Everyone has gone to bed and i finally have the computer to myself…..time to post.
The last 3 days have been very busy for me… As i posted earlier, i went to a g.a. meeting on Friday night, the first for many, many years. I cried all the way there. I nearly turned the car around… but i didnt. I walked in the door. It was one of the hardest things i have ever done. I was proud of myself… I just told my husband that i was going, that i NEEDED to go. Things were getting out of hand and i needed to do this….for me.
He told me he was happy for me. As i stated, i nearly dropped dead. I think he realised that im serious this time. I made the decision, not after i had been caught, not after i had no choice, not for anyone else so it looked like i was doing something, i made the decision for ME. The meeting was very interesting, the concept was basically the same as last time i went. There were a few more people there, faces i didnt know. You see, last time i went to g.a. my sister was there. Its very difficult to tell a stranger your innermost demons, let alone your sister. I felt stronger when i left. I can only go once a fortnight due to work but its a commitment im making to myself.
The other thing i did was tell my best friend. I tell her everything, it took me 2 days to tell her i went to the meeting and im in recovery. She was shocked, saddened(that i didnt tell her earlier) and proud all at once. She will be a great support to me and im very lucky to have her in my life. I also told my daughter, she is 18 on Tuesday (its Sunday now) and she was proud of me. I always promised her when she was younger that if Britney Spears every toured here i would take her. Well guess what, shes keeping me to my promise…..she is doing year 12 (final year) and the concert falls in her exams in November. So I have decided that we are going to see Britney Spears in Sydney, after her exams (im near Melbourne). We are going to fly to Sydney, have the weekend there and go see Britney. That is a real goal for me. I have about a month to save for the concert tickets, the rest I can worry about later.
Im pretty excited. I have neglected this girl for most of her life. Its time i do something for her. She is an amazing person and she was forced to grow up very young (my doing). I am amazed that she turned out to be such a loving, kind, caring, funny young woman. (Not to mention drop dead gorgeous!!!) She is my only daughter and ive been missing out big time…
Im taking a big step in my recovery tomorrow. Im going to the venue i have spent half my life in and im going to self exclude. Im going to call in the morning and find out what i have to do then im going to do it. Its time to get serious people… i have to prove to myself im doing everything possible to aid my recovery. Im looking towards the future now, i have too much to live for, and i dont want to miss out anymore.
Sorry this was so long, i needed to get it out. Thank you to everyone for your support… its helping me more than you know, i thank god for this site everyday. Kathryn
Fighting the good fight…One day at a time
