[sunny123]

Dear friends,
there are still few familiar names here and hopefully some of them will recognize me. though i found my old thread but somehow i cannot write on that.
a warm hug to „vera”. i was reading few of your posts.

for last few days /weeks i was thinking of coming on the forum but as my last bet was on 29/11/2011, i thought i will write on finishing my two gamble free years .. unfortunately that did not happen as i slipped.. a small blip on the last week of september and then big time on 01/10/2013 which was my birthday.
well, what to say, i thought that i will die before i gamble again.. after going through hell but then made spectalular recovery.. one day at a time and made it to one year 10 months. there was no big urge this time , more of boredom or just to try it.. stopped completely after playing roulette for few hours first time.. but then it was the same whole night binge.. which i repeated twice.. feeling very ashamed of myself.. as my son was sleeping with me at that time when i was just putting money to the site again and again.. and would not stop till the message came that maximum limit for a day on the site is reached..
wish i could have learnt the lesson with just small blip that something is coming up and i need to take steps to prevent it.
anyway.. i am not making any excuses to myself and it is just my foolishness that i let the guard off and invited the disaster. the money i wasted was being saved for the mortgage of my house as i am in the process of buying house. hopefully if i manage not to do anything silly, it should not affect my deposit.
the things had been great in gamble free time.. gradually overcame my depression, thanks to all the friends here for their support and guidance, worked hard, most weekends, developed my photography skills which consumed most of my free time. got divorced in january and all financial settlement done, things ok with ex and we both looking after kids and they are doing well as our relationship improved, took kids on various holidays and one day at a time worked and was thinking that i have beaten my addiction..
i am more determined now not to let it happen again.. it was avoidable but i know from long history of gambling.. that once it starts.. it is difficult to overcome.. so will have the blocks in place to prevent any further damage.

[icandothis]

Hi Sunny, I do remember you. Congratulations on a successful recovery. Success isn’t always perfection. Don’t let these recent slips ruin the progress you have made. Buying a house is so exciting. Part 2…and the journey continues. Use what has recently happened as leverage to make part 2 of your journey even better than part 1. Our lives are filled with new beginnings. Looking forward to reading all about your recovery and your new beginnings on your new thread.

[vera]

I often think of you , Sunny and wondered what became of you!
Belated Happy Birthday!
I have been „unfaithful” to my recovery program many times but all any of us can do is start again.
When there is big money at stake, it is CRUCIAL that you tie it up in some form, Sunny because it will vanish otherwise and the after effect will leave you devastated . Gambling is not worth that risk Sunny so draw the line now and do not even dream of dipping into that money for your house. It would be tantamount to stealing . I don’t say this as a judgement but I know how much it means to you to get a nice home for your boys to grow up in. Don’t allow gambling to steal that from them. you will regret it forever.
Well done on your very long break from gambling and or having the courage to come back and share with us.
You are still one of GT’s idols, despite your „blip!”
Keep posting!

[p]

Hi Sunny
I remember you well. I am glad you are back and a big congratulations on all that gamble free time that is a huge accomplishment. Well done! Glad you got straight back on track and got back here. Hope to see more from you soon.

P

[sunny123]

thanks a lot all for posting on my new thread.. i am not sure whether it is possible to revive the old thread as i was so attached to it. well, the lessons are learnt the hard way for us CG’S. i did not take action on that day and ended up adding to my losses. again that craving returned and overcame my resolve. but the very next day i have put gamblock on my laptop so hopefully not any more now. you are right ican that i should use it as a lesson and built my recovery much more stronger on it. thanks vera for reminding me how much this money means to me and how important it is to keep it safe. i worked very hard on my recovery and made every day count in last 22 months.. cannot afford to go back in the darkness again though i must say it is so easy to slip back and once again you loose interest in everything else in life. working long shifts this weekend and trying to think positive. though i have lost a huge sum in just 3 gambling nights but cannot keep cursing myself and ending up trying to recover some of it.
i feel ashamed of myself that when i knew it well , still i did not stop myself on the very first night. but what happened has happened.. looking positively to the future once again.. may be i needed this kick to remind myself how close to disaster i was.
vera, i wish you had a longer recovery but we have to try every day and after every relapse.. that is hard fact of our life and that is difficult to change.. thanks once again for all your support.

[finding_laura]

Hi Sunny, good to see you start a new thread for the next part of your recovery.
I think they call that testing Sunny. Where we almost want to try and see if maybe we can gamble normally again. Like maybe now that the blood isn’t boiling with the fever of gambling and we are thinking like a rational human being we could gamble just a little. But very quickly we learn that the illness/addiction is still in us. Just sleeping. And once it is awoken by that first bet it comes back hungrier than ever. So the good news is that you have now experienced this and know that the illness/addiction is always going to be there waiting for you to give it an opportunity. Good that it hasn’t affected your chance to own a home. Good that you know you need to keep your recovery tools in place and sharpened. Vera is so right, make sure you have barriers in place to protect any saving you are doing. Savings have been blown before, it’s like a recovering drug addict walking around with a pocket full of drugs. Now you know so much more the effects of savings and maybe complacency on a recovering CG. Congratulations on all of your recovery days. The good thing is they are a habit you will remember. Nothing takes them away. Stay strong, you can do this.
Laura

[sunny123]

thanks laura. remember you from the last time. hope you are well, thanks for your support. this forum did it for me last time and i am sure that i should be able to come back on track with all the support here. it is so depressing to see that you spend so much time in looking for the best deals and try to make saving in everything and keep putting all the money in casino without thinking once.

[p]

Hi Sunny, keep going, you have done it before so you know what to do, What worked for you then? Use the things that worked, once we wake that gambling demon it is harder to quieten down, just do your best to get back on track, keep posting it helps to get your feelings out of your head and onto the pages, makes it a bit better for me to do that. Welcome back!
P

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