look for. If I can identify them, I can manage them. No gambling will not help with the sorrow or the stress. We all know, it only makes it worse. So, I will go home from work today and know there will be no gambling.

[howanan]

It’s a rainy, foggy, cold Tuesday afternoon here. brrrrr
I just heard bad news about an employee that I worked with here that had just retired.

My “old self” would have taken this as an excuse to find a slot machine and drown my sorrow. What a weak person that was.
I hope I never resort to that behavior again.

Every now and then I still have the urges. But I have learned not to voice them. If I don’t mention gambling to my husband, he doesn’t ask me to go. So I fight my own battles mentally. I find myself spending less time wrestling the urge to gamble.
I know, it felt so good to purchase all my Christmas presents with cash and not a credit card. There are so many pluses to not gambling. Peace of mind being one of them.
Merry Christmas

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