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  • in reply to: New mum and CG. On my road to recovery #167085
    Meghna83
    Participant

    I thought about this journal a couple of days ago.

    I have been clean since 01/07/2020. I attend zoom recovery meetings and share my experiences.

    This was my first point of call when I was lost and in need of help and hope.

    Life has thrown many curveballs my way and blessings too. I am expecting right now and and due early next year. My husband and I bought a new house and have renovated it. All our money we have has been put to good use. My family and I are in good health and provided for.

    I am still working and taking responsibility for the things in my life.

    Life can be difficult however I am grateful

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by Meghna83.
    in reply to: I’ve lost everything & now my life is empty #117543
    Meghna83
    Participant

    Hi izzi,

    Well done on the almost 4 months clean time.

    It is fear that has led you back out and it is fear from both yourself and your partner which is leaving you both to arguing and causing distress within the relationship.

    Ultimately you did gamble not too long ago and the consequences of that is that your partner has been left feeling doubtful again. However, it is not helpful nor conducive to moving forward to keep bringing up the past in this manner. Trust does not return easily also which needs to be understood.

    My sponsor reminds me that self pity is not going to help me and will lead me back out.

    As far as finances are concerned. I never gave up my finances and neither did my husband want me to. He is not so controlling as me. I did however stay accountable by showing him our balance now and again and accounted for every penny. Action and full transparency is needed to built up the trust. I placed all the money into a no access account and we are in the process of now completing the purchase of our family home.

    Izzi I would recommend you attend some zoom meetings to hear what other CGs have faced and how many have stayed clean for years and decades.

    Here is the link –

    Home

    I would be happy to share my story. My name is Sofie on the meetings. I hope to see you there soon.

    All the best

    in reply to: Day 3 #78300
    Meghna83
    Participant

    Hi newday54,

    These were your words not too long ago

    I have not been able to stay away since my last post over 3 weeks ago. The shocking thing is that since my last post I have continued to generally win…’

    … I just set a timer to try to stay away and lock in my recent wins…I have been fortunate to win a good amount of it back these last 3 months. A lot of people don’t get this good fortune and a true “second chance.” I cannot waste it!!!‘

    Compulsive gambling is a lose lose situation. There are no wins so one needs to drop that word and live in reality. Until a compulsive gambler surrenders to this illness by not placing a bet, it is only a matter of time before it will bite back.

    in reply to: New mum and CG. On my road to recovery #77217
    Meghna83
    Participant

    Hi Kin,

    I read all your past messages and today’s message also. Thank you for all your positive messages in my journal.

    I am so pleased you are on the zoom meetings. Gamblersinrecovery.com lists all the meetings worldwide. My name is Sofie on the zooms so if you’re on a meeting I’m on please do reach out.

    I am always appreciative of your messages and wish you well my friend.

    God is great and has kept me clean today.

    Meghna83
    Participant

    Hi Murr,

    As far as will power is concerned, there clearly is none. That’s why this is an addiction. Self will run riot. You have to surrender to this addiction. It is more powerful than you and has you licked.If you choose to place even a $1 bet it will destroy you as your experience has shown again and again. You have to accept and surrender to the fact that you are a compulsive gambler. Gambling will beat you every time and it gets progressively worse.

    Like you explained that previously it took months to get into 30k debt. This time you had to pay the price of over 50k in just 3 days. This illness gets progressively worse. This is my experience and apparently yours too.

    As for Plaza’s advice. The man is still placing bets on sports so is still feeding his addiction. He wrote:

    « I hate myself for the money I have lost through my lifetime and I still continue to gamble on sports betting but that’s always been in moderation. »

    I am either working on my recovery or working my addiction. I cannot be doing both at the same time. I cannot be clean whilst gambling even $1. A bet is a bet.

    Please keep attending GA meetings. You can’t do this on your own my friend.

    • This reply was modified 3 years ago by Meghna83.
    • This reply was modified 3 years ago by Meghna83.
    Meghna83
    Participant

    Great to hear from you Murr.

    As a compulsive gambler I am in no position to advise or talk down to anyone, you are spot on about that.

    As for walking away after “big wins” firstly, for me, they are not big wins as I paid for them in my losses. Secondly, if I could walk away that would mean I have power over this addiction, which clearly I do not.

    This is an illness and I have it.

    I’m so glad you decided on the meetings Murr. When one solution doesn’t work fully we look at what else can be done to not place a bet just for today.

    I am a loser, no matter how much money is involved, because I am a compulsive gambler. It’s a lose lose situation my experience has told me.

    Wishing you all the best Murr. You work your recovery in the way that feels right to you and we are always here to support and love you.

    The only thing I have to do 100% right in a 24 hour period is not place a bet on anything. No slots, no sports, no raffle. It’s all gambling which I have said No to (just for today)

    Peace and love to you and your loved ones

    Meg

    • This reply was modified 3 years ago by Meghna83.
    in reply to: New mum and CG. On my road to recovery #76386
    Meghna83
    Participant

    There is no win always a lose because gambling is a business, a past time and preoccupation of the sick, like me. I am a compulsive gambler and I have been clean and in recovery for some time.

    There is no fight, only surrender. There is no justifying or explaining to anyone but God who by his will keeps me off a bet each day

    Just for today I will not gamble. I will keep working on myself a day at a time as more will be revealed

    Meghna83
    Participant

    Home

    Hi murr

    I have been on these zooms since mid July 2020 and it has kept me clean to date.

    Please give it a chance. You will learn so much about this disease and find much support.

    I hope to see you there

    Much love

    Meg

    in reply to: fresh start #73499
    Meghna83
    Participant

    For me gambling means day one whether I accept it or not.

    I have the chemical imbalance in the brain when I gamble so it is day 1 to clear that

    Rigorous honesty is key in recovery

    in reply to: A new day #70923
    Meghna83
    Participant

    hi well done for your deleting  that add on Facebook. 

    When I stopped gambling I had to also stop the digital scratch cards as Scratch tickets are a form of gambling. 

    not placing a bet on all forms of gambling allows one to really be clean from gambling and not get that chemical change in the mind and body 

    in reply to: New mum and CG. On my road to recovery #69245
    Meghna83
    Participant

    Gambling is an emotional problem not a financial one.

    Therefore I am here because I am not ‘all there’. I proved that by gambling for a year, inviting chaos and inner unrest in my home and pressing the self destruct button.

    My recovery depends on my truthfulness. Just for today I will not gamble

    in reply to: New mum and CG. On my road to recovery #69244
    Meghna83
    Participant

    As soon as I allow anyone to disturb my peace I am in trouble. I will guard my serenity thanks to the will of God

    Just for today I will not react to the ignorance and cowardice of the division of people. I am grateful for each and every person’s experience and strength.

    Had I not found GT online I would not have found GA and I would not have found my home group and sponsor.

    If I think the world runs on my will, I am wrong. My best thinking led me to gambling. Let go and let God.

    Today I am grateful

    in reply to: Day 3 #69203
    Meghna83
    Participant

    If you identify as a compulsive gambler then this is for life. 

    i recommend the zoom meetings. I gambled the same way as you only with devastating results. i do not test or tempt myself anymore. There are no excuses for me.

    compulsive gambling will lead you to the depths of despair again and again until ot unless you surrender to this disease and say NO MORE

    in reply to: My story, my success. #69097
    Meghna83
    Participant

    RESPECT (That is the first word that came to my mind)

    thank you so much for sharing this.

    in reply to: My journey #69096
    Meghna83
    Participant

    Congratulations on your 70 days GF. I once heard the saying « I am not c o u n t i n g the days but am making the days c o u n t»

    If I have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, then I am in a position to defecate on my present. Living in the present, one day at a time.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 333 total)