[m babz]

Hi lost, I’m new so probably shouldn’t be giving u advice but I want you to know that what I’ve read in this post makes me think that you must be an amazing and strong person. There are many people who would love step children that truly want to be with them so you must be Doing something right if you have two teenage girls onside. You Should just be upfront and say to them would you do the dishes and you take out the rubbish ( or whatever chores you need them to do) they are young and probably think you enjoy mothering them or don’t want to get in your way. Perhaps they see their time with you as relaxation time. I don’t know your situation but as you say you have a good relationship I am sure they do not mean to hurt you. Perhaps you should stop running after them and let your husband do it to see its not all sunshine in your world? I hope you dont have too stressful a weekend. X

[m babz]

Thanks so much velvet. I will suggest this site to him. If he agrees I would like this thread made invisible as he would recognise from it and he gets very annoyed if anything negative is said about his father. We have had arguments about how his father has dealt with the situation which I feel has contributed to my insecurities. I am glad to have found some support and hopefully I will get some for my cg also. I have heard of that place is it a kind of rehab? Do they have it in N.I or just mainland U.K?

[m babz]

Dawn 22. Thanks for your kind works they have made me feel happier in myself and you have provided me with food for thought. It is helpful to share my experience with others that have been there in the past. I know I have a long journey ahead of me and can only take it one day at a time. I am not completely sure of my fil involvement with the loans but I do know he was aware of them long before it came out to me thus he was at the very least part of the deception. I just hope my husband can see what is truly at stake before he has lost his marriage and his family. Thank you for your support

[m babz]

Sorry dawn 22 I think I didn’t express myself well in regards to the control part of the post. I meant me taking control of the situation as a whole in how it affects my life rather than leaving him with his father who could manipulate my husband and thus change how things are dealt with such as covering up the issue rather than dealing with it and teaching him to become more deceitful. I am glad to hear feedback from you all because I was starting to wonder if perhaps I was actually wrong and my fil approach was right. I do not know what the future will hold for us and if my cg is telling the truth or what I want to hear. I do not know what to do. The first time I tried your suggestion of not “policing” all his Internet and banking because I was really sick throughout the pregnancy and it was hard enough with work, a child and a house to keep without basically having another child to deal with. Because of that approach the blame has been shifted to me this time in that I have been told if I had been keeping control of the financial aspect of our lives and monitoring Internet history etc it wouldn’t have happened. My fil has also told me that it is my responsibility to take over my cgs account, Internet etc. I feel like I have done nothing wrong and have been given another responsibility to add to my already abundant list of duties

[m babz]

Hi twilight. Thanks for your comment. It is useful to hear about cg from a child of a cg’s point of view. My husband says that he wants help and has been to the dr. We are currently waiting for a referral from mental health and addiction team but as he is awaiting a driving ban transport to this may be difficult.
Since I found out last year I have not covered up his addiction and would’ve asked him weekly if he was gambling which he blatantly **** about. I don’t give him any money and take money off him to keep the house. I did not receive my money in december but thought this was due to underpayment in his wages and Christmas presents to buy for his parents. I now know he gambled his wages to try and make up the shortfall. I don’t think that I am an enabler but feel his father may be as he was in complete denial with me about this being the second time it had happened. He kept saying to me “anyone can make a mistake. He cant be punished for one mistake” when I pointed out this was the second time he continued with the anyone can make one mistake line. His father was also involved to a degree with my cg taking out payday loans which I was unaware of until long after he had done so. His father is also a **** as he told my parents he has been giving us money to keep the house every month. I know this is a complete *** as my cg does all his gambling online and I have recently accessed his bank account and there has been no money paid in to the account other than his wages and the few wins he had on bets. I also know that the money I got was not from his father either as I get my money transferred directly from my cgs account to mine. One of the reasons I took my husband home is because I feel he has a better chance of recovery with me as I am not in denial about everything that has happened. His father bets and I also think he is an emotional manipulator. He and my husband have their own personal issues also so I thought I would rather be in control than leave his father in control. Having said that I know that my husband has done wrong and there is no one to blame for that other than himself. I love him inspite of all the hurt he has caused me and my girls and how selfish he has been. I have given my parents all the children’s Christmas money to keep safe for me and I have also taken my cgs bank card and credit cards off him. I check his phone and bank account every day. He says the fear of being caught is the best deterrent he could have. However I am not naive and know if he really wanted to gamble he would not stop until he found a way. I plan to put the kids first and try to make sure that they do not go without and hope and pray that they do not pick up too much on the emotional side of it all

[m babz]

Thanks for everything last night velvet. It really helped to have someone understand what I’m going through and where I’m coming from x

[m babz]

How do I start a thread or join a group? I’m on an iPhone as I no longer have a computer ( as that is how the majority of gambling is done)

[m babz]

Hi I am also new and have never posted before. I can understand the Hurt and pain you are feeling. I discovered my husband was a cg 3 months after we got married and a week after being discharged from hospital due to severe morning sickness. He gambled all our wedding money, 10 grand of my savings, 15 grand of his own savings and also ran up debts in excess of 20 grand. I found this all out just before Christmas last year. Forward to boxing night this year and also my birthday. He finally confesses that he has never stopped gambling and blatantly **** every time I asked if he was. Sorry to hijack your status but I really can relate to you. I just wish I was giving you advice but don’t feel I can giving my current situation.

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