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  • in reply to: The Last Time #160428
    kathryn
    Participant

    Hi Mav,
    I’ve always been drawn to your thread, I’m sure it’s the top gun name (yes I love that movie)but friend, how are you? How’s your health? You have been through hell and I hope you are on your way to a better life.
    Just keep swimming….there’s life to be lived. And every day is a new beginning!
    Love K xxx

    in reply to: I’m not giving up! #160427
    kathryn
    Participant

    Hi Lizbeth,
    So happy to read your filling your time with beautiful things! We don’t see them when we are gambling! Every day I look out my window to see the sky. Every day I am amazed how beautiful it can be! Keep enjoying every day!
    Love K xxx

    in reply to: My story, my success. #160426
    kathryn
    Participant

    Oh Hambone, I remember you!
    What a wonderful story, congratulations on your gamble free time! It still blows my mind when I think about this addiction, what it did to me, my family, my life. 13 years on and life is wonderful. Not perfect! But my God, I’m living! And so are you!
    Love K xxx

    in reply to: Is compulsive gambling heredity? #160423
    kathryn
    Participant

    Oh Velvet, thank you so much. This bull at a gate needed reeling in a little but I’m sure you can understand my panic that my boy was going to end up like me!
    I agree,he needs to find something to fill his time. He used to volunteer for the Salvation Army, he did it for years, spending his Friday nights helping the homeless, until his job took over and he was unable to continue. He loved it, really loved it! I’m not sure if there’s any day help he could do but I’m sure we can find out. He also has been lifting weights, maybe a little gym membership, he could also make some new friends? He has never been overly social, even as a little boy he wouldn’t have a ‘sleepover’, the best we could get was a ‘tea over’ and that was with mum who loved to dote on him as all her grandchildren.
    I’m looking forward to talking with him tomorrow, he wants to stop, he told me that much. I won’t push him, small steps, I know.
    He has written down what he pays per month and tomorrow we can discuss how it’s all going to work.
    I’m sad that he’s going through this, but happy that he told me and felt he could reach out. I’ve told Dames, he agrees that boredom is a massive contributor, his isolation and covid lockdowns (out of the whole world my state had the most….almost 2 years in total!)
    His girlfriend lives 1.5hrs away but they do see each other at least once a week.(mostly) She is From India, and has give him some wonderful new experiences that he would never had done without her, not to mention she is a cracking girl and we love her!
    He has also told her about his addiction, and I know first hand just how difficult that is to do so massive kudos to him for that.
    Velvet thank you for your always wise words, i knew you would answer because I have known you for so long, and I was thrilled to get your response.
    As with my journal and all my conversations with Dunc and others who posted to me ,I will take all your advice. I’ve already read your post several times and will continue to do so. I will keep an eye out for and F & F group I can join, and I hope to chat soon.
    Much love, K

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by kathryn.
    in reply to: To live, that would be a great adventure #159300
    kathryn
    Participant

    My son confessed to me last night he has a gambling problem. He gambles on sports, online. To say I feel guilt is an understatement. Did I pass this terrible disease onto him? Who knows. What I do know is that I am able to help him. He came over tonight, he lives at home but has been house sitting the past 3 weeks and while the amount isn’t huge in my terms, it is for him. It’s affecting his life. He is broke. He has zero expenses really bar a tiny board payment I charge to pay his phone bill. I think him being on his own, bored, working nights etc has started it. Something to do that has become a big problem. We are going to do blocking software and open a new bank account to which the majority of his money will go apart from daily expenses. I’m proud that he came to me, he knows my story. He has also told his girlfriend which will be helpful also. It makes me sad though that he is dealing with this at such a young age.
    He is 23.
    I am still gamble free, 13 years now and living my life. It’s far from perfect but it’s mine and I am present in it. Money is now something I’m happy to have but not too worried if I don’t if that makes sense. I no longer need it to get my fix. It pays my bills and feeds me and gives me a few little holidays a year and that’s how I like it!
    I’ve learnt to accept the things I won’t ever have and enjoy the things I do.
    I may be looking for a new job soon as my boss has announced he is retiring, nothing concrete in terms of a timeline but I think a change of career might be good. I’m not sure I’ll ever get a job nursing as good as the one I’ve got, so I’m looking at options that will suit my financial needs and my lifestyle. I’m trying to think of it as an exciting new beginning. Trying!!!!
    Anyway I wanted to update, a lot of new names here now, and if you’re reading this take the advice, it really does work.
    Love K xxx

    in reply to: To live, that would be a great adventure #159240
    kathryn
    Participant

    I need to post but I’m looking after grandies so I’m bringing my thread to the top so it’s easy to find and I will return.
    Kathryn x

    in reply to: The Last Time #137607
    kathryn
    Participant

    Hiya Mav,

    You got this friend, I can hear the determination in your words.

    I’m not going to give you any advice, you know it Mav, we have lived it, but I am throwing all my support your way.

    I’m living proof, 12 years, it can be done and you deserve it all.

    Time to live, gambling has no place in our lives, it’s your time now. You and your beautiful family.

    Just for today. That’s all you need to do right now, the rest will happen in time.

    Cheers from Oz!
    Love, K xxxx

    in reply to: To live, that would be a great adventure #137606
    kathryn
    Participant

    Wow, 6 months, I can’t quite believe it’s been that long.
    We are currently in lockdown #7 and it looks like things aren’t going to change for quite some time.
    In saying that, we are both still able to work which is a blessing.

    I’m doing well. No gambling. It’s now been 12 years. My god, typing that blows me away.
    I have a new grand baby, Nash, he’s 10 weeks old. I’m blessed I get to see the kids regularly, and he is an absolute cracker! Such a good baby. Brea is doing amazing as a mum and it’s one of my greatest achievements, raising this brilliant girl through my addiction. Her daughter is as strong willed as she is and I love it! She gives her hell! Lol!!!

    The boys are good, Bailey has had some issues with his mental health which we are dealing with, Harry is not working due to COVID, but is such a cruisey kid, he rolls with the punches. My little joy.

    Home life for me is good, we have an old caravan we are doing up which keeps us occupied. It’s good to have a project, especially at the moment. We have planned for trips, but just have to see how things pan out.

    I don’t think about gambling very much anymore, but when I post it reminds me of who I was and who I never want to be again.

    We are coming into spring, and it’s lovely to see the days get longer and the sun trying to say hello. I need some warmth, it’s been a long winter.

    Well. Must go, things to do today ( I have the day off)

    Stay strong, stay safe, and take care

    Love K xxx

    in reply to: I’m not giving up! #76187
    kathryn
    Participant

    Hi Lizbeth,
    You’ve been stressed, that was clear from your previous posts, and your addiction played on it.
    Don’t let this set you back, keep moving forward, its done.
    Maybe think about what you could have done differently, and how you can better protect yourself, just in case!
    It’s a blip, a slip, a moment of bad judgement.
    It’s a daily battle. It got the best of you. You have had so many days that it hasn’t, remember those. You can do this!
    Love K xxxx

    in reply to: Looking for my life #76150
    kathryn
    Participant

    Hi Newshoulder,
    It is a journey, and none of us are perfect. There will always be temptation, there will always be stress in our lives.
    I remember thinking that once I stopped gambling my life would be all roses and rainbows. LOL
    Here’s the thing.
    Once you stop, you become present in your own life.
    You begin to think rationally. You can deal with life’s dramas, big or small in a healthy way. You can think clearly, and it will make the biggest difference in your life.
    I missed so much of my kids lives, especially my daughter who’s the oldest. She was almost 18 when I found this site, and this year she will be 30 (which actually blows my brain) my first exclusion was done on her 18 th birthday.
    This addiction took my home which I had to sell to pay for my debts. Even after that I still gambled the money we made on the house away. It took me a long time to let it go. It’s not easy to think of the losses.
    But here’s what I gained.
    My freedom, no more obsessively thinking about how I was going to gamble.
    Yes, more money….but there’s still always times when I don’t quite have enough. It’s amazing what you spend when it’s not going to a venue. I hadn’t bought myself anything, clothes, homewares, etc for years. My kids actually got decent Christmas and birthday presents, not the cheap crap I’d buy when in action. Not to mention no more fear of the postman or the phone ringing ( this was a huge one for me)
    But the biggest thing I gained, was being present. Enjoying my children and now my grandchildren. Hearing them, and being there for them in every way. Enjoying time with friends, not constantly feeling sick, not being worried about how I was going to get through the week or pay my bills.
    Life is always going to throw us curveballs…..that’s just life.
    Gambling adds to the worry, and for me, working my recovery has given me back the most important thing of all…..ME!
    So keep going, remember the feelings when you lost it all. It’s easy to forget, the addiction wants us to so we go back.
    I look back now at the broken woman who found this site, screaming for help.
    It wasn’t easy, and I won’t pretend it was. But my god it has been worth it. I don’t know where I would be now and I dread to think. But I do remind myself that every day for me is a gamble free one. It does get easier, gambling is a destroyer of life, it sucks out our soul and spits us out. Fight back! There’s a whole life out there waiting for you!
    Love K xxx

    kathryn
    Participant

    Hi Murr,
    Charles is right, get those barriers up……NOW! Do it now now now.
    The war is never won. It’s a daily decision to not gamble. I am always a compulsive gambler, and while it doesn’t define me I am who I am because of it.
    You will never win. Because it’s never enough. And that’s just the simple truth. The money is the means.
    I know just how viscous this addiction is. I’ve lived it. It will do anything to get you to gamble. Barriers will ensure you can’t.
    If you can’t gamble you will start to think about other things. Gambling won’t fill your mind. It won’t have control.
    You can get your life back. It’s not going to be easy but it is going to be worth it.
    Do it for you. You are so worth it!
    Love K xxx

    in reply to: He admits to having a problem but refuses to get help #76134
    kathryn
    Participant

    Hi PennyLane,
    You are right, your brother needs to find help on his own.
    I think the fact that you have all banded together on this is wonderful, he doesn’t know it yet but it is. No money = no gambling.
    Enabling him is not doing him any favours!
    You have done all you can for him in terms of support, the rest is up to him.
    I am the compulsive gambler in my house, I found this site almost 12 years ago and apart from a couple of blips along the way I have remained gamble free ever since.
    So yes, this addiction can be managed, in saying that, when in action it is almost impossible to see….it takes rock bottom to get there! It took me many many years to get to the point of screaming for help.
    Don’t be disheartened, this site is brilliant and you have a wonderful friend in Velvet.
    His anger is the addiction, it doesn’t want him to stop. It’s not personal (easy to say I know) and when the time comes he will know you are there for him.
    Keep sharing, you are important too and knowledge is power.
    Your brother is blessed to have you in his life!
    Take care, K xxx

    in reply to: I’m not giving up! #76133
    kathryn
    Participant

    Hi Lizbeth,
    New friends will come,
    Seems you’re going to be busy now…. good!
    Time filled with other things leaves no room for gambling!
    Happy weekend lovely friend,
    Love K xxx

    in reply to: My journal #76132
    kathryn
    Participant

    Welcome Tracy!
    It’s a big step, use all the tools here it will really help!
    Keep reading and posting, time to get your life back!
    Love K xxx

    in reply to: Attempt 3 #76131
    kathryn
    Participant

    Keep it up G Rec, having a plan is great!
    K xx

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 1,154 total)