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Haha it’s just that i live in the north pole kinda, i have only gotten as far as Thailand this time.

He is hurt as i expected and it’s hard to see. The lying and lack of trust is surely the worst part. He even told me that he was thinking about divorce as i just kept on going and lied even though he sort of knew cause i always hid my credit card bills. But he also said it was relieving that i told him and we can go from here to regain a healthy relationship. I tried to explain why and so on, but being messy headed makes it hard. I think some of it made sense at least.

Today i woke up feeling a lot lighter but keep having episodes of anxiety and a feeling of unrealness. It’s gonna take a while before it really sinks in that i absolutely can not gamble anymore now that i have told him – dont get me wrong, i dont want to either. Last day i gambled was friday before we left as some kind of attempt to feel better -AGAIN. This can never happen anymore. So im on my third day now as i messed up bigtime last week.

Neither of us knows how to get through this, will have to figure that out. I told him that he could attend the local ga for relatives but he does not want to do that at this point.

Gonna have to take one day at a time i guess.