[micky]

Project 60

[jen3]

Hey Mickey! What’s project 60?? What ever happen to Sad? I can not find any of her threads.

[micky]

Hi folks i have decided to start a new thread and called it Project 60 as my short, medium and long term targets will all have contributed to me reaching a milestone of being 60 years old and in a position to retire without having a mortgage and able to enjoy the rest of my retired life. 🙂

[micky]

Today thanks to O.D.A.A.T. i am happy and it’s a good feeling.

Three things to be grateful for.

1. My health. 2. My well being. 3. My choices.

[micky]

Today thanks to O.D.A.A.T. I’m having a nice day , accepting the things i can’t change and appreciating the things i can . 🙂

Three things to be grateful for.

1.My Choices. 2. My Life. 3. Calmness.

[micky]

Today thanks to O.D.A.A.T iv’e had a lovely day travelled down to my sisters and had lunch with her , my brother ( who is at hers for a few days), and my nephews wife. On the drive home i had thoughts of gambling but drove home and was well pleased with myself 🙂

[charles]

I like the project Micky. ODAAT can achieve great things.

[lizbeth4]

I like the project too!

[maverick.]

Micky its always good to see you around my friend, glad you managed to have a nice day and stay away from the evil addiction, you know as well as me this addiction will take everything if we let it, keep up the great work in recovery and as always I wish you all the very best in the world.

Hope this finds you well and have a great gamble free day tomorrow, its amazing what we see in life when we dont let gambling blur our vission!!!

Take care Micky and speak soon my friend.

Maverick

[micky]

Today thanks to O.D.A.A.T. i have been decorating my spare room also done some shopping earlier

Three things to be grateful for.
1.Patience. 2. Friends. 3. Choices.

[micky]

Today thanks to O.D.A.A.T. i have just finished decorating my spare room, basic brilliant white on ceiling, door and skirting boards and magnolia vinyl silk on the walls. Went to shop for my paper and paid my t.v. licence ( i pay monthly).

Three things i am grateful for.

1. O.D.A.A.T. 2. Family. 3. Peace.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Micky, Thanks for taking us along in your journey. I am going to take it O.D.A.A.T. also. I think that things work a lot better when we live in the now instead of the future. Have a great gamble free weekend.

[micky]

Yesterday thanks to O.D.A.A.T. i had a nice day, tidied the shed out, and put some things in the loft ( didn’t realise how much space there is up there – another job i want to do i.e. boarding it out ) Spare room is looking good almost got the room de-cluttered 🙂 Three things i was grateful for yesterday ,
1. Freedom. 2. Nice weather. 3. Relaxing.

[maverick.]

Great job Micky, really glad to see you doing well, on the right track and enjoying life as you rightly should.

Always stay strong my friend and no mater what always keep posting, thanks for all your help and support it means a great deal to me and will never go unnoticed.

Three things I am grateful for today……..

1. Gambling Therapy
2. Micky
3. Determination

Maverick

[micky]

Today a quiet day , just a normal calm day before work tomorrow, some shopping in town O.D.A.A.T. is so relevant 🙂

Three things to be grateful for today:
1. Music. 2. Memories. 3. Moonlight .

[vera]

I can almost smell that lovely fresh paint Micky.
You are making great headway.
Gambling is such a waste of precious time.
It’s sinful really to abuse and reject all the gifts we’ve been given.
Stay focussed Micky
You’re on to a good thing .

[micky]

Thanks Vera i couldn’t have put it better myself, O.D.A.A.T. works for me , by the time i do my daily to do list and general daily stuff the time has gone by nicely. Today iv’e done my 12 hour shift bit of a long one i know but 4 on 6 off makes them worthwhile . Today three things i’m grateful for :

1. Nice food. 2. Coca Cola. 3, My two cats 🙂

[micky]

Reality is not about dishonesty it’s about working hard and honestly to achieve your dreams 🙂

[micky]

Constant reminders are all around us of gambling whether it be an advert or a betting shop , one thing i have learned is this IT’S AN INDUSTRY THAT IS OUT TO MAKE MONEY . It is like any other industry it is out to make as much money as it can as a compulsive gambler i get that now 🙂

[micky]

Good Days : Are always good i know when were not gambling but isn’t it great looking back on a normal day and saying to yourself i enjoyed today 🙂 Three things to be grateful for today .
1. Choices 2. Plans. 3. O.D.A.A.T. 🙂

[micky]

I like the new me and all the things i am starting to achieve without gambling , it maybe raining but inside it’s sunny 🙂 Three things i’m grateful for today are ;
1.Patience . 2. Keeping Fit. 3. Calmness. 🙂

[micky]

Life’s good and getting better for me now i’m on the right path. When i’m tempted and i do get tempted to gamble i now think of hook a duck , you know the duck game at fair’s . Only the ducks have clear signs on them like ” Gamble and you lose” , ” Gamble and you will hurt yourself” , “Gamble and you lose all your hard earned money” then theres nice ducks ” Treat yourself to a nice meal” , ” Go buy a CD you like” ” Call a friend for a catch up” and the more ducks i see going round the more nice positive ducks there are all i have to do is hook them 🙂

[micky]

Another good day thanks to O.D.A.A.T. , so much to look forward to these days 🙂 Three things i am grateful for.

1. Today . 2. looking forward to tomorrow. 3.Looking forward to the rest of my life.

[vera]

Keeping an eye on your thread Micky
Busy with my daughter. Some ups and downs. Just keeping the show on the road until Monday.
Overall, she had a great holiday.
Maybe meet you in a group next week?

[micky]

Again my day is going really well thanks to O.D.A.A.T.
Three things to be grateful for.
1. Exercise i started again thanks to the 22 day challenge. In Support of all ex-servicemen who commit suicide.
2. My faith in myself.
3. My choices.

[vera]

‘See you in this evening’s Group, Micky, if there is one. Not sure though, due to it being a bank holiday.
Either way, I will stay in touch.
Great to hear about the 22 Day Challenge. Well done!

[micky]

Thanks O.D.A.A.T. i’ve never felt better . Three things to be grateful for today are:
1. Peace.
2.Calm.
3. Tranquility.

[micky]

What it says on the tin 🙂

[micky]

It’s never too late so get up and dust yourself down and go again i did 🙂

[micky]

Coping very well ODAAT.

[micky]

Let it go (all the crap) because once you do there is a whole new world to explore 🙂

[micky]

Good morning G.T. lets all have a gamble free day and be happy and safe 🙂

[vera]

Time is flying Micky
Almost half way through August
Being gamble free gives us time to think — time runs out, so why waste one second
Gambling is a total waste of Life
Let’s not be wasters
Just for today

[micky]

Gamble free equals time to think positively and have a nice normal life 🙂

[micky]

Choices have to be made everyday whether it’s to make a cup of tea or not ? . But the most important for us compulsive gamblers is whether to gamble or not. I had urges and plans forming in my mind today but chose not to go with the thoughts of gambling 🙂 . life is good. 🙂

[vera]

Just touching base Micky to see if you stuck to that right choice over the weekend??

[micky]

O.D.A.A.T = a small step leading to big achievements .

[micky]

Targets big or small are needed in our lives something to aim for 🙂

[micky]

All days and dates are important in our lives and how we get through them, looking after our own well being is probably the main thing once everything is in place it’s up to the individual .

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky, you are so right in what you say about targets . Even meeting small targets like a ten minute walk , or eating our five a day give us a sense of achievement .
I hope life is going great for you

[Pea]

I love reading your posts.. they always make me think and sometimes give me some good ideas i would not have thought of or maybe make me look at something in a different way, well done on your journey.

Pea

[micky]

“Nobody plans to fail, they fail to plan”. The moral of this story folks is plan our days and i mean plan every minute if we have to 🙂

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky, how are things? Been a while since u posted so I hope all is going well for u !

[micky]

For any newcomers to the G.T. site you can turn your life around it may not be easy but “Rome wasn’t built in a day” . Put the effort in and you will do it, it has taken me many years to get my life back on track. Staying focused everyday is very important , recognising the negative thoughts , signs and triggers early so you can re-act in a positive way to them is something i have trained my brain to do. learning to say no is very important in my life now it’s only a two letter word but a very powerful one. For me it all has to be done one day at a time .

[Steven187]

I’ve enjoyed reading your posts this evening. I like your positivity and o.d.a.a.t attitude.

I like the idea of setting targets etc too.
Keep posting.
All the best
Steve

[micky]

1. Being clear headed.
2. Being focused.
3. Being able to share my thoughts on GT.

[micky]

3 Things to be grateful for today ;

1, Security 2. Freedom 3, Peace.

[micky]

Happy normal days are just so precious getting up having a coffee, planning a nice normal day and looking back at the end of it and thinking life isn’t so bad after all. I can do this now i no longer gamble and drink alcohol uncontrollably , life is good .

[i-did-it]

HI Micky,what a great post!
You are so right.
In fact Ithink in recovery there is no such thing as a normal day anymore . Every day is a wonderful gift for which we are so grateful. We probably appreciate little things in life more than most.
We are blessed.

[micky]

“It’s about getting off the path , that’s where the freedom lies”.

“Do not follow where the path may lead”.

“Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”.

[micky]

“Hope is a great source of strengh”

[maverick.]

Micky its really great to see you doing well you truly are and inspiration to me and very many I am sure, keep doing what works for you and I wish you many more happy and gamble free days.

Take care and all the very best.

Maverick

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky
How are things ? Kinda miss reading your updates !

[kpat]

Micky!!!!

[vera]

Everything ok Micky?
‘Hope you’re keeping well and looking forward to Christmas.

[vera]

So sorry to hear of your misfortunes, Micky.
One thing I have learned is that investing emotion in our children is somewhat akin to gambling.
They often let us down with a bang.
“What never made you laugh will never make you cry”!
Gambling is not the solution as you know too well.
Try to take things one day at a time. Take care .

[icandothis]

Hi Micky, I have been reading through your thread this morning. Just wanted to send my greetings and support. I, too, am on Project 60. I don’t love that number! lol But, it has given me an it’s-now-or-never, what-are-you waiting for perspective. I keep asking myself, if you aren’t going to make some changes now, then what are you waiting for! You can only postpone things for so long! I have enjoyed reading your posts. Keep posting and try to stay positive and stick with your recovery, no matter what is going on with those around you.

[micky]

1. my children.
2. my grand-children.
3.o.d.a.a.t.

[micky]

1. Life

2. Health.

3. Peace.

[i-did-it]

Great to see u back Micky !

[micky]

1. True Friends.
2. Choices.
3. Alcohol.
4. Food.

[i-did-it]

I can certainly identify with this four Micky ! Being free helps us have all of the above

[micky]

Happy Christmas to all of you on G.T. and may you all sleep well tonight on our lords birthday .

[vera]

….to you too, Micky. I hope you are managing to get around with the moon boot and that you enjoyed your Christmas dinner.

[i-did-it]

Aw MIcky, hope you had a great CHristmas too.

[micky]

1. Not gambling. ( Life’s easier without it)

2.Being clean. (It feels good to put clean clothes on)

3.Enjoying life. ( Even small things like a cup of tea and watching the news)

4.Respecting money. ( Even small amounts go a long way – try poundland )

5.Accepting. ( Even if we do gamble we lose in the end)

[micky]

Not sure where rock bottom is, iv’e been there so many times my head hurts thinking about it , prison, kids who ignore me , wanting to die, several suicide attempts , i think rock bottom is death for me, and the peace that will bring me because i have no peace in my life …………….

[vera]

what’s happening Micky????

[i-did-it]

Ah MIcky – u are feeling a bit low – no I don’t think death will bring u peace – how cud u have peace looking at ur little lad breaking his heart .
This is u Micky – brush yourself down . Make a plan . And work your way up .
I think xmas is the hardest time of year – keep strong .

[maverick.]

Micky, we find our selves here sharing about the bad stuff we do and the trouble we have created………….ok so yes we have messed a lot of things up but you know what……..we have an addiction, a very bad, compulsive, evil addiction that will take everything from us and after it has taken everything it will finally take our lives, it wont stop, it has no line it shouldn’t cross………

Me and you have know each other for a while my friend and in truth I believe we both know how each other “tick” so to speak, I know for a fact you are a good man as I can tell in previous coversations we have had, the lives we lead our very similar but also so very different, I believe you understand what is going on in my mind and in turn I understand the thoughts going through yours (trust me there is not many who could understand mine and in truth no one would want too).

The long and short of this Micky is I really cant be bothered with life at the moment and I see you are probably very much the same, I am such a **** at times and I struggle to understand why my friend but you know what…….everything happens for a reason…..

Our paths have crossed in life and there is a reason for that, I don’t know why but I believe deep in my heart it is so we can help each other, anyway I have said enough and I know at times I really cant be bothered with what anyone says!

Keep sharing Micky no matter what, I for one miss not sharing with you and in truth the more I stay away from this site the more I fall back into my addiction, I hope one day we can meet up and share and enjoy a day where gambling does not control and consume us.

Look after yourself Micky whatever is going on in your life, I know we can both work this out and I also know we can both live happy content lives, in the short term please share your pain with me and I will with you, I understand your pain and feel it I promise you I do………I have always said no one in this world understands me but just for today I will admit I am wrong and honestly believe you do!

Micky keep sharing, lets get shot of this very bad year and lets work hard together in making 2017 the very best we can.

Take care and as always my friend wish you all the very best in the world.

Maverick

[icandothis]

Hey Micky, I have no idea what is going on, but I am sending my thoughts and prayers to you. Hang on. Don’t give up the fight, and don’t give up on yourself, no matter what! Tomorrow is another day and another year. Always a chance to start over, no matter what! Just breathe!

[micky]

Living life one day at a time is a great way of getting where we want to be so stick with it in our recovery because it works folks. 🙂

[vera]

Great to hear you are doing well, Micky. Thanks for posting to my thread. Belated Happy New Year. I meant to get in touch sooner. Time flies!

[micky]

Not gambling and staying not gambling requires massive lifestyle changes. But all the effort i put into it is so worthwhile , getting up in the morning clear headed and ready for the day ahead is so much enjoyable now, and being in control of my life is just so much easier, life is good to say the least.

[micky]

Today 02/02/2003 is the anniversary of my dad passing away so a bit of a mixed emotional day for me , good memories to think about though . Strange to think my dad never gambled nor do my siblings or anyone else i can think of in my family. Although it’s an addiction it can be beaten with hard work both physically and mentally, i’m finding working out more often really helps and mentally there is just so many different things we can do to overcome this addiction and stay in recovery .

[icandothis]

Thinking of you today as you honor your father’s memory. I am glad you are working on your recovery in a positive way. Keep up the good work. I have been in a recovery slump. Your post reminds me that there is a lot we can do besides not gambling to stay in recovery. Thanks.

[vera]

It’s good to mark your dad’s anniversary , Micky. RIP. Said a little prayer for you and him. Life is short! Eternity lasts forever.

[micky]

Getting the urge to gamble today through boredom i “surfed the wave ” until the thought settled down and gradually went away 5-10 minutes of brain training thoughts of just exactly where it would lead if i gambled .

[micky]

Being mentally strong is a must when we resist the temptation to gamble telling our brain no when it’s telling us yes is very difficult , if your right handed and tell your brain to pick up a cup say with your left hand, eventually your brain will get used to it .

[maverick.]

Great to read your posts Micky, stay strong, keep fighting and as always one day at a time my friend, wish you well and speak soon.

Maverick

[Paul2017]

I read these messages and being very new to this site I really hope that I have the strength and ability to change my life around = its good to know some people can do it and it gives me strength that I can if I want to and I DO.
thanks

[micky]

Stress, anxiety and worry are all things we humans suffer from at certain points in our lives and our gambling addiction only makes them worse to the point our lives become unbearable. Working as hard as you can to overcome this addiction is a priority we must all do to get our normal lives back .

[lizbeth4]

Hi Micky, Remembering good memories on your Dad’s anniversary is awesome. I will be doing that next month. Honoring my Husband. I pray that everyone here can fight this addiction and overcome this disease. I think that we are all good people and deserve a happy life. Take care of yourself!

[micky]

Try to imagination if someone you know came to you for advice on a gambling problem ( you didn’t know they had one) then imagine all the advice you would give them . Just a bit of reverse psychology.

[vera]

I use that method too, Micky.
I have a long text stored on my little phone that I read occasionally telling myself the consequences of gambling.

[micky]

Not sure if most gamblers realise this but whatever you have put your money on your backing against all the others i.e. if theres 10 runners in a race your backing against the other 9 not beating yours .

[micky]

Best day so far in my recovery , just an ordinary day nothing special just good .

[i-did-it]

MIcky- ordinary is great- no painful hangover ! It’s nice you shared that ordinary days are great days

[micky]

Thought control is a must for us compulsive gamblers it isn’t just a case of yes or no to temptation or urge it’s about thinking about the thought. For me i surf the thought for about 5-10 minutes and the negatives are so overwhelming it soon disappears .

[micky]

Really bad day today , urges to gamble were massive my head is still spinning having to dig deeper than deep to resist but i have .

[Paul2017]

I have got inspiration from reading your messages and as a newbee I take on board your advice , so if it helps – I believe in what you said – “thought control” – and you did

well done

[vera]

Did the urges pass, Mickey?
The Serenity Prayer works for some.
I find having no outlet to gamble ( i.e.no money or venue) keeps me safe (until the next time)
Urges come and go
The consequence of gambling lingers.

[micky]

Three things are making me want to go on with life at the moment , three things that are keeping me sober .

[micky]

Those three things are still keeping me sane , not rocket science just three things that are important to me.

[charles]

Maybe tell us about those three things Micky, good to hear you are keeping your sanity. Remember to keep using support to maintain your recovery.

[micky]

My three things that i say to myself that keep me motivated when i’m feeling apprehensive, worried, scared, etc are 1. my sons name, 2. my grand daughters name and 3. the title of something i do at work which carries responsibility . Three words i can think of and say in my mind in 3 seconds and i’m focused again.

[micky]

Lifes going really well , my advice to my fellow C.G’S is use all support mechanisms you can keep using them never relax and think you have beat this or your cured thats when it bites you. Take life everyday as a new day and enjoy the moment .

[micky]

Starting again, won’t be easy no-one likes to admit defeat in this addiction battle. Being realistic it will take me at least 6 months to clear the debt ive accumalated but i have no-one to blame but myself. So it’s back to one day at a time 6 x 30 = 180 days or there abouts it could be worse alot worse . Thinking of ending it all at the weekend of course was not an option, life is and always will be.

[vera]

Yes, Micky, it is hard to admit defeat but coming here and being honest is a great sign. If means you are not defeated. You have defeated the addiction by walking away and cutting your losses.
The money is gone. Don’t chase it.

[maverick.]

Micky well done on getting back here and sharing, I know you want to stop this madness as do I, we just have to keep trying and I know deep down in the end we will succeed, keep posting and keep working on it my friend, as someone once righlty said “we are all a work in progress”

Take care and hope you have a good day.

Maverick

[micky]

last night in group and the 2 messages i have got on my thread since mean so much to me just when i felt down and out someone cared , you know who you are thank you.

[vera]

It does mean a lot Micky, to feel someone knows what we suffer after a gambling “outburst”.
Although it is almost 16 months since my last gambling episode, I can still recall the sickness that I felt on the hundreds of occasions where I self destructed so badly that I wouldn’t even bother writing about it here on GT.
Putting it in words helps to put it outside ourselves. Bottling it up is very dangerous.
The stress of gambling nearly killed me but having to act as if everything was fine made everything worse.
The after effects often drove me back, especially when support was lacking.

[micky]

Knowing what works for yourself in recovery is so important but keeping it going is more important still. keeping your mind focused on the road ahead may it be long or short .

[micky]

Wether it’s one day, one week, one month or one year i think it’s important that we celebrate our achievements and reward ourselves . Rewards can be small a £1 put in a money box , a magazine, a CD whatever makes us happy. After all it is a daily struggle to get through each day in recovery from our addiction. I now have £7 in my recovery money box .

[micky]

And on the 8th day £7 turned into £8, just a thought because in recovery you can ***** the days and the beauty of it is each day has a different number because each day is different anyway.

[micky]

***** was the word ***** not sure why it’s been classed as a rude word ?

[micky]

counting( take off ing )and they have classed the word as rude ???

[vera]

Cou n t your blessings along with those pounds, Micky!

[micky]

9th round and still here smelling the coffee lifes good. (£9 in my kitty)

[micky]

No two days are the same and thats so good in recovery everything is in colour again,

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky,
So glad to read your world in is colour -no two days are the same and we can choose any time of any day to make a fresh start . Well done on getting back into recovery so quickly( if I have read correctly ). I hope those pounds build up really fast for you.

[micky]

When i done the NPGC course treatment via london i learned that it’s not our brains fault that it tells us to gamble, when we are in certain situations our brain tells us to do something to make us feel better i.e. “gamble” ( before we lose of course). If you are right handed our brain tells us to pick up a cup with our right hand, if we tell our brain to pick up the cup with our left hand over time eventually we no longer have to tell it , it will do it automatically. So when our brain tells us to gamble although it isn’t easy if we stop , think and keep thinking no and tell our brain no eventually the thought will subside. And another day another £1 in my kitty which makes £11.

[i-did-it]

Wow Micky, that is really brilliant – I read somewhere it takes thirty days to make or break a habit – I guess that’s similar to your left hand theory – if u have any more little nuggets of knowledge like this please share -they really help .

[micky]

Day 12 and life is continuing to be good and normal again. Lots of good tools i’m using, day planner, daily spends, alcohol, gambling diary, monthly budget planner and regular exercise. £12 in my kitty .

[micky]

new day and new number 13 , getting that i need more time in the day feeling now thats how good life is .

[micky]

New day 14, 2 weeks a fortnight and everyday gets better and better. In town today and got the urge to gamble it lasted about 10 seconds as i quickly thought it through inside my head why i was in town and what for. I did have £10 in my wallet and when i think about it you can buy alot for £10 .

[charles]

Hi Micky,

Where are you keeping your kitty?

Your gamble free time will add up and if/when any urges return you don’t want a big jar full of £ coins easily accessible.

[micky]

At the moment my kittys right beside me in a tin but i do take on board your point charles if it reaches a significant amount before i treat myself i will bank it.

[charles]

Well done Micky.

[micky]

Thanks Charles much appreciated. Day 15 another milestone , everyday is a new number and therefore a new milestone .

[micky]

Day 16 lots of thoughts today on my recovery so far and where i want to be tomorrow, next week, next year and in the next 5 years , life is good, i choose life . ( and £16 in my kitty )

[lizbeth4]

Good job Micky One day at a time! It is rewarding to see your money growing. Keep on doing what you are doing. Take care.

[micky]

Thanks Lizbeth i totally agree one day at a time and the rewards just happen . Day 17 and £17 now in my kitty , getting up today with a clear head and no anxiety etc brought on by gambling is just so mind altering , i am embracing the days now .

[i-did-it]

Micky – do tell – what are u going to buy with the kitty? – I don’t have ur will power – a lovely suny day like today and I would be straight out for a yummy pub lunch !
It is building up really fast . U are doing Great and it is so good to read about it .

[vera]

The “kitty”is only a symbol of your new mindset, Micky.
No money will buy peace of mind.
We already have that peace deep down if we declutter all the baggage we insist on carrying through our lives .
My “Kitty” is being restored in the form of a Monthly Savings Plan. I can only see it online but I do relate to how you look at a jar of pounds.
‘Hope you are staying off the liquor . ‘Helps to keep a clear head, too.

[micky]

Day 18 and another new number , Vera i reward myself each day with a £1 not a great amount but i can spend it on something i like big or small depending on how long i let it build up i’m not trying to buy myself peace of mind iv’e already started to address other issues in my life by being stronger and concentrating on things i can change (including being sober) . I-did-it not sure what i’m going to spend it on but i will let you know when i do . Day £18.

[micky]

Day 19 and an early post from me because i have had quite a strong urge to gamble today , could be because i finished night shift this morning a bit wound up. Also think i might be thinking you have finished your shifts and now have 6 off , reward time via a bet. Iv’e really had to sit and think this through today . Day £19.

[Darren72]

Hi Micky,

Urges and cravings do come … but like giving up the nicotine, they subsequently subside, it’s just keeping focused and on track during those periods. Stay strong!!

[micky]

Wise words focused and on track , we all have our own methods to keep both of these going.

[vera]

Micky, when I used to finish a week of nights, I would feel like a rabbit released from a snare. Unfortunately, the lights often blinded me and I ran straight into the trap that said “Freedom”.
In no time I became a gambling slave.
Set yourself a project for your days off, Micky.
Stay strong odaat!

[micky]

20 days and £20 = i must be doing something right , hope everyone else is finding their focus and doing well.

[micky]

Day 21 ( 3 weeks ) and the days are mounting up nicely .

[micky]

Another beautiful day , time for a cup of tea in the garden . Life may not be ideal but i can’t change or undo the past only the present and future is in my hands.

[vera]

Life is not ideal Micky but add gambling to the mix and its hell on earth.
Your own little spot in the garden with a cuppa can be heaven.

[micky]

One of my issues is estrangement from 2 of my children , estrangement they call it , i call it not talking to me. If only they would realise how much it hurts me mentally. Standalone.org.uk supports people like me , checking out the website i found i was not alone in fact many thousands are in the same position as me. Before anyone says have you tried this or that , iv’e tried everything . I just thought i would post about this in case anyone is in a similar position to me.

[Anonimno]

Don’t think I’ve commented on your thread before, and don’t really know the ins and outs of your story/journey. But would like to say something with the best of intentions about your current situation with regards to the “estrangement” with your kids.

You say in your post, “if only they realise how much they hurt me mentally”. If it’s your kids your talking about, you didn’t realise how much you hurt them for chunks of your life when gambling, and doing what put you in jail.

I’ve been in your position too mate, things between my daughter and me have been a lot different since I went to prison when she was 13, my case was in the papers mate and local news it had a devastating effect on her. I am no longer estranged but things are far from normal between us. She’s 26 this year.

If it’s the “authorities” that you refer to they will have been told all about your gambling and past.

Sadly I think it’s one of those things that we have to accept in order to progress through life.

One thing is certain if you return to gambling, or prison, the likelihood is that the estrangement will last a lot lot longer. By getting on with recovery they will eventually see you are trying, you will be able to show them how you are managing to live gamble free and crime free.

As I said I don’t know too much about you other than you’ve been posting on GT for a while now. I do read this thread so know you work nights and each day you’re putting a pound in your kitty. Hopefully there’s £23 in it now, why don’t you buy a “thinking of you card” with it for each the two kids or maybe one card between them and send the £20 for a treat?

I’ve never wanted to butt in on your thread mate because it’s obvious you are trying really hard and want to turn your life around, you are heading in the right direction too and I don’t want to come on and be all critical.

However saying as I’m here I might aswell tell you I think your keeping the kitty in your house where you can get to it is not really a good idea, well not in my opinion anyway. Three months down the line you’ll have near enough a hundred quid in it mate, that three months worths could be gone in the wink of an eye if you had a bad day and just thought “f** it” as we sometimes do, as you know. Would it not make more sense to keep the kitty somewhere secure at work?

Mate I do admire what you’re doing and sympathise with you regards to the estrangement, and completely empathise with you regards your recovery. But recovery is all about living one day at a time in order to create a positive gamble free future, as CGs after we’ve cocked up again I think we all ask ourselves why did we do it again, if only I’d done this or done that. I’m not saying you will gamble again mate, but one thing we can all do to help prevent it is not to have spare cash lying about.

I don’t keep track of the number of days myself but if I did I wouldn’t like to commemorate each day by adding money to a tin and keep it next to my computer. CGs don’t handle cash well I would certainly think about keeping it at work or someone else’s house where you can’t get easy access to it.

Take care Micky, all the best.

Geordie.

[micky]

My previous post – I mentioned mental health because mental health issues like depression can lead to addiction ( escapism) many many compulsive gamblers have mental health issues and use gambling as a means to escape them. And whilst there is still a stigma attached to mental/health/depression the problem is not going to go away. At the mention of mental/health/ depression/ gambling your treated like a freak who must be insane to throw away your money on a losers addiction.

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky,
I’m sorry – I’m not sure I completely agree with Geordie – looking back my parents weren’t perfect but as an adult I have to decide whether to remember the negative things or how much my parents tried . A close friend of mine has become
Estranged from her son and his family because when she was baby sitting for the thousandth time , she told one of the children off. This woman worked hard all her life , remortgaged her own home to get her children on the property ladder and was generally a good mum. Did she make mistake ? I am sure she did – but her biggest mistake was to raise a self centred idiot!

I can’t give you any advice as to what you should do . I can imagine how painful it must be – I have written recently on my own thread about how our children are so closely link d to our own happiness.
I guess you can just keep praying for a resolution. You weren’t a perfect parent – so that makes you the same as every other parent in the world – I guess you were unlucky if you weren’t around to stop any brain washing !

Keep working at your recovery Micky- life has a way of surprising us when we expect it least – and what better use for your kitty than to save it for the reunion. Think how nice it would be to meet fora meal and say “I’ll get this “!

[Anonimno]

Thanks for your posts Micky.

I too am a Christian and you are quite correct, and also believe in forgiveness. I also believe in treating others with respect and dignity, in the same way that I would like to be treat,
“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those that trespass against us”.

But we should all bear/bare in mind, an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth.

I don’t suggest for one minute that you have deliberately or intentialy neglected your kids.

Addiction makes us blind as to how others are feeling. All you have to do is look in the F+F forum to see how the kids of CGs feel.

Do you really know how your kids felt when you were gambling?

I’m sure you didn’t deliberately get yourself locked up Micky, I don’t even know if it was gambling related. However whatever the reason, I’m pretty sure your loved ones would have felt neglected, and felt as if you didn’t care. Also when they found out you’ve been gambling and throwing away good money after bad, like most non addicted people, they will see it as a very selfish and uncaring thing.

I do agree that gambling is connected with mental health. Depression can lead to addiction, addiction can lead to depression. It’s a real chicken and egg scenario for some people. For others they may have had a long history of mental health issues, not neccasarily depression, before becoming addicted. There are other people who’ve been addicted for years before the symptoms of mental health issues manifest themselves.

I have had spells in psychiatric wards and was on Prozac for a number of years. I had gambled for many years beforehand though.

Addiction isn’t just a manifestation of mental illness though, lots of people will be addicted without being diagnosed with any mental health issues. However problem gambling itself is recognised by the WHO ( world health organisation ) as a mental health issue. It is also recognised now by the NHS, I know that because when I went to the soho gambling clinic when it first opened I had to be referred by my doctor. I believe it’s different now, but am not sure.

Micky I’m on your side with this, you say the estrangement is permanent how do you know?

You’re kids have witnessed you, in their eyes and minds, fucking your life up again and again. Recovery can reap rewards mate, you do not know what the future holds neither do your kids.

If they see you actively in recovery for a long period, in their eyes you may have “mended your ways”.

It’s great you’ve found Standalone.org and know that you’re not alone with this, keep talking. It may take years and years, but maybe when you reach 60, your project may reap bigger rewards than you can imagine. It may never happen that you get reconciled with your kids, and would probably be unlikely if you can’t get the addiction off your back. But nothing is impossible, staying in recovery will certainly enhance the chances of them seeing you in a different light.

I never ever thought I would be reconciled with my partner after she chucked me out 8 years ago. She let me back when I went to rehab, but I gambled again and was out. I was penniless, homeless, and on the streets destitute. I didn’t hate her, I loved her and could not understand how she could do this to me. She loved me too, but not my addiction. She done it because my addiction was ruining her life and that of her child, which then has a knock on effect. She couldn’t understand the gambling, it made her mood different which effected the way she was with other people. She was brave and decided she had to do it. For her, she realised that she couldn’t help me, she had tried countless times. If I was going to let the addiction continue to ruin my life, she wasn’t going to let it ruin hers.

That relationship was over completely. After 4 years or so she began another relationship and looked happy. ( I seen on Facebook). I accepted we would never be a couple again. It took a long long time to accept the fact she wouldn’t see me again. I remembered the scerinity prayer.

Accept the things I can not change. ( I couldn’t change the fact she had a new happy relationship, and she was obviously adamant that I would not feature on her life again).

The courage to change the things I can. ( I could stop gambling, it was a choice I could make).

And the wisdom to know the difference. (Instead of getting frustrated and depressed because she wouldn’t have me back, accept it and get on with my recovery. Because, after all, even without her in my life, my life would be so much better without gambling in it).

The moral of the story Micky is that we are back together now things are better than they ever were (it didn’t work out with the other partner). This is eight years after she first chucked me out for good. My relationship with my daughter gets better little by little year after year, but I fear it will be a long time, if ever before she can completely forgive me, trust me, or even understand.

Remember the serenity prayer Micky. God didn’t give you the addiction he gave you free will, the same as everybody else.

I’m not having a go Micky, please don’t take it as such, and I do appreciate your replies.

I also noticed you didn’t mention your kitty/tin in either of them, are you going to put it somewhere safe?.

Mate things can work themselves out, it takes us years to reach the bottom, so it may take years for us to get back up again. Don’t give up. Anybody who’s been on this forum for years and knows my story will tell you that I’m always going on about talking about my problems to others, and without doing this I know I’d still be up shit street mate.

Onwards and upwards Micky.

[micky]

Today i have ( and last night ) been reflecting on my faith and what it means to me , it has helped me through some very low times in my life , we as CG’S often quote O.D.A.A.T. the christian gospel song “One day at a time sweet jesus” is a very powerful moving song and one which i love it can be found on youtube.

[i-did-it]

I love that song too Micky – in fact I love lots of Christian music. Today I am feeling that we are blessed !

[micky]

Days are mounting up iv’e made some enquiries about opening some more savings accounts , not vast amounts to go in them but what little money i do save will be safer .

[i-did-it]

Great idea Micky ! Better to be safe than sorry as the old saying goes . Today my snapshot is happy ! What’s urs ?

[micky]

Second long 12 hour shift very tired but happy in my recovery , the days are flying by .

[micky]

Iv’e done it payday has come and gone (monday) iv’e sorted my budget and put money into my savings account and it’s day 27. All in all i’m feeling very pleased with myself . Tonight at work i chair my very first meeting (fingers crossed it goes well) .

[i-did-it]

What a great snapshot Micky – well done all round – let us know how the “chair” goes !

[vera]

How did it go Micky?

[micky]

Unfortunately the meeting was cancelled until tonight ( we had a comms exercise) i will let you know how i get on tomorrow i need some much needed sleep now ( 12 hour night just completed) .

[micky]

Yes i did it Chaired my first meeting at work and surprised myself at how confident i was ( inside i was so apprehensive) i couldn’t have done it if i had a gambling episode hovering over me. Moving on i am now on my 6 rest days off , i aim to keep busy and enjoy them.

[i-did-it]

Well done Micky . Sometimes I think we underestimate how much we know and how much we are capapble of . We have a second chance now – who knows where it will take us ?well done on chairing that meeting .

[micky]

Great day, exercised, went to see a rugby match, housework and now chilling , this is the life 🙂

[maverick.]

Great to see you doing well Micky, keep doing what works for you my friend and keep up the great effort, hope this finds you well.

Take care and all the very best.

Maverick

[micky]

Nothing to do with gambling i thought i was doing the right thing about something but it’s not turned out that way i suppose deep down i knew it wouldn’t but i was torn between the devil and the deep blue sea . Damned if i did damned if i didn’t. Now the wolves (certain people /family) are circling me i’m saying nothing just waiting for them to crucify me )

[vera]

Been there, Micky. Played “devil’s advocate” too often. And been scapegoated. My solution was to bury it all in slot machines. Having no crutch or nowhere to run can be dodgy for a CG. Is there anyone sane you can talk to?

[Anonimno]

For what it’s worth I think you’ve done the best thing by posting here. We all have to learn that life is not a bed of roses once we’ve managed to stop gambling.

If there is no one you can confide in, the samaritans can be a life saver. Anything is better than escaping back to gambling mate.

I’ve spoken to the samaritans many times mate, not necessarily because I felt I was suicidal, just because I know talking helps.

Take care Micky.

Geordie.

[micky]

My lifes not good right now, still waiting for my son to come to my house and kick my head in ( his words in a voicemail ) whatever happened to respect and getting to the facts first, no matter what my dad did or said i respected him . To live in fear of my own son threatening me is not right .

[vera]

Every bully is a coward, Micky!
Just lie low and lock your door.
The word “respect”means very little now but you can still lead by example.
Don’t rule out putting the police on notice if you are scared.
The world is upside down!

[micky]

Sent those messages i think i needed to get these off my chest , what have i got to lose **** it ,

[i-did-it]

Micky- try get some sleep -everything will look better in the morning. If you feel threatened use the law – ur son is out oforder – no one has the right to threaten us – no matter what mistakes we make

If he hasn’t arrived by now, He is unlikely to- he might have had a few and it could’ve the drink talking.
Get as good asleep as u can Micky

[maverick.]

Stay strong Micky and stay focused, dont let anyone upset your recovery or you, what other people think about us is there problem not yours, keep doing what works for you my friend as we both well know the alternative isnt much fun.

Take care

Maverick

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky – u ok?

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky – u ok?

[micky]

i’m still reflecting what happened last weekend and how i deal with it in the long run , no easy answer but i’ll get there.

[micky]

Answer to self as usual the silence is deafening from the 12 strong team, erm yea deal with it , may as well seeing as no-one from gt team can’t be bothered .

[vera]

I hear you Micky…very frustrating when you feel ignored
Maybe everyone is sunbathing.??????????????

[i-did-it]

Hey Micky – hope u are ok.

[micky]

Sometimes you have to just get on with it yourself especially when you live on your own, the answer is draw a line under it and move on and stop over elaborating .

[i-did-it]

…And look forward!
Don’t look back Micky – look forward – to better days , better times

[micky]

Yes look forward i have already planned my day for tomorrow ( good advice from i-d-i )

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky ,

Hope things are on the up .

[micky]

Days are flying in now , time to treat myself i think

[vera]

Micky, are you still collecting the £1 a day?
How many now?

[micky]

Up to 43 now Vera , the days are mounting up , deffo treating myself soon.

[micky]

Last few days have been great especially yesterday , day 45 tomorrow , 12 hour shift so not so difficult to plan .

[i-did-it]

Ah great news Micky !
Keep strong

[micky]

4 and 5 half way there 45 , It’s great when you finally draw a thick line under something that you cannot control , i should have done it years ago .

[velvet]

Hi Micky
Forget what maybe you should have done years ago (which you cannot change) and enjoy what you are doing now.
Please take care of yourself when you use your money pot to treat yourself. Achieving goals in money and time can feel like reaching a peak – don’t let the empty money pot look like a trough – living gamble-free is the greatest treat of all and it doesn’t empty the kitty,
Velvet

[micky]

Enjoy what i’m doing now , so true living in the moment when your happy and feeling good almost 50 🙂

[micky]

My last post about drawing a line, drawing a line under , in my situation people who don’t care about me doesn’t mean i can totally obliterate them from my mind , physically is easy but mentally is not , they always pop in my mind wether i like it or not that is something i cannot control.

[micky]

Day 47 and almost my maiden half century , life is good.

[i-did-it]

Micky, I use the analogy of me powering down a road and as I go through life there will sometimes be vehicles (people) who are parked for now , but that doesn’t mean that one day they won’t get repaired or filled up with fuel and come find me.

I find it easier to imagine them parked along my journey rather than gone for whatever reason .

I also park past hurts, nasty people , bullies I have encountered, bad experiences .
I park a lot ! Always to the side of the road so I can continue with my happy journey on the clear middle road .
It works for me – hope it helps .

[micky]

Good analogy i-d-i also one day they might have sat there that long they get took away for scrap .

[micky]

Hope everyones doing okay and keeping positive , if a positive opportunity comes along my advice is take it iv’e recently found my faith again . I have been to a church service and small bible study group and thoroughly enjoyed both , my life is so much better for it, i feel blessed today.

[kathryn]

I was bought up to believe in God.
It was drummed into me daily at school and at church every Sunday.
When my father died I told God to go take a long walk off a short pier.
I have never been able to regain my faith, and I am truly envious of people who have it.
You are truly blessed.
Love K xxx

[micky]

I am truly blessed like Kathryn says and i like it , god was there for me in my times when i cried out to him and i have my faith and thats all that matters to me right now .

[vera]

Thanks for posting to my thread, Micky.

Faith is like a flower- without water, it will die.
Hope, Faith’s sister – an answer to the gambling lie
Charity, the fruit of both brings to all, true peace and joy
And blessings beyond the wildest dreams of even you and I !

[micky]

Lovely Vera thank you, i feel really blessed today and happy with the way my life is now heading .

[i-did-it]

Great to read u are doing so well Micky

[micky]

A beautiful day here in north west England if anyone is struggling today with our addiction i am praying for you all.

[micky]

I’m moving on with my new life in recovery and it’s opening up all sorts of new and old avenues, life is good .

[vera]

just checking in to say hello, Micky!
Everything ok?

[micky]

Everythings okay , never been as happy in a long long time . 🙂

[velvet]

Hi Micky

Life will continue to get better . Great positive post has me smiling.

Velvet

[Anonimno]

Hey Micky, is all still going well mate?

[micky]

After a break away from G.T. i feel it’s time to get back here and get back to what works for me in my recovery .

[i-did-it]

Glad to have u back Micky- I’m kinda on a break myself !

[i-did-it]

Glad to have u back Micky- I’m kinda on a break myself !

[vera]

Any particular reason for the break Micky?

[micky]

I’m now in a relationship and loving it, but at the same time still need to keep focused in my recovery .

[micky]

Everyone will eventually find what works for them in recovery , we are all different and made up of lots of different things. Staying in recovery is the hard part, for me it’s taking time in everything i do and thinking things through.

[i-did-it]

MIcky so nice to read you are in relationship – recovery is about more than abstinence . Keep doing what works for you- remember you deserve the very best life has to offer .

[micky]

Totally agree on what i-did-it says above we all deserve better than the addiction is allowing us. I hope we can all find our strength and keep in recovery . Micky.

[micky]

Every day is a red letter day when we in recovery do not gamble, achiving the unachievable feels great in itself and gives us all a great lift.

[i-did-it]

Micky , your positive posts give me a great lift also and keep me hopeful

[micky]

Back to square one i’m ashamed to say, not really sure what to do now i suppose wait for tomorrow to start in recovery again .

[vera]

So sorry to hear that Micky. I have been “back to square one” more times than I could co un t. It is one place I never want to be again.
Why wait for tomorrow?
Start again NOW!

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky – I have just completed week one – have had a major slip – but you know how it goes – a week down and I’m feeling less fragile and more hopeful . Despite much analysis as to why I have relapsed ( from not listening to not wanting to hear ) the truth is its a hard addiction to beat – we just have to brush ourselves down and start again- I don’t believe we are ever back to square one – I think each slip / relapse brings lessons and in truth Micky it feels like your slips are becoming less and less frequent or maybe your gamble free times are extending .

You know how quickly life feels better once we stop and our brains have space for other things . If you start day one tomorrow you will be feeling a little better by the weekend .

Don’t beat yourself up Micky – almost everyone on here has had relapses at some point but many go on to be gamble free.
Tomorrow is another day — a great new day and a great new start .

[micky]

Thanks for your support Vera and I-did-It , means alot . I think i still have hope but i’m very much down at the moment . Hopefully i’ll start to feel better soon.

[charles]

Hi Micky, well done on being honest here.

The date of your last bet might have changed but what you have learnt in recovery hasn’t.

What was helping you a few weeks ago will still be helping. How can you learn from waht has happened. Where did you gamble – can you get excluded? How did you fund it – how can you make yourself more accountable? You are in a relationship – does your new partner know aboput your gambling? Could they help you with accountability?

Maybe up the support? Post a little more, post about the positive ways you are filling your time etc. Maybe get to some of the online groups here or to at GA.

Well done on climbing back on the wagon so quickly.

[i-did-it]

Have a great day Micky ! Hope your feeling a little better !

[micky]

Moving on again after dusting myself down and doing what worked/ WORKS FOR ME .

[micky]

Hi everyone i’m on day 3 of my recovery i know lots of you don’t believe in counting the days but i find it helps me. I’m not going to talk about negative things iv’e done that in my journal in the past but positive things. Positively got up this morning and made a cup of coffee , i’m doing what works for me again and it’s not time consuming at all , spends diary, daily diary, gambling diary , planning ahead list. Hope everyone has a good day today . M.

[kathryn]

We’ve all been there, as time passes you’ll feel batter and better. If you can get any other barriers up do it now.
I’m happy to read that your finding positives in your life and a simple cup of coffee can be the best!!!!! I drink waaaay too much myself, proboably 8 cups a day but I love it!!!
So keep that positive attitude! And have a great day!
Love K xxx

[micky]

Day 5 and although i’m feeling unwell and under the weather at the moment , sore thoat, bad back etc, i’m in day 5 of recovery and life is good . M,

[vera]

Sorry to hear you are under the weather, Micky. Real life sucks sometimes, too!
The old Chinese “salt and water gargle cure” works for sore throats.
All “First World ” problems compared to gambling but they still drag you down.
I’m still bobbing along in my imperfect world, Micky. One day at a time. Nobody can stop time moving on. In one way I’m impatient to get all my debts paid but I’m acutely aware when that goal is reached I will be 3 years older.
EEEKS!! I hate getting old!

[micky]

I was going to change my thread but iv’e changed my mind , project 60 can still and will be achieved. Determination is my keyword at the moment , lots to look forward to in my life 🙂 M.

[i-did-it]

Great to read you are feeling so positive Micky. Of course there is lots to look forward to . Onwards and upwards.

[micky]

Day 7 and i had a thought yesterday , simply no more gambling, no more worrying about how much my bills will be.

[micky]

Day 8 today and i’m feeling focused and calm nothings too much trouble when i’m not gambling .

[charles]

Hi Micky, well done on getting back into your non gambling routines. You are on day 8 since your last bet. I would disagree that you are only on day 8 of recovery – you have learnt and progressed a lot since you first started posting here and that recovery knowledge hasn’t been lost. Keep posting.

[micky]

Thanks Charles your right my recovery knowledge is certainly helping me right now on my journey without gambling . I have learned so many things in the past and am using them to continue on in my quest to be gamble free .

[micky]

Day 10 and yesterday was payday, i have decided to transfer money on payday into a savings account , something which i can go on line and see anytime . Just for today i did not gamble i thought it through and i don’t want to for many many reasons, including my partner, my son, my savings, my sanity amongst a whole list of other reasons.

[i-did-it]

Well done Micky ! You have so many good reasons not to gamble . Day 10 already ! The savings account will be very motivating – I know others on here write about being able to see their savings on line and it helps them. Keep strong .

[micky]

Day 12 is here , i would just like to say that Gambling therapy is a crutch that we as compulsive gamblers can all use whether it’s the forums, live advice, or drop in sessions. For me the Journal works because i can post as much or as little as i like on any given day. For anyone struggling today i have said a pray for you .

[micky]

Never seen a workforce where i work as demoralised ever in 32 years of working there. It’s a shame the government and greedy bosses are not on the shop floor where the real work happens , it’s awful when all you look forward to is going home and payday.

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky, it’s amazing how the wrong people at the top can bring such bad feeling to the workplace. I am impressed you have been there for so long – would you ever consider a change? – u know what they say a change is as good as a rest. Well done on your gamble free time.

[micky]

Just for today i will not gamble. It’s such a nice day anyway why spoil it by gambling , being positive again today . 🙂

[micky]

Another failure on tuesday , i have self excluded from all my local bookmakers and thats quite a few, also closed down an online account i had opened, feeling very pleased with myself having completed these things and yet also ashamed and not quite sure why i have lied especially on here i hope my friends on here will forgive me. i am £2930 in debt and have been working out how i can pay it back . Any advice will be welcome. thank you.

[vera]

You don’t have to seek forgiveness here, Micky. We are all CGs. We all did similar and worse things.
As for the debt, if it’s with a Credit Card or Financial company, you can contact them and make arrangements to enter a “Defaulter Plan. I have one such plan because the interest was looming and I explained that I could not keep up with the payments. They kindly did an Expenditure List and agreed that I would pay a small amount and they dropped the interest. There are T & Cs Micky but it brings relief. Check it out. If your loan is to “real people” you will just have to fess up and ask them to come to a repayment arrangement with you.
The thing about not gambling, is the debt gets smaller, not bigger!

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky , Vera has given you good advice – I set up a repayment plan with all my credit cards-and I pay a little to them all monthly – I have cleared quite a few.
Sorry to hear you are feeling low – I am considering residential treatment – is that something that would interest you?
It sometimes feels like we work hard all week to barely survive .well done on coming clean- nobody understands more than the people on here .

[micky]

Thank you Vera and I-did-it, i needed some positive posts . The debts i can manage now i have worked a budget out , it can be done. So far i’m having a good day today, i’ll keep posting when i can.

[vera]

Good to hear you are working out a budget, Mickey. Can you get somebody to monitor your finances?
I thought my husband would do that a few years ago, but I know now it will not happen . He just can’t be my “banker/minder”. Not his forte! So I TELL him every time I spend money, show him my credit union/post office book when I make lodgements and repayments. Ask him how much he has spent….it can be a bit tedious but it makes me feel I am being accountable. I also leave the Credit Union Books where he can look at them if he chooses instead of hiding them…
I guess what I’m saying, Mickey is that accountability helps.
Post when you can.

[micky]

I have decided to give my debit card to my partner after ive paid a few things on payday, i feel this is the way forward for me at this moment in time.

[vera]

Well done, Mickey.
Having access to cash ruined me in the past.
Our Time and Money are never our own when we hide . Better to swallow our pride and be accountable.

[micky]

(It works) self excluding from my local bookmakers and cancelling my online account with william hill is working , also cutting back on alcohol consumption and giving my debit card to my partner on payday . Small steps but ( big changes) .

[i-did-it]

Well done Micky – Every new thing we add strengthens our armour against this horrible addiction. Alcohol doesn’t help so well done on that too- you deserve happiness and you deserve a supportive partner – all in all life is looking good for you Micky !

[micky]

So much looking forward to this weekend spent with my partner , what a difference a few days can make when you make positive changes to your life.

[micky]

The self exlusion is working i am self excluded from 19 bookmakers in and around where i live . Yes i have had thoughts of ” i’ll go to the bookies” when the opportunity has arisen but then remembered i’m self excluded. 🙂 M.

[i-did-it]

Well done Micky – thank u for your post on my thread- I think it’s a great idea we support each other – this is my last time giving up – this time it is forever – so guess u will always be two days ahead of me forever lol- well done on ur fifteen days .

[micky]

Had to share this just had some time to kill and thought ( got the urge ) to gamble at the bookmakers. DING DONG ” I’m self excluded ” it’s working 🙂 . It also gave me time to think about what the consequences would have been .

[micky]

Time to post and say nothing remarkable today just a quiet nice and easy day , i’m feeling very good today.

[Anonimno]

Micky, for anyone who has had to battle with addiction, a quiet nice and easy day is in itself a remarkable thing.

Good to see you back on the right road again.

Geordie.

[i-did-it]

Delighted to read you are attending service on Sundays Micky. Sometimes (often) I find it hard to feel God’s presence – it is then I need to read my bible to feel closer- often I forget -I am glad that verse helped you today .

[micky]

What a feeling walking through town today knowing i could not enter any one of the bookmakers . Having breakfast in a cafe with a nice cup of tea all for the princely sum of £6.30, life is good to say the least.

[micky]

I didn’t realise it was 2 weeks since i had posted and 11 days since my sister passed away ( the latter seems sometimes to be much longer) My sister died suddenly on friday the 20th of october due to a massive stroke, she was taken to hospital but died several hours later.

[Anonimno]

So sorry to hear you’re bad news Micky.

Hope you’re coping ok and have supportive people to talk to.

[vera]

Please accept my sincere condolences on the death of your sister, Micky.
That is very sad.
May she rest in peace.
Take time to grieve.

[Monica1]

I am really sorry to hear this and wish to offer my sincere condolences on the passing of your sister. Must have come as a terrible shock. All good wishes at this sad time.

[i-did-it]

MIcky
I am so, so sorry to hear the sad news about your sister .
I hope you are doing ok.
A sudden death is a huge shock so be kind you yourself .
Was your sister older than you ?
Will remember you and your family in my prayers

[vera]

How are you Micky?
Thinking of you …

[i-did-it]

Yeah Micky , you are in our thoughts – keep strong

[micky]

Thanks to you all for the messages , much appreciated. As i have said often “Accept the things you cannot change and appreciate what you have” .

[micky]

Coming off here the support is non-existent 1 week – 3 days and not one reply ?????? it’s bad enough when fellow CG’S can’t reply but a dozen or so supposedly site support makes it even worse !!!!

[i-did-it]

Sorry Micky ,
I wrongly assumed you were taking time out due to your recent bereavement . I have just lectured someone else today on how they can’t read minds while I’m doing the same thing myself .
I am glad you are back – I hope things are going well for you .
I missed you on the site .

[velvet]

Hi Micky
I am sorry you feel you have lacked support – I know many people read without posting and I also know many people find it difficult knowing what to say to someone who has lost a loved one.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss, my only brother died suddenly and unexpectedly in February and many people felt unable to speak to me about him whereas I wanted to talk about him. I would love to hear about your sister if you want to talk.
I don’t know about you but there are so many things I would like to have talked over with my brother that we never got round to – I think with a sibling we maybe feel that there will always be time. I have a photo of my brother propped up beside my computer and he is laughing, almost as if to say I am daft for talking to his picture. We all have to deal with loss at sometime but there will never be a right time.
I know it is tough for you and that gambling has been your escape in the past but I have learned in the last 10 months that remembering the good times with my brother and living a better life for having known him is a good way to cope.
Stay gamble-free Micky and please keep posting
Velvet

[vera]

It did occur to me Micky , that it was a poor show that not one GT member offered their condolences on the death of your dear sister.
Life has become very insular.
I witnessed a member in GA one night sharing, with deep sadness that he had lost his sister the day before. He was shattered.
NOT ONE MEMBER SHOOK HIS HAND.
What has happened to our caring/Christian world?
Do humanists not empathize ? Have humans morphed into robots?
I’m baffled!

[Anonimno]

Micky, thank for your post.

I do get where you’re coming from with all your comments.

I didn’t mean J when I mentioned taking the piss mate I was referring to some other comments on the forum, I will post about this on my thread at some time in the coming days.

Please remember Micky I’m a CG just like you and everybody else here, sometimes I think that people forget that, I know that sometimes, I’m sorry to say, I behave like I’ve forgotten that. But I never have and I don’t want to. That has brought me crashing down in the past.

You are spot on though Micky I am saying exactly what you say, “I’ve done it why can’t you, you’re not trying hard enough”. The reason I go on like this Micky is that I have lost over thirty years of my life through gambling but I realise that I could have changed all those years ago, a lot of my frustration is aimed at my former self. I don’t want to see people endure years and years of trying and suffering before they finally do stop. Because there is just no need for it.

I do know how hard it is, I know how it keeps coming back and we trick ourselves that a one off bet will be ok. It’s never ok really though.

I hope life is treating you kindly Micky, I’m sorry that you didn’t get the support that you should have from the forum after the passing of your sister.

Micky I don’t gamble anymore, well not today, but I still have a lot of my gambling damage to contend with in my life. I live an honest life as much as I can the debts I have I’m afraid will never be paid off in my lifetime, so I avoid some of them. I’m not on the electoral roll, I havn’t paid my income tax for years, also I am a registered limited company for my work so I have corporation tax liabilities as well.

People might want to be where I am Micky, but my life isn’t a bed of roses. I live with my situation and I am in the process of getting my tax situation sorted but because of the situation I possibly could end up going back to jail. I can live with the situation though because I’ve learned to accept.

The words of the serenity prayer speak volumes, and when I found the serenity courage and wisdom, the penny dropped.
I hope that you start using the forum a bit more Micky, and even if I don’t comment on your thread a lot please be aware that I’ve read it and I know that you do want to change.

I did see pitfalls in you putting your pound a day in the jar, do you remember? But I took a lesson from that mate. I have jars of money in my place and I promise you it gave me a kick up the arse to go and put the money in the bank. Why was it ok for me to have excess cash lying about, but telling you it’s a stupid idea? I mightn’t have said that, but that’s what I thought to be honest, do you still do that?

I hope all your exclusions are still valid Micky, and I hope you havn’t really left the site.

Whether you’re on day one or day one thousand Micky its worth posting. The more you post the more support you will receive.

When your sister passed away Micky I promise you that I made a mental note to post back to you the following week and I got wrapped up in other things so I sincerely apologise for that.

I appreciate that you posted on my thread the other day and wrote what you did, it has brought me down a peg or two. It won’t be too long I dare say before my cocky know all attitude re-surfaces, I only ever mean well though Micky. I wish I knew all the answers, I don’t. I do know how long I gambled and I know how long I tried to stop. I know how I was able to stop and it wasn’t easy, I don’t find it too hard to stay stopped to be honest. But to get into this position cost me many many mistakes and many thousands of pounds, most of it was other peoples’ money. I just want to see people avoid this, because there was absolutely no need for it.

Thanks again for posting Micky. It has helped me a lot.

[Anonimno]

The serenity, courage, and wisdom. That I thought was elusive for such a long time is actually a lot closer than you might think Micky.

[Monkey15]

I’m quite new to this forum, about two weeks now and was also sad to hear about your dear sister. Life really sucks sometimes and when you loose a loved family or friend the pain in your heart can be unbearable. I imagine that you and your family are still feeling quite raw after this sad loss. I’d be interested in hearing more about your recovery journey. I so enjoy reading and sharing our stories. Warm regards. Tina

[micky]

Thank you all for the posts on my thread , it’s good to know their are so many lovely thoughtful people on here. Iv’e decided to stay on the site and post for advice/ support when i need it instead of expecting it . Thanks.

[i-did-it]

So glad to hear that Micky!

[micky]

Recovery date and time as above , feeling really positive today, i worked out a budget last night via stepchange online and it at least gives me a remedy of hope.

[micky]

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

[vera]

Amen to that Micky.
I just read that Stepchange has given you a remedy of hope.
It is so important that we cling to that hope, Micky, one day at a time.
Keep posting.

[micky]

Feeling really good today first day back at work went great and I feel as if I have turned a corner in my life .

[i-did-it]

So pleased to read that post Micky- life can be so difficult and can hit us hard at times .
You have suffered a huge loss but w wall have to earn a living .
I remember how difficult it was to return to work after my dad’s sudden death -I think once you get the first day over you it gets easier. I wasn’t gambling then thank God .
Please be careful – two traumatic losses too close together catapulted me into an addiction I never thought I would have –
Please be careful and be kind and to yourself – we can be more vulnerable than we realise .

Stay positive and keep posting

[micky]

Thanks i-d-i . for the good advice as usual but a couple of weeks ago i gambled and lost quite a lot of money. Whether it was escapism or not i’m not sure either way the damage was done. Today i’m happy and content with my lot, life is good.

[i-did-it]

Hey I gambled I a few weeks ago too Micky .
It is horrible and it takes us a while to come to terms with it .
I have had so many “recoveries” I have lost track.
But today I am happy to read that you are happy .
Keep strong.

[micky]

Turning another page or corner and making the right choice is always going to be difficult for anyone with an addiction even though we know the consequences the addiction can take over and a brownout occurs . Today im blessed my addiction is not controlling me .

[i-did-it]

So good to read Micky . I have closed my current threads after being judged as more sick that the sickest CG .
I guess that must make me the worse person on here but I will still drop by and offer support – you are doing well – it is a hard struggle and every day we don’t gamble is a bonus !
Keep strong. .

[micky]

Feeling good again today , life is precious and a gift the lord has given us .

[finding_laura]

Good morning Micky,

I’m glad you are feeling good again today. You are so right, life is precious, and it is our job to live it. I see this is my first post to your thread when I go back a ways. I feel terrible that I haven’t been part of your support here at GT. I am also very sorry for the loss of your sister that you have faced. It’s the people in our lives that matter. And the time we could spend with them. Keep living for today!
Laura

[micky]

Feeling happy and content with my life , life is good . Thank you lord .

[i-did-it]

Amen – delighted to read this post .
Keep strong Micky – it’s a hard auld struggle !

[micky]

Thursday 21st of december 2017 today i quit gambling i am 53years and 272 days old. Time to say goodbye to my addiction and move on with my life and fulfill my potential, it will not be easy but i am willing to do anything this time to prevent a re-lapse . Life is too short to waste on an addiction which is ruining my life and has done for years. I’m going back to what works for me in recovery an uphill struggle i know because i have been there and have the experience.

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky ,
Could you perhaps make a list of what works for you ( it might help me ).
The only time I had any really significant gamble free time was when I did a Christian online course called setting captives free.
I don’t think the course exists anymore. I had a personal mentor who got An email of my responses and he replied to me .
I haven’t been gamble free but I have definitely made a lot of progress.- it would however be great to kick it for good .
Any ideas you would like to share would be most welcome .
Xx

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky ,
Than you for your post on my thread – I hope Christmas was ok- I know it’s your first without your sister .
I was thinking of you – grateful for your continued support .

[i-did-it]

Found this – you might be interested .

https://christians-in-recovery.org/AboutCIR_WhyChristianRecovery

[i-did-it]

hi Micky ,
Just dropped by to wish you a happy new year !
Hope all is going well for you !

[micky]

Happy new year i-d-i and also to everyone on GT. A new year represents new hopes and dreams both big and small. Small steps lead to big strides eventually, so lets all make a big effort to get those steps in .

[i-did-it]

So great to see you back Micky .
Hope you have a great 2018- and hope we all have a gamble free year

[lizbeth4]

Happy New Years! You’ve made great strides! You give me the inspiration to do the same.

[vera]

Mickey, I hope 2018 will be a gamble free year for you.
Wishing you every blessing and good health.

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky ,
How are things going ?
Be nice to read a post from you .

[maverick.]

Micky, always good to see you around brother keep sharing my friend no matter what…..good or bad you know this is the place to be, take care and wish u well.

Maverick

[i-did-it]

All ok Micky ?

[micky]

The time has come , i have owned up to myself that the longer i put it off the worst it will get. My debt has grown over the last few months , i am posting the form to cancel my online account i am already excluded from all bookmakers in my area. This is the last barrier. I am looking forward to a happy life without gambling in it. I will keep posting everyday so i keep focused on what i have to gain from now on.

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky ,
I try to post every day and it t really helps Me.
I find the encouraging posts on my thread reward me for my efforts .
Please really make an effort to post every day – or even twice a day .
There is something about writing down our thoughts and our number of days that so very motivating .

Great to see you here

[micky]

Day 2 and i have e-mailed and sent documents to my DMP. I’m feeling very upbeat at the moment i knew i had to start again somewhere. 180 days until i’m debt free again.

[finding_laura]

Good to see your feeling upbeat Micky. We just have to keep at it and we will get there! Build the barriers higher and the accountability stronger. Even accountability to our group of friends here at GT can be a help. I know there have been times where I thought of everyone here and said nope, not dissapointing my friends! All the best Micky! Im travelling right now but will try and check in on you. Hope you are having a good day! Laura

[i-did-it]

I am feeling very upbeat because I am delighted to see yourself and Slot junkie back . It is so good to have good people to share the journey with . Micky you know you can do this – we all can -keep strong and keep posting .

[micky]

Day 3 and i’m stilling feeling good , i have to change the bank my direct debits etc come out of and inform my pay department at work of the new bank details , at first i was a bit “have i really got do all this” but thinking about it , it’s not that difficult. Onwards and upwards , life is good now i’m doing something about it all, i can see the light again.

[i-did-it]

Great post Micky ,first few days the hardest .
Keep strong and make those changes .

[micky]

Day 4 was great to see that when i checked,, my online account has been closed ( i chose the 5 year option) .

[micky]

Day 5 im very tired today having worked an extra 12 hour shift last night, tired but happy . Life is good without you know what.

[i-did-it]

Well done Micky.
Life is good and will only get better!

[micky]

Day 6. A sad day today i have had my 16 year old cat Lucky put to sleep, her quality of life was all but finished. high blood pressure, mild kidney failure, blind in one eye, back legs failing , mouth deteriorating, and breathing problems. She was a great friend to me as well as being a pet, i’ll miss her dearly. I still have her daughter Lucy who is 15 and in really good health.

[micky]

On a brighter note i’m into day 6 , i have an appointment with the bank at 2.30 . Life is good without you know what.

[i-did-it]

Aw Micky ,
Pets are not just animals – the are part of our families. When he die they leave a huge void in our homes and in our hearts.

My little dog had cancer – I used to pretend I was staying up all night with her and I would gamble all night on my laptop.

I look back am consumed with guilt that after so many years I didn’t give her that time in her last weeks . I was here , I was near but I wasn’t with her –
I think that is one of my worse memories .

Keep strong , keep free , and I hope you have lovely memories of Lucky

[micky]

Day 7 and i’m happily moving on now , moneys going to be tight for the next 6 or 7 months but it will be worth it in the end.

[i-did-it]

Yes just keep your eye on August / September when you will be able to relax and enjoy money – it’s not so far away – remember your money is for you – not some casino or bookies owner who already has too much .

[micky]

Very busy today with work , i work 12 hour shifts, with travelling time it’s really 14 hours . Keeping busy really helps me not just at work but at home too .

[i-did-it]

Ah when we are busy the devil can’t make word for our idle hands – keep posting Micky

[micky]

Day 9 and thinking about the barriers i have in place and how important they are , i am stressed out over something right now but not that stressed that i’m reaching for alcohol or i’m going to gamble to escape (escapism). I am taking time to think things through and look at the big picture and in the big picture theres no room for alcohol or gambling.

[i-did-it]

Well done Micky – sh*t happens – gambling doesn’t have to !
Take your time , think things over and you will get through this difficult period

[micky]

Day 10 and just got home from visiting my fathers strewn area (i’m always drawn to the big oak tree there) it’s 15 years since he passed away, iv’e told him of my plans and current situation. Life is so good and being in control of my choices is even better.

[micky]

Day 11 and i’m just out of bed after doing a 12 hour shift, looking forward to today watching the rugby with my partner . Thoughts of gambling are zero .

[finding_laura]

sorry to hear about your cat and companion Lucky. They really are like fur babies to us and their little personalities can be so missed. Good to see you are moving ahead with closing the account and dealing with bank issues. The months will go by regardless. A little tight you can do. Massive destruction is what we want to avoid. The months will go by either way! We just need to think through the consequences and make the right choices. Good to see you still here fighting the good fight. Have a great day. Laura

[micky]

A nice relaxing Sunday today. Recognising triggers is a must , when things go wrong in my life I recognise this can lead me to you know what. Stepping back and looking at the big picture really helps me put things into perspective.

[micky]

On my rest days at the moment, a beautiful day outside. I had my first tennis lesson yesterday and really enjoyed it, i will be playing for fun as i do badminton. Plans for today , shopping , take library book back, post a letter, come home make dinner, life is good.

[i-did-it]

Must be a post gambling thing but I too have taken up tennis (kinda lol). Well done Micky ! Life is good

[micky]

Short term pain
long term gain

That says it all for me for the next 6-7 months most of my spare money is going towards paying my debts, planning what to do with the spare money after that is a must and i’m working on that now ( thanks to idi for warning me) thats when the real problem will kick in and i have so much spare money.

[micky]

Went to the fortnightly quiz last night and thoroughly enjoyed it , been into town today and visited the library amongst other things, i’m enjoying life . life is good, i choose life.

[micky]

Went to bed early last night with a proper bad headache , feel alot better today. I do a to do list the night before the next day and it’s a great feeling when i cross all the things off the list, far better than wallowing in self pity after a gambling binge for days on end.

[i-did-it]

Micky
How right you are.
Waking up after a good nights sleep and tackling a to do list is way better than waking up with guilt , regret and self hatred .

Hey you n me are doing ok !
Think it’s our time Micky !

[micky]

Been to work, now happily at home doing normal at home things, life is good.

[i-did-it]

Normal is good !
Normal means no stress, worry or gambling.
Keep strong !

[micky]

Day 18 , half a day from work today, going to sit back relax and enjoy the rugby, life is good, i choose life. ( gambling is not life for me, it’s destruction )

[i-did-it]

Well done Micky – sounds like you have a good day planned .
I am planning on going out to get away from the rugby , football and other boring sport which my husband watches obsessively lol!
Like how could he watch sport when interesting stuff like Housewives of Orange ****** or Dr Phil is on?
haha!

Have a great day – enjoy your rugby !

[micky]

Had a really good day , bit slow to get going , slightly hungover, been to church and met some really nice people. Going on my 12 hour nightshift at 5pm. Life is good.

[micky]

Last night shift tonight then 6 days off , really looking forward to them. Lots to do , always lots to do now i’m not gambling or wallowing in self pity after doing so. Life is good, i choose life , i’m (Kin) feeding the good wolf. 🙂

[micky]

Day 21 and a quick check on my daily spends diary over last 3 weeks , examples, £25 vets, £20 petrol, £ 6.75 aldi, £1.10 papers etc etc etc. it’s good to see where my hard earned money is going .

[micky]

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

[i-did-it]

I love this Micky – it’s a great reminder of the amount of power we actually do have over our lives . I am so pleased to read that your money is being spent wisely – and not given to others to enjoy ! You are feeding the good wolf right now !

[micky]

Really enjoyed treating my partner yesterday , a great memory. Today i’m having another normal day sat with a cup of tea, later i’m playing badminton, life is good, i choose life.

[i-did-it]

How come you stop gambling and play badminton – I stop and find I have put on stones and just want to lie about watching Netflix ?
When the good weather comes (argh I have turned into my mum ) I will definitely get fit!

Well done Micky – treating loved ones is the best !

[micky]

Day 24 and been into work for union meetings. Thoughts turned to gambling on way home and driving to a bookmakers 23 miles away. I thought it all through and how it would affect my life. Just one thought was i could lose £300 in 5-10 minutes and how long it takes me to earn £300 . I fed the good wolf.

[micky]

A lovely day here in North England , going for a nice walk this afternoon, i feel very content today. Life is good. I choose life.

[micky]

Day 25 continued, just want to say to any new people on here don’t expect any encouragement from the so called admin on here i’m into day 25 and not one of them has said well done but this is normal.

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky ,
Charles has posted a few times on my thread which to be honest I do find encouraging.
I notice other staff seem to befriend certain people and not others (and talk about their long friendships ) so I get what you mean.
But you have my support and that of many others .
You are doing brilliantly .
Don’t let this or anything else distract you from recovery .
Read my recent posts on being selfish – nothing or no one is going to stand in my way of recovery this time – cos you know Micky – we deserve to as much as anyone !
We don’t need people who don’t need us .
We need recovery !!!

[micky]

Having a lazy chill out day today, think i deserve it.

[velvet]

Hi Micky
I’m sorry you have not felt adequately supported.
You are doing really well and I will keep an eye open for you as you progress further.
I like the way your thoughts turned and ran the other way when gambling came into your mind on the way home from your union meeting.
The good wolf was satisfied, you chose life and you made me smile; yup you deserve a well done.
Velvet

[micky]

Yes Velvet i am right , i would suggest that you sort out someone from your team to look after the journal side of things and post on our threads regularly . It clearly is not good enough .

[velvet]

Hi Micky
Please email in or contact the Helpline about any concerns or suggestions you have about the site, you will be heard.
Velvet

[micky]

just tried your helpline , Helplines should be 24 hours , gambling therapys is not , now there is a suggestion.

[micky]

Just in from work , long shifts but only 12 to do in a month so shouldn’t complain. 4 days since payday . Life is good.

[micky]

Another long shift completed, now off to the quiz night , very tired , hope i can think straight 🙂

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky
Have a good night at the quiz .
Great to have another long shift over .

Quiz night beats gambling any day !

[micky]

Had a great night last night at the quiz, always a good laugh and you get to learn new things . Busy practical day today, before 12 hour night shift tonight. life is good.

[micky]

Just up off night shift, last one tonight, then 6 days off, can’t wait .

[micky]

Awoke at 10.54 am and because i’d thought of gambling today going home off night shift at 6 am. I was tempted for a few seconds but thought better of it and went back to sleep , on awakening later i thought through the consequences of doing the deed and decided not to . Life is good. i choose life.

[i-did-it]

Well done Micky
You made a great choice and thanks for writing about it because you have just influenced me as I was thinking of making a bad choice !
Onwards and upwards!

[micky]

A beautiful day here in North England, my partners coming over soon and were going to visit my mams resting place (4th anniversary) . Then looking forward to the rugby later today. Life is good . I choose life.

[i-did-it]

Thank you Micky for your post .

I guess we don’t realise how much difference our posts can make to someone else .

You sound so positive Micky and life seems to be going well for you .

You mum’s anniversary is hard – four years is such a short time when grieving such a huge loss- and to lose your sister in this time too is a very hard blow .

Despite all you are working away at recovery and I know they are both proud of you.

Keep strong Micky and be kind to yourself.

[micky]

Day 33 another chilling out day today, so disappointing yesterday , best player for scotland was the referee. But hey no-one died. Lots to think about regarding the gambling and what to do in place of it.

[micky]

Gambling therapy staff / invisible people , i’m on day 33 and not one of you has said well done , keep it up , hey your doing great, i mentioned this on day 26, you really need to get out of your armchairs and connect with us, you maybe cured but some of us are not, and the ones on the signpost who are doing nothing need to to be removed from it because you are doing nothing .

[i-did-it]

MIcky
Velvet has written to you a few times I think .
She is staff.
She writes to some people !
Keep strong Ps u are doing great!

[velvet]

I think you should be aware Micky that GT is a charity and funding does not run to a Helpline that can be manned 24/7.
There is not a member of staff that does nothing and those of us who do write in the forums generally do so in a voluntary capacity.

[micky]

Yes idi when prompted velvet said yes yup well done , hardly a boost that i will not forget actually pretty pathetic, making excuses in the same message also for the rest of the silent staff. My point is this and i have suggested this , one of them should monitor the my journal everyday and post comments accordingly , i have had one comment in 33 day days and i had to beg for it. When someone new on here gets no comments , the staff should be commenting encouraging words , its not too much to ask , i checked out the names of some of them (staff)
and to be honest i have never seen comments off the majority of them,

[i-did-it]

MIcky
I actually don’t think it is their role to write on the forums , but as Velvet says it is voluntary .
I think the forums are for us to support each other.
I may be wrong.
I have noticed that Velvet has written on several threads- which I think is very kind.

I think maybe MIcky you and I rely on this site as our main support and it was never really meant to be that .( sorry if I’m wrong )
It is working for me now – but I let pride and fear get in the way of seeking live help.
I let a few people throw me off course several times on this site . I got caught up in their drama and I had no one to discuss this with outside this site .

MIcky continue to focus on recovery .
That’s what’s important .

Remember you are still grieving and I have had enough grief to know that anger can be part of it.
It has been a hard week – your mum’s anniversary and this will have amplified the recent loss of your sister.
You are a very decent man – you are possibly my main supporter on here as I always have a post from you – when I think I am being completely ignored .

Stay strong Micky
Stay focused .
Don’t get distracted from the real purpose of this site .

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky
I hope today is a wonderful gamble free day for you .

[i-did-it]

Just checking in on my mate!
Hope all is good !
Missing your daily posts .
Onwards and upwards

[i-did-it]

How are you doing Micky ?

[micky]

I didn’t post between 34-38 because i didn’t feel like doing so . Today would have been my mams 91st birthday , so iv’e been up to the cemetery and wished her happy birthday and also took her some handpicked flowers from my partners garden. Today i also gave my partner my bank card as i know it’s safer with her and i feel better in myself now i have done so.

[finding_laura]

Good morning Micky,

sorry I haven’t posted for a while. I ended up having major back surgery the very end of January. It’s been a long haul and I’m still recovering and sleep a lot between rehab and trying to keep up with the everyday things in life. I’m not working and wont be for a few months yet anyway. Not being able to get out of the house alone has been a huge barrier. Anyway, enough about me.

I’ve done some catching up on your thread. You are making the right choices Micky. If we make it extremely hard for ourselves to gamble it really does help us make the right decision. And soon those become the everyday habits. Saying no to gambling for the most part becomes easier. Except for those triggers that we all face occasionally. Really good job on giving up the bank card. We really do have to use the sensible part of our brain to outsmart the addicted part.
Keep it up Micky. July and August are getting closer. The days will go by regardless. The way you are passing them will make you feel better.
Have a good weekend, hopefully you have a bit of time off.
Laura

[micky]

Day 40 and as a christian i am currently in LENT , Lent is were you give something up for 40 days ( it can be longer say 44 days because sundays don’t *****. You can also instead of giving something up , give something instead , for instance i tied my neighbours garden yesterday of some litter which had accumalated but you couldn’t see for a few days because of the bad weather , i didn’t tell them i was doing this so hopefully it was a nice surprise for them. You don’t have to do something big every day, just opening a door for a stranger or a polite hello is all . Hope everyone is happy today, if not ride the waves and hopefully tomorrow will be better. 🙂

[micky]

Bit tired today , just completed my 4 12 hour shifts , now 6 days off , good thing is i don’t even feel like gambling , all those barriers really do help.

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky – did your neighbour notice her garden ? I read that post and thought why can’t MIcky be my neighbour? Lol.

I used to observe lent as a child- I haven’t for most of my grown up life – maybe I will for the rest of lent – I guess it is never too late to start.

I would love to do 4 long shifts and have six days off – sounds like a great way to work. So now I want your job too lol!

Keep going Micky – this gamble free life is great !

[micky]

Lots to do today but lots of time to do them , re-cycling , pick tablets up, some ironing (maybe) and going to a quiz night tonight. And the ongoing chores in the house which everyone has to do , those who are lucky like myself to have a roof over their heads, iv’e been thinking alot lately about the many homeless people in our so called first world country, how they survive in this freezing weather is beyond me. I often pray for them.

[micky]

it’s never too late to to change our ways or thinking , i think the DDD is a good one , as Kin says feed the good wolf.

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky ,
Thank you for your post on my thread.
Can I ask what is DDD?

Yes I think about the homeless a lot .
I feel one of the biggest judgments I will face when my life is over will be “you just spent £600 on slot machines – do you know how many families that could have kept alive in the Third world ? Instead you spent it on a completely selfish pursuit , bring stress and lack to your own family and pain and shame to yourself . Can you justify this ?”

I guess it’s never to late to do things differently .

Keep strong Micky !

[micky]

Last night i got the munchies and went to the corner shop and purchased , chocolate, a yoghurt and a pot noodle. £2.12 in total. I could do this because i am not wasting my money , probably seems an insignificant post but in the past i would not even have a spare 12p never mind £2.12.

[micky]

Good day yesterday turned into a bad day, but i did not gamble or even try to. Looking forward to tomorrow , helping out at our charity event. 🙂

[i-did-it]

Micky ,
Totally agree – it’s the little things that are important- even knowing you can get things when you want to . We have deprived ourselves for too long –
Onwards and upwards

[micky]

Enjoyed our charity event today, making over £300 for the kitty. Home now and feeling good about life.

[micky]

Recovery is good , i like recovery as strange as it seems i’m looking forward to paying some of my debt off on payday this week . Had a lovely day today with my partner i got her a card and present off her daughter which she wasn’t expecting , really made her day, she told me she cried when her daughter gave her them. Life is good.

[velvet]

Hi Micky
I know that recovery is tough, so it is great to hear that you are finding it is ‘good’.
Positive post – well done
Velvet

[micky]

Just thought of the thousands of days i have been a gambler (compulsive) 3 years equals one thousand. I had thoughts today about gambling but couldn’t be arsed , the journey there and the thought of losing was enough to put me off .

[micky]

Really tired today and i have to do 2 , 12 hour night shifts , tonight and tomorrow, but so glad i have a job because their isn’t many out their.

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky
I needed to read this today !
I am feeling resentful that I have to work – when I should be grateful to be able to .
Maybe your will get a sleep before your shift starts .
Great post about not gambling – it brings us nothing but pain.

[micky]

Been on night shift and a wee bit tired , 12 hour nights tonight then, 6 days off, life is good i choose life/recovery .

[micky]

First big payment made toward my debt/creditors, feels really good to have made a start on becoming debt free .

[Johnny B]

Great job. It does feel great to pay the creditors back. Remember the times where you would have lost that payment instead of doing the “right” thing with it… I swell with pride that I am able to make those payments..on time, and make that pile of pain go away. The sooner a debt can be paid off, the sooner you won’t think you need to gamble to make it go away faster. The only way to accomplish this, is to not add to it . You are doing a great job!

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky
It’s been a while since you posted .
Hope everything is ok with you and that recovery is treating you well.
Looking forward to an update !

[micky]

Hi folks ive just been having a rain check, i turned 54 years old at the weekend . Lots of positives going on, sometimes i have to look at the big picture to appreciate what iv’e got.

[micky]

Happy Easter to every one whether your just starting, in the middle or starting again in recovery. if your here you havn’t given up and thats the main thing.

[i-did-it]

Happy belated Birthday Micky – I hope you had a great time – you are five years older than me – we are getting on !

Hope you have a lovely Easter too

[micky]

Had a lovely start to Easter spent with my partner.

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky
That’s good that you will spend Easter with you partner . Will you you out for Easter dinner. Are you getting a long break from work ? Time for a good update methinks !

Keep strong and keep posting
Xx

[micky]

If anyone has seen the tv series” moving on” you will be able to see how people can move on when they change there lives. One of the episodes featured a gambler who was stealing to fund his habit but eventually he stopped and moved on with his life, i think we can all change and move on with our lives as well . 🙂

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky – that’s series sounds good -I will try find it.
I guess a lot of the time we feel stuck in life .- mostly stuck in the messes we have created .
Hope all is good with you
Xx

[i-did-it]

Hi Micky
How’s life wth you ?
Hope all is going well!

[Autor]

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