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  • in reply to: Still needing validation #3395
    Lu
    Participant

    Hi Shery
    It is heartbreaking but you know you did everything you could to help your husband and it is not your fault that he has made the decisions he has and you should not be made to feel guilty. I separated from my husband 3 months ago and am feeling just like you. I also feel guilty and receive text messages to make me feel guilty. I also worry he may suicide. It is unfair that despite walking away that our pain is still the same if not worse. Stay strong and cling onto why you walked away. I tell myself the same thing everyday.

    in reply to: Still needing validation #3391
    Lu
    Participant

    Hi Sheryl
    Reading your post was like reading about myself. I feel like I need validation despite knowing that I have done the right thing for myself, our children and my husband by separating from him.
    I separated from my husband 3 months ago in the hope that he would admit and realise the impact that his gambling has had. I never thought I would leave and still can’t believe I did. The day I left I had never seen him so angry and it scared me, perhaps that was what prompted me to separate (and him clearing out half his pay when he promised the day before he would not touch it). His mood swings were becoming worse and despite him admitting he has a ‘sporadic’ gambling problem and seeing a gambling counsellor in my heart I knew it was/is more than a sporadic problem.
    Sadly he still does not admit he has an addiction and he won’t admit that he is entirely responsible for my leaving. His behaviour and way he speaks to me (text messages and emails)is horrible, you would think I did something wrong, he blames me and is extremely defensive. The hardest thing for me to deal with is the seemingly moments of clarity where he is apologetic . I know that if he was truly apologetic and wanted to be back with me that he would not continue to send me cruel text messages and emails that he continues to do after his apologetic ones. I know he must admit that he has a gambling addiction before I could ever contemplate a future for us and importantly he must demonstrate to me he wants me back by his behaviour not by his apologetic words in his moments of self pity. It is so frustrating for me because I love him SO much and I can’t do anymore than what I have done.
    I know I must be strong but it is so so so hard. I am trying to take one day at a time. It is nice to know that I am not the only person feeling like I do and hopefully hearing how I feel may help you know you are not alone.

    in reply to: Thursday Group Apology #3411
    Lu
    Participant

    Thanks for advising the support group was not working.
    It was 3am in my time zone and I randomly woke up and thought I would enter to chat… glad it was not me!
    I love this website and read it every day since discovering it a month ago. It helps me somewhat to know I am not the only one that is experiencing such heartache. I know my husband must admit he has a gambling addiction in order for him to be the beautiful person he is and not treat me with such disrespect and verbal abuse. I have done all I can do to help him and know he must help himself. I separated from him and moved in with our 2 young children to my parents home in the hope he would realise the extent of the problem. However after almost 3 months nothing has changed. He has moments where he is apologetic but then reverts to blaming me and denial. I tell him if he wants to blame me he can as I realise it is his addiction and he tells me he is not addicted. Despite all I have and am enduring I would go back to him if only he could admit the full extent of his problem and start treating me like a loving husband. It is so sad dealing with his mood swings ie angry and cruel one day then apologetic the next.

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)