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Hey Ray just checking on how you are going.
Hey Steven, just checking up on how you’re tracking? Hope the GA has been effective for you and that you’re on the path to recovery.
Hey S, can totally relate to your story. The ups, the downs, winning big and then blowing it all. Although my vice isn’t the slots, the patterns are undoubtedly the same.
It’s not going to be easy going cold turkey but if you haven’t already done so you should try self-excluding and installing a blocker. I believe Betfilter works on ios. Take it one day at a time, the feelings of anxiety and regret will lessen over time. Good luck.
Hey Dave,
Just wanted to say keep going strong, I’m glad you’re on the up. Sorry for being a bit blunt in my previous post but all I can say is that whilst lists may not work for myself in stopping gambling totally, it may work for you, and are definitely great in general for a bit of self-motivation/discipline.
I guess I was trying to give you a bit of tough love! It’s because it’s so damn hard to stop gambling. One of the greatest hurdles to overcoming it is in fact ourselves and changing our mindset. We can’t make any excuses. We can’t say one avenue is “too much of a hassle” or “will make me feel embarrassed/ashamed/lose my ego”. We need to let go of our egos and even in many cases make sacrifices if we truly want to stop gambling. Yes, the gambler will always find a way to gamble if he/she really tries, but if that person tried as hard to put blocks in place in the first place…then the chances of relapsing are so much smaller.
As a throwaway (perhaps exaggerated) example:
Gambler A may say: Sure I can self-exclude from A, B & C but there’s D, E and F that’s just an hour further drive. I’m embarrassed to self-exclude from so many venues. I don’t want to be someone feels like I cannot even control myself in doing something knowingly stupid and losing large amounts of money.
Gambler B: I’ll drive to D, E and F now and proactively self-exclude because I can foresee myself gambling in those venues as an alternative in the future. I’ll man up and take a hit to my pride/ego and just go through with it. These bookies self-exclude people all the time there’s nothing to be ashamed of it. I’ll return periodically to renew my exclusions if I feel like I’m still in danger. I’ll accept that I cannot control myself, in this aspect. I still have self-respect and self-worth in myself, but I accept that this addiction requires extreme measures and I know regardless of how small a chance I will gamble, any 1 relapse can be absolutely devastating. I will pay my “insurance” now in any manner possible to prevent that big relapse later.
I know it’s a far-fetched example and doesn’t apply for everyone. Everyone’s different, have their own triggers/urges, varying abilities to control themselves in different aspects etc. But we all understand why we do the things we do – regardless of how hard that is to accept. As addicts it is up to us to find out what are triggers/urges are, what our routes and avenues for gambling are, and do everything in our power proactively to prevent any future gambling whatsoever. This may involve sacrificing a bit of ourselves in the present, swallowing our pride a bit, but the ultimate reward will be well worth it.
Now many people don’t need to do this, they can get over it just by themselves using simply measures and self-control/self-discipline. If you can do that, great work, you’re a lot stronger mentally than the majority of the CGs out there. But for many of us, simply convincing ourselves and putting in “normal” or even occasionally token preventative measures is actually not enough. The addiction WANTS us to think that these methods are enough, even though deep down we realize that the risk is still very high. Drastic measures are needed or we will just keep relapsing over and over again, sinking lower and lower every time. Look deep within yourself and honestly assess what level of proactive action is needed, and then take those precautions. It’s taken me many, countless relapses and days of reflection to realise the extent that the addiction has control over me, regardless of how long I’d been clean or how much my mind “felt” more in control. The addiction made countless excuses for me – and almost every single one of those excuses led to a relapse later down the track. Literally every time I thought “Hey X might possibly be a danger in the future…” but then bargained with myself that I’ll be fine or that it was a “negligible risk” –> it bit me in the back later on. I’ve learnt to take extraordinary preventative and proactive measures that would literally make myself from 5 years ago cringe (“what an absolute degen loser, how could I even not be able to control myself from self-destruction”) – but I gotta do it because I don’t wanna live in the shadow of gambling for the rest of my life, because that’s a life of regrets and self-torture.
Now if setting life goals is all that you need and you can stop forever that’s absolutely fantastic. Just don’t forget (especially if you’re struggling or feeling a moment of weakness leading to a strong gambling urge) that complete prevention through proactive, “over the top” measures may be an extremely useful temporary vehicle to get you safely that place where you become a completely normal person again who doesn’t engage in destructive gambling. It’s kind of like people who check into those gambling addiction centres – that period where it is literally physically impossible for them to gamble may be just what they need to make that mental transition into a non-problem gambler. Sometimes the only way to not do something is if we simply cannot do it – the human brain can be incredibly irrational and stubborn at times! The ultimate goal is mental freedom but as I haven’t achieved that yet I cannot comment on it – all I know is that blocks/restrictions on gambling has saved me at least 5 figures, if not 6 figures of further losses in gambling. Not having these big relapses have in turn helped me go a long way towards achieving that ultimate mental freedom.
Hey Dave,
Lists are all good but I’ve made MANY over the last 18 months, usually after a major losing session. I figured out that lists are great for turning your mood around in that moment, feel like you’re using the loss as a lesson to turn your life around…but they are almost useless for ongoing abstinence from gambling. It’s like a new years resolution…after a few weeks all that positive “change my life” energy is down the drain.
What you need to do is take proactive action to PREVENT future relapses. Have you self-excluded from ALL of your gambling avenues? Have you installed gambling blockers if you play online? Have you restricted access to money/time for gambling? Have you confided in a loved one/attended GA or looked into someone else managing your finances? These are the true steps you need to take. Lists are great, but I get the feeling you’d still prefer winning over not playing. You need to actually not want to gamble. It’s a long journey to get there, and you need to take proactive preventative measures now if you truly want to be free from gambling.
Hey Adam,
Great to hear you did not do any further (major) damage over the last couple of days. I totally get the relapse, you are still human (although at times I idolised you admittedly as to how you were able to go cold turkey for so long immediately after a major loss). I also went about 7 months clean before a semi-major relapse (similar to the amount you lost 3 months ago)…triggered by a stressful event of course. Since them I’ve dabbled on and off but “only” lost maybe $200 or so, despite some even stronger triggers trying to tempt me to play big. I’m clean for about 3 weeks now. I think if you can stop now and get back on track, it’s still a very positive sign since you managed to cut your losses before they got completely out of hand (like we did last year). Learn from it, know how to prevent/resist those triggers. We can get through this. You’ve still got a decent amount of savings. Gambling will result in ruin and will take you 10 steps back from your financial objectives.
The wins get you back in. Treat this relapse very seriously! You must stop now before the cycle starts again. SELF-EXCLUDE!!!
Hey Adam,
Vera speaks the reality of what will happen if you don’t stop now!!! You can cut your losses now before it gets out of hand.
Hey man, sorry to hear that. Honestly you are one of the most inspiring posters on here and I know you’ve got the strength inside to overcome this addiction. You were doing so good for so long. What is triggering your relapse currently? Is it boredom? Is it work stress? Is it anxiety of building up a house deposit asap? Identify this and do whatever you can to block/prevent those triggers. Self-exclude if you have not already done so.
Did you manage to get through it?
Don’t “hope”…believe! You CAN quit. Accountability is on yourself. You are the master of your fate…you can choose to live a life without gambling.