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Hi,I am a gambler since 16 years and I am 33 right now. I think I ve losted 70€k in last 4 years. And I ve lost a lot of time. I have a nice job and a nice family. I told almost everything to my wife, but I Do not want to make her to anxious. Actually I really want to start a new road without gambling.
I bet yesterday evening and lost more money, hopefully it is the last time.New shoulder +0 I will be back here every day to update this number.
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works! -
Hi! Its good that you decide to take the first step to be on GF journey. At 33, nice job and good family , do not let gambling ruin it further. Please stay strong and motivated! I believe we all can do it as this GT Forum had show many others whom had stay GF.
Keep posting on updates and look forward to reading it! God bless 🙂
Sunny
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Hi Newshoulder.
Hope you did it well thru this sunday without any gambling. Keep it going, it will get better as days past.
Keep posting updates and hang in on there buddy!
Sunny
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Hi Newshoulder.
Sorry to hear about your recent relapse, but good to see you back on here to get back on track.
Have you tried attending any of the new member’s groups that take place Monday’s and Thursday’s. There you can receive some great advice for helping with your recovery including barriers you can put in place to make it much more difficult for you to place bets/gamble.
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Hi Newshoulder,
I am also sorry to hear you relapse.
Losses are hard to accept, but after all those years, how do you reason that you can win again? Is it that you bet just because of boredom? Do you have any debt that you feel is pushing you down?
I’ve had 2 relapses and one of the takeaways for me was that there is no such thing as telling relatives or those who support you “almost all of it”. We are all afraid of showing our vulnerabilities and failures, we are scared to injure them, yet it is the only way to build real trust. The damage is already done and will continue to be worse if you hide even the tiniest part of it. For me, not telling the whole story both times very quickly became the issue, as those things which I’ve hidden, I can only continue to hide if I continue to gamble.
When we are in such situations, we can’t clearly predict how others (relatives, other people supporting us) will react to/perceive our message and what will be the damage for them. Yet I believe that on a basic level there are just two scenarios – they either give you another chance or not. If they will not give it to you, it’s very sad and probably can trigger more destructive behavior from a CG (I would love to hear stories of how CGs successfully overcame such additional difficulties). In case they give you another chance – you better not lose it by dragging along any piece of dirt you were once in. You will try to continue to hide it, until the whole problem comes back and next time you may not have another chance from those who once cared about you. I would love to hear Friends and Family members of CG opinion on this.
Keep pushing gambling out of your life. Stay strong. Read some great advice on the barriers we can put to prevent relapses. You can make it if you really want it.
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Hi Newshoulder,
The new members meeting are on Monday at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00 (UK). To join, you just need to go to the Support Groups page, https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/online-support-groups-for-problem-gamblers-their-friends-and-family/ . Click on a meeting while it is running and select it to join.
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You can do it man, I’m rooting for you..
Been following this thread and hoping you get better. It’s clearly a struggle, but I agree with so many others have said here – accept loss and move on. All these relapses seem to stem from regret/angst over loss and hoping you make it back. Stop the demon in his tracks and tell him – no more. It ends.
NOW
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That’s great man! You ARE doing it…. so keep on doing what you’re doing!!
Staying away from games, friends who want you to come over to watch, let’s go to Vegas for my Bday…. these temptations need to be avoided. I don’t think you can’t be friends with them, but if they’re REAL friends, they’ll respect your decision not to put yourself in a tempting situation.
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thanks for the support. I will try..
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Great job so far! Rally happy for you and want to see this continue…
I would avoid ALL types of gambling, and resist the temptation to rationalize. Once you do that, your goose is cooked. ALL gambling is a threat to your well being, even a bet with no monetary value! The disease is looking for an opening to re-surface and hurt you.
DON’T LET IT..
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Hi Newshoulder,
Unfortunately for us compulsive gamblers will power is simply not enough.
What else are you doing? You said your wife knows most of it, can she help? I’m sure she would be more than willing!
Cutting your access to money is a good start, no money = no gambling.
Excluding your self from betting sites and venues is also a great barrier.
For a compulsive gambler, the win is never great enough, it’s the action we crave. Money is only the means.
Personally I would not ever put myself in a position to gamble. If your friends want to go to a casino…..don’t go!
We all know what happens if we poke the bear.
Stay strong, you can do this! Get your barriers up and use every bit of help available- it all adds up to a gamble free life.
Take care, K xxx -
Hi Newshoulder, My experience is that it is a GAMBLING addiction. We all had our favourite “drug of choce” whether that was sports, casinos, or whatever but if we stop one form then start another then the addiction will soon follow. Forms of gambling we may never have founds interesting in the past might become attractive.
So my advice would be avoid all forms of gambling.
Your question is “Should I find myself with friends at a casino one night in the future………”
My advice would be to not find yourself in that position. Once you have told your firiends that you have decided to stop gambling and are no longer interested in going to the casino then there are lots of other activities you can do with them.
This is where we find our who are really our “friends” and who are just “gambling associates.”
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Hi Newshoulder,
It is a journey, and none of us are perfect. There will always be temptation, there will always be stress in our lives.
I remember thinking that once I stopped gambling my life would be all roses and rainbows. LOL
Here’s the thing.
Once you stop, you become present in your own life.
You begin to think rationally. You can deal with life’s dramas, big or small in a healthy way. You can think clearly, and it will make the biggest difference in your life.
I missed so much of my kids lives, especially my daughter who’s the oldest. She was almost 18 when I found this site, and this year she will be 30 (which actually blows my brain) my first exclusion was done on her 18 th birthday.
This addiction took my home which I had to sell to pay for my debts. Even after that I still gambled the money we made on the house away. It took me a long time to let it go. It’s not easy to think of the losses.
But here’s what I gained.
My freedom, no more obsessively thinking about how I was going to gamble.
Yes, more money….but there’s still always times when I don’t quite have enough. It’s amazing what you spend when it’s not going to a venue. I hadn’t bought myself anything, clothes, homewares, etc for years. My kids actually got decent Christmas and birthday presents, not the cheap crap I’d buy when in action. Not to mention no more fear of the postman or the phone ringing ( this was a huge one for me)
But the biggest thing I gained, was being present. Enjoying my children and now my grandchildren. Hearing them, and being there for them in every way. Enjoying time with friends, not constantly feeling sick, not being worried about how I was going to get through the week or pay my bills.
Life is always going to throw us curveballs…..that’s just life.
Gambling adds to the worry, and for me, working my recovery has given me back the most important thing of all…..ME!
So keep going, remember the feelings when you lost it all. It’s easy to forget, the addiction wants us to so we go back.
I look back now at the broken woman who found this site, screaming for help.
It wasn’t easy, and I won’t pretend it was. But my god it has been worth it. I don’t know where I would be now and I dread to think. But I do remind myself that every day for me is a gamble free one. It does get easier, gambling is a destroyer of life, it sucks out our soul and spits us out. Fight back! There’s a whole life out there waiting for you!
Love K xxx -
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Sorry to hear that you had thoughts of betting yesterday, but great to see that you decided to post on here when you got that urge. I hope you managed to resist.
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Hi Newshoulder,
An exercise that helped me a lot was the following:
Take 15 minutes to write how your future would look like in 3-5 years if you stopped doing all the stupid things you know you shouldn’t be doing. What would it look like? An honest person with a loving family who knows his conscience is clear? What kind of job are you doing? What kind of friends do you need/ have? Just the possible future that is within your grasp.
Now take 15 minutes to write about what kind of hell you would end up in if you don’t succeed, and keep doing the stupid things you know you shouldn’t be doing. Do you have any friends left? Is my family still with me? Do I still have a job? A home? A car?
This exercise might hurt in the short term but in the long term will give you a goal to run towards and a monster to run away from.
Don’t think: “I already know the hell, I went through it”
Just write it down. Knowing in your mind and writing it down are very very different things.
Oh and tell your wife about your relapse.
Short term It won’t be fun, but your conscience will thank you in the long term.
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Hi Newshoulder,
Its good to hear that you are now GF for 12 days.
Do not give up and please keep posting updates.
Keep going!
Sunny
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Nice work Newshouldr on being 31 days GF. I will be following your updates, hoping to see that number go up and up.
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try to post thanks
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Hi Newshoulder,
I have been following your progress, and it is great to see you have reached the 19-day mark of staying gamble-free. Well done.
I really hope that you can keep building that number up and up. I have’t seen you mention any barriers you have put in place to help increase the chances of staying gamble-free. Is that something that you have considered, and/or put in place? For me, barriers have made a big difference.
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