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Its Saturday morning and I have already had a little victory, every week on a Saturday I receive my tax credits and every week I jump out of bed on auto pilot and blow the lot usually before 10am. I then sit at work worrying myself sick all day wondering how am I going to survive the week. How am I going to get the kids lunches? what needs paying this week that I can now not afford to pay? what excuses can I use this week? etc etc… Well not this week…

I am sat at work like every Saturday, yet this time I have made it to the bank and taken out the cash so that I have no means to spend a penny on those dreaded poisonous online slots. No sitting all day stressing or making myself sick. phew!! instead i’m able to write this and celebrate my little victory and concentrate on the day ahead.

Last night, I had an enjoyable evening with my 12 year old daughter and 5 year old nephew. I walked them to the shops to get some treats for a movie night, stopped at the park on the way back, cooked some nutritious dinner and then watched a film with them. I do not remember the last time I felt able to indulge in things that I’d like to do without feeling guilty. The kids thoroughly enjoyed themselves too so it was a win win.

I really feel that my motivation is returning and I seem to function much better when I am not around my so called partner, I know that speaks volumes, I’m just not ready to tackle it yet.

Back to last night, I set myself 2 tasks to complete and they were to tidy my bedroom (I sound like a teenager haha) it is a dumping ground for everything bought up from downstairs and also doubles as a laundry room. Secondly to sort and do the washing so that I did not need to spend my only day off on Sunday doing it. I was so pleased with myself as I achieved both and also after cooking a delicious dinner, I carried on with the motivation by cleaning the kitchen.

These might sound like everyday things but when you suffer from severe depression, these are major goals to achieve.

Today the goal I have set myself is to plow through the rest of my bankruptcy forms ready for Tuesday. To say I have been procrastinating with these is a tiny understatement so today is the day. I will check back later to update the progress or to SCREAM…… one or the other!!

Wow I really do feel better just writing things down, great therapy. Signing off for now. x