[jem0103]

Hi All, 

Im new to this and havent told anyone the extent of my gambling issues, So bear with me if i struggle!

I am a compulsive Gambler! there ive said it, its out in the open now.

I have an issue with online slots – Well 1 game in particular. If the site hasnt got this game i wont deposit there, I wont play any other games unless my balance is high enough and even when i do i dont enjoy them.

My path down into self destruction started around a year and half ago, Before this i have never played slots, even being around friends that had issues with gambling i managed to avoid getting involved and even found it pointless.

Then i had a traumatic event happen in my life and my world changed. I found myself living alone. This lead to loneliness and boredom. I started playing online bingo, Depositing the odd fiver here and there,

playing the free games etc. I wasnt winning anything but i wasnt loosing anything and it was passing my time so i was ok with that. One day i saw an add for some free spins, I signed up and used them,

I didnt win anything but decided i would deposit a tenner and see what happens. This is where my downward spiral began. I didnt win anything on that tenner but a few days later deposited again and had a little win.

I withdrew this and was happy. But then the thoughts came, Oh its easy to double my money at least. lets do it again! I kept depositing small amounts and withdrawing small amounts. Then i got a big win

from a free bingo ticket! i was over the moon i withdrew some and then took the rest to the slots and was able to play at bigger stakes. I then got another big win on a slot. Everything was going good, I 

had extra money in my bank, I was less lonely and bored at home. I thought this was great!

Then i found a game that is now my nemisis! I love it and hate it at the same time (not sure if im allowed to name the game). Finding this game is when my gambling went out of control. I saw the big wins it could produce and started uping my stake. 

I felt like every time i played it i would get the bonus and win! but the problem was i would keep chasing another bonus and then another bonus, Even when i was £500 up i would still chase the bonus again! 

I would loose all the money i had won then deposit more Chasing a bonus! It didnt even matter if the bonus was rubbish! the buzz is from them 3 symbols landing on the screen!

I would occasionally make a withdrawal but it would all go back on within a week. 

I decided enough was enough – I installed Gamban on my phone, But it would still let me on the sites! Contacted support and my phone wasnt compatible at the time! So the gambling continued, I still wasnt 

in a financial mess, I could still afford to pay my bills, Socialse and buy the odd treat for myself. 

I decided to Join Gamstop. This worked to a degree but i still found ways around it. But i was gambling less, Going months without trying. 

In February this year my Gamstop was up, This meant i could now get back onto my favourite site! I also found a new site and I had a massive Hit and won over £7000! I was over the moon I had planned to get 

a new car and put some back into my savings Etc…… But the verification took forever! and slowy but surely i played through the whole balance bar £200! I was ashamed of myself for doing this!.

I had a few days off and then decided to deposit a tenner. I Withdrew £800 from that. 

But then i started to think i could just deposit £10 or £20 and win every time! By depositing smaller amounts i ended up spending more than ever before, Trying to low roll, Get a bonus and then raise the stake.

Here I am now, on the 4th of the Month with no wages left already! i have spent my rent money and i am in a mess. 

Enough is enough and i cant go on living like this! i hope this forum helps me beat my demons and get my life back!

P.s Sorry if this is a ramble and doesnt make much sense, I have so much in my head to get out!

[Steev]

It is hard to think clearly when we are caught up in addiction – but what you have written is the sort of thing I would have said 30 years ago (although my betting wasn’t on-line.)

I think we have all tried « controlled betting » – what if I only bet to a certain amount, only on one game / machine, only until I win, only if the day has a « S » in it. As you know none of that works and eventually we plunge back into the betting, losing, chasing, more losing pattern that we know so well.

How do we get free? You’ve attempted one thing – which is losing access to gambling – renew your efforts with gambling blocks – GAMSTOP and Gamban. You could try applying for a new credit card (cut up the old one) and scrubbing out the 3 digit code on the back before you remember it – so that it can’t be used on-line.

I think the main thing you need to confront is sharing with someone. I noticed that your gambling started after a « traumatic event. » Gambling is a great way to blot out pain; my guess is that once you stop gambling all the emotions will come up again and I think you need support to deal with them. If you are in the UK, Gamcare https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/our-treatment-offer/ provide counselling on a one-to-one or group basis – or you could try talking to your GP. You may also consider opening up to a family member or trusted friend who could listen without judgement. There are also self-help groups like GA – who again will listen to what you have to say and probably give some locally based advice. https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/

Others on here may have different advice – take on board what works for you – but do get good support for yourself.

[jem0103]

Hi Steev,

Not sure if im doing this right But hopefully it will get to you!

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me. There are some good steps for me to work on re Gamstop and Gamban. I am hesitating to do it though because i guess somewhere in the back of my mind i still think i can get lucky and win it all back – Which i know is impossible but still somewhere in my brain it thinks it is! I know i just need bite the bullet and do it again! I have timed out from everywhere i play online, But i guess it makes no difference cause i have no money left to play anyway! 

Re The traumatic event – I found my partner dead – This tipped my world upside down. We kind of relied on each other, So without him i dont really have anyone i can talk to.

I CANNOT tell my mum, I have caused her so much money troubles and stress in the past which she is still paying off i cant have her worrying about anything else and cleaning up my mess again. 

I have spoken to my GP and Physchiatrist, Neither of whom were much help. 

I tried to get berevement councilling and found that nearly impossible with wait times of up to 6 months if atall, This kind of put me off going through that route again, But i will look into it and see if gambling counciling is any quicker. 

Im going to spend the afternoon checking out the links you put on your message, Gamgare and gamblers annoymous. 

I have also downloaded this app so maybe when i get the urge i can click on the app instead of the casino!

Thanks Again

Jem

[Meghna83]

i also found I was addic to one game and kept upping the stakes. Please if you can block all sites. Your story of small harmless bets to huge stakes is like mine. This gambling is futile and you will never win. Each win is a loss. It’s really an illusion of winning.

if you can find ways to stop now, you will save a lot of money and heartache in the long ruN. Please read my journal and you will find a similar story . Wishing you the best of luck and please keep posting 

[jem0103]

Hi Meghna83,

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I read through your journal before i took the step to join this site. I guess reading other peoples issues, then their ways of dealing with it is helpful in a way.

This one game is killing me, if this game was to dissapear today i know i would no longer have a problem. But its not going to dissapear so i have to beat it!

[Steev]

One of the big problems with this addiction is that one route the gambler sees out of the harm that gambling has caused is to continue gambling until we get the « big win. » This is an illusion – partly because you might never get there and partly because if you did have the big win – the temptation would be to keep going. You have said you do « love it and hate it at the same time » so it would be difficult to stop – until you have to.

I was really sorry to hear about your loss – and I can understand that it is difficult to access counselling to talk about things like this. Please be persistent – it may be worth paying for private counselling (it will be cheaper than gambling in the long-term) but ensure that you feel comfortable with the counsellor. Most will have a free introduction session so you can see. You could also try Mind and Cruse in your area to see if they can offer support.
There are the support groups here if you would like an on-line talk with people also experiencing gambling problems. It’s not counselling but a chance to let some of your feelings out perhaps? I wish you well.

[Had a bad day]

I can relate to your story. I always had one favourite slot game too and only near the end I started playing one other which I got hooked on too. Sounds like you had a lot to deal with and the trauma of losing your partner must have been tough. Please keep posting here. It really does help to read other people’s stories when you have an urge to gamble xx

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[jem0103]

Hi Steev,

Thanks for replying. I dont really chase losses, I know the money is gone and i wont get it back. Its the bonus im chasing, Doesnt matter if it pays loads or pays nothing. I dont feel any different!

It was Cruse that i had the problem with before and they were litteraly ZERO Help!. I have contacted Mind in the past for different issues and found the same to be honest. 

The live chat sounds good i will take a look at that.

Im on Day 2 now cold Turkey but i have money going in my bank tomorrow so will see if i manage to get to the cashpoint first thing and take it out before i get the urge!

Thanks 

Jem

[Auteur]

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