Thank you so much for your words, Kin. I truly appreciate it. While sometimes reality is tough, it is necessary for growth. I need to work on letting go of the past because I cannot and will not let that self destructive behavior continue to control my life. I have been quit nearly 3 day and these last three days have been better than any 3 consecutive days of gambling. I say consecutive because there were many days of gambling that were great. The big win! The days were all the bets are spot on and I’m a genius. Only to wake up the next day, thinking I cannot lose and sure enough everything from the day prior is wiped out. What a deflating feeling; and guess who gets that taken out on them? That’s right, my family. People that need me and count on me are only getting the « worst of me » due to my addiction. Those good days are so far and few between.
Wile these past 3 days have been very good, I have kept myself busy and tried to keep my mind on the moment. Soaking in every second and not allowing my brain to wonder off into that dark place. While I agree with most everything you said, Kin, I don’t think my gambling is triggered by money. I think my gambling is trigger by action. There were plenty of times I won 2,000 but couldn’t stop. It wasn’t about the money. It was about the action. It was about the thrill, the highs and the lows. Needless to say, it’s a rollercoaster ride I don’t want to be on any longer.
Today will be another busy day without placing that next wager. That’s my focus. Not the past, not the « what coulda been » but the moment, right not, not reopening that account and making a wager which will in turn change my life and who I really am. NOPE! Not TODAY!
