[micky]

Today by way of this journal i choose life without problem gambling.

[micky]

I havn’t gambled since saturday 19th of july so i guess im on day 10 of a new start , I will never give up giving up. I have around £19 or so to last me 17 days but i have survived on less in the past. So thats nothing new, so here goes.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky.. Welcome.. You have taken a very positive step and are on your way. The journal will help a lot. You will get lots of advice And support on here!! Your new life begins today!!

[micky]

Thank you sad68 i much appreciate your reply we all need good words and positives and yes my new life begins today.

[Dunc]

<

Hello Micky and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, I hope all is going well. I was just reading Moniques post on Sam’s thread and as she say recovery is definitely possible. Se here we all are in or trying to get into recovery. It would be nice to hear a little bit about your story Micky . Keep posting!

[micky]

Thanks sad68 i will post tomorow going to work soon 🙂

[micky]

I really don’t want to go into the past , it’s pretty much the same as all problem gamblers, lies, deceit , helplessness, hoplessness, suicide attempts, divorce, lost family, prison, lost home, probation, community service, fines, etc etc etc etc, we all know the list go’s on and on and on and on. ( ive microwaved it all rather than going into details ) , On top of all this we problem gamblers also have to cope with day to day normal problems and the big ones as well like bereavements like all other normal people as i call them do ! So lets move onwards and upwards, when i went to bed last night i thought to myself „isn’t life 100% easier without abusing alcohol or gambling” . I cannot have one or two drinks of alcohol i have to get drunk, i cannot have one or two bets i have to keep betting until it’s all gone, so for me it’s all or nothing. So for me abstinence is the way forward. Bye for now . Micky.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, I think that is so wise. Live in the now. When we live In the past we can find a hundred excuses…and possibly a hundred people to blame. When we live in the future we can set ourselves unrealistic goals, and let’s face it the future plans of any compulsive gambler always involves a colossal win somewhere along the way. …and we know how that one has turned out for us. By living in the now we accept responsibility for now, we have no one else to blame and we only have now to cope with. Very wise!!! I know what you mean about the alcohol and gambling. My stop button seems to break once I start also!!

[micky]

Thanks sad68 for the good advice – living in the now , i think if you live in the future tomorrow will never come, don’t get me wrong everyday is a struggle one way or another but it’s easier taking it one day at a time that way your not putting pressure on yourself or at least no where near as much. 🙂

[charles]

One day at a time can achieve great things Micky, keep posting.

[micky]

I like the ODAAT philosophy but struggle to concentrate sometimes , although like i said earlier my life is 100% better without problem gambling. We use a human performance tool at work called S.T.A.R STOP- THINK-ACT-REVIEW. We use this before we do any job , and also O.M.R.A ONE-MINUTE-RISK-ASSESSMENT. If we as problem gamblers use these before we place a bet i think they will help us before we make that wrong decision. 🙂

[p]

Hi Micky
Well done on your gamble free time , its not easy but it is simple, so they keep telling me in GA. Do you have any GA meetings near you you could attend. its good to get as much support as you can as this addiction is a really sneaky and powerful thing when it wants a feed

P

[micky]

Hi P and thanks for the post, i think the nearest GA meeting is about 40 miles away, i will seriously consider going 🙂

[Névtelen]

HI Micky, I hope things are going well for you. Well done on all you have achieved. It is not easy. I love your STAR and OMRA. I am going to use them from now on. I know the ODAAT is very popular on here, but for me it is more like one minute at a time. It is amazing how even a few days gamble free makes us more human and gives us our peace of mind back. It helps us get things in perspective and gives hope. Many people on here have managed to stay completely in recovery and there is no reason why we can’t too!!

[micky]

Thanks (sad) things are going well at the moment.One Minute At A Time does help me more right now than ODAAT. As far as gambling is concerned it’s everywhere isn’t it, colleagues at work doing it on there apps on their phones, the racing pages in the daily paper, adverts at half time on t.v during the football interval. It would be nice to gamble like my colleagues at work but they only gamble what they can afford I cannot 🙁 so i say good luck to them 🙂 i am in no way jealous of them but it must be nice to be able to gamble only what you can afford to lose and leave it at that .

[Névtelen]

Well the thing is Micky we don’t know how much they gamble! The could be compulsive gamblers, on their way to becoming compulsive gamblers or chasing their losses. We don’t know. We never thought that we would become compulsive gamblers. I think the same when my husband is thrilled cos he made thirty quid on a football bet little knowing I have just blown 300 on the slots. The only way we can be free is to be gamble free. The other thing is even if we were gambling the small amount ‘normal’ people gamble it would not make much difference if we won a tenner here of there so we are not missing that much. All we know is that we recognise we have a problem and we are working on sorting it out. I know people who decided one day to stop gambling and have very good lives now. Some have done exceptionally well. It’s like they really understand the value of money, and will never again leave themselves without. That can be us too Micky!!

[Névtelen]

Well the thing is Micky we don’t know how much they gamble! The could be compulsive gamblers, on their way to becoming compulsive gamblers or chasing their losses. We don’t know. We never thought that we would become compulsive gamblers. I think the same when my husband is thrilled cos he made thirty quid on a football bet little knowing I have just blown 300 on the slots. The only way we can be free is to be gamble free. The other thing is even if we were gambling the small amount ‘normal’ people gamble it would not make much difference if we won a tenner here of there so we are not missing that much. All we know is that we recognise we have a problem and we are working on sorting it out. I know people who decided one day to stop gambling and have very good lives now. Some have done exceptionally well. It’s like they really understand the value of money, and will never again leave themselves without. That can be us too Micky!!

[micky]

Hi sad, i really like that comment „they really understand the value of money” i think all of us problem gamblers do too. Unfortunately we only understand it when we have very little of it , like me right now budgeting on very little until payday . We problem gamblers i believe are masters at surving on very little money because most of the time we do not have any or very little due to gambling it away. So if we overcome gambling or limit our gambling we already know how to be frugal and careful with what we have left, so we can in time pay our debts and even save some money for a rainy day so to speak 🙂 And in the meantime live a happy and normal life 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky. You are so right, if we applied the same money management techniques before we gamble our months wages we would be millionaires. I know I was gamble free for about six months and the freedom and peace of mind was unreal. I just felt happy, paid about four grand off my debts and life was getting better. I gave into one urge and the past six months have been hell.. So the secret is not to give into that first urge. It sinks you into a cycle of chasing losses and chasing more wins, I the end we never win, because we can never stop. Keep working at your recovery Mick. Make sure you have barriers in place. For when You get paid again.

[micky]

yes sad im working very hard at my recovery and it isn’t easy to say the least , it’s easy writing all my goals and aspirations down it’s another trying to remember them when i need to most . I will get there. 🙂

[Névtelen]

How’s it going Micky? Hope you hanging in there!! It’s hard going but very possible!!

[micky]

Hi Sad , i must admit it’s going well at the moment, when i went back to work on monday the 28th of july (after having my rest days ) i almost didn’t go but i’m so glad i did. I need stability in my life and to be honest work does help although i moan about it. it pays the bills and debts 🙂 . Like i said earlier for me i have to break ODAAT down into smaller pieces , hours , sometimes even 5 or 10 minutes and then they all come together to form the day . I like being in control and sober , thinking straight and all the benefits that brings with it. How are things with you? 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, life is ok! Worrying all the time about money but being frugal so hopefully be ok. I have no means to gamble right now and no real desire to do so. I have a little money in the bank (I think) and just telling myself that a little sacrifice now will make for a better life in the long term.. Keep working one minute at a time .. We are what we are and we need to learn how to live with this addiction!! Delighted to hear u are doing well!!

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, life is ok! Worrying all the time about money but being frugal so hopefully be ok. I have no means to gamble right now and no real desire to do so. I have a little money in the bank (I think) and just telling myself that a little sacrifice now will make for a better life in the long term.. Keep working one minute at a time .. We are what we are and we need to learn how to live with this addiction!! Delighted to hear u are doing well!!

[micky]

Me too sad, money is a constant worry but you are bang on about sacrifices now leading to a better life in the long term. I remember a few months ago one of the lassies in the barbers who cuts my hair saying , we work all week, and focus on going out on friday, for 5 or 6 hours to spend our hard earned money getting drunk, having a laugh and suffering with a hangover all of the next day and sometimes 2 days , whats that all about ? makes you wonder doesn’t it !!!!!!!!!

[Névtelen]

That’s people like us!! People who live in the now in the worse possible way! People who don’t plan but are impulsive.. People who can’t put off reward .. Like a child who will take one mars bar now rather than wait a few hours and get ten mars bars!! Living in the now in a healthy way means making good choices in the now!! And that good choice might well be to sacrifice an immediate reward because we know that we can have something better in the future! Sorry my opening statement is incorrect… People like we were!!!

[micky]

Hi Sad yes your bang on again rewards are earned through hard work, i’m making choices all be it small ones at the moment on „soft ground” so to speak but i know they will lead to me walking on much „firmer ground” in a weeks time so i can then keep going forward . 🙂

[micky]

Everythings going well in my recovery , i never thought it could have gone as well as it is . Just goes to show with a bit of self help, will power, barriers and encouragement from others what can be done in a short space of time. 🙂

[Névtelen]

Well done Micky!! Brilliant news!!

[micky]

It sure is Sad, ticking along nicely. I’m looking at my targets and aspirations and adding to them as i go along , keeping them simple but achievable be they short term, middle term or long term. Rome wasn’t built in a day goes the saying, like building a house you must lay solid foundations first and then build up or else the structure will end up falling down before it’s finished . 🙂

[Kirty1972]

Well done Mickey and keep up the good work.. As you say 1 day at a time but you are doing really well and good to see positive vibes
.

[micky]

Thanks kirty, i’m having to break down the day into smaller time slots, 5 mins , 10 mins , one hour etc to get the days in and it’s working that way for me 🙂

[micky]

Keeping focused isn’t easy as we all know it can creep up on you and wallop you have done the damage before you know it, so i’m thinking all the time i get the urge to gamble of the things i can do instead and what the money can buy . I have just been out for a walk to see my youngest son (50 minutes there and 50 minutes back) im lucky in that i live close to the sea and can walk along the coast most of the way. Great to see the waves crashing onto the beach and walls, saw about a 100 oyster catchers beautiful birds with bright orange beaks. Home now and enjoying a nice cup of rosie lee ( tea) . Life is good.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky , so pleased to read that that things are going well. That sounds like a really lovely walk. Good for the body a d the mind! Keep working at it.. Look how much progress you have made already .. Really impressed Micky!!

[micky]

After a nice day so far, weeding ,ironing , housework, surfing the net to find out what was eating my tomato plants (a hornworm) which i found hiding in a cane 🙂 i was sat outside reading my book, when i remembered the saying . „Life doesn’t have a remote you have to get up and change it yourself” . I thought of all the usual around 3 weeks ago , drs, ga, counselling, hypnotherapy, (which i have never tried , not yet anyway) oh and alcohol to blot it out. But i came to the conclusion that at the end of the day there is only me who can end the problem gambling and i have to want to . So although it’s only 26 days down the line i’m pleased to say i haven’t gambled and all is going well at this present time . 🙂

[Névtelen]

Micky!! ONLY day 26!! I would be thrilled to get a day six.. You are doing remarkably well. It strikes me that you have loads to fill your life with which is really good. I used to love gardening but can’t get motivated to do anything now. Even washing dishes seems to take so much effort!! I never heard that quite before.. Life doesn’t have a remote control . You have to get up and change it yourself! I love it and am going to display it somewhere in my house!! You are doing amazingly well!! Keep posting . I love to read success stories!! U Micky are a success story!!

[charles]

Well done on your gamble free time Micky.

[micky]

Thanks sad and charles for the encouraging posts. Sad, i have had my fair share of hiccups big ones and small ones but mostly big ones, i’m drawing on all that experience to keep me gamble free every minute of every day so please don’t think i’m finding this easy because it sure isn’t 🙁 everyday i think about gambling again i’m just using my mind to answer those negative thoughts with positive ones, like what can i do with the money if i don’t gamble and LOSE it. All i can say is it’s working for me so far on my new journey and i hope you too can work your way through those awful urges to gamble ( i know you can do it ) 🙂

[micky]

I did it, i got through the last 19 days with £19 ,a £2 tesco coupon and £5 from an old bank account yes £25 in 19 days , by god it was difficult at times but i did it, saying that ive done it countless times before due to gambling losses . But i have never felt so positive for a long time in myself even though i was struggling. Today i got paid and i didn’t gamble i paid all the things i had to pay . I think that with not gambling for the last 27 days and not drinking alcohol for the last 20 days has worked well as a combination, no alcohol means a clear head both at home and at work . Yes i got the urge once or twice but instead of thinking what if i win i thought what if i lose and all the repercussions that would bring , another thing i went to the supermarket and shopped frugally i didn’t overdo it just because i got paid. A long way to go i know, but i feel good about things at this moment in time , this journey is going to be a long one , probably a never ending one but im glad ive chosen a new path. 🙂

[Névtelen]

Wow Micky, if u cud do that every month u wud be so rich.., possibly suffering from malnutrition but rich lol!! I love pay day.. It’s the best feeling in the world just knowing that you have money !! Which makes me wonder why we blow it so often ., This is a new journey.. A journey to freedom and peace of mind as well as rewards instead of repercussions.. We have been so ridiculously daft.. Repeating the same behaviour over and over again with less and less success!! This is you Mickey on your way.. Take the time to think things through!! Stay on route!!

[micky]

„Think things through” i like that one sad. I did get the urge again last night but thought it through (what if i lose was my thought and the repercussions). So im sitting here this morning very happy with myself 🙂 hope your doing okay too 🙂

[Névtelen]

Well done Micky.. I wish I could take he credit for that one.. I think it was Harry who wrote in my thread years ago remember the 7 T’s.. TAKE THE TIME TO THINK THINGS THROUGH. So glad you didn’t gamble Micky. Just imagine next pay day when you might have a little left over from this one. And life starts to lose they unpredictability . You have cash in the bank and a little money behind you!! What a great feeling that will be.. Money worries destroy us. They consume us almost as much as gambling thoughts. But a little planning and care and they can be behind us forever!! Keep strong Micky.. Your gamble free days are really adding up

[micky]

I will deffo remember that Sad. I’m off to london tomorrow to visit my brother and his wife so i won’t be on GT for a few days, hope you keep well and gamle free. 🙂

[micky]

Got back from london late last night, really enjoyed my stay with my brother and his wife. Went on the london eye and visited the „hunterian” museum tuesday, done the twickenham tour wednesday , visited R.A.F hendon museum on thursday . Also played badminton and got to see my nephew playing rugby. For the first time in a long time i had a bottle of lager and enjoyed it without the need to get drunk . I did get urges to gamble but didn’t act on them especially on the drive home when i was gambling in my head , placing the bet in my mind , but i also remembered the 7 t’s . Thank you for that one Sad it certaintly did the trick. Had a nice relaxing day today and feel good about myself . 🙂

[Névtelen]

Well done Micky!! So proud of you. I am finding the same thing that my empty life is be becoming full and happy again. Friends are reappearing and I wearing a smile on my face.. It’s great when you find you are enjoying normal things.. When your mind is not totally obsessed by gambling it is amazing how other things kinda happen to distract it.. We are out of the vicious cycle. Lets never never get caught in its teeth again!! Well done mate!!!

[micky]

Well done to you too Sad 🙂 lets keep it going 🙂

[p]

Well done on not gambling.. glad you are coming here and posting and sharing your days with us.. it is a tough addiction, its that bit easier with support like this, buckle up and hang on..

P

[micky]

Buckle up and hang on i like that one p, i sure am doing that 🙂

[Névtelen]

How’s it going Micky??

[micky]

Hi sad i had a relapse on sunday and tried to get my money back on monday, fortunately i didn’t lose anymore but it means i’m back to square one again. If anything it has made me more determind to keep at it and i have already got back up and brushed myself down so to speak. Going to be another long 3 weeks but ive done it before 🙂

[C_Noel]

Wow! Such amazing stories of hope and encouragement. I am so glad I’ve found a place in which I can relate to so many people without judgement. This is my first public attempt at recovery. I’ve tried to stop gambling in the past but find myself relapsing just after a couple weeks. This has been going on for about 6 years. You sound so determined so don’t give up! Perhaps the relapse will only shed light onto what emotions and behaviors lead us to it. I’m trying to understand but it’s hard for sure! I’ve got $19 to last 8 days and I hate that feeling.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, if recovery was easy there would be no addictions.. I read somewhere that most people have a relapse when recovering from gambling,so that is yours over.. Make sure you put barriers in place now so that when u get paid again And have forgotten the pain u can’t access gambling.. U are in recovery still Micky … Keep working on it.. You must watch BBC MOVING ON PUNTER.. It’s in three parts on YouTube.. Vera recommended to me!! Keep strong …sad

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky… Hang in there mate.. You have started on your journey of recovery and with perseverance you will get there. You deserve recovery Micky because you are worth it!!

[charles]

Well done on your honesty Micky. What things might have stopped you placing a bet on Sunday? Learn from what has happened and make it harder for it to happen again. keep posting, one day at a time.

[micky]

I’m really annoyed with myself to say the least but i can’t change what happened only what will happen in the future. I still have light in the tunnel 🙂

[p]

Hi Micky i know its hard, I’ve relapsed over and over and over but the good thing is you are coming back here straight after and trying again… the worry is if you dont come back.. keep going, keep learning.. never give up

P

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, I hope you are doing ok! Let us know how u are doing ?

[micky]

im not doing very well, went to doctors yesterday and asked him for help, im being referred to a mental health team and a psychiatrist . He’s given me a month off work for now , im sick of being sick.

[Névtelen]

Micky that will give you a little breathing space..I hope you are not feeling too low.. Remember there are always better days ahead and sometimes we just need a little break for routine to take time to find ourselves again. Getting the help you need is very positive and there are few of us who don’t need support at sometime in our lives..accept all the help you can get Micky and you will feel well again

[p]

That is wonderful that you reached out for help not only from here but from your doctor, i think the more we open up the better our chances.. take every ounce of help you can get.. what works for me is keeping busy, going to GA meetings regularly, coming to sites like this and reading and posting, having a higher power to connect to.. hope you have a good gamble free day and night

P

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, where are you gone? Let us know how you are getting on.. I think I might have it cracked this time. 3 weeks.. A miracle for me!! Look forward to reading your update!!

[micky]

Hi Sad and Vera im still here , well done sad on 3 weeks. 🙂 im not so good at the moment mentally health wise , im going to docs and i have an appointment witha psychiatric nurse this thursday . I feel as if ive reached a crossroads in my life , im 50 years old and want this madness to stop . I am getting as much help as i can get, but as you know it isn’t easy, so im also doing lots of self help too. Will keep you posted. Thanks for asking after me. Micky.

[Névtelen]

It’s not easy Micky and has taken me so many attempts to get this far. But it can be done. When gAmbling is out of our lives it gives our mental health a chance to recover. The roller coaster or winning , losing .. The highs and lows play havoc with our mental health..it’s wise that you are reaching out for the help you need. Keep posting !!

[Névtelen]

Day 12 Micky is super. Two days off a fortnight. The days will build up quickly after a while. Check out the support groups Micky. I go on there most nights. They are really helping. I also did lots of online hypnosis . I used Elronn Ferguson and it took a few sessions but worked for me. I do a top up session now and again.
Very few make it on the first attempt.some do but they aroe few.. The important thing is you are are in recovery. When we truly accept that we cannot gamble at all,not even a raffle ticket for charity, then we really start to be become secure in our recovery.. And that’s forever Micky!! Not one bet on anything!!
Use the groups.. .write on the forum 100 times a day if u need to. It’s your recovery. Use every support available to you..you will stay gamble free Micky!! We are on our way to freedom and a great life!!

[micky]

Yes i will check them out thanks SAD 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky!! Sorry to nag but have you all those total barriers in place for pay day?? Can u honestly say that even if u decide to gamble just a tenner u won’t be able to?? No credit cards, no debit cards, no access to cash, gambling block in place!!! You know the routine!! I hated when Charles went on at me. I felt like saying yes to shut him up but u know what now I’m glad he did. Please Micky get it all sorted NOW!! If u think the urges won’t come u shud know from experience that they will!! I think I’m going to just about make it on my foreign holiday at the end of the month. It will be a frugal holiday but a holiday nonetheless!! These are the things u can do with ur son Micky!! he deserves it. U deserve it. Get those barriers sorted Micky!!

[micky]

No worries Sad it’s constructive nagging, ive had £110 to live on since the 26th of september and i havn’t gambled that so i must be doing something right 🙂 Also on payday most of my salary is spoken for. I am planning my days now so i have a routine to follow and am sticking to a daily budget writing everything down . I am also exercising everyday and feel much better physically and mentally . I can see a much better future now for me and my son 🙂 Also not drinking is helping enormously , everythings easier with a clear head . Also if do get the urge i have a friend who i can call at anytime . Thanks for the advice it’s good to know someone cares and knows what im going through . 🙂

[micky]

It’s day 16 for me and what a last 14 days its been, two weeks ago i wrote something down ” I choose life” . In those 14 days i have fronted up to my DEBTS ( got a decent debt management company to look after them for me) . Stopped DRINKING ALCOHOL ( my head is clear and i can think straight) . Stopped GAMBLING ( Only one winner now ME ) Started BUDGETING MY MONEY PROPERLY ( Writing everything i spend down in a spends diary) Started EXERCISING (everyday 40 mins on exercise bike- feel great) Drew A LINE ( under all the things that were dragging me down mentally) And the most IMPORTANT of all concentrating on myself and my youngest son’s well being. 🙂

[micky]

17 not out and enjoying my problem gambling free days , phone rings and i answer it , my confidence is growing all the time . House clean , cats fed, me clean , me fed , it’s a great feeling. 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, just reading ur last post on my thread. You thought your life was over!! I know that feeling. My instinct that u are a genuine and good person has just been confirmed for me. You employers held your job for you while you went to prison. Micky I cant even imagine what it must be like to have people who believe so deeply in you!! They must hold u in high regard.
I hope you are starting to see yourself through others eyes. I laughed as I read how you now answer your phone. I think every cG knows that one where its easier not to answer!! Micky u are gamble free and gaining freedom in every area of your life!! Keep strong!!

[p]

It is good to see you going strong, keep it up and keep posting. You are doing really really well..

P

[micky]

Day 19 and going strong and loving my gambling free time, so much to do and so little time to do it . Payday tomorrow and my day is mapped out , ive used the last 19 days to my advantage , budgeting with £160 and i still have £17 left. It hasn’t been easy but ive got there with alot of determination and willpower. The spends diary and daily exercise have been a winner ( pardon the pun ) plus the alcohol free has kept my head clear to make the right choices. 🙂 I have been to see the doctor and a community pyschiatric nurse but at the end of the day self-help is very important because once you walk out of their door your on your own again. I have also self referred to the only NHS problem gambling clinic in england , unfortunately it is in london and has a waiting list of up to 8 weeks due to the number of people being referred ( so were certaintly not alone) .I’m more determined than ever to beat this addiction. Micky. 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, How’s pay day going?? Hope you are planning lots O nice things you can look forward to! Best of all I hope you are looking forward to the happiness of a gamble free life!! You are doing great Micky!! Hang in there mate!!

[micky]

Day 21 – Problem Gambling 0 – Micky 21. Yes 21 days = 3 weeks . Had three urges yesterday but did not act on them , phoned a friend ( my phone a friend when i get the urge ) . Last night i took stock of what i had achieved yesterday (pay day) , simple things like food in the cupboards, food in the fridge, toilet rolls in the bathroom, kitchen rolls in the kitchen, petrol in the car, but most of all peace of mind . Slept okay and awoke looking forward to a new day i think it’s called being in control and making the right choices. I’m budgeting weekly on an allowance i have decided on for myself which means all bills, dd’s and most importantly my creditors get paid. I know it’s going to be a long 10 months with half of my salary going to creditors but it’s something to look forward to and aim for . It’s a light at the end of the tunnel , when not so long ago i didn’t have a tunnel never mind a light. If anyone out there is feeling hopeless and helpless , please reach out and get help it is there if you look for it , i am with a debt management company called step change ( they are a charity and don’t charge a fee so all money you pay them go’s to your creditors ) Also don’t be ashamed to pick up the phone and speak to the samaritans if you feel you can’t cope they will listen . I hope this helps anyone who finds themselves in the position i was in. I thought i had lost everything when i was sent to prison but i never gave up giving up, i chose life.

[micky]

Day 22 and not one urge today, im keeping my spends diary , exercise diary , budget and everyday things to do notes well and truely priority and everything else falls into place after that .

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, hope u having a great weekend!!

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky? How bout an update? I go on Hol tomorrow so mite not be on much for next week but will try check for ur post!!

[micky]

I have to be honest here , i lost okay . i lost okay is a statement . It’s nothing knew whether it’s gamcare or g.a. or gambling therapy these do not work for me , i think it’s in the wording of these ( don’t get me wrong they work for some people) But there titles are a reminder . I look at posts on here and chatrooms and alot of talk is about non related gambling . G.a. and gamcare it’s all stuff that depresses me continual stories of sadness it’s not good and not positive . There is no-one on this site that has not re-lapsed and i find it all very depressing . Don’t get me wrong i have done it myself but it sends out the wrong message . I suggest that anyone who agrees with me reads and definetly buys a book by phillip mawer called overcoming gambling. The book treats you as an adult and also condemns the gambling industry and rightly so as a destructive cancer on society destroying peoples lives , sucking the money out of individuals until they lose everything and giving nothing back. Yes they might put money into gam-care about 5 million a year but reap profits of 550 billion you do the maths , suicide in gamblers is 20 more times the average of any other again work it out. I am reading phils book, he talks about the greyhounds and there plight after racing it’s death they are only good for 4 years then they are shot . The book is honest and and upfront and treats you like an adult. I love my cats but im joining the greyhound charity too , no more gambling on a poor animal which win or lose will be put to death when in perfect health. The only way of closing gambling down is if we all win and they all go bankrupt THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN or WE ALL STOP GAMBLING AND THE GAMBLING INDUSTRY GROUNDS TO A HALT that will never happen . If anyone really wants to stop gambling buy the book PHIL MAWER – OVERCOMING GAMBLING.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky , I had written you a really long post and the page refreshed and I lost it. So I will rewrite it into shorter posts!!

Firstly , you are right. There are a lot of sad stories on here. The truth is people find their way to sites like this when they are desperate and low. Read any first post on here and you will read of a person whose life has spiralled out of control.so this site is kinda like a lifeline for people. There are however several people on here who have successfully stopped gambling for years and years. Immediately Charles, Harry, kenL, Bettie and Lizbeth come to mind. I hope next year to add my name to that list! I am into my seventh. Week gamble free and life is quickly returning to normal!! Well better than normal because I really love the fact that I have a little money and the huge worry is gone. It is a little because of Course I have debts . But my child has got a new school bag instead of the very tatty one he returned to school with in September and is just about to start the music lessons he has wanted for a year!! These things make me so happy!! Just little things. But they are things I can now do ! Life does get better quite quickly if we can just learn to live with the finances for a while!!

[Névtelen]

I completely agree with what you write about the gambling industry. It is an industry built upon greed! I am not surprised to hear about the poor hounds, and I have heard also that rabbits are caught, kept in appalling conditions , and then thrown in to a pack of hounds with no way to escape, and ripped to pieces. This is to blood the hounds so they will chase after the ‘rabbit’ in a race. The hounds who get four years are the lucky ones. Hounds who don’t show promise as racers are killed much sooner!!
I am glad that book is helping you Micky.we all have to find our own life -lines!i will try get my hands on a copy!! we need all the lifelines we can get!!
You are right though.. I had countless days ones before I got to here. But I am here!! Don’t give up and chose whatever you think will help you!
The difference between this time and last is that I haven’t left myself any options… In the past when i stopped gambling I always left some little avenue open.. Like a credit card with a few hundred, or self banned from sites but didn’t put a gambling block in my phone/computer so there was always a way ! When i eventually stopped (as with last time) it was when I had NO WAY TO GAMBLE. I have no credit cards and can’t gamble on my phone!!
I’m not sure if any if this helps u , but Micky it can be done! If you are on here drop me a line.. If you need to take a break from here I will keep you in my prayers!!

[micky]

One step at a time – one day at a time. So glad ive found the strength to start again , the easiest part is to stop , keeping stopped is the hardest .

[micky]

On friday i wrote a post saying that GA, Gamcare and Gambling Therapy didn’t work for me. I got it wrong about this site Gambling Therapy does work for me , over the weekend i have written and supported other people on the site and it’s been great therapy for me knowing i am helping others as well as myself through our recovery. 🙂 Micky

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, greetings from sunny Spain !!really enjoying e benefits of not gambling this week!! Glad u are finding the site helpful . I hAve noticed that u are one if the people who gives back to the site. You try to support others on their threads and I’m glad you find this helps you also!! Hang in there Micky . It’s not easy but it can be done!!

[micky]

Another day another dream well for me anyway, another step closer to where i want to be and theres only one thing stopping me ME! I reached out for help only a few days ago but it’s got to be a two way thing otherwise there’s no point . I also had a very important decision to make on which charity i will give a small amount of money every month now i do not gamble. As i am already a volunteer for an animal charity and i also give monthly to marie curie cancer care i decided to give a small donation to the N.S.P.CC. after alot of consideration. 🙂

[kpat]

You were so nice to post on my journal and it meant a lot to me. Helping others by posting is something you can do for free! And let me tell you, I could be considered a cause in and of myself.
You wrote to me that I would have some hard times ahead and you were correct. Yesterday was a really down day for me. I had a pity party all day.
Today has been much better.
I am trying to remember what I liked to do before I started giving my life away to the slot machines. The list is short! I have been running to the casino for so many years now that I have kind of forgotten who I am. I have to take some
Time to remember me….

Today is special. It is today. Hope you have a fantastic one!

[micky]

Walking is really helping me at the moment , 3 walks in 4 days , no way was i walking yesterday torrential rain but i do have my exercise bike to fall back on. Even though i may initially think i can’t be bothered , when i get back home i’m so glad i did . Exercise really does clear the head and keeps you fit too, plus today i walked to the cemetery where my mams ashes are scattered so it made it even better going to see her for a talk . Another happy day 🙂

[micky]

Struggling today with what lies ahead , just been working my finances out , i know i can do it but it just seems so far away until i’m debt free. Still keeping positive, even after all my bills and debt is paid every month i still have enough money left to get by on , a roof over my head , food in the cupboard , a job, my health, so life is good really and as my dad used to say „one mans famine is another mans feast” .

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, last day of my hols and I am awake early. It’s funny the things you think about when you are awake and the rest of the world is sleeping. I was just thinking about the Irish famine and wondering what my great grandmother , who was born during it, would think of me lying in a hotel in Spain reading and waiting on the breakfast buffet opening! So when I read your post it really resonated with me. Well done on your decision to give to charity. My grandmother used to say if you are generous, your purse will never be empty. I suppose it was her version of what we now call Karma.

Feeling really blessed today. Hope you have a great day !

[micky]

I was thinking things through last night and i realised that i have only gambled on 2 occasions in the last 37 days , september 25th and october 17th . It was the amount i gambled that crippled me financially on both occasions. Also on both occasions i turned to alcohol to blot the hopeless situation i had got myself into yet again. Now it is 15 days since i last gambled and 8 days since i last had any alcohol. On the 26th of september i managed to keep £160 until my next pay day and on october 17th i have managed to keep £140 until my next pay day. My payday is the 15th of every month. I am keeping myself as busy as i can doing things i like, exercising, housework, watching tv, reading, and most importantly using all the resources i can think of to help myself stop gambling. I.E. Posting on here, reading as much as i can about compulsive gambling and how to overcome it, i have self referred to the C.N.W.L. in london and i’m finding all this so much easier , well no 110% easier if i don’t have alcohol or gamble. I have said in a previous post that once i stop gambling and abusing alcohol everything in life is so much better , simple things like getting up in the morning and having a cup of tea , checking the news , picking up my son from school, making his tea, feeding the cats , feeding the hamster, and the list goes on and on . I’m feeling good today . 🙂

[icandothis]

Micky, Thank you for the kind post on my thread. I have read through your journal, also. You are doing great. I, too, have gambled less often, but find that the losses are bigger and bigger. I have had to look honestly at the damage done this past year. I found I was fooling myself when it came to my recovery. Still we have to look at the big picture. You are making great progress. I love reading your posts.
We have something else in common. I, too, would drink alcohol to get me through those days after gambling. I haven’t given up drinking completely, but I do need to be careful, and am working on that as well. I am very impressed with the progress you have made with that as well. Keep up the good work. There isn’t a person on this planet that doesn’t have things about themselves they should be working on. It takes great courage to see our weaknesses, then seek out the help we need, and then actually take action to change as you have done!!! You should be very proud of yourself!

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, I echo everything Ican has said. Two times in that many days is a really great step forward Micky but as we all know the financial consequences of two days linger for months. I found getting from one pay day to the next without gambling eased things a little, and also gave me confidence in my recovery. Look how far you have come Micky!! You deserve the peace of mind being free from gambling brings!

[micky]

Day 17 and alls well at Mickys mansion (well 2 up 2 down ) mid terrace. But its mine all the same and it’s a roof over my head. Just looking on the brightside of life. 🙂

[charles]

Hi Micky, sounds like you two gambling days have come after payday? What things can you put in place before next pay day? What will be different this time?

[micky]

Hi Charles thanks for the post, I believe i have turned the corner and have found another street, the street of life . The last 2 weeks have been hard and soul searching , the 2 books i have read have opened my eyes and made me think about alcohol and gambling in a totally different light. They have no place in my life anymore. Self excluding , giving someone control of my finances , limiting my money are not options if someone wants to gamble they will find a way ( i have done them all in the past ) . I’m actually looking forward to payday and budgeting for the 4 and a half weeks until the next one. Physically and mentally i have never felt better. I have ambitions and targets in my life now , first time for years . I will be posting on G.T. as i have been everyday with how i am getting on. Micky

[micky]

Yesterday was a great day again, not because of anything special just because it was normal and so today will be too . 🙂

[micky]

2 horses have died in the melbourne cup race, one from an horrifically broken leg and the other the favourite having finished last in the race collapsed and died. Re-inforcing one of my reasons i do not gamble anymore due to the cruelty horses have to suffer for greed and so called entertainment. Also last nights documentary about greyhound race fixing , disgraceful , poor dogs running with drugs in their systems to slow them down , thats apart from the awful death they face when they are around 4 years old and no good to race anymore when they will be shot. Glad i’m not part of it anymore i so hate the gambling industry now, it makes me sick just thinking about it. 🙁

[Névtelen]

Great post Micky! It is so shocking when you stop to consider the poor animals involved. Your posts are very informative . Are you still using that book you bought? You seem to have have really turned your life around., and it do lovely to read about it.. Delighted for you Micky!!

[micky]

Hi Sad yes im still using the books ( i have 2 now) to educate myself on overcoming compulsive gambling , they are so educational , i have found out through them why i gambled. 🙁 And the reasons why i now do not 🙂 Hi Vera yes your right the gambling industry in the name of fun and entertainment does destroy human lives it’s nothing but a destructive industry full stop. Like i said in an earlier post Betfred made £69 million pounds profit last year , those profits only go to a small amount of people whilst the lives of thousands are destroyed. I totally abhor the gambling industry now .

[micky]

Day 19 and another normal day, washed and polished the car, picked my son up from school , took him home , life is normal and i’m enjoying it. Plenty of noise outside isn’t it wonderful that we still celebrate guy fawkes night or bonfire night as we call it , you can’t beat tradition . And only 7 weeks until christmas eve 🙂

[JohnNobody]

Hi Micky its great to read your on day 19 and actually day 20 now! Life being „normal” as it never can be when we give in to our addiction. Enjoy being with your son. These things are so important! Keep at it.

[micky]

Yesterday i was taking my son home a little later than usual and waiting until that time he said he was bored so to kill time i put a film on (marmaduke) for half an hour or so , we ended up watching the full film , laughing together . It was great something we haven’t done in a long long time. After i took him home i couldn’t stop smiling , if thats whats being normal is about i love it. 🙂

[JohnNobody]

Great to read and hear Micky. Those moments are precious treasure them. Our children grow quickly. The time you spend now with your son is so important. I can tell how much you love and care for him. Your there for him, he needs you. Gambling does not! Glad you had a great day with him 🙂

[micky]

(1) I Walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

(2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend i don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

(3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in – it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where i am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

(4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

(5) I walk down another street.

By Nyoshul Khenpo.

[Névtelen]

His Micky, great post! You all ready for payday which is approaching? Lovely to read about the happy times you and your son are having. That’s what it’s all about!!

[micky]

Into week 3 (22 days to be exact) and my life is so much better without the booze and betting. Iv’e replaced the betting with keep fit and the booze with tea and anything else that i do , what i mean is normal everyday things , things you can’t do when you have been boozing. Early days i know, but each day is a productive day now and i’m enjoying life. I tell myself not to be lazy mentally or physically and it’s working . Looking forward to tomorrow , going to the cemetery to see my mam first thing , then i’m going to watch remembrance sunday on tv. (sober and happy) 🙂

[p]

Well done on your gamble free time.. it is so good you are not drinking too. It is pretty risky for a cg to start drinking in early recovery i think as it is just too easy for our defences to come down and things to go into a blur, I’ve experienced that before and then there you are gambling again.. You are choosing the healthy path for you today, wonderful to see and keep on going, you can do this, you are doing this..

P

[JohnNobody]

Hi Micky booze and gambling the 2 seem to go hand in hand. Lowers our inhibitions when we drink. Making gambling seem plausible … even enjoyable. So I think its good you have for now knocked that on the head. I love to drink but have cut back the past week or so. Its great to feel the positivity in your posts as you progress out and away from this addiction. Thanks for your message of support on my thread. Tomorrow looms.

[micky]

Back to work tomorrow after 10 weeks off, even though ive worked there 29 years im nervous 🙁 about going back , i suppose it’s the reason ive been off ( depression) some people just don’t get it , they think it’s a weakness a bit like addictive problem gambling because they don’t do it they see us as weak 🙁 . Anyway i’m better than them because i know the real me , they can like it or lump it, it’s my life and i’m just as good as any one them who thinks their better than me. Roll on tomorrow .

[JohnNobody]

Micky do not worry about other peoples ignorance regarding clinical depression. It is a vile debilitating condition that effects 100s of 1000s of people the world over. Just focus on yourself and getting through your first day back at work. You will be fine!!! It is not a weakness but a state we can not help when depressed. You have taken action in your life to overcome much. I commend you for that! Best of luck tomorrow will be thinking about you.

[JohnNobody]

Hi Micky just read on my journal you have got through your first day back at work! Glad it went well for you. It will get easier from this point im sure. First day backs can be difficult but you pulled through. Stay gamble free!

[micky]

Got through my first day back at work today after 10 weeks off, was really chuffed with the support from the nurse after i told her of my problems ( i even told her about my gambling problem which i have never done before , so thats 2 people i have told in the last month , i must be getting brave or something?) Anyway was good to get back, it’s another piece of stability i needed back in my life. 🙂

[kpat]

You are doing fantastic. It is very inspiring to read your posts! Keep posting, I am excited to see all the great new things you will find now that your head is clearer.
This a hard road we are taking to EARN our money iinstead of being delusional that we will win. All my wins added together over the years have only Ever made me a loser. I am tired of being a loser!
No more taking chances with my future.
I think we will all be winners if we keep choosing to work hard and pay our bills, be present and sober for our children. These are the things you have been doing and that makes you a very big winner in LIFE!

[micky]

Day 25 and i feel great , was at work today up in my big yellow bird ( the crane ) , and i felt totally at peace with the world , no hangover , no hopelessness or helplessness from a gambling binge, i felt calm for the first time in a very long time. If this is what it feels like not to gamble and abuse alcohol, i’m in , i will have some of this and more much more. ODAAT. 🙂

[JohnNobody]

Lov it Micky! To read and hear your growing positivity! Keep going along that road and you simply can not fail! Inspiration to many without doubt…!!!

[micky]

Today has been good again, had a weird sleep last night though, i was with my first wife , i packed my job in and we both enlisted in the army but the day before we joined i gambled and lost all our money on a slot machine, so when we were in the army camp i was trying desperately to find out when we got paid but no-one seemed to know and i never did find out before i finally woke up . 🙁

[micky]

Alls well again today, one of my workmates mentioned the racing at cheltenham next week or this week i said i wasn’t sure when it was, i don’t care to be honest . The less said the better but then again friends choose to gamble and it’s their choice, so it’s good to be open minded and democratic. Looking forward to tomorrow 🙂

[micky]

Well tomorrow arrived and has been a good day, payday lots of money in the bank but i didn’t gamble 🙂 Had a couple of thoughts i wouldn’t even call them urges , i dealt with them in my head and thought it all through . Where would i be if i gambled just one pound of it , back to square one , D.B.L. is my motivation DON’T BE LAZY physically or mentally. Laziness equals defeat and i’m not going there . 🙂

[kpat]

Great job! It’s so nice that you are able to see the good things and appreciate them. Your positivity is contagious:)

[micky]

Im using ODAAT to my benefit and it works but only if through that day i use all the methods and tools to get through that one minute when my guards down , it isn’t always easy but well worth it. 🙂

[micky]

My budget is so very tight at the moment and will be for the next 8 months until my debts are paid off, it’s a budget of incentive that is driving me on. In the real world there are people who are living on next to nothing , so i think it’s time for me to get a reality check and stop feeling sorry myself . I have an opportunity to put my life right thousands of people do not. 🙂

[kpat]

I agee that perspective regarding how badly others are suffering makes a difference in how I am coping with our debt. I applaud you on having a budget. I am not really able to budget just yet. The damage to my finances is very bad. I can only creep up on making a dent.
ALL that worry aside. I am not homeless. We have food to eat and jobs to go to. We have our health. I am able to say we because I still have a family. These are major blessings that many many people in this world do not have.
I have read your posts. You have these blessings too. (Your family may look different than mine), but they love you and you them. I see you as having optimism, hope for a better future. I see the bond you have with your son. You love animals and care about their treatment. You have had a rough time of things and have saught help. I think you are doing terrific and One Day at a Time is the perfect way to live. None of us could do it any better.
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time:)

[p]

It sounds like you are really are looking at the things in you life you are grateful for which is wonderful. it is easy to become negative in this addiction, i do sometimes but the times of thinking positive are definitely way better, we all have our up and down days and you are handling things well.. good on you on your gamble free time, keep on going

P

[micky]

Thanks kpat and p for the positive posts, im on my last shift of the week later tonight then 2 days off. it’s been a good week back at work after being off 10 weeks , i believe the stability helps in my life and ( obviously the pay as well , thats why we go ) . I know i keep saying this but it is so relevant , life without the booze and betting is 110% easier it’s good to be standing on solid ground and clear headed without the worry , hopelessness. helplessness and all the rest of the negativity gambling and boozing brings. 🙂

[icandothis]

You are so right, Micky! We complicate our lives and bring on our own grief! We do not have to continue to do this. I am so glad you are standing on solid ground, wobble free!

[micky]

Thanks ican 🙂 It’s a full calendar month since i last gambled . Never thought i could get this far but O.D.A.A.T is working plus the tools i use throughout the day when those moments enter my head enabling me to get through the day without acting on the impulse to gamble . Today and tomorrow i’m on my rest days from work, it’s great to be calm and contented with my life. 🙂

[p]

Wow that is fantastic you have gone a whole month one day at a time, i agree it needs to be just a day at a time.. just this day dont gamble and that is what you are doing.. congrats and keep going. Your health will be better without the grog too.. keep it up.. you are doing great
P

[micky]

Thanks p it’s going well another day of normality nearly over, i actually saw 3 bookmakers in a town i was visiting today , i did have thoughts but not strong ones and on the way home i also had thoughts but again not strong ones . I got some shopping and found myself checking the receipt to make sure it was right, all part of my new found budgeting skills 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, well done on staying gamble free. It’s not easy but you are proving that it can be done. Also well done in staying off the booze. You sound so much happier and in control of your life now Micky .!! Keep strong!

[micky]

Thanks Sad, i’m not sure how i coped with life in general before i found this new lease of life. It feels so good to be free 🙂

[Névtelen]

Freedom is fabulous Micky!!

[Névtelen]

Freedom is fabulous Micky!!

[micky]

Picture this i’m in the middle lane on the one way street ( the middle lane takes me home) i think( to myself) right hand lane takes me to the bookmakers ! Lights go green and i stay in the middle lane and go home. 🙂 Happy Days .

[Dunc]

Hi Micky

A middle lane implies it has a lane on either side of the middle… where does the left lane take you ?

H

[micky]

Good morning Harry , the left lane takes me to macdonalds when i take my son for his mac treat or morrisons / b&m’s where i occasionally shop. Today i am 7 weeks gambling free ,life is good. O.D.A.A.T. and my own motto D.B.L.P.O.M. ( Don’t Be Lazy Physically Or Mentally. ) i.e. use those tools that work both physically and mentally and keep using them even when you don’t want to , force yourself it’s worth it when you look back at the end of a gamble free day .

[Névtelen]

Micky, great motto!! Laziness is my second huge sin!! After gambling(greed). Going to DBL-POM from now on!! Thanks n well done btw!!!

[charles]

Hi Micky, I just read through the last week or so of your thread, well done on not gambling.

One thing I spotted that you might want to consider….

„My budget is so very tight at the moment and will be for the next 8 months….”

Is there anyway you can rearrange that? It’s important that we see the benefits of not gambling. Taking say 10 months instead of 8 to pay things off would allow you to see more of those benefits. Apart from anything else 8 months living like a hermit would likely seem longer than 10 months with a little non gambling fun money.

Just a thought, keep posting.

[micky]

My motto is a good one thanks sad pleased you like it :). My budget is manageable Charles but if i need to change it if i do struggle at any time i only have to contact my D.M.P charity Stepchange and they will change it accordingly, thanks for the advice anyway. 🙂

[micky]

Happy gamble free days are soooooooooooooooooo good . 🙂

[micky]

And another gamble free day is almost over D.B.L. P.O.M. is still working 🙂

[micky]

10 days since i got paid and alls going well , new territory for me , having said that everyday from now on is new territory O.D.A.AT. is working very well and substituting gambling and drinking for exercise and everyday living is something which i never thought i could do again. Reality isn’t so bad after all . 🙂

[charles]

Good post Micky

[micky]

Today is my 39th day without gambling , and i have decided to treat myself to a dvd that iv’e been looking for in the shops but to no avail so iv’e ordered it off e-bay , the grand total of £6.12 . 🙂 on friday the 5th of december i am going to push the boat out and buy my self a new pair of jeans. ( only if i do not gamble do a get the reward 🙂 )

[kpat]

Wonderful!!!

[micky]

Had a big urge to gamble earlier around 5.30 pm, on way home from taking my son back to his mams. I recognised the urge, one which i have had in the past on my way home also for some reason when i have done night shift the night before . I didn’t give in i talked my way out of it telling myself that even if i did win i would continue to gamble until it was all gone whether it be today , tomorrow or the day after that. I also told myself not to ruin the hard work ive put in physically and mentally over the last few weeks. So a big reminder to me to be aware of just how vulnerable i can be without noticing it until it was so very close to dragging me along the wrong street.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, another great post. Well done to you!! It’s relatively easy to overcome urges when you have no money but another thing altogether when wages are in the bank. I completely get the joy in buying things for yourself- the normality in it , the satisfaction and the sense if achievement ! Keep strong Micky.. You are doing so well!!

[micky]

Thanks Sad 🙂 i had another urge today but it came as quick as it arrived same sort of scenario. Apart from that iv’e had another normal day , been to a funeral, picked son up after school, done some shopping , watched the end of a film i taped last night , 6 weeks tomorrow gamble free 🙂

[Névtelen]

Wow well done Micky!! You are a very focused and determined person.!!

[micky]

Third day on the trot iv’e had urges and third day i have resisted them DBLMOP. I just talk through it to myself picturing the negative scenarios and it’s working i feel terrified of the consequences but thats a good thing when i look back on another gamble free day 🙂

[micky]

Tried to explain to a work colleague that while he continues to put money on football bets the owner of corals will remain rich and wealthy , he just sighed and replied yea i suppose. He’s right of course and so am i 🙂

[micky]

Still getting urges ( i don’t suppose they will ever go away ) apart from thinking through the consequences i’m going to write a list of things on A4 and carry it round with me so i can read and digest the reasons not to give in 🙂

[Névtelen]

Micky, the urges are a pain.. The urges are what makes us cgs. I know you won’t give in. You have come too far and achieved too much.you are months away from financial freedom!
Continue to stay active in mind and body ! You are winning… And coral will be that little but poorer!!

[micky]

Thanks Sad i do feel as if ive come to far to ever go back, my goals far outweigh any urges i have. First payment was today , 7 to go that means my next one will in fact be a quarter of my debt paid, there is light at the end of the tunnel 🙂

[Névtelen]

Yippee Micky!! Just seven months and then your wages will be yours!!what will you buy?? Will you go on holiday? Plan a really nice celebration for August!! You have such a great future ahead of you . You deserve it and you’ve earned it!

[micky]

Deffo a holiday with my son. 🙂 Another goal to add to my list thank you Sad .

[Dunc]

Hey Micky

Such a positive upbeat post…. so I hate to do this but its an issue that I’ve seen so many time

Your line ” i do feel as if ive come to far to ever go back”… complacency and testing are borne from comment like these

Keep up the positivity but always caution on the Ive gone to far to go back

H

[micky]

Yes Harry i totally agree complacency is the word i would use as well thats why i am using my D.B.L.M.O.P. tool when i need too because i believe laziness will lead to complacency. If i don’t think things through i’m being lazy mentally , once i think things through there is no complacency. O.D.A.A.T. is the only way otherwise you take your eyes off the ball , we are taught at work to start each day with a fresh pair of eyes otherwise complacency creeps in. As humans if something happens 99 times on the trot we expect the same on the 100th , thats when complacency has crept in and the accident happens . Measure twice cut once . 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, great post. I like the way Harry raised this issue. We have all allowed complacency to drag us down, so I’m really glad you are so self-aware and focused. You are going to have a great Christmas Micky. One that doesn’t involve the aftermath of gambling. Keep strong my friend!!

[micky]

” gambling gambling do not touch it will hurt you very much” I know it’s a kids rhyme my kids used to sing when they were small about matches, i just thought i’d change the words. Now it’s an adult rhyme 🙂

[micky]

Busy all day never even thought of gambling at all 🙂 just been sorting chrimbo decs out and done some housework and some shopping. My sons hamster is on his way out god love him , ive been hand feeding the poor little fella, no doubt my son will be heartbroken when he finds out but i will be there for him 🙂 It’s all about everyday things each day now and i like it this way because im able to deal with the ups and downs.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, how sad for the little hamster. He might rally round. Your life seems so normal…Christmas decorations, hamsters, housework, shopping..it sounds really good. I am so glad you are not having urges. It makes it all a little easier.
It really seems to be a case of bring the body and the mind will follow!!
Well done friend!!’

[micky]

How true Sad it makes everything easier 🙂 i’m on my last night shift tonight then 10 days off can’t believe iv’e just done a full shift cycle at work first time for months 🙂

[Tillytrounce]

I love this „thank you for posting”. 🙂

[Tillytrounce]

I love this „thank you for posting”. 🙂

[kpat]

Hi Micky,
What sort of things do you have planned for 10 days off? Your posts are very inspiring. I worked nights for one summer several years ago and I thought I would die. I admire anyone that can do that!

[p]

Alarm bells rang when you said you have Ten days off… you might be ok but i just shudder when i hear time off.. i have time off too and its filling the void that is important.. so much easier to let our minds wander to gambling when they are not so busy.. hope you are making a plan and that you have a wonderful Ten days and do some things that are nice for you

P

[micky]

Thanks for the concerns about my time off, i’m going to my works do! on saturday, i’m going into work on four of them ( 3 are o.t. will be handy money ) , a meal with my brother and sister on one of them , a dental app on another, picking up my son on 4 of them, and doing my regular exercise on most days too. Iv’e just been writing out a things to do list which is filling up nicely 🙂

[charles]

Well done on your gamble free time Micky.

[micky]

I’m handling my money better than ever ” watch the pennys and the pounds take care of themselves” so they say. 🙂 Out on my works christmas bash today , deffo not going overboard with the beer and deffo no spirits .:)

[icandothis]

Sounds like a good plan for the Christmas bash! Enjoy!
Also sounds like you are doing well. You should be very proud of yourself. Well done!

[micky]

Thanks ican i did over do it though 🙁 Hangover from hell but i will get over it , looking forward to being clear headed again tomorrow 🙂

[Névtelen]

Must be the day for hangovers Micky, but hey it’s Christmas. So happy to read u have your days off so well planned. You have made amazing progress Micky. You are catching up with family , getting out with friends, spending time with your son and living the life you deserve!!

[micky]

Thanks sad that’s so true . my cars broke down and going to garage tomorrow although i’m a bit down about it i’m not as down as i would have been if i was gambling .

[micky]

car fixed, dental app attended, walked, exercised, done some shopping and housework, it’s great in the real world. One or two gambling urges but not acted upon 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hey I am so jealous. The dentist is the thing I need but can’t afford yet!! Well done Micky on living in the real world!!

[kpat]

You are doing so well! The urges are the worst, but fighting them down, whatever it takes, feels so good the next day!
Living for the feel good of the next day is helping me set my mind straight.

[micky]

Thanks for the posts Sad and Kpat, so true Kpat living for the good of the next day, my friend always says ” the past is history, the future a mystery but today is a gift , thats why it’s called the present” I’m doing things today so easily and readily most of the time, i normally wouldn’t if i had been gambling and felt hopeless and helpless and all the other **** feelings it brings.

[micky]

Freezing here up north and no not manchester i mean proper north england 🙂 Just had Christmas lunch with my brother and sister, so good of them to travel up here to see me. Sisters idea ,with our mam passing away earlier this year to meet up and have lunch together. Something didn’t go my way yesterday , just a small thing and i got the urge to gamble i didn’t act on it and i am delighted once again i didn’t 🙂 Sometimes O.D.A.A.T. has to be O.M (minute). A.A.T. so it eventually turns into the day .

[micky]

John lennon legend is full of great songs not least „imagine” this song at the start of the album is pure class and ” Give peace a chance” at the end is very fitting just a shame world leaders don’t listen 🙁 and probably never will 🙁

[micky]

Got talking to a couple of work mates today and the conversation was corruption within horse racing , they both agreed it is rife and one guy talked about how one trainer had stopped a horse winning a race. I have known this for a long time and thankfully do not gamble but unfortunately i still get those unwanted urges that set my heart racing and stomach churning. I am not going back to that situation ever again. My strategy is to stop think and keep thinking until the urge passes and it always does eventually once my mind takes in the devastation gambling will bring to my life if i do it again.

[JohnNobody]

Yes Micky I agree. Much of the track racing is fixed. There was a documentary are how greyhound races can easily be fixed. But ultimately it is the old concept that all us CGs know „the bookies never loose” it is just we convince ourselves time and time again of the opposite. Your doing great!

[micky]

Thanks john i am doing great most of the time, the rest of the time i’m just like everyone else we all have ups and downs 🙂 it’s how we handle them no-ones life is perfect 🙂

[micky]

Back at work tomorrow on my own shift and the start of another shift cycle, just been checking on how long it has been since i last gambled and it is 58 days . It seems such a long time ago and yet it isn’t it’s felt like much longer . It is very hard at times not gambling and the temptation is always here now i have money but the rewards of not giving in to it are massive. Not drinking as much, i have only drank once in the last 51 days is paying off too i feel much healthier and happier. Every time i get off my exercise bike or finish doing my exercises i feel as if i have achieved something . Also crossing off lists and filling my exercise and spends diary’s in everyday gives me something to look at and i can see the benefits of not betting or boozing. To anyone reading my journal please don’t think it’s easy what i have achieved it is a challenge everyday and thats how i see each day as a fresh challenge. O.D.A.A.T. -O.M.A.A.T. Micky. 🙂

[kpat]

Congratulations, your last bet is so close in date to mine, I know exactly what you are saying here. It feels like a long time and it is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done.
:)Self improvement is worth it!

[micky]

Thanks Vera, i have gaudete on c.d. by steeleye span i didn’t know what it meant pleased i do now 🙂 Life is full of joy 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, it is just a joy to read how you have turned you life around!
You sound so happy as you look forward to a great Christmas. Well done . You are an inspiration!!

[micky]

Yes Sad i am looking forward to christmas i was able to buy my son the tv/dvd he wants for christmas today 🙂 thanks to our bonus from work which i would have usually gambled away 🙁 i hope you are doing okay and looking forward to christmas too .:)

[Névtelen]

Oh I am just swelling with pride for u!! I bet it means so much to you that you can now do that. Better than any win on the horses. The dogs are so fixed. In many places u only get to see them after u have placed fa bet and some of them look so drugged or like they want a sleep after a big dinner!!
But hey Micky none of that matter anymore. You have got your son a great present . Yippee!!!

[micky]

Yippee i like it Sad 🙂 Did you know every licensed grey hound track has to have a freezer to store the dead dogs in , yes it’s true 🙁 such a barbaric sport 🙁 also i overheard someone at work saying he couldn’t believe how many odds on favourites on the horses have been losing lately ??? CORRUPTION !!!! Not all but some of it has to be , hasn’t it ????

[Névtelen]

So many beautiful horses also die in the name of sport Micky. It’s too sad. But at least you and I no longer contribute to their deaths .

[kpat]

Congratulations on your 2 months gamble free!!
I really enjoy reading your posts and all the good changes happening for you:)

[micky]

My son is 14 ( 15 in may it’s not like he still thinks santa brings the presents anymore ) ) so i asked him if he would like his tv/dvd now instead of christmas day ,he thought about it overnight and took it home with him yesterday my ex-wife texted to say he loves it 🙂 Great feeling knowing he’s happy with it 🙂

[micky]

My son is 14 ( 15 in may it’s not like he still thinks santa brings the presents anymore ) ) so i asked him if he would like his tv/dvd now instead of christmas day ,he thought about it overnight and took it home with him yesterday my ex-wife texted to say he loves it 🙂 Great feeling knowing he’s happy with it 🙂

[Névtelen]

Ah Micky that was so nice of your ex. To text you. Life is going well Micky. You are it only improving your own
life but that of those around you

[micky]

Not alot to talk about today been on afternoon shift , thought about getting a £5 scratch card after work but thought better of it going shopping tomorrow morning and it will go towards that 🙂

[micky]

I’m working over christmas ( morning shift christmas day – home at 2.30 ) spending the rest of the day with my cats ( they will love the turkey because there will be plenty to spare) i will pop over and see my youngest son at some point too. First one without my mam but to be honest it hasn’t quite hit home apart from little things like the other day buying family cards i didn’t have to get her one which seemed very surreal . Thats one of the reasons i do not booze anymore it brings all the depression out of me and flattens me 🙁

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, I’ve never had to work Christmas Day. It must feel strange. Still you will be going to see your son which it great.. And will doing it knowing you have bought him a great gift!
That’s the thing Micky .. At last our kids can have some if the things other kids have..I think for a CG being able to provide things for our kids is important..it lets us see how much life has improved.
Micky you might be working Christmas Day but you will have money in your pocket and relief in your heart!! Well done on not blowing your happiness on a scratch card!!

[micky]

I like that sad „relief in my heart ” it has a kind of ring to it. I have been christmas food shopping today i cannot remember the last time i actually got everything i needed like i have done today 🙂

[p]

well done on your gamble free time.. getting all that food for christmas, happy people, happy cat i love it….
How awesome you are not gambling this christmas, thats the best gift we can buy ourselves

P

[micky]

It sure is P if theres one gift if i have given myself it certaintly is it ( oh and a pack of socks ) . 5 pairs for a fiver a bargain. 🙂

[Névtelen]

How are things Micky??
You doing ok?

[kpat]

Missing your posts, hope all is well with you.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky , I have been away for Xmas.. It wasn’t great.. How’s things with u?

[micky]

Hi vera i’m not sure if i can keep doing this anymore i have to go to work tonight i feel like a broken man all self inflicted i know maybe i can get tomorrow night off.

[micky]

Thanks Vera

[Névtelen]

Micky get into Charles group at 8 if u can. He will be hearing a lot of confessions!! He might give absolution!! Dot worry about your creditors. They will a send u a letter but u usually get away with one month. Just pay next month. Get back on track. U will have a struggle for January and then U are back on track. Hang in there. Lots of people can’t make their Xmas payments!! U are still in recovery. U just had a blip!!

[micky]

I will thanks sad

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky…Wow u are home just as I was going to bed!! Here we go day 1 . Pact intact. No going back!!!

[micky]

Hi Sad i have just been reading Justyn larcombes book it’s full of stuff we can all relate to , one little snippet mentions patience and how some people have lots of it while others have none or very little . It’s given me something to concentrate on that and our pact .

[Névtelen]

Ok Micky. I will take on board your „snippets”.
Today I too will concentrate on patience..keep them coming.

[micky]

After my last ( LAST ) slip i had to face work last night and going again tonight , no work = no money to pay bills debts etc, good news is im off tomorrow and the day after on my rest days. I didn’t really want to go to work but not going would have made matters worse. I rang my DMP today and told them the truth that i had gambled this months money , it means i won’t pay my debts off for at least another 9 months now. So im very very short of money until i get paid next month but iv’e managed before and i will again. I’m going to self exclude and limit my cash amount on my cashcard at the bank. It could be much worse, fortunately my mortgage is up to date and i didn’t attempt to borrow any more money from payday lenders etc. I can go back to my spends diary and exercise diary and take each day once again when it comes . I know i need to speak up for myself and be more positive when something has happened that i don’t agree with but with so many people these days you have to be so careful both diplomatically and democratically.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, you are a good honest bloke!!
Well done on your honesty .
So I’m going to be honest now.. I went online to close that casino account and discovered bonus money which I played down to zero..I didn’t deposit and closed the account ( I really had to struggle not to deposit Micky) so I hope our pact is still intact!!!
We need to get a few pay days in a row behind us so we can really start to feel progress!!!

[JohnNobody]

Hi Micky I am sorry to read of your relapse. I really am. But am impressed you came here and fessed up. This is a big part of overcoming this terrible addiction. Being honest with self and others around us even if it is online.

I have been in your place where you are now so many times I have lost count. But do not stop do not give up overcoming. Put this behind you. Yes sure you face the financial fallout but that is temporary. Try work out what triggered your last relapse … how can it be avoided in the future ?

Rooting for you Micky and thanks for sharing here on what must be a difficult time. All the best John.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky day 2 pact still intact!!
I have told my gambling buddy that I am giving up ALL forms o gambling for the new year. So I am saying no to everything.
Raffles for charity . They can have the money but i don’t want the raffle ticket !!
This beast is going to starve to death!!!

[micky]

I understand what you mean a new year a new start for both of us, i was thinking before about how much worse my situation could be, i.e i could be homeless, jobless, bankrupt, friendless, terminally ill , back in prison, have no contact with my son and a whole host of other things i suppose i was trying to make my situation not seem as bad as it is and it’s worked to some extent. So i’m taking it easy tonight and just having some lagers to bring in the new year new start in , i wish you all the very best for 2015 . Micky. 🙂

[micky]

All the best for 2015 to all compulsive gamblers in recovery( like sad says if your on day one you have started your recovery ) everywhere . Micky.

[kpat]

Happy New Year!!!
May 2015 bring God’s Blessings on you and your family:)

[Névtelen]

Day 3 . Pact intact

Hope u enjoyed hose lagers and feel better than I do today

That’s the end of my celebrations
Sobriety in everything from now on.

It’s strange Micky but losing that money has kinda become my whole focus.
I stress about it all the time
I could have spent it on some thing stupid and I wouldn’t care or be worrying . If I had lost it from my pocket I would just accept it and move on

Which makes me wonder …do we focus too much on gambling / not gambling??
Why is the focus so extremely negative that we can’t let go of it

Your thoughts Micky?? I know u are well read in this area

[Névtelen]

Day 4 Micky
Pact intact!!
Hope all going well with u and ur not working to hard !

[micky]

Reverse psychology when used can get you through the worst of times, i have been feeling sorry for myself recently but there again i’m not homeless, jobless, terminally ill, helpless and i’m certaintly not hopeless although i have in the past given up but thank god i’m here to tell the tale 🙂 . Like the man who complained he had no shoes standing next to a man who had no feet. Makes you stop and think doesn’t it !!!!!!!!!!!

[charles]

Hi Micky,

You posted on Sad’s thread about saving a few £ a day in a jar/tin. I’ve replied to you there.

Happy New year and maybe see you in a group later.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky .. Day 5. PI

What a great positive post

You seems to have quite a few replies on my thread so nip over n read them.

I love the £3 a day idea. I am going to do a tin.. One if those that I need a tin opener to open I’m safe enuf with cash as its online is my downfall.

Going to do £1-3 a day so always something going into the tin even on bad days .

Love the idea!

J

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky .. Day 5. PI

What a great positive post

You seems to have quite a few replies on my thread so nip over n read them.

I love the £3 a day idea. I am going to do a tin.. One if those that I need a tin opener to open I’m safe enuf with cash as its online is my downfall.

Going to do £1-3 a day so always something going into the tin even on bad days .

Love the idea!

J

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky day 6 of the pact . Days are building up quite quickly. Hope all is going well for u!!

[micky]

I am teaching myself the art of patience and it is not easy, thinking things through, thinking before speaking and before my brains fall out , and the obvious one thinking before placing a bet , the 101 reasons why i should not , „1 bets too many and a hundred is not enough” thinking 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky .. A week yahoo!!

I have NO patience!!!

[micky]

Been a good day, my pact with Sad is still going strong and the days have turned into a week now 🙂 days into weeks, weeks into months, months into years , now that is a nice thought 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky . Day 8 of our pact!! The days seem to going really fast ! Do u find that?
Like always I am impatient to fast forward until I have gambling and debt behind me forever . Sadly when I think like that I just want to gamble and get that big win and make everything ok!!
.. And we all know how that one works out..
So for today Micky I will take ur advise and practice patience !

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky day 9 pact intact !

Meant to ask did the hamster die? How did you son take it ?

[micky]

Good advice from charles (G.T.) the other day if you do have a relapse please don’t hide or give up get back on G.T. and be honest and start your recovery again i have and it’s slowly but surely working one day at a time.

[JohnNobody]

Your doing great Micky with your pact with Sad!!! and yes I agree being on the level with relapses is so important. No matter how crapppy we feel about it. Slow steps but important ones you are taking. You can really do this and are back on track!!!

[p]

Well done on getting back on track.. keep going, those days will keep on adding up and the further you are away the better things will be, although there can be challenges at least if you are not gambling you will be able to handle them better, gambling just makes every thing worse.. keep going micky

P

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky , day 9. Hope it’s getting easier for you.

[Névtelen]

Hey I did two day nines
Now I’m thinking that must be my lucky number.
So we are just starting day 11… Getting there!!

J

[micky]

Started my 10 days off today , a bit tired still, having just finished doing 2 night shifts, lots of things to do around the house i have set myself a target of completing at least one worthwhile task a day . Still teaching myself patience , listening to other people attentively definitely works towards it. 🙂

[p]

Hey well done.. i like that idea of doing one thing a day.. i need to try that myself. Procrastination is a big one for me so i need to implement things to get me moving. Way to go on your gamble free time and attitude to change.

P

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky .. Day 12. That’s a great idea to do one worthwhile thing a day . Payday can’t come fast enuf

[micky]

Just realised it’s been 2 weeks since my last re-lapse and i havn’t gambled since then and also checking my spends diary just how little i need for everyday expenses. Still working hard on my „patience” sometimes i have to tell myself to slow down because there is absolutely no rush to do most things 🙂

[Névtelen]

Day 13 Micky … We are getting there!

[micky]

I wasn’t going to but i feel i have to post this , i have just had a great day today , not because something fantastic happened like winning the lottery or i finally got to pay all my debts off or i discovered a money tree in my back yard. I just had a normal day iv’e no doubt the fact i did not drink or gamble helped but i havn’t done those things for about 2 weeks anyway !!!!!!!!!!!! I just had a normal ( great ) day. So if anyone who is reading this thinks they will never get back to normality again , guess what you can i just did. 🙂 (and i never thought i would say that again) 🙂

[kpat]

Your post is fantastic too! Music to my ears:)
Hope abounds!

[p]

I posted to you but it got lost in cyberspace. I just wanted to say. Had you not had this addiction you may never have appreciated such a simple day. I believe addiction when we are in recovery can change our awareness to what’s important, like the simple things in life… Well done 🙂

P

[Névtelen]

Micky is it really day 15!! That’s a great post Micky . I don’t feel „normal ” yet .. But I’m getting there .
Hope you have another ordinary normal day tomorrow lol!!

[Névtelen]

Micky is it really day 15!! That’s a great post Micky . I don’t feel „normal ” yet .. But I’m getting there .
Hope you have another ordinary normal day tomorrow lol!!

[micky]

Thanks P and Kpat for the encouraging thoughts , music to my ears as well 🙂 Three words Think- Plan- Do. Easier said than done i know but in that order we can all beat this addiction . 🙂 Think-Plan-Do One day at a time 🙂

[JohnNobody]

Hi I think its great to read how you both doing! And the benefits of staying away from gambling such as doing „normal” things Micky. Taking it day by day is good. Without too much emphasis on how long since the last bet. Days and weeks will rack up on there own. Be happy and content with how you have done so far which is brilliant.

Personally I dont count days anymore. I just do what I can every day not to gamble. At some point in the future all I will be able to say is I aint gambled in a long while.

Keep going -) beat this one time for all!
JN.

[Névtelen]

Day16 Micky!! Add the days before the pact n we are looking good!

[p]

Well done on not gambling.. just make today gamble free, thats all that matters..if you are on day 16 or day 1600 its still just not gambling for this day.. and repeating that each day. One day at a time Micky. its a good day if we dont gamble hey. Well done.

P

[micky]

My stomach is churning as i get the urge and craving to go and gamble but i’m not giving in to it too many negatives can come of it too many horrible outcomes .

[micky]

12 HOURS AGO I WROTE A HEARTFELT PLEASE HELP ME COMMENT I.E. I HAVE URGES AND CRAVINGS AND NOT ONE OF THE SO CALLED GAMBLING THERAPY TEAM HAVE REPLIED ????????????? SOMETHING WRONG HERE I THINK SURELY TO GOODNESS AT LEAST ONE OF YOU SHOULD BE CHECKING THE MESSAGES 24/7 OR ARE YOU IN YOUR OWN COMFORT ZONES NOW ??????

[Névtelen]

Micky I hope you are ok . Don’t give in to the urge. You have been doing so well. And even if you had its not that bad. We have got past it before.

I’m so sorry I didn’t check in earlier..you will make it Micky . Let us know you are ok!!

[p]

Hey… Hang in there. Urges are very strong sometimes and can be frighteningly powerful. One thing to remember is urges will pass… Delay them for an hour. Just for the next half hour do something else, I find the more I think on the urge the worse it gets. Tell everyone about your urges, write, eat, clean, watch a movie, ring a friend, read, surf the web, anything but gamble, buy a treat out for yourself. A meal, a coffee, a gift. The urges always pass, it’s like riding waves.. They will fade but it’s while they are intense it can knock you a bit. Urges are only urges, they cannot harm you unless you act on them. Hang in there Micky, you can do this, keep posting, keep trying… Never ever give up on giving up…

P

[Dunc]

I’m truly sorry you felt you weren’t being heard that simply goes against the bare bones of everyone involved with GT, The site we try to leave as much as possible to be a self supporting therapeutic site, the knowledge within the site is tremendous

Unfortunately yesterday we were down to one person available on the helpline which in its own right is a full time situation, we normally have multiple people but due to circumstances beyond our control yesterday we were in a very unusual job and being a charity with limited funds we can’t afford to have a 24/7 coverage… boy would I love that

Micky often I talk ” Effective Coping Mechanisms” an Effective coping mechanism is anything that allows you to remove the urgency of an urge.

A partner could be an effective coping mechanism… but they also could be an ineffective coping mechanism if they are the cause of the urge. So having only one Effective coping mechanism can cause issues in our recovery

Micky we’d never deliberately leave anyone in the cold… but yesterday you found yourself with either no Effective Coping Mechanism or a reduced mechanism.

Micky why not pop onto the helpline and let’s see what can be done to help you in the future… but please remember just because you don’t get through it doest mean we don’t care or were not working… it simply means were dealing with another member or maybe a new member or a multitude of potential issues..

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky , I am feeling your pain .. Thinking about u all morning. This is a horrible illness.. I do believe it is an illness Micky.

Today I was trying to do a bit of tidying and I came across a credit card (which turned out to be out of date) and for that split second my heart leapt and my mind immediately thought GAMBLE!!

It’s hard Micky. We have all had slips, falls an even full relapses . But we are all getting better- becoming more self -aware, realising how easy it is for us to fall back into old ways. It might take quite a few slips for us to finally get it but we are getting there..

If you have had a slip Micky drAw a line in the sand right now. Say goodbye to the money …it is no longer yours , brush yourself down and start again.. (Tikki wrote a wonderful poem about the money… It’s in the poetry corner )!
You know from experience how quickly you will feel normal again..
I think your post was very honest . You felt let down. You expected support when you really needed it and it was not there .
I could exchange email addresses with u Micky as I access them from my phone I am available quite a lot that way..

Even if you just want to talk through an urge I will reply as quickly as I can .

Hope u are feeling g more upbeat .please let us know u are ok…

[micky]

Thanks everyone i,m okay will post later 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky how are things ? Thank u for ur reply on my thread . That’s so good that your son is doing well. It’s a huge worry when our kids are unhappy ..

I think that’s a super idea to take on extra volunteers.. Kinda like the Samaritans… But for gamblers ..

I hope you are ok? You are very much in my thoughts

[kpat]

Hi Micky,
just read through your last messages and I am so sorry I hadn’t seen it earlier. I hope things are ok with you. I know I didn’t reach out at all the last time I gambled. I didn’t really want anyone to try and stop me. That you did want support and didn’t get the responses you felt were needed is a hard thing. I love reading your positivity in your posts, but truth is we wouldn’t be posting at all if all was well within us. We never wouldhave saught out this forum if we were ok.
I am sure the sight does the best they can with there resources and I would like to think that one day maybe I will be well enough to volunteer or financially able to donate funds here to help prevent a break down like what happened to you.
please know I care

[micky]

I think the frustration of this addiction gets to all of us, it just will not go away. No matter what we do it’s everywhere, adverts on tv, street corners, folk talking about it, and then in april the grand bloody national takes the nation over 🙁

[Névtelen]

Micky, it is hard to get away from gambling around us but mostly it’s hard to get away from the addiction
inside us.. But people do overcome addictions .. It’s not easy.. There are set backs on the way but we are all improving but by bit !!
We are becoming more self aware, realising where we went wring and why the addiction had the opportunity to catch us out again… Always setting our barriers higher and higher ..until we have no opportunity to gamble … And not gambling becomes something we are not something we have to fight for minute after minute .

You will get there Micky .. U have already made huge strides against this addiction!

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky.. Hey you broke nothing my friend . You had a slip in your very focused and successful efforts to overcome this horrible addiction. I am proud of you Micky.. But I know it sets back plans for debt repayments and stuff but you are getting there… Close those loopholes Micky!! Close them now!!

[JohnNobody]

Hi Micky I commend you for coming right back here. As sad said close as many loopholes as you can and do that now. Bar Block Exclude! This is a slip and this addiction would love more than anything to get you back in its grip. Now is the time you can define who you are. And get right back on track again. It is horrible I know. Been there a ton of times. But your new start is today!!!

[Dunc]

Hi Micky

Can you pop onto the helpline, im here Monday to Friday 09:00 > 16:00 uk

Kind Regards

Harry

[micky]

Thanks Sad and John for the encouraging posts , Harry i will definitely pop in sometime this week 🙂

[Névtelen]

Keep posting Micky !!

[micky]

I’m still here sad just a bit deflated at the minute 🙁

[p]

Its easy to become deflated.. try not to be too hard on yourself and just look at what you can do to prevent another relapse happening, learn all you can each time you fall down.. just dont give up. It takes however many times it takes.. you can do this, you already have shown that, its a hiccup in the road

P

[JohnNobody]

Hi Micky think P sums things up well with her last reply to your thread here. In the grand scheme of things what is happening now and what you are going through is part of your own unique and very personal recovery.

These dark days will pass and be replaced by much brighter better ones. You can regain the lost ground. You have done this before and have the power in you now to do this again. Keep pushing forward Micky come on! Dont let this addiction beat you!!!!

[micky]

ITS A PRIVATE STORY 🙂 THE NAME . On a much serious note folks i have a son called ROSS he is 21 i have not seen him seen he was 8 years old. He isn’t dead i have paid child maintenance until he was 19 and i have sent christmas cards and birthday cards every year in the last few years leaving my contact numbers inside the card as well , when this all started the non contact etc i got a solicitor on the job basically cost me a couple of thousand quid in 1999/ 2002 i have not had contact with my son since . What am i supposed to do i think about him every day .

[kpat]

Dear Malcolm,
There is nothing I can type that will solve this problem. I just want you to know, that I hear you. I cannot imagine your pain, but I am reading. Losing a child, not knowing if they are safe, is unimageanable to me. You are a very strong man. To live with this each day is a heavy burden. Please be kind to yourself. If he ever reaches out to you, I know you want him to see you in the best light possible. Keep doing the work, keep away from gambling and alcohol. Build the life you want him to see. You are amazing! You are an overcomer!!!

[micky]

Thanks Kpat

[JohnNobody]

Malcolm cant imagine how that must feel for you! I really cant. But he is an adult now and needs no permission from anyone to see you. Maybe try locate him, reach out, make contact, arrange to meet ? You are his father that counts and even though you have no been able to be his life it is not because you did not want to.

I know someone who had a similar situ but from the perspective of the child. They located there father. This happened when the child grew to a man around 25 years of age. They are now rebuilding there relationship. This young man was / is the step son of my brother. Who took him in as his own when he was a baby.

They have met and are building a new relationship and my brother welcomes this and supports this. There is always hope!

[p]

Well done on opening up and telling us your story. The great thing in all this is you are not gambling at the moment and you will be able to make better decisions because of that..
Well done

P

[micky]

Thanks John you made alot of sense of the situation he is a young adult and his mother need not know if he decided to contact me i think i may approach him personally rather than by letter which maybe being intercepted . P your a mind reader i am not gambling at the moment so alls good on that front 🙂

[Névtelen]

Malcolm being honest I don’t have any personal experience of this situation but I can tell it is very painful for you. Others have given you good advice .. Tonight in group Monique said that painful problems often are at the root of addictions (or something like that).
I think it’s a good idea to contact your son .. It may take him time but baby steps..
My heart bleeds for you when I think of you putting your contact details in that card and waiting and hoping …. But when u do meet your son you will be able to say I tried son..

Malcolm keep writing about your pain. Find new ways to express it .. Drinking or gambling have done little to relieve it .. Write it , share it , … (I’m not sure if poetry is your thing but there is a poetry corner on here) .. Write what u would like to say to your ex, your son , yourself ..
You are a great person. You work hard and make time for your younger son and even his hamster!! This addiction may at times mask for you all that is good about you but it comes through Malcolm..

Keep strong .. We care .. You deserve to be cared about !!

[micky]

Thanks Sad i appreciate your kind words it’s something i have to deal with . Hope your doing okay and the end of the month is getting closer 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Malcolm. How’s things today ? Hope the clouds are lifting and you are feeling positive and back on track!!

[micky]

Behind every cloud is a silver lining Sad or so the saying go’s . I am feeling alot more positive and am on the right track again.

[JohnNobody]

Good choice you made coming here and even better choice on the coffee 😉 Keep fighting those feelings. I am.
Soon going for a walk clear the head and get ready to work the evening. Keep busy …. and dont gamble! thanks for the message. Great to read you are feeling more upbeat!!!

[Névtelen]

Thats great news Malcolm. Well done on reaching out and getting support. It is a very hard addiction to overcome Malcolm but I do believe that you are making progress.. I think every slip makes us more self aware in our fight to overcome this. Can you think of what the trigger was or which extra barrier you need to put place.?
To be honest i don’t have the triggers people talk of.. I just love to gamble ..
But I don’t like what follows a gambling binge. The guilt , pain regret , hopelessness . . But you know Malcolm, we just have to brush ourselves down and start again!
You have been doing well. Your gamble free days have also meant „normal ” days , stress free days, so whatever the financial situation, they haven’t been wasted.

Hang in there Malcolm .. I know in the past I have had urges when i thought my head would explode .. I Couldn’t think straight at all.. Even help lines couldn’t help me.

You seemed to be using exercise to work through them.
Is this still working for you?
There is a supplement that helps some people but take it under proper medical advice.. It’s called NAC… Google it and see what u think. It worked for me but eventually made me feel ill!
Stay strong my friend .. Every gamble free day is a step closer to a gamble free life!!

[kpat]

Stay warm on that crane! Glad you are hanging in. Gambling is a fool’s game. You are no fool!

[Névtelen]

Malcolm , thanks for your post on my thread .
Yes why us ? I don’t know ? Why can’t we have nice homes and plenty of money like „normal” people.

The funny thing is I feel so normal right now but I am so full of anger ? Is that normal ?
Like I might have no friends left at the end of this week and I don’t really care cos I feel a bit out of control .
And then next week I will come on here and moan about how lonely I am. Haha
So we are all crazy in one way or another.
Do it Malcolm. Go out onto the street and yell.

I don’t know what to tell you about urges Malcolm. I have had such crazy ones and then I have went for months with really mild ones .
Maybe try online hypnosis or something . It’s so hard sometimes…

Or keep writing or talking.
I read somewhere that talking even into a mirror is more effective than writing cos u use different parts of your brain when u look at a face ..
Mite be worth a try ..
Just try to keep strong Malcolm.. The aftermath of gambling is just too hard .

[Névtelen]

Hi Malcolm, thanks for your post on my thread. I took a magnesium supplement last night for my stress and anger and I did an online meditation which was just ok ..

Yes I love gambling . Now that we have said it I am going through the list of things I enjoy doing and nothing comes else comes close., but I do also compulsively eat .
But I wonder why did it cross over into addiction, where we couldn’t stop despite the problems it caused for us
I think its all about brain chemistry. I have been reading up on anxiety etc and there is some evidence that magnesium supplements can help with anxiety and also alcohol and cocaine addiction.
I haven’t come across anything to say that it could help with gambling but maybe no one has researched it.

http://www.malterinstitute.org/Stress_magnesium_and_addicitions__4_2010%5B1%5D.pdf

So I’m trying magnesium citrate for a month.
You can also absorb it in Epsom salts baths . It relaxes you so I thought it might help when urges melt the our heads .

Would you try it Malcolm and see if it helps you..
There is something out there which will help us … I am going to try everything.

[micky]

I will try it Sad anything to try and beat this shit . We as gamblers live in a world of shit you know it i know it and the bookies know it . The first win is the best and no matter how many times we try it will never get better. Like chasing the dragon we will never ever catch it again .

[Névtelen]

Wow Malcolm, you are so right .. That first win. Kinda like your first cigarette .. It’s good but once you are hooked its a necessity and therefore no longer „fun”
Try it .. Malcolm also google NAC and gambling . Its a supplement which worked for me for a while . It was like the thought would come but it went nowhere . The fantasy didn’t kick in. Its hard to explain. It was like trying to start a car with a flat battery. The engine turns over but the car won’t start!
I think I might have taken too much because I ended up really nauseous and weak , but if u can take the side effects it’s good !!
Don’t be getting sick though and falling out of your crane !!
I thankfully am having no urges at the moment .
I am feeling motivated and quite normal!!
Lets hope it lasts .. Payday on Friday .. That will be the test !!

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky,
How’s things ? Hope all going well as you are feeling really positive !!
Keep Posting.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, hows it all going ? Hope you are having a nice gamble free time . Looking forward to hearing from you !

[Névtelen]

HI Malcolm.. Sorry I keep getting your name wrong !!

Thank you for your post on my thread.
It is payday and thankfully no urges . I am feeling stronger , not cured I know , but stronger .
I hope your urges have died down and you finding it a little easier .
On repalses Malcolm I have my own theory.
I have had two relapses in the last five months . The last one was very small.

I think I needed these to remind me of how easy it is to become complacent , of how it will always end the same way .
I think they have helped me „improve „… Although it seemed like I was having a step backwards I was still moving forwards.
Kinda like a cycling . You must travel over some bumpy roads on your journey, and you may have a sore „butt” after but you are making progress all the same .
You are becoming more self aware, not aware of your temptations and where you barriers have failed .

So Malcolm in my long winded way I am trying to say jay you are making progress. Please keep posting nice long posts , and join the groups … I have found them especially helpful!!
Hang inthere my friend .. Life is getting better !!

[kpat]

Hi Malcolm,
Hope you are doing well. I have decided to find the good in my circumstances and try to stay focused on that..When I turn my head too far to the right or the left, I start to get a little shaky. So I am just keeping my chin up and handling it all the best I can. By focusing on the positives, I can handle the bad stuff without having a total melt down.

[p]

Well you are going along really well.. keep it up just today dont gamble and those days eventually become weeks and months etc.. just today is all you need to think of when it comes to getting through gambling. Of course we need to plan things further ahead etc but just for gambling if you get urges, break it down and think just get through the next hour, get busy, contact people and the urges fade, but you are doing great at the moment, pleased for you

P

[Névtelen]

Makcolm I just realised that our pact was never to stay gamble free, it was to try post everyday .
I am finding it a bit hard myself to post but I would love to read an update from you
I am still doing ok..block on my phone had saved me several times.

I hope all is going well with you !!

[Névtelen]

HI Malcolm, how have things been? Are you managing to stay away from the gambling or are you struggling ? How is work? You still working shifts?
I am clean still thank God and getting there gradually. Haivjhv urges now and again.
I would love to hear how things are.. The good, the bad and the ugly ! Stay in touch Malcolm!

[kpat]

Hi Malcolm
I miss reading your posts. How is your son? How is work? How is your hamster? Are you gambling? I hope not.
Just a little worried, please update when you feel you can.
You are in my prayers.
K

[JohnNobody]

Malcolm no matter what your situation no one will judge you here! Why not make a post here …. let people know how you are ? it could help!

[micky]

Hi folks i had a really bad day today but i have told the bookmakers i am self excluding from them also i have booked a councelling consultation for saturday to see if it would suit me.

[JohnNobody]

Hi Malcolm great to hear from you! Brilliant move to self exclude! Do it with every bookmakers that you can! Make it your mission put those blocks in place and get what ever help you can! all the best

[Névtelen]

HI Malcolm.. Great to see u back on here .. Self excluding is a great idea.. Anything it takes Malcolm. How have things been for the past few weeks ? Hope all is well with you !

PS (I got that no .weeks ago and felt guilty for not checking in but happy to delete…

[micky]

I have said this before but it is oh so true , my self exclusion and appointment with a counceller had to be done by me , no -one else i had to pick up the phone and talk things through with my brother , i had to make contact with my eldest son and ask what i could i do or say to put things right between him and me. You don’t get anywhere by doing nothing . Those four things i done on the same day , four positives 🙂 Just want to say if somethings bothering you pick up the phone and talk if you have to say sorry like i did say it , you may not like the answer but you will have tried.

[micky]

If you have thought i will never beat this” THINK AGAIN ” i have had knock backs, set backs what ever you want to call them and i’m trying again , too many people give up on life and let their problems take their lives over so it’s back on my feet and „BRING IT ON ” 🙂

[I_Maverick]

Great post sir. I am facing ruin and yet today I feel I can manage if I take it one day at a time and whenever I find myself thinking of the past, I stop, let the thoughts do their thing and move on. They are like gambling urges – they have no substance. I do not have to be a victim any more and do none of us. With time we can move on to bigger and better things and whatever happens is called „part of life” whatever that is. It is part of this amazing journey.

Thanks for your positive post, it means a lot to me, at least.

[Névtelen]

Malcolm, super post . Our future is in our own hands and if we need to sort out our past to get there that is up to us too. I hope it went well with your son. Two months since I gambled Malcolm and feeling normal. You will see life get better and better !

[JohnNobody]

Hi Malcolm great to see you back here and sounding so positive and ready again to kick this addiction in the teeth! Loved your last post!! You will get through this and I know you can beat this addiction through your own sheer determination not to let it beat you!! All the best John

[micky]

So glad i self excluded and i have booked an appointment with a counceller. I do have issues with my past and present and i think iv’e been using the alcohol abuse and gambling as an escape from them . When i’m sober and not gambling my life is a happy one i like getting up in the morning 🙂 so i’m hoping the councelling will be the way forward 🙂

[JohnNobody]

Brilliant on the self exclusion! That is positive ACTION! I know what you mean about being sober. Mixing getting drunk and doing our brains in with the gambling is a horrific toxic mix!! Avoid it at all costs. Great to see you getting back on the wagon Micky!!! How are you doing today ? update would be good!!

[micky]

Today i’m good, seen the counceller yesterday for a free consultation and must admit i was very impressed, he’s a counceller / hypnotherapist amongst many other things so i’m going ahead with it i am making a first appointment which lasts 2 hours first ( questions and answers) . It feels good to be able to take control back of my life and do something about it. 🙂

[JohnNobody]

Brilliant Micky Brilliant! Your on your way again! Shows real strength after everything you have been through. Today no gambling tomorrow no gambling and lots of things in between to aid the quitting process. Absolutely love the fact you are taking DIRECT ACTION!!! Come on fella this addiction aint gonna beat you 🙂

[micky]

My appointment is next monday morning and i’m so looking forward to it , had a good day today up off night shift about 1 pm for my rest days today and tomorrow. Done some shopping, haircut , picked my son up from school, took him home after a couple of hours at my house, done a work out on exercise bike and exercises and just had a long soak in the bath . 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Malcolm, really great to hear you sounding So positive . You are back Malcolm and winning !! You are a great Dad !! Keep strong !!

[micky]

Bad day today but i’m not gambling no way it’s not the answer. 🙂

[vera]

Sorry to hear you had a bad day Micky :(!
Anything you can do to make it better?
I ‘ve had a couple of not so good days too
BUT
As you say, gambling won’t solve bad days, only make them a hundred times worse.

[micky]

Hi Vera something didn’t work out like i hoped it would and i was disappointed so i got on my exercise bike for my usual work out only a little sooner , thought it through and hey it’s not as bad as it seems as i sometimes say when things go wrong at work or something went wrong ” Nobody died” Everyday can’t always be brilliant i’m sober , gamble free and i have money in the bank and food in the fridge and the heating on what more can a man want 🙂 ( oh and a footie match to watch ) 🙂 Hey my day isn’t that bad after all .

[micky]

11 days have passed since i last gambled or had alcohol, although i’m not counting the days it’s important to me because prior to that i drank for 10 days on the belt end after loosing £2100. Just putting into perspective i basically wasted those 10 days of my life and now iv’e had a good 11 days of my life 🙂

[vera]

Well done Micky!
Time and money are not ours when we gamble!

[micky]

When i wake up gamble and alcohol free the feeling is one of peace and quiet i am able to function and my day goes in quite nicely 🙂 My first appointment with the counceller is tomorrow 🙂

[kpat]

I am glad you are doing better. I know how fast we can get sucked back into this crazy addiction. The cycle is exhausting. Good for you for going to talk to someone. Reaching out to someone and being face to face to look into our pysche can be very good in keeping us fromrepeating the same mistakes over and over again.
you inspire me and I wish you all the good things in this life:)

[micky]

Breaking the cycle is what i hope to achieve by way of the councelling i am starting as of tomorrow the first appointment is a 2 hour question and answer session 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hey Malcolm ,congrats on the ten days !! You are breaking the cycle and the counselling will help with that . I feel so happy after reading your post .. I kinda feel we’re in this together .. U n me … Gamble free!!! Yippee!!!

[micky]

Had my first councelling session today it was supposed to be just question and answers but i had some therapy as well 🙂 I already know now that this is the way forward for me and will be money well spent in the long run. 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Malcolm, that’s great news. Counselling is really good and definitely money well spent . I hope you get a lot from it.. You are right , I have been quiet.

If I’m honest sometimes I write a post and when I read it back I think this sounds like I am boasting … Like things make me so happy like being able to afford to buy the clothes on the Asda sale rail, or going for lunch with friends … But when i read back what I’ve written i think it sounds like i am bragging about what i can now afford!- ..( which. Really is no that much)
I often write and then delete ..
Not sure if that makes sense !!

Anyway I’m so glad u are doing well!!

[micky]

I believe their is 3 forms of gambling 1. Problem – I.E you gamble until you have nothing left without thinking about the consequences. 2. Moderate – I.E. you gamble but know your limits and finally 3. Fun I.E. – a flutter now and again on the grand national say or the lottery. Unfortunately everyone on here is in the first category PROBLEM GAMBLING . I have tried everything to stop you name it i have tried it and now i am having private councelling with a qualified hypnotherapist i asked my G.P. about this last september to which he replied don’t waste your money ? Yet i got no help from my G.P. i have self referred to the only N.H.S gambling clinic in england the C.N.W.L. in london and am still on a waiting list six months down the line. My advice to anyone who feels they have tried everything but keep going back to problem gambling , go for private councelling it is worth it and far less than what you would spend gambling . Hope this helps at least one other person . 🙂

[kpat]

Your don’t quit attittude is inspiring. I believe living without gambling is possible. I am so glad you are going for counseling. I am so proud of the fact that you are getting the help. It says a lot about you that you did it on your own.
Way to get serious about this.
Bettie posted on my thread right after I gambled in Jan. She said we are in the fight of our lives. She was right. What does a person do when theyy are fighting for their lives? They get help! They gather their weapons to fight.

[Névtelen]

Hi Malcolm, I wanted to drop by to say you will be in my thoughts tomorrow . I know it will be a difficult day for you .
I agree with you about the counsellor . I think we need someone to really listen to us and everyone in life is so busy . Counsellors also have a great way of changing our thinking .

While some GPs are excellent , many are people who studied night and day to get the grades while the rest of us were learning about the world , and really don’t understand very much about people and problems.
I am glad that you recognised your GP is completely wrong on this one.
I hope you have something nice planned for yourself tomorrow on Mother’s Day. I am sure your mum is proudly watching over the progress you are making .
You really inspire me by your never give up attitude.

[micky]

The journal journey is a long one unless you are fortunate enough to to find freedom very quickly . Feeling much better after my councelling appointment earlier today, i’m starting to realise that for me anyways there is something or somethings underlying that are the reason i problem gamble and abuse alcohol .

[micky]

Massive urge about an hour ago i thought it through and didn’t do it, thought about all the things that it would affect if i had lost , too many to mention so now home and looking forward to the rest of today and tomorrow.

[vera]

Well done Micky. Just reading KenL’s email about all we put on the line when we choose to gamble…home, car etc etc PLUS all the non material things.
Enjoy a gamble free weekend.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky,so glad you didn’t give in. You are doing so well.. Keep us posted

[vera]

Just to say I hope you are having a nice Easter weekend, Micky with lots of Easter eggs and no gambling!!

[p]

Happy easter.. keep going with your gamble free time.. i like how you put the three types of gamblers, i agree.. there is a social gambler, a hard gambler, and a compulsive gambler.. some of us here may be hard gamblers, doesnt look like any of us are social but lots of us are compulsive.
Whichever way it is we are here because we want to stop gambling..
Enjoy your easter and have a safe gamble free time

P

[Névtelen]

Happy Easter Malcolm!! Hope you having a great day !!

[micky]

Telepathy mine and „Happys” messages just crossed. 🙂 Never give up giving up is my message today to anyone thinking about giving up , this week-end is a prime example „Jesus” never gave up and look what happened to him . It’s amazing how many people do not know why we buy easter eggs at easter , the egg being the meaning of new life of course , easy when you know the answer but how many children know this as they gorge on there chocolate eggs. Time to teach them i think 🙂

[Névtelen]

Ah Micky … Easter Sunday is a good day To start a new life …Easter a time of new beginnings… Cos out sins and mistakes have been wiped out by one great sacrifice .

It’s kinda amazing but maybe today is a Day for letting go .. Letting go of mistakes and failures, disappointments And let downs ..

Today is New day to start a new life ..

[micky]

I’m still here, 3 weeks since i gambled last and not missing it at all , my therapy is going well and worth every penny. „Accept the things you havn’t got and Appreciate the things you have ” i heard that today and it struck a chord in me.

[kpat]

Hi Micky
I see your thread drops off close to where I took my breakbfrom posting. I hope you are doing well and are continuing with your counseling. Please update when you can. 🙂

[p]

Hope you are still doing well and that you are still attending counselling, i also find counselling very worthwhile, sometimes its harder than others but always brings with it some benefit.
Well done on your gamble free time, keep checking in

P

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, looks like we are all missing you . Hope everything is going well for you !

[micky]

Thank you all for checking in on me, no more councelling it didn’t work, this time anyway, i’m back trying a new strategy . I’m getting as much help as i can from as many places as i can. I,m down but im not out.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky ,
I’m kinda in the same place as u…
Finding it so hard to get back to normal..

I am spending money I don’t have on gambling blockers .. I can’t afford not to ..

Glad to hear u are still working away at it !’

[vera]

Micky, I’m sorry the counselling didn’t work out . It is VERY important that we meet the right person before we start. I went for counselling last year. I liked the idea of going but the reality was very different. Although Charles told me it didn’t work because of my dishonesty, I can HONESTLY say in hindsight it didn’t work because the counsellor was past her sell by date, she knew NOTHING about gambling. Didnt even realise that there were casinos in Ireland. (Every town is dotted with them.) And really hadn’t much interest in addiction in general. I pointed out that there was a casino with huge neon sites around the corner from her „office”. After six weeks, she still hadnt noticed. That indicated to me that she wasnt all that interested. She kept falling asleep when I was answering the questions she put to me. The good part of it was I had a few work issues at the time and realizing that „Addiction” was not her forte, I tested her on the other matter and she gave me a lot of help. She also learned a lot about gambling and I think she enjoyed the sessions even though she found me a bit outrageous at times. She also offered my sons or husband six free sessions each . They all declined . So much for Family support. The sessions cost 70 euro for 55 mins I had to drive a two hour return journey so have plenty free time to visit the casino on the way home and say I got delayed ! Those „free”sessions, if I am to be totally honest cost me approx 8 grand.
The moral of the story is get a counsellor who suits you and knows about addiction.
If I had been an alcoholic she would have driven me to both drink and gambling.
Of course I should have kept all the golden rules. Not carried cash/cards/ told her what I felt etc etc but I will put it down to experience! Another gamble! Some we win some we lose.
Just a thought Micky , would you ever consider doing „time” in GMA?
I can tell you I have never met a GP who knows anything about gambling.

[micky]

1. my youngest son Nicky.
2. lucky and lucy , my cats.
3.My life.

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky , didn’t u forget to add
4.my fabulous friends at GT?

Great post Micky !!

[micky]

1.My wonderful friends on Gambling Therapy.
2. Having a job.
3.My voluntary work.

[micky]

1. Being a blood donor (it’s a great feeling to know you may have helped save someones life , i’m up to 50 pints now so hopefully i have.
2.Having children, when so many people have not been blessed with them, i know friends who haven’t but would have loved to have had them.
3.Being healthy physically, so many people have not been blessed with good health since the day they were born 🙁

[micky]

Long days with no money and no car and sick and tired of being sick and tired finally got my appointment with the cnwl in july , making lots of plans everyday especially payday (danger day ). I can’t sleep , having those dreams all the time when you know your dreaming . It’s like being a prisoner in your own house , i suppose it’s better than the real prison i was in the infamous durham . Another 17 days until payday , 17 days of blagging it and feeling pathetic. To be honest i know i can do it but sometimes i’m thinking i can’t do this anymore , sorry for sounding so down about it all but honesty is mentioned alot on the posts on here and i’m just being honest . M.

[vera]

Why have you no car and no money Micky?
Are you not working? Staring at the 4 walls is very frustrating. Especially if you are on your own.

[micky]

1. Having a roof over my head.
2.Having access to the internet.
3.having my liberty.

Number 2 means i can come on here and post knowing i’m talking to people who understand what i’m going through. 🙂

[micky]

1. I have stopped gambling.
2. I have stopped drinking.
3. I can think clearly.

[micky]

I went to the bank today and applied for an arranged overdraft to tie me over until payday , i prayed to god to help me get it . I didn’t get it so i’m here again all emotionally wrecked inside . I’m not blaming god i believe in god i’m a christian and i know he doesn’t always answer our prayers. Iv’ e been far lower than this in my life and thought there was know way out so i know i will get through this . I have an appointment next month at the CNWL but having read one of charlsters posts i think i may have been put off it . I’m not sure what to do anymore . GMA looks a great place but how on earth do you get 12 weeks off work. ? I’m looking out the window right now . It’s dull and grey i can see a tree a sea gull and rain . M.

[vera]

OK Micky!
Thanks!
How about the Credit union?
‘Can’t live without some money
i know the feeling of waiting until payday and juggling figures in your head all night.
Any rich friends?

[micky]

1. Music.
2. Sport.
3. My faith.
I love my music the jam being one of my fav bands, sport england rugby union being one of my fav teams, and i have always believed in god, love the footprints story. ( the amount of times he’s carried me he must have a sore back by now )

[kpat]

I am enjoying your lists! I was sorry to read about the bank. Being really broke is a rough place. I am wondering about the hamster……is he in a better place?

[micky]

1. The royal family.
2.Being patriotic.
3.Happy memories of my Mam/Dad.
One for me to remember „Accept the things you cannot change and appreciate the things you have ” ( this is in reference to 2 of my children who i don’t have contact with) I have 4 children the other two i am in contact with. Although because my daughter will not speak to me i don’t get to see my 2 grand daughters whom i used to see if they were visiting my late mother. Complicated i know but in the cold light of day it hurts me so much to know they are out there and i can’t see them . Which is why i should concentrate on the two i do see . 🙂 M.

[vera]

Sometimes the more we do for our children, Micky,the less they seem to appreciate it
I have a friend coming today around midday
Better get up…..!!! I have everything ready since yesterday and hubby gets up at 7 am so he has the stove lighting. Imagine, in June! My sisters 6th anniversary today. Talking of the Royal Family , I remember the hospice she died in was called The Earl Mountbatten Hospice. A lovely man who was blown up in Mayo by the IRA. All resolved now since Prince Charles’ recent visit to Ireland ……Life goes on. We are only „small fry”!
I will take down this post in a few hours for fear of being reprimanded for Hate Speech. Life is gone like that now. A grandmother in the UK asked the Police if she could get the Gay Righters who were parading noisily and obscenely along her street, to tone down . She was charged with hate speech!!!
Thank God people are still allowed to say „I am a CG” That could change too!!!
I never define myself by labels so I’ll be safe!

[Dunc]

Hi Micky
Recovery is such a personal journey, it’s almost as if everyone could write a book of their recovery journey and you could guarantee no 2 books would be the same, it’s one of the reasons I avoid books on recovery written by gamblers in recovery
Micky, Charlsters thread has obviously bought up some doubts in CNWL, please don’t start to question the ability of CNWL, be positive about it. Sure there is a huge difference between the workings of CNWL and GMA, but realistically if you came into GMA with anything but a positive attitude the chances are you’d be here for 14 weeks and walk out just as you walked in…. CNWL & GMA both need the participant to be as positive as possible for the programme to work
Getting time off work for 14 weeks can’t be easy, It’s been done though and if you felt after a time with CNWL that residential Rehabilitation suited you more then you could apply and with the help of the referral team look at potential options available, I’m afraid that’s something I have no knowledge of. My time here was 9 years ago when the programme was 9 months long.. but then I was homeless and jobless although even if I’d had a job I might as well not have, every penny would have been gambled
So at the moment July is round the corner and your start at CNWL, you’ve talked about counselling although you used the words ” seen the councillor yesterday for a free consultation”… was that through Gamcare, I only ask as all of Gamcare counselling is free from beginning to end, it’s also with counsellors who work every day with gamblers… Just because it didn’t work once please don’t dismiss it for the future, I’ve had a view that counselling works better after a stint of CBT when the gambling fog has had a chance to be blown from your mind (this is only my opinion) and you may just have not found the right counsellor
I couldn’t see any mention of GA? has this been something you’ve tried in the past?, and obviously you’ve found us; although apart from the forums I’ve not seen you in any groups, do you use them at all

[micky]

Thanks Harry you have given me a few things to think about. I have had counselling through gamcare in the past and this time after going private i felt as though i was getting nowhere the guy just wanted me to talk about my childhood and it brought so many bad memories it was really getting to me. I have been to AA and if GA is the same format i don’t think that would work for me either. I hope i’m not sounding negative but thats the way i feel right now however i will take on board what you have said . Thanks . M.

[micky]

1. Never giving up giving up .
2. Sunny days.
3. Clean Clothes .

Today i walked into town because i had to, walked back via the the cliff path overlooking the irish sea, pleased i did because much more to see and farther to see it and the fresh air was good. 🙂

[micky]

1. The present.
2. Wildlife.
3. Hot Baths.

Walked into town again this morning , saw two wild rabbits , nice to see them without a care in the world . 🙂

[vera]

„Different path”is in your Thread Title Micky.
You are taking that path (Cliff walk) now, „considering the lilies of the field and the birds of the air”
A very consoling Scripture Passage (Matthew 6), telling us not to worry.
Today would be my mam’s birthday if she were still alive

[micky]

1.Reading (i am reading leningrad by Anna Reed at the moment so much suffering people dying of starvation some stealing dogs to eat to survive. )
2. A warm bed.
3.A G.P. that understands ( Thank you Doctor F. ) some don’t.

Iv’e been working out my shift pattern because i work a 5 week rota which never changes i am currently filling the gaps in when i have time to myself . I think structure is something i need in my life and filling the gaps in will help towards that. Went for my paper this morning and came home and threw the sports supplement straight into the re-cycle bin. „Hey diddle di do , the re-cycle bin for you” 🙂 M.

[Liberty]

I think your daily 3 things to be grateful for are brilliant, I check them out each time I come on site so thank you for posting them.
Good move on the sport supplement 🙂
reading is good, but when we are not gambling we sure do need structure and aims in our days, your cliff walking sounds wonderful there is nothing like being outside in the glory of nature to see how truly fortunate we are, how much has been provided for us freely and it is priceless.
I live by the sea and I can’t remember the last time I went to the beach for a walk, you have reminded me how wonderful it is, thank you for that Micky.

[micky]

1. Second chances.
2. Reading glasses (i’d be cream crackered without them.)
3. Tea.
Went for a walk yesterday tea-time down to Saltom pit the first undersea coalmine in england and reputed to be in the world hard to believe it’s only about a twenty five minute walk from my house. It was so peaceful down by the sea , i read a book about the mines once , children age 6 doing 12 hour shifts 🙁 . In winter they never seen daylight :(except on sundays their day off, it puts things into perspective when we moan about trivial things. M.

[gov3]

Hi Micky good luck on your giving up
This journey is one of a kind

[micky]

1. Experience .
2. Strength.
3. Hope.
I’m using my Experience to give me the Strength to get through everyday O.D.A.A.T. which brings me hope for a better and improved life. M.

[vera]

Well said Micky!
We are into week two of June
odaat
Having no money means we can’t gamble.

[micky]

I think i let myself down when it comes to peer pressure from work colleagues , i want to say „I don’t do that anymore „, whether it’s drinking or gambling but i really struggle to say it . I really want to say it, any ideas ?

[charles]

Hi Micky, You posted this question in the Topics Group Forum. It’s a great question but that forum is to discuss the Topic groups that are advertised and take place on a Monday and Friday evening (UK time)

As I said though it is a great question so I have moved the thread to the Overcoming Problems Forum, where it will probably be read by more people as well.

I’ve also given some of my own thoughts on it which I hope help.

[micky]

No bother Charles i have replied to your reply on there, thanks.

[micky]

1. Challenges ( without them life would be boring )
2. Crosswords ( i love doing them and you get to learn things when you don’t know the answers. )
3. War films .( Love watching first and second world war ones, reminds me of the sacrifices made and thats why were here.)

[vera]

The Brennans are a musically talented family, Micky. Enya has a haunting voice but Maire is a better singer in my opinion. For some reason they signed Enya up and got her to be the famous one. I like her singing „Marble Halls”. Ever hear it? The music on her albums is repetitive and a bit synthetic. When the family play together you get to hear the real raw talent.
She strikes me as a Sinead O Connor lookalike!

[vera]

Yea that Enya song is nice, Micky but I can only take her in small doses. Its haunting music but as I said , repetitive.
Moya Brennan (Maire) is a better singer I think.
Love your poem.
Goodbye Gambling!

[vera]

Thanks for the posts to my Thread Micky. I’m glad of the nudge to brush up on my musical knowledge and on my Irish Language.
I feel as if I’ve been asleep for about 15 years.
Sloth and Procrastination are two of my chief vices.

[micky]

1. Friends ( to be there for them and them to be there for me )
2.Photographs ( because they capture the moment , video’s don’t ).
3. Time ( To put things right ).

I’m staying focused one day at a time , keeping busy but not so busy i’m overdoing it, small jobs are good and so rewarding, i didn’t realise how dirty my front door was yesterday until i started to clean it. 🙂 M.

[I_Maverick]

Hi Micky

Just caught up with your thread. I’ve not posted much lately since getting out of GMA (long story which you can read on my thread) but to say your posts moved me would be understating it. I only wanted to add that I have an appointment with the NPGC (CNWL) on June 22nd. i did the CBT course in Dec 2012 but i wanted to be a ‘part time’ gambler and have a gambling contract. I didn;t believe I had a problem, and I did not know how bad it would get. This time I am going to do the psycho-dynamic treatment they had. GMA wasn’t right for me, but I believe this will be as it will dal with my underlying predeliction for addiction. I hope.

I am 69 days clean today, and go to GA between 2 and 4 times a week. Works for me. It;s like anything – it’ll work if you want it to.

Be strong mate, you have written some astounding posts over the time I have been here and I love reading what you have to say. I look forward to the day when the posts are positive and it will happen. Trust in CNWL I know them there as I go to the post-support groups once a week. It’s like Harry said, you get out of it what you put in.

Take care mate, all my love to you and yours.

[micky]

1. Bird song.
2. Sea wave sounds.
3. The smell of freshly cut grass.

[I_Maverick]

1. My dog sniffing and leaving pee-mails

2. hoovering the house in anticipation of my parents returning

3. the smell of freshly washed clothes

Keep going Micky, I love you posts. So much of what you write rings a chord in me and reminds me why I can never ever get back on the merry go round.

All my love

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, i have access to a laptop for a while. I cant decide from your thread whether you are gamble free but i was able to read the group chat which i dropped into but couldnt see lol.

i think you are gamble free. Its a great feeling,.sometimes the easiest answer for friends is simply ” I cant be bothered” . it doesn’t require a big explanation.

i hope life is getting better for you. its great to see you back on here!!

[micky]

1. Sending cards and presents to my grand daughters .
2. Keeping in touch with my eldest son.
3.Finally seeing my debts start to come down slowly but surely.
I’m working on new strategies e.g i’m focusing on lets say i put a £100 bet on what could that £100 be better used for , paying off debt, shopping, treating my son, savings account, fill car up with petrol, food, treating myself, and the list goes on and on and on . 🙂

[micky]

1. Patience. (Mine was tested this morning .)
2. Choices.( I am making the right ones. )
3. Sobriety. ( I am sober. )

Iv’e noticed some of my fellow Cg’s are counting days and months since they last gambled i think this is a good idea because as the days and weeks go by we can see what we have achieved. 🙂 27 days for me 🙂

[vera]

Counting days can make us patient or impatient, Micky.
I ticked off 365 G free days in 2010. I actually started ticking in late November 2009 and ticked until mid January 2011 Then like a clock that stops, the ticking ended.
I tend to count in advance for a lot of thinks. For example I count my monthly loan repayments in advance, mentally subtracting each month’s deposit, then I look back and see what I have paid and it gives a great sense of achievement. Of course, I say „look at all I would have now ,if I had been saying instead of repaying”, but it doesn’t work like that. No shuddas or cuddas. Just do what we have to do now. Counting days has pros and cons. We can hold our breath and explode when we reach our target, or we can use the tactic to measure our progress.

[micky]

I think in the last 17 days i have written 51 different things that i am grateful for, some important , some not so important , some cost money , most don’t . Alot of things i take for granted but not anymore 🙂

[micky]

1. Gareth ( my eldest son. )
2. The sound of my cats purrrrrrring.
3. Being a Parent.
Happy today folks hope you are too, if not hang on in there i did when i was at my lowest.

[micky]

Thanks to everyone on G.T. who has posted or talked to me in the support groups over the last 18 or so days i needed every bit of that support , iv’e walked the walk now it’s time for me to Talk The Talk tomorrow is D-Day ( pay day) . I have everything prepared that i am going to do . Thanks once again folks . 🙂 M.

[vera]

I enjoyed the company for the last few weeks Micky. Life gets lonely sometimes.
‘Hope you won’t jump ship when your life boat comes in!
Monday is an unusual day to be paid isn’t it? I that to do with SEPA? Maybe not. I don’t think the UK is ruled by Europe yet. We were „sold down the swanny years ago”.
I felt like going to the slots today . Fed up cooking and baking especially when no one turned up to eat any of the food. I’m stuffing myself with mars bars and kitkat instead now. To put the tin hat on it, the priest spoke about GAMBLING in his sermon. I can’t escape even in the church!
Bet you’ll be lickin’ your lips after a feed of steak and onions tomorrow evening. No beer allowed!

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, I am so happy to read you are staying gamble free. I’m sorry I haven’t been around for many of your 18 days but you are in my thoughts. You will be ok tomorrow Micky cos you have realised that even a small amount of money can be put to better use… like today i remembered my son loves to have a watch..but has spent most of his life without one…its a little thing but tonight it has made me extraordinarily sad. Reality is kicking in and we are realising that even that one twenty is better spent on loved ones. stay strong Micky!!

[micky]

1. Listening to advice.
2. Listening to others stories and how they are beating our addiction.
3. Listening to my own thoughts and doing the right thing.

[Névtelen]

Today I’m grateful I have people like Micky in my life. Always kind, never point scoring, sees the good in people even when they can’t see it themselves, forever encouraging!! Never underestimate the power of your gentle, positive encouragement.

[p]

Hi Micky

Well done on your gamble free time, I love the little lists you write.

P

[micky]

Had a really good day , thanks for the encouraging posts Happy and P. It’s good to be there for one another. Just chilling now listening to Alicia Keys „New York ” I took my youngest son there october 2013 just a distant memory now but a nice one all the same. Sometimes i do get things right and that was one of the times i did. 🙂 M.

[vera]

Hope pay day went well Micky.

[micky]

1. The choices i made yesterday .
2. The choices i’m making today.
3. The choices i am making everyday forwards from now odaat.

[micky]

I made a note of all the e-mails i got yesterday pertaining to, loans, credit cards and online gambling . The total was 34, today i have started replying to them asking them to take me off their respective e-mail lists , some have bounced back unable to send, i wonder why .

[vera]

Hope the email with „attachments” arrived, Micky?
No idea why some of your „business” e mails bounced back. The paranoid part of my mind would say it’s another ploy to keep you hooked. can you just unsubscribe? Liberty told me to do that. It works for some but not for all so I just press „delete”.

[micky]

Nothing came through Vera ?

[vera]

I will try again now M
My computer skills are poor but here goes…

[vera]

Any joy Micky?
I have to go out for a few hours with hubby now I will look in when i get back . I will keep trying until it works.

[micky]

not yet theres only one l in malcolm in my e-maill address (malcom) that might be it 🙂

[micky]

Will have a look later got to go out 🙁

[gov3]

Great that you are trying again and yes one day we will beat this horrible habbit . I had a recent relapse but I haven’t given up on given up so game on . Let’s play this game

[p]

How are things Micky.. hoping your day is a gamble free one and looking forward to seeing another post from you.. keep moving forward, i like your little three points about yesterday today and tomorrow..

P

[micky]

1. The rain , it makes sunny days even better. (it rains alot where i live .)
2. Youtube .
3. Logans run. ( wouldn’t it be nice to live in paradise .)

[Liberty]

just popping in to say I think you are doing great, it’s a delight to see your three grateful items of the day , I have to confess to being old enough to remember Logan’s run too!

[micky]

1. Rainbows.
2. Snow.
3. Tomatoes. ( i am growing two plants )

[vera]

Glad you got to watch that sermon Micky
Here we are heading into June 19th odaat and not a thought of gambling!
Hope your car passes the MOT soon. We call it NCT If they fail a vehicle its recalled within a few days as far as I remember. Cars younger than 4 years dont need to be NCTed

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, the June pact seems to be working. I think i have gone past the three week mark… not posting so much but checking in every now and again.
i love that you are growing two tomato plants. Nothing like home grown produce. so pleased June is going well for you..keep strong

[micky]

1. Talking ( it’s good to talk) .
2. Iceland (the food store , cheap food ).
3. The middle word of „life” is „if” . (apocalypse now marlon brando ).

[Névtelen]

Hi Malcolm.
Just to say I agree with your post on Vera’s thread. Who would deliberately „self inflict” this addiction? I am pleased to read you are thinking of going back to church. I get so much from my faith…although not so much from my church!!.

Choosing the right church is important- we blame ourselves enough without feeling God is blaming us too. Some churches have gambling support groups. i did an on-line course called „setting captives free”. I found and still find it really helpful.
People would call this fanciful but i believe that God intervened and removed all my internet access in one day- an otherwise perfect phone with an internet app that won’t open and a broken laptop. The moment I realised I thanked God! I needed that complete”fast” from the internet to break the spell of gambling.

Look how we have survived Malcolm.. We have survived poverty, shame, self loathing etc, and we are still here, not only surviving but full of hope for the future. Surely God has carried us when we could no longer walk!

[micky]

1. Debate.
2. Recognising my Addiction.
3. Not giving in.

[vera]

Micky, to liven up the debate, can I remind you of your opening line on this Thread? You chose a life without gambling.
Every thing we do, good and bad involves a choice. Once we make that initial choice, the consequences are beyond our control. Do you agree? Of course we never knew where gambling would lead us eventually but we do know now so today you chose not to gamble. So did I.
If I had money, I could have made a different choice and inflicted more hardship on myself. Wrong choices will always bring sad consequences. That does not say of course that every ill that befalls us is self inflicted. Just some!

[micky]

No brainer that one once we have made a choice it’s made ? My point is addicts at a particular moment in time do not have a choice there addiction chooses for them . Words mean nothing in an addicts world.

[vera]

I agree Micky that once I start gambling, I’m hooked. Even when I succumb to the thought there is very little that would stop me going ahead and self destructing, but there will ALWAYS be a period, even if it’s only for a split second that I will have the option to turn away. For me it is the Grace of God working in that split second that saves me. Left to my own human weakness, I would be doomed. Every time I gamble, I reject that „grace”.

[micky]

Individuals make choices and when addicted they have no choice that is my point i’m not talking about certain people here , and i stress once again they who have not got the addiction find it easy to make sweeping statements i.e „you have a choice ” it is not that easy if it was and i stress the point again we would not do it. ” It is an addiction” like any other .

[vera]

Lots of people on this Forum who admit to having a gambling addiction have stopped gambling for many years Micky. They overcame their addiction. Was that by chance or by choice? Those RCGs will say „you have a choice”! Maybe some of them will chip in on the debate.
I agree that once we start gambling it seems impossible to stop. In my case, I don’t stop until I run out of money. So I will choose not to start.

[micky]

1. Scandisks.
2. Mobile phones.
3. Chrimbo. only 186 days to go. 🙂

[micky]

Same circus different clowns. The facade is always the same behind the curtain .

[micky]

When i was locked up and then sent to prison in one of englands worst prisons by reputation. Durham prison was yes an awful place to be, you could not walk out and gamble or walk out and go to a pub. Do you get me if not walk on, but once let loose we go back to things we like doing. I think you get it now. It’s like treading water.

[p]

I know what you mean about having no choice in addiction.. i have a choice now but i dont feel i had one for many years.. the power of the addiction was actually far too strong for me to be able to listen or even find where reason or logic was.. If the choice had been there i would have stopped straight away.
Now i have a choice, only because now after putting in a massive amount of effort into recovery, attending meetings every week, counselling, getting in touch with people if the urge hits, now there is a choice but i didnt always have that.. i do now though, so for me now.. i have thinking time when i get urges, they are few now but i had the fight for years and years..
I know when i was in the middle of addiction it was the hardest thing on this earth for me to fight. I didnt get it, i couldnt, till i reached a place of pain and a relapse that was so devastating.. it kind of put me into wanting recovery more than wanting to gamble.. that switch flipped for me but only after being here since 2009. All the advice helps because it stays in our minds but its not what necessarily works at the time when we still have that insane obsession overpowering us.. i think when i found surrender then i found acceptance and i cant see how anyone would have made me find it but there were positive influences and the advice helped its just accceptance for me came via rockbottom.
Hope this makes sense.. when i say we i guess i should say me but thought i would just say how it was for me and i really get that its so easy to give advice when in recovery, it was not easy by any means in addiction..

P

[micky]

Makes sense P. 🙂
Today 3 things i am grateful for :
1. Delete history button.
2. Angels.
3. Big cats.

[Névtelen]

yeah the delete history button is my best friend!! Glad to see you are doing well Malcolm.

[micky]

Hope your doing well too miss happy. I asked a computer guy at work for any tips on computers his reply was ” delete history before the wife gets home ” lol. One of the best tips he gave me was never pay for anti-virus use a free one but don’t have 2 because if you do they will slow your computer down. 🙂

[micky]

Answer tea with one sweetener, result = tomorrow morning get up with clear head and start the day fresh for whatever it may bring apart from my to do list . 🙂

[vera]

Thanks for posting to my thread Micky. I thought you were mad with me.
No gambling . No alcohol but LOTS of SWEETS.

[micky]

🙂 Happy days are here again Vera i even had a twix about an hour ago. 🙂

[micky]

1. Life.
2. Changing.
3. Choices.
When we make lifestyle changes which we must if we want to improve our lives. It is important to take time out everyday to look at the big picture and where those choices are taking us. 🙂

[vera]

Awareness helps us to control our choices Micky.
„What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you”

Only 2 eggs today. Can’t control the output there!
June has been a good month

[micky]

Back garden front garden and lots of lager and food oh the joys of not gambling i could afford it 🙂 The hens should be laying loads 🙁

[micky]

1. Cinema. Taking my youngest to see Minnions on sunday 🙂
2. Patience. Used it this morning 🙂
3. Friends. 🙂

[micky]

1. Not gambling.
2. Facebook.
3. A steady ship.

[micky]

Moving on with my life off to london on 7th of July appointment on 8th of July at the CNWL. Massive weight off my shoulders today i went to the doctors and the doctor listened and listened and listened and was sympathetic . I feel like i’m moving in the right direction it’s about time i practice what i preach . Roll on . 🙂

[vera]

Glad that doc gave you a listening ear, Micky.
Maddening when you feel you’re talking to the wall.
Is CNWL residential?
I think Maverick is going there too, didn’t he say?
(Where are you Mav, if you are reading?)

[micky]

1. Choices.
2. New days.
3. Exercise.

[I_Maverick]

You always make me smile Vera. So much to say, just catching up on threads. Indeed I am now in the NPGC (National Problem Gambling Clinic) system and I had an awesome phonecall from them today. Will update my forum soon. Micky, what an AWESOME thread this is. SO glad you;re in a good place. If you’re in London at the same time as me we could me for a coffee. What do you think?

[I_Maverick]

Micky,

Just caught up with your thread. Really happy you have an appointment at the Gambling Clinic. I had my assessment last week so I can get on the psychodynamic treatment. I am now on the waiting list. I also had a call from them today and I have another meeting with them next Friday 3rd.

I love your lists. I find them truly inspirational. You sound like you are in a good place mate, so amazing to read. Your thread is top but I am now catching up.

Take care and speak soon

Mav

[charles]

Hi Micky, June’s boat will be docking in the next few days. Targets have their place but also have their dangers, make sure you hop straight on to the next boat, no detours.

Well done on your gamble free time.

[micky]

Next boat departs july 1st for our monthly pact of not gambling hope were all on board for this one : It’s a free voyage folks so please join us . 🙂

[micky]

1. Monthly pacts.
2. Good friends.
3. Exercise.

[micky]

1. Responsibility.
2. Choices.
3. Asking for help.

[micky]

1. Patience.
2. Keeping Calm.
3. Thinking things through .

[vera]

Patience,staying calm and thinking thinks through got us to dry land Micky.
Only one day left in June.
No stopping us now. We have the compass set for the next trip.
Stay focused .

[micky]

New voyage of discovery starts tomorrow anyone joining me and vera ? on our pact for july .

[micky]

1. The summer.
2. Wimbledon.
3. Birds.

[micky]

1. Being there for my son ( he broke his wrist yesterday on his sports day ) So a trip to a@e was required.

2. This weather( it’s like being in spain. )

3. Flavoured water.

[micky]

1. Recovery.
2. Discovery .
3. Mickycovery. 🙂

[vera]

How is your son Micky?
‘Hope his fracture heals.

[micky]

1. Todays a sunny day.
2. I’m off out today .
3. I’m chilling today.
And all because i don’t gamble. 🙂

[vera]

1. ?

2. ? ?

3. ???
Did you forget or are you not posting on weekends Micky????

[micky]

1. Second chances.
2. third chances
3.fourth chances.

I’m going to london tomorrow and have my appointment at the cnwl (npgc) on wednesday . I’m coming home late on saturday so not sure if i will be posting in between then . Take care all . Micky.

[vera]

Enjoy your trip to London Micky. ‘Hope things have settled down.

[I_Maverick]

Hey Micky,

great posts a ever. I have finally found a sponsor but in NA not GA. I Sam starting my gratitude lists every evening in a notebook.

I was in London over the weekend on Friday just gone I saw the NPGC and confirm I would get the treatment I want. Super pleased. Hope your meeting went well.

I am back to London tomorrow to see my son, leaving at 4am.

Take care and keep posting, your progress really eggs me on.

😉

[micky]

I’m back from london after a few days staying with my brother and attending my appointment at the c.n.w.l national problem gambling clinic. . The assessment went really well and my therapy will start in 2 months time becauce of the waiting list . For the first time in my life i opened up about how bad my problem was to my brother and sister in law, they were both very supportive and my brother accompanied me to the appointment and he is also supporting me as a family member during my therapy. So all in all i feel 100% better in myself . So onwards and upwards 🙂 . M.

[vera]

Welcome back Micky. I was hoping all would go well for you. I’m glad to hear you killed two birds with one stone on your trip to London. It’s great that your brother will support you. Two months seems like a long time to wait but by then you will be almost 4 months G free which means you will start therapy on a strong footing.

[I_Maverick]

Well done mate. My assesment went well as well. I should start in Oct, which will mark 6 months gamble free hopefully. So glad your bro and sister in law know as well, a problem shared etc etc.

You are really inspiration Micky, I haven’t been through half of what you have been through, genuinely, but I have own own unqiue set of problems and none of uys are any worse or better than any one else.

You are an inspiration to me in recovery so I hope you stay around, keep posting of your recovery and how it is going. You are an amazing bloke who has faced the abyss the abyss and the abyss faced you. You have gained so much from that which will be a positive force going forwards.

See you around mate, hope to bump into you by accident one day at the NPGC.

take care and have a great week.

[micky]

1. Being me.
2. Liking being me.
3. Accepting things i cannot change.

[female g]

great work and effort. nice to have family support.
try not to expect too much from them since its really only cg’s that get cg’s. Am I right on this one. xoFG

[micky]

Deffo right female g it takes one to know one. Just being there is enough and knowing i can phone anytime when i feel i need to is very comforting. ” The monkeys off my back ” but i’m well aware „the circus is still in town” . And always will be, it’s all about using all the tools and resources to deal with the triggers and impulses that will come along from time to time .

[micky]

1. Being myself.
2. Expressing myself.
3. Being confident .

[micky]

1. Taking control of my life .
2. Making things happen.
3. Planning things.

[vera]

Half way through July already Micky. I think we’re on a speedboat!
‘Hope your son is getting used to the plaster. Won’t be long for him now.
I get the feeling some days that „today might be my ‘lucky day'”! Then I look back on all the other ‘lucky’ days and the feelings soon change.
Not having too much money certainly keeps me grounded.

[micky]

1. Another great normal day.
2. Good friends.
3. A steady job.

[micky]

1. Self control.
2. An understanding nurse.
3. The gift of life.

[micky]

1. Making the right choices.
2. Accepting things i can’t change.
3. The present.

[female g]

great analogy and so very accurate FG

[micky]

1. Being sober.
2. Being in control.
3.standing on terra firma.

[micky]

1. Being able to face problems.
2. Being able to shelve problems.
3. Being able to do the above.
I had an impulse to go and gamble last friday but thought it through and shelved it, i thought about how well my life is going right now and my target of being debt free by december would be jeopardised if i gambled. Small steps equal big rewards . 🙂 M.

[p]

Wow well done ontelling your brother and sister in law. How wonderful that they are so supportive. That must be a relief for you. Congratulations on your gamble free time and reaching out for help. You have come a long way.

P

[micky]

1. Facing up to lifes ups and downs.
2. Not bottling things up.
3. Telling people how i feel.
Always look on the brightside I.E. your glass is half full never half empty 🙂

[micky]

1. Being in recovery.
2. Helping myself.
3. Helping others.

[vera]

July is going well, Micky
My next physio appointment will be in 3 weeks That will be the middle of August!
Scary how fast the time flies.
Delighted to see you are feeling upbeat!

[micky]

1. Time to put things right.
2. Peace in my inner soul.
3. Enjoying life.

Time flies when your sober, gamble free, and busy 🙂

[micky]

1. All things bright and beautiful . ( love that hymn ).
2. Waking up sober.
3. Waking up gamble free.

I’ve talked the talk now i’m walking the walk 🙂

[micky]

1. Gambling therapy journal.
2. My everyday diary.
3. I chose life.

[micky]

1. Fresh air.
2. Hot water.
3. toothpaste.
simple things i know but imagine life without them !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[micky]

After my appointment at the N.P.G.C. i decided to make the lifestyle change of never gambling again, i am waiting to see my therapist which will hopefully be sooner rather than later ( roughly 6 weeks from now ) If people are prepared to help and support me i.e my brother and his wife, my doctor and the N.P.G.C. i think the least i can do is give it 110% .

[vera]

You deserve all the support Mickey
You’re doing great
How is your son’s arm?
(3 eggs so far today!!)

[micky]

I had a conversation with a neighbours son a couple of hours ago when the topic came up about THE RACE MEETING AT GOODWOOD NEXT WEEK. He asked if i was” having a bet” i replied „no i don’t bother anymore because i’m sick of losing” . And that in a nutshell is the truth . 🙂

[micky]

1. Making lifestyle changing decisions and sticking to them .
2. Not bottling things up – if i say how i feel and people don’t like it – TOUGH.
3. Feeling great .

[micky]

1. Enjoying life again.
2. Being me again.
3. Enjoying being me again.
All the above are because i am not gambling 🙂 🙂 😉

[p]

I love how you post these little lists, they get me thinking. They somehow remind me to be grateful to try to look at the good, to be a bit more organised by even setting little lists in the first place, I know my day runs a bit smoother when I have a plan, wow your recovery has progressed, I’m a fan.

P

[micky]

1. Waking up sober.
2. Looking forward to the rest of the day .
3. Nice weather.

[vera]

5 eggs today Mickey
A first!
Up to now, 4 was the most.
A jackpot!

[micky]

1. Seeing my son , makes my day 🙂
2. Looking after my cats.
3. Looking after myself.

[micky]

I just wanted to remind myself of the last bet i made and the madness gambling becomes . It was on a virtual reality race ( in other words basically a cartoon ) . I decided to back the favourite at 7/4 , it won but i didn’t, i had mistakenly put down the wrong number , what i thought was a 6 was actually a 5. Imagine my horror at my mistake . number 6 was a 33/1 shot which i would never have bet on. Pure madness. As the weeks have gone by since that last bet i am enjoying my life for the first time in years doing normal things like shopping and housework without all the shit gambling brings in the background win or lose it’s all shit. I am experiencing the old/ new me , enjoying things i used to enjoy once again. I once had no tunnel now i have a tunnel with light at the end of it.

[p]

I think it’s important we remind ourselves. For myself, I have noticed as time goes by its easy to forget how bad it was.
Forgetting that thoughts can come, maybe it’s wasn’t that bad etc! Glad you are reminding yourself.
Hey you have cats, wahoooo, I love them.

P

[micky]

Well i had a bet today , iv’e let myself down but most of all everyone who is supporting me , NPGC, my brother and my doctor. I feel really confused at the moment because i knew i was going to do it and didn’t stop myself. I’m going to have a really good think about this today about why and what made me do it. 🙁

[vera]

Maybe it’s because it’s July 31st and you were unconsciously rewarding yourself for being good for so long Micky? Reward? Flawed CG thinking, but that’s how it goes.
Tomorrow is a new new day, a new month and a new chance.
Don’t torture yourself. It’s only the end of the month, not the end of the world.
You’re doing great overall!
Ps one of our hens keeps flying over the fence. I have learned how to catch her and carry her back.Hope she’s not trying to get to the casino?!?!

[micky]

I’m not torturing myself i know thats not the answer i’m just pleased i came to my senses and came home to a safe place. 🙂 Hope theres no foxes about Vera 🙁

[p]

Im sorry to hear you gambled but i am glad you are not beating yourself up its the worst thing you can do.. learn from your relapse and see where you could have had barriers higher or what you could have done, called someone when you get the urge. Delay it perhaps, wait an hour start doing something else. I know how it goes though Micky of course as ive been there hundreds of times, try to learn from this one and see what you can do to prevent it again.. well done for coming and being honest and moving forward.

P

[micky]

1. Waking up sober and healthy.
2. Having food .
3. Going to do some charity work today .

[micky]

1. Having a nice day today.
2. Feeling content today.
3. Feeling normal.

[micky]

1. Working out.
2. Being able to work out.
3. Not being lazy.
My glass is half full 🙂

[micky]

1. Patience.
2. Thinking things through.
3. The end result.

[micky]

1. Good friends.
2. Happy days.
3. Tea.

[vera]

Delighted to see you back on track, Micky!
Five eggs today!

[micky]

And 3 things i am grateful for today 🙂
1. Thinking things through
2. Taking things slowly.
3. Being patient and accepting fathertime .

[micky]

The days are so long my mind wanders wishing my life away but isn’t that the same for everyone , people wish for weekends when it’s monday, wish for the next holiday when they have just had one etc etc etc are we becoming so impatient were missing out on the here and now or am i reading too much into this ????

[monique]

It does seem to be a very human trait – always longing for the next thing/day/time etc. Learning how to truly live in the moment, the now, today, that is a great thing to do. Takes practice.
Good luck.
Monique

[micky]

A great thing to do , i couldn’t have put it any better Monique 🙂 It’s like a photograph , it catches the moment where as a video does not. 🙂

[p]

I get what you are saying… Il b happy when….. The day at a time is good for this kind of thing I fInd. Just concentrating on what’s ahead today, being in the present. Just for today not only not gambling but just for today il handle just the things I need to today. Your gratitude list helps too. Love your little lists

P

[micky]

To anyone with debts they think they cannot manage i suggest trying STEPCHANGE , they will give you free advice and guide you and they are free .

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, just checking in with you. Despite your bet you are doing really well. Delighted to read. Mite try STEPCHANGE.. I have discovered (I am such a bad person) that if you ignore the threatening loan companies….I spoke to a particularly nasty lady at MBNA this week, once they sell your debt on they become manageable as the debt collectors are just happy you are making an effort to pay. There is no interest and you actually end up paying off all the money you owe much quicker. I’m sure the experts would be horrified by my theory but it works !!!

Hang in there Micky. You are doing great and a lapse is a lesson. A reinforcement .

[micky]

Life has no remote control, you have to change it yourself and go for it .

[micky]

The budgets in place now all you have to do is stick to it and the rest will be easy 🙂

[micky]

Nice E-mail today off my DMP saying once my debts are repaid they will help me with my new budget after that which will enable me to stay debt free ,something worth looking forward to , only 4 more months left to go 🙂 I’m still waiting for my follow up appointment with the NPGC. But as they say good things come to them who wait. 🙂 In the mean time it’s budget and stick to the things that work and i know how to do it , concentration, motivation, patience , most of all though keeping focused on the reasons why i’m doing it .

[micky]

There are people in all walks of life who do nothing but moan and it’s all doom and gloom imagine if they were in the grip of gambling addiction ????????????

[Névtelen]

Haha Micky…but us gamblers are eternal optimists … Always hoping for the big win…the forum is very quiet isn’t it? ..

[micky]

Fair point but i’m not doing that anymore so no big win for me ever. I’m sick of losing and my debt will be clear by the end of the year thats a bigger target and win for me.

[p]

How fantastic that you will be debt free by the end of the year! That is wonderful. It is good you have a plan and you can see the hard work you are putting in will be so worth it for that gamble free life.

P

[micky]

A plan and very hard work it is to say the least. But the rewards will be massive I.E. no debt by the end of the year and then a new budget begins where i will save money . 🙂

[Névtelen]

Well done Micky. SO glad to read you are doing so great!!!

[micky]

There is so very little help out there for compulsive gamblers , gamcare funded by the bookmakers is only as good as the people who work for them and they are usually not very good, i have had to travel down to London for an appointment with the NPGC all the way from cumbria and after my assessment ( about one hour ) to be told there is a further 2 months waiting list for my therapy to begin and then when i phoned them yesterday to be told another month . If your an alcoholic or drug addicted the NHS throw help at you it’s so frustrating . 🙁

[micky]

For anyone new to the forum, read peoples journals we are all in the same boat here and use the helpline when available and also the groups too . But most important of all never give up giving up setbacks and relapses are all part of recovery from this horrific illness.

[Liberty]

Fantastic to read that your debt will be paid by the end of the year and that you already have plans for saving.
How are you doing Micky? How was your bank holiday weekend.

[micky]

Still waiting for my cbt to start through npgc , ah well self help it is then nothing changes there, will power and positivity it is. Talking about suicide today and some of the people who i have known took that way out , desperate people take desperate chances and then when there minds are in turmoil only see one way out. Just was thinking no way i am giving my life up because of a few thousand pounds of debt, i haven’t committed crime of the century. „keep right on till the end of the road” Hope this helps anyone who feels desperate , phone the samaritans they will listen i have in the past . 🙂

[micky]

Sacrifices and budgets are so hard to keep up when the compulsion to gamble is over whelming i’m working on another strategy to overcome my impulses to gamble and will write more about this tomorrow.

[micky]

Walk away from your impulse and think it through , talk it through inside your head and talk yourself out of it, lastly baulk at it don’t accept it don’t go with it recoil from it . Easier said than done but practice it until it becomes second nature.

[micky]

I have a timeline and better late than never, i am feeling good about myself at the moment making plans for when i am a totally gamble debt free, whilst budgeting is very difficult and very hard with very little spare cash ( most of mine is going on my debts so i can pay them off quicker ) the budget will continue when i am free of my gambling debts. ( i say gambling debts because i have also got a mortgage which in itself is a debt ) . The reason i am saying better late than never is because i am 51 years old 52 in march and my official retirement age is 60 , which means i need to have paid my mortgage off before then in order to have a roof over my head come the day i retire. So i am going to re-do my mortgage when my debts are paid so it is paid off before i retire. All pie in the sky i know but „better late than never” .
Three things that i am grateful for today:
1. being able to make plans.
2. being healthy.
3. being of sound mind.

[micky]

1. Making the right choices.
2. Working out.
3. Being honest with myself about things i cannot change.

[vera]

Well Mickey
All I can say as far as slot machines are concerned,is
„If nothing changes, nothing changes”!
Glad to hear you’re up beat and positive.
My husband paid off our mortgage when he retired at 60 so it is possible.
(Just as well he wasn’t relying on me to help)
In my experience, the less spare cash a CG has the better off we will be.
Thanks for your posts
Five eggs every day now. Well fed hens!! Like their mammy!

[micky]

Another payment made towards my debts 2 days ago, sounds a bit daft but it’s not wasted money it’s another step towards being debt free, not long now . Watching davis cup tennis at the moment and looking forward to the rugby tonight in between i’m picking my son up from school so a nice day so far. Fortunately or hopefully fingers crossed my treatment with the NPGC starts soon end of this month , so i will be doing that before my debts are paid off. I do have targets and timelines i want to keep 🙂

[micky]

Bit of a scare on monday , right hand side of my face drooped, spotted by two work colleagues. Went to surgery at work, then my own G.P’s surgery who sent me to A and E at my local hospital for a C.T scan and E.C.G , Blood tests, everything okay although blood pressure high. They say something happened but their not sure what . Fortunately not a stroke. Next an M.R.I Scan which i should get in the next few weeks. Although i’m sure i’m fine it’s made me think over the last couple of days if my lifestyle was to blame . 🙂

[vera]

HEED the warning signs, Micky
CGs tend to ignore/neglect/disregard them
Maybe a mild TIA?

[micky]

I will Vera 🙂

[Névtelen]

Micky, you take care!! You have had a lot of stress.. Life is getting good again. Eat healthily and Exercise and follow up with doc… Advice for us all perhaps !!!

[Névtelen]

Micky, you take care!! You have had a lot of stress.. Life is getting good again. Eat healthily and Exercise and follow up with doc… Advice for us all perhaps !!!

[vera]

5 eggs most days still Micky
My cholesterol is probably off the radar!
And
Wait for it
Hubby is getting 6 more hens to „mind” for somebody for 3 months
Maybe I can arrange a visit from Mr. Fox!

[vera]

Any appointment for your MRI yet Micky?
Hope you are well and still G free.

[micky]

I have mentioned this before there isn’t any help through your G.P. so when i was seeing my doctor last week i mentioned that it would be a good idea to have something in the surgery that points C.G’S to some sort of help, i mentioned, G.A, GAMCARE, GORDON MOODY AND the C.N.W.L- N.P.G.C. She said she would sort something out 🙂

[micky]

My patience is wearing thin now regarding the NPGC. it has been over a year since i self referred , when i finally had my initial appointment on july the 8th they said 2 months until treatment will start , i phoned up after two months and was told end of september now when iv’e e-mailed them today they have e-mailed back asking me when i referred ???????? UPDATE : They rang me about 4.30 hrs saying they couldn’t give me a date yet but i’m high up on the list 🙂

[vera]

High up on the list is progress, Micky. Just sit tight!
Glad you had your MRI scan done. Lets hope the result will be clear.
Lots of things are outside our control.
Try the odaat time method while waiting for you appointment with NPGC.
Maybe use this site more, while you are waiting

[micky]

1. it’s a dry day i’m going for a walk.

2. O.d.a.a.t. iv’e just been reminded of it .

3. patience .

[micky]

Taking Vera’s advice and am going to come on G.T. more often, been reading C.B.T. for dummies, it’s amazing how you can change your thought process to any given situation when you stop and think about it if not sure stop and write your thoughts down and then evaluate them. It gave an example of a situation where someone shouted at their partner and then 10 different responses from ten people, just showing how how differently we re-act ourselves to things. I over-reacted to something at work yesterday when i really should have thought about it first .

[Névtelen]

Yes Micky, it would be great to see you on here more often. That book sounds great I am going to get it.
A small thing I have done which kinda falls in with this but has helped me enormously is I have shaken off the label. I no longer see myself as a „cg”. I see myself as a person who could have a cut finger, or a wobbly tooth, or a fear of dogs…but instead I have a gambling disorder or a compulsion to gamble. It is such a small part of the whole me that I can easily keep it in check. It is not the overwhelming monster/ devil/ curse…, that „being a cg ” was. It is not me. It is a small problem I have which I can cope with.

I guess that kinda falls in with what your were describing.its about looking at things differently.i am definitely going to buy that book. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[micky]

So true what Sad69 says it’s only a small part of us . A great way of looking at it as a whole 🙂 , today i am watching f1 and it’s great when a brit driver is leading 🙂

[vera]

Good to see you posting here, Micky.
Yes, Gambling is only part of us.
When we choose not to allow it to become ALL of us!
That’s what happens to me, for one.
All or nothing.
The „small part” magnifies until it overwhelms me.
Take’s my „take”!

[micky]

I’m continuing reading my C.B.T book and in it, it talks about having a schedule which makes real common sense especially for me being a shift worker it also talks about doing things you used to enjoy ,have a go at doing them again if you still don’t like doing them move on to something else. Lastly my own way of dealing with everyday things is i have an exercise, daily spends and to do diary . which i can look back on and see positives of my progress to be being debt free and happier in my life once again. 🙂

[vera]

You have come a long way, Micky.
Focusing on the positive benefits of not gambling is one of the keys to recovery.
Exercise is essential-
(says I, while sitting by the blazing stove, watching the Budget Report on TV to see if I can claw back anything. I think I’ll go for a walk)
Thanks for motivating me, Micky.

[vera]

Only two payments away from being debt free, Micky!
How I envy you.
If I had used my noodle and followed the advice I was given when I came here in 2008, I too would be debt free now AND I would have a healthy bank balance and a savings account….
BUT
I did it „my way” and I’m up to my knees in debt.
I can’t gamble ever again……..
Better type that on my own thread to keep Charles off my back.

[micky]

I never thought i could do it Vera but Stepchange changed all that they put a proper budget into place and were realistic about how much i need to have left each month for bills etc, and when unexpected bills have come along or financial changes all i had to do was inform them and it was re-adjusted for that month. They are going to help me with a new budget when i’m debt free as well.

[vera]

Reading that gives me hope, Micky.
My debt free day will come.
I just need to do two things
Well, three, really.
1. Stop gambling, forever.
2. Stay focused on repayments and my Savings Plan.
3. Be patient.

[micky]

Sounds good to me Vera 3 things you know you can do like me you have never given up . Once you give up you lose everything so that is and never was an option for me 🙂

[kpat]

Your posts made me look up CBT! Thanks so much. I will be working on some concrete things I can put in place.
You are taking charge:)

[micky]

Deep breathes today as i thought about gambling, deep breathes and letting the thoughts go as i thought it through while walking back to my car after shopping .

[vera]

The first thought can’t harm you, Micky but the 2nd thought usually leads to action.
And we all know where action leads.
Keep walking Micky.
Run , if you have to….

[micky]

I only seem to feel really safe when i get home i wonder if anyone else feels that way .

[vera]

I ve been thinking about your last statement, Micky.
This week, I have been counting my blessings and looking at my home differently.
I moved the laptop from upstairs to the Living Room. I realize I have been spending too much time in isolation. I was passing from the bedroom , to the car to outside. Anywhere. Just out. „Out” for me is a danger zone. Home used to be a place I wanted to escape from. I was uneasy and restless staying home. I feel more settled this week for some reason. Maybe I was escaping from myself.
Every day so far, this week I have been content to stay home. Cook. Bake etc. The normal things.
I did have an „outing” every day but I came back within normal hours.
I hate driving home alone, broke in the early hours from the casino.
I always felt safe when I got inside my back door.
Yet, I would go again.
This time it feels different,somehow.

[micky]

Home is where the heart is Vera, got the thoughts again earlier , let them in and thought them through and all the hopeless, helpless feelings i would have ended up with and went home and done my work out and feel great 🙂

[micky]

For anyone reading this check my thread i have been to hell and back not going to bore you with the details , but i’m not sure myself how i’m only 4 and a half weeks away from being debt free from this addiction. I tried everything and suffered losing so much FAMILY BEING THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I HAVE LOST but there is hope and when i look back now i’m so glad my suicide attempts failed. And there were several not least when i had a seizure in A@E after a drugs overdose and they brought me back . Thats the bottom line of how far this addiction took me, it wasn’t a cry for help i wanted to die to get me out of the misery. So if anyone reading this feels there is no way out hang on and pick up the phone and call someone anyone and be honest about how you are feeling do not chance it to fate like i did .

[Névtelen]

Micky, thank you for this post. Well done and congratulations. I think it would be really helpful to post something like this on f and f also as they too need some positive stories to hold on to. I particularly feel sorry for the mums on there.
About the things you have lost …
I truly believe God will restore everything the thief has stolen.

I know your journey wasn’t always easy, but you have persisted and sought out new things to help.

You have achieved all this while at the same time helping so many others. Thank you Micky .

[micky]

Gig tonight and a date tomorrow , the things you can do when not wasting your money on gambling, shame i wasted so much but it’s gone and i have drawn a line under it 🙂

[vera]

It took great courage to post what you posted, Micky.
Gig?
You play music?
Date?
Who’s the lucky woman?
Any result of MRI scan?

[micky]

HI vera , went to see the ” Lambrettas ” on saturday night and had a date yesterday , Mri scan was satisfactory ( Okay ) small cyst on sinus and some lesions which are normal so i’m a happy bunny 🙂

[charles]

Hi Micky,

Well done on your gamble free time and on nearly clearing your debts.

Awareness is key with this addiction so be aware that clearing debts, whilst great, can also be a dangerous time for a complusuve gambler. More avaialble funds, one less reminder of why we had to stop in the first place.

Use that awareness, one day at a time can achieve great things.

[micky]

Awareness is key Charles, my debts will be clear next month so December will be a Key month for me .

[Névtelen]

Micky December will be such a greta month for you. How long since you have been debt free? So happy for you. Tell me your plans for your new found wealth.
…and u made it happen! YOU !!!

[micky]

Hi Sad i cannot remember the last time i was debt free, my plans are to put month money away each month in a savings account ( for my mortgage ) , book a holiday for august and carry on with the way i have been budgeting also save money up for another car when the time comes.

[micky]

A win everyday is not gambling everyday as Jessica said. 🙂 Substituting our gambling time for something else is a must i keep fit so it’s a win-win. Yes there is still the thoughts of gambling they will never go away as thoughts of anything else in your past will not either it’s how you deal with those thoughts. I carry a piece of paper in my wallet and if needs be get it out , it’s a list of all the positives in my life . 🙂 Then think about the consequences if i gamble on those positives , it’s a no-brainer 🙂

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, it sounds like that piece of paper in your wallet is worth an awful lot. I love your plans and imagine having savings and no debt…and again it’s all down to you!,

[micky]

Life is a roller coaster thats what people say
So many ups and downs along the way
So just remember on your next journey down
There’s a massive up to wipe away your frown
And as time goes by your descents will decline
Giving you the strength to climb and to climb
And when you reach that dizzy height
That’s when you know, you’ve won your fight.

[micky]

Last weekend off before i return to the fun factory on monday, exercise rest day today but i might just do a few exercises i do 4days on 1 day off. A nice chilled out week-end me thinks. 🙂

[micky]

Drank too much on sunday and gambled what money i had left for the month , back to square one again for now , will have to sell some things for money , can’t get a loan anywhere because of my bad credit . Probably a good thing so no more debt , feel like shit right now all the sick feelings are with me once again . Even e-mailed the samaritans last night 🙁

[micky]

Went on the forum earlier , i must go on them more often deffo good therapy .

[vera]

So sorry to hear that Mickey.
No words can change what happened.
Just want to let you know I can relate to how you are feeling.
It’s unbearable at times.

[Névtelen]

Micky I know how horrible it feels so please don’t think I am lecturing. I have been there too often to lecture anyone.

You have a gambling disorder.
You have worked extremely hard to manage this disorder and I feel so proud to be walking on this journey with you.

You had a few drinks. You made some poor choices. They have cost you. You haven’t done anything too crazy like injure someone. Hey forgive yourself, live on cuppa soups and get back on the wagon.

You are a great guy . You have come so far . When u feel a little better think what extra barrier you need in place for when u decide to have a drink.

I’m glad you enjoyed the groups. They have been my lifeline . The staff are brilliant even if they sometimes tell you stuff you don’t want to hear (eh Charles?) haha

Get that extra barrier in place. Pay day is approaching fast. It is just a disorder. It doesn’t define you. You have managed it for so long …this was a blip!!

Believe that you deserve to be debt free. believe that you deserve nice things like holidays …you will still have a great Christmas!!

[kpat]

Hang in there M.
I had a very close call myself. It was a sheer act of God that I did not have to post the very same thing. I hope you can see how far you have come. All those good days aren’t really subtracted by the bad.
Just pick it back up and move forward. I wish I could say something profound, something that you would read and say, Wow! That’s the key to this whole thing. I don’t know what I am going to do myself from week to week with this brain of mine. I know I don’t want to gamble. Not really, I don’t want to keep hurting myself. Neither do you. So don’t hurt yourself with negative thinking right now. Think on good things. Think on your thankful lists.
If I had posted that I had gambled, would you be very angry at me? Or would you be sad for me? Probably sad, but not very angry, treat yourself to some positive affirmations.
I will get you started:
Mickey really is a hard worker.
Mickey loves animals.
Mickey has been serious about adding exercise to his routine.
Keep your head up!

[micky]

Thanks Vera, Kpat and Sad for your kind words and uplifting comments i need them right now , things were going so well the only way is up again i have survived with less before and i will do so again, going to sell some stuff to cash4 clothes to ease the burden . Payday will come but it’s like walking through glue when it’s like this, going to put every barrier i can think of in place until then time to walk the walk again. Thanks once again 🙂

[micky]

Staying positive after my setback last week, the dust has settled and i have hoovered it up it’s gone it’s in the past. I can’t change it but i can control the future . So an update my treatment with the NPGC should start in about 2 weeks time which almost coincides with my last payment to my DMP. I would have preferred it to have started sooner but for reasons out of my control it hasn’t . I have decided to accept the things i cannot change and appreciate the things i have , life is too short to let the things i can’t control bring me down and turn to escapism in the form of alcohol and gambling. Been a positive day today , been over to see my youngest son and gave him his early christmas present , he’s chuffed and so am i. 🙂

[Névtelen]

H Micky like in my prayer(well ST Francis prayer), „it is in giving we receive”

I am glad to see you so upbeat .
Keep believing all the great things you are. Keep believing this gambling disorder is only a small part of you . Keep it small in your head so it cannot overwhelm you.

You have had another „lesson” along the way, but you continue to be in recovery . Well done , my friend… Stay strong

[micky]

It doesn’t get easier one day at a time in fact it gets harder , long days especially if your dealing with depression too when you are not yourself but put that false smile on anyway. Having said that when you look back on a day gamble free whether it was long or not it’s a great achievement in it’s self 🙂 I’m using a thought process at the minute when my mind tells me i’m down i talk to myself ( in my head of course) and tell myself „hey on november 13th my last payment to my D.M.P will be paid and i will have a very nice december so think positive micky lad” 🙂

[charles]

Hi Micky,

Well done on coming here and being honest.

What can you learn from what happened?

You drank too much and then gambled? A couple of lessons there really. We are all more vulnerable when under the influence so it’s important to plan evenings out. I remember ,when I first stopped, if I was going to the pub I would only carry the money I needed to cover my drinks. It was a simple thing but a good deterrent, if I gambled it would have an immediate consequence and mess my night up, I wouldnt be able to afford my drinks/meal etc. I left my debit cars etc at home, I didn’t carry and „just in case” money, that would ahve allowed me to gamble. If you „drank too much” and still had access to money with which to gamble at that point then you can reduce that access.

Well done on getting in touch wiith the Samaritans, there is a lot of support out there and it’s important to use it.

Keep posting.

[micky]

I thought i was in control i suppose i got cocky , carrying all you need is a valuable tool to carry in our tool kit, iv’e added it to mine .

[charles]

Hi Micky,

Just also be aware of when that Debt Management Plan is finished.

Clearing debts, positive, extra available cash also positive but also can be a trigger/temptation. Put plans in place for that extra money.

Keep posting

[micky]

Yes Charles i have been discussing this with my brother and his wife about what to do with the extra cash , they have advised me on what to do , main things are sorting out a new mortgage deal where by my mortgage is paid off before i retire , a holiday account, a car account and a savings account. Recently i have been joining in the therapy groups i wish i’d done so sooner they really are what they say on the tin.

[female g]

Can we come back from the brink?? I think so and it sounds like you have responded quickly and positively to this last set back. I too had huge slip and did the same right away. As soon as I woke up from some much needed rest. I fessed up about what I had just done. I hope this will me my last slip on my road to recovery. I hope you will rise above the insanity too. FG

[micky]

In a group session on friday we were talking about independence day and how the americans celebrate it and how other nationalities celebrate their various days . Charles came up with an idea that we can have our own being the last day we ever gambled and celebrate it’s anniversary as our Independence day .

[female g]

great idea and it will be easy to remember Halloween to mark my Anniversary date. Thanks to Charles for that suggestion. Being that I work nights its not possible for me to participate in a group session at this time but once I do quit working I will get more involved in these other options. FG

[Névtelen]

Hi Micky, yes that’s a great idea.
We also discussed how countries only teach their children about the battles they won…(not sure if you were in group for the discussion about the irish centenary next year.)….maybe this is to give them the idea they are unbeatable or in some way stronger than other countries.
It occurs to me that we could do the same . Try to focus on the battles we won. When I look back I always remember the last time I gambled…not the last time I said no….not the last time I won the battle. I have won so many more battles than i have lost…maybe it would help us to remember when we won and how strong we really are?

[Névtelen]

Great point on my thread. Micky. I guess our battle scars have made us who we are today, so maybe it is good to remember.

Holidays over, back to work tomorrow. I think I have found another trigger..yes a big win would mean never having to work again.
But we are much bigger than this gambling disorder, so I guess I won’t.

Another battle win !

[micky]

Looking Forward to Friday November the 13th and my last payment to my D.M.P. . I have been working my budget out again for when my December salary goes into my bank it is almost right but i will probably change it and tweak it before then until it’s exactly how i want it. Never thought i would get myself back into this financial position ever again. Thanks to Stepchange this has been made possible. It’s also helped that i have opened up to my Brother and my Sister in law and a good Friend over the last few months and that they have been very very supportive , it really is good to talk to the right people.

[female g]

way to go on your financial goals. Success must feel great. I’m happy to hear that you are getting support from your Brother and daughter in law. It sounds like life is really taking a turn for the good. Well done. FG

[charles]

Just my thoughts on Sad’s post.

„It occurs to me that we could do the same . Try to focus on the battles we won. When I look back I always remember the last time I gambled…not the last time I said no….not the last time I won the battle. I have won so many more battles than i have lost…maybe it would help us to remember when we won and how strong we really are?”

I’d say it’s important to use what we have learnt from all our experiences. Our victories, so we can build on them and our defeats so we that we can learn from them and avoid similar in the future. After all when we were gambling we soon blanked out our losses in our minds, only remembered the wins and thought we could win more; it dodn’t do us much good.

Well done on having plans for your increased available mnoney Micky.

[micky]

Having a lovely normal day today, we cannot have one if we are gambling whether losing or winning when were addicts.

[charles]

Agreed Micky

[micky]

Another great day , exercise, parents evening, coffee at my friends house it’s great doing normal day to day things. It feels like all the pieces are falling into place for me now .

[micky]

Normality is good and i am enjoying it , feels like a new beginning for me , never felt as calm in myself for a long time . A little bit of a problem earlier tonight but it will get sorted , thought process is working for me.

[vera]

Great news Micky
Thanks for posting to my Thread
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I can’t gamble because this time I have no Plan B to fall back on if (WHEN more likely!) I would lose everything. I can’t borrow again so I just have to spread out the little income I have to cover the cost of normal living. No more bundles of notes. No more stress!

[micky]

The gambling therapy site is and always will be a haven where we can access our journals , support groups , live helplines etc etc etc. We can post 24 hours a day our feelings whether good or bad or middling and also meet like minded people who are in recovery or helping a friend / family who are in recovery . Not forgetting the hard working staff who never judge but give invaluable advice. I have been part of it for a long time now and will be for as long as it is available which i hope is forever . It says what it is on the tin. 🙂

[micky]

Another normal day ,what a difference it makes without thinking about or participating in gambling i am getting used to this and enjoying my life once again.

[micky]

There comes a time when you realise and understand why you gamble and mine has come , escapism was my reason. And now i have escaped from escapism and put to bed the reasons why i was using gambling as an alternative to facing up to what was bothering me in my life. No it isn’t easy and i would be lying if i said it was, but accepting the things i can’t change and appreciating the things i have is something i have finally come to terms with , it’s taken a long time but finally the pennies dropped .

[micky]

Yesterday and Today a few things have gone wrong , not major things but things which in the past may have sent me on an (escapism) but i have thought them through and took a step back and put them into the context they belong. Time for headache tablets and a cup of tea . 🙂

[charles]

Well done Micky.

A good day in recovery everything goes well and we don’t gamble.

A brilliant day in recovery things go wrong and we still don’t gamble.

🙂 Well done

[micky]

It’s taken me a long time but i am on the path i want to be on and sticking to it, no weeds , potholes, booby traps, mines, nettles but best of all no bookmakers. 🙂

[micky]

There comes a time when you totally exhaust yourself of something and finally accept it will not change anything the more you worry/ stress/ get anxious etc about it. Moving on has been the best thing for me recently.

[micky]

Normality is good and getting better, not enough time in the day now to do normal things . 🙂

[micky]

Today i have used my thought barriers, i did get a passing thought about gambling but quickly imagined losing the first bet and then another and what it would lead too and it worked very well. Then later i imagined all the goals i have and what would have happened to them had i acted on that negative thought. I am proud to say everything i have put into place is working for me and that my treatment with the NPGC starts on monday , i have never felt so positive about my life and future in a very long time.

[vera]

Great post Micky!
Every action begins with a thought.
Stay focused.

[vera]

Good luck with the NPCG appointment today, Micky.

[micky]

Today this morning i had a bit of an a arguement with a work colleague probably the worst time as we were waiting to go home for our 10 rest days off. I didn’t like what he was saying and told him so and he didn’t like me saying my bit. Anyway we did speak on the way home as i was sitting in the back of the car with him. I so hate confrontation but felt as if i had to say my piece, now i’m regretting it and still feel pissed off with myself i’m usually very diplomatic. So not to let it spoil my day i have got on with my usual normal day and resisted the urge to find solace and escapism in the bookmakers which i would have done in the past. 🙂

[vera]

Why would you regret „saying your piece”, Micky?
I know it can make us feel uneasy but it’s better than bottling it up in your mind. Can you send your workmate a text to say „no hard feelings” ? It might stop you dwelling on it.
Are you off for ten days? Any plans?

[micky]

Like i said Vera i hate confrontation, anyway it’s in the past now. I have and have had better things to worry out. Coffee morning tomorrow in aid of the charity i volunteer for i’m on the door 🙂 meet and greet .

[micky]

Every non-gamble day is a happy normal one 🙂

[micky]

My treatment is going great with the N.P.G.C. it has coincided with my D.M.P last payment so i’m so pleased it’s working out . I would advise anyone who is thinking of getting treatment to do it as early as you can and get the ball rolling as these things take time to get started, self-help is a great but i think everyone needs some other kind of help and after trying everything else this is working for me. 🙂 🙂 🙂

[female g]

I created the dept and I will get rid of it eventually. Can’t wait for the day when I can claim the same feeling you must be experiencing. Good for you FG

[micky]

Not sure where the time is going now i have my life back since i stopped gambling . I’m so happy and have not felt this good for years 🙂 so much to look forward to i have to keep pinching myself to remind myself it’s really happening 🙂

[female g]

I am always amazed at the movement of days months and years too. I feel it flies by and a year is like 3-6 month period. The only thing that moves slow is repayment of the dept I created. It moved so quickly out of my wallet in the casino . It will take 2 years and hard work to pay back and it only took a few trips to the casino to create.FG

[vera]

So happy for you Micky.
What used to be an excuse to gamble in the past can be used as a reason not to gamble today!

[micky]

Just checking in folks, my treatment with the NPGC is going really well. My life is a bit like a jigsaw puzzle at the moment i have all the pieces and am fitting them altogether. I have a strange feeling though that i should have done more sooner to help myself overcome my addicton it’s like i’m now on a guilt trip. Having said that all said and done i’m a whole lot happier in my new life now, hope this makes sense 🙂

[vera]

I think it’s better to get in touch with guilt rather than deny it and pretend to be innocent , Micky.
Let’s face it most CGs ARE guilty.
I am , for one!
Don’t let it overwhelm you though.
You have made wonderful strides.
Every person who admits they have a Gambling Problem should be give a medal for bravery.
Well done on all your efforts Micky.
„Progress not Perfection” as they say!

[micky]

Thanks Vera „Progress not Perfection” is a good way of looking at my recovery, each day is progress now 🙂 .

[micky]

I am currently learning to „surf the urge „, had one today when i saw how much my salary is next week, got those thoughts in my head and feelings in my stomach but surfed them and eventually they did go 🙂

[micky]

Being gamble free is the most wonderful feeling i have had in a long time. My moneys mine, my minds fine and best of all my lifes mine.

[micky]

Had a really bad moment about an hour ago , well it still is bad but although my head was saying gamble gamble gamble escape escape escape i didn’t . So pleased i’m home safe and sound , my head is telling me to let go , my heart is saying i can’t , i hope i find a happy medium to my dilemma.

[vera]

Just hang in Micky
Don’t gamble
I did
Its SOOOO not worth it
Nearly killed me this time
Take an old fools advice
( Pity i can’t take it myself)
The regret will kill us even if we escape from other issues
In reality there is no escape
Just gotta stand our ground Micky
Gambling solves nothing
Think of the consequences…
OUCH!

[charles]

Hi Micky,

Well done on not gambling. Stay strong, one day at a time.

[micky]

Thanks Charles never before as now does one day at a time mean so much in my life now. Yesterday really was a massive boost for me even now what happened is still affecting me but i have all the tools and support via the NPGC and friends and family that i need. Although i feel guilty that i didn’t turn my life round sooner better late than never comes to mind.

[micky]

last morning shift of 2015 done today , 4 more shifts to do then off for 10 days feels good to be in a much better place in my life than last year 🙂

[micky]

Merry Christmas to all my G.T. friends 🙂

[vera]

I’m my calculation is correct , Micky your ten days off are almost over?
I hope they went well and that you are well rested and ready for another year. A Gamble Free one would be the best reward you could give yourself for all your hard work. When I think of the time and money I wasted I feel sick. I met somebody at a family wedding yesterday who had just come back from Vegas. An in law. She told me they enjoyed playing the machines for a while, but got fed up quickly.
We can never do that again Micky, but there are many other things a CG CAN do IF we don’t gamble.
Take it easy!
Happy New Year.
‘Can’t believe it’s January 4th already.

[micky]

My therapy/treatment with the N.P.G.C. has now finished , so pleased i self referred although it did take a while to start it was well worth it. I would recommend it to anyone who thinks they have a gambling problem, i have learned so much in the last 8 weeks it’s been an education in it’s self.

[vera]

Just touching base to see how you are Micky. It’s been a while.
Starting into the 2nd week in March. So far , no gambling on my part this year.
Hope you are in a good place too.
Give us an update when you get a chance!

[micky]

Hi vera i was in a relationship which broke up on 02/02/16 ironically my fathers anniversary then i had a message from her saying we would never get back together on the 24/02/16 ironically my mothers anniversary, i have relapsed during this time all the good work undone but today i have realised that although i relapsed and lost all the money i saved i have not gone into debt so time to take stock and move on 🙂

[I_Maverick]

Micky, I remember your many posts from last year when I was going mad. I remember some of the stuff you went through and how you coped and from the tone of your post I feel you will cope with this small setback. Someone told me that for some people the journey of recovery has to involve lapses, especially when gambling was a massive part of their life for a long time. Hang in there dude. I think it’s wrong to say all the good work has been undone, as the time without gambling will always be there. You just learned more, about triggers, urges and what your mind craves when faced with darkness.

Thanks for sharing.

take care.

[micky]

Hi mav thanks alot mate means alot

[vera]

So sorry to hear your relationship broke up, Micky. Seems like it wasn’t meant to be. Do you think it was a co incidence that it happened on your mam’s and dad’s anniversary? In my experience, loss and perceived rejection can be huge gambling triggers. Losing money adds to the trauma and the scary bit is, it can reinforce our feeling of failure.
Knowing that gambling won’t solve your situation is your trump card Micky. Time to return to the drawing board and raise the barriers. C ount your blessings that you are still debt free. Hang in Micky. Gambling is a „no no”for CGs!

[micky]

yes i agree Vera loss and rejection can lead to relapse our brain telling us what makes us feel better i.e. the feeling of a win, i’m going back to what was working and i,ll keep posting of my progress onwards and upwards again 🙂

[vera]

Well done, Micky. Some „losses” can be transformed into „gains”!

[micky]

Keep it simple if you want to give up gambling, one step at a time one day at a time is the only way . And start again the next day and so on , be patient and the days will turn into weeks , months into years and your goals and targets will be met. 🙂

[maverick.]

Nice post Micky and so very true, I wish you well and keep up the great effort, no mater what we do we can only ever take things one day at a time, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet here, we only have today and that is what maters.

Take care and all the very best.

Maverick

[vera]

Nice that you can decorate the living room at your ease, Micky.
Hubby papered ours in the run up to Christmas. Big task. He is no Spring chicken and the ceiling is high. All I’m good for is holding the ladder.

[micky]

I’m back on track at it’s working nicely again , everyday is a new day and new beginning KIS AND ODAAT. 🙂

[micky]

Hi folks i’m still working hard at my gamble free life and loving the freedom and benefits of which there are many to enjoy 🙂

[vera]

Happy St Patrick’s Day , Micky!

[micky]

Day 15 after my relapse and i think it’s good to keep a record of the days it gives you a sense of achievement :). The days are going in okay iv’e also gone back to sensible drinking in a controlled way although i over indulged slightly after Englands Grand Slam yesterday ( well it was 13 years since our last one ) 🙂 Hope everyones doing okay if anyone isn’t feel free to message me and i will do my best to advise and guide you 🙂

[lizbeth4]

Sounds like you are back on track! Keep going. Take care.

[p]

Congrats on your 15 days clean… wahoooo. It doesn’t matter how many times you fall down so long as you get back up!
Well done

P

[micky]

Thanks P and Lizbeth positive messages mean so much 🙂

[micky]

I had a big urge to go gambling earlier today , weighed up the pro’s and cons and decided against it a ,no brainer for me far too much to lose . Happy days . 🙂

[kin]

Dear Micky

I read your post in P’s thread and you talk about your urges today. I have posted the link below on urges from a GA website. Hope you find it useful. We care about you.

http://www.gachicago.org/urges.html

[vera]

I hope the urge to gamble has subsided, Micky?
I read the link on your thread. One line stood out. „There is a big difference is stopping because you WANT to and stopping because you HAVE to.” I struggle with this. I know, that after a big binge/loss EVERY gambler will want to stop, because we clearly see the connection between gambling and horror. After a few „clean” weeks , we begin to change our thought process all over again. At these times, the urge creeps up and we WANT to gamble. I never really started a day’s /night’s gambling against my wishes. If I don’t feel like gambling, it’s easy (for me) to abstain. If I really WANT to gamble, I will UNLESS I have no money, no opportunity and no time.
That’s where barriers come in Micky.
Stay focused!

[Janis]

hello! I am a gambler and looking for a help! Am in very bad situation, Don’t know what to do!

[lizbeth4]

Thank you for posting on my thread! I am glad that you thought it through and didn’t gamble. It just causes us misery in the end. I hope your day is going well! Take care.

[micky]

Janis when you say bad situation i can only guess at financial or any number of things this addiction causes, first of all don’t do anything stupid your life is worth living like anyone elses, if you have reached rock bottom call SAMARITANS , I DID ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS. If you have a close friend a friend you can trust please tell them what you are going through or even a family friend again one you can trust . let me know how you get on 🙂

[Janis]

Thanks for an answer!
I have spoke with my partner today and now i feel very very bad,don’t know what she will do!
Yes i have a really bad financial situation 🙁 i hate my self for that 🙁
i hate everything i did becouse of gamble!
i really wanna start new life just feel like iit’s too late to get back on normal 🙁
am so stupid

[micky]

Janis it is never too late you may have to go through hell to get to a nice place i did read my thread please i went to prison etc . never give up my friend 🙂

[micky]

Happy days are here again and why because i’m not gambling , i know it’s a cliche’ but one day at a time deffo works 🙂

[micky]

Dear journal today three things i am grateful for.

1. ME.
2. NEVER GIVING UP.
3. NEVER GIVING UP GIVING UP.

[maverick.]

Micky, always a pleasure to read your posts, like you rightly say my friend never give up, I hope this finds you well and just wanted to drop and send you my very best, take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[micky]

Today i’m on the right path and three things i am grateful for.
1. I’M CLEAR HEADED.
2. I’M FOCUSED.
3. I’M GAMBLE FREE. 🙂 🙂 🙂

[micky]

Dear Journal , three things i’m grateful for today are :
1. My brother and sister.
2. Having a job.
3. Being gamble free .

[Mosrael123]

I cannot have a bottle of beer I just get the feeling I need to drink more everytime

[micky]

Everyday can be a new beginning for anyone and everyone 🙂

So happy new day and beginning for me and you 🙂

[micky]

Dear journal three things im grateful for today are, 1. being gamble free 2. being gamble free 3. being gamble free.

[maverick.]

Micky, really glad to hear you are still gamble free, keep up the great effort we both know the road that gambling leads us too…….its the same one every time and never changes although we convince ourselves it will……….I thought to myself the other day would I sit there setting fire to £50 pound notes one after another………….what do you think my friend?……….I would have to be bloody cold to do that and be in the middle of nowhere with no other form of heat to keep me alive, having said that I believe setting fire to those £50 it would last longer than when I was gambling and thats no lie……….although just for today thats one experiment I am not going to put into practice!

Take care Micky and I wish you all the very best mate.

Maverick

[micky]

Dear journal my future is in my hands 3 things i am grateful for today. 1.me making my choices 2. me making my decisions. and 3.me being gamble free today. 🙂

[vera]

Three great „greatfuls” Micky.
The choices and decisions we make will always determine whether we gamble or not.
If we make the wrong choice, we know exactly what the consequences will be so why are we then surprised to discover that we have been „wiped out yet again”.
the outcome for a CG will always be the same.

[vera]

I’m with you for May, Micky
One day at a time.

[micky]

Dear journal my ship is 5 days into a gamble free May and the voyage is good. Three things im grateful for today are :
1. Being gamble free.
2. Targets short term and long term.
3. Being clear headed.

[lizbeth4]

Good post!

[micky]

Six days into the fray and the ship is still afloat 🙂

[micky]

Dear Journal 3 things i am grateful for today are:
1. looking forward to tomorrow.
2.Having had a good day today.
3. Being gamble and alcohol free today .:)

[micky]

„I havn’t posted for a while because iv’e been gambling again but have stopped again” . Gambling therapy is what it says on the tin and at least if you post everday or as much as you can it is a reminder of why your giving or are have given the addiction up. Personally i do like to count day so here i go again i last gambled on tuesday the 28th of june so i’m on day of my new journey/start.

[micky]

On day 5 to make sense of my last post 🙂

[maverick.]

Micky, stay strong my friend and its great to see you posting, you must remember you are here because you want to be and that is a great choice in itself as we both well know, someone once said to me „there is help for whoever wants it”………

You are a good man Micky and please never forget that…….this addiction can take everything and them some…..we both know that also!!

Keep posting and keep working at staying gamble free as always one day at a time, really great to read your post Micky and always good to see you around, keep fighting and never give in, you may have lost the recent battle but you havent lost the war!!!

Stay safe my friend and please keep posting.

Maverick

[micky]

Day 6 and been busy today cleaned mine and neighbours guttering with the help of my neighbour, fixed my garden gate ( replaced 2 hinges) and done a bit of shopping . it’s good to have short and long term targets, goals and achievements. Getting out of bed early today was an achievement for me, short term goal im treating myself to a night out on wednesday , long term one is to be mortgage free come retirerment age. I have lots of others too all can be reached when i’m gamble free ( god i hate that word GAMBLE ) . Looking forward to day 7 🙂

[lizbeth4]

Hi, I find it helpful too to have short and long term goals. Keep going in your gambling free time. Stay strong.

[micky]

Day 7 is here and im loving it again, i can smell the coffee and feel the rain 🙂 Jobs to do today are …………………….

[vera]

Thanks for your post Micky.
You were on my mind all week but I couldn’t manage to drag myself away from my new project (selling online and attic clearance) for long enough to post.
Imagine that!
I become very obsessive/compulsive/impulsive about certain things that I undertake.
Gambling was surely the most destructive one but I think CGs who are considering other projects should realize that , although the task might be healthy and necessary. there will always be the possibility of becoming over involved or hooked.
Sorry to hear you gambled Micky. Could be any of us. For me. I believe not having money, and trying to conform my stubborn will to God’s Will, helps, bearing in mind of course that God helps those who help themselves.
Good luck with the attic clearance. I went headlong into it a few months ago , then had to slow down . It became overwhelming . I tend to become consumed in new tasks.
I made a few bob selling online. (A VERY addictive project) A reward for my hard work. Its not a secret stash so I won’t use it to gamble with.
Stay in touch.

[maverick.]

Keep posting micky, great to see you doing well as always one day at a time.

Take care my friend and speak soon.

Maverick

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