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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 31 total)
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  • in reply to: It’s been a while #9625
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    Compulsive Gambler
    I will make this work!

    in reply to: gambling story, ugly and true #9545
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    Boy to I feel that pain. Been there.. literally.. Thanks for posting. It reminded me of that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are desperate and know you have no way out and no one to blame but yourself. That horrible feeling of self loathing and desperation where ideas you never thought were possible pop into your head. I never want that feeling again. It cost me too much.
    Thanks again.
     I will make this work!

    in reply to: It’s been a while #9623
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    Thanks Cat.. I think we are all familiar with the voices! lol. Those that try to justify our urges… "You can just go this one time." "Know one will know." "You can control how much you spent." "It isn’t really a problem for you anymore."
    blah, blah, blah… Wish I could find that little devil and choke the **** out of him. Too bad he is the CG part of us.
     I will make this work!

    in reply to: Hooked #9554
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    It’s good that you recognize this problem for what it is. I’m going to tell you something you may not want to hear.. quitting is hard and you need help. The first thing I would recommend is talking to your parents or a trusted adult who can help you. They can help you put barriers in place that make it harder for you to gamble. I did that when I first began recovery. My boyfriend, my mom and my best friend all helped. I knew that if I needed money I had to ask for it and that they would hold me accountable for it by making sure I always had receipts for what I needed. I couldn’t secretly gamble with it. I also put myself on the self exclusion or ban list to the casinos that operate close to my home. So now that I have my finances back I still would have to drive at least 2 hours to gamble at a casino. This site is also a great place for support. Read what others have posted it will help you and keep posting.
    Congratualtions on this new phase of your life! You can do it. Take it one day at a time. I still pledge every day not to gamble that day. I can make it through one day. Those days now add up to almost 6 months and it has gotten easier and easier. Plus knowing that I would have to give up all that I have worked for and start back at square one is another thing that keeps me from going.
     I will make this work!

    in reply to: I need help, and do not know where to turn….. #9558
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    Iluvsuperman,
    There are a number of things that I learned in hindsight since I have stopped gambling..
    1. Your not alone. There are so many people just like you. Regardless of what you have done or how low you have sank there is someone outhere either at a GA meeting or on this site who has been that low or done those things. I read things all the time and think, wow that’s me! I find comfort in that.
    2. My dirty little secret wasn’t so secret after all. Turns out it was just the secret no one talked about but a number of my closest friends and relatives knew.. although most of them didn’t know how bad it was. I just thought I was fooling everyone. I was wrong.
    The best part about the folks here is that there is no judgment and you will be supported.
    Goodluck.
     I will make this work!

    in reply to: It’s been a while #9621
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    So Lee has gone back to work out of town. This makes me depressed, I miss him. It also puts me in the situation of having a lot of time on my hands which I won’t be accountable for. It will be even worse starting Friday when the kids leave to go to their dads house. And I get paid tomorrow. I can look at that equation (Depression plus Time plus Money) and know that in the past it was equaled gambling. So I’m going to try to head it off at the pass. Yesterday I started training for a 5K with my daughter in August, we have several friends who are going to run in it as well. I figure it will give me something to do and a goal and it also makes me too tired to do anything else, lol. I’m not saying I’m planning to gamble, I just know my triggers so I’m trying to prepare… Fingers crossed… Keep me in your prayers..
     I will make this work!

    in reply to: It’s been a while #9620
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    Congrats RG! 50 days is awesome! I will make this work!

    in reply to: It’s been a while #9617
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    Going out on a date night with Lee, had to pass by the casino, wonder if there will ever be a time when I don’t feel a pull to go in thereI will make this work!

    in reply to: This is Day 1 for me #11259
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    Take it an hour and then a day at a time. Celebrate the small victories because at first it is very hard for each moment. Put barriers in place like not having access to money. That was a huge thing for me. First, because as an independent adult it’s hard to give someone else control and second because you have to admit to people (other than yourself) how big your problem is. As CG’s who are actively gambling we all work very hard to hide our problem. But it’s so so much easier to make it through an urge when you don’t have any money to gamble with anyway. Plus you know there is someone who will hold you accountable. Also self exclusion or banning is a great (and for me necessary) barrier. It made me feel so proud of myself to take those steps and has helped a lot. Remember two things. 1. There will be good days and bad days bug it does get easier (at least it has for me). 2. There is no judgement here. If you fall off the wagon or whatever you can post it here and people will still be supportive. You just have to get right back up and try again. Goodluck! I believe that you can be successful! We all can!
    I will make this work!

    in reply to: Today is my 30th gamble free day #11340
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    Haven’t posted in a while, I have been busy with life. Still going strong and gamble free. I lost my dream job in September, which started my downward spiral (this time anyway). I have been working a temporary job since October which was a huge cut in pay, not to mention what it took to acclimate from being a big fish in my friend to an underling. Was grateful for the job but concerned about a long term plan. This week an opportunity to go back into my field (journalism) basically fell in my lap. I will be making only slightly less than what I made before and I get to do what I love. I’m nervous but determined to make it work. I start next Monday. I was discussing my addiction with Lee this weekend. He still doesn’t grasp how I could let casino’s take over my life but I hope he will someday. One of the things that I said to him was ghat when this journey started I did it for him. To show him how sorry I was and because I never wanted to have to hurt him by ***** again. But now after almost two months it’s not about him but about me and what I want for my life and for my future regardless of what it holds. I have been through **** and have worked too hard to give this up. That thought helps me when I get the urge (and believe me I still do). I’m glad I have barriers in place and intend to keep them there, but also I am more confident in myself and my desire to never go back to where I was. I haven’t actually counted the days in a while but I will soon as I know that two month mark approaches. I hope that everyone is doing well. Much love to this site, I’ll work on posting more because I want to remain vigilant in my focus an my recovery. I don’t want to get lax regarding how easy it would be to slip. Have a great week.
    I will make this work!

    in reply to: Today is my 30th gamble free day #11337
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    This weekend I banned myself from the only other group of casinos in driving distance. What was cool is that these casinos offer you the option of banning permanently. Whereas the other you can only ban for 10 years. It was scary though to check the box that meant forever but I did it. I was proud. I will make this work!

    in reply to: The consequences of my actions #11844
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    Day 17 down. I’m glad, it was a tough one

    in reply to: The consequences of my actions #11843
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    I didn’t get to attend my meeting but that was my choice. The weather was bad so I knew my mom didn’t need to drive 30 min and then keep my kids until way after dark. I decided that all those little moments that I put gambling before my kids were selfish. I won’t gamble again and I won’t put my recovery before them either. Last night they needed me to take them and pic them up from their various practices. Tuesday nights is the only night of the week that their activities keep us busy on a regular basis. So I stayed home and did the mom duties. Next week Lee will be home so I know he can pick them up and take them where they need to go. I hope one day to be far enough alone and strong enough in my recovery to make it possible to have a GA meeting in my area. I’m sure there is a need.
    In the mean time I’m going to keep taking it a day at a time
    I will make this work!

    in reply to: The consequences of my actions #11841
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    Made it through day 14 and 15. Had money in my account both days but didn’t gamble. I’m pretty proud of that. I had a few minor urges but nothing too bad. Hoping my mom will pinch hit for me tomorrow evening with the kids so I can attend my first GA meeting. I’m pretty excited about that possibility. Trying to stay out of depression and things are better on that front than they were last week.
    I will make this work!

    in reply to: The consequences of my actions #11840
    stupidgirl34
    Participant

    Can’t believe that tomorrow will be day 14. Two weeks with no gambling. I can’t say it’s been a fun two weeks but I am proud. Goodnight, time to pit day 13 to bed and get ready for day 14. I will not gamble tomorrow.
    I will make this work!

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 31 total)