[pamred]

Hi everyone,
thank you for you comments of support.
I had every intention of going on to chat last night but I was exhausted. I actually went to bed at 7pm when I took my son up. I think the exhaustion is due to the emotions I have been through over the past week or so.

I kept myself fairly busy yesterday, managed to do around a third of my essay. My degree is history. I decided to enroll around the time I stopped gambling in the past. I figured it would be a good distraction and keep me busy along with my full time job. It certainly worked initially.
I know that I use gambling as a distraction from boredom and loneliness although deep down I know its more than that. I use it to fill the time to avoid thinking about things and having to face them. This is something that I will be working on next year.

I cleaned the house from top to bottom and actually put away my piles of washing. I feel that that was a big achievement yesterday, haha.

I made a healthyish tea of slimey sausages (sausages in onion gravy), cauliflower cheese and veg. Im going to try and make better meals as my diet has been pretty poor of late, mainly chocolate and diet coke.

Throughout the day I had many thoughts of gambling but managed to tell my irrational mind to ‘bog off’, I’m proud that I silenced her yesterday but I’m under no illusions that it will always be so easy.

Todays plan is to crack on with my essay and hopefully do at least another third. I also borrowed a book from the library at the school I work at that I’ve had since before the summer. My plan is to read some of that so I can finally return it when we go back next week. I’m meeting up with a friend this evening so I don’t think I will make it to the new members chat tonight but will aim for the one later in the week.

I hope everyone has a positive day today

[pamred]

Hi Monica,
I have just read through your thread and just wanted to say how inspiring it is, particularly reading your 2019 review. Today is day one for me of a second attempt.
Your positivity has, in a way, given me motivation that my 2020 review will be inspiring to someone else. I don’t usually set myself resolutions but I think this year I will actually write a list and ways to achieve my goals.
All the best for another gf year.

[pamred]

Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate the time you have taken to read and reply.
I’ve had a read through some other threads, it;s such a relief to know that others share the same struggles and feelings.
When I woke up this morning I initially felt positive and then within minutes that churning feeling in my stomach hit. I realised I needed to add up the damage of the past week and make a financial plan for the month. Its going to be tight b ut I’m actually looking forward to the challenge of being as frugal as possible. I kind of think if I can get through the next month, I can do anything, right?
I decided to go on a long walk to a shop to get milk and being out in the fresh air has helped. I’ve since cleaned the house from top to bottom and I’m now going to distract myself by cracking on with some studying. I’m in year 2 of 6 of an Open University History degree.
I’ve had thoughts of ‘just putting a tenner into an online account to recover some losses’ but my rational mind knows this is rubbish and it won’t just be a tenner. I’m on a mission to give my rational mind lots of strength to overpower the irrational thinking. so today’s mantra is ‘irrational mind, shut the chuff up’ .
Right, off to my essay for now.

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