[mnn2300]

So we are coming up on 3 weeks since my brother moved in with us.
No sign of his gambling, in fact he really never leaves the house/yard unless he is with us since he does not have a car. Has not said anything about the filter on the computer – not sure if that’s because he hasn’t tried to get to a gambling site or he just hasn’t mentioned that he is blocked from those kinds of sites. So far so good on that respect. He paid his rent the day his Social Security check came, so why do I feel so much anger towards him? Well I know why, I just don’t know how to let it go.
1.) I am angry because of the position he is in – having to live with us because he has never taken responsibility to plan for his future and his gambling that took away what he had. How do some of you deal with anger? My wife and I get out of the house on our own but he’s always there when we get back.
2.) I have diminished lung capacity due to an illness a couple years ago, so I really really have a hard time with him smoking. I don’t let him smoke in the house but do let him smoke outside, but I still smell it on him and his clothes. I have to have an air purifier going in the house 24/7 due to the smoke that clings to him and his clothes. I really don’t have a problem with my lungs/breathing unless I am around smoke (or exercising excessively).
3.) he talks all the time. My job keeps me on the phone 8 hours a day and most days all I want when I get home is peace and quiet and I’ve told him this and he says he understood and was better for a day, however he has a hard time in silence, he has to fill it with something and that usually him talking about nothing important usually about about some TV show he watched, or some sports team that I don’t follow and could care less about. I reminded him that I told him I needed some quite time and he said he was sorry but 2 hours later he’s back at it again.
I’m kind of feeling like the brother in the Prodigal Son story, the one that did what he should, yet I have to take care of the brother who went off and had fun and blew all his money and now ***** someone to take care of him.
Sorry to whine and complain. I just don’t know how to let the anger I feel go, any ideas?

[mnn2300]

Adele asked “So I am wondering: Are y’all doing this just so he has food and a roof over his head, or are you doing this to give him the opportunity to stop gambling and get his life back?”
Its both really, I would say mainly to make sure he has a roof and food. I don’t know how much he can get his life together or if he even thinks about trying. He’s lost everything to his addiction and at age 70 its really too late to get everything back.

[mnn2300]

Thank you all for your posts, they have really opened my eyes. He will be here Saturday morning.
We already have a safe that he knows nothing about that is in our ******, all really valuables are there.
We will be keeping a close eye for problems. His Social Security comes on the 3rd of each month so that evening he will need to get me the money for room and board. Since we live in a major metro area there are shelters in the area so if his addiction takes over I can get him in the car and drop him at the door to one if necessary. I have the addresses of two within 20 miles of here.
While I am hoping for the best, I will be watching closely for the worst

[mnn2300]

Thank you for that visual Velvet, it actually really helps.
We have him scheduled on a flight down here for the 15th. We are doing some minor remodeling to insure my wife and I have some privacy which we really feel is important.
I have laid down some rules already, and when I get the computer ready for him will install bet filter. Like I said I don’t want to be his jailer, but he will need to follow our rules about no gambling.
Anyone else have any advice, please post, I will be checking a couple ***** a day.
I REALLY appreciate the advice given so far, I am really learning a lot – thanks!

[mnn2300]

Thank you all for your quick replies.
I believe I will install betfilter. It was my first idea to install a filter, but my wife said ‘we need to give him a chance’ Personally I think he had his chance when he gambled away the house and car, anyway thanks for confirming how I felt.
To adele – nice to know there’s another Texan here. We do live in the suburbs of Dallas and I knew there were buses up to the Oklahoma casinos, but the places they pick people up are quite a ways from here. I don’t know of any casinos in this area.
I don’t know if he is willing to do a gamblers anonymous type program or not. While he has lost everything I am not sure from the way he is talking that he thinks he has a problem, it sounds more like he thinks he just had some bad luck. I say this because he made the comment about the recent large Powerball drawing that if he had bought a ticket his money problems could have been over – unfortunately I wasn’t quick enough thinking to say something like ‘gambling is the cause of your problems not the cure’ of course I thought of that reply 2 days later instead of at the time.

Since he does not have a car, and will be in a strange (to him) city with no friends here yet, I think that and the betfilter program will limit his ability to gamble. Unfortunately he still will be able to buy lottery tickets from a store 2 blocks away, but I don’t see what we can do about that, I can not lock him in the house and both my wife and I have jobs so he will be on his own about 9 hours a day weekdays.
I do worry about the fact that we do have some nice things in our house and he did sell off a bunch of stuff from his/our parents house to finance his gambling. I guess the first time something comes up missing I’ll have to decide from there.
My problem is I don’t want to be his ‘jailer’ I want to be his concerned brother who will not put up with gambling/********, etc. I admit I really don’t like him moving in with us, but he’s family.
I really appreciate the advise as I’ve never had to deal with this type of issue before.

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