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This update is to transfer my New Topic Post, and any replies, that I made under similar post names. I am doing this to try and make it simpler for me to keep track of my entries.
If anyone else reads it and finds it confusing pleas overlook my varied attempts to get my stuff together, I am on the computer a lot but still not too familiar with the best way to do things. I might consider a computer class now that I have more time on my hands since I am not spending all that time at the casino. The first update was to correct spelling.
The transferred post come at the end.
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I started my membership in Gambling Therapy with a post entitled "Day Two is Still a Day Away" I joined this site yesterday (Aug 12th) and was hoping to start my postings announcing that I made it past my second day. I can’t do that, on what was to be my second day I ended up on one of my more stupid binges. So, the count down starts again. Somehow I regretfully have the feeling that I might have to face the realization of this title again, I do not plan to but after reading other post, I accept the fact that it might happen; I also accept the fact that I can start over if need be – hopefully this will not happen but if it does I am already looking for the strength and help to put my Second Day behind me forever. The rest of this post is mainly for my own acknowledgment of my problem.
My user name is Paul315, I am 65, retired but work part time. I am in the process of a divorce and live alone in a rented apartment. I have a grown family from my first marriage and also a teenage daughter in my current marriage. My new family is in France but I found myself in a depressed state being away from my US family after 9-11 that I had to return to the States for awhile. I really intended to go back but time and distance took their toll. I returned to my home in New Orleans only to be chased out by Katrina, another blow to my state of mind. From there I came back to St Louis where my grown family lives. Being near them is my only satisfaction but that is diminished by the thoughts of my French family. I believe these are the main reasons for my need to use gambling as an outlet – it is a make believe world where I can hide.
I have been attracted to gambling since first visiting Vegas in 1985. Prior to that I was never involved other then occasional home games. Up until the mid 90’s my involvement consisted of a yearly trip to Vegas where I enjoyed a controlled visit. When casinos opened in the local community, both is Saint Louis and New Orleans, my visits increased. I also went to the casinos in Nice much too frequently and keep it to myself, not as a secret, I mentioned it in passing but not as a topic of my daily activities, but because I felt it as a fault even before this admission of being an addict. Now it is a serious problem. I start off at the casino for entertainment and a social outlet but end up go on a crazy binge that I can’t walk away from, no matter if I am winning or loosing.
A greater problem is that I now find myself writing checks, that I realize afterwords, is way over my balance. Once I get started, I can’t control myself, I go insane. This erratic behavior bothers me later but at time my mental functions are so impaired that I even deny myself bathroom breaks until the very last moment. After I have to juggle my expenses around my then drastically reduced income. The check cashing services allow this and collect their fees, my bank overdrafts large amounts, collecting their fees. These fees are now, alone with my gambling are eating me alive. It is like being indebted to a loan shark. I would place myself in a Self-exclusion from Gambling Program but fear that I might still go and then be arrested for trespassing, although I think my writing bad checks would be a more serious crime if the check cashing services prosecuted instead of profiting from my weakness. I have reached a stage that I live in a depressed state of mind and do not know what to do. This is my first cry for help, but it should have been sooner.
The following is the post I mentioned above, I am repeating that post here as my beginning:
My Answers to Gamblers Anonymous’ Twenty Questions
1. Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling?
Yes, although I have not called in saying I couldn’t show up, I have taken off early
to go to a special gambling event.
2. Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?
Yes, even though I live alone I have made my own home life unhappy.
3. Did gambling affect your reputation?
Yes, it has caused some family members to think less of me.
4. Have you ever felt remorse after gambling?
Yes, but I tend to play down these feelings.
5. Did you ever gamble to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve
financial difficulties?
Yes, this is my reason for my uncontrolled gambling after I lose heavily during
my so called "controlled" gambling.
6. Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?
Yes, the depressed state I get in drains all ambition to do other things.
7. After losing did you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your losses?
Yes, I also have to stay and continue with funds I don’t have to spare.
8. After a win did you have a strong urge to return and win more?
Yes, winning does not satisfy me, most of the time I have to stay and
gamble until all is gone.
9. Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone?
Yes, sometimes I don’t even have enough change for coffee the next day.
10. Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?
Yes, I had to borrow from by daughter and brother, I have also taken advances
on my credit cards.
11. Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling?
Yes, I have sold a few items on eBay to gain extra funds.
12. Were you reluctant to use "gambling money" for normal expenditures?
Yes, I take from my living allotment regularly.
13. Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?
Yes, I cut my daughter’s child support short.
14. Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned?
Yes, I completely lose track of time, I have even had to find alternative
ways home after I miss the last bus.
15. Have you ever gambled to escape worry, trouble, boredom or loneliness?
Yes, these are the only reasons that I gamble, at first it was enjoyment,
but not it is an escape.
16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance gambling?
Yes, I have started to write hot checks and I have delayed depositing money
from sales at work.
17. Did gambling cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
Yes, I lay awake trying to figure out a way to change my life.
18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?
Yes, not any arguments but the disappointments and frustrations of the gambling
in it’s self causes me to want to gamble more.
19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?
This is the only question that I can answer "no" to, but only because I can’t think of
any good fortune that I have experienced lately.
20. Have you ever considered self destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling?
Yes, I don;t think that I have seriously considered it, but I have thought about it
being a solution.
I answered yes to more then the seven that seams to be the cut off, so I guess that I am a compulsive gambler in need of help. To tell the truth, I didn’t have to take the test to know.
My answers are much more complex then the short ones I have listed and that makes my problem even more scary.
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The rest of this post now showes the transfers mentioned at the begaining:
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
8:03:21 AM**
paul315
Missouri
Day Two is Still a Day Away – Gamblers Anonymous Report
I went to my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting last night and got to report that I had reached my 4th day of not gambling. The opening was like a movie scene with everyone announcing "My name is ____, I am a compulsive gambler, my last day to gamble was ____", I did not say much after my opening lines, but me telling a group of strangers my secret was a big step. It is different stating this fact and talking about it live then posting on line with time to think out what you are writing.
There were fifteen in attendance, including myself and another first timer. Seeing them all there and each talking about about the different issues relating to our compulsive behaviors reinforces the fact that we are not alone and that there is help from others that care. The thing that stood out to me most was the number of members that had achieved quite a few years of being free, with one celebrating her 14th "Birthday". It was good to see that our goal can be reached. Other established members had a lot of years in the program but with a few slips. I do not know how many years and slips the fourteen year old had been through, but the variety of situations and the continuing efforts were again encouraging.
But even with just attending the one meeting and as in reading the post here for only a few days, I realize that these repetitive reports are a must in gaining our independence from gambling. Just as in learning the alphabet and our multiplication tables where the constant repeating teaches us these basic needs, we need the constant reports of our actions to train us to chose the good option between gambling or not gambling.
Hope to attend my second meeting.
"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – No matter how long in the program, I realize that without help and strength I might have to, but hopefully not, begin a new Day Two from time to time.
Quote Post
Thursday, August 20, 2009
12:46:59 AM**
warrior
United States
Re: Day Two is Still a Day Away – Gamblers Anonymous Report
wwwoa sounds good to me.i need to go maybe. i havnt done that yet/erll see ya and one more no gambling day is good.to us
here to make it one year..and more, lets do it!!!
Quote Post
Thursday, August 20, 2009
12:01:23 PM**
colin in brum
Re: Day Two is Still a Day Away – Gamblers Anonymous Report
Hi Paul, yes I think that was one of the main things I took from my first meeting – the success stories in the room showed me that I had hope again, I could stop gambling. A couple hours a week at a meeting with, now, friends is a small price to pay for a life time in recovery. Good post.
Quote Post
Friday, August 21, 2009
9:48:09 AM**
paul315
Missouri
Day Two is Still a Day Away – Announcement to Family
Last night I told my daughter about my joining Gamblers Anonymous and my activities here on Gambling Therapy. She has know of my "attraction" to gambling for a while and I have even borrowed money from her with the explicit reason to cover some bad checks I wrote at the casino, but my announcement seamed to surprise her a little, with her saying that she did not realize that my gambling was that bad (we can hide it from many, and even ourselves, before we decide to stop the deceit). She also was extremely happy that I was doing something, leaving me to believe that she did know of or suspected my compulsion.
I have also told my brother and my sister of my problem, plus my other brother has known for awhile. They show concern but we are not close enough for me to feel any support. When I did tell my one brother he indirectly, and unintentionally, gave me more support then he, or I at the time, realized. I had also asked him for money, with the explicit reason to cover another check I wrote for gambling. When I asked, I knew that he would not give it to me so I guess I was actually seeking real help. As expected, he did not give me any money, he also did not give me any support but rather belittled me telling me how week I was. This truth helped awaken me to my dilemma and accept my compulsion and my personal responsibility to stop it.
After reading a post by paul1day, and like him, I would like to say "that my post are for me", so forgive me if I seam to carry on. This is not to say that I am not seeking your help, I read these post all the time and, again paraphrasing paul1, "graciously accept all the help I receive here" and deeply appreciate your comments that give me further insight, help and encouragement.
Thank you and bless you all.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
12:25:39 AM**
paul315
Missouri
Day Two is Still a Day Away – From Attraction to Compulsion
I started off responding to the below copied portion of a post made by colin in brum in his response to one by alexthered but it turned into more then just a response so I an posting it as part of my own Journal instead.
Originally posted by colin in brum
… i’m not sure what you mean by wanting to be "normal". If you mean you want to be able to gamble "normally" I’m afraid that’s not possible. ..
In this response Colin made to Alex what he stated hit home with me.
First, I will say that the last part of that post "I’m afraid that’s not possible" is an absolute gimme, but, my recognizing and accepting this truth also feeds my resentment to the fact that I will never again be able to enjoy the pleasure of "normal" gambling.
Every Thursday for the past four years my daughter has picked me up at a bus stop near her work for my weekly visit with her and my granddaughter. This bus stop happens to be at a casino, actually it is within the casino it’s self at the VIP drop-off area. In the past, especially during the past coupe of years while not so much during the first two, I would go in and hurriedly gamble (blow away) twenty to forty – and sometimes more – dollars during my brief twenty minuet wait. Now, since joining Gambling Therapy and Gamblers Anonymous, I sit outside the entrance and watch the wave of people going in. For the most part I see happy and cheerful people, individuals, couples and small groups going in for a evening of normal enjoyment and relaxation (I also see a few with what I imagine as tormented looks caused by a compulsive behavior). I watch these normal people partaking in a normal everyday event with resentment while thinking back when I was able to enjoy the pleasures that casinos offer to some. I think of my first gambling experience when I went to Vegas on a training seminar and the subsequent trips I took once or twice a year. The Strip and Downtown gambling area was exciting and quite enjoyable offering a relaxing and comfortable get-a-way. At that time I was able to enjoy this environment and the nearby surrounding attractions without being trapped into the marathon gambling situations and binges that took the place of my "normal" gambling. (I also recall that during my first time there that I scared a friend so much by my rapid and reckless playing on a group of slots simultaneously that she stopped seeing me afterwords – the first sign of my unhealthy attraction, addiction, and future compulsion).
This enjoyment of my controlled gambling trips lasted for quite a few years. Then the casino’s barriers that limited my experiences and restricted my addiction started to break down. There were now casinos every were. Instead of planning a trip I only had to drive a couple of hours or a few minutes, and was even within a short walking distance of a casino. During this period I was still able to curb my attraction, control my addiction and still visited the casinos for enjoyment. (I personally find that an addiction, even one to potentially harmful so-called vices such as smoking, drinking and even gambling, etc., can be controlled and remain enjoyable when done with a conscious understanding and desire to contain them.) However, as in my case and that of many of those here, an addiction can become uncontrollable for whatever the reason, be it from too much exposure or too frequent use to a life altering event or just human makeup, and turn into the poisoning compulsion that I now must live with.
So gambling for me can never again be a normal enjoyable occasion. It will always be the object of a constant battle over a once harmless and enjoyable recreational pastime that I let fester from my first innocent attraction at a training seminar into a controllable addiction, and finally into a dreadful everyday compulsion.
As I said in a prior post, "if you can’t box it in, you have to box it out"; well, I have had to box it out and I will be victorious in this war of keeping it boxed out.
Replies to this post from me will now be a continuation of my Journal.
"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – No matter how long in the program, I realize that without help and strength I might have to, but hopefully not, begin a new Day Two from time to time.
— 8/14/2009 4:18:56 PM: post edited by paul315.
— 8/15/2009 2:03:34 AM: post edited by paul315.– 9/11/2009 3:24:13 PM: post edited by paul315. -
Paul,
i’m reading a story of a man who has a gambling problem. He is broke. He is worried. He is lonely. He is afraid.
is that you Paul?
There is a lot of help here. also in GA. You can get a "buddy" on this site. You can get counselling. You can self-exclude. You won’t break a barring order. You’re a proud man Paul. it shows in your writing!
Look at today only. Can you hand over your money to a trusted friend ? (No money ? Join the club !) Can you find some activity to occupy yourself. Free of charge, you can walk in the park. Take a bike ride. Visit a neighbour or friend. Cook a meal or eat in a friend’s/family member’s house. the options are endless.
Just for TODAY, do not gamble!
all the sevens -
Hi Paul,
Well done on coming here to try to manage this evil addiction we call gambling. You have been through the wringer in the last 10 years, no wonder you are looking for an escape. I have a couple of questions i would like you to answer. Firstly, have you sought any counselling in regards to 9/11 and Katrina? It seems to me that these are major events in your life that maybe have not been dealt with.
Your family in France, are you in contact with them? It seems that you have a lot of loose ends that are playing on your mind and these are obvious triggers in reading your post. I would like to know a little more about them, have they been to the US since you arrived there, are you planning to divorce?
I know i seem nosy, but there are a lot of triggers that are popping up in my head while reading your post. Mentally, the best way we can fight the urges, is to work out what is triggering them and try to manage them in a different way. There are also many physical barriers you can put in place to help. Can you give over your finances to a trusted family member or friend? Does anyone know of your current situation? Another barrier is self exclusion. This was instrumental for me. I self excluded from every venue in my region.
Paul, there are things you can do to help deter us when we get the urge. I am 63 days clean today, something that i would never in my wildest dreams thought possible. The barriers we put up are the most important thing at the start. If you have barriers, then you can work on the rest.
Yes, we have to find the strength to get through the days when we really want to gamble, but you are not alone in this, there are so many wonderful people here to support you. We have all been there, on day 1, its not without its ups and downs, but when your head clears after a few days not gambling, you just may see things in a different light.
I wish you all the best, keep reading and posting. I find this keeps my urges at bay, it just might help you too.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
Fighting the good fight…One day at a time -
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Paul,
It may mean nothing, or everything but our thoughts are with you. Nobody said this addiction was easy but we can alter our thought process to act before we gamble instead of acting after we have gambled.
Stay strong and try and remember, gambling is not our friend, gambling is not OK to do if you are a CG, gambling will take your money and leave you broke.
Look at it this way, If whilst gambling I had won the lottery do you think that I would have stopped????? truth is, I would have got on the 1st plane to Las Vegas to celebrate my win, how sad is that, my 1st thought was not to treat my family or friends or myself but to gamble……… gamble, gamble gamble until I was either skint or sick of losing.
I kinda understand how people now say that money is the root of all evil, i dont think that winning the lottery would make happy.
Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!! -
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Hi Larry, I also stopped check cashing approvals. The local Indian Casino in town does not honor self exclusion but their check cashing vendor does honor a request to not accept checks. I don’t have a debit card either. Not being able to get cash at a casino has been a great road block. Just want your to know that I also use the ‘no checks’ trick.
Sherry -
Larry, keep it up, we dont need this in our life.
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Larry,
Im happy that you have made a commitment to not gambling. It feels good doesnt it? I agree it takes a constant reminder. When I forget the pain, I slip..and fall…HARD. Right now Im joining you, and pledging not to gamble today.
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conratulations Paul, or Larry. I love the reason why you chose Paul though, the transformation from Saul to Paul was a consciencious decision on his part to live a new life dedicated to our lord with a new name. But I also understand the desire to make it real…and be called by your real name. So Larry, here’s to you, keep it real, one day at a time! We are rooting for you! *life is good
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Hi Larry, so did you ever self-ban from Missouri Casinos? I didn’t see this in your posts but maybe you did mention it and I missed it. I was on a business trip in St. Charles a year or so ago. It was another one of those LONG nights at Ameristar. I gazed at my face in the glass of the Hee Haw machine that I had just sunk $700 into and was down to .23 cents. Two cents short of playing all lines so I played 1 line at 1 cent 23 times with a 1 minute pause between each spin. I had 25 minutes to reflect on how many lonely nights I had spent in that place over the years. I counted up in my head 10’s of thousands of dollars they took from me. I usually had enough points to have some BBQ right before that long walk to the parking garage. Tonight I didn’t have 2 nickels to rub together and a check cashed for 700 bucks that was no good. 30 minutes later I was entering the state trooper’s office in the back of Ameristar to self exclude. I waited for 40 minutes for him to come down to the casino entry and escort me down that long hall. Without a doubt, the most intense experience I’ve ever had. THEY ARE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS IN MO !!! NOT SOME CASINO STAFF EMPLOYEE FILLING OUT PAPERWORK, A STATE TROOPER RUNNING THE SHOW !!! Believe me if you decide to self ban, you will not ever set foot on any casino property in Missouri. Each Casino sends you a certified letter alerting you that you are now in their system for survelliance and tells you in very specific terms what will happen. That whole trespassing conversation, is not just a warning; they mean it. You ban at 1 casino and the state bans you from every casino in the state AND any affiliate casino across state lines. You win a Jackpot in Vegas and they own a casino in MO, you don’t get paid in Vegas and they kick you out immediately. Anyway, good to see you on the site and hoping you keep the chin up and the wallet in your back pocket. Take Care! Frozen
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Hi Paul,
Thanks for posting on my thread and more importantly well done on your 40 gamble free days, that is a great achievement and 41 days ago you would have given your right arm to have that amount of time under your belt.
Keep doing what your doing and I hope that you continue to get stronger and stronger,always watch your back because you know the gambling demon is always waiting for a moment of weakness, complacency is your biggest enemy now.
Cheers for now.
CarlMy soul is back -
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hi larry ur oing brilliant mate 1 month and a half ur right about self exclusion thats how i feel if i want to gamble i will find some were to do it so i need to no y ime doing it ,and my reason is i dont want to be the person i had become anymore careing more about playing online than my family, borrowing money i couldnt pay bac selling things that wernt mine i had started to despise myself now 4 the last 4 days i can look myself in the mirror and actualy like the person i see ive never felt better in years mate i hope u feel like me because its gonna be worth it we no that i lost my partner to but we have toaccept theres gonna be cosequences for our actions to me its just about not repeating them hope ur well mate take care god blessjohnalways look on the bright side
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Hi Larry: Thanks so much for your inspirational post on my thread. You are a wonderful and giving spirit … I appreciate your support.
I need to read back on your thread a bit to see how things are progressing for you in your life. I hope all is well … I’m sure that like me, you’re starting to enjoy life as it is meant to be enjoyed. Isn’t this whole process an epiphany??? While I hate what I have done to myself by gambling, I love this new awareness that the recovery process has brought to me. Life is so much richer … I seem to be laughing more at the silly things, like my dog’s obsession with swimming and waves … and how he is so often side-swiped by them. I pause more often to bring myself into the present and become aware of the warmth of the sun on my shoulders, the sound of my kids’ laughter as they watch their shows, brief hugs from my husband as he passes.
Of course life is not perfect, but isn’t it lovely to enjoy the perfect moments … instead of being anesthetized by lights, bell and whistles.
Day 62 for me, and today, I will not gamble. I wish the same for you.
All the best.
RGThis moment is all we really have. Be happy in it. -
Larry keep up the good work.
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hey larry, hope your doing ok, not great of course that will take time I read your posts and you were really on track taking action etc. you are not alone all you need to do is get on this site to know that. stay in touch and keep trying no matter what day this is ok don’t try to be superman though just take baby steps avoid setting yourself up for failure and in the beginning keep busy work alot excersise alot sleep alot eat well and the rest will start to fall into place. G
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Hi Larry,
Wow, you have an amazing memory and a great way of telling a story, if only there was a fairytale ending?
Firstly, well done on your 48 days, that is a fantastic effort. As for your family, im so sorry things have turned out the way they have, i went off the rails when my father died when i was 16, and must agree that if only counselling was sought, things may have been very different, but alas, they are not.
Things happen in our lives for a reason, well, thats my belief. I also believe that something good comes from something bad, i have learnt that the hard way in the past few months. I remember September 11, its my birthday, so its hard to forget, but i remember my husband running in the room screaming that America had been bombed. I cried for hours, thinking that the end of the world was nigh.
No, i was not being nosy, i do have genuine concern for each and every person here, and im so pleased you were able to write your story. Regardless of what is happening, i take a little of each and every post i recieve and read here and it becomes a part of my recovery, so i will thank you for sharing your life. I have to say though, i am thinking of your daughter and her little beanie baby, that bought tears to my eyes.
I hope you get the opportunity to one day tell her your story, she may not understand, but she may gain some insight into her daddy, from what im reading here, you will be able to explain in a way she will understand. Im sure she holds some secret special memories of you underneath her hurt.
Take care Larry, thank you for replying, if nothing else it may be a small weight off your shoulders to get it out and you may feel a little lighter today. As for me, im still fighting the good fight, trying to live every day as best i can, and the simple fact im not gambling makes each day better than the one before. We all have our own crosses to bear, but isnt it nice to be able to come here, be accepted for us, understood and supported. Im certainly sending you all those things.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time -
Hi there
Just wanted to pop in and say thank you SO much for your thoughts for me. I was looking on Veras post wondering if she was coming back and i saw your message. I bawled my eyes out. Thank you so much for remembering me and your encouragement. I am struggling so badly with my emotions right now and reading your words really really helped me so thank you. You are doing great by the way keep going.
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Larry,
I am new to this site and posting – although not new to CG as I have been a CG for 5 years. Your story was gut-wrenching. I know that you said that you left your wife and daughter "for them"…how has their life been better because you are not in it? Because you believe you would have destroyed them with your gambling? Or because you believe being an American would have hurt them more than not having a husband and father. I am just curious – trying to figure that out. I am always intrigued by the thought process of people who are CG like me. As I look back over my own life and the choices I have made myself – I often wonder if they were truly motivated by me trying to help or protect someone I loved – or if they were truly motivated out of a sense of guilt, self-loathing, craving for my insane desire to gamble, or flight. People often talk about that "flight or fight" phenomenom whereby in high stress most people choose to either flght or flight. Fight, as in conflict or fighting to keep something together is so much harder than flight. Flight is the easy road in the beginning, but ultimately comes back to haunt us all the more.
Example:
My gambling had gotten so bad that I was threatening suicide, stealing regularly, depleting my families savings, lying constantly, rarely putting in a 40 hour week at work, disappearing regularly, picking fights with my husband so I could go gamble and on and on and on. The noose was tightening around my neck…people were confronting me and my behaviour was seen as very odd by my co workers – I believe I was going to be fired. And then something happened – I was offered a position a couple of states away. It meant uprooting my husband and leaving all of our family including my son and his new wife. We are 5 hours away – but it seems like 5 continents away. I thought I would get a new start – but all that has happened is I just travel farther to get the rush of gambling. I don’t go everyday like I was before – but I go as often as I can and I still lie and I still steal and my family is far away from me. I told myself that my move was helping my family as I would not be close to a casino and I fessed up to taking the savings to my husband etc. I thought it would be a new start – but all it has been so far is more deceit and lies.
In hindsight – I believe what would have been best for me was to find a site like this – begin attending meetings and tough it out instead of leaving my family. It’s never too late to right a wrong – and although your situation is different than mine – I wonder if perhaps the motivations weren’t the same…..
I miss my family too – so much.
Thanks for letting me rant on a Sat. morning and bless you in your recovery. I am two days clean….
Bloom where you are planted. -
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Hi Larry: Thanks for your post to me over the weekend. It was a busy one, filled with activities for my boys (birthday party, movie with their friends, homework, etc). Throw in my usual litany of laundry, grocery shopping and cleaning and you have one fast-paced, blur of a weekend. Anyway, hope you enjoyed yours and that all is well on your side.
Thanks for your wishes on Day 70. I look forward to the next 70 with the hope that it will be somewhat easier than the first. I’ve been surprised that the last 10 have been as difficult as the first 10. But as Nancy says: If it is to be, it is up to me. Trite, but so very true.
All the best for a wonderful week ahead doing happy, healthy things that you enjoy.
RGThis moment is all we really have. Be happy in it. -
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thanks Larry,
You have come such a long way!
all the sevens -
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Hi Larry,
Well done on passing the two month mark. The Key to Recovery is a thoughtul idea. Never heard of it before.
Thanks for posting to my thread. As Harry rightly pointed out on ZigZag’s thread,anxiety about debt, has a negative effect on REAL recovery.
If my debt was wiped out I feel, I’d be free. It is soul-destroying to have my salary passing through my account into repayments. On the otherhand, if it were still passing through my account to slot machines, it would be so much worse.
I’ve been thinking of the positives!
1.I have a well paid job.
2 I never missed a payment because of the "standing order" set up with the bank.
3. Every month (when I don’t gamble), my payments are one less. The loans are based on a 60 month period.
The negatives are,
1. My repayments are too high.
2.The government levies are increasing, so working overtime is no longer a solution.
3. The stress of owing money is driving me crazy.
As you say, directing my anger towards gambling is better than blaming myself or the banks.
I will have to try another route to consolidate though, even if it takes longer to repay. The credit union are considering my application but want me to build my shares up to 12 grand! Not a hope!
I found a Mortgage company that will allow us to re mortgage but, since my husband was the one to pay off every penny of our mortgage by hard work, I feel it would be very unfair of meto ask him to give up his mortgage free status.
He really does not see gambling as an illness and cannot understand how anyone in their right mind would put money into a machine and expect to get it back again.
He goes crazy over the credit card debt and says " so what" that I am paying almost all my salary. " You can’t have your cake and eat it " is his attitude, so "pay up and shut up"!
I do blame him partly for my dilemma because I begged him about 4 years ago to help me quit. I went to GA and asked him to go to GAM ANON but he said it was my problem, not his. I begged him to hold my ATM card. He "forgot" and gave it back. I asked him to come for walks, meals, cinema , short holidays etc, but he did so with such derision that the lack of enjoyment would drive a miser to gambling.I think he prefers me to gamble!
So, until I get my finances sorted, I will continue with a " stinted" form of recovery!
Better than gambling all the same!
all the sevens -
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Thanks for your post Larry.
It’s so easy to gamble one’s life away!
Will we ever discover what we have been trying to escape from?
I’m so sorry that you have to deal with the trauma of divorce. i couldn’t even bear to think of that.
Although my husband is distant and non-communicative, he is , as you say , THERE!
That means a lot!
I often wonder does he prefer me to be here or in the casino!
He has never given me a straight answer to that question!
all the sevens -
Hey Larry
Thanks so much for remembering me. I really feel like there is hope for me when there are people like you who are offering support while going through this yourself. I am so grateful. You have really encouraged me. It makes me feel ike i am not alone so thank you
P -
good job Larry and well done for sure. You sound strong and that’s really something considering what you are facing at the moment. That’s encouraging for sure thanks G
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Thanks for the reminder Larry!
I’m keeping my cents (and my euro ). Not hard tonight, but when I see crisp notes, straight from the ATM, I think, " These would slide perfectly into a slot machine"..
but they won’t !
I’m sticking to my guns!
all the sevens -
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Hey Larry,
Thanks again for posting on my thread yesterday – it meant a lot.
I’m really sorry to learn that you’re not able to go to your friends’ wedding, but I applaud your logic for not going: leaving yourself too tight on money for so long would have been a terrible strain on your morale.
Besides, I’m sure your friends would hate to have played some part of jeopardising you recovery (however unwittingly!).
I think you’ve made a wise – and tough – choice, so well done!
All my best to you Larry,
Shakey. -
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Hiya Larry,
Your honesty and openess about this addiction and your dealings with it makes for a very interesting read, i do really enjoy it. I think we all have our own way to deal with compulsive gambling and i for one believe that whatever works…do it. We are all different, and have our own ways of coping, i for one, do not attend GA, not because i am embaressed, i have been to several meetings but have found that the GA way is not for me. I really admire people, one being my sister, who live by the 12 steps and i have seen it work with my own eyes. Personally, for me, it is not something i have delved into, i am making my own way, as are you.
I think we all benefit from each other here, i dont think i would have ever self excluded if not for this site, i hadnt thought too much about it before coming here, although i did attend gambling counselling a few years ago and when it was mentioned i freaked out. Not ready? I think so.
I am glad you have spilled your ‘secrets’. I dont think you should feel the need to withhold anything here, i take what i need from each post and move on. You are moving forward Larry, and if you can go into a casino without gambling, well, more power to you. I know i could not do that, but then, i am not you! I have had your feeling of doing this too easily, but in reality i think it shows the readiness to change, the willingness to accept what we are and deal with it. I know for me i had simply had enough and i was more than ready to give gambling the flick. Take me back 2 years ago and there would be no way. In saying that, my guard is constantly up, and i like it that way. Im not going back, and from reading your posts, neither are you. Well done.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
Life is about falling….living is about getting up! -
Hey Larry hows things? Thank you for your posts to me, even though i am still in the whirlwind i know one day i will get out, you are doing great. Good on you for your perserverance. Your posts really do give me some upliftment sometimes
P -
Thought of you during the week Larry! Will post again when I recover from my week of nights! Officially we don’t finish til Monday morning but I was owed one from one of the guys and he’s doing tonight. Great barrier from gambling WORK/BED/BED/WORK!!!!all the sevens
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Hey Larry just popping in to say hi and congratulations on such a success. You are going great! Keep it up it is inspiring to see. im only at day 8 but feeling great
P -
Well done Larry, 90 days is wonderful, keep up the good work.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up! -
You really have done great Paul. It’s not easy but it’s worth all the effort. Any plans for Christmas or is it too far away?all the sevens
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paul your right be happy for the moment your in because time passes quickly relish the the simple everyday things we take for granted and youll life we be filled with riches beyond your beleifs
flowers -
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we were all on a road to destruction but we all can find the path on the side of that road that will lead us to the right road to sanity , happiness & inner peace
flowers -
Good evening Larry,
I have finally had the chance to stop by and read most of your thread. To thank-you in person so to speak for you unwavering support, considerate comments and inspirational thoughts. Congratulations on your 90 days, you have worked hard to be where you are and so deserving. And so I will quote your earlier quote "…And so my weary gambler friend, please take this hand that I extend. Take one more chance on something new, Another gambler helping you",
Thank-you Larry, from the bottom of my heart, for extending your hand to this weary gambler. Thank-you for the honesty with which you post.
I feel the same as Kathryn, that we each must find our own way, our own path, but the guidance and information provided by all our friends here at GT can help give us the tools to navigate our own way. I am glad that you share your true thoughts with us all. Your kind nature shines through in your posts on my thread. I’m am truly grateful to have met Larry.
May your sleep be restful tonight Larry. I am thinking of you.
Laura -
Larry, I dropped by to catch up on your thread, but my son is calling for his laptop to do some college work, so I’ll have to wait until tomorrow! I’ll look forward to that! ‘Bye for now!
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Hi Larry,
Thanks for your post. $100 for 1 tooth! That is ludicrious. My boys get $2. I once gave my 10yo $5, if you had seen the way the tooth came out he deserved it! I used to get 20c for a tooth, but back then you could get candy 5 for 1c. Thats a lot of candy!!! I still dont know what happened to the tooth, i hope no one had a drink out of that glass!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up! -
Hi Larry
I wanted to stop in and say hi and thank you for your posts. It’s funny every time i really need a post there seems to be one that appears. It is just wonderful. You are doing so well on this journey. I think we were going to start out around the same time but i slipped up a few times. This time i am doing better. It has been since the 6th November for me. I know i can make it and especially thanks to support on here. You have been part of that thanks so much
p -
Hi Larry found your thread. Congratulations on your success and your wonderful post, I have only read a few because it’s 12.30 in the morning, will read all in the next couple of days. your posts are inspirational to all of us here. Good on you.
Dianne -
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Thank you Larry for your words of widom on my thread. They are much appreciated. You showed me that I can still offer encouragement even when I thought I had nothing to give…….NancyThere is magic all around us. All we need do is stop and take notice. There is no charge for admission. You don’t need any special equipment. The good Lord provides us with this incredible spectacle each day. All we have to do is show up for it…….
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Congratulations Larry on reaching this mile stone ODAAT.
So glad that I have found GT and have met such woderful caring people with which to share our journeys of recovery.
May you have a happy gamble free day.
laura -
Hey Larry
You are doing soooooooo well! Good on you, you are very inspirational. I love some of the stuff you write. You know what i loved in your post was a line about scheming and reasoning that we do when we gamble i had to laugh at that though it is not funny but i can look at my mind going through all the reasoning i did, and the excuses i would find and the slips. Thank you so much for posting to me at times too, you really have helped with your words of encouragement
Thank you thank you
P -
Hi Larry: Heartiest congratulations on your four months of gamble-free time. Or should I say four months of really living? It is a wonderful achievement.
Thank you for your post on my thread … I enjoy your thoughts and discoveries. I honestly had not thought of the point of no return in the context that you shared. But you’re right, there is a positive point of no return as well … one I may have reached in what seems like an endless journey.
Last Monday, when I felt like a spectacular failure, I had a moment of acceptance. Acceptance that this is my journey and acceptance that it is my willfulness that has made my journey so hard. So, now I go forward knowing that every decision I make has an impact on this journey. I choose daily whether it will be a good experience or a bad one. I got a great deal from your post a few days ago about patience with the one day at a time process. It is so very true. It’s the immature, need for immediate gratification of this compulsion that makes us so impatient for change. So, now I will try to slow down, to be grateful for each, single day that I don’t gamble.
My husband and I just had another argument about money. This has been going on for a few years. Gambling is not the cause of our financial stresses … being entrepreneurs is a risky proposition, especially these days. But had I not gambled (actually had WE not gambled), the stress would have been that much less.
One thing I have only recently acknowledged is that gambling is certainly not enjoyment for me. It is sickening and stressful and soul destroying. I hope never to forget that in the frenzy of urges.
Keep going on path … you’ve certainly turned out to be a great leader on this forum.
All the best.
RG This moment is all we really have. Be happy in it. -
Hi Larry
Thank you for your post. I am posting like mad these days to keep me afloat but nonetheless i am floating. Away from that destructive gambling demon. Your posts make me think and are really inspirational. You have done marvellously well on your 4 months i can see your progress too. Going from slips to a steady day by day flow of life. Im joining in too, i dont want any slips (i understand they can happen) but i dont want any. On with the flow Larry thank you for being there
P -
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Larry: My thoughts are with you tonight as you grieve the loss of a beloved brother. There is a special bond between brothers that I will not pretend to understand. Just know that I am thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers.
What a wonderful legacy your brother has left you (and inadvertently all of us at GT). Besides all the love and childhood memories you share, he has given you the hope that this terrible affliction can be overcome. Thank you for sharing this with us … it has given me renewed strength tonight.
God bless him, his family and give you strength and courage in the coming days.
Love and hugs.
RGThis moment is all we really have. Be happy in it. -
Good morning Larry
I join you this morning in a cuppa! I am sorry to hear of your loss. We are all with you Larry
P -
Hey Larry
Hows it going was thinking of you with yet another cuppa in hand ready to hit the shops in a minute when finished. How are you going? I love all your posts. You were very supportive with me from the start and i appreciate it, thank you. I hope you have a good christmas Larry. Isnt it great to have a gamble free christmas. What a relief. My thoughts are with you at this time
P
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Hi Larry,
Firstly im sorry for the loss of your brother, rejoice his life, he obviously bought a lot of joy to a lot of people. I wish him God speed.
Secondly, i wanted to explain about my description of my job being ‘boring’. Truly, that could not be further from the truth, but in comparison to lying on a beach with my bikini on (yeah right!!) it seemed a little on the boring side. You are an amazing contributor to this forum Larry, we are very fortunate to have you and your wisdom here.
Lastly, i want to wish you a Merry Christmas. It is usually a time of reflection for me, and every year my reflection has been pretty bad..until now. Take care, have a lovely day and make sure you toast your brother, his tough love has bought you to us, and i think we should all be thankful for him.
My thoughts are with you,
Bye for now, Kathryn xxxLife is about falling….living is about getting up! -
Hi Larry: Thanks for the wishes and I wish you and yours the very best the Xmas season has to offer. Here’s looking forward to a new year filled with health, joy and prosperity.
All the best.
RGThis moment is all we really have. Be happy in it. -
Hi Larry,
I stopped by wish you a Merry Christmas and catch up on your thread. I have just read about your brother’s passing and am so sorry to hear of this. God bless you and the rest of his family at this difficult time. I think others have said it all, but I will repeat some of it because it bears repeating. Thankfully your brother’s tough love helped you steer your course. And thankfully that course brought you here. We all benefit greatly from your presence and participation in this forum. It is wondeful that you too find benefit from being here. Your support has been such a comfort to me, and I’m sure many others. I am happy that you are succeeding one day at a time.
I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and hope you have a holiday season filled with peace and joy. All the best to you and yours.
Take care,
Laura -
Hi Larry
You do not have to ask for forgiveness from the F&F branch of this community. I believe that one of the most important lessons we need to learn to move forward is that out loved one has an illness, an illness that is unasked for and unwanted – as much for you as for us.
We vent our anger and frustration because it is important to relieve ourselves because like you we have found a site where we are understood possibly for the first time.
I am indeed sorry that you have lost your loved ones and I am glad that you are able to speak to them. I hear your pain for the death of your brother. I hope you were able to show him that you had committed you life to being gamble-free before he died and that you were friends.
Please don’t beat yourself up unnecessarily. I cannot speak for all but I know that for me the determination for you to live in control of your addiction is a success story that I want to hear. I don’t need to hear what went before – it is enough that you are standing where you are today.
I wish you a Christmas that you will be pleased to remember and a peace in your heart and mind.
Thank you for you good wishes and for popping in the F&F where you will always be welcome.
With Love
Velvet xxx
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Just wanted to stop by and offer my condolences for the loss of your brother. It is especially hard to lose love ones during the holiday season. That you so much for taking the time to post on my thread. You do offer such good advise and encouragement to everyone here. Thank you. I am wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas…….Nancy***An addiction is what it is. It is a hard thing, to face up to an addiction. It can take over your life. Make you do things you wouldn’t do otherwise.***
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Hi Larry, my condolensces on the loss of your brotehr. Stay strong in your own recovery. Keep posting
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Larry, I was checking in to say Happy Christmas and just discovered that your beloved brother has died . MAY HIS ETERNAL SOUL REST IN PEACE. Hope you get through Christmas and cope with your loss in a gamble-free way. My sister died in June RIP. The first Christmas without her presents under the tree. She lived in the UK and took great joy in selecting appropriate gifts for everyone and wrapping them in a beautiful way. She was an artist… Life goes on!
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Hey Larry
How you doing??? Thank you for posting to me again, your words brought a little tear to my eye but a happy tear. Thanks Larry for being here
P -
Hi Larry,
thinking of you as I sit here with a cup of coffee in hand this morning. GT is now part of my morning ritual. On work days it may only be for a few minutes, spend reading or in group chat, but it has become my second home. So glad you are part of my GT family. How did it go over Christmas? When I see your daily pledge I know all is well. Take care Larry. You are in my thoughts.
Laura -
Dear Larry:
I am thinking and praying about you my friend. You give yourself to all of us unselfhishly. I am glad you are my friend. I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like God passed a lot of love and good to you through your brother. He does the same through you now, to us.
Thank you,
Cully21 -
Hiya Larry,
I just wanted to tell you that i think your post to Vera was one of the most beautiful, touching things i have ever read. You certainly bought a tear to my eye, you have a wonderful way with words.
Take care, bye for now Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up! -
sorry for your loss please keep posting stay strongim sending you some flowers in hope to brighten up your day a little
flowers -
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Hi Larry! Calenders aside, I want to wish you all the g-free best for 2010! I hope and pray the turn of the year and the new decade will bring new life, new hope, new love to all our lives. We have invested too much time in „false God’s” so when we face that truth we will be free!……You have been a wonderful support to me Larry. You are always tuned in and ready to give your time and thoughts. For that, I want to say a big THANK YOU. Your generosity has not gone unnoticed! I don’t get enough time to read and post to others’ threads. My laptop never connected to the internet since I had it repaired and I keep saying I ll go back to the shop but never have time! I borrow my son’s Mac, I cant even make paragraphs on it but at least he is not saying „hurry up” now as he needs it less when he is on holiday from college…I’m looking back and thinking of all the things gambling has taken away from me, but it’s better not to dwell on it too much, so here’s to a gamble free future for all of us!…….God bless!……
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Hi Larry, Happy New Year.. I ditto everything Vera wrote… My aim is to try harder then ever this year to stay gamble free…..Nancy***An addiction is what it is. It is a hard thing, to face up to an addiction. It can take over your life. Make you do things you wouldn’t do otherwise.***
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Larry – thank you for your kind words on my thread. Yes, we both post quite a bit, but have never posted to one another! Your entries are always thoughtful and thought-provoking. You do much to assist the newer members. I hope you have a wonderful New Year’s Eve….I think this is the first one in many that I won’t be at the casino and thank God for that! Take care, may 2010 bring you continued success in your recovery.
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Hey Larry
Happy new year to you. Thank you for your support in 2009. I raise my morning cuppa to you and say Larry, lets have a fantastic happy healthy and gamble free 2010. All the best to you, you really are helping others along this path, including me. Thank you for being here Larry i hope to see you again soon
p -
Hi Larry … Happy New Year. You have done an amazing job since you started back in August … proving that taking recovery one day at a time really works. I think your strategy of making a new pledge every day is an excellent one too. As time passes, it’s too easy to forget the devastation that gambling causes for cgs. So, I too am going to make a daily pledge to enjoy each day to the fullest … gamble-free!!
I find that as I adopt a more mindful, one day at a time (actually, one moment at a time) approach, I’ve lost the urge to count. It simply has lost its importance. That’s a big thing for me. There are still occasions where I panic and think what if I can’t keep this up … but I’m trying to snap out of that thinking and unnecessary panic and just take care of now.
Thank you Larry, for all your support in 2009. I am honoured to share this journey with you.
Hugs.
RGThis moment is all we really have. Be happy in it. -
Hi Larry,
Wishing you every happiness in 2010. Your wise words on every thread i read jump out at me and make me truly think, which in itself is amazing. I have taken something out of every post you have written and i am very thankful that you are here. Thank you Larry, for the time you take to really share your thoughts, you are a wonderful member of our community.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up! -
happy new year paul congrats on your gamble free time be proud
flowers -
Hi Larry
2010 is here!!! here is to a wonderful gamble free, happy,healthy one. How are you doing? Thanks for your inspiration
P -
Hi larry,
Just read your post on VPI’S thread, very interesting i will be writing it down.( It makes alot of sense)
Cheers
Mickybeneath the ashes fires rage -
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((((((clap, clap, clap))))) you hear that Larry, Saul & Paul ? You deserve evry ounce of how proud I am of you. Five months is a HUGE milestone.
I’ve read other members replies about you and it’s evident to me you r very loved and cared for by many on GT.After reading your post tonite I can see why members have a special place for you. Here you are to celebrate 5 months and with humility asking us to keep Justin in our thoughts and prayers? I will do that and put my daily pledge on his site.
Take a bow, (for me?) thank God for His grace and continue on in victory as a RCG.
VAB45"I’ve got to UNCOVER my emotions to RECOVER my character" -
Good morning Larry
I stopped by as I was thinking of you while I have my morning coffee. Still enjoying coffee from your favourite mug? I hadn’t been to the daily pledge page for a week or so as I was always on at night. Thank-you for continuing the pledge, keeping it as a reminder for all of us that to deal with compulsive gambling we must do it one day at a time. I too think of Justin and wonder how he is doing. I hope he is well and will come back some day to let us know how he is doing.
A GREAT BIG CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 months is excellent and I’m sure in some ways it feels a lifetime since you led the life of an active CG. And as you know that life is only one bet away.
Your kindness and thoughtful posts are so much appreciated as you have been told many many times lol. This community is so much richer for your presence.
Take care Larry and enjoy the simple pleasure of your morning coffee on this milestone day.
Laura -
Larry,
Awesome! Five months is quite a milestone. This is such positive encouragement to us newbee’s. It shows that it can be done. Thanks for your great comments and support as well. I love the take my hand post. Keep staying strong!You can do anything if you put your mind to it!Best Wishes to You All – DD -
Good morning Larry
Hope all is well. I usually log on to see your first posts of the day already made. Just wanted to stop by for a coffee.
take care,
Laura -
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Hi Larry: Thanks for the lovely post on my thread. What a lovely man you are! The victims of the Haiti earthquake are in my thoughts and prayers too. I watched the news coverage the past few days with horrid fascination. It is incredible to see the strength of the human spirit though. Without food and water, and with all their earthly possessions gone, the Haitians are reaching inward and finding solace in prayer and song. How do you manage even a semblance of normalcy in such devastating circumstances?
It also brings my "problems" sharply into perspective. You are so right when you say that I should find happiness in even my tough moments. Those people in Haiti would give their souls to have my "problems", I’m sure. It also makes me SO, SO very happy to be living in Canada. I have never known hunger, the discomfort of living without heat, air conditioning or electricity, the discomfort of being without transportation or health care. I am truly blessed. And while I have very little in the bank and am up to my eyeballs in debt, I feel like one of the wealthiest people in the world right now.
Larry, you have done incredibly well on this journey, and I am so proud to be taking it with you. Your posts bring so much wisdom and joy … and so today, I wish you joy.
How lovely that you get to spend regular quality time with your granddaughter. Every moment you spend with her shapes who she is and I’m sure she will remember you with great love for all her life.
Hugs.
RGThis moment is all we really have. Be happy in it. -
Hey Larry
Just wanted to say hi and thank you for always putting out your hand to me when i need it. I have been away i am having a good time with my son but i am missign the forum sometimes too. I hope you are going well and by the sounds of it you are. Thank you Larry for being there for me. Sending you happy thoughts
P -
Hi Larry,
just stopping in to say good evening. I agree with P. Thank-you for being there. I’m glad you have found a sense of peace.
Laura -
Hi again Larry
Just thinking of all my little friends across the world tonight. Im having an odd moment even though i am away with my boy. I have time now to post i am so thrilled for that
P -
Hey larry
Whats happening, just saying hi again, tried to dig out your post so you can go the front of the line again, i think you deserve to be there because you are such an inspiration to others and you are always there supporting everyone so up you go to the front of the line again hope to see you post again soon
P -
Hi Larry!…i’ve spent the last couple of days trying to find your thread! And hey presto! P has already, not only found it , but said the same thing I wanted to say! I can’t believe it. well, I can really , because it’s so true and so obvious and about time that you got recognition for all the support you give to everyone on this thread. You are always, patient , polite and tolerant. Some day, I’m going to treat myself to a good read of all you have written. I never seem to get enough time but it’s on the agenda. You are always in my thoughts and prayers and for some reason, I feel the name Paul suits you better….God bless for now!..all the sevens
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Hi Larry,
Thanks so much for your well thought out posts. I always appreciate them. I hope all is going well with you! Have a great weekend!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! If life’s not always fair, just remember, it may just be life!Have a great day! – DD -
hi paul..glad your still here chuggin along.im trying.im fine when im broke,but get a few bucks in my hands and bamo i get the thought of gambling.hang in here.take carehere to make it one year..and more, lets do it!!!
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Hi Larry: Just thought I’d jump on quickly in my harried day to say CONGRATULATIONS in advance for your six month anniversary tomorrow. Wow … I remember when you joined in August, 2009. Since then, you have made such an impact on this site with your deep wisdom. You have made me smile often, and I thank you for those gifts.
I agree with Tony (timeflies) too … life is wonderful without gambling. It certainly isn’t easy … it’s not a bag of laughs every minute … but it is wonderful to be connected to the real world again. This weekend is a long weekend for me, so I’ll be spending it with family (I am SO looking forward to it).
Hope you have a lovely weekend too. Do something nice for yourself.
All the best,
RG
This moment is all we really have. Be happy in it. -
Larry ( Paul)! I’ve been waiting for your 6 month mark to send my heartfelt CONGRATULATIONS ! I’m posting in advance of THE big DAY (like RG), because I won’t be awake early tomorrow morning and I don’t want my wishes to be late! I wish you lived near so that I could cook you a lovely steak to celebrate…nobody deserves recovery more than you. You’ve put so much of your time into this site that you deserve nothing but the very best….God bless and protect you every day in your continued attempts to overcome this addiction. You are an inspiration!……..all the sevens
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Hi Larry, many congratulations on going 6 months and thankyou for your posts on my thread. Best wishes and keep up the good work my friend. Tony
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Hi Larry,
I just wanted to add my congratulations for your six months gamble-free.
You’re an inspiration and wonderful member of our community who’s always supportive, constructive and positive.
I wish you continued strength and peace of mind for the future – well done!
All my best as ever,
S. -
Hi Larry, congratulations on your six months, that is wonderful.One day at a time adds up,well done!
Have a fantastic day!
Ltlasiahopeful -
Wow Larry
Six months!!! congratulations on changing your life! and what a change it is hey! Good on you Larry, that first step has now led to six months. Be proud of yourself Larry this is a tough tough thing and we are all in it together. Thanks for being here
p -
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Hi Larry,
Salina here. I just read your post. I am impressed that you have made it 6 months. I enjoyed how you broke it down for us so we could see how each month brought you to where you are today. Thanks for sharing as it does help knowing that a day will turn into 2 days and then eventually a month or six. It is definusy atley encouraging.
It is friday night late..I just got home from a very long day and night. Work then held a fundraisier for the music program, a busy night with bingo, food and cake auction. I was in charge of this whole thing and busted my ass so the music program at the elementary school will be able to continue. We made over $1000 dollars this evening. And I am responsible for that happening.. It feels good to know that I did this and more importantly how hard I have worked this last few weeks to make it happen. It seems like so much money to me but if I was sitting in front of a slot machine, well it wouldnt be enough!
I have the next 10 days off and sunday is in 2 days. As of now, I dont feel like gamblin Im actually to tired to do anything but sunday is a day or two away…
thanks for your post i will try to make group in the next couple of days
Pat yourself on the back and please keep us posted it is an ispiration for us allthis to shall pass -
Hi Larry,
A belated well done on you 6 months or 183 days or 15,811,200 seconds, whatever way you say it, it is a truly remarkable achievement and you should be very proud of what you have achieved.
Like Salina I very much liked the way you have broke you recovery into different stages, I think its important to understand that recovery has its up and downs and you go through a whole range of emotions, particularly in the early months. Hopefully from here you can keep going onwards and upwards and before you know it you will have a year behind you, of course one day at a time though ;o)
Anyway Larry keep up the good work, stay strong and always watch your back.Cheers
CarlMy soul is back -
Larry,
Excellent! This is so great to hear. You should truly be proud of yourself. I appreciate your great words of wisdom and thoughtful support you have given to me and all of the others here. Thanks for everything and many kudos on your great accomplishments!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! If life’s not always fair, just remember, it may just be life!Have a great day! – DD -
Hi Larry,
Believing in God or any higher power you believe in is the most important thing we need in order to live a better life.The first time we admitted we were powerless over gambling and our life was unmanageable, and came to belief that greatest than ourselves could restore us to a normal way of thing and living,we already surrender to God.
I am so glad that you are doing very well in your recovery and I could see also that you are working on your steps.
Keep up the good work and many blessing and miracles will be reveal to you. This is just the beginning,many more to come.I am so happy for you.
Principles before personality.
Ltlasiahopeful -
Hi Larry,
I understand you are going to be gone. Going to New Orleans? wow that sounds like fun. we will miss your posts here and your positive outlook drop us a line and let us know how things are.
As for me, I am hanging in there today is sunday and i am not going anywhere!
I will try to make group this week. Look forward to hearing how your trip goes.this to shall pass -
Hi Larry
You have done so well six months is amazing! Long way from those horrible days of destruction hey, but I know we can never become complacent. Have been having some thoughts lately but squashed them now thankfully. Have fun at your MG Larry! Woohooo, no gambling lets celebrate!
P -
Hi Larry
I hope you had a good time at the MG. Are you home yet? I hope you had an amazing time. I guess it would be different without your friend you usually go with. But lots has changed hasnt it in your life. So many changes over this past six months that i am sure you are strong enough to handle what comes your way. You have done so well Larry. I am waiting to see another post to see what happened. I loved how you broke down your months in explanation. Six months is awesome! You are a valued member here of this community Larry.
P -
Hi Larry,
I was stopping by to say that we miss you and your ever insightful words of wisdom. And then I see that I missed your 6 month anniversary. Well done Larry to say the least. I see a man that has made great changes in his life and your example provides hope to all of us. I hope that you are having a great time in New Orleans, living the life you have worked so hard for. Take care Larry, you are truly missed.
Laura -
Where are you Larry? Are you ok? I hope you are having a good time wherever you are, are you still in New orleans? Come back and lets know how you are going, we miss you here.
p -
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Hiya Larry,
Im sure you had an even better time for not gambling, well done, you are amazing!!
Take care, bye for now, kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are. -
Hi Larry,
I hope you enjoy your little vacation,good to see you,
Progress not perfection,
principles before personality!
ltlasiahopeful -
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Hiya Larry,
Im glad you had a good time, it sounded fantastic! I just wanted to say to you, we do have a lot to be thankful for, life is good dont you think? Each day without gambling makes me a little stronger, and coming here keeps my resolve sound. Im glad you are on this journey with me Larry, it wouldnt be the same without you!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are. -
Hi Larry
I loved your post. Describing you being amongst places where you could have gambled but you didnt! Way to go Larry. You really are doing a wonderful job of your recovery. I admire how far you have come and your strength in situations. Im coming along ok too but i have had some massive urges recently but they seem to have faded off into the distance as i write this today. One day at a time certainly changes lives. Thanks for being part of my journey too Larry
P -
Hi Larry,
sorry I missed you for coffee this morning. Your trip sounded lovely and it is good to see you enjoying real life. Funny how our transformation on the inside shines through to the outside. Have a lovely day Larry, God bless.
Laura -
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I think it is great that you could be so close to those machines physically and not near them mentally. You have shown us that it is possible to have fun that does not including gambling. You have come very far in just a short period of time. And you are alway so ready and willing to jump in and help others here. Thank you Larry ….All is well….Nancy
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Well done on seven months Larry! You sure earned your „badge of honour”! It’s no boast to say „I’m a compulsive gambler”, but making that humble and honest admission leads us to an alternative place where we can be free of all the chaos gambling creates, a place of peace and freedom and we will only get there one day at a time!……all the sevens
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Hi Larry,
first of all, congratulations on your seven month mile stone! You most definitely have earned your badge of honour and can wear it with pride.
Secondly, it pains me that you feel you have stepped across the line. Not sure if you mean that you said some insensitive remarks to a fellow CG or did something to bring the GA name under fire. Either way, knowing the kind caring person that you are neither would have been intentional. You have only ever tried to be a help to members here, wether with kindness, support or tough love.
I hope that you will not beat yourself up over this and have forgiven yourself whatever transgression you feel you have made. The world is a much better place for having the RCG Larry as part of it.
Have a good weekend Larry and hope to see you around on chat.
Take care,
Laura -
Hi Paul.
I am so happy for you. You have made a tremendous differnce in my life. You are insightfull and have given me compassion and tough love that I need. I thank God for you my brother. I am still scared, but I will never give up the walk of life and recovery. I am headed to a health fair for work tommorow 95 miles away. I am kind of worried about the weather. The first and closest casino I banned from is about 80 miles from the town I am going too. I am still banned, on company time and will be in a rental car that needs returned on time, so I am safe from gambling tommorow. I kind of dread the drive becuase of the failures and emotions I have had on this highway, but I can do it.
You are one of many blessings and resources that God gave me. We may never meet face to face in this realm, but I know we will meet in the next my brother.
God Bless,
Cully21 -
Hi Larry,
I wasn’t sure whether I should respond to your post on my thread or yours. I am never quite certain of the rules of posting etiquette lol.
I am glad that you were able to use me as a semi-confidant. Although you had made your apology on your thread perhaps there was still a little left to release.
Something hitting very close to a nerve can cause a knee jerk reaction in us. I’m so glad that you had been honing all of your RCG tools so that they could be put to use to overcome the scary urge. Guilt and shame from the past can be a powerful urge creator. But as we learn through GA and here, we can only deal with this one day at a time. We cannot allow our past actions to overshadow the good actions we are creating today.
So I am so very glad that you are here today, continuing on this journey. Happy to be your sounding board as you have done for me many a time.
Have a great gamble free day.
Laura -
Hi Larry: Thank you so much for your post on my thread. I was deeply touched by everyone’s concern and support. Times are rough, but I know they will get better. I am thankful, this morning, that I didn’t carry out my urge to gamble yesterday. You’re right, you and I both know the devastating consequences that even one bet will have.
You are doing incredibly well, even though you may have those **ck it! moments. It is part of the journey, I suppose (albeit a bloody annoying part). There seem to be quite a number of us having urges and struggling at the moment, but thankfully, we’ve all managed to stay strong somehow, and I’ll pray that we all manage to continue that way.
Keep the faith.
Love,
RGThis moment is all we really have. Be happy in it. -
Hi Larry
You have come such a long way. Seven months is so wonderful! I am so glad you are here Larry and part of this community. I can’t imagine you upsetting anyone, whatever it is i am sure people know you are only meaning well. Your posts are greatly appreciated.
P – living and learning -
Hi Larry, Thank you for posting on my thread and sharing the website infomation. I just finished reading it. I try to visit all the website you and others recommend on here. They are always so informative and really help. We must eah do everything we can to stop gambling. We have to WANT to stop gambing, needing to is not enough. Once again thanks. Nancy
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Thanks for sharing Larry. I can only imagine what you are going through. I hope you still have contact with your children. God be with you today…..Nancy
If you pray – why worry……… If you worry – why pray.– 4/14/2010 11:47:46 AM: post edited by howanan. -
Wow Larry. That post you just made on your thread really hit me and has me thinking. I pain from your loss. I was thinking a lot of stuff last night that relates to what you said. My mother got mad at me and told me I should just give up my job, school, and family and become a proffesional gambler. If I had a bank roll, I might would try it. But it got me thinking about the assets I have neglected. The invaluable ones. Family.
Right now I am not making any declarations. I am a human being. A child of God. That is what I am focussing on today. And it is good to be alive. I have a lot of stuff to work out. A lot. I want to focus and regroup on those goals.
You have made a difference in my life Larry. I am sorry for the price you paid to have to enter my life, but I sure thank God for you. I hope that doesn’t sound selfish of me.
God Bless,
Cully21 -
hi larry i just wanted you to know im thinking of you and senting you my thoughs you take care larry. pepegods speed
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Hey Larry,
glad you are here today, to share with us your joys and your sorrows. Your sorrows so we can be there for you and your joys so we can share them with you. Congratulations on your 8 months gamble free.
Take care,
Laura -
HI Larry
Congratulations on your 8 months that is really wonderful news! It is sad what gambling takes from us. You are right, so much more than finances. You have a new life now Larry, a new gamble free life away from the illusions of gambling. I took a look back at gambling the other week, I slipped, I can tell you, you don’t want to go back. If ever you feel tempted use me as an example. Straight back to the devastation and misery. No matter how long we are away from it, it remains the same if we return. So from one CG to another I admire your journey so far and appreciate your support
P – Living and Learning -
Hi Larry:
I contemplated your post and remember you speaking in the past about your relationship. I can only imagine the pain. I hope I am not overstepping my bounds, but is there any chance for any reconciliation with your children? Any attempts?
Charile mentioned to me the other day that there are two types of recovering GA’s. Those who talk the talk and those who walk the walk. I regret I have not always walked the walk. But you, you my friend, my brother, you are walking the walk. My compliments may not be much, but I am so proud of you and I know I am not the only one.
Is there anyway of attempting contact?
I was rejected from my children at times when they grew up. Still am at times. There would be times when my daughter would have and event and say it was no big deal or she didn’t want me to go, but I went as much as possible.
I came to a conclusion that was painful sometimes. This is strictly from my persspective for me.
I decided it is best for me to be there and be rejected at times, rather than not being there at all.
I am not saying by any means that this has or is a painless proccess, but it is something I did my best to do.
This was also something I told my kids mother when she made her first suicide attempt. She had changed and you could say she pursued things that non-verbally showed the kids that she had rejected them for someone or something else. Oh how I prayed for reconciliaton between her and the kids. I tried to be mediator. I ended up with both sides mad at me. I would have the girls mad at me for trying to foster communiation and getting more involved with their mother, and their mother accusing me that I turned the kids against them. I did no such thing. I tried telling her how much damage was done with their relationship and that reonciliation would take time, and if she would show constiancy there was a chance. Oh how I wanted to see that consitancy. I really did. She never stabalized and it never came. Suicide was the ultimate abandonment. I dont mean any disrespect to her, but that is what it was. Then I blindly walked down a road turning from my resposnsibilities.
All I know is wheter in my lifetime or after I pass, I hope they know I tried. I really am. I hope I was everything I was supposed to be when I pass.
One message I will leave my kids when that day comes is that I forgive them of any transgressions and do not hold any guilt. I will be in Heaven waiting for them. All of my family accepted Jesus as their Savior. This was always my wish if I had one wish. I want them to forgive me too. The son of God paid for my sins and yours over 2,000 years ago. And I honestly believe if it was only me or you who would accept him and be saved 2,000 years later, he still would have done it. I know this. From your posts and tones I suspect you have done this and taken this free gift of grace. If not, I wish you would. I would like to meet you in Heaven someday. No hurts. No worries.
Anway, I did not mean to type a long deep post. I hope and pray it has cuased you no pain. As long as you are alive, there is hope for reonciliation. It could happen. You have been getting yourself right for the past 8 months. I pray you are rewarded for that.
I just care about you. I hope I have not overstepped my bounds.
God Bless,
Cully21 -
is it eight months yesterday since your last bet Larry?
Time flies when things are going well.. -
Hi Larry.
I would have sworn that I sent you a post this mornig. I think I did. I hope that it did not offend you. It was deep and emotional but no offense was intended. I don’t know if I nuked it or removed it. Please let me know and I stay away from the subject.
God Bless,
Cully21 -
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Hi Larry
Just popping in again to say hi, I notice you offer a lot of support to everyone yet your thread seems to slip pages back so today i want to make sure you are on the front page so you get the support back that you give
P – Living and Learning -
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Hey Larry
Way to go on your not gambling life. You have come a very long way
P – Living and Learning -
Hi Larry seems like you have been through some pretty tough times yourself lately and still you post wonderful posts of support to others. You are doing so great on the gamble free time you should be proud of yourself. Thank you for your supportive post to me and i will have a look at that site. Thanks Larry
P – Living and Learning -
Hi again Larry
Nice to see you on chat recently! Thanks for your words of support and i see you do the daily pledge a lot, i join in that too now. It is a good way to start the day. I have now taken to starting and ending my day right here! Nice to have you as a friend here and i love all your words of wisdom
P – Living and Learning -
Larry:- Keep it up. Keep coming back to motivate some of us :)"You cannot change the system but you can change who you are"."I would not gamble with money i do not have" and "Make promises i can’t keep".
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Hi Larry
Congratulations on your Nine months. It was nice to catch up with you on chat. You should be so proud of yourself Larry. I hope you can do something nice for your self for your achievement. Can’t give yourself a better gift than a gamble free life!! I always love reading your words and look forward to seeing more. Have a great week
P – Living and Learning -
Hi Larry,
Wow, 270 days or should I say 271!!! Feels great doesn’t it!
I am so happy for you Larry, you have taken this illness by the horns and fought it every step of the way but at the same time helping a lot of other people along the way with your great words of wisdom and superb advice.
I hope your life continues to improve and you gain many more good experiences you may have missed whilst in the midst of gambling hell. You are an inspiration to us all Larry and may we all continue hand in hand down the path of recovery……….one day at a time!!
Cheers
CarlMy soul is back -
Hi Paul.
I just want to say a huge thank you for your post to me. It was so comforting and nice of you to be so supportive. I love the poem too.
Im glad you have been so strong in your recovery. I hope we chat on here soon.
Again, Thanks a lot, take care,
Laura xOops I did it again. -
Hi Paul. Keep posting on your gambling free. It will show us or guide us that we can be gambling free if we want too."You cannot change the system but you can change who you are"."I would not gamble with money i do not have" and "Make promises i can’t keep".
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Dear Larry,
I find myself struggling for words to convey how happy I am for you. My congratulations to you are not merely for making it one day at a time for ten months, but for working each day at making your recovery and abstinence meaningful. The joy of a grandaughter smiling proudly at her grandpa on graduation day, the hapiness this must bring to your daughter, and this recognition of your own peace and joy are the rewards that truly matter.
I wanted to find you yesterday and today, to thank you for your recent posts, both the one on my thread and the article you shared that I posted to my thread myself. I still have to explore the links you provided as well. Through your own recovery, you are helping so many others find their way.
Congratulations Larry on your ten month milestone, but even more so congratulations on your plans to attend the graduation 🙂 May you be blessed one day at a time with recovery and its rewards.
A friend in recovery,
Laura -
Hi Larry
Fantastic on your gamble free time. You have come so far Larry and you help so many others with your posts. Your words are always very thoughtful and wanting the best for others. Ten months congratulations. I know had i stuck it out i would be there with you as we started around the same time. Unfortunately not, but i know without this site i probably would have had no gamble free time at all so am happy for the days i do have gamble free. Love your posts. Way to go Larry, here is my cuppa raised in the air to you this morning. Chink chink, (our coffee cups clinking together) What an amazing recovery you are living
P – Living and Learning -
Hi again Larry
Today is my new day one. I am joining your daily pledge, today will be the new life for me. I hope this is it, and thank you, you re affirm in my head the one day at a time thing when i read your messages to people. I am a slow learner i am thinking, today i hope to finally start a real recovery.
P – Living and Learning -
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Hi Larry,
Congrats on 11 months! Here’s to the next one!
bettie -
Hi Larry
Just want to say thank you for your support. Your words always make so much sense to me. I find myself thinking sometimes of your words. I am in a horrible place right now, the day after the worst binge i have had. I went to GA last night and couldnt even speak i was such a mess. Yesterday will be the last day i gambled. Today is a new day again and i am trying to start over but right now it feels impossible, but with friends like you here it gives me that glimmer of hope to get through. I thank you for your support again. You are an inspiration
P – Living and Learning -
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Hi Larry
It was nice to see you on group. Nope, i cannot see the post of yours either, not the content! How weird.. hope it resolves itself soon, little pc gremlins!!
P – Living and Learning -
Hey Larry,
What if i told u i could see the post?
Well, i would be lying but it would be funny!
Darn pixies!
peace
bettie -
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Larry,
Sometimes "low tech" is much better than "high tech". Great message and the candle worked fine!
lol!
bettie -
Hey Larry
I had to laugh at that, i remember using the water and finding secret messages on paper it was a fun thing to do as a child.. glad you are well and hope to see you some time again soon in chat..
P – Living and Learning -
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congratualtions on your success. I think it is wonderful that you have turned this around and i use you as encouragement to continue my fight. I hope to be where you are now by next year. thanks for your positiveness!!!!
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Hi Larry
Congratulations one year is such an achievement!! Be proud of you Larry, I am!
P – Living and Learning -
Oh Happy Day!
Happy "Birthday" Larry!
peace
bettieIt’s one thing to know where you want to go-it’s another thing entirely to have the Wisdom to get there….Looking for the Wisdom -
Larry, your post brought tears to my eyes and a song to my heart. Congrats to you on your hard work and gamble free life! You inspire me friend! Enjoy your day!If you are heading in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!
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Hi Larry,
Well done on your 1 year anniversary, I hope it is the first of many! You have done extremely well and should be so very proud of what you have achieved, not only have you helped yourself you have helped so many other people along the way.
Have a great weekend and gamble free one at that!
Cheers
CarlMy soul is back -
Happy anniversary Larry.
Thanks for being who you are. I am 12 weeks clean and it went by kind of fast. Almost a 1/4 of a year.
God Bless my Friend,
Cully21 -
Larry,
I posted on your pledge thread by mistake..so ill say it once more here…CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan -
One Year, Doesn’t it feel wonderful.
NancyWhat lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us…………. -
Hi Larry: I wanted to add my sincere congratulations for your gamble-free year!! I loved your post on your anniversary day … gives me hope to continue. While my journey has been significantly bumpier than yours this year (with regard to giving in to urges), I count it as a year in recovery, and one that could have been WAY worse had I not been making the effort.
Thank you for being here Larry, to share your story and for your endless support. I have learned much from you.
Love,
RGMay you be safe and happy. May you be peaceful. -
Larry
I am truly humbled and inspired by your journey and your accomplishment! Congratulations."Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." -
Larry, you are the very first person I am using my brand new laptop to post to! Got a present of it from my husband tonight!
All day and night ( I was working nights last week) on the 13th, I kept thinking it was your one year milestone, and after all the support you have given everybody, I had no way to contact you to say "Well Done"…So better late than never Larry! Nobody deserves congratulations better than you.
365 days, one at a time!
take a bow! -
Hi Larry
Always nice to see you in group. You are so supportive of everyone, i hope you feel supported too. Thanks for being a one year inspiration to us Larry.. I wish i had stuck with you from the beginning instead of all the slips along the way but we live and learn and finally i feel like i am in that space to move forward
P – Living and Learning -
Hi Larry.
thanks for your post on my thread and for bringing my older threads back to life!
i dont think i have had the pleasure to chat to you before so i just caught up on you first post and your 1 year post.
i have to agree with you that there is no better feeling than reaching the year mark. all the emotions effort and commitment you have shown over that time really fills you with a sense of achievment. congratulations!!!!!!
i have no doubl if you carry on what you are doing every day and the thought process that you use in combatting the gambling demons then you will see many more gamble free, fulfilling years.
Regards Dave -
Hi Larry,
I feel compelled to write to you, im not sure why, maybe its your absolute sincere words you post to others, including me, maybe i feel that you truly take the time to read posts, and find valid and important points to discuss, maybe its just because i know you listen, and maybe its all of the above (more likely!!!)
My week has been very sad, my sister, who i love dearly is in immense pain that i cannot relieve. I can do nothing and feeling powerless has become something i have accepted in my life, but in this situation, well, what can i do. As i sit here im feeling totally helpless, useless, and not in control which i dont like. Being so far away from her is painful, i miss her already, and her children who i love.
My brother in law was a great adventurer, as i told my neice, she had an amazing upbringing, living on an island on their own, being able to explore, fish and see the wonders of this world right at their front door, all the while her father there for her, teaching her about things i will never learn, and how lucky was she to have such an amazing role model in her life, even though he was hot headed!!! Someone described him perfectly, a mixture of Steve Irwin and Bear Grills…i always smile when i think of that.
He was in no way perfect, but then who is? I just hope that he realises just what he taught his children, how magical their life was, although im sure they didnt like it much at the time…but we always want what we havent got, and as children its always tenfold.
It is a tragedy what has happened, a terrible accident that is too bizarre to believe, but it has happened, and they all have to move on, eventually.
Larry, thank you for letting me write on your thread, i dont need a reply, i just needed to get that out, and i know that you wouldnt mind, i just feel that you would understand.
Take care, Kathryn xxxx
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan -
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Hi Larry
Hope all is well for you and you are having a good day/night when you read this.. i always find something useful in the words you write and thank you for your support with posting and on group chat.. You are a great inspiration for me, I know we started close in time but our paths in this recovery have been very different with you going the distance and me slipping up along the way.. feel like i am on even ground these days which is a great feeling.. anyway just wanted to say hi today
P – Living and Learning -
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Larry,
An amazing story of survival, could it be, that your higher power knew that there were other things waiting for you out there? That you were still needed in this world (not to mention this fourm) and that you were given an incredible lifeline. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and the part you play in this community is more than enough reason in my eyes. In reality, im sure we are but a small part of your life, but i know that my life would not be the same without you in it. I can only imagine the relief your family felt, knowing you were safe.
5 years, i didnt realise that time had gone so fast, of course, me, on the other side of the world only saw small snippets of Katrina’s devistation, we do not have hurricanes (or anything else besides drought) in my part of the world, but i did see a show on Oprah, headlining what Katrina had done.
I have just written a big post, moaning about my life, woe is me……well, your post makes me see the good in my life, and i thank you for that Larry. I only hope that i can remember, that no matter how hard my life is, by the grace of god it could be so much worse.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan -
Thanks for sharing your experience Larry. I’m sorry you had to go through Katrina but glad that your life path was changed. I agree, things happen for a reason…we may never fully understand it now but maybe someday.
If you want to know your past; look into your present conditions.If you want to know your future; look into your present actions.~Roy Mathews -
Hey Larry,
Been thinking about you every time i heard the word "Katrina" this week. My child was working in New York on 9/11 so I know the panic of not being able to reach a loved one in a crisis.
But u survived then and u survived today and u will survive tomorrow because it was just ment to be that way.And I for one am glad for that!
peace
bettie -
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HAPPY birthday LARRY!
join the line of winners! you deserve a celebration!
NICE TO SEE YOU POSTING TO YOUR OWN THREAD!
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Larry. I just saw on the chat that you were wondering about the flash…The free version was for 32 bit. This laptop is 64 bit. I had no idea how to change that and since my son who does all that for me, is away, I took it to an IT shop and they charged 25 euro. It means I can listen to music on You tube and I dont know how, but for the first time tonight I was able to connect to safe harbour!
Thanks for checking in.
God bless!
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Hi Larry,
well I am terribly disappointed in myself that I have not read your thread for a little while. I was stopping by to ask how the new bed is? Such a comfort is our bed. And I see that I have missed two very important events in your life. The 5th anniversary of Katrina and your Birthday. One was a terror and one is a milestone but both are reminders to me of how lucky we are to have you. Truly. I don’t think I could say it any better than Kathryn did above. So happy belated birthday to a man who has been such an inspiration. Someday i would love to have a coffee together.
take care,
Laura -
Hey Larry,
I am ashamed of my self also! Happy Belated Birthday! You are a gift to us all, don’t ever forget it!
The other girls want coffee i see. Maybe one day, it the stars align…..
peace
bettie -
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Thanks for sharing your story Paul. You had time and money and made the ‘choice’ not to gamble. That’s real recovery when you can make the right choice when the wrong choice was right in your face. I love a happy ending.If you want to know your past; look into your present conditions.If you want to know your future; look into your present actions.~Roy Mathews
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I love a happy ending too. I’m glad that you made it back safe and sound and gamble free. And I’m happy that you and Bettie kept each other company as well. Time well spent for the both of you I would imagine. Thanks for sharing the reminder.
Laura -
Merle Haggard owes you one Larry!
Get in touch and tell him your story!
Could be interesting .. -
Hey Larry,
I am a believer in fate. I, for the very first time, was able to get into safeharbour on saturday. I left the GT chat open just in case any of my friends showed up. It was a long time before I heard you chime in.
Something told me stay open and wait. Sometimes we all need a friend.
Thank you for being mine.
peace
bettie -
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Hi Larry,
Call it intution or paranoia but I felt compelled to leave you a note today.I feel you are fighting deamons, maybe i’m way off base here. I’m sure your GA friends had a lot to say about the trip. I hope it was not discouraging to you. I’m no pro but I know what would have been said at the meeting I have been to and I don’t take critisism too well.
Hoping all is well with you. You are a fantastic help and support to us all.
The message that caused the uproar on the f&f forum was my foward from Marilee. I never even thought of the "other" side of that message, just the ugly feelings that apply to me, the CG, not the support/friend or family member of the CG. Looking back I can see where the "advice" could be taken as a critism, which was not my intenetion, ( and I believe not the authors intention either ). I will stay out of the f&f forum. I have no desire to hurt those already hurting. So if I caused you distress there I am sincerly sorry.
bettie -
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Hey Larry,
Thank you for your thoughtful replies here and on my thread. Hope you have a wonderful Sunday planned. Sometime all I want to talk about is recovery, sometimes I just want to live and not think about it.
peace
bettie -
Hi Larry,
Thanks for the concern and the link. I am quite ignorant of getting help for myself and afraid to ask. Why? Maybe because I think I don’t think I’m worthy or worth saving. Maybe I am just afraid. Maybe I’m just lazy and would rather complain about it and do nothing to resolve it.
Give me a kick Larry, that what friends are for sometimes.
Thanks!
bettie -
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is this only for your own use or can others peply Larry?
Anyway, I ll take a chance!
I just want to wish you all the best as you move to your new home.
Many happy days and nights ahead to relax and enjoy life by your own fireside instead of warming your butt on a casino stool!
and it’s all thanks to your emormous effort to make recovery a success for yourself and so many others here.
One day at a time!
Long live the 3 Gs!
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youre scaring me Larry!
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Hi Larry,
Just thinking about you. Hope the move is going well. Miss seeing your posts but know the situtation.
God’s speed
bettie -
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WONDERFUL LARRY!!
peace
bettie -
Hi Larry
Glad to see you popping in, thank you for all your support and nice messages to me they really help and i appreciate every word
P – Living and Learning -
another test of patience Larry!
Waiting for the internet connection is a bit like a child waiting for Santa!
Roll on November 9th!
On that day my son will be coming from Holland on a two night trip.
I will have completed a week of night duty ( which Im sort of dreading this time round), and I will be heading into a week off….
How we wish our lives away!
If you read this, I hope you are settling into your new home!
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Hey Larry,
Nice to see your post. Talk about "working" your recovery! Having to sit in a cafe’ to come here takes effort, esp when we get spoiled having the internet at home. Yet another blessing we sometimes take for granted.
Hope your place is feeling more like home.
peace
bettie -
Hi Larry
Nice to see a post from you.. glad you are so honest with yourself and everyone else, i think your recovery is really wonderful.. i am on day 3 but i feel different, maybe because i am going to ga twice a week, starting counselling tomorrow and back here for groups almost daily.. it sure is no coincidence.. maybe its taken me all this time to finally "get it" sure hope so..
P – Living and Learning -
9 days and counting Larry!
Just thinking about u, hope things are progressing along.
Peace
bettie -
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Hey Larry,
You paitence is being paid back with a reward! See, good things do happen for those who wait! And thank you, all in all i am doing well.
Hope to catch u on a chat soon!
peace
bettie -
Hi Larry
I was happy to see a post from you today.. sounds like you are getting in some much needed internet time at Macca’s as us Aussies often refer to it as… I am wishing you a speedy internet connection real soon.. thanks for being on this journey with us Larry
P – Living and Learning -
Hi Larry,
Good morning.. I hope u are reading this at home!
peace
bettie -
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Hey Larry
So glad you have that connection again, yey.. i like the reminder to just keep putting those urges off till the next day, i have to keep remembering that too.. see you soon Larry
P – Living and Learning -
Hi Larry: Thank you, once more, for your well-considered comments and wisdom. I really like the 7 Ts. I hadn’t heard of it before. I have tried the movie replay in it’s traditional form (drive to casino, excitedly plan which machines I’ll hit first, imagine holding out my hand, palm up and flat, to receive jackpot … and all the other hogwash!!), and it hasn’t worked for me thus far, but I do create other scenarios in my head. I guess these scenarios really are a part of the movie, now that I think about it.
I imagine driving home, sickened, even covered in a thin film of sweat, like I have a fever. Having to walk into my house and to be hit with guilt immediately as my dog and my kids race to hug me. Then, watching my husband’s smile turn into hurt, then horror, as I tell him how much I syphoned from the accounts. Oy … makes me ill just writing it now.
You’ve been a great model for me, Larry (albeit than I haven’t been the ultimate student). Keep going on your wonderful progress.
Love, RG May you be safe and happy. May you be peaceful. -
Hey Larry
Hope you are having a good day in your neck of the woods… thanks for being such a good role model for us larry.. it really helps and i always take away something useful from your postsl
P – Living and Learning -
Hi Larry, I just wanted you to know that the post you made on P’s thread about the fruits of the spirit really struck a cord with me. I have studied that scripture before, but for some reason it has been heavy on my heart after reading your post. I too have "The Daily Bread" and read that page the same evening. I also went on GotQuestions.org and asked about the fruits of the spirit. I am meditating on this subject this week and hopefully much longer.
Thanks Larry …. Nancy -
Hi Larry!
Thanks for telling me about Black Friday!
Will that day ever come for me?
When it does I will be free of debt.
When Im free of debt, I will be truely FREE! -
Hey larry
Hope you are having a good day.. just raising my coffee cup to my GT friends
P – Living and Learning -
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Hey Larry,
My condolences on losing your niece. Always hurts to loose someone.
Take care of yourself.
peace
bettie -
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Good evening Larry,
I find great comfort in your posts. The kind and caring words of advice and support. It must have been a shock to lose your niece, who was probably more like a close cousin to you. You can hear your pride as you outline her accomplishments. I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank-you for setting me straight in regards to Thanksgiving. Although the end result of my confusion was that I thought about giving thanks a little more often which isn’t a bad thing. So my dear GT friend, I give thanks for your support and friendship. Stop by any time you’d like, the coffee pot is always on.
Take care,
Laura -
Enjoy your posts!! At Thanksgiving Dinner, I looked around and thought how lucky I am for my wonderful family. I was soo used to isolating myself while gambling, and it felt so good to be surrounded by love. Later that evening, my oldest daughter posted on my facebook, how lucky she was to have me as her mother, and her sons grandmother. I finally am feeling again, not just walking around numb. Thanks again.Seize all the good things in life
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Good morning Larry,
I see my friend and GT neighbour is here for morning coffee. The pot is on as usual this morning. I have had a bit of time to do some reading, posting and reflecting. Now its time to focus on one of those GC traits,well, mine anyway, procrastination. I have my list made and want to go into my vacation week next week with as clean a slate as possible. I hope that you have a good day today Larry, as I always do. Bless you.
Laura -
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Hi Larry
I can’t sleep so getting a few posts in to keep me sane hehe.. Hope you are having a good day wherever you are, in New Orleans i see, so whatever you are doing I hope you are feeling some joy from something today… what a marvellous role model you are here now Larry.. your posts are always full of something that makes me think
P – Living and Learning -
Hi Larry,
Hope you are enjoying your vacation. I posted somthing in my thread last night and am interested in your insight. YOu have been a great inspiration to me. I’m still new to the GA meetings.. made my 5th meeting last night. Yahooo… It has been a surce of comfort for me and I am learning so much. But last night’s meeting leftme feeling a bit empty.
Thanks,
Carol"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." -
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Thanks for your response just to let you know I am taking it all in and will think long and hard about it all.G
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Hi Larry
Hope you are having a good day in your recovery today.. i am having some urges but who wants to go back there when we have had a taste of the gamble free life!!!
P – Living and Learning -
Hi Larry,
My wise friend! I have learned so much from you! Talk about getting step 12 down!
You have been a good friend to find here and I thank you!
Merry Christmas!
bettie -
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Hi Larry,
Sending Christmas wished from Oz….our day is done here and yours is proboably just beginning.
I truly hope, that you have a wonderful day, that you enjoy yourself, that you take time to think about Christmas’ past and realise just how far you have come in your recovery.
Eat, drink and be merry,
Merry Christmas
Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan -
Happy Xmas Larry!My soul is back
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I love that "my soul is back" gambling does suck the soul right out of people. Merry Christmas!
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Hi larry,
Just wanted to thank you for your support in my diary and to offer my best for the New year ahead.
One of the many things i trully admire about how you work your recovery is your total focus and dedication. You seem to read people’s posts with great thought and care, almost with a forensic examination. You then pick out the salient points to reflect back to the author with your observations. I also note that you do this consistently and over time.
I think that this is a great quality to posses and develope in recovery.. that being the ability to train ones mind to read to understand to think to focus to reflect to imagine and to learn from and through the experiences of others as well as ones own experinces.
I guess these skills are something that we all posses but from my own perspective something that i don’t do nearly enough. It is something i want to work on and will work on. It so easy to become lazy in thought and action. The dream world of the compulsive gambler is certainly something that I relate to. So easy to idle away time thinking about doing but not actually doing.
Anyway thanks again for your support larry. I take your thoughts on board thats for sure. keep doing what you do to keep yourself safe from gambling.
Kind regards
Tim Taking life one day at a time as always. -
Hi Larry,
thanks for stopping by this morning with well wishes for 2011.
Somehow, as promised, the days add up. One day at a time, 2010 became a complete year of recovery. Thank-you for your company along the way. My journey has been all the richer for it. Without your patience, good advice and firm kindness this road to recovery could have been far bumpier for a lot of us. May 2011 continue to bring us insight and balance. God bless you Larry. The coffee pot is always on my friend.
Happy Gamble Free New Year
Love Laura
xoxo
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Hi Larry
I hope you had a great christmas and new year and thank you for being part of my 2010.. here is to a gamble free year again for you and a new one for me for 2011.. well done Larry and thank you for all the support and friendship you have offered..
P – Living and Learning -
Dear Larry
I thought you would like to know that I have spent hours turning over the yolk and separating it from the white. I do intend to give it more thought but I keep ending up back at the beginning each time I start. I hope I can sleep tonight without scrambling eggs in my dreams. Thank you for your post. As always you give so much food for thought and I enjoy that sort of food immensely. You are really, really appreciated.
Love
V xxx
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((( Larry ))) I am so proud to walk with you on this road of recovery. You have stayed focused on your recovery, using all the tools that you could and sharing those with others. I have heard it said many times that we need to be selfish in our recovery. That we need to focus on making ourselves better and that we can’t do it for anyone else. Yet your journey has included helping others who struggle with being a CG and we are so lucky (if I can use that word) that it has. I get a lot of inspiration from your posts as I know do others. Keep up the great work Larry. 18 months one day at a time. 547 days of making the pledge to be gamble free. Of making the choice to live your life with honesty. I am glad you have chosen to spend some if this day with us here. Loads of love,
xoxo Laura -
As I sit here reading your post Larry I am reminded of what brought me to GT almost a year ago.
If I want what you have I need to do what you do.
Congratulations Larry!
And THANK YOU!
peace
bettie -
Hi Larry
Like Laura – I am proud to be walking with you. We walk on the same road but it isn’t until the fog lifts a bit that we can see the army marching on and I am so glad that I have not only seen but heard you.
You tax my grey cells and teach me so much.
I think it is great to see 18 month Gambling Free written on the hoarding by the road and I hope it gives heart to those who walk behind you. I hope they know that if they can write as Larry does after 18 months then ‘Wow’ just think what they can do after a year, 2 years and more. I have been lucky enough to know someone with 17 years behind him and still marching forward. He still views everyday as beautiful and is still seeing things he has not noticed before. His son died suddenly last year and he stayed true to his gamble-free life. Like you he was able to weep with his loved ones.
Life can be very tough and dealing with an addiction on top is something I cannot imagine but you are showing the way and it is great to read.
God Bless you Larry – I can hear that He does
Love
V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx -
Thanks for posting to my thread Larry!
I’m still hovering in the background..
like a ghost!
I don’t have any desire to post on my own tread..
Maybe I don’t want to be "Vera" anymore……….. -
omg Larry
Congratulations, 18 months.. that is fantastic.. I have had a bad time of late, really bad but I am back that is the main thing i guess and trying once more.. have a sponsor now and go to two meetings a week.. Will join in groups here again too and these will be my barriers as i cant ban where i am or give my cash to anyone… i admire that you have done this Larry, i was here at the beginning and not too far away in time as when you started.. how i wish i could have stayed on the right path like you have Larry.. you give me hope.. that it can be done.. im a late starter i think.. or a slow learner.. either way.. im back and just wanted to say hi and that i have enjoyed the journey with you even though i have slipped along the way..
P – Living and Learning -
Hey Larry
Thank you for your post to me, your words always help me.. i hope you are doing well… you are always so helpful to everyone here Larry.. thank you for being here and sharing this journey
P – Living and Learning -
Hey Larry,
With "Fat Tuesday" pending and those jelly donuts (punskies?) in the store thoughts of you come to mind.
Thanks for your posts Larry, always the voice of reason and intelligence!
take care
bettie -
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Hi Larry,
as i read that poem again it causes my mind to quiet as it always does. It reminds me that another knows my pain and shame. It also reminds me of the help that I received from my fellow recovering gamblers. Your hand is always outstretched in a sincere offer of help. Thank-you for the time you take to encourage the rest of us on. And for your willingness to always share the things that move you, support you and help you in your own recovery. Keep enjoying your gamble free life, one gamble free day at a time.
take care,
Laura -
Hi Larry, It was good to read your thread and it gives me a bit of an understanding of your recovery journey and of your life before that. I was sad to read that you lost your brother so suddenly, and then your niece. I lost my brother tragically in September, 2008, and my gambling intensified after that. To read that you stayed gamble free through that is truly inspirational. I believe that I can stay gamble free one day at a time, but I was telling myself I could do that as long as nobody close to me dies. I didn’t think it was possible to do but now after reading your posts, I see that it can be done. I always appreciate the advice that you give to fellow cgs and rcgs. It is insightful and well thought out, meant to bless them. As delightful as it may have been to live in France with your new family, it had to be difficult for you, leaving everything familiar behind. I’m sorry that it ended the way it did for all of you. 911 will be imprinted in my mind forever. I had just got to work and heard what was happening on the radio. The fear and horror I felt and I was not even an American. I was sure that this was the beginning of a World War 111. I left work and went home and sat for days watching this nightmare unfold. I can only imagine how traumatizing it was for you to watch this without being there to share in your nation’s grief. We all have regrets, but we need to forgive ourselves, and move on, and I’m trying to do that. I know that I know that I am only one bet away from possibly losing my recovery. Carole
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Hey Larry,
Glad u got to your concert! I saw Kris back in, maybe 1984 With Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings. I thought he should have stuck to writing. "Sunday Morning Coming Down" What a song!
Thanks for all you do Larry. Someone told me I should ask you to sponsor me for GA.
What a team we could make!
peace
bettie -
Hi Larry:
I saw that you saw Merle and Kris in concert. My late uncle’s name was Bobby Dyson. I know he played bass for them on some of there early albums.
God Bless,
Cully"I used to follow. Yeah thats true. But my following days are over. Now I just got to follow through." Lou Graham from the song "Midnight Blue" -
Thank you Larry for the links to the 12 step information. I really appreciate it. Carole
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Hi Larry you are such an inspiration, the amount of thought and dedication you have to your posts is really wonderful.. i was having a cuppa this morning and wondering how life is treating you today when i read your post.. your last one wsa some time ago on your own thread and i hate to see it back on page 3 so i am going to bring it to the front.. i know you are there supporting others, hope we can all support you too
P – Living and Learning -
Hi Larry,
I wanted to say hello and thank you. Ten days ago I started coming here and you posted. I see how thoughtful and dedicated you are and have drawn from your courage and strength. I was most appreciative of a link you shared with someone on Post accute witchdrawl. As of this coming Tuesday i will not be on the computer for a bit as I am having eye surgery… I feel pretty strong though. Again, thank you so much for helping me! Happy St Patty’s day too! Hugs!
Liz50 -
Hi Larry! Just checking in on the motivator!!! I know that we recover for ourselves, but there are a lot of people watching how individuals like yourself manage your recovery as it gives them hope that they too can live a gamble free life. I have crossed that invisible line of where my thoughts are in the day to day responsibilities and not on the thoughts of gambling to escape. I’m not saying that I don’t have bad moments in my day where I don’t experience normal emotions like frustration or anger, because I do. I just don’t manage them with gambling anymore, though I do know that I am one bet away from slipping. I am presently babysitting my 2 year old grandaughter during the day, 2 days a week, while her mother works, and I have to say it is pure joy. I can’t stop kissing her as she is so precious. We play for most of the day on the floor. The first thing she says is Hi! when I arrive and then it’s Play! I wouldn’t trade that for mindlessly stuffing twenty dollar bills in a machine, and losing to boot!!! Carole
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Hi Larry,
Thanks for the encouragement from my time off. I will definitely draw upon the 12 steps I know from Alanon and truthfully, the time off will actually also be a physical barrier as there is a chance that I will have to stay face down for two weeks straight after surgery (although I am believing God to keep that one from happening). At any rate, the dr says 30 days to recover. Haha, recovery is such a great word! We certainly go thru stages, states of mind, ups downs etc during our "recovery" from gambling. Someone likened it to a rollar coaster ride, and I thought, well crud, I have all the tickets for that ride. Happy for me to have found help here, thus letting those "tickets" to go away. Day 11. Well, wait, its actually 1am so lets just say Day 12. And the reality is that life does have ups and downs. I am happy that I am learning that I don’t need to gamble to deal with the emotions. I also enjoy seeing money in my bank account again. These are the things I want to focus on when times may get tough. So, thanks again so much. Sending you a big fat HUG! Liz50 -
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Hey i like that Larry, the moon hmmm… considering we are mostly water.. and the moon effects the tides, it also effects the people.. ever noticed on a full moon how crazy people go.. wonder if my gambling was more erratic around a full moon?? I wouldnt know because when gambling i wouldnt have noticed something as beautiful as the moon, now i do.. as do you… so happy to be gamble free today and reading posts from people like you.. thanks Larry
P – Living and Learning -
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Hi Larry
You have done so well on this journey and have helped many people with your words.. I think of when i first started and you and i started around the same time.. my journey has panned out somewhat different to yours with my slips along the way but over all have had lots of gamble free time.. i admire your strength and persistence in recovery, also your posts and words that reach many here… your life is so different now Larry how amazing to have come so far in life
P – Living and Learning -
Dear dear Larry,
I am so happy for your achievement and truly proud of the kind soul that you are. Congratulations on your now 20 months plus. You are doing a tremendous job of building a new balanced life in the aftermath of this terrible addiction. Great that you were able to bump into a few of the old fellas and listen to some good music. The warmth must have felt like heaven after the terrible winter we’ve had. I too am glad that your ashes will be destined for a more peaceful resting site. I apoligize my friend for not being here for you when you were going through difficult emotions. Each day brings us new choices, each day you inspire in yourself and others the choice of being gamble free. I miss being able to chat and post for hours each day but know that you are in my thoughts when i come across a post here or there from you to others. And the coffee pot is always on, even if I’m not at home. Thanks for your posts and words of encouragement and empathy to us all.
have a very happy and very gamble free day 🙂
God bless Larry
Laura -
Hi Larry!
I saw that you are posting on the daily pledge so I am glad to see you are OK after that tornado last week. I hope you are well and not too close to the Mississippi river, as it seems to be acting up too. I remember driving with my family to southern Missouri in the 1970’s when there was severe flooding and seeing sand bags along the highway. I’ve always been glad when spring passes, I hate storms but I guess we must take the bitter with the sweet. I am looking forward to planting the few little flowers that I can put on my patio.
Take care,
bettie -
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Hi Larry
Glad to hear you are ok after the tornado.. and glad to hear of your continued success in recovery… I always get something out of your posts.. they always make me think.. i like that part that GA states about crossing the invisible line, that is one thing lately that helps me the most is to remember there is no going back once we cross the line , i really did get a shock when i initially went to GA and heard those words, that was the biggest thing that clicked! Though i still gambled a few times after it is only now that line is sinking in fully to my brain..
Your life is so much improved now.. congrats on your clean time, see you soon
P – Living and Learning -
Paul, I mean Larry, tee hee. I must have missed this thread in the past, but you have me thinking about „Day Two is Still a Day Away”. Very interesting (as Maxwell Smart used to say on his TV series)! So, Paul, I mean Larry, let me get this straight…is it possible that instead of the standard „one-day-at-a-time” bromide that we all hear in 12-step meetings, which cautions us not to look too far in the future… is it possible that what you are suggesting is that today is ALWAYS day#1??? Because if that is what you are suggesting, then I think that is brilliant. In fact, it reminds me a little of the movie in the states called „Ground Hog Day” where Bill Murray is trapped had to „redo” Feb 2nd until he got it right. Except you are adding the concept that „Day Zero is Still Yesterday”. So my take away is we are always in Day One and don’t get too cocky if you have clean time and don’t get too scared if you don’t. Because actually all we have is this moment to deal with, not even 24 hours, just this SECOND. So stay focused on the here-and-now, right? Thanks….each day is a GIFT!
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Good morning Larry,
stopping by as i have my morning coffee. I had been by your thread a couple days ago and was in the middle of a post when the site went down. I was able to copy it into word for another day 🙂 With my memory that is a good thing. I’m glad that the fear of relapse is fading and i know that you are anything but complacent. It is always a fine line we seem to walk. Much like a tight rope walker. Take care Larry.
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Hey Larry,
good to hear you and your loved ones are safe and sound. That invisible line…. I can never be "un CGed" I will always be one now. I have no idea where i heard this following statement… You can turn a cucumber into a pickle but you can’t turn a pickle into a cucumber lol It was in a CG recovery context. And it was like yep, guess thats me. A pickle now never to be a cucumber lol. Thank-you once again for taking the time to express your thoughts and provoke ours. Have a happy gamble free day.
Laura
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Hi Larry,
A wonderful uplifting post. Your granddaughter must be so pleased that you are attending her very special event.
The devastation this addiction causes touches so many, be it the major financial damage, or the small absences that are noticed by our loved ones.
The financial damage is far easier to deal with. There is always money to be made, through hard work of course!! The time lost to family members is something we can never replace and although it may be something we dont focus on at the start of recovery, i believe that as we grow and discover the person we always were, it is these precious moments that stand out as our major ‘losses’.
While i live with regret every day, i also use my now ‘logical’ brain to make time for those who suffered the most during my time in action. I love that you have ensured that you will be there for your granddaughter. This is a big event in her life, and im sure having her grandfather there makes it all the more special to her. To be able to look back and remember that you were there is more precious than all the money in the world. What a wonderful gift you are giving her Larry….you!!!!!
As for your last post, what can i say? My god bless all who were taken and who were touched by this terrible event.
Take care, Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxx
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan– 2/05/2011 12:55:02 PM: post edited by Kathryn. -
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Hi Larry
You could give your grandaughter no greater gift than having you there gamble free.. such a nice post to read and always an inspiration to others here too.. good on you Larry, your recovery is just fantastic and you are showing it in all these areas of your life.. other people like your grandaughter are benefiting by your choices.. be proud of you
P – Living and Learning -
Hey Larry,
How are u these days? I see all the flooding associated with the Mississippi and can’t help but think of you.
I saw photo’s of my cousin’s farm in southern Illinois and saw the silo flattened. That had stood for 50 years but the storms got it. Just amazing the power of nature.
Take care!
peace
bettie -
Hi Larry
Well its morning coffee time for me and thought i would pop in and say hi to you and see whats happening in Larrys world today.. whatever is happening i hope it is good!! thanks for being here and always sharing your thoughts
P – Living and Learning -
Hi Larry, Just wanted to thank you for replying to my post this morning. Your practical advice helps alot. I notice that you respond to others with thoughtful advice and a spirit of nonjudgmental, caring. You are not only setting a good example, but doing a great service as well. God Bless!!
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Dear Larry,
I have today seen the terrible news of the twister in Missouri. My thoughts are with you and hope you along with friends and family are safe and well. -
Hi Larry hope you are safe and well take care lifes to short
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You are on my mind a lot Larry!
Hoping and praying that all is ok for you! -
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Dear Larry,
stopping by with my coffee in hand this morning. I’m not sure how i keep missing updates from everyone, maybe I had not read for a couple days and then i miss things. I’m glad that you made it through the storms and avoided some too. Very comparable to recovery. Sometimes there will be storms that we have to weather, and weather without gambling. I am so happy to see that you are still enjoying the benefits of a gamble free life. It must be coming up to two years for you very soon (August?) Where has the time gone? It gives me a feeling of peace to know that i have placed some distance between myself and my last bet. We are to live each day at a time, which i strive to do. But it is good to see the past destruction fading away. For me i lost myself and money. I can be found again and more money can be made. We can learn to live each day with dignity, knowing that we are doing our best to be healthy of mind. Good morning to you Larry (c) Have a great gamble free day. So glad you stopped by for cuppa.
God bless,
Laura -
Hi Larry
Well I also have a cuppa in hand in our big cyber coffee lounge.. hope you are having a good day today Larry.. the journey continues
P – Living and Learning -
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Happy "Katie" Day!!!!
bettie
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Hey Larry,
Frankly I’m a bit afraid of clowns- Steven Kings "IT" comes to mind!
I think elephants are amazing!
peace
bettie -
Larry, is it 22 months today since your last bet?
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Hi Larry!
I just read a post you sent to Ican’s thread and two things leaped out at me.
You spoke about not wanting to quit but in the final analyses having to admit the consequences that gambling brings. I think for most Cgs this is the kernel. If I had not been faced with such devastating results and the realisation of what gambling did, and will continue to do to me, if I choose to gamble, I would most likely,be sitting in a casino tonight blisfully letting the realities of life go over my head. I need to remind myself constantly that gambling is not "fun", is not an option and that no good will ever comes from it. When I see it clearly for what it is, I will no longer want gambling to be part of my life!
The second point was to do with hankering after what is gone and holding on to part of our CG past!
Since I gave up gambling in my "favourite" arcade/casino, I have visited that seaside on a regular basis,to "walk on the beach!" I have become fond of a few restuarants there and even started to bring a couple of my friends out for a walk and a meal there, but mostly I go alone. Most of the time I am uneasy with this and could not face up to dealing with my reasons for going there. When I read your post, I see clearly now that I am chasing the past. Chasing an illusion. Holding on to a memory. re visiting the sordid scene of the crime! Going there alone could not be healthy for me as a CG. I linger around the entrance, salute people who I "knew" (probably all CGs in denial) and even meet some of the people who work there and hope they acknowledge me in some way. How daft is that! Deep down I am pining for my "lost love", regretting what I left behind and looking back on all the money I "invested" there. ..
I must be honest and say none of this has any part in my recovery Larry! The reality is , I threw my money into those bloody slot machines, I’m banned (self-excluded) from those premises for a very good reason and I will never get that time of my life or my money back.
Time to let the ghosts rests and to move on.
From tomorrow onwards’ I will find a new location to walk and if that place has a casino I will make one trip inside, only to self exclude before I am ever tempted to go down memory lane again.
Thanks for that post Larry. It was truely a Godsend! -
Good morning Larry,
I am just on my second cup of coffee and enjoying catching up on some posts. Life has been rather hectic lately, dealing with teenagers who needed jobs and one who needed a car to get to a job. I can only imagine how frustrated I would have been at having my gambling time being taken up by such trivial things as shopping for a second hand car or work uniforms. I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on but then hope that life will settle again and allow a little more time for me. And a little more time for GT. It is good to know this life line is here and I will never untie it!
So how was Katie day at the circus? Sounds like a lovely holiday lol. I read your post on Vera’s thread and was surprised to hear that you were still mourning the loss of gambling, and perhaps flirting with the consequences of re opening this damaging one sided warped relationship. A beach with no casino sounds like a better plan and glad Vera was around to light a spark. Why I’m surprised I don’t know. I should know better when it comes to the draw of this addiction. Of how our minds play games with us to get what it wants subconsciously. I’m so glad that you are rooted in recovery. For me it has been somewhat easy to forget the affects it had on my life. Thanks for sharing your story Larry, it reminds me that I must remember the devestation of gambling. And, you remind me that there is so much joy to be found in life when we stop gambling long enough to see it. I hope you have a great gamble free day my friend.
take care,
Laura -
Hi Larry,
Well i am having a cuppa so of course came to our big cyber coffee longe hehe.. Larry i want to thank you for your honesty and honestly your post helped me more than you could know.. i was tossing around the idea of going for another try again the next day which is now today.. your post absolutely got me thinking.. like i was just prancing around in some dream world and what the hell was i doing there.. i was trying to brush it to the side and make excuses as if it would all be ok and really does it matter if i am doing this again.. well Larry yes it does and you definately bought me back to reality.. thank you soooo much for your post it has helped me more than you will ever know.. i havent been able to get that fight back in me no matter what i do and after reading that and chatting to a friend in GA my mind is ready.. ready to try just for today.. we never know how much we are helping someone Larry and you were like my angel yesterday with those words of truth, thank you so much
P – Living and Learning -
Larry, I just read the beginning of your thread and remember reading it a few years ago. You are an amazing writer and you take a lot of time and thought in posting to others. I can almost picture your life in France. If you didn’t work, other than a house husband, how did you manage to have money for gambling? I know that’s all in the past and you don’t have to answer…I was just curious.
I’m going to go back and read more of your thread because I’m also curious to see if you ever self-excluded from the casinos in Missouri.
Very interesting thread!
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Thanks for taking the time to answer my ‘concern’. As I read through your thread, I saw that you took advantage of the Casino offers after you quit gambling. It sounded like they were cash and food. I don’t blame you for getting what ‘you were owed’…especially when it’s substantial.
I feel you are way ahead of me in recovery (and also a much deeper thinker than I am!) so I enjoy reading your insights and observations.
Happy 4th of July to you! -
Good Morning Larry,
I missed your post of July 4th so have just enjoyed having a read with my coffee. We had not had coffee together in a while so wanted to stop by and see how things are with you. Your post allowed me to get to know you a little better. As your sister in recovery for the past year and a half or longer i treasure that 🙂 I hope you are comfortable in the heat wave you are in the middle of. I just couldn’t imagine what it feels like. I don’t know if we’ve gotten over 28 C yet this summer and usually 25 or under, going down to like 12 at night. Our weather has been cooler this year and everything that grows is way behind. Of course heat was always an excuse to go gambling for me, just want to get in some air condition, ha! Could have bought an air conditioning store lol. Now I do something healthier like go swimming at the beach or pool. ODAAT we have the power to make the next right choice. Take care of yourself in this heat, maybe an iced tea instead of a coffee today! Have a good day.
Laura -
Good Morning Larry! From getting to know people on GT, I have come to realize that the ones that have had the most success in recovery, are those that have sought other support besides GT, such as GA, and you mention God. I have a difficult time asking for support, but the total blowout I had on July 19th, with gambling for over 12 hours, took me back to how I felt prior to coming into recovery. The occasional slip here and there didn’t bother me and I’d always tell myself progress not recovery. The gambling blowout really scared me and I realized that my way was not working, and that I would need to reach out outside myself and get the help I waited too long to seek out. I have found qualifed addiction counsellors through Mental Health 3 hours away from where I live, which gives me the privacy to share what I need to share. The GA group closest to me is 3 hours away also, which sucks for winter night time driving, but I’ll cross that bridge when it becomes winter here. You often talk about self-banning in your head and I am having difficulty really grasping that concept. I would appreciate you explaining that to me in detail. I have self-excluded myself from all the casinos in my province but it does not cover the VLTs in every lounge/bar in town, and I have a long history of gambling in these venues as when I started gambling, we did not have a casino in our town. I am very serious about recovery and have worked hard at quitting and also dealing with the painful issues that have come up for me, as well as the day to day stuff. It’s not that I don’t believe there is a God. I have depended on myself since I was seven years old to cope with issues a child shouldn’t have to cope with. I would like to have that personal relationship but I just don’t know how to do that. I’d be interested in suggestions on how to do that. My way is NOT working. Carole
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Well Said Larry!
peace
bettie -
Thank you Larry for taking the time to explain the answers to the questions I had. I am going to print your reply and meditate on it and dissect it. It is a lot of information to take in. Some of the things you mention I am already doing, which is a positive. I like what you said about gaining a new life, not losing a best friend. Gambling for a cg is never a friend. Carole
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Hi Larry,
I see you posting and I wanted to say hello!
I know your 2 year is right around the corner. They have offically set the date for my pinning-Aug 19th. Seams sureal to me-that almost a year has past and here we are, clean and living life.
I wish things were perfect but as you know life is life, and "we ( learn to ) accect the things we can not change". The past is the first thing that comes to mind, been there, done that. Moving foward is not easy, but necessary if we are to "lead normal happy lives".
My gf in AA had a sililar experance. She knew she had medical issues but thought when she stopped drinking they would be better. She suffered 2 small strokes about 1 year into her recovery, quite the wakeup call, but she is well and doing fine, working her program and living her "normal, happy, life", whatever that turns out to be.
Hope to catch you on a chat soon!
peace
bettie -
2 years is a fantastic accomplishment! Congratulations! And thanks for taking time to share so much guidance and insight to the rest of us.
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good morning Larry (c) Still on my first coffee so a little short of words. Reaching out for help in a time of need is so important. Having a list handy of those you can call if struggling with urges can be a life saver. How do you get a list of people to call? Attend a GA meeting. These seem like such simple and obvious answers to me now. But how i struggled with that while i was still gambling. Thanks for sharing your journey, your struggles. And I look forward to the 13th! Good work my friend.
take care,
Laura -
Hi Larry!
"I tried but found myself gambling" is a cop out for a lot og CGs!
One woman who used to borrow money from me in the casino used to say it a lot. She spent a few hours there every day when her child was in school and returned every night. She played small. She always lost.She blamed the machines for her "problem"and resented leaving to collect her youngest child from school. (incidently, this child was unplanned and her older children seemed to be in charege of her upbringing). She used to wait for me in tears in the car park after closing time to borrow money for food and petrol for the next day. I refused to give her money inside the casino. Then she would pour out all her troubles to me. One night after she told me she felt like killing herself. I told her I was giving up lending money to her because it seemed to me she was using that money for gambling and it made me feel guilty. I suggested she would take a break from the slots. Her cry was "I try all the time but find myself here every day" I pushed her to tell me when she had "tried" because every time I went she was there and the staff told me she was a daily gambler. She became quite indignent and walked off in a huff. Of course she wasn’t a CG! Incidently, her name is Betty! -
Dear Larry! Congratulations on your upcoming 2 years of gamble free time. Thank you for being part of my recovery. I finally understood what the mental banning was, and it does make recovery easier. I did depend on the physical banning for about six months, before I "got" the mental banning. Carole
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Hello Paul,
Well done on the 2 years and thanks for all your contributions here. Only this morning I read your post to a new member in F & F that mentioned stopping "processing and start doing". Good point I thought sitting in my comfy armchair…head full of thoughts but very little action.
I know it helps you in your recovery to post here but you never really know how many other people it touches and helps.
Jilly -
Larry congratulations on your 2 years.. it is fantastic to come this far and you should be so proud of yourself.. you are a valuable member of this community.. way to go Larry.. Hope you do something nice for yourself !!
P – Living and Learning -
Congratulations on your two years!!!! Thanks for sharing and helping others here at GT. I agree that you should get yourself a little treat and do something really fun!! Good for you!
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hi Larry, just wanted to say congradulation as well. i have read many of you previous post and am glad you started a new one, make easy to continue read you thread, i have taken much of your advice and even followed your shared sites as well as your comments and suggestion, i’m still in recovery and find help in others journals, but i’, selection on what i take to build on to my recovery progress looking forward to your next sharing event thank you again as i much appreciate the the site and all the suggestions etc. coming to my sense may be a long ways away but surely i will get there !
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Hey Larry,
Here’s to the next two years-ODAAT!
Cheers!!
YSIR,
bettie
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Paul, Congratulations! Thank you for your support. I appreciate it.
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Dear Larry,
you have been a most important part of my recovery since I began posting in November, 2009. You shared the good times and the bad as we began to come to grips with our addiction. Always there with some heart felt advice and sometimes the needed words of comfort. It seems that many "recovery old timers" seem to dissapear from this site around two years of clean time. There are several theories as to why, moving on maybe, living life to the fullest hopefully. I know that there are many that go on to live gamble free ODAAT for the rest of their lives and i silently wish them all well. I cannot picture GT without your presence, that means so much to so many. You have been an inspiration Larry, and I know you have been inspired too. I am a very proud of you and will always be your sister in recovery. Well done on 2 years gamble free!!!!!!!!!
Luv Laura xoxo -
Well done on 2 g free years Larry!
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Congrads on your 2 years of GF time!! Thanks for your support!!!Seize all the good things in life
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I am a few days late, but congrats on your 2 years. Well done!!
Lynn -
Larry, Congrats on entering your 3rd year of being smarter, better, healthier and happier. A toast for your continued success with total-cessation and in all that you do.
Cheers,
Frozen -
Dear Larry, I always appreciate your postings, especially to new members as what you have to say is wise and well thought out. I never find it preachy or boastful or anything negative. I am always happy that you are telling it like it is. And you have the recovery to back up what you say. Thank you for the post today on my thread. Often times I forget how emotionally ill I was when I first came into recovery, and don’t recognize the progress I have made, because of the slips I have had. You are right that I am moving forward, but like many cgs, I lack patience and feel that I am not doing it as fast as I should. I worry about the interview even before I’ve been asked to interview. I struggle with following through on things, because at the time I don’t "feel like it." I have such a long way to go on working on character defects. When I first quit gambling i thought my only character defect was having become a liar. Lol! Carole
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Thanks for your recent posts Larry, Carole is right; your words are always wise and well thought out. I appreciate all you have said to me in recent weeks todays post particularly sums up perfectly my current situation. I have indeed a greater understanding of why certain things may have happened.
Cheers.
Geordie.Because recovery is priceless; I dont gamble. -
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Hi Larry
Your contribution to F&F forums is welcome. You do a lot for us and I hope you can feel the warmth that you give, reflected back, with interest.
As Ever
Velvet
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Happy Birthday Larry!!!!!!!
love ya!
bettie
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Happy Birthday x
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Happy, Happy Birthday Larry! Hope your day is as special as you are, and that you do celebrate the unique, wonderful person that are. Carole
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Dear Larry! Thank you for posting on my thread, as I do appreciate your words of encourgement and wisdom. I know that gambling was not a healthy response to the intense pain I was feeling that day. It didn’t give me any relief, other than occupy my thoughts for a short time. Like I said, I didn’t recognize that it was the first death anniversary with me working recovery, and it blind-sided me. I did not think at the time there was anything to be learned through the slip, but it has taught me to be better prepared for the next time Ron’s death could trigger the pain of our childhoods. I wish there was GA close by because I would surely go. I wish I had a sponsor. I wish I didn’t have to drive four hours for counselling apointments. I know these are things I can’t change. But I am thankful for you and the others who support me on GT, without which I would have no chance of recovery. When say I will try harder, I mean I will be more prepared for huge trigger times. Carole
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Happy Birthday Larry. May this year, and each additional year of your life, be more and more rewarding.
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Happy Birthday! How many candles on the cake? 🙂
MM -
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY(s) Larry!
enjoy your break! -
Dear Larry! I wish I was in New Orleans celebrating. Do tell us what it is like on a weekend there when you get back. Hope you have a great time and that your time there is everything you hope it is and more. Carole
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Hi Larry! Happy to hear that your trip to New Orleans was for the most part enjoyable. I mentioned this to someone else that Canadians were just as shocked, horrified, and saddened by "the day." To this day, it seems hard to believe that the events leading up to that day were so well orchestrated, and created such devastation and loss to so many. I can see that the date would trigger such sad memories for you, as you lost your wife and daughter, so you three were a casuality of that day, even though you weren’t living in the US then. I wish you a Happy Recovery day today. Carole
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Larry!
I just want to say thanks for taking an interest in my "case", for taking the time to write on my thread, and for ALL the support you give to everybody here. Your commitment is unfailing! Your input is a true testimony to recovery and can only be describes as a "Labour of Love". Reading and writing is not an easy task and it takes a lot of time and thought!
I really have lost my focous on TRUE RECOVERY. Lately, I feel I ve been fooling myself and others to the point where I don’t want to read, write or even think about GT. Once again I’m escaping to "neverneverland" and looking for every excuse to ruin my chances of recovery. The big question has to be answered! WHY?
I need to identify with people who are in your position Larry. Of course, I acknowledge that we are all here plodding along in our own place and at our own pace , but having someone to look up to does serve as an inspiration so just for today, Larry, I’m taking you on as my "role model", if that’s alright with you!
Recovery is so much more difficult than just "not gambling"! -
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Larry,
I found this spiritual anonymity post very interesting, even though I needed 2 strong cups of coffee to get my head even half way round it this afternoon.I think its saying rise above the ego and stuff like that.
I’m with it all in principle but I still feel I could only go to a gamanon meeting if I could wear the Harry Potter cloak of invisiblity.
Thank you for all your input and mentally challenging posts.
Jilly -
Thanks for posting to my thread Larry!
For some reason I’m only getting half the page but can make out your message.
Making "idols" of individuals, of course can be dangerous but I do think that those who persevere in recovery should be applauded and "looked up to" for inspiration and guidance. These people rise above their own personal hangups and ideas and adhere to the common objective. We all are responsible for our own actions but by acknowledging a "Higher Power", we learn to remain grateful to Him and to each other.Hunilty is the gift of every "Trusted Servant."
You have that gift Larry!
Time does act as a healer and since CGs are impatient, we often waste time by arguing, by disagreeing and above all chasing our losses and dwelling on the past.
Accepting the things we cannot change is the biggest step not just in the beginning but all throughout recovery. I think we need to remind each other to be patient enough to reflect on that first step.
"Not gambling for anything" is a powerful motto! It dispels the idea of winning, the notion of playing and the myth of fortune and luck. Suffice to say that a CG does not have the option to gamble….EVER!
Thanks for being here Larry! -
Dear Larry,
I see your name popping up beside mine this morning and wanted to stop by for a cuppa. I too thank you for being here Larry. For both us and yourself. May you have a great gamble free day and thank-you for the well wishes and early acknowledgement 🙂 Now i’m off for a walk to get the endorphins flowing, well, or at least gurgling! take care,
Laura -
Dear Larry! I want to ask your advice on a situation. Last year I met a woman in her 40’s who was working as a flag person on a road construction crew. Because I had an accomodation business I allowed her to move in for a few months and charged her very reasonable rent which she paid me. She has previously been in a rehab program for alcohol and smoking weed. She is also a compulsive gambler when she has the funds to do so. This woman has three adult children but is constantly moving from job to job after a few months and has no home of her own. I have met her two sisters and her one daughter and they are lovely people. She moved from my home after a few months as she went to spend time with friends who have a similar lifestyle as she does in a different part of the province, after her road construction ended. She is now staying with a friend in town here and has plans to take a bus back to where her friends of similar lifestyle are and look for a job there. She called me asking to "crash" at my home tomorrow night and I said yes. I offered her money for doing some cleaning and she readily agreed. She did have her things stored at my place after she moved but when I started recovery I asked her to move her things as I did not want any friends directly or indirectly that were addicts and not in recovery, around me as I was unstable in my recovery. She has no vehicle as she was charged with a DUI several years ago, and has fines to pay, etc. I called her this morning and talked to her and asked her if she was tired of living like she was and being so unsettled and she said she was. My question to you Larry is how much to help her as we all have had a leg up at times in our life. I’d appreciate your input. Carole
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Hiya Larry,
Thank you for your post, as usual you put a lot of thought into it.
Heres an interesting tidbit you might like….
My family nickname is Tootie (tutti). My father named me as a newborn, he called me little Toot and to this day, 40 years later my mum and siblings still use it.
I did smile to myself when Wayan said about the house for tutti!!!
Thanks again Larry, you made me smile this morning,
K xxxxxxxx
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan -
Good morning Larry,
it is past mid October already, how time is flying! Glad to see you staying strong my friend, ODAAT. The pot of coffee is on.
take care,
laura -
Dear Larry! Thank you for your kind post to me. I have to say that the past two nights have been hellish for me as I’ve had problems sleeping and once I do, I’m awake several times during the night. Obviously this situation with Helene is weighing heavily on my mind. I wish I would have read your answer to my question before Helene came here because I know that you’re right about some of the things you said, like her telling me what I want to hear, that she is tired of being unsettled. I don’t expect that things will be an different for her this time around, as she is accustomed to not having a place of her own and changing jobs every few months. Deeply entrenched behaviors are difficult to change unless a person is very motivated. Her last two jobs, the road construction one and a job cleaning in the oil field camps, she was involved in a lot of drama there. In spite of being a rcg myself, I don’t like drama or chaos; I enjoy a quiet environment free of stress, with lots of time to be online. She has told me she will help in the house with painting, etc. and she is not a lazy person. I am alone most of the time so I may enjoy having her as company, especially over the long cold winter. I do trust her with caring for my dogs if I go away, so that too is a benefit to me, as I can’t even go overnight anywhere ever unless I have someone to come in and care for my babies. She has never come back to my home after drinking too much but she did come back one night having smoked weed, and I didn’t care for her personality change that day. I am going to take it a day at a time and see how it goes with her. I am allowing her to stay and hopefully she’ll look for a job in a camp like she says she is going to. She did complete 5 years of income tax she had neglected recently and the gov’t took her refunds and applied them to her student loan so she no longer owes for that, which I see as a positive. I am just providing her a place to "crash" so I’m not going to get my hopes up that anything will change with her. Thanks for helping me fully realize that. That way I won’t be disappointed when my efforts to "help" her don’t materialize into anything but more of the same. Carole
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Thanks for you post yesterday and all your other posts … it really helpsOne day at a time my sweet lord…
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Hi Larry
thanks for your posts to me and hope you are having a good day, you have done so well in your recovery
Living with Hope -
Hi Larry,
You teach me new stuff all the time. I had no idea how to get to the stored threads. Like you I would like to send out an SOS to some of the "old timers" we rarely see anymore. A few come right to mind, Colin. Cully, Salina, Kin, Tim-just to name a few.
You are a thoughtful friend Larry.
Thanks!
bettie
ps How about those Cardinals?
— 10/30/2011 12:39:02 PM: post edited by bettie. -
Larry, Just wanted to thank you for your positive words. I am really trying, and I can feel that my husband is beginning to believe in my sincere desire to change. Although, I can’t make him any promises.
I know I will struggle, but I might as well reach for happiness. It can’t be harder, or take anymore energy than creating misery! God Bless. -
Hi Larry,
stopping by to thank you for your words of acknowledgement. I think my friend that I am following in your footsteps! And would be hopeless at filling your shoes! But, i have learned to accept compliments, good for the soul, so thanks again! Take care Larry, have a good evening.
Laura -
Hi Larry! Just checking your thread to see what’s new. You don’t post a lot about yourself and what you’re up to, so it’s difficult to get to know you. The gal I asked you about moved on after about 9 days. She found a job cleaning on the military base on the midnight shift. Because the company wouldn’t pick her up at my place in the country, social services put her up in a hotel in town, until she gets a full pay cheque. It was nice to have some company. I remember one time asking you about how to mentally ban myself. It took me about 9 months before I was able to do that. Happily, when a thought comes into my head about gambling, I can just dismiss it, because I have finally realized how dangerous this addiction is, and sitting in front of a machine is not worth risking my life for. Thanks for all the support you have given me. Carole
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Dear Larry! First of all, I want to congratulate you on almost 27 months of gamble free time. It’s a great accomplishment and a witness to other rcgs that it can be done, a day at a time. What a brilliant concept the one day at a time. I have wanted to tell you almost from the start that I was having a difficult time getting to know you and getting close to you like I have with other people from this site. Getting close to other people is difficult for some people as it represents fear that they can be hurt by that person. For myself, I would rather risk being hurt than not getting close, but I do choose the people I want to be close to. Most of us don’t have any big events in our life on a day to day basis. My life would be considered boring by most people. I don’t work and am home alone most days as my husband works out of town. The big event in my life right now is the new GA group. When I started to read your post where you said getting to know myself would be getting to know you, my initial thought was "now there’s a cop-out." But then I read the rest of your post and was very happy to see that you did share some of your personal life. I am interested to hear about what you do when you go to New Orleans, what you saw, what you ate, etc. And I’m sure you have cute or funny stories about your granddaughter. But of course that will be up to you whether you let us into that part of your life. I hope that you know me well enough to know that none of this is meant as critisism. I just want to know who you are besides being a rcg. Carole
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Hi Larry, I just read your last post. Of all your posts, this one really touched me and meant the most to me. Although, advice from someone who has been in recovery as long as you have is very much appreciated, to me sharing a piece of yourself with others means so much more. We share our human stories of stuggle and triumphs to discover our own insights and also hope that others will see themselves in our stories and they will benefit as well. I want to thank you for making yourself vulnerable, by sharing a bit of your past and present life with us. Sharing our feelings of guilt and our regrets isn’t easy, it is the human condition that we all have in common. For whatever reason, and I am not really sure why, it helps to know that I am not the only one who struggles.
Any way, I admire you very much, and I hope you continue to share. I do understand why you would not want to dwell on the past, and it could not have been easy to share. I hope you decide to share a little more of yourself and your life with us. Whether you decide to do that or not is up to you, but now when I read your posts, I can see a real person who still struggles with his past and still struggles to stay gamble free.
When I post, i have a hard time knowing what to say. Sometimes, I can hardly believe that it is me who is writing. You do such a good job, and your input and consistent posts mean alot to the success of this forum. Thanks again. God Bless. -
Hiya Larry,
I was just thinking about you.
I think you are an amazing part of this forum, i for one, am very very grateful you are here.
Sending a little love your way today my friend,
Love Kathryn xxxxx
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan -
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Hi Larry, Glad you didn’t gamble!
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Happy Thanksgiving, one day early. I’m busy cooking and will be cooking tomorrow and enjoying time with my family. Just wanted to say happy Thanksgiving and to say I’m glad you won’t be eating Thanksgiving dinner at a casino buffet this year!!! Sending gratitude your way for all you do to help others on this site.
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Hi Larry,
Just sitting here waiting for my friend who was suposted to be here hours ago so I could do their hair. I am a bit frustrated, as I feel taken for granted. Had a situtation at work that was similar-must be something in the air.
I know you had not banned at the casino but might I suggest it? When these wild hair thoughts come to my mind I remember that I am banned and that thought holds me until common sence comes back and the thought of gambling leaves.
As I count my Thanksgiving blessings I count our friendship and mutual support high on the list.
Thank you, my friend!
peace
bettie
ps the pumpkins pies are especialy good this year! -
Thanks for sharing. It’s good to hear how you reasoned yourself out of ‘the excuse’ to gamble and then to plan on eating where there wouldn’t be the temptation to gamble. You’re a great role model for the rest of us.
I’m glad you can have Thanksgiving with your family. Wishing your family a wonderful Thanksgiving. -
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Life is good indeed, Larry. While the Canadian Thanksgiving is a distant memory, I do love the holiday. I’m not in very good shape having given into weakness recently, but reading your post gave me hope and a bit more strength this evening. Having so recently fallen, the thought of rushing back is my constant companion. Even tonight, my husband is out of town, my kids are finally old enough to be on their own and I could go out if I chose. But I’m staying close to the forum and I’m reading my heart out on Google on changing negative thought patterns. This is helping me for tonight. Just a few minutes ago, there was a frenzied ringing on my doorbell. It was the young man next door who had locked himself out, leaving his sleeping baby inside. He was frantic, asking for my husband and looking for various tools to try and get in. Thankfully, I’m home (not out getting into trouble) AND I’m creative. He tried for a long time to take out a window, to no avail. I convinced him to use my method of getting in the back door. (Don’t ask how a lovely girl like me knows how to break into a house, lol!!) Anyway, the poor man almost cried with relief when he got inside … and just within the nick of time too. The baby was waking up. It felt so good to be there and be able to help. The small joys … it’s lovely when we’re present enough to enjoy them. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend. Love, RG
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Sounds as if you are going through a rough patch Larry, but we can’t blame our actions for everything that goes wrong…its my sons birthday today. I put myself out to make arrangements which he failed to comply with..some beyond his control so Im going to drive to collect him now…we ll be home at ten pm when most of his "day" will be over…Its tiring being the one making all the effort but all we can do is our best in any situation. I will not get overinvolved with his problems tonight. He has walked out of his new job(again) ….has no money etc etc..
I can relate to that disappointmenent of getting a special present for your daughter, only to discover that she has bought it for herself….no joy in life when we succumb to instant gratification…nothing keft to look forward to…happened me with hubby a few times…had things wrapped up as a Christmas surprise and he just went out a few weeks before and bought the thing for himself…remember there are somethings that money cannot buy Larry…Hold on to those things…
Sorry for rushed post…facing out in the wet windy weather will remind me of all the other nights I left my sons waiting when I was gambling and couldnt leave to collect them, so…Im off
God bless! -
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Hi Larry, You are such a caring, compassionate person. I am sorry you are hurting concerning your daughter in France. It must be very difficult not being with her. I am thinking that your gift was your way of letting her know how much you love her and wish you could be with her. Very disappointing, but I am sure you will find another way of letting her know how much she means to you, and you would be with her if it were at all possible. As far as her realtionship with her mother, you can’t really control that, just hope and pray for the best. I know you will continue to send her all your love and support because inspite of the feelings you have about the person you were in your past, this is the person you are NOW.
As far as your morning routine, don’t be unselfish. Do whatever serves you and your recovery best.
Thanks for your insights on my dream. I hadn’t thought about calling in the plumber. Thought maybe I would just keep flushing, flushing, flushing! You are not the first person on the site who has suggested a therapist. Hmm. I did talk to husband this morning, and although I didn’t admit to the extent of the damage done last week, I did tell him that I needed his help. He would have to control the money and I was not strong enough to do this on my own. Baby steps. As far as those cries for help, next time I need help, I think I’ll just ask and forego the theatrics. I would like to think that I am beginning to growing up–but oh these growing pains!
Stay strong, and thank you for all you contribute and mean to this site.
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Hi Larry i think it is fantastic the way that you are so aware of everything in recovery, you have been an inspiration to me with your words and thoughts. Hope that work situation settles in just fine for you
Living with Hope -
Larry I just want to tell you that this time 3 years ago I was driving home from my favourite casino, a FREE WOMAN! I had self excluded!
Although, of course I did find other devil’s dens, I never set foot in those sister casinos in those 3 years!
Self exclusion does work! -
Hi Larry,
I missed your thanksgiving posts but have caught up before the next turkey holiday. It is Sunday morning early for me and I’m happy to have a couple hours of reading and posting, and maybe some chatting, while i have my coffee.
You are present in the conversation with your daughters, no matter how uncomfortable things get. Being abstinent is really allowing you to be the father you want to be, the one that is there. If you were gambling your daughter in France wouldn’t be able to talk to her dad and share and express her concerns. I don’t know her age Larry, but if she is in that teenage faze, they often are contrary by nature! But at the same time they are registering that you are there and you are sharing your feelings with them as well. Do you skype? Just a thought!
I hope you are able to save up some of those extra dollars to do something nice for yourself. Beating yourself up now won’t correct the past. And feeling deprived can drive us back to the gambling. Realistic rewards and maybe something a little more than an extra cup of coffee! Thank-you Larry for being who you are.
take care,
Laura -
Hi Larry just wanted to say i hope you have a great gamble free day and i think you have done such an amazing job with your recovery
Living with Hope -
Dear Larry,
started reading your journal and found this post which is very relevant for me and i think may help some others who have just started their recovery recently.. it shows our determination and committment and how it is different from the attempts which we make and then relapse..
once again thank you for writing in this forum..
regards
sunny
– One Month Anniversary
Hi … My name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler. My last day to gamble was August 13, 2009.
While I am very pleased that I can make this statement today, I find it hard to believe. I can not start to name the times that I hopelessly said that I would not gamble for one month, or for one week or even a week-end. I have also tried, and failed, to condition my gambling until a certain event, like the next full moon, or I would only gamble it I won a hand of Solitaire, or until my next payday.
The problems with those past attempts were that; one – they were giving me the option to gamble again, so when I slipped I merely resumed gambling earlier then planned, not failed in my goal (although, I did on occasion keep my word not to gamble until my next payday, but, when I often failed at this goal, it cost me even more in the high overdraft and returned check fees); and , two – the time frames I set, even the "one week" or "few days" restrictions, left open too big a gap for outside influences to weaken my reserve.
Now, I only say, and solemnly pledge, that I will not gamble for today. This total commitment not to gamble, even for just that one day, completely removes the "until" time that was to allow myself to gamble again; and, it greatly restricts the time frame left open for all the outside forces to interfere to only 24 hours (this shorter 24 hour window is further reduced by filling it with other actives, and the outside forces are hindered by the barriers I have put in place).
Far me to be able to begin by Month 2 tomorrow, I have to continue to be gambling free today; to help me accomplish this, I pledge that I will not gamble today.
Thank all of you here for the support and engorgement that I have gained through all your post and your sharing of your means to combat this disease. In return for your help I can only offer these few words of advice, "make and keep this same Daily Pledge, and travel your path One Day At A Time". Again, thank you.
Larry, aka Paul315"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – No matter how long in the program, I realize that without help and strength I might have to, but hopefully not, begin a new Day Two from time to time.
— 11/3/2009 11:42:10 AM: post edited by paul315.
tomorrow will be better than yesterday. -
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Glad to hear your Christmas plans are going well Larry!
Like "banning", our plans and dreams are very much in the mind. A positive attitude can have a knock on effect!
God grant us all the Serenity to accept the things we cannot change.
Life will never be perfect, but gambling will only serve to magnify it’s imperfections , so lets stay positive and G free !
Today, I will not gamble! -
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Dear Larry! First of all let me thank you again for the persceptive you provided to me regarding others actions regarding grieving. I was even prepared if someone had brought the ham that Mom usually brought. I was not going to say a thing about it, and let whomever brought it, cut it up. Thankfully there was no ham to deal with. I went into Christmas Day with a relaxed attitude and my feelings were that everything didn’t have to be perfect regarding the meal and what transpired that day. I was able to relax and even enjoy some parts of the day. I will not concern myself with how others are grieving or seemingly not grieving. Just because it’s different than what I do, doesn’t make it wrong. My intent this coming year is to work on worrying less about the things I cannot control. I look forward to the next year in recovery. It’s another new beginning for all of us. I want to acknowledge your growth at being able to share on a much more personal level. It makes you seem more "human" with struggles like the rest of us. And I like that person more because I know you more now. Happy New Year Larry! Carole
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Dear Larry,
another christmas day has passed, another milestone, another gamble free day. I’m so happy you were able to find a thoughtful and personal gift for your daughter. It is a way of supporting her and acknowledging her talent. Just as you are rebuilding a different life after gambling, one day at a time, you are rebuilding a relationship with your daughter, a different one, but one day at a time it is rebuilding. I’m happy for you 🙂 We can’t change the past but we are responsible for today.
I started the above post yesterday afternoon and am just getting back to my pc now, with my morning coffee. But that is part of my learning to live healthier. It was a day of pitching in for family when needed and i was present to help in all ways. It gave me an opportunity to spend some quality time and lend a hand. I hope you will forgive another delay in posting you personal Seasons Greetings but i know you will understand. Thank-you for the beautiful gift of your friendship. I know without hesistation you are there for me in my recovery.
Enjoy your day Larry, enjoy the rest of 2011, soon it will be Happy New Year.
Take care xo
Laura -
You got it in one on my thread Larry..
If recovery is going to overpower me, I might as well be gambling.
I dont want to be a slave to anything.
Gambling or recovery!
Re covery can, unfortunately, un cover the issues gambling served to cover. these actions may have caused us to gamble initially.
Being AWARE of this, may or may not cause us to spring into action. If we are just re acting to life, we will be no different to the slave who gambled compulsively. Anything which becomes a compulsion enslaves us. We need to drop ALL our desires Larry.
My biggest desire is staring me in the eye right now. Recognising that desire is part of recovery. I’m trying to "receive my demons", one day at a time. -
It is good to read your thoughts on, and of having, a strong mindset. one of my strongest tools is what I refer to ofter as a mental ban on gambling. This works for me better that a self-ban at different locations, bans that the casinos let you break, as long as it is to their advantage, and bans that some spend to much time and energy on getting past, resources that could be of better use in working on recovery. Staying and thinking positive is the backbone of a successful program.
Hi Larry – and Happy New Year to you –
I wanted to throw in a few thoughts on what you posted to another member. A formal ban at a casino can be a way of reinforcing a mental ban. I take my ban very seriously, unlike others who look for ways around theirs. I’m here to enjoy a better life, to make better choices, not to play games. I have always been a very honest person, honest to the point of stupidity at times. And when I sign my name to that document, I will keep to my word. What the casino does or doesn’t do is up to them and no concern of mine. I have mentally drawn a line that includes any casino and adjacent parking lots and will not step into that ring of fire. To me it is a taboo as strong as any. Another thing is that the contract states " I acknowledge I may have a gambling problem ". When I sign my name to that, there is no option to minimize or deny any longer.
My mother wanted me to accompany her to Laughlin Nevada this winter so she could spend a few days with her slot machines and before I was a CG that might have been an option. But to walk through a casino vioates my mental ban, even tho Nevada is way out of my legal jurisdiction.
Here in Alberta one ban covers the entire province, a province bigger than the state of California, and is administered by the provincial government. it is a much better system than the piecemeal approach taken elsewhere. Treatment options available here are excellent and readily available at very low cost, even free for those who have no money. The goverment here has recently undertaken a campaign urging adults not to buy scratch tickets for minors and not to encourage children to gamble. Very positive things indeed.
Wishing you a Happy New Year of recovery.
redsJust for today, I will not gamble away my time, freedom or peace of mind. -
Hey Larry
Happy New Year to you. I have enjoyed reading all your input for 2011 and hope to read lots more of it in 2012.
Living with Hope -
If I were to post HAPPY NEW YEAR on everyone’s thread , I would be up all night and still miss someone, so, since your thread has the most "views" and "reads", I ll say it here, Larry and a big thank you for being my MENTOR!
NEW YEAR BLESSINGS TO YOU AND YOUR’S and to ALL who look at this thread! -
unfortunately I am back…could use some support..so so tired of all this!
this to shall pass -
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Hi Larry! Thanks for posting to my thread yesterday. I love getting a post from you. I read it three times then read it aloud to my son!
I’m happy to hear you are not being controlled by either gambling or recovery, Larry! The opposite to control is freedom. I think that comes only with the years! We spend our childhood being controlled by impulses and the restrictions adults put on these impulses! As adolescents, we are controlled by a mixture of hormones, fear of the consequences of our actions and in some cases the fear of God. In marriage our children control us during their childhood and teenage years, and just when we think we are free, many so called mature adults realise we have become slaves! Slaves to our convictions, slaves to society, to our desires, to gambling, alcohol, drugs even slaves to our GOD! Until one day we wake up and have to admit that our lives are in a shambles and we didn’t even see it coming until it was too late…
Of course it’s never too late Larry!That thing we call recovery is really just us slaves learning how to drop our attachments. One by one we examine our desires, whether it is a down town trip to hear a band, a choice between staying in or going out for a nigt, a trip to the casino, whatever, when we SEE it for what it is, we are no longer under that’s objects control. We become aware of it’s true worth and in that awareness , we learn to drop it! and lo and behold, we are FREE!
Long live freedom!
Lonh live recovery! -
Dear Larry! I agree with you that in early recovery, we have to be supervigilant in the planning of our time so that we do not put ourselves in situations that we don’t yet have the skills to handle. I do have access to money now after a year of recovery work, because I have a debit card that I carry, with a withdrawl limit that I would gamble with, should I choose to. I also carry a credit card that allows me to access cash should I choose to do so. But I don’t go to town if I have gambling urges or I take a neighbour with me. I pay my bills online so I rarely have to go into the bank. I still put in barriers but they are more mental barriers. If carrying these cards became a problem for me, I would go back to not having access to enough cash to gamble with. I am responsible for the choices I make. Carole
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