Hi iamhere, glad to here that you finally recognized your gambling addiction and that you started moving forward 😀
Let me get straight to the point, I know that it can be difficult to comprehend that you threw away that much money, I myself was in the same situation (lost 15k but in my country that is a lot of money 😂). I told my parents which was the toughest thing I did in my whole life but after that started treatment with their support. After I started treatment I started looking at things differently as every day went by. I started feeling thankful that it ended on 15k as I realized that if I continued with my addiction it would probably lead to a much worse scenario. I guess my point is that you should forget about that money and feel grateful that you have a new opportunity to start your life gamble free.
The first thing that they teach us in therapy is that we have to make plans for each day, detailed plans that would stop us from having spare time as spare time is addicts worst enemy, it gives you time to think about gambling. I think that might help you a lot especially in the beginning.