[wayneo]

im 35 irish man. ive gambled for as long as i could remember, i missed out on so many opportunites because of gambling. ive sold everything i had and everything i buy ends up being sold. i think of gambling more than anything else. i go to sleep thinking about it and wake up thinking about gambling. i have nothing in terms of possesions. ive neglected my family and have become a loner.
no matter how much i lose and no matter how hard i try to convince myself gambling doesnt work and its destoryed my life i keep doing it. im in fear of breaking this horrible habit as i dont know any other way of living. im obsessed with gambling. most days i think of suicide but dont think i can do it to my family, also i believe in an afterlife and feel to kill yourself is a way to make sure you are not going to heaven or afterlife, if i didnt think this way i would be gone already easy way to solve the problem!
i have stopped drinking smoking and taking valium i was addicted to these and have being clear 6 months, i found these incredilbly diffucult and cant believe i finally gave them up it was hell doing it rehab 3 times countless meetings, shrinks you name it.
But gambling is something i cant get a hold off you dont get a pill or symphaty your alone and not one person understands the mental torment and torture i go threw on a daily basis the days i sit there hungary and hiding or the guilt i feel after doing it again and again,
this gambling doesnt let up. im at a lose i dont have money for therapy nothing, im just a bout able to keep a roof over my head. i lost my job, im broke in debt alone and scared. have to keep trying but how do i conquer this???
im trying to start over a new life but have no starting point or support and self esteem is rock bottom.
ANY ADVICE!

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