[icandothis]

Thanks for thinking of me, Vera. Such a beautiful hymn.
Where do I begin to update. This year has been quite a challenge. But, you know what, lately I am feeling like I am up to the challenge.
Both of my brothers have had severe health issues..aneurism (sp?) stroke, kidney failure. And I have a few health issues of my own. Things are going on at work that are absolutely disgusting and definitely illegal.
But, as Forrest Gump says, “That’s all I have to say about that.”
I intend not to focus on the things I cannot control and focus on what I can. I am very quickly approaching 60, and I feel as if the next decade is going to be my decade. This is my time to shine. Why not? I have spent a lot of time doing just the opposite. Why not give every thing I have to becoming the real me instead of running away from some lesser version of me that I have let myself become or at least believe myself to be. (I am feeling like it’s now or never, so why not now?)
That’s all for now. My husband will be home soon, and dinner won’t cook itself!
Take care, Vera…and everyone else, too. Don’t be so hard on yourselves. It’s enough that you are here fighting the good fight.

[icandothis]

Happy Easter, to all of you who celebrate. This is a time of rebirth! A time when we let die those parts of ourselves which need to die or we need to let go of, and a time to celebrate the new life which follows! Amen, to our new lives!!!

[icandothis]

Thinking of you today as you honor your father’s memory. I am glad you are working on your recovery in a positive way. Keep up the good work. I have been in a recovery slump. Your post reminds me that there is a lot we can do besides not gambling to stay in recovery. Thanks.

[icandothis]

Hi Jon, Thanks for the support on my thread. I am sorry to say that the answer is that I am not doing very well. I seem to sabotage myself over and over again. And then I say to myself once again, I can’t believe I did this to myself! Sorry to whine on your thread.
Congratulations on your one month.
I believe we must never stop trying to improve ourselves. And that involves so much more than just quitting gambling. Recovery is much more than that. Take care. And thanks again for asking about me. It is nice of you to ask. This is a difficult time for me, but I have weathered many a storm. I still believe that life is good and can always get better if we focus on what really matters.
I hope your work is going well. I live in the US, and where I live it is very cold. So, Central America sounds nice!

[icandothis]

Thanks, Lizbeth, Vera and Jon. The service was today and it was sad, but it was beautiful. The Priest said that if my friend wasn’t in Heaven, than there was no hope for the rest of us. That says a lot about the person she was. He also said to pick the one virtue, quality or character about her that you admired the most and begin bringing that into your own life…working on yourself in her honor. I loved that, and I am going to do just that. But, the truth is, I could have been a better friend…I should have been a better friend.

[icandothis]

Mourning yet another friend who passed away Sunday. Cancer. I stayed home from work yesterday and stayed in bed all day crying and drinking cosmopolitans. Feeling a bit better today. Except for the headache. lol Took another day off, today, but I got out of bed and no drinking. Yesterday, was supposed to be my Day 1 of starting exercising, eating better, drinking less. Didn’t work out as I planned. instead I spent the day putting poison into my body without hardly moving at all. I am not going to beat myself up, as this is a very sad and difficult time for me. People have been posting pictures of my friend on facebook, and I am in many of them. Tomorrow I will go back to work and function the best I can.
The last time I gambled was the middle of September. Also, in August. It was horrible how much damage I did during that time. Went right back into it. It scared me how quickly I accumulated a large gambling debt. I have been working to pay it back.
Putting one foot in front of the other is about all I can manage today.

[icandothis]

Hey Micky, I have no idea what is going on, but I am sending my thoughts and prayers to you. Hang on. Don’t give up the fight, and don’t give up on yourself, no matter what! Tomorrow is another day and another year. Always a chance to start over, no matter what! Just breathe!

[icandothis]

Hi Yvette, Welcome back. I think starting with a commitment to yourself is a good place to start. I do wish you the best of luck tomorrow and wish you the best in all your tomorrows to come!

[icandothis]

Hi Micky, I have been reading through your thread this morning. Just wanted to send my greetings and support. I, too, am on Project 60. I don’t love that number! lol But, it has given me an it’s-now-or-never, what-are-you waiting for perspective. I keep asking myself, if you aren’t going to make some changes now, then what are you waiting for! You can only postpone things for so long! I have enjoyed reading your posts. Keep posting and try to stay positive and stick with your recovery, no matter what is going on with those around you.

[icandothis]

Let it go, Mav. We all know how you feel. From your earlier post it looks like you have been thinking a lot about your finances and not being out of debt till you are 75. For me, thinking about our lack of money is a huge trigger. Thinking about money in general, and especially thinking and worrying we don’t have enough. That is why I try very hard to focus on recovery and to not think about the money or debt part of it. Especially after we have just gambled. Which I know is very difficult to do. I have recently accumulated a gambling debt myself, which I just hate having. It makes me so mad at myself. But there isn’t anything I can do about it today. Eventually, yes, but not today. So, I try to focus on what I can control and do today. In other words, live today the best I can. The important thing is to not continue to gamble. To not make things worse than they already are. You are a smart man, Mav. Giving in to addiction can never work. But, if you stay away from it long enough, solutions will come…ideas will flow. There are ways to earn extra money, ways to improve our lives, and we like everyone else, have the power to do so. But, the truth is, we won’t if we continue to look for the one solution that doesn’t work, and which got us in trouble in the first place.
I know you are hurting, but try to be easy on yourself. Just for today. Then do the same thing tomorrow. Things will get better, Mav. I know they will.

[icandothis]

It took a while, but I found my thread. I wanted to say hello to you who might remember me.
I have always had a hard time knowing what to say on my threads. Expressing myself. I’ll start with the easy thing, and let you know what I have been up to. Not much actually. I still love my job, and I still escort an 88 year old woman twice a week. We go to the Senior Center for lunch, and then we play Bingo. Yes, I have finally said it. I play Bingo twice a week. I can’t believe I have been with her for 3 years now. We have done many other things together in the past, but for about the last year, this is what we do most days. Here I go. Typing, erasing. Typing, erasing. Hearing voices of responses. Perhaps, I shouldn’t have even mentioned it here on gambling therapy. But I feel like it is a part of me that I have had to keep from all of you. Even though, in my general life, it is nothing I feel guilty about. Not even one bit. It is not a trigger for me at all. Believe me, I have tried to find other activities we could do together that she was physically and mentally able to do. If there comes a time when she can no longer play Bingo, I will quit and not miss it. I will miss the people who play though. Which is why I have decided that when my friend and I no longer get together, I will volunteer at the Senior Center because I just love the people who gather there.
Anyway, all in all, things are going well for me and my family. The best bonus of not being caught up in gambling is being able to fully enjoy my relationship with my husband. It just keeps getting better! My kids are doing well. My daughter went through a rough patch, but now is doing better than ever and living in New York City with a great job she loves in a beautiful new building right next to the World Trade Center. I worry about her for many reasons, but she is happy, and that trumps all my worries. And…my daughter-in-law is going to have a baby in April!
So, that’s about it. Happy Holidays, everyone! I will post more often, if I can. Take care. Keep working your recovery!

[icandothis]

Hi Kathryn, I don’t know if you remember me, but I just wanted to say congratulations. You stuck up for me on this site a long time ago. I never forgot it, and it meant a lot to me.
It’s the little things in life that make the greatest impact. You will be a wonderful grandmother!

[icandothis]

Hi Kpat, I am glad things are going well. I haven’t posted in a long time either. I would like to thank you for all your past support. Nice to hear from you.

[icandothis]

Hi Mav, Happy birthday! A great day for new beginnings, no matter what birthday we are celebrating! We celebrated my son’s birthday tonight. I let him choose which meal he would like me to serve. I loved that he had a list of favorites. Simple pleasures are the best!

[icandothis]

Thanks Lizbeth and Vera.

Vera, I guess that is all it was, a bit of a struggle. Nothing specific really. Trying to work through some issues and make some changes. Not easy, but I believe it is the benefit or perhaps the curse of recovery. Having the space in my head to think about other things besides gambling. And, realizing that not wanting that space is why i gambled in the first place.
I am learning that It’s great to want to change, but it is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight, and I need to be easier on myself about it.
Lizbeth, you have been a great support to me, too. I need to catch up, but I hope you are doing well. I have been very busy, which is a good thing. As I have been clearing the space in my head of gambling thoughts and filling it with other desires, I literally do not have space in my life for gambling.
Hey, perhaps I’m finally in recovery!!! lol
Take care. Blessings to you, Liz and Vera, and everyone here! As Lizbeth says, we are all worth the fight!

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