[Steev]

I know it’s been a long time – but I still think about this place from time to time and wonder how you are all doing. I notice one or two names I remember from a couple of years ago … I hope others are not here because they no longer need to be. I am still gamble free. Currently in Spain having spent the last 4 months in Portugal. I will be back in the UK next month but leaving again for the 3rd round of travels in July. I would much rather have this life than the one I had stood in front of a flashing machine, pushing in coin after coin. Keep doing what you need to do to keep gamble free and enjoy your life!

[Steev]

Well done Idi – great to see you doing so well.

[Steev]

I hope you have a happy and healthy 2021 Monica … oh and gamble free of course!

[Steev]

The link is here: https://gamblersinrecovery.com 

[Steev]

If you read through the threads in this forum, you will see that there is plenty here to guide you.
n1) Ban yourself from places where you play both on-line and off.
n2) Lose access to money, get your fiance to handle your finances for you (you don’t have to say why you need this right now – but it does help to be honest!)
n3) Lose access to the time to gamble. Find something else, another passion but not one that will cause problems (like alcohol) to spend your time on.
n4) Get good support for yourself. Maybe try counselling if it is available in your country, or zoom meetings for gamblers who wish to stop – https://gamblersinrecovery.com or talk to a medic.
nYou can also visit the groups on this site. There are facilitated groups for new people on Mondays and Thursdays so you know someone else will be there. Times are shown on the yellow tab “support groups.” I wish you well.

[Steev]

I love the vision board idea … I might try that myself!

[Steev]

But then I have said that before.

[Steev]

You managed not to gamble for 6 months which was no mean feat. Is it possible to learn from what you did then and put it into practice again.
nI am sure if you have read around the site – you know the 4 ways of stopping are 1) to ban or exclude yourself from places where you gamble 2) to lose access to money – get someone else (your wife?) to handle your finances. 3) to get great support for yourself – by attending (virtually these days) self-help groups (https://gamblersinrecovery.com) or through counselling. 4) By finding other passions which will fill up your time so you will not be bored, just be careful not to substitute another problem behaviour for gambling.
nI know people have problems with 2) because it means coming clean with loved ones – but it IS always better that the news of your gambling comes from you – than the partner finds out. It is not something to rush into though and you may wish to get advice from experienced GA members for example. I wish you well.

[Steev]

I was writing about my gambling experience earlier and noticed that I used the words betting when I was talking about fruit machines (slots.)
nIt made me think that I NEVER used the word betting to refer to my gambling at the time. I always was “just” playing not actually gambling.
nI wonder if this is one of the ways in which we minimise what we are doing in our heads. “Oh it is just play – it doesn’t really matter.”
nGambling and betting is a lot more serious, I was only losing tens of pounds in a day – not like “real” gamblers.
n
nPerhaps in the mornings when I was having the inevitable debate with myself about whether I should “play” or not – I said in my head, now should I go out and “ruin my finances” or stay in and read a good book instead, it would have helped me to stay away earlier. I don’t know – but I pose this as a discussion point for you all!

[Steev]

Two thoughts I had about your post.
n1) The “should I shouldn’t I” dance that goes on inside our heads when we are considering a gamble – became a warning for me. I used it as a sign that I needed to double down on my recovery, because although I might be strong the first few times it happens – I know (from past experience) that the “play” side will win.
n2) That you have identified a trigger. Seeing scratch cards is a link to gambling for you and one you could try to avoid. I know that is not easy, but could you get your cigarettes from a machine which has no cards around – or do you know an outlet where cards are not on view near the ciggys? Not easy I know – but then whoever said that recovery would be easy. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Watching young elk playing in the pool … just sounds magical.  I hope in your three days off you can see the world through a 3 year olds’ eyes.  The beauty of the nature around you sounds wonderful and so much better than a stuffy casino with no windows to look out of!

I am sure that you can find it within yourself to resist the urge to gamble and maybe find some beautiful walks or something special to do with your grand-daughter when she comes back to you.  That will make beautiful memories for both of you!

[Steev]

I don’t know about Malaysia – but there is GA on zoom now and the meetings can be accessed world-wide. Here is the link: https://gamblersinrecovery.com

[Steev]

I sometimes wonder if we are happy but we just don’t know it. What I mean is that we spend so long chasing “being happy” that we don’t realise that it is the wrong thing to do. If we perceive happiness as being a lack in our life then we will keep looking for it and become upset when we fail; whereas if we just allow ourselves to be – one day we wake up and find out, “actually I am quite happy right now.”
n
nIn gambling terms – it’s a bit like the more I think about how great it would be to gamble – but I know I can’t do it; the more tempted I am to go ahead – it is only when I stop thinking about gambling altogether and get on with the rest of my life, do my gambling thoughts and desires disappear.
n
nMark Manson puts it better than me (but some of his language is a bit rich!) https://markmanson.net/stop-trying-to-be-happy
n
nFacebook isn’t real. People post when they are having a great time getting drunk with friends on the Friday night – they don’t post the hangover / diarrhoea / puking on the Saturday lunchtime. Enjoy your own life whatever it is – don’t go poking about wondering what everyone else is doing. I never go out on a Friday and Saturday night now as these are teaching times for me. Okay – I am 63 and an old fart, but my students are not – one of them (in his mid 20’s) living in Rio – would rather spend part of his night learning English than partying on Copacabana beach!
n
nOh – and if classical music is not causing you a problem in your life – then I don’t think it can be called an addiction. If it is then I am guilty because I have BBC Radio 3 on most of the time (it can be listened to from anywhere in the world!) Try the Shostakovitch Cello and Violin concertos … and if I get to choose my funeral music it will be this piece: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlMHjo7Jwhk
n
nI’ve gone through the deeply unhappy periods and come through – I am sure you can too. Just look at what makes you happy and do more of it – including the music! 🙂

[Steev]

I don’t often have news – things have become rather predictable as of late … but I have managed to move storage units and the new price is roughly half of what the old place would have been had I accepted the price increase – so I am pleased. The only hitch in the move was that my unit is on the first floor and the lift was broken on the day most of the stuff arrived – so we had to unload the van into a ground floor unit and then I came back two days later, with another friend (I know I have at least 2!) and we moved it upstairs. I would have left it downstairs but the area is prone to flooding and I didn’t want to take the chance.

The second piece of news is that I am definitely going to Scotland (well unless I am ill or in quarantine!) I have found a place in the borders, to the south of Edinburgh and it is on a country estate with 5 acres of gardens. I am always nervous about going somewhere new and I have booked it from November to mid-January, but I needed to move on now that I am a traveller! I am feeling better stomach-wise and am working less so that I can get on with clearing stuff. I wonder if there is a link between gambling and hoarding??

[Steev]

Talking these things through – is a good thing, better I think than him bottling it up and it coming out in a different argument, which I know is something that I was guilty of.  It sounds as if you will need to get used to each other again – it is a new beginning for you both.

I have also stopped watching TV.  Not sure what that is about!

[Author]

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