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You are not alone in disappointing yourself by not being able to provide financially for your son. It is so hard when the results of gambling affect those we love. I think some of my own biggest shame revolves around my children.
I believe we can change. I believe that when we seek to change there are obstacles that seem to come out of nowhere too. Early on there was a heavy feeling of despair and my finances seemed to actually get worse. It wasn’t true, the truth was the financial crisis would have been even more severe had I not stopped when I did. With a good income coming in you will see a difference so quickly. I have a good income, my husband works too. Six months without the continuous drain (I have gambled at least three times) has made a monumental difference.
You mention prayer and that God can help you. I believe He is essential to my own recovery. Please find a way to secure your next paycheck. With our pay safe from ourselves, things can get better so quickly. I want to read more from you and want to see you put this addiction under your feet.
Make a footstool of your enemy!