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  • in reply to: fresh start #141442
    joerdj
    Participant

    Wish you all the best !

    in reply to: fresh start #77452
    joerdj
    Participant

    Well the whole point of JP was to not compare yourself to any one else except yourself. So not that you were once better then your friends or were you could have been if you didn’t gamble. Those answers are impossible to give. So it doesn’t matter what you did in the past. The only question is : Are you in a better place/ person then you were yesterday? ( And yesterday only).

    Also, waiting for your demon to knock on you door is not a great long term strategy. Better put everything in place so the demon does not get a chance to knock.

    in reply to: Urgent: I need advice. Please help. #77390
    joerdj
    Participant

    First Question:
    Does it get any better?

    Yes! You have seen it yourself in the two months you were gamble-free.

    Also, I don’t like the thoughts of my family having to control my bank account for me, cos I wonder how long that would go on for? So I imagine when I’m 32 and I want to get something nice, so I’d have to call my brother or whoever handles my account to give me some of my money so I can get some clothes or get a new car, or fix up something in my apartment???? sick!

    Well as long as you have money available at your disposal you are fighting an uphill battle. When you have no money you can work on yourself ( because there is no money to gamble) but when you have the money you need to make the decision every time not to gamble and work on yourself at the same time.

    Regarding a family loan, it might be a good idea but also a horrible idea at the same time. It can help you to relax, but also your mind can play a trick on you, think you got a free-pass, make more debt and need a family loan again. So with that, I would come clean to your friends and pay back what you can miss, instead of taking a loan from your parents.

    in reply to: fresh start #77157
    joerdj
    Participant

    It’s not an argument it’s my personal preference. I just told you a story that helped me. In no way I’m trying to have an argument about the meaning of life.
    You told your idea about life (or a shared one), I told mine (or a shared one).

    I must say I was an atheist and a nihilist at first. All that gave me was suffering and despair.

    I wish you all the best on your Journey.

    “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.”

    To quote a line from a song of Avenged Sevenfold: “Life wouldn’t be so precious dear if there never was an end”

    in reply to: fresh start #77155
    joerdj
    Participant

    You wondered why life is meaningless. What is the meaning of popping up into existence just for the one to live “suffer” for few years and then vanish forever!!! it is meaningless.
    I am an atheist so no heaven or hell no after life, sometimes I think of how wonderful this life is, yes I can try to find some meaning that can keep things rolling to the end, but deep down it is meaningless.

    Well, let say life is inherently suffering and meaningless. Ask yourself then: Why would I make the suffering worse by my own actions?

    I also don’t believe in God or an afterlife for that matter. What I do believe is that is better to act as if a god exists.
    That puts me in the spot right in the middle where I have 1 leg in the Order (that which I know) and Chaos (that what I don’t know)

    Personally, I don’t think life is meaningless. Everything you do or don’t do will affect the people around you. You are a node in a network of people. You know 100 people over the course of your life, they know 100 people. That’s 1 person away from a million. That instantly makes all your actions matter

    IMO meaning is to be found in the continual improvement of the individual. You have the potential to be so much more than what you are now.

    The search for where your potential end will last you a lifetime.

    in reply to: fresh start #77128
    joerdj
    Participant

    “I have no hopes this time, it is a hard and meaningless life without this addiction and the addiction makes it worst.”

    Why is life meaningless? Maybe you look at it the wrong way. From 12 rules for life: “Perhaps happiness is always to be found in the journey uphill, and not in the fleeting sense of satisfaction awaiting at the next peak”

    Find out what journey uphill will give you a sense of meaning. Maybe the continual improvement of the individual? When you find your purpose suddenly life isn’t meaningless anymore.

    One rule from twelve rules for life really improved my life within seconds of using it: Rule 8: Tell The Truth – Or At Least Don’t Lie

    “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” Friedrich Nietzsche.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by joerdj.
    in reply to: Day 30 #76950
    joerdj
    Participant

    Hi Darkenergy,

    That is correct. The Gambler is not really interesting I must confess. It was a fun read but it doesn’t go that deep. You can read it ( its only 120 something pages). The ending of that book sums it up pretty nicely. It ends with “tomorrow everything will be different” ( without saying if he’s quitting or going to gamble)

    Dostoyevsky was indeed a gambling addict ( or problem gambler). But I would suggest you read Crime and Punishment 🙂

    in reply to: Day 30 #76899
    joerdj
    Participant

    Reading Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky ( really really enjoy it, great recommendation)

    This sentence in the book really struck me:

    “Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

    Think this line can speak to all of us.

    in reply to: Looking for my life #76615
    joerdj
    Participant

    Hi Newshoulder,

    An exercise that helped me a lot was the following:

    Take 15 minutes to write how your future would look like in 3-5 years if you stopped doing all the stupid things you know you shouldn’t be doing. What would it look like? An honest person with a loving family who knows his conscience is clear? What kind of job are you doing? What kind of friends do you need/ have? Just the possible future that is within your grasp.

    Now take 15 minutes to write about what kind of hell you would end up in if you don’t succeed, and keep doing the stupid things you know you shouldn’t be doing. Do you have any friends left? Is my family still with me? Do I still have a job? A home? A car?

    This exercise might hurt in the short term but in the long term will give you a goal to run towards and a monster to run away from.

    Don’t think: “I already know the hell, I went through it”

    Just write it down. Knowing in your mind and writing it down are very very different things.

    Oh and tell your wife about your relapse.

    Short term It won’t be fun, but your conscience will thank you in the long term.

    in reply to: Day 30 #76576
    joerdj
    Participant

    P311
    “King Arthur’s knights sit at a round table, because they are all equal. They set off to look for the holy grail – which is a symbol of salvation, container of the “nourishing” blood of Christ, keeper of redemption. Each knight leaves on his quest, individually. Each knight enters the forest, to begin his search, at the point that looks darkest to him.

    “In sterquiliniis invenitur” – in filth it will be found. What you need most is always to be found where you least wish to look. This is really a matter of definition. The more profound the error, the more difficult the revolution – the more fear and uncertaintly released as a consequence of restructuring. The things that are most informative are also frequently most painful. Under such circumstances, it is easy to run away. The act of running away, however, transforms the ambivalent unknown into that which is too terrifying to face. Acceptance of anomalous information brings terror and possibility, revolution and transformation. Rejection of unbearable fact stifles adaptation, and strangles life. We choose one path or another at every decision point in our lives, and emerge as the sum total of our choices. In rejecting our errors, we gain short-term security – but throw away our identity with the process that allows us to transcend our weaknesses, and tolerate our painfully limited lives”

    in reply to: Day 30 #76546
    joerdj
    Participant

    “When you have something to say, silence is a lie.”

    in reply to: Day 30 #76508
    joerdj
    Participant

    Pg 228 : Things fall apart. What worked yesterday will not necessarily work today.
    We can open our eyes and modify what we have where necessary and keep the machinery running smoothly.
    Or we can pretend that everything is alright, fail to make the necessary repairs, and then curse fate when nothing goes our way.”

    in reply to: Day 30 #76507
    joerdj
    Participant

    Pg 94 The past is fixed, but the future could be better. The present is eternally flawed but where you start might not be as important as the direction you are heading. Perhaps happiness is always to be found in the journey uphill, and not in the fleeting sense of satisfaction awaiting at the next peak. Much of happiness is hope, no matter how deep the underworld in which that hope was conceived.

    in reply to: 12 Rules for Life #76500
    joerdj
    Participant

    12 more rules (new book “Beyond order 12 more rules for life”) :

    Rule 1: Do not carelessly denigrate social institutions or creative achievement

    Rule 2: Imagine who you could be, and then aim single-mindedly at that

    Rule 3: Do not hide unwanted things in the fog

    Rule 4: Notice that opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated

    Rule 5: Do not do what you hate

    Rule 6: Abandon ideology

    Rule 7: Work as hard as you possibly can on at least one thing and see what happens

    Rule 8: Try to make one room in your home as beautiful as possible

    Rule 9: If old memories still upset you, write them down carefully and completely

    Rule 10: Plan and work diligently to maintain the romance in your relationship

    Rule 11: Do not allow yourself to become resentful, deceitful, or arrogant

    Rule 12: Be grateful in spite of your suffering

    in reply to: Day 30 #76190
    joerdj
    Participant

    Well, this should have been my 1-year gamble free. I did not make it.
    The relapse was almost as long as my gamble free time.
    I keep repeating the following sentence in my head.: My life, My responsibility.
    I’m done being pathic and wallow in self-pity. I have a problem and I have the responsibility to fix it.
    I have been reading the 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson. An exceptionally well-written book with a lot of useful rules and stories.
    Rule 2: Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
    Rule 7: Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
    But more important for me:
    Rule 6: Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.
    It is easy for us to blame everything on everyone else.

    Why did I gamble? Is it my fault or my addiction’s fault? In my head, I always downplayed my responsibility. It was not my fault, but my addiction’s fault. Everyone’s problem except mine.
    Well, now I’m taking charge of my life. Done is the self-pity self-loathing sorry excuse of being addicted. I have free will if I believe it or not.

    My life, My responsibility

    Not to say everything is bad at the moment. I have more money saved than ever and got a promotion at work 🙂

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 57 total)