[female g]

I’m back and intend on staying for a long time. I look forward to catching up with many of the folks from the past and getting to know the new members as well

[female g]

I am trying to do this right this time. If I wasn’t so tired I would post more information. Looking forward to all your comments

[Dunc]

<

Hi FG thanks for starting a new thread thread in the Gambling Therapy forums, im so sorry we couldn’t find your old thread.

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[vera]

Welcome back FG
Looking forward to keeping in touch through the groups and on this and other threads.
One day at a time!

[female g]

Hey Vera , how are you doing . Did you son show up and was it a nice visit ? Today is Canada’s 148th birthday. So we will celebrate with fireworks tonight. Always fun. especially with the little ones. Hope you are in a good place xoxo

[vera]

Enjoy the celebrations, FG
Yes, he did turn up. Stayed one night and vanished again, as they do!

[p]

OH wow was i so delighted to see your post today.. what a suprise. Im sorry that you are still gambling but so glad that you are back.. i have often wondered how you are doing and used to love seeing you here.. well done on getting here FG, youve made my day

P

[female g]

how was the past week for you my friend?? Another week down fr me . All is well and I am enjoying my week off.

[female g]

well I am glad to see such a familiar friend here and hope to stay put this time knowing I am no longer in control and that I will fully admit to that this go around. looking forward to your support and to offer mine when ever needed. I am so happy to get back on track where I was always made to feel comfort and pull strength from all my friends and cg’s . xoxox

[female g]

hi all, hope your all enjoying life without gambling or working towards that goal.
I’ve been on holiday for a week and on Monday its back to work for me.
I’ve kept quite busy, and fulfilled for sure. Took some time to visit my sister (4 hrs away) and my niece and even my foster mom and her sisterinlaw who I have always felt close to. Its nice to focus in on relationships and it takes my mind away from the destructive life of gambling.
I am going to work on rebuilding these relationships and learn to be satisfied with the simple things. no chasing the impossible dream anymore.
My hubby has been very supportive and when I sense frustration I am quick to point out the importance of his help towards my recovery and he bounces right back.
There will be work on that side of it down the road but for now its slow and easy. That is very important to me.

[p]

Hi there, hope your day is going well. Its great to see you back here, the forum changes people come and go, some just post less others dont return and some stick like glue, like me… But ive had my times of disappearing , i always return though and so glad you have fg.
Hows your time gamble free so far. I love that you are working on relatioships and things that matter. There are lots of things that become moe important. I think recovery has a way of showing the simple things in life.

P

[female g]

thanks for the post. I appreciate the time you took. I am doing well. I guess its a month now, and i have so many barriers in place there is a slim to none chance for me to gamble.
the thing i don’t like right now are the thoughts that run through my brain. its like a non stop battle. I find myself trying to find a way to go and in the next thought i am thinking about why I can’t gamble anymore. I think its a matter of time before these thoughts subside so I am glad I have any access to cash tied up now. How are you doing these days ?? hope you are feeling strong like a warrior !!! hope we can chat soon xoxo FG

[female g]

I just wanted you to know I’m in a good place at the moment. Hoping you are too. The worst day for me is Thursday because that is when I would normally gamble . Its because that is the end of my work week and when I had enough money put together to go. Not every thursday but at least once a month or more if the money was available. It felt good to actually ask my hubby to be there for me this past thursday and even better when he followed through.
I went to my Doctor and he has agreed to do some hypnotherapy to deal with my strong urges., I have to wait till October but knowing that will help alot.
I had a good weekend with Family for the most part. I.m dealing with my son trying to put his marriage back together and that is rough. but I will muddle through. We talked with my Doctor about it as well and after alot of tears I was able to take saway some good advice from him. I tried to get through to my daughter inlaw but that isn’t going very well at the moment. For the time being I will leave it alone and hope that it will be ok. My son has broken her trust and that is usually a deal breaker but we will have to wait and see if they will try to get back together in time. He his at our house for over 4 months now. The good thing is we live on the same street so it makes things easier to work around. Anyway I wanted you to know where things were at and keep you updated . hope your managing well with things too and I look forward to hearing from you xoFG

[female g]

I have tried so many times to chat and no one is ever around. In the past I was always able to find people to share with, maybe its because its summer???
Anyway i am at the beginning of another week in recovery and staying focused.
I have lots of thoughts that run though my head but am dealing with them and tightly controlling my barriers at this time.FG

[female g]

I was so happy to talk with P, Vera, Ken, Thelma and Liberty !!! awesome. hope I can continue t connect xoxo

[female g]

I had a really nice day (after my dentist appt) , went for a nice dinner out with hubby and paid for it myself and that felt good knowing I had the extra cash and didn’t expect my hubby to pay.
Enjoyed finding a few treasures for my loved ones that were awesome deals.
Called over my good friend and enjoyed the company. It was a beautiful night and we enjoyed a few gin and tonics and a good laugh.
Then a late night movie with my hubby to top it all off. Slept like a baby xoxFG

[cat438]

WTG FG for coming back and continuing the battle of this gambling addiction/compulsive gambling. I know you posted something on Lizbeth’s forum one day about being positive and it really helped me when I read it so I wanted to thank you for that.. Have an awesome day!!!

[female g]

Thanks Cat for that. I find moments when I really want to reach out to others and in doing so it inspires me to do better and to be a better person.
Its also inspiring to read about how other ga’s cope with this insanity that can control our lives and take our souls.
I think we have talked as well in the past. Am I right??
I did in fact have an awesome day and weekend.
We had a wonderful meal made by Korean girls who are here for the summer. They made the meal at my home and we shared it with 8 other people. It was a typical meal they would serve on special occasions like birthdays.
Its really nice to do things that are not only fun but interesting as well
I return to work tomorrow for another gamble free week. Its good to know I.m paying off dept and not throwing away money in a casino. Progress is being made. xoxoFG

[female g]

had a swim and workout and now its time to get ready for work Feeling good!!

[p]

Hi just wanted to say how happy i am for you, you are doing really well. Its good you keep fit and healthy. The korean meal would have beenan experience. Well done FG onyour gamble free time.

P

[female g]

slow slow night at work so I am home quite early. Thanks for dropping in always happy to hear from you (P) . In the past i may have run to a casino thinking I had time to spare to play, instead I’m running home to chill and write on my journal. That’s progress for sure.
Its so nice I might go for a relaxing swim not the workout type. its 23 c out there and very calm., I just wish someone could join me and I feel bad getting hubby up tonight. Oh well its not the end of the world. I’ll bring my music out that will help.xoxoFG

[kin]

Dear G,

well done on staying clean ODAAT

Thoughts
have time and money to spare

Feelings
go to a casino

Actions
go for a relaxing swim

[Névtelen]

Hi female G, it is so good to read how positive you are about life.I think I might look up a Korean recipe..sounds yummy!your life sounds so full now..i am really happy for you.I remember you from your old thread.

[female g]

One thing for sure worth mentioning is how happy I was to see so many familiar people still here. it felt like coming home. The names are recognizable more and more and I look forward to staying connected to you guys.
I have always been a positive person in every area of life so it makes it easier to get through things I think. I also feel that I am flawed and that is why I can’t gamble. I admit that if it wasn’t so costly I would be there in a NewYork Minute.
So I can’t allow myself opportunity to go.
I hope in time the desire to go diminishes and I will learn to be content with the great life I have and realize there is enough other things to make me happy and keep me busy.xoxoFG

[p]

When you said you felt like you were coming home, i felt like part of the family had returned too, my online family of friends from across the globe.. even though its been years FG since i saw your post it was instant recognition when you came back and posted and relief to think another one has come back..
Its so nice to see, as most of the time we never know what happens to those that dont come back and post.
I am glad you are doing well, i am listening to some music it is making me feel so relaxed and at peace.. there is such power in music. I love it.

P

[female g]

it took awhile but summer is really here now in all its glory.
just got in from a swim. Its still over 20 c out there. These are perfect summer nights Great for walking in the evenings. Another week and all remains well. It is getting easier but the urges are still in my head.
This weekI am all alone becauce my hubby is going to Florida to help my son with his kids. At first I hear

d he was planning on leaving them in their hotel room while he attended meetings for work. I wasn’t having it so I told him Bill would have to go if his wife isn’t going. So they are off to Florida on a 8 am flight and don’t get home till Mon night after 1 am. 🙁
Oh well I will be working anyway and my daughter is planning a sleep over Friday night. That should be fun.
I will rest easier knowing the children are properly taken care of. Wekk its late and i must get my sleep xoxoFG.

[p]

It’s so nice having you here again. So happy for you that you are gamble free. If you have free time plan to fill it with good things in advance. Well done fg. Enjoy the swimming.

P

[female g]

fist of 5 days off and it was good. Slept 12 hrs. Then shopped abit and then met up with my daughter and family for dinner and a movie.
I’m home now and I’m going to do some organizing my drawers and watch tv while i have the place to myself.
Maybe a late swim after. see ya FG

[p]

Hi FG hope you are having some nice downtime for yourself. Funny you were organizing drawers, i have to do the same, its on my list lol.. hasnt happened yet but its on the list..
Sounds like you are settling in to the gamble free life a bit more and doing other things with your time.. love that you swim all the time, what bliss.. would love a pool.. have fun FG enjoy your time

P

[female g]

. I had a nice evening with my daughters inlaws It was nice to visit and I enjoyed steak and some great wine too.
I made some
headway on reorginization. Kitchen done now its my
drawers to sort through. I like to put the tv on and go through things nice and slowly. When hubby is here I never get those things done so its working out just fine.

thanks P for dropping in xoxoFG

[vera]

I read on Kathryn’s Thread, FG, where you said the excitement of gambling seems to override the reality and how you would live in a casino if there were no down sides to gambling.
I feel exactly the same, FG. Gambling was my First Love but when it sucks the very soul out of you , not to mention the money, the relationships, health etc etc etc, we have to kiss it goodbye and NEVER go back to the Hell that gambling becomes when we cross the line of no return.
I met a woman one night in a casino a few years ago ( I met hundreds actually but I remember this one especially). Glamorous, but looked sad. In her 50s. Playing on small bets. We got chatting and she told me she had nothing to live for. Her husband had given her so many „second chances” that she thought he would never carry out his threat to „pack his bags”if she didn’t stop gambling . Long story short, she told me she arrived home in the early hours a few years later and the house was silent. He was GONE…..then her phone rang and I noticed she became irritable and snappy. She said „that’s my son trying to control me now…”!!!!!!
Very sad to witness such a legacy first hand. I’m sure it happens far more often than most CGs care to admit.
We were lucky we got out in time, FG.
The feelings (highs) were great when we were on a roll but let us never forget the hangover and the high price we paid and could still pay for what we thought was fun.
Well done on turning your life around.

[female g]

I remain continually shocked at how our little time it takes to forget the anxiety that sets in after a night of binge gambling.
wouldn’t it be beneficial if every time an urge creeps in we could experience that anxiety and that would be enough to keep us away.
It seems that once I get back on track and my life feels normal I want to go again. You’d think Id be happy that things are good and that I could realize that the results I am achieving would be enough,but it dosen’t feel that way.
The only thing that keeps me out of the casino today is the fact that I have no access to cash. The resuts from that are good for now and my hubby won’t be upset.
I hope I never have to feel like that woman Vera It would be horrible but this addicton has a power that can’t be explained easily because it varies so much in each and everyone off us .
I can be satisfied that no damage was done this week at least. It was tough being alone xoxo FG

[female g]

not very busy tonight, but that is usual for summer anyway. So I thought i would get out early and decided to ask my hubby to watch a movie since we hadn’t had a chance to spend time together since he didn’t get in until almost 5 am tuesday. Well he wasn’t too keen on the idea. I said go and sleep and I’ll wake you up when I get in. As it turned out he really didn’t feel well so when I got in I had decided to forget trying to wake him up and just hang by myself. After an hour or so he got up and came down to join me. So very sweet !!!
We didn’t watch a movie, instead we just watched the housewives haha. We held hands and sat close together for an hour. Its all I needed. I am happy 🙂

[female g]

still on track but still having huge urges. yuck!!!
No money honey so no damage can be done.
Wish I could have a go.
I am ok though
FG

[female g]

such a great few days spent at a friends cottage. The best weather ever. I spent a great deal of time in the water.
Just an amazing weekend spent with adults. We drank my delicious Marguritas, sun bathed and talked alot, we played games,getting along great.
Not a moment spent on gambling urges.

[p]

That sounds wonderful, what a beautiful time. What a difference than to gambling hey. Well done on coming back and getting back into recovery… Hope to see you in chat soon

P

[female g]

thanks for the post and man I never seem able to chat these days. The only available time slot I see is Monday or friday afternoon and I haven’t been able to make the time sots. 🙁 I can’t believe how strong my urges were tonight. I kept trying to think of ways to get my hands on some money to go. I even considered asking my hubby for some money to go!!! yikes!!! That would have been insane but after a few hours the urge passed and I came to my senses and was glad there was no money to be had.
Instead I got myself a burger and went home. I’m having coffee now and talking about it instead.
Thank goodness I’m safe for now FG

[female g]

Last night myself and about 20 others went to watch my daughter perform in the band „HighOctane” as the lead singer.
I couldn’t believe it, it was incredible and so exciting….
She sang at least 45 songs (rock and roll) and a few current songs too. Wow Wow Wow so much fun!!!!!

[p]

You seem to do a lot of fun things! It’s great to read, wonderful to hear of these things and that you are staying gamble free. These things are so much more real than gambling ever could be. Gambling is such a fake world isn’t it, an illusion that it’s fun when it’s breaking us down, well done FG

P

[Dunc]

Testing FG Replies

[bettie]

You know it’s funny to find myself back in this position after so much time. I’m glad to see you’re on the site. Come back and post a few. Thanks for thinking about me.

[female g]

ok yes I gambled. to most that is no big surprise right?? I needed to come clean about it at least here. I wasn’t able to cause much damage since I had just a few hundred dollars. I had the extra cash so I didn’t feel bad loosing that much. I am going to try not to go back but I feel bad that I gave in to the urge. I will not tell my hubby because it would just hurt him and make him angry and I don’t think I can handle that. I will carry on and try to do better.
I won’t dismiss the fact that I was doing well and can do better. I’m not chasing loses and haven’t any financial setbacks. Back to work Tuesday and I can put this behind me. i will not fail completely ever again. I just stepped backward for a few hours. Its time to walk forward and head for the right direction. Here I go again one day at a time FG

[female g]

swimming on the hottest day of the year weird eh!! you’d think it wa the middle of July!!!
Going to shop with my daughter later and get school shoes for my granddaughter. Later relax with my hubby has he rolls up the last day before school.

[charles]

Well done on getting back and posting FG. Not gambling and moving forward in recovery we can all enjoy those hot days.

[female g]

well I already miss summer holidays. My hubby has returned to work teaching.
I wanted him to retire this year but couldn’t get him to agree because he feels fearful to stop doing what he loves. He is afraid he will be bored and end up sitting and doing nothing.
not even possible knowing this man but he is afraid of the unknown.
the last weekend of summer was amazing; 2 days spent with my daughters and grandkids at a waterpark. Saturday was a chill day. Sunday a cleaning day that resulted in a sparkling clean home. Yesterday was a swimming day shopping day and out to dinner with my hubby followed up with some one on one time lol.
Now its back to work and working on paying now more of the mortgage and debt. I just found out we are down to 100 thou left on the mortgage. We have paid off 45 thou over 15 months. That felt good to see. Going to stay focused on that for the next 15 months and see another 45 thou disappear.
Then decide on what to do then. That should give me time to pay my debt too. So now I have the goal in place I must focus and get things done. I hope I can do this. I will try my best.FG

[female g]

O man,
I just have a minute to tell someone the ugly truth. I gambled again and spent a lot of money 🙁
Stayed up all night and now I have to go to work with 1 hr sleep
I surely have lost it.FG

[charles]

Hi FG, well done on coming here and being honest.

Now, maybe scroll up a dozen or two posts…. see how supportive your husband was being? Why not be honest with him again?

[bettie]

I hear you loud and clear.
I had the urge today but came home instead.
some sayings keep rolling i my head.
„1 bet is to many yet 1000 is not enough”
This is an illiness that is progressive in nature.
I am never happy with $20 to bet with, I always need more and more.
„I have lots of bets left in me but the question is do I have even one more recovery?”
I don’t want to risk finding out.
bettie

[female g]

first thanks Bettie for your support and helpful words.:)
What I hate about gambling??? EVERYTHING!!!!
The other night I fell off to sleep and woke up tossing and turning. Then thoughts starting running through my brain about the effect of this addiction is and has had on me over the past 15 years.
I decided to try to put these thoughts and feelings into words that I or anyone else, the slightest bit interested can reflect on.
What has gambling taken from me??? I will list as many take aways as I can
1- Lots of my time
2-lots of my money
3-my control of my life
4-my true self
5-my ability to make good judgements
the things it has caused me to do
1- to lie or deny (only in regards to amounts spent or times went)
2-to be sneaky (to facilate gamblng)
3-to overspend ( to overlook the value of money)
4-to risk my safety ( driving home with very little sleep)
5-to risk relationships( taking advantage of loved ones ignorance to the addiction)
6- To be weak ( giving in to urges)
What I have come to realize
1- first and foremost I need to quit gambling
2- This is something I can no longer control alone.
3-A want to be done with this.
4-Its ok to ask for help
5-The necessity to quit
What will I do next?
1- get help and stop depending on me, myself and I
2-make arrangements to do hypnosis.
3-go for counselling
4-call on my supportive husband
5- just do what I can but do it well
6- don’t stress over dept repayment
So these are some of my thoughts and beliefs, and I am in this fight for all the right reasons I believe. I no 100% that I am addicted to gambling but I don’t have to ever go again.I know that without gambling I am a very happy and complete person. Its gambling that distorts who I am and I no longer want to let it change me. I want to be my best self from here on in. I think I have come to see that nothing good ever comes from gambling.
I have this saying I’ve said for years, it goes like this ” The Lord gave me big work hands and big feet because he knew I would need them to work hard my whole life.” My life has been good through my hard work and I should be satisfied with it. Chasing dreams and false hopes have only ever left me disappointed. So my revelation is no easy peasy way for me, just hard work will be right for me. I am always fulfilled when I’m working and doing this or that is the best way.
I am done with this for now and forever I hope. FG

[female g]

Not sure why, but I am feeling abit down. Perhaps its aftermath from gambling and loosing alot last Wenesday. I will feel better once I pay down the loses. I am happy to say I am able to pay 500 this week. I am not feeling any urges at this time and hope not to. I just want to get passed this mistake as fast as possible. I was quite busy this week and didn’t get a chance to look into a therapist. I’m not convinced I’ll follow through on that but I will certainly follow through with hypnotherapy. I have 3 sessions booked into November and December. I think I can hold on until then.
I had a great day today. I went to pick up my grand daughter early from school and we went to a farm with a friend and her grandson. We all had fun and then after the grand kids left we and our friends had a great meal together. And after they left hubby and I watched a movie. It was an overall great day so I am not sure what has me feeling low. Tomorrow we will celebrate my sister inlaws birthday and have more family time. So I hope to let what ever it is go and just concentrate on all the good things in my life. FG

[female g]

just did my first session of hypnosis on line. I will try this for awhile and see if it is working. Interesting and worth a try. Its very relaxing and hopefully the power of suggestion will work for me. I am free from gambling!!! FG

[lizbeth4]

FG, I hope the hypnosis works for you. It is good that you are trying different things to help you. Take care!

[female g]

had another set back, and am trying to pay back what I spent. I am hoping I can get it paid back so that I don’t have to face the music. I won’t risk telling my hubby that I went a second time. He gave me another chance so I am afraid if he found out It might be the last straw. I hope that the fear I’m feeling will be bad enough to keep me away. I hope so.
I am going to try a few more hypnosis sessions while I wait for my doctors appts. I’m so pissed with myself right now for choosing to go. I can get passed this in time as long as I can keep paying this off. It will take me about 3 months to get back to where I was. 🙁 Why is this so hard???
I have never had to face anything as hard as this madness.
Being a survivor I find it hard to believe this is the thing that could take me down.
I looked into a councillar but haven’t had much luck yet.
I have so much good in my life, its hard to believe I am risking so much to feed this addiction.
I am going to try harder to fight back though, because I want to come out on top and not give into this mind bending urge to gamble. FG

[vera]

The main ingredients for gambling are Time and Money
How did you manage to have both, FG?
I know when I gamble I have to plan my trip. That involves telling a lot of lies.
Was it worth the stress?
I would think not!

[female g]

to be honest I had an extra busy 2 weeks in a row and got enough to make it worth while going and just told hubby I worked really late one night. That was the lie!!
enough with that, on the up side, I did another hypnosis session and am hoping it will help. When I did this for smoking many years ago it took 6 sessions before it worked. So I’ll keep at it for at least that many times. Once a week should do it.
At least I’m wanting to try what I can at this time. I have no money if I want to get the dept repaid that should keep me out of the casino too. At least I hope so…FG
Thanks Vera for checking in and I hope your ok as well

[Dunc]

At least I’m wanting to try what I can at this time. I have no money if I want to get the dept repaid that should keep me out of the casino too…. maybe you could reconsider self exclusion, after all… if you don’t want to gamble is there any harm in excluding

[female g]

I was banned already and that is why I don’t want to do it again. I feel like it would solidify the truth I.m fighting perhaps. Sorry Harry but the humiliation isn’t making it any easier for me right now.FG

[vera]

Pride comes before a Fall, FG
Sometimes we need to „humble ourselves to be exalted”!!!!!

[female g]

so I had another fall and blew it again. I stayed for 12 hours and blew a lot of money again. I texted my hubby that I had gone so that he wouldn’t worry. At least he would know where I was. He had my debit card so he probably wasn’t too concerned I would spend much money. Little did he know I had gotten another debit card and wa able to access alt of extra cash. I had intended to leave the card home on thursday and had forgotten too (really). I finished up early though and the urges fired up and once I had made the decission I was determined and mentally unable to even want to call my hubby for help. So I went and for awhile i was having fun not loosing much at all and even ahead a bit but it wan’t good enough I was determined to win big and the then of course I starting loosing and got into a frenzy. I wad done for and couldn’t stop until the funds ran out. I spent another 3500 and got home as my hubby was returning from work. He was fine about it and never really had much to say to me which at the time made it easier for me. We talked a bit and then I tried to get some sleep without success. I got up and jut sat and started to process what I had done. I knew I would have to tell him the truth because the quilt would be worse for me. After awhile he returned from the store and gently acknowledged my failure to stop going once again. He was kind about it and that led me to telling him that yes I had failed once again and had incurred a big dept again. I was honest about it to a point. I wasn’t able to tell him about the debit card but was able to close up my ability to access cash from my line of credit. Thank God for that. I did say I found a way to get the money but I didn’t want to tell him how I did it. He didn’t pressure me about it. We talked a long time trying to come up with more ways to help me stop. He will even come to my work on thursday nights to keep the demons at bay. I thanked him and he said that he expected me to fail more and that until I get to my doctors appts he would be understanding. I won’t allow any more failures knowing that he is really on board to help me. I have succeeded before for along time and I can do it again. I am back to one day at a time and will try to not go back ever. I have decided to ban myself again too and hubby will go with me. He mentioned there have been law suits against casinos for letting in those who self ban but I feel its my responsibility and not theirs really. I told him that if I wasn’t working I would seek a treatment program as well. I hope this won’t come to that. I looked for some councilling too, but nothing in my area really so I will do further research. I am going to do more hypnosis too on line and pray with Hubby every time we see each other. i feel that if I do that it will keep his head in my recovery. I am sick of failing at this. FG

[vera]

I read your post 3 times, FG. This is becoming a never ending nightmare. Hell on earth! WHY oh Why? is all I can say….
This thought came to me FG(we have a lot of similar gambling traits). Would you think your husband is being too soft/easy on you? I often think mine is with me. Maybe they are just withdrawing. Getting sick and tired of all the excuses , all the slips all the apologies, all the false promises, all the lies. Sometimes I think my husband has built his own barriers, to protect himself from my gambling.
Life is too short for this BS, FG. We are threading on thin ice now. You won’t believe the last day I gambled the woman I had met a long time ago and told you about -the woman who’s husband got sick of her carry on and DIDN’T give her any more chances arrived all dolled up and plonked herself at a machine beside me. I could tell by the way she played, that she was broke! I thought of you, FG. I thought of me!
Is this what we are waiting for?

[female g]

yes we are alike , we gamble and make excuses and promises over and over again. We both must stop the BS and get to doing what must be done once and for all. QUIT FOR GOOD That is my plan
Ihad a interesting situation tonight I’d like to share.
I went to a fund raiser for my best friends son who is in a 2 year recovery program for drugs. I really supported the idea of sending him there and was as helpful as I could be.
Anyway the night before Hubby and I prayed for recovery and God’s intervention. That being said just out of the blue my best friend called me over and wanted me to meet this girl who just happened to be cg too. no one new each other and suddenly i was opening up to her and admitting my addiction. She explained that she had lost everything but was in recovery for a year in a half gamble free. She quickly offered her support and asked me to take her # which I did. With in minutes we formed a bond, hugging telling truths very rarely uncovered. It took place all within no time at all i opened up to my best friend for the first time admitting the truth about my addiction. I had been afraid to tell her because I doubted her ability to be supportive. I have been her closest friend for years but at that moment I felt closer to a complete stranger. i have never relied on others in this way but feel that it might be the right thing to do at this point. She says she believes in paying it forward and has offered unconditional support. Answer to prayer I think. I am going to believe in myself enough to make it and I believe in you Vera to make it as well. No more giving away what rightfully belongs to us and our recovery. Lets make life matter and find healthy ways and simple ways to enjoy the rest of our lives ok FG

[female g]

had a nice swim and a hot tub. I will sleep well. I think i might try counting up the days ahead day 3 and I’m grateful to be alive. FG

[female g]

bad night sleep so far. I got up after tossing and turning 4 hours. I ate some cereal and will try to get more sleep soon. I am excited for our Thanksgiving weekend. I will get started cooking tomorrow and serve dinner Sunday. I am off the Monday and will spend it with my daughter at her house for left overs. No desire to gamble at this point. I am really trying to convince myself to hate it and see it for what it really is and for what its done to me. Focus focus focus FG

[female g]

up again after only a couple of hours sleep. I might get out and do my shopping for Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday’ Then go back to bed and when I wake up I’ll start my preparation for the meal.
On day 7 and feeling good, No gambling thoughts and no desire to return to hell. I am trying to see this in the ugliest way from now on. If I can realize this it may keep me from wanting to go back. Hope so. I am willing to try anything that keeps me out of a casino.
I am not going to worry too much about the repayment either for now and just do what I can in the short run. I will get it done eventually. Less pressure that way’ I am happy to work at least a few more years anyway. One day at a time can work at this point.
Looking forward to time spent with family I don’t often see this weekend. Not as big a crowd for dinner either. About 15 I think, usually I would double that number so It means I can enjoy the company too and not just be their server. I am thankful. I would like to extend my hopes to everyone out there this Thanksgiving for a time well spent with those you love. FG

[vera]

Gambling takes too much from us FG.
It has taken our money.
Freely given by you and me. We lined millionaires’ pockets. They must be really laughing all the way to the bank. I’m sure, when they see us arriving, they rub their hands together in glee.
WE WILL NEVER GET THATMONEY BACK.
You still have your family, FG.
You still have your health.
Please do not give them your most precious possessions.
Life is too short to waste time.
Well done on 7 G free days.

[female g]

Yesterday was spent grocery shopping and preparing menu for dinner on Sunday. I spent about 10 hours in preperation. (so far) Stuffing made, Roast done, Salsa dip done, cannaloni made ,vegetables prepared. Today Cook turkey make choc carrot cake, crochet potatoes, mashed potatoes, Apple pie, Choc chip cookies, Cheese sauce for vegetables.
Sunday Will be cleaning day and tables set for guests, 15, I think so far. We will have about 10 for left overs Monday. Being ready means I’ll be able to enjoy Thanksgiving too.

[vera]

How did the Thanksgiving Celebrations go, FG?
I was licking my lips reading about the delicious food you were preparing.
Who wants gambling when you have such a full life.
Hope to „see” you soon.

[female g]

Another successful dinner for the record books. They are wearing me out but so worth the effort. Non stop work and fun combined. Got back to work tonight and ran my As… off too. Hoping to chill this weekend coming. No gambling urges and more realization that I can live life without fear it may be taken from me ever again. I am happier than I ever was before because I see the love in my family and no they will never abandon me as my own parents and siblings did.FG

[female g]

glad to report I haven’t gambled and feel strong . I am convincing myself that I can do this more and more each day.
There was a lot of excitement around here today as well. My daughter bought a house on the same st. I’m on, just 2 doors down. I am thrilled and glad to have them here.
They will have to sell their house but they have 4 months to do that. The average home in here neighbourhood sells with 30 days so we don’t anticipate any problems there.
We will be spending time getting them packed up too that will keep me busy as well.
Going to take a swim and get ready for another work week. All is well in my world

[Névtelen]

HI Female G, you are completely right in what you have written, you can do it! You are doing it!
It’s so good that your daughter will be so close. My biggest regret in life was leaving home when I was young. I somehow never got back.

It is great to hear you sounding so happy! You deserve to be

[female g]

I felt really crappy yesterday but went to work anyway. It was difficult but I got through. I went right to bed when I got home.I slept 11 hrs and am feeling better, I hope it lasts during my night at work.
Yes Sad I am very happy that my daughter is moving so close to me she spends alot of time with us and I think it will be a good thing.
18 days gamble free and feeling good!!! FG

[female g]

Ok got through another night at work and I was feeling much better for sure.
Happy to report that I didn’t break a perfect record of no sick days in 27 full years. I want to keep that status until I leave.
urges are still at bay and not gaining in strength t this time almost at the 3 week mark and feeling strong. I think I’ll run through a on line hypnosis session this weekend . As I am a bit nervous as I close in on the one month mark. FG

[kpat]

I am using your word. FRENZY is a perfect word. CHAOS might be another.
I used to visualize the entrance to hell, flames and all overlaid on the entrance to the local casino. That visualization was the beginning of my strength to fight this addiction.
27 years withiut a sick day, might just be record. What an amazing work ethic you have! Let’s both have a great weekend shall we?

[female g]

visualization is amazing and I like the word CHAOS too! I think I will add that to FRENZY. Thanks for that Kpat!
I just spent 8 hours cleaning my daughters Kitchen, caulking and painting baseboards. Another full shift after a very full week at work. Time to relax already!!!!
I was without my computer for a few days too much to my dismay. I was at my wits end and then I realized I should You
tube it and was able to fix it myself. AWESOME!! Back in business and glad I can get posting again.
Sorry I missed some groups because I really look forward to them and to catching up with all my comrades in arms so to speak. lol.
Anyway I am deservingly worn out and need down time. I am going to vg out and watch TV for a while and eat junk food.FG

[Névtelen]

HI FG, just popped by to congratulate you on your amazing attendance record and your gamble free time.
This might shock you but most years, I give myself a „mental health break”… Two to three days when I take time out. It is usually when the winter has kicked in and I wake up one Monday and I just know this is it, I need my mental health break.

Well done on your gamble free time. The days are building up fast. No more FRENZY in your life!

[Névtelen]

FG thank you for your reply on my thread! Even after writing my last post my ideas on stuff had changed again. I guess I am just exploring stuff ..

After reading your post to me, I am once again completely in awe of your honesty.. Also while you talk about you addiction , the love in your family leaps off the page..I can’t quite explain it but I know you are a great wife and mother ..they love you so much .!!! It is there in what you don’t say !!

[female g]

I am loved and blessed and grateful for that. Its sweet that you see that.
I am an individual who suffered greatly as a child. A ward of the children’s Aid from 6 months of age until 21 years of age because I stayed in school. I went back and forth from foster home to foster home and into the arms of a mother incapable of looking after her 6 children. She left us at age 11 through suicide and then I spent years in institutions. I had my work cut out for me and many challenges along the way.
The thing that motivated me was the notion I wasn’t capable or worthy of much. That is what made me determined to show the world they were wrong.
I took a lifetime to do it and my biggest opsticle was the abandonment issues I suffered from , plucked from my natural mother and over 30 foster homes.
I got married young and was determined to make it work. We have survived loosing a child, and 2 siblings and financially lost everything at the age of 40. I spent 10 years in therapy as a adult from around 33 to 43 to be sure I had the necessary tools to raise a healthy family . I was only willing to take a chance on one child and then after being convinced to have another I had twins. I was so worried that I wasn’t equipped to raise healthy babies that I became a perfectionist and it was a huge strain. I gave everything I had in me to do right by those babies of mine. Breastfeeding twins for 6 months without any other sustainance. raising a 3 year old and taking care of a husband and a home. It was tough no grandparents, Aunts ore uncles to help out and no one I would trust their safety too. I
I remember the gratification I felt once they enrolled into university unscathed and in tack , It was unbelievable!!!
I was finally accepted as a good parent a good wife and a good person. Yuge!!!
I have finally after 40 years of marriage accepted I’m not going to be abandoned anymore.
My gambling may have tested that theory as well. I’m trying to make sense of that at this time.
I can rest my mind from here on in that I am loved and my 3 babies are amazing. One is a lawyer, one is a C.A. and one a teacher raising beautiful grand babies for me now. Thanks to God for the many blessings in my life.
I did go on and on but it felt right to do so. I am not very often so illing to open up so much.FG

[kpat]

You didn’t go on too long. You have a beautiful, hard fought life story. There is so much more to life than meets the eye. It seems to me, you are an overcomer!

[female g]

I spent 8 hours in my daughters kitchen. Getting the house ready for photos to sell her home. Then 6 hours on Saturday in her living room and dinning room. Set it all up and cleaned out all the kids stuff for pictures too Wow!!! Then it was my home to get in order today. I am officially exhausted and done!!!FG

[female g]

No gambling and no time for i,t or even thoughts are far and few between. Close to one month now hurray!!!

[Névtelen]

OMG, Female G, your story has brought tears to my eyes,for you , for you poor mum, and for the wonderful life you created for your family . I am so moved by your courage , and how you have worked so hard to be the best mum you could be.

I don’t think any words I have , could do justice to the what you have just written. I wrote that I could sense the love and admiration your family have for you in a previous post , never realising the incredible story of your life .
You are a wonderful person.I can’t get the image out of my head of you as a beautiful Phoenix rising from the ashes.

Thank you for sharing . I feel so privileged that you have shared this with us.

[female g]

yep I screwed up again . I see my last post and what a difference a few days make. I went to the casino and spent 18 hours throwing away money again. I have had a total of 3 hrs sleep in 36 hrs. Crazy making for sure. I spent 4 thousand and was able to take the block I had on my line of credit. The rest is history. I woke up when my hubby came to bed and could not sleep another moment. I had to fess up about the whole ordeal.
I turned in the bank card and we are closing out the line of credit. There will be no more access to that I set up a repayment plan that I can live with.
The biggest change will be When my hubby comes to my work place every Thursday night to make sure i get my a…
home . That has always been my biggest temptation. The reason I pick Thursday is simple enough. I am off for the weekend and I have no one to tell me not to go. That is all about to change and i am happy about that. I was beside my self once the gamble fog lifted and that is when I realized I can’t afford to waste any more money or time on this addiction. If I fail again I will seek out a treatment program. I will ban from the casino again too. Yikes!!!! FG

[vera]

FG , I’m so sorry to hear this happened AGAIN.
It really is scary.
It could be any of us.
Your husband has been tested to the limit. I’m sure it takes it’s toll on him, too.
Would he consider using F and F or Gamanon?
One of the reasons I can’t gamble any more is that I realize how hard my husband works and he has become very withdrawn. He was always detached but I can see another relapse driving him over the brink. He says nothing. He used to bellow and roar. The silence is even worse.
I just read about your early life, FG. You are blessed to have been able to move on and you have a wonderful husband and family.
Don’t gamble with those blessings FG.
We should be on our knees counting our many blessings.
Not everybody bounces back.

[micky]

Hi FG thanks for your support on my thread and i’m sorry to hear of your last slip too but you have moved on quickly like me from it so well done on that . Your post says „hope” and „hopefuly” i do not use that word i have changed it to „know” it’s called positive thinking „hope” no i „KNOW” you will like it. Thanks once again for the positive post on my thread. 🙂

[Névtelen]

HI FG, so sorry to hear you gambled.
Can I ask you a question? Why wait to see if you fail again?
Why not just ban from the casino now and start a treatment programme? As Micky says positive self talk is important.
This looks good and might be worth a try .

http://www.smartrecovery.org.uk/about/introducing-smart

That’s a very smart move to get your husband to meet you after work .

Hope you are feeling lots better, and yes, you do deserve to spend that money on nice things for you.

[icandothis]

FG, I know you will come back from this. Why not make those Thursdays special? Something to look forward to. Time with your husband. A great beginning to your weekend. Way better than gambling by yourself. Dinner out? Movie? Romantic dinner at home? Take out? Any good feelings you have during this evening, amplify it in your mind so that the evening becomes something you look forward to instead of something you and your husband have to do so you don’t gamble. I am looking forward to hearing about your special Thursday nights!!! Have fun with this. You can enjoy the last night of your work week in so many other ways beside gambling. Your husband sounds like a great guy. Let him love you through this! You both deserve your recovery!

[female g]

so pleased and thankful for your feed back. Thanks so much Vera,Micky,Sad and Ican..
I slept for a total of 12 hrs and woke up to the realization that I am truly blessed and need to realize this every day from here on in.
Vera, I have tested the limits, and I’m amazed at how this man of mine is so willing to love me and support me. I can’t allow this addiction to test these limits ever again. I think I have set it up to not fail again. The biggest struggle I would have was on thursday nights once I had finished my shift at work. So my hubby has set his alarm to go off every thursday night at 1030 pm to come to pick me up and make sure I get myself home. He will sleep early in the evening so he won’t feel sleep deprived for work the following day. An amazing man and a good plan.
Micky thanks!! I take what you said to use Know instead of hopefully. I do know I can never gamble again. I do know I have a wonderfully supportive partner, willing to do what ever he can do to help me with this massive problem of mine. I do know I’m loved. I do know I must quit gambling. I do know that I did not gamble today.
Sad, we didn’t discuss banning yet, I have given it some thought after reading your post and I do think I should. I will wait it out until the xmas break when my hubby can go together during the work week when the key people are available. Until then I will rely on myself and my husband to keep me out of the casino. I am going to see my doctor next month to start 3 sessions of hypnosis and along with the on line sessions I will have this addiction over and done with.
Ican, I can’t have thursday nights with my hubby because I work nights and he works days. But we will have more date nights on the weekends for sure.
I need to be grateful for the good life I have and stop taking chances that could result in loosing everything worth having. That will be my focus from this moment on.
Tonight was a lot of fun . We watched my daughter singing in a band and along with friends we had a blast. My hubby was nothing but kind and sweet to me all night and I was sure to thank him for that. It meant a lot. FG

[charles]

Hi FG, well done on coming back here and being honest. Also well done on arranging for your husband to meet you on what you know is a dangerous night of the week for you.

I also have to agree with Sad though, she beat me to it!!

Why wait? It’s alsways best to take actions now while you are hurting and don’t want to gamble. We all know that the pain fades, money matters ease and the urges return. Get yourself banned from the casino now and that barrier will then be in place if/when that happens.

It will also be a good way to repay the support your husband is showing, it will show him how serious you are about stopping and give him reassurance as well.

Keep posting.

[female g]

it will be done but this week is just too busy and I must go during the week. I am getting everything else done this friday. excited to put this behind me for good FG

[female g]

tomorrow is Thursday and I will not gamble. My hubby is coming to my place of work. I feel really good about it because it will squash any notion of going to the casino for sure. FG

[icandothis]

I’ll be thinking of you, FG. Enjoy your gamble-free Thursday!

[female g]

Thanks I can, I am happy to say that I didn’t gamble tonight.
My hubby showed up and waited for me to finish up my shift and away I went home. Hurray.!!!!
It was great not to even consider it too. FG

[female g]

a week week well played. No gambling and no desire too. We did go to the bank but got there late so hubby is closing out the line of credit Monday. What a relief, no money, less likely to even consider the notion to gamble. FG

[finding_laura]

If I had to put how I have been feeling into words, they would look very much like this post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I hope you are in a better place. I haven’t made it to the end of your thread yet :). _Laura

[finding_laura]

I think being a survivor is a great big precursor to addiction for a lot of us. Gambling for me anyway fills a lot of the holes created by being a survivor. But in a false way. And as soon as the reels stop spinning 🙁 all that’s left is a big hole and lots of financial carnage.

I too fear telling my husband about my serious relapse. He told me 6 years ago that if I put another dollar in a slot machine he’d leave me.

I hope when I get to the end of your thread you are in a better place.

[finding_laura]

I love I can’t suggestion of turning a negative into a positive!

[finding_laura]

I’m so pleased to you FG. Things are definitely heading in the right direction :). Awesome that your hubby is there for you. And that together you will overcome this. You’ve come a long way. Have a great weekend!

[lizbeth4]

Hi FG. Sorry to hear that you gambled. But you are back on track I am glad that you have a nice, supportive Husband. That means a lot! I read your post about your life. You have been through so much. Much more than any of us have had to face. You are a remarkable person and Mother. I hope you had a awesome weekend. You deserve it!

[female g]

so great to hear words of comfort and support. I am doing well still and wish the same for all who enter this cyber space. through the ups and downs of addiction we do our own personal best to rise above and try hard to reclaim what we have lost. The irony is clear isn’t it. FG

[female g]

great way to end the weekend I’d say. Went for a great dinner with my hubby and just enjoyed each others company. Life is good without gambling.FG

[female g]

I had a very busy week and made a lot of money. Friday we had colonoscopy’s and after very little food Wednesday (2 bowls of cream of wheat and nothing until Friday at 7 pm . I was starved and glad that was over and done with We went for dinner and it never tasted so good haha. . So by the time we reached home I felt I had extra money burning a hole in my wallet. I got to thinking, why not be able to go to the casino since I had made all the necessary weekly payments and I knew I had no access to money now that the line of credit had been paid. So I couldn’t do any damage financially . It was my reasoning anyway. So I asked my hubby and he flatly refused my request. I was annoyed but somehow I was able to let it go after a little while. The urge subsided and I thanked my hubby for taking care of me while I couldn’t take care of myself. I gave him money towards a tv for my daughter instead, went grocery shopping, and then spent the rest on stuff for other family members. Went for a nice dinner and put gas in the car. Money is gone but well spent. I feel satisfied that I got through a difficult time.FG

[maverick.]

Female G, by the sounds of things you invested your money very wisely, food shopping, gas in the car, a few treats and dinner………..now that is what life is all about, the amount of times I have lost everything in a casino and had to walk miles home because I couldnt even keep the cab fare!!!!!! This addiction destroys lives (if we let it). Great positive share and it was a pleasure to read, really glad you are doing well and I know your not gambling will lead you to a place of happiness.

Take care and hope you have a great day.

Maverick

[female g]

thanks for your support and yes I do hope that I will learn to be content with just being happy. I had alot of urges again tonight but my hubby showed up and waited it out until I was finished working. I was annoyed he showed up but happy he was there at the same time. I was fighting with myself over the urges that were being brought to the forefront with every time I looked at him sitting there. I felt torn between what was right, the guilt, ( because he felt he had to protect me from myself) and the desire to gamble. I had a busy night so he was forced to hang around for 3 hours and the poor guy didn’t sleep earlier in the evening. He had parent interviews and came from work to be there for me. I felt bad knowing it was because of me that he would have to go into work sleep deprived. I felt selfish and thoughtless. The only good outcome was that i didn’t gamble. I do believe that I can get through urges now because I don’t want to put him through much more of this. I think this is teaching me more than i would have expected.
I see that this addiction is affecting more than just my pocket book. I never really saw it for what it really was. I have never had someone take care of me like this before.
Its out of love and caring that he is doing this. I need to recipricate and be better than this addiction.
I have one other thought to share > >>
I have noticed how quickly time goes by doing everyday normal things , but when it comes to this addiction time moves so slowly when your trying not to gamble. The hours, the days, the weeks take so long to build into gamble free time. FG

[lizbeth4]

FG, You are so lucky to have such a supportive Husband. He obviously loves you very much. I didn’t realize how much my Husband really loved me until it was too late. I regret that I gambled so much and didn’t put that time into my marriage. Time does go by faster when we fill our days with purposeful things not gambling. I hope you are having a wonderful day!!!

[female g]

yes I am lucky. I am grateful too. I want for this to be done with now so that I can return to the good life I get to live free from gambling. I am going for my first hypnosis session with my GP and want to be fully willing to give up gambling for good. FG

[female g]

glad to say I am well and getting stronger every day. I am happy to say I am still gamble free. I had my first hypnosis session and I was so elated with the experience. My Doctor was so thorough and we talked for quite awhile before the session. I can’t remember much about it but I know I left feeling like I was really going to stop gambling for good. I was concerned that I was only able to do 3 sessions with him but he reassured me that I could do as many sessions as I felt i would need.When I used hypnosis to quit smoking I had gone 6 times and was worried I would need as many to be able to finally quit gambling. So I am convinced this is the key to my success. I trust him so much that I was able to completely surrender to his words. I was really deeply relaxed and took everything in. Hope that I continue to feel as strong as I feel now. FG

[micky]

Well done fg on finding the help thats working for you i tried everything and anything and i’m now so relieved it’s hard to explain the feelings i’m going through. Thanks for your post on my thread it is a strange feeling being debt free after all these years but i’m loving every minute. 🙂

[female g]

Can’t believe how little thought I have given to gambling. Its awesome.
I hope Micky that I will stay on track long enough to experience the feeling of being completely debt free some day in the not to distant future.
I am going for another hypnosis appt. this Wednesday. Looking forward to cementing any more thoughts that enter my brain.
I had a nice weekend so far too. FG

[female g]

I do feel like I am open to the hypnosis 100% and when you approach any type of therapy in that way you can only do well I think.
This first session really was great. We really got into it. I shared as much as possible. He took the information and used it to help in the hypnosis session. i feel so strong and excited to follow through on my commitment to quit for good.
Knowing I m working with someone who really cares about my well being is so important as well. My doctor is willing to do as many sessions as I think I need. he dosen’t even practice hypnosis with any other patients and that makes me very special and really loved. FG Coming up to 5 weeks clean!!!!!

[female g]

yep feeling stronger and fewer thoughts running through my brain around gambling. I would often only have those crazy ramblings in my brain, putting all else on the back burner. For example. How much could I make in tips to gamble with, how quickly could I get there and how long could I last before the money would run out. Would I need a redbull to get home would i get enough sleep before the family wanted my attention etc etc. That will never be a consideration again FG

[lizbeth4]

FG, I am glad that the hypnosis is helping you. I tried hypnosis once years ago for weight loss and it helped! I look at it this way, anything that will help us to be gamble free is worth a try. We should always keep a open mind. Good on your 5 weeks gamble free! You are doing well!!! Keep going.

[female g]

I had to work an extra shift this friday and the next and i have alot of extra cash in my wallet as a result. I am amazed at how little consideration I gave to even wanting to gamble. I am going to put it towards xmas and the rest towards my repayment plan instead. change is taking place. 6 weeks and all is well FG

[female g]

worked way to hard and put in too many hours this week. 45 hrs so far and I am working again tonight, The money has been good and what is even better is the fact that the casino will see none of it. Can’t wait for my xmas break coming up on the 18th. I haven’t been able to decorate for the holidays yet. I love this time of year and look forward to it a lot.
I am babysitting this weekend too and won’t be able to do much else. Another gamble free week down. Hurray!!!
I am going to try to get some more sleep now since I have only slept a few hours,FG

[lizbeth4]

Awesome FG on your gamble free time! No gambling=more money!!! Get some rest. I’m babysitting also this weekend so my Daughter can attend a work related seminar. I love this season too! Enjoy.

[female g]

I was so exhausted and didn’t get much else done after looking after the grand kids Saturday. they had a sleep over as well. Then we went to
a Christmas concert for my grand daughters on Saturday
and dinner at my Daughter’s in laws. They are great people and good friends too. Sinse I was so tired I was so grateful for having a meal prepared for our family.
I will be returning the favour on Christmas eve.
I still haven’t decorated for the holidays either.
My hubby was a big help this weekend with the grandkids. He made it possible for me to rest too. What a great guy. The benefits are wonderful now that I’m not gambling anymore.
Still no desire to throw away money in any casino.
I have another hypnosis session coming in a week as well. I think they are really helping to solidify my goals. Time will tell though and I am taking it a week at a time for now. 7 weeks gamble free!!! FG

[female g]

busier then usual at work this week. I expected things to get slower but instead business is booming!!! Its a good thing but I am tired and need a break for sure. This is my last week before the xmas holidays and then I don’t go back until the 4th of Jan. hurray.
I am going to be busy preparing for 25 for dinner xmas eve but a good busy for sure. More friends than family this year but it will still be fun for sure.
The good news is that we are going away for a week to Florida. We leave on the 26th and will get back on the 3rd of Jan. Can’t wait to sit in the sun. We arranged a cheap holiday and won’t be spending too much with the Canadian dollar 30 % less than the American dollar.
Te extra money I have made in the past few weeks will go towards the trip and not to any casino’s . That is really making me feel good too FG

[lizbeth4]

Hi FG. Enjoy your holiday and your vacation. You deserve it! Thanks for being so supportive. I couldn’t get through it all with out my friends at GT.

[female g]

not sure why I am not filled with the holiday spirit . I feel tired and already over worked.
I’m hoping to finish up the decorations and then hunker down to get the meal prepared for Thursday.
The usual family members won’t be joining us this year but my children and their families will be there. and with other friends we will be at least 25.
No one really understands why the decision was made to not attend. It has been a tradition for over 30 years. 🙁
That could explain my mood .
I went for hypnosis too and we had a emotional discussion about family matters and that didn’t help to cheer me up either. I had a good hypnosis session though and feel strong and ready to continue on a path that doesn’t ‘t include gambling.
Thankyou Liz for your support as well. Cheers to the new year !!!!! FG

[vera]

In the run up to Christmas , everything seems magical. Then a stillness sets in. It seems as if you are over worked FG. Take it easy and get all those people to help with the chores.
I agree with Sad. You have a great husband and your gambling was never allowed to damage your family. There is a lot to be said for couples who are loyal to each other and can agree to keep things sacrosanct in their marriage.
Enjoy your holiday.
Happy Christmas !

[female g]

let me thank you Vera and Sad for your thoughts and responses, always appreciated.
I must say the family was happy and satisfied with the Christmas celebrations. We all understand the true meaning of this blessed time and shared it with with a few new friends and some old friends as well.
I am chilling after a few very hectic days. We will hit the road sometime this morning and arrive in about 22-24 hrs depending on weather and how many stops we make along the way. I will sleep for the first leg of the journey. Then I wil take over driving for at least 3-4 hours so that hubby can sleep and then continue the journey. He is amazing when it comes to road trips and driving. Me not so much. I am so ready to get some sun and rest and relaxation.
Feeling so good knowing I made it to 2 months without gambling and feel good about going the distance for sure. FG

[vera]

Sounds like a long trip FG but it will be ok if you share the driving.
Well done on two G free months.
Glad your Christmas celebrations went well.
Enjoy your break.

[charles]

Enjoy your holiday FG

[female g]

just wonderful warm weather and the hotel is great. Enjoyed the beach. swam in the pool, and went to margaritaville !!!! Happy hour was awesome. So cheap too. drinks cost 3 times as much. Drinks and apps for 2, 20 us. Alltold this trip should only cost us 1000 for 6 days in the sun. The benefit of being a hotel employee. Ocean view suite and 50% of hotel food. Its not hard to take knowing I had saved up my Us money at par. So I was able to pay for the whole trip just about. No gambling gives me options . FG

[lizbeth4]

Awesome! Have a great time!

[maverick.]

Really great to hear you are doing well female g, when we make the choice not to gamble the rest off our lives do seem to fall in place nicley, so happy for you and keep up the great effort, take care and look forward to sharing with you very soon.

Maverick

[p]

Well done on your gamble free time and days and how you are filling them. I too miss our chats. I am hoping to run into you in the groups here again. I am usually in Charles and Moniques groups. I hope to see you there sometime to chat. Im not sure if those times suit you so for now i will just say hi and thank you for thinking of me too, we go back a long way on here

P

[female g]

Here I am back to reality, recharged and ready to get to it.
I know I have been given so much this holiday season and I am so grateful for all my blessings.
I hope 2016 will be the year of major change more than ever. I am going to work my recovery harder than ever and stay out of the casinos for good.
I have 3 more sessions of hypnosis and will put all the effort and conviction into completing my goals.
I hope that this is the year that many of us here will succeed.
I want success for all of us but like everything in life it doesn’t always work out, so with that in mind remember we are here to lift each other up and help one another. We should never forget that our efforts can make a difference in others lives as well as our own. all of the advice I receive gives me the courage to continue the work I started when I joined on as a member years ago.
Thanks everyone for the tremendous love, understanding, patience, support and just plain being there for me and so many others. Happy New Year Everyone.Thanks maverick and P for your comments and I do hope to connect soon.

[lizbeth4]

FG, Well done on your gambling free time! I am happy that you had a great holiday vacation. No gambling=happy life!

[vera]

I’m glad to hear you enjoyed your holiday FG and that you are now ready for work . You sound very positive . I agree totally with what you wrote on Maverick’s thread that it is 100% up to us to be accountable and responsible for our own actions. Non CGs (my husband for one) really can’t keep up to us when we swing into action and decide to double cross and bamboozle them with antics that even we ourselves find difficult to figure out. Sometimes my head feels like a ball of wire waiting to be un sprung. Then , when it is released, it takes ages to get the threads straightened out. How could a „normal” person cope with that nonsense?
I know I can get my ATM card from my husband anytime I want it. I know I can get loans and hide money without his knowing. During a CG’s „be good” phase, our intentions are genuine but when the devil jumps up on our backs, NOTHING will stop us gambling, unless we have no immediate access to funds and no opportunity.
I made sure I had visitors coming every second day since Christmas, and on the other days I was invited to friend’s /family’s houses for meals.
I’m STUFFED!
Friends just left now . I cooked sirloin beef and all the trimmings and I have cleaned up and re set the table for tomorrow . For „Little Christmas”. I just wish I could sleep.

[kathryn]

Morning FG!
im so happy to read you are doing so well in your recovery. Things like holidays, new clothes, dining out etc used to be something I only dreamed of! Life without gambling sure does open a lot of doors! The ability to plan something is a blessing for sure!
I’m already looking at accomodation and I’m not planning to travel for 18 months!!!!!
As I said to Vera, it’s a good distraction, something to look forward to and keeping me busy!
I go back to work on Monday. I’m trying to get the house in order before then! Sometimes it feels like an endless task!
Going to visit my Mammy tomorrow.
Stay strong my friend, you are doing an amazing job!
Love K xxxxx

[female g]

I am not sure what to think when you are available to chat and the new members forum is empty, why should you get the boot. I feel that it fuels the sense that you are irrelevant or abandoned. I also think that older members what ever that means should be able to speak with new members to show support and provide a much needed comfort zone! Just saying!!

[charles]

Hi FG,

Again Happy New Year.

I’m afraid I did have to ask you to leave following the recent changes to groups. The changes have been posted in the forum.

https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/changes-groups

Fortunately the number of groups you are able to access has only been reduced by two so I hope you are able to connect to one of the many other groups we have here. You also of course have access to the forum 24/7 and the helpline when it is open during UK office hours.

If you have any concerns about the changes then please email the office.

https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/e-mail-advice

I hope to see you in another group soon.

[female g]

I get it but it isn’t sitting well with me. I really looked forward to my group chats and now with the changes I can’t be involved. Not happy with that. Thanks for the explanation Charles.
Now to deal with the matter at hand. I went to pick up the mail and received a tx rebate for what the US Goverment withheld from my winnings at a casino visit about 1 year 1/2 ago. I continued on to work and thought nothing more about it. I had been waiting along time for the check and with the US dollar now worth 140 it meant there was more money then expected. As my shift was coming to an end I began thinking that I could spend it it gambling. After all this was a unexpected windfall that I owed to know one. I could have called on my Hubby but didn’t. I continued a internal dialogue for about 3 hours. I had myself convinced to go and not tell my hubby until the wee hours of the morning after the damage was done. Then as I was almost ready to rush out I changed my mind and decided it simply wasn’t worth it. All the reasons began to rush in as to why it would be a bad idea and i choose to listen to myself . Sufficed to say I won over the urge on my own and felt stronger than ever. I then began to see how to put the money to good use. I think the reason for this might be the hypnosis taking hold and the impact it would have on my hubby won out in the end. This says to me that I can rely on my own strength and will need to do this from now on in order to really get beyond this addiction. Feeling quite proud of myself FG

[kathryn]

You should feel proud girl!!!!!
Well done!!!!
Imagine how awful you would have felt had you gambled???
That sick pit…..i don’t miss it one little bit!
buy yourself something lovely with that money, something you can look at and know that gambling didn’t beat you. Maybe a nice plant? Watch it grow as you grow? Mind you, I am the worst Gardner in the world, in fact I don’t do it at all!!!
Anyway, sending you a big fat congrats along with a big fat hug!!!!
Have a great weekend
Love K xxxxx

[vera]

Well done on not gambling FG
I had a similar experience myself yesterday
Access
Time
Money
Regarding the groups, I’m not a „Band Wagon” person, but I want to comment. I would see sense in having a New Members only Group if that is what new members wanted but in my experience with GT, I see most new members attending briefly then disappearing so how do we define „New Members”? For how long are you „new”? If you stay away and come back are you „old”? It may work in Real Life Groups but with online Groups it seems to me to be a not so good idea. I often waited with my finger ready to press that green „join” button and I’m old as the hills. If „One Day at a Time” is our motto, then every day and every member is new! Nobody who takes the time to log in should be excluded. That’s my opinion. The older members here have enough savy to log out when a new member needs attention from the moderator.
It could mean sending a CG back to gambling by asking them to leave a group. For this reason I don’t think the change was thought out long enough.
This is badly worded. I’m in a rush.
Will say more later
Or maybe I have said enough!

[lizbeth4]

FG. You are stronger than you know. Good for not gambling. You should feel proud of yourself. I think we all should be able to be in the group’s. The newbies would benefit from having some of the members who have been here longer in the group chat as we could share our experiences with them. I personally feel like other people here have been my main supporters. Anyways that’s my opinion. Take care!

[female g]

thanks K Vera and Liz, great support. Vera we are so much on the same page and you say it so well. I think you should post this to the facilatators and attach my name in support to see what their thoughts are after reading your post.
Yes K I will take an opportunity to buy something to reward myself for not gambling. I went for another hypnosis session and told my Doc. about what happened. i then asked if He felt it would be alright to go every now and then once I have all my debt paid since I have all the necessary blocks in place. He made it clear that I would be playing with fire and eventually would be no further ahead. He felt I was too smart and would find ways to get more money again and again. I should never dabble again in his estimation. I understand his logic and will try to accept this determination. He paid special attention to this conversation in the hypnosis as well. I hope in my unconcious state I took it all in and will stay away for ever. I can hardly remember any of the session but time will tell won’t it !! Hubby checked in with me tonight at work and I went home without incident, and he was able to get his much needed rest . Battles won.
Liz I see it the same way and agree 100 % Thanks FG

[kathryn]

Hi FG,
I was just reading yours and Vera’s posts in regards to new members……I’m assuming they can join the community groups along with us oldies???? I remember coming here and being in awe of members who had been gamble free for what I considered to be a long time….marilee comes to mind immediately! She was a lifeline for me, knowing it COULD be done! It inspired me and gave me so much hope! And god knows I needed it! In saying that, I understand the need for new members to ease in as such, it’s all very overwhelming so maybe, as long as they can access other groups it is good for them to have a group. I feel very blessed o have joined this wonderful forum when I did….I feel I benefited so so much. Back then there was only Tim and Harry on the helpline, and I have great memories of chewing their ears off (poor buggers!)
I guess in the end it’s the new members who can say whether that group works, it may build a foundation of friendship as well…. Look at all of us that are still here!
Speaking of marilee and Tim, just a shout out if they ever read this that I think of them often and hope they are well and living happy lives!!!!
Well there’s my 2 cents, wanted or not!
Have a great weekend my friend, love K xxxx

[female g]

the new members can access the live help line I believe and those of us who are not so new (what ever) are booted out unless there is an emergency. It feels like need is determined and measured in events just played out and it isn’t considered important to help prevent the event. I feel like it could lead some to go out and create problems just so they can have a reason to be heard and spoken too. I also think that if there isn’t anyone showing up to chat why can’t we use the space. I just worry about being needy and not being understood. I know that when I returned to the forum and was really troubled and was trying to connect in the new format I was booted out a few times and it was not a nice feeling. For one thing I wasn’t able to connect easily and once I did I got excited to think i would be able to chat only to discover i wasn’t able to. I hope that the powers that be can see that not all changes are the best changes.
I am trying to keep up my journal and trying to read other journals but I’m so tired it isn’t always easy for me. trying to connect with all the wonderful folks here is the tough part and I much prefer the groups when we can all chat at once. FG

[female g]

what relief to find out my daughter sold her house yesterday. It was getting down to the wire for them. The new house they bought firm is closing in 1 month. They had a 4 month closing in order to give themselves enough time to sell there home. We had thought it would sell in a week like all the other listings had but there was no movement. Then with the oil crisis and the economy turning we were very concerned. We had gone to the bank to see if we could buy the house and save them from pending law suits etc. We could but it would leave us in a very tight situation should we need any extra money ourselves. We would do it if it came to that but man I am relieved that it worked out. So we celebrated last night with family and it was a great time. so now we get busy !!! time to pack up and move my daughter and her family to our st. Thanks Lord for the anwser to prayers. FG

[vera]

Great news, indeed, FG. So absolutely delighted for your daughter And for you and your husband.
Selling a house is very stressful for all concerned.
Thank God the deal is done!

[female g]

I appreciate your comments K and I d think they can access the other groups to. I think its a good thing that the debate goes on long enough to have decisions reconsidered. FG

[lizbeth4]

FG, Awesome news! It is very stressful selling and buying homes. I am envious that your Daughter will be living so close to you. Enjoy!

[female g]

I was getting overly concerned about the sale of our daughters house and it could have been a disaster. I see a lot of changes in the economy over the last 3 months and feel there is definitely a down turn in the housing market coming. The oil crisis is a huge set back for Canada I believe. And the ripple effect will impact everything I think. In Alberta people are walking away from there mortgages and homes . Oil was over 130-150 a barrel and now it is expected to go as low as 20 a barrel. For many years Alberta was paying transfer payments to sustain the have not provinces. Where will the money come from now ?? Also the dollar is is worth less too we might go as low as a 60 cent dollar when compared to the US dollar. The bubble is about to burst I think. All the more reason not to gamble i feel. i very the urgency to pay off as much of our depth as possible now. so full steam ahead. Hard work but necessary. i am very grateful that my daughter and her husband have secure jobs at least and should be ok. Thanks be to God FG.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks FG for your post on my thread. I am always open to your advice. This economy is scary. The stock market, oil prices, real estate, etc I am grateful for what I have and my health. I thank God everyday,,,,You are right about not gambling and paying off debt and saving. Your words might keep me from gambling today. Thank you.

[female g]

so glad o hear that all we can be is helpful in our times of need and celebrate our successes together. Way t go Liz!!!
I found myself looking for excuses when I was made to feel bad. I have had on going moments when i felt through out my marriage like the last in the family line instead of first in line. In the past it would have been enough to send me out to gamble after all I was hurt and deserved to feel better. thankfully I realize that I must not let gambling be the temporary pacifier because it adds to an already bad situation. 2 negatives never make a positive. Instead I spoke up and let it go and decided a warm bath and a good book would be a much better way to let it pass. And pass it did. I did not gamble and will not gamble.FG

[vera]

Strangely, FG , those fake slots pay out SOOO badly, it would turn you off for life. You need to deposit, like 3k Playing on high bets that disappears fast I topped up at least twenty times Who would have that kind of „Real money”? Well, unless you mortgaged or sold your house (God forbid!) Then after all those deposit I got a few HUGE wins. By that time I was bored , nauseated and highly suspicious. NO, Free slots are not my poison, but they could be set up as a mouse trap to lure the unsuspecting so I’m glad I have them blocked. Missed you in the Group this evening. Maybe tomorrow!

[female g]

I would get bored too without the real chance to win real money and it makes me fearful . I think it plays tricks with your brain and lures you into wanting to gamble for real. Its part of the reason I’m not going to tempt myself even once for fear I’ll be out of control in no time. Even though i would love to be able to play say once every 3 months to just enjoy a evening doing something fun but we have all
seen what the outcome of that kind of thinking can do so I think I know its a chance I can’t afford to take. I won’t say I will never do it but for now I can say I won’t gamble. FG

[female g]

trying to chill a little and excercise more often. Trying to find where my comfort zone lies and how to manage time in a more positive way. Allowing myself to find balance that comes from not gambling isn’t always easy. I was always nervously finding ways to pay my dues for my gambling and it left me always over compensating in my day to day. It would make my self worth feel better if I could somehow make up for my flawed personality. Not so necessary anymore.
I missed one of my hypnosis appts and felt very worried about it and thought it would be the end of my sessions but as it turned out my Doctor was very good about it and promised to do as many sessions that I wanted. I used the last session i had as a way to end it for now and while I was under i started a bonfire and through it all into the flames. Done for good i hope. But knowing how this addiction can rear its ugly head I will go for a follow up in a month and see how things are going. Its good to know my doctor is there for me and that i can depend on his support FG

[vera]

CGs are not the best at „Balancing”, FG.
We do better at „juggling”! lol!
You are blessed to have that GP. He will continue the hypnosis for as long as you need it, so keep that bonfire smoldering and keep adding in the residue that needs to be disposed of.
‘See you in a Group soon.

[female g]

oh boy your so right i am blessed to have him be a important part of my life. Yes I will remind myself to do that often.
I had such a stressful night last night that it reminded me of my early days in this job. I was overwhelmed in ways I remember when i first started as a bartender. Very weird. Thank goodness that is over with FG

[maverick.]

Stay strong female g and keep fighting, this addiction is a nightmare but there is light at the end of the tunnel as I am sure we both well know, keep sharing and keep working at it as always „one day at a time”, all we can ever do is try our best and with that we must be happy.

Hope you are doing ok today and as always I wish you well, take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[female g]

thanks love the support and I see how much positivity you put into your posts. I love to hear that. I will try to always do my best and am glad that the weeks and months are adding up.
Life is better with gambling no matter how stressful life is at times. Last day of the week and tomorrow I get to celebrate my birthday at one of my favorite restaraunts. Excited :0) .

[vera]

Hope you have a brilliant day on your birthday, FG. and that you enjoy your meal.
Better than sitting on the high stool watching reels spinning.
Hope you recovered from your stressful night at work.
Life is not a rose garden!

[maverick.]

Hope you have a lovley meal and evening out, happy birthday female g and many happy returns.

Take care and wish you well.

Maverick

[female g]

where did that come from, a massive urge reared its ugly head this evening and had me reeling out of control.
I had a wonderful meal at a favorite restaurant and the best birthday cake ever. Some thoughtful gifts from my family and a lovely evening all round . So WHY!!!
I came home and decided that I wanted an evening out with excitement and since my hubby was tired and was going to bed. I should go. I worked it all out. I decided to approach it like this, I was rehabilitated after all and wanted to test the waters so to speak. I felt that once every 3 months I could go for a night of excitement. No more no less. I was convinced this would be ok and presented the proposition to my hubby. I argued that it wouldn’t matter what he would have to say because I was going to go with or without his blessing. CRAZY !!!!
We battled it out for about 1 hour and then the urges started to pass. He rallied around me and I talked about needing some sort of excitement replacement and we talked about things that could change to improve how I was feeling and ways that could help improve the situation. It passed and I was able to feel it pass and for now I agreed to continue on not gambling if not entirely for myself but for him. It is too important that I never go back. After tonight I’m not sure what I am capable of. So I didn’t want to make promises that may be broken. He will be willing to do more with me that is different and that offers some sort of excitement and that should make a real difference I think. Lets see, time will tell.
Even though i felt failure and shame I am glad we worked through the feelings and didn’t let it get in the way of my recovery for today at least. FG

[vera]

Just because you wanted to gamble, doesn’t mean you gambled, FG. Don’t punish yourself for wanting to go.
I understand how you felt after your birthday dinner and the opening your gifts. None of the parcels you unwrapped contained what you felt you really desired most. For a CG , I think there will always be „something missing”. I remember coming home from social events and feeling „All I need to ‘top off’ the occasion is a little gamble” . The ” icing on the cake” so to speak. A sort of restlessness would set in and in hindsight, every other part of the evening would seem boring.
I call this the „spoiled child syndrome”! Santa leaves every toy in his sack and yet he/she wants the toy he didn’t leave. It’s the fall out from The Garden of Eden , FG. Concupiscence! They wanted the one thing they couldn’t have. The Forbidden Fruit! I often crave that „fruit” too and I think this could be at the root of most addictions. Craving for things we have no right to. Desiring to eat what for a CG has become the „poisoned”fruit .
So FG, tough as it sounds you and I, m’darling will have to learn to live without our „buzz” and you can be thankful you have a husband who listens to your yearnings. When I quit in 2008, I devised all sorts of plans to replace my gambling and begged my husband to stand by me. He didn’t get it so all the plans flopped.
If I success, I did.
If I fail, I also did it.
Today, I must learn to stop „buzzing”!
Today I will not gamble!

[female g]

I do agree with you on all points.
I was very surprised that allowing the urge to fade was exactly what happened. It faded and I was able to get past it. This really was the first time I truly understood that urges as strong as it was ( 10 out of 10) can in fact be overcome. Good to experience that feeling I think. I was so mad and annoyed that he was holding me back at the time and tried every excuse in the book but he stood stead fast and we worked our way through it .
I think I can do this and will tell my doctor (March 2cd) about this. I will not gamble for hubby mostly right now because I can’t let him down. FG

[lizbeth4]

FG, I am happy that you didn’t gamble. I am alright! No gambling! I have been busy with friends. Always good! Keep sharing as it helps me to refrain from gambling.

[female g]

Thanks so much for those kind words. The one thing i hold dearly is my own truth. I have tried very hard to at least be honest with this addiction. I have always been compelled to try to take care of my commitments and it sure hasn’t been easy and certainly not without consequence.
Lately I feel that paying dept isn’t a whole lot of fun and certainly not exciting because it takes the fun out and puts the hard work in. It is my reality and I must fight through it
The good part is that I am down to 7 thousand on one of the loans from 12 in this past 3 1/2 months and I shaved off another 1 thousand of line of credit. Along with mortgage payments and car payments . I even managed a few skin treatments as well. You think that all that effort would leave me feeling good about not gambling but not entirely. hope I can find a way to work through this dilemma.
Hubby is trying to find ways to replace the lack of excitement I’m experiencing but sex every few days in’t going to cut it haha. FG

[lizbeth4]

Hi FG, I am in the same boat. I am trying to pay down about $12,000 of debt. In my head I know that it is the right thing to do but part of me gets bored and says why not gamble? I am trying to work through it also. Reading your posts help me to stay strong and focused! I am here to support you also. Keep going!

[female g]

right now Liz what seems to be my biggest motivation is not letting my hubby, Doctor and children down. I wonder if I removed that would I be able to stop myself from gambling. I can’t say 100% that I could do it if it was just about me.
I am glad that I have decided to let it be them be why I won’t gamble and i will continue on working on it being just for myself. That will take much more work I think.
I have always done everything for everyone else outside of gambling, it was the one thing I did for myself. Why did it have to be such a destructive thing I got into.
How do I find something that I do entirely just for me.????FG

[female g]

I had a great birthday with my family at my favorite spot and some delicious treats for Valentines day. I love sugar ( I am addicted to the stuff) and am very pleased to get my favorite candy at this time of year.
My daughter moves into the new house tomorrow so we are very excited to have her and our grand children so close to us. I imagine I will be quite busy over the next few months helping her settle in. a good way to keep my mind of of gambling for sure.
I painted my kitchen a metalic silver colour and I love the change. My hubby was wonderful and supportive and even bought me this light fixture a a gift to celebrate my birthday and valentines day. It is a tall silver cylinder that has city scape etched into it and the light glows through the etching. its awesome.
I am going to try to catch up on a few threads now since I’ve been doing so many things that keep me busy and tired.FG

[female g]

I tried to touch base with a few of you tonight before coming back to me. I love that we are all in this together and really respect the journey we share.
I had a few urges lately but fought through them with success.
I have worked hard on dept repayment and tried to find balance on work and play.
I have made it to 4 months and paid off 7000 in dept. I will be out of dept in a year 1/2 now and that is my challenge and motivation for now. I feel the urgency every day and it brings up gambling thoughts all the time. Its a continuous reminder of damage done. That leaves me a bit sad at times and its a double edge sword.
the constant reminder of how I got myself into this mess isn’t the easiest thing to deal with but I must if I am to succeed. One day at a time and many thoughts at a time!!!!FG

[kin]

„I have made it to 4 months and paid off 7000 in dept. I will be out of dept in a year 1/2 now and that is my challenge and motivation for now. I feel the urgency every day and it brings up gambling thoughts all the time.”

Dear FG,

Good job on staying abstinence and repayment plan, if you can continue staying abstinence after the debts are fully paid up, you will enjoy a new kind of freedom.

Do you have any reservation to gamble, these can come back to haunt us, these self deceiving lies can be so real and convincing that it is ok to gamble, that this time will be different, I can afford the loss, I can gamble like a normal person.

This is a good time to prepare for the time when you have clear your debt in 18 months.

We admitted that we are powerless over our gambling and gambling had made our life unmanageable.

You have 18 months to learn how to stay gambling free when you are debt free. It can give you the breakthrough you always wanted.

The new found joy and freedom is worth it!

[vera]

Well done on your debt repayment, FG. You are making great strides in recovery. The impatient streak, common to most gamblers, can take our serenity away. We want things to happen faster than normal and tend to be compulsive with paying our debts. Whoever composed that Serenity Prayer hit the nail on the head. I try to look back on the last year and notice how fast time has passed. Regardless of our input, time will move forward at God’s/Nature’s pace. Time is one thing we have absolutely no control over. All we can do, is make the best of that time. I started my „Repayment Plan” last June. Almost 9 months ago. I can’t believe how fast those months passed. Yet, the weeks between my payment dates „dragged”! When we focus on everyday matters, such as work. family , leisure, friends , etc. we don’t notice the time going by.
Don’t wish your life away, FG. Take each day as it comes . The one thing we can control is what we do with our time and money. I If I had gambled that money, I would be in dire straits now. Knowing it is safe gives me the incentive to add to it as well as repaying my debt. Knowing you will be debt free in 18months is a great incentive to stay G free, but remember FG we can have many moments/days of freedom in the meantime too.
It’s not all about money. The „best things in life are free”. I do believe that.
Thanks for posting o my thread. That son is a peace maker. He would never say anything to offend anybody. He sent me a text late last night, saying the meeting was „interesting” and if I ever want him to go anywhere with me again, he will. My daughter’s attitude is „don’t crucify yourself” (but she is at the other side of the world, so doesn’t feel the impact of what happens in my life). My youngest son ( whom I haven’t seen since an „explosion” on December 26th , the start of my last ‘binge’ ) would not let me off so lightly. I wouldn’t invite his comments . He treats me to his opinions when he feels angry and to put it in a nutshell „It’s ALL my fault”!
‘Nuff said!
Might see you later in a group FG.
Take care!

[charles]

Hi FG,
When it comes to financial things, whether that’s paying off a debt or saving up for something, I always find it is easier to work out a manageable and sustainable weekly/monthly budgeted amount and then just try and focus on that rather than any big total.

Hopefully see you in a group later.

[vera]

Good luck with your hypnosis session today FG.
Your doctor will be pleased to hear your good news.
Here we are into March already FG and still clean as a whistle.
At the check out in the Supermarket today, I wasn’t panic stricken in case I wouldn’t have enough money to pay. I do have to watch the pennies but there is a difference between budgeting and having your heart in your mouth when you’re shopping . Putting the cheapest items in the trolley.
I think we are both seeing the benefits of recovery FG. I missed the Topic Group by about 5 seconds yesterday.
‘Hope to see you soon!

[female g]

what a change for both of us Vera and how great the changes bring to our daily lives. I too feel like life is returning to normal and I am not so worried about our future moment to moment.
I was too sick to work Tuesday so I stayed home. I won’t get to my doctors appt today since I want to rest all day before i go to work tonight. I will re book my appt. for sure.
continued benefits to us both !!!! FG

[female g]

feeling better and work went well. I would have felt horrible taking a sick day in the past because I lose at least 300 dollars when I don’t work but now that I’m not gambling I am ok with it.
Its getting a little easier and the urges aren’t as often. I hear my inner voice talking me out of them more often now.
I feel happier knowing I’m making real progress and am getting used to the idea that I am finally putting and end to ever gambling again. Fg

[maverick.]

Female g,

It’s always good to read your posts and listen to your thoughts, keep staying positive and make sure you enjoy the good things life has to offer, thanks for being around and also thanks for your ongoing support, you are a very kind person with a good loving heart, take care and speak soon, hope this finds you well.

Maverick

[female g]

Thanks Maverick,
🙂 that makes me feel good. I would like to feel those things are true and do try to be kind and I do really care that we all work at this together and continue to support one another no matter where we are on this journey through recovery. it takes a good soul to see other good souls even if we are a bit flawed and fragile at times. Good to feel strong now and in the right frame of mind to get past my addiction. FG

[female g]

today I had my first eye exam in 20 years. All turned out well thankfully and a pair of reading glasses is all that is required. I had Lazier surgery 20 years ago and so all remains perfect other than the natural course of aging.
Also went to the dentist to repair a broken tooth. Wow both done on the same day. In the past nothing would get done other than a wasted night a casino. FG

[lizbeth4]

FG, That’s awesome about your eyesight I had a eye exam last year, I hadn’t had one in 20 years also. I graduated from reading glasses to my first pair of prescriptions. I know that I didn’t take care of myself while I was gambling Good for you for taking care of yourself. Our health should come first!

[female g]

Thanks Liz, it is a good change for sure to look after me and not everyone else before me for sure.
Hard to believe its almost 41/2 months since i gambled and along with that comes renewed strength to get through the rest of the year gamble free. At the moment the urges are low and that makes things easier to contend with for sure. The other factor that will help is that spring isn’t far off and I can get outdoors and enjoy the longer days and nicer weather.
I had a nice meal out with my hubby and went to the neighborhood bar to hear some live music. it was fun.
Today I chilled and the went about getting chores done for the week to come. I was having a bit of an issue with vertigo but hopefully it is passing and won’t cause me any more issues this week.
my Sister who lives about 3-4 hours away is having health issues and will need some help over the march break. My Niece who is her primary care giver(poor Her) is going on a holiday during my holiday so I will help a few days and hopefully be able to enjoy my holiday for a least a few days. My niece said her mother is sucking the life out of her and that is hard to hear. I wish it was a better situation but i can’t change the way things are for them too, at least not right now FG

[vera]

Good to meet you briefly in the Group earlier, FG.
Hope the vertigo subsides. Get some Serc from your GP. It really works. I have had vertigo a few times and its very debilitating. I’m scared to even think about it, in case I go into full spin!
Sorry to hear your sister is having health issues. One of my sisters is unwell at the moment but unlike the lady you mention, she plays everything down. Her main concern is that she will cause anyone to worry. I’m trying to advise her by text, to have further check ups but she is probably hoping the symptoms will clear up without intervention. I’m not happy with what I’m hearing. As you say these things are out of our control. I feel helpless regarding her situation. I know she is very unwell.
You have a heavy line up for Easter FG. It’s a busy time for me too because we travel two hour round trips to church every day from Spy Wednesday to Easter Sunday and I try to fit in the cooking/baking between trips. My son will be home and I will invite his GF despite the Christmas fiasco. This time I will be slow to comment or offer opinions. I will just cook and serve the food, enlisting my son’s help and wont ask his GF to do anything. No matter what I do or say, she gets upset and its all my fault. I find that stressful so I will sing dumb if she comes. „A shut mouth catches no flies”. My youngest son is AWOL so I don’t know if he will be here for Easter. I hope he is because he loves all the Easter fare and I like to have the family here at those special times. Part of me wants to shake him and partly I want to hug him. He is so selfish and cruel. My husband is worried about him now . A real recipe for gambling but my funds are tied up, so that wont happen.

[female g]

It’s almost two weeks since I updated my thread and I was really looking forward to my week off (March 12-20) and it turned out to be the worse holiday ever. The entire family fell ill and I spent 3-4 days in bed, in between that I took my hubby to hospital after he became dehydraited and needed to get sodium infusions and was kept in for observation over night. I think I was in shock over that and couldn’t believe it.
We continue to rest up and back to work for me tomorrow if I feel well enough. My daughter and family all in bed for their holiday too. we did get to see my sister for the first two days but it wasn’t the best since no one was very well,
The only real good news is that I am 5 months gamble free this thursday and that is my greatest achievement. FG

[p]

Congrats on your five months gamble free
Well done to you

P

[p]

i would love to see you in one of the groups again one day.. might be different times for us though

P

[female g]

well I will check to see if your around 100 0r 2pm tomorrow. Not sure with daylight savings time. Hope to see you as well.FG

[vera]

Sorry to hear your holiday was spoiled by illness in the family, FG. Seeing your husband in A and E must have been a big shock. My husband had a dose of flu like symptoms and for the first time ever, wasn’t able to do his routine jobs. I found that scary too. Found myself asking „what if anything happened him….”!
When we waste holidays gambling , our brains can obliterate the loss but living in reality exposes us to Life with all it’s hiccups. Masking illness and other issues with gambling was part of my past. Removing the props forces us to take other options.
I’m two months behind you on the recovery scale FG, but let’s not focus on the finishing line…YET!

[female g]

so soooooo sad,
I lost my closest friend yesterday and can’t believe it.
I’m cried out and devastated from my loss.
I want her to come back and we are not ready for here to be gone. We were like soul sisters closer than any blood relative even. We shared a special bond that can never again be replaced. I will never know another friend like her!!!!!!
We have been friends for 30 hears and now life is shattered. FG

[p]

I am so so sorry to hear this.. please keep coming here and use any support you can get. It may benefit you to go to grief counselling. Please look after you FG hope to see you in chat.. will think good vibes toward you

P

[charles]

So sorry to hear of your loss FG, my commiserations. Stay strong, one day at a time.

[icandothis]

Hi FG, I am so sorry for your loss. I do understand how hard this is. April 1, one year ago, we lost one of our dear friends.
I am crying for you to have lost such a special friend/sister.
But, FG, to have had a friend that was so close to you that you were able to call her a soul-sister is a very special gift. A gift that will never end, even though your friend isn’t physically with you.
You are in my prayers.

[lizbeth4]

FG, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. A friendship like you had doesn’t happen very often. You have all the memories. No one can take them away from you. Everyone grieves differently. Don’t let any one tell you how you should grieve. If it gets to be too overwhelming talk to a professional. Remember to take care of yourself . Take care!

[female g]

thanks for your support and for being here for each other. I had the worst March of my life and hope to never go through all of that anytime soon. I was not myself and not a bit happy and mourning is very difficult. I said f… it and went for a night by myself to throw caution to the wind. And that is exactly what it was. I just don’t care kind of attitude took over and to hell with all of it won over. It wasn’t worth going and I just didn’t want any part of being responsible for just one time. Another life lesson learnt. I see that if I could have I would have gotten more money and stayed all night but thankfully no damage done due to tightly tied up ends. I stayed for 3 hours and went home. I will not be doing that again anytime soon. Rather relieved I was unable to waste my hard earned money. I will and must remain on my journey and I now feel confident that I can’t try to do this again even when I have had the hardest time of my life. I’m ready and steady now. FG

[lizbeth4]

Hi FG. I understand why you gambled! Grieving is soo hard! I am glad that you didn’t do a lot of damage. As hard as this sounds and I am talking from experience, you just have to ride it out. You will have a lot of emotional highs and lows. You will always miss your friend but one day the tears will stop and you will be able to remember fond memories and smile. Take care.

[charles]

Hi FG, well done on posting about what happened here.

Well done too on having those finacial barriers in place. How about getting banned from that casino to remove the temptation completely?

Hopoefully see you in a group again soon.

[female g]

yes i am trying to work through the grieving process and I will get to the day when I will smile and remember my friend in all of the memories we created.
I have to be honest though it felt like a relief to let go of all that I have worked on for that one time. Giving the finger to life after my friend dying felt right and necessary . I can get back on track now and focus on what is my life now without her. 🙁 FG

[female g]

Overly busy these days, if it isn’t work related its one project after another to keep my mind of what my heart is really feeling. I am sad tonight as I sat after painting for 6 hours. Thoughts of my friend flooded my brain and then my eyes and all I could think about was wishing she was here. FG

[p]

You are doing ok, i am glad you are finding outlets like painting sometimes these things can help us through. I still miss my friends that died, they had a huge impact on my life, it is still raw right now, but it will get better, it takes time, it took me a long long time, but there is no grieving deadline, it happens, its a journey and it takes as long as it takes, i dont think we ever fully get over it but it is bearable down the track. Thinking of you and glad you are back after your relapse, so glad you did not continue it. Well done on that

P

[female g]

April has been taking forever to warm up here. On the news they said we had more snow in the first 11 days of April then we had all winter. Crazy right?? I find once April arrives I am usually up lifted knowing spring has arrived. Not so much this year. Thank goodness this weekend will be much warmer and everything should feel new again. Excited to see new growth everywhere for sure.
I am going to start working out again and return to my swimming. Been long enough without routine.
Focused and fearless. No gambling either. FG

[maverick.]

Always good to read your posts and see you around female g, really hope this finds you well and as always wish you all the very best in the world, so sorry to hear of your lose and I can relate, time is a healer I promise you that, we never forget and we never should but eventually the memories make us smile.

take care my friend and wish you well.

Maverick

[female g]

at this point I find tears and laughter hitting me often at the same time. I find I’m busier then ever these past few weeks perhaps trying to avoid too much quiet time.
The one good thing I am happy about now is that spring has finally sprung. I love this time of year. Everything is new again.
I had a great visit with family I don;t often see and it went really well. Time to reconnect I guess.
I went to a baby shower too and enjoyed seeing folks we rarely see too.
Sunday I spent the majority of my time outdoors. Cleaned up the back yard so that we can enjoy the outdoor space.
trying to relax a little now. No gambling and dept is getting paid.:( FG

[female g]

well lets put it out there. I did it again !!! Still no financial damage but wasted money is not good either. I could do more with any extra cash I know, but after a difficult and extremely busy week I couldn’t talk my way out of a well deserved evening out. I paid all bills and had a few hundred left so away I went. My worry is that I am going to start something I can’t stop again. I told my hubby and he understood why but I know he is dissapointed In me.
I am going to try to stop myself before it gets to late and I find I will create a bigger problem. I will hand over more money and if there is extra we can both decide how to have fun together and use it for us and not me. onward and upward again. FG

[maverick.]

Female g, well done for getting back here and posting, you are a good person and must keep trying my friend, stay strong and keep sharing, never give in and as always one day at a time.

You know as well as me if we start again where that road leads us……….I keep going down that same road and strangly enough it keeps leading me to the same place, just for today I dont want to go to that place again.

Take care female g and will always wish you well.

Maverick

[lizbeth4]

One day at a time FG! You have been through a tramatic time with losing your friend. You learn to live with it but the pain of loss is always with you. I am glad that you are posting about it and that you didn’t cause a lot of damage. It’s good that you have made a plan involving extra cash and that your Husband is on board. I think you will be fine. Our recovery journey isn’t always a straight path, it is filled with bumps and turns. Take care and move forward.

[female g]

thanks soo soo much for the words of encouragement and support. It really is appreciated. Just what I need at this point.
I am going to work harder at remembering what we begin to forget after not gambling for good amount of time. why that is isn’t always clear but I don’t want to fall back into bad habits and bad decisions that could greatly impact my life.
I think I begin to feel confident after staying away and start to lighten up on barriers etc. Time to change that and focus more on recovery I guess.FG

[female g]

urges urges urges !!!!
So its true those urges are persistent and annoying to say the least. No one to blame but myself for that. I deserve it I guess when you flirt with gambling and you think your in control. I am frustrated for sure. I am fighting them but wishing I could go for just some fun but I see clearly that this is dangerous thinking. I’m only wanting something I shouldn’t have I guess.
Do you ever get to the point when it all makes complete sense and you just stop wanting what you can’t have.???
One of my co workers tells me she just won 13 thousand and even shows me the cheque and seems to win very often and all I can ask myself is why her and not me ????
Well back to the drawing board as they say and try to convince myself that is not good for me on any level.
Right now I truly can’t trust myself so I am relying on my hubby to keep me in check until I rebuild my confidence in myself.
I want to pass on my regards to all of those that I share with and let you know I’m thinking of you all but right now I just can’t get into posting much or commenting on your threads. hope you understand and hopefully Ill come around soon.FG

[vera]

For me, FG, every gambling trip has a price tag. I ALWAYS lose all my money in one foul swoop, hence my immediate halt. In the aftermath of gambling (always loss) , I torture myself by reliving the experience and wonder if the outcome would have been different if I had staged my tactics differently. That briefs me for the next run, when I try my „different tactics” only to find it all ends the same way. It always end the same. Then, to add insult to injury, in between „episodes” my mind , as it recovers from the recent trauma, becomes overwhelmed with planning my next trip, my next loan , my next gamble, which, each time, I plan to implement with a new strategy i.e. smaller bets, bigger wins and a quick exit as soon as I have a bagful of money. Does it ever happen that way, FG?
NO!
It ALWAYS ends in misery and in between each miserable outing, a CG loses his/her peace of mind.
Peace f mind is the most valuable thing that gambling robs from a CG.
I smiled when I read about your co workers „Win”! I wonder where will that end up and how much it cost her!
You really think this person ALWAYS wins?
I seriously doubt if she ever „boasts” about her losses.
CGs NEVER win, FG.
You and I know that, based on past experience.
See you later in Charles’Group if you’re around.

[female g]

This all makes sense Vera and I’m trying to keep my head in the right space.
Exhausting work week.
Physically worn out due to being under the weather.
No gambling urges though this week.
Some great news for my children, two of them got job promotions and one had a wonderful holiday in Hawaii and that makes for a great way to celebrate Mothers Day. The down side is there will be little time to celebrate the day since I have to work this Sunday due to staffing issues 🙁

[p]

You sound so busy i cant keep up with you.. you have always worked long hours i remember, and i remember when you got your spa and pool.. i was excited for you… being able to get in that water and relax its like therapy..
Keep going FG the gambling is a hiccup you have the gamble free time still, keep going with it, just dont give up on giving up

P

[female g]

That’s the plan P I am back on track and hiccups are curable. I am in for the long hall and ready to buckle down and get on with it.
Still need to work less over the next few years and hopefully I can make arrangements in the next year. I’m not getting any younger and its time to learn a better way so that I don’t end up missing out on the things I deserve to enjoy.FG

[female g]

Well its over and I’m home and just going to relax now. I am going to just keep fighting ideas and urges to gamble and work hard to never go again. I’ve realized that no matter how much gamble free time I accumalate I can never again attempt to just have a fun night out gambling. it won’t work for me and I think Im seeing that clearly now.
accepting this outcome is the only choice I can make and it has to be a lifetime choice FG

[female g]

I am happy to say that I got myself home and didn’t gamble. I was wanting to go and was looking forward to the self deserving short lived buzz. I would have gone if it wasn’t for Hubby calling me and making me know I needed to get my as… home where I belonged. It was just what I needed to help me know what I needed to do and that was not let my hubby or myself down.
Relief was my reward and my pay off. I felt a little disappointment but I also felt safe.
Ready for a challenge of another week. FG

[vera]

Glad to hear you got home safely on Thursday, FG. Could you pan to do something else after working instead of being „frog marched” home or do you finish late?
Not gambling is a reward in itself, but it can be frustrating for a CG to feel we are being monitored. I know if I were in your situation I would be making a plan to find an alternative to the Thursday „treat”!
Just sayin’!!

[maverick.]

Just wanted to drop in and wish you well female g, I have been meaning to share with many but just been so busy, on my lunch so thought I would make a couple of posts, really hope you are doing well and thanks for your ongoing support as always, take care and speak soon, all the very best.

Maverick

[female g]

thanks Mav, for dropping in. I was happy to see a message waiting for me as its been awhile since I’ve felt like posting. For a few reasons I’ll share. I had to work a few extra shifts lately and that simply wears me out. Summer is the biggest factor though since there is so much to do and things going on. Lots of outings and get togethers that we have really enjoyed. The biggest thing is getting a big retirement party organized for my hubby. He is ending his job at the end of this month. so lots to do for that.
I am working hard to not gamble and fighting urges alot. After losing my best friend I felt like I didn’t give a damn about much, so it left me feeling like nothing matters.
Trying to turn that around now and get back to what matters in life. Picked up more routine swimming too, Still working on the main floor paint job too. I need a holiday soon !!!
That”s about it for now.
I do want to wish everyone well and hope that you all are in a good space in life. Staying gamble free is my hardest goal but knowing we are all in this together really makes a difference for me. FG

[female g]

just had a wonderful party for hubby.s retirement on Friday night. A hundred people showed up at my hotel where the party was held. Loved every moment of it. reconnected with old friends and family. A great number of teachers came out to help celebrate. I hired a great music guy and my daughter sang 3 songs too. The kids had a great speach prepared and Hubby did a great job too on his. Danced to the wee hours .So much fun.
Saturday we were treated to a lovely dinner made by our son in law and our youngest daughter. We were joined with her inlaws and it was awesome.
Sunday we again celebrated Father’s Day with our other children and enjoyed a barbeque. Beautiful weather and a fabulous weekend.
Hubby has just a week of work left and begins a new chapter in is life and I am excited for him.
Life is good and lots to look forward too. FG

[vera]

Great to see a post from you FG
You have marvellous energy!
Long may it last!
I wish your husband a long, happy and healthy retirement.
It seems there will be no room for gambling in your life from now on.
The best is yet to come.

[lizbeth4]

I wish your Husband a great retirement and it’s great that you celebrated it with family and friends. It is a new chapter in his and your life. Enjoy!

[vera]

Everything ok, FG?
‘Haven’t seen you around for a while.

[kathryn]

The possibilities are endless FG!!!!
Now that hubby has retired you can look forward to the next phase of your lives together. If I were you I would definitely teach him how to use the washing machine, the dish washer, take him on a tour of the supermarket, get him cooking lessons….LOL LOL!!!!!

I’m joking really!!!!!

The party sounds like a blast!!!! He deserves it after all those years working.

Hope you are well and happy my lovely friend,

Love K xxxxx

[Pea]

Hey FG

Hows things in your world? Well we have both been here a long time together, what a bumpy journey yet we are still somehow here. I hope that you are ok and you will come post soon and let us know how you are

Pea

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