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Hi Timetogo
You did really well writing your first post which can’t have been easy and I am glad you have brain-dumped, hopefully you felt better for doing it.
I often ask people if they love the person in their life who has a gambling addiction because very often people have forgotten to think about whether they do or not, they are just going from day to day, going round in ever decreasing circles and getting nowhere. Usually the answer is yes and from that moment rebuilding the relationship as well as getting the right support is important to both the CG and the F&F recoveries. You are saying, however, that you no longer love your husband and for that reason I am unable to talk about rebuilding your relationship,
I know all about the moods, the ups and down, the misery that accompanies the addiction to gamble, I also know it is sometimes difficult to tell who the CG really is and whether love has died completely never to return regardless of a true recovery.
In the periods between his relapses did you experience any happy times, did you ever feel hope?
I know how hard, sometimes impossible, it is to share what living with a CG is like, so I hope you will keep posting here where you are understood and hopefully you will find the right way forward for you.
Finding inner strength isn’t something one can do overnight but it is do-able and I think that sharing makes it easier.
I know all about being manipulated to make space for an addiction to feed and what it is like to be blamed for everything that has gone wrong but I am wondering what has made you write now when your husband is apparently trying again to control his addiction. Is he still blaming you?
I am not judging Timetogo, I couldn’t. I became estranged from the CG in my life and the actual estrangement was worse than anything that had gone before.
I do know from experience that the addiction to gamble can be controlled; I also know that some relationships cannot survive and some should not survive.
Please keep posting, what ‘you’ want is important.