[Shelly1]

Velvet,
Just an update. My husband was gone for 2 days. Upon returning he says he has his gambling under control. He’s refusing to go to therapy or counseling. During our talk his focus was on how hard it has been for him to be away. He says being away has made hI’m realize he has to and can quit on his own. I told him I love you and separation to me means we need time apart, there is hope, we r still married but I can’t live this way anymore. It ended with him saying he’s trying to figure out where to go. He wouldn’t speak to me again last night or this am. In my mind he still is in denial and doesn’t grasp the extent of his addiction or the damage it has caused. It breaks my heart to see him sad and crying, but that has been my life for years. I’m awaiting him to contact me and telling me his plans. If anyone else has thought also I welcome them. Thank you.

[Shelly1]

Velevt, thanks so much for your response. Since my last post some things have happened. He came home packed his bag initially didn’t want to talk but ended up declaring on his own that he had his gambling under control, he has only gambled “small amounts” and no matter what he does it isn’t good enough for me. He said he won’t go to counseling but would occasionally go to a GA meeting. I think he is in denial. He hugged me and kissed me and our son and left. During this entire time we are both crying. I hope that he reaches the point that is his rock bottom and seeks help. It breaks my heart but as you know it has been broken and re broken over and over. He has no sense or idea the act his addiction has had on his family and I understand this is part of the addiction. I want him to get well but at this time I’m not sure if we will reunite or not. I’m trying to take this day by day or minute by minute. My priority at this time is my son and myself. I will focus on our health and recovery. Regardless I will always love my husband, but I may not be able to be his wife anymore. I will always be his friend if he decides to accept that.

[Shelly1]

Velvet, I figured he would either be realay angry and mean or tearful and try to convince me he’s been clean. This is based on his behavior in the past. However, this is different in the fact that I am serious ND I think he knows it. In the past, I have always responded with love and support. I am ready to new off this Roller coaster and have peace in my life. I know I cannot change him or his actions. Maybe this will be the catalyst for him seeing he needs help. For him, I hope so. If he chooses to continue this kind of life, I can do nothing to stop him. I can protect myself and my son and our future. I am ready to be happy again and if that means without him, then I will have to go through that. My initial goal is actual physical legal separation. Thanks for your input.

[Shelly1]

Deb, thanks so much for your post. At this time it’s very strange at my house so I can only post a quick reply right now. I told my husband yesterday due to his past choices and those choices he’s continuing to make I’m filing for separation,. He literally said NOTHING. he has avoided the house and been gone most of the last 2 days. I’m trying to give him time to process this, but I’m sure he won’t talk unless forced to. I would really like to chat with you about your situation as well. Again thanks for the post. I will post again as soon as I can. Hang in there…

[Shelly1]

My husband continues to lie and gamble. Won’t do counseling and is hit or miss with GA mtg. I am going to tell him I’m filing for legal separation today. I am very worried how he will react

[Shelly1]

Hoping someone will see this and respond to my 2 previous posts…. thank u

[Shelly1]

I forgot to mention the stress is taking a toll on more than my emotional well being. I am constantly sick to my stomach, headaches and panic attacks. I am starting to see a counselor and have went to my family dr. My immune system is down and I’m deficient in some vitamins and anemic

[Shelly1]

My husband says he has an addiction, but believes he can quit thru willpower. He believes if he goes to GA meetings that is all he needs. However he has never once used the people from GA as a resource. He even lied to them and said he’d been 30 days gamble free. I can’t count or even remember the number of times he’s lied, gambled or how much money he has lost. I basically feel indifferent now. When I think about us separating I feel a huge sense of relief. I almost feel I need to wait for him to get “caught” with a large amount to be justified in leaving. I do know that everything I have done to this point hasn’t helped. I don’t want to make a mistake. Please help

[Shelly1]

Velvet, it brought me to tears to have received a response to my post. Thank you. My husband has attended GA MEETINGS Aand has met with a couple of different counselors who specialize in gambling addiction. However, he always stops going. He believes he can stop by will power and God’s help. In fact he is at a meeting right now. The last time he went he lied to the GA attendees saying he was free of gambling and got a key chain. He was so proud telling me about it, it was a lie. He has lied over and over and over. Stolen money from me I had set aside for bills, Christmas, vacation, etc…he has lied to friends and family to get money from them also. We have a 14 Yr old son. We have spoken to him with a limited amount of info about his dad’s addiction. I have to check our bank account online several times a day, taken his credit cards , regardless he always finds a way. This last time, I opened my own account for my paycheck to be deposited in to. Things have been very distant between us and he told me he will do what it takes to kept me. I told him he has to quit for himself or it will never work. He doesn’t get it. Whatever he does treatment wise this time will be to appease me. I get physically sick from the stress and worry. I do not know what to do.

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