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  • in reply to: No more Truman Show #32320
    Lastlaughtruman
    Participant

    Well Vera I suppose my spade work was the hard labour I had to do when I’d really spiralled out of control 10-15 years ago, that’s when the hard lessons were learnt. Fortunately this time thro experience I have recognised the problem at a stage when it’s done some damage but it’s minimal compared to what it could have been. My money is safely stashed away in “bank of Dad”, I’m my parents postman so I finish my round there everyday and join them for dinner. And everyday I give my Dad £20 or a multiple of £20 if I’ve had a day off to save £140 a week. Im hoping to pay off my recent foolishness in 100 days, that’s my new challenge, and I am really enjoying the new challenges.
    Brilliant abt, indeed I’m hoping all our tomorrow’s will be better. Find your peace with your losses (a battle lost) and rise above it and win your own personal war. Keep posting mate, it’s good to hear from everyone.

    in reply to: No more Truman Show #32317
    Lastlaughtruman
    Participant

    I know it’s not much but it’s a great start. Maybe today has been my most tempting day for no real reason. There’s isn’t even a remote chance that I will give into it, it turns out that the one negative thing that people have said about me is ” that I can be incredibly stubborn”. Somehow this negative trait has turned into a very positive advantage for me. My stubbornness serves me well when I challenge myself. In this last week I’ve played golf, ran, worked every hour of overtime offered, wrote some poetry lol, read a lot of forums on gambling, played tennis, planned my food for the week (never done that before), shopped for food for a week ( completely new one too), spent more time with good friends, spent some time in the garden, spent a lot of time in the bath, watched tv which never involved sport, I’ve cried a little, I’ve laughed a lot, I’ve learnt a lot of things about myself, I’ve started to like myself a little, I’ve moved myself from inside the bubble to outside the bubble, I’ve realised I’ve been a complete fool, I’ve accepted my losses, and saved a nice little sum. It’s an empowering feeling, I accept that I lost a piece of me to gambling but I’ve come back fighting and come back stronger than ever before. Whatever stage you are at in your recovery, stay strong, keep busy, keep posting and enjoy your life away from gambling. But most of all be honest and open.

    in reply to: Doing this properly….day one #32331
    Lastlaughtruman
    Participant

    Well done mate, your doing good. My mindset is in a similar place. I had a winning bet to pick up from a shop and I postponed it for today as to begin with I felt sick that I had to re enter this establishment. And nervous that I wouldn’t have been able to pick up my winnings and leave. Well I created a safety net for myself, chose a shop which I could park outside near town centre on double yellows. Parked up ran inside and all I could think about was don’t get caught on the double yellows (no parking) lol. Anyway I don’t think I needed the safety net, it was actually quite empowering just picking up the loot and leaving. Wasnt even an ounce of temptation. Got back in the car went straight into town and filled my cupboards full of food and bought some much needed things for the house. I bought healthy stuff of course as I now need a healthy body to help keep a healthy mind. My next mission is how quickly I can save back my losses, im currently giving my parents whom I see everyday at least £10 a day to keep hold of until I reach my Birthday in September. By that time I’d have easily saved my recent losses back and then go on holiday for 2 weeks a new person and over 6 months gamble free. I know my mentality tho, I’ve give myself 200 days to recover my losses @ £10 a day. I will be pulling out all the stops to do it under 100 days. It’s my new challenge, something to aim for, a reason to change, a new focus. I know I can only achieve this goal if I stay gamble free. Haven’t knocked back a single hours overtime since Wednesday night, I won’t allow myself an easy time of it. It’s my punishment for being a fool. Last time it was like I’d been jailed for 12 years, I thought I’d done my time but for re offending I’ve sentenced myself to a further 7 months, I might be lucky and get out around 3 months for good behaviour. I’m actually really enjoying my “new life”. I think it’s making me a better person. I’m spending more time with friends. I just hadn’t realised how time consuming my gambling had become. How’s your Sunday going? Keep safe and gamble free mate.

    in reply to: No more Truman Show #32316
    Lastlaughtruman
    Participant

    Thanks for your kind words, and there’s no need to be scared I am in a very good place at the moment. And I’m fortunate in I don’t owe a penny but have done in the past, I just realised I’d started to put myself on the slippery slope again and needed to act swiftly. The poem is only partly related to myself, and more about my previous gambling problem over 10 years ago. In comparison to today’s problems in the poem terms, I’ve just jumped of a boat and realised before I hit the water that I can’t swim, splashed around nearly drowned and jumped back on the boat. And I know it’s early days but this site has truly helped me find the boat to which I am thankful to all who post in here and who give up there time to run the site. I’m very lucky that although I can be occasionally stupid my past experiences actually help me today in recognising when I’m close to drowning. It’s a part of my life that I never want to find myself in again.

    in reply to: Doing this properly….day one #32327
    Lastlaughtruman
    Participant

    I think that of all the stories I have read on here, mine is most similar to yours. It is a challenge indeed, in fact it’s more than a challenge it’s life changing. Tonight for example is the start of the rugby super league and the six nations starts this weekend and the super bowl final on Sunday. I love watching rugby in all its forms and American football too… So I thought. Turns out that I loved gambling on these sports, watching them without a gambling interest is not actually that interesting. Maybe one day I might enjoy just watching but for now everything I would be enjoying watching on tv turns out to be a gambling opportunity, so no TV for me. And like you for me a $5 flutter is the first step to the thousand $ bets. I’m finding gambling has drove deeper into my life than I’d ever realised. Literally everything i surround myself with of an evening normally is an opportunity to gamble. Best wishes for your battle ahead, I am pretty certain we can do this my friend. Keep posting.

    in reply to: No more Truman Show #32314
    Lastlaughtruman
    Participant

    Thanks abettertomorrow, I hope we can all inspire each other. Questions are very powerful, sometimes even the most seemingly simplest of questions from other people can help switch a particular mindset that we have. When we get in that addictive bubble, we just need to stop and ask ourselves a question. At the moment my answers to my own questions are “no I can’t”. I’m hoping one day I can say “yes I can”. And walk past a gambling opportunity with my head held high and think I’ve lost more battles than I care to remember, but by snubbing the opportunity to re engage in a battle, I have won my war.

    in reply to: No more Truman Show #32312
    Lastlaughtruman
    Participant

    Thanks Charles I scored 9. I’ve known and know people whose gambling problems are a lot greater than mine, but I know I am on that slippery slope I’ve been on it before. I know it doesn’t matter whether I feel like I have bad luck, at the end of the day the reason I know I am here is my compulsion and my lack of control to gamble. I have read a few other stories and the one thing that came ringing true for me is the access to money. My recent slide is down to just that, I transferred 5k from my credit union accounts to my online banking accounts for home improvements and I’ve lost half of it before buying as much as a paint brush. I’ve spent 14 years repaying debt and the last 2 years I’ve been able to save. Now during them 14 years my cash flow was quite restricted, but I still gambled what I had left. Now after years of restricted spending and continuing that on to save in an account I can’t touch unless I transfer it over. I stupidly transferred my cash over and re-opened a can of worms. I’ve self excluded myself from everything available to me online, I was planning on self excluding myself from shops today but I have £125 to pick up from a bet from yesterday and as I was going to pick it up. I asked myself a question “can I guarantee to myself that I can walk in pick up my winnings and leave without having a bet?”. The answer was no I couldn’t, not today it was my day off and I had no plans making me susceptible to a gamble. Added to the fact that I have over 2k in available income in my accounts which needs to become untouchable before I can walk in to the bookmakers. Instead, I packed the car and walked round a boggy golf course on my own in the miserable weather to distance myself from the urges. And for the first time in a long long time I felt like I was outside of the bubble. It felt great it felt liberating, I felt in control ( but not of my golf shots, I’m worse at golf than I am at gambling lol ). So I’m trying to take positive steps, questioning myself, thinking, and reading other people’s stories on here to help readdress my situation. To realise how bad it can get, to accept defeat and to motivate myself to beat this illness.

    Thanks Charles, questions are good for me as some questions open up trains of thought that can shed light into places of darkness.

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