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  • in reply to: Did he ever care, is leaving the right thing #6970
    Sophia E
    Participant

    Hi,

    Sorry to hear about your story. I threatened to leave a million times and I always meant it but when you love someone it’s so hard to actually see it through. Mainly out of fear that they will move on and become better for somebody else. Although we are over and he has already moved on to an ex, which is extremely hurtful and humiliating for me, I would have always have helped him. It’s very obvious only one of us felt love in that relationship. However, I appreciated him being honest and coming to me with the issue rather than me finding out. I think you should sit down with your wife and be honest. Show her that you are making steps to stop gambling and pay off your debts. She will find out anyway sooner or later and it would be much better if you were honest and upfront, that would show to me personally that you recognise an issue and are seeking help. Having to find out by seeing bank statements etc will look like you are hiding it and will make everything appear worse. Good luck.

    in reply to: Did he ever care, is leaving the right thing #6968
    Sophia E
    Participant

    Hi Velvet,

    Thank you for your reply :). I work a lot and spend a lot of time with my siblings as they truly are my best friends. I catch up with friends and have dinner etc but I’m saving for my own home so trying to cut all of that down. Plus, all my friends are engaged and having babies so I feel sad a lot of the time when I’m with them as they have everything I wish for. I am happy for them of course but also envious and sad.

    He is 33 years old. I had to message him the other day as on top of his gambling I had heard that he was in contact with an ex partner. He was very cold towards me and said our relationship was over and blocked me (although I ended it two weeks ago as previously stated). That’s very unusual behaviour and he’s never reacted to me in that way before or blocked me. I am very hurt as out of everyone I have stuck by him, supported him whilst making him take accountability and this is how he treats me. I feel very humiliated and embarrassed.

    He recently blocked himself on all line sites. I’m not sure how that works but he felt better about it and seemed positive, he also attends counselling. The thing is I don’t know a huge amount about gambling so not sure if these are good things or if he could be doing more. He seems angry at me, maybe for cutting him off but I had no choice. I’m sad that it’s likely he will sort himself out for his ex who he claimed to be so unhappy with but couldn’t for me.

    He has had this issue for 10 years. He can’t even stop for his Dad I guess so why would he for me. His Dad is likely to not be able to retire because he wouldn’t be able to afford to after all the help he has given. He’s a very selfish person and I guess he may stop for her but it’s likely he will do it again at some point. I wish I could just keep telling myself I’m better off but it just all hurts so bad. Heartbreak really is the worst, especially when you know they could have a wonderful life if they could get better. X

    in reply to: Did he ever care, is leaving the right thing #6966
    Sophia E
    Participant

    Hi Velvet, thank you for your reply. This is the first time I have written on here as I was a little nervous. I didn’t know how much info to put.

    He constantly says he feels like his gambling addiction is suffocating him, that he feels worthless etc but then he goes back and does it all over again. Alrhough he says he wants to change I have seen very little improvement. It’s almost like he came clean and it got worse. I really have tried to help and have stuck by him but the more I do the more I feel he is taking advantage of my loyalty. 

    He is in £90 thousand pounds worth of debt, he is constantly bailed out by his family with very little repercussion. When he recently won money gambling it was almost celebrated, I couldn’t stop crying and no one seemed to understand why! I have told his dad he should let him go bankrupt, stop enabling etc as his credit is immaculate (because he is always bailed out) which allows him more and more access to credit. I was honestly fighting a losing battle. He earns minimal wage, yet wears designer clothes, member at the best gym and golf clubs, drives a fancy car and he nor them can see that it isn’t right even thou his dad has no money either. They never understood why that bothered me so much, I would be working all the hours available and never treated myself because I wanted to save for OUR house. I definitely began to resent him.

    He has had this problem for 5 years, he can go years, months with nothing. When he is low in mood or lacking confidence he seems to gamble again knowing full well it makes him depressed. He is going counselling again as he thinks it helps but he hasn’t done anything else. He says if I wasn’t in his life he would have no reason to stop gambling so I feel bad for leaving but against him and his family I will never win.

    He claimed to love me. Wanted this break to fix himself so we can be happy and he’s done nothing. I feel hurt and taken advantage of, I have stuck by him I really have and he’s let me go without a fight after telling me only days before that he loves me more than anything, it’s so so hurtful. I want to help but really don’t know how. I have wasted so much of my time already and everytime we argue it it turns on my like its all my fault and I’m just argumentative. I really am torn, I have read some stories on here and it makes him not look too bad but this isn’t the person I fell in love with. He was able to control it at one stage and now it’s the worst it’s ever been. It’s so hard to write about every time he has gambled because it seems like it only happens when we are separated (or so he says). Gambaling is a horrible disease, he has so many lovely qualities and could live a happy life but it’s all over shadowed by his selfishness. x

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