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Monique thank you for your welcome and concern. I do understand your point about my importance in the home. I guess to try and clarify my previous statement…. I do feel valued in the home and that his earning are as much mine, but thats just it. I dont feel his earnings are all mine. Gambling is the only money he spends I get to spend the rest. Though it is on bills, groceries, and necessities mostly Im the one that gets to do the spending. His only enjoyment from his hard earned income is his gambling. I dont mind that, in theory, the problem comes with the compulsion on his part when he cannot stop until it is all gone (which is not every time but when it happens it is a huge set back for us) . I feel for now I can manage only allowing “what we can afford” Im sure the day will come when I am faced with a battle for him wanting more and I hope I am strong enough to stand my ground. That is why you guys have become so important to me. You all give me strength. I no longer feel defeated. I feel supported. I have an army behind me and for that today I smile!

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Thank You Janey for your reply and concern. I have also posted this in the F&F forum amd have received hreat support and advice. As the title to my post says I am new to this life and am one that need all the information I can get in order to make confident decisions. I like hearing from F&F because they understand exactly what I am going through and how I am feeling but I also want/need to hear from CG as well so I can understand what my husband feels and what he is going through. I feel that is important if I am going to support, love, fight, and continue to keep our marriage strong. Im in this with him forever until death do us part. That was my promise to him, God, and our family. So his side of things are just as important as mine. Someone has already suggested the support groups and I will definitely give those a shot. Again thank you so much. I am so glad I found this site as I have no one else to talk to about this as I do not want to involve others in our life as I feel they will not truely understand and it may only cause unwanted judgement.

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No, I do not have a gamanon near where I live. The closest one is about an hour away. That is why I am so thankful I have found this site.

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Thank you both for your replies. Harry it is great to hear from a CG. That is the perceptive I need to understand so that I will know better in the future. Velvet thank you for the advice on taking care of myself. You are right that I have allowed this addiction to overwhelm my thoughts and actions. I have been a very angry and defeated person for the past several months and IM TIRED. I will definitely take your advice. There is NO reason this addiction has to engulf my life the way I have allowed it. I finally spoke to my husband about our recent fight and he admitted to me he was angry because he felt that enough time had past that I should trust him again. He also felt that I was “punishing” him for his past behavior by not allowing him to have the bank card. I explained to him that his past has been forgiven and I was in no way punishing him. I also explained that due to the cycle of broken trust – regained trust – broken trust again, my trust is at an all time low. I asked him to think about it as something I am going through and not a direct attack against him. There will be days when I do trust and days I do not. I asked for his help on the days that I do not. That if he would just be patient and not explode in anger it will help the trust to be renewed. I explained that when he responds with anger it only makes me want to trust him less. I am trying to keep the “beast” in the corner and not in between us. I understand that this is not going to be the last fight, but I hope the next time I will be better equipped to handle it. I have also decided that it is probably best for me to always have some (not a lot just what ever we can afford) cash available so he can have access to some money just not ALL money. I dont know if that is considered enabling him, but I do not see him stopping anytime soon and honestly I cannot live in an angry home. As long as the gambling can stay under my supervision, meaning only money we can afford to lose is gambled, then I will be at peace.

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Thank You Velvet and Madge! It is nice to have someone to talk to about this. I do not go to family and friends with this as I feel it would only cause unwanted division and problems amongst those who are not living in this situation. So until now I have had to bear this alone. Thank You. I like the analogy of the beast in the corner. Also, Velvet, thank you for the realization that my words become distorted cause that makes perfect sense in the situation I am currently in. I thought I was being very clear, compassionate, and understanding as well as accommodating when he asked for the bank card and I said no. I expressed my worries and reminded him that this was a joint decision for me to hold control over money. He wouldn’t hear any of it. He became very angry and irrational. I just didn’t understand why. We have always been able to have conversations about this with no problems but this time I was telling him no. So of course once he reacted this way my mind went straight to gambling. He was angry because his intentions were to gamble. And with that thought there was no way I was giving him access to our money. I guess my question now is, once I am “talking” to the beast what do I say or do to not start a fight or to fix the fight? If my words are being distorted is there anything I can say? I mean seriously it has been 2 days now and the husband is still angry and not talking to me (how he handles conflict).

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