- このトピックには83件の返信、7人の参加者があり、最後にsarahluna88により6ヶ月、 3週前に更新されました。
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投稿者投稿
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2 11月 2023 10:04 am #183079sarahluna88参加者
I’m gambling on slots over 15 jears now. Gambling was always a unhealthy way to run away from my fears and sad feelings. But it just buys me a little space of time, without thinkig of all the things which make me cry, when i really start to recognice them. I watch my gambling now for a while and i’m realising, that my catastrophic gambling is often the only way to get in touch with the deep down diggered feelings of myself. When all the money is gone, again and again, i often wake up in the morning and start instantly crying. But it seems to be the only moment which let me get access to these sadness in me. I realiced now after so many jears that it might also have a little positiv site in between all these bad aspects of gambling. I am learnig to watch this feelings that are coming up in me, and let them be with me. They want to be seen, thats why they are challenging me so hard so many jears in gambling- until i understand why, and until i find a way to save me from new emotional overload. I am a very sensitive person, people really like to talk to me, and i always listen, but thats one of the rasons why my system is full, in “cognitive overload”, and i need a qiet save space i can get into in every moment – the online casino.. thats so bad..
I slowly realise the tragic circle i’m in, while writing these words.. thanks for reading, Sarah:) -
2 11月 2023 10:05 am #183092Antonioモデレーター
Welcome here and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums.
Sarah, your courage in sharing your story is admirable. Recognizing the complex relationship between your emotions and gambling is a significant step towards understanding and healing. Seeking support, whether from professionals or loved ones, can help you find healthier ways to navigate those deep emotions. Remember, there is hope, and many have overcome similar challenges. Your journey towards emotional balance and well-being is worth every effort. You’re not alone in this.
Here at Gambling Therapy, we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum, you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum, so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group on Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care.
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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2 11月 2023 6:52 pm #183100sarahluna88参加者
Thanks to the admin “Antonio” for the fast response.
It’s all about learnig to Set Limits- the one thing i never have been able to do in casinos.
But that might be the general problem of an addicted person. People who set their Limits in casino, and accept them without looking for next casino when Limit full used.
these People maybe also have no problems in their daily life limiting other People and their needs, and regcognice the own needs.My aunt told me yesterday “the task is not to deal with all needs of the People arround you (and run once a week to the therapist who helps handle that stuff), it is to set boundaries which help you not feel overloaded”..
She might be right with it. Maybe this perspective is the right one for me and my personality.
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3 11月 2023 2:41 pm #183164sarahluna88参加者
Hi Kin 😊, i’m happy that i found this forum. I have installed the gamban App and got access to this Page. I’m from tirol (Austria) and here are no gambling addiction help groups. To write here seems to help me a lot. And helps me to stay on the straight way i want to stay. How do you do in your life at the moment?
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3 11月 2023 5:32 pm #183169sarahluna88参加者
One thing that frightens me at the moment, is the next payment day when i get my money. (30th every month)
Thats the time what will show if my mind will be clear and strong enough to stand the urge to gamble.
I will try to come continually to this platform and write down my sorrows and other stuff which comes through my mind. Thanks to the People who do the same and read that 😊 -
3 11月 2023 9:38 pm #183176sarahluna88参加者
Thank you. You’re absolutly right with your words. If you like, i’d be very happy if you remind me on that. To take care when the dangerous times come every month. Until the last jears i gave my boyfriend 50% of my money every month that he puts it away from me, that the damage is not so big that it would ruin me completly. But i’d like to have all my money safe in future. Yaeh, you said really true words- dont put yourself in danger. I’ll tell myself as a mantra from now on. Thank you 👍
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4 11月 2023 2:29 pm #183197sarahluna88参加者
I’ve seen that my post about “god” has been reported as “inappropriate content”.. 🤔🤔🤔
I’ve read a few posts with content about seeking god and things like that.
Can i get an answer what is so wrong about mine?- この返信は1年前にsarahluna88が編集しました。
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4 11月 2023 2:44 pm #183198sarahluna88参加者
I saved my text and put it into my own topic. Down is the copy of it.
I think addiction and seeking of spiritual sence is often next to each other. When you get away from your addiction there is often a big black hole in you, wahts needed to be filled with something else, something worthfull with meaning. For some people it might be sport, that helps a lot, but for a lot of us it might be not enough. Looking for a deeper sence in life might give the strengh to go on. For me this posting is absolutly not “inappropriate content”. Sence of life sticks together with addiction, in my picture of life. Its absolutly ok when somebody else doesnt think this way. I also found a lot of things here which i might not agree for me in my life, but i never would mind that. This should be a “journal section” where people can write down their thoughts- but with walls in my head, of what is allowed to think and write, its impossible to write again.》》》This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.《《《
One thing about god.. most time of my life i was thinking about god and why we are might be here in this world.
About one aspect i’m really sure, god is in you and always with you. To be with god doesnt mean to make no mistakes. God gives you the free will to make your mistakes and to learn from them. Thats true and real sence of love. Let someone the free decicion, to go away from you- and come back when the time is right again.
A spiritual teacher told me once this sentence “we are sprit, making a human-earth-expirience”
Thats what it’s all about. Spirit, our soul, which wants to explore all the diffrent aspects of life and reality. In this concept of thinking, there might be reincarnation- without that it might make no sence. -
5 11月 2023 10:35 am #183223sarahluna88参加者
Wiriting my thoughts seems a good method to reflect my self, and to see myself from outside, from a higher perspective. I’m in therapy for addiction now about 5 jears, i wonder why my therapist never told me, that this might help.
Another good idea i found, is “to draw two possible pictures of my future” one side with what might be the way of life without gambling, and on the other side what it would be when i go on with it like i did the last 15 jears. To remind my self on the possible future helps me to understand that it needs to take a lot of small steps to create a new life, and many single small decicions against every thought which makes me want gamble. Maybe these steps aren’t as small as they might look like. Maybe their’e the biggest steps ive made in my whole life. -
5 11月 2023 1:29 pm #183227sarahluna88参加者
Picture of two possible ways
A.)
After 15 jears gambling i’ve went on with it the whole rest of my life. I’m 68 jears old now, and i’m living in a little flat. I’m feeling devastetad. Why did I do all that to myself?
Why i wasnt been able to care for myself?
Its never to late to make a change, but i really doubt i can do this kind of change.
All this beautiful dreams of life i’ve had, theire all destroid by the destructive part of myself.Cause I’ve always lied to myself with thinking “next month I really quit gambling” after I smashed my plan from last month, quitting gambling next month.
So the months went on, got into jears and into nearly five decades of self destruction. What can i say at the end of this life?
I really know what it’s ment to be an addict. But should this knowlege be the only real topic on which i got an expert?
I wish i could go back in time and tell my jounger self that it has to stop. Still stop now. To stop now would be the greatest Jackpot of life. And prevent this terrible summary of wrong choices over a whole lifetime.B.)
I’m really proud of quitting gamble in my middle 30’s. It’s been the most life-changing chioce i’ve ever made.
In my younger jears of life i’ve learnd a lot of what it’s ment to be an addict. About freedom and discipline, and how these two things necessiate each other.All I’ve ever wanted was real true freedom. The jounger version of myself thought, freedom means you can do what you will every time you will. But that’s a big fallacy.
Without having the discipline and the right mindset to care for yourself, you’ll get in to deep trouble.
And if no one’s arround you who know’s you and has the will and time to help you out, you’ll end possibly as an addict like i did.To realice the importance of discipline in all daily life situations, gave me the empowerment to free myself, into true freedom.
I recogniced that I must be this person who helps me out of that. Freedom doesnt mean to do every unhealthy thing you like, cause it gives you instant good feelings- no, especially it doesnt mean that.
Freedom means to be a master of own life, and thankfully care that life. Love myself, dont destroy myself.
Don’t gamble with health and money, which is needed in this world to create a fine way of living.I always dreamed of a world without money, where all people help each other.
But at this time in which i’m living (if like it or not) money is needed. I can accept reality, or run against the same walls i did over jears.
Cause I never cared about having money, and did all that stupid things to throw my money out of the next window. I’m happy that my jounger self decided one moment in time, to end this. Thank you 👍 -
5 11月 2023 6:27 pm #184094sarahluna88参加者
I really wonder where kin has gone.. ?
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6 11月 2023 7:58 am #184118sarahluna88参加者
A few minutes ago i saw a girl, same like i was about 20 jears ago. She wants to leave her moms house and went out in own flat. I did that at age 16, my mom payed that flat with dads money. But that was truely the last thing i wanted at this time. It was a teenage protest wich was one of the last trys to encourage my mom to take care for me. But it didnt work. I know the first day in this flat, i was sitting on the ground so terrible crying, cause my mom let me live in this terrible house without looking on me. My drug use expolded at this time, until i took so much magic mushrooms that i got into a total psychotic state of mind. But non of that helpd me at that time, with what i truely wanted, that my parents take care of me. That never happend in the way i needed. Its hard to care for yourself when you dont learn it from your parents. I saw in this girl the same kind of feelings, she doesnt like to leave, but she sees no other way. Is there a way to prevent trauma as a child?
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6 11月 2023 11:41 am #184125sarahluna88参加者
Or might it be destiny what your childhood includes on trauma. When I see what one big trauma can do to your personality, it can change your way of living.
And the only chance you’ll have, is to process it over jears, in therapy if possible, or on your own.
But it might always take jears. And a lot of traumaticed people think, its theire own fault that they arent able to live a normal healthy life.The problem is, that they never learnd to love themselfes. Cause parents had’nt been able to care in the right way. Parents like that might be not always bad people, but they have theire own trauma, what they were struggling with. It seems to be a trauma circle over generations.
The only way to stop this circle, is to recognice that you have always been a worthful human beeing, which just came (born) into very difficult circumstances of life.
There is no guilt of a child in anyway.
What helped me here also, was the perspective change into a higher position. A spiritual perspective.
Maybe our soul comes to this world, more than one time?
And maybe in my last life i’ve already had that parents who cared in the right way (?).. and what if my soul wants to see every possible aspect of beeing human?
This perspective on life makes the harder expiriences less harder. Cause it might be just a part of a very long story back to god- the center, the beginning and end of all living.
The question of guilt is the wrong approach, i think.
Better looking for solutions, accept the past.
Cause you’ll never can change it afterwards.
Create a picture of the best version of your self, and try to become that person,
step by step. You can give your self the absolotuion to be free from all bad behavior, when you learn to love and care for yourself.
Addiction is self destruction, self destruction just happens without enough love for me and myself. It’s ok how it is, it can become good in the future- if I create it. -
6 11月 2023 3:46 pm #184134sarahluna88参加者
In german language addiction means “sucht” an addicted person is a “süchtiger”- the word “sucht” is nearly the same like “suche” but suche means to search something. Its an interesting connection between theese words.
- この返信は1年前にsarahluna88が編集しました。
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6 11月 2023 8:29 pm #184150charlesモデレーター
Hi Sarah, I’ve just been reading through your thread. Looks like a few replies have been deleted so my apologies if I repeat something that has already been said.
First I’ll try and answer your question about the “reported” post. I’m not sure where that post was but any forum user can click on “report” so I don’t know why it happened in this case or who it was that reported it. I do know, having read the copy of your text here, that there was nothing wrong with it and no action would have been taken 🙂
You are already taking positive actions and starting to address thigns. If you are frightened about what might happen on pay day then make sure you put thigns in place before payday then it just becomes….a day. 🙂 We all know that no money = no gambling, we useually found that out when we lost it! Now use that in recovery. It would still be your money of course, putting barriers and accountability in place just means we can’t gamble it easily or secretly.
Keep posting and maybe I will see you in one of the groups here as well.
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7 11月 2023 4:16 am #184165sarahluna88参加者
Thank you for your response. I’ll do that. To write here helped me really a lot. I’ll try to meet the groups in the right time Uk/Austria is one hour different i saw last thursday 🙄. I’m happy to meet you there.
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7 11月 2023 7:10 am #184168sarahluna88参加者
Very good perspective on putting away access to money is just making payday one day in month, thank you for this input 😊. Patterns of behavior over jears in life needed to be deprogrammed in my software (my brain).
Since i’m writing in this forum, my daily behavior also has changed a bit. I’m less consuming entertainment like streams on YouTube or things like that. And i’m more thinking about me and reality. I’m also feeling a little bit better and more motivated. Thanks to all of you here. -
8 11月 2023 7:04 am #184208sarahluna88参加者
I’ve tried a little experiment the a few days ago.. I left about 100€ on my bank account to test how it feels. My normal behavior in this situations has been to use it for slots in the next weak moment, or most time i’ve planned to use it. I’ll try to keep it this time, and watch myself what feelings might come and go.
- この返信は1年前にsarahluna88が編集しました。
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8 11月 2023 10:41 am #184213sarahluna88参加者
What It Is (English transaltion of “Was es ist” from Erich Fried)
It is nonsense
says reason
It is what it is
says loveIt is calamity
says calculation
It is nothing but pain
says fear
It is hopeless
says insight
It is what it is
says loveIt is ludicrous
says pride
It is foolish
says caution
It is impossible
says experience
It is what it is
says love -
9 11月 2023 6:54 am #184246sarahluna88参加者
I used the 100€ to pay a bill for my busticket. There were some few momemts where my brain had thoughts on gambling, but they were very short and less intense. But it had remind me not to gamble with health and money- so better give away paycheck in future
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9 11月 2023 10:56 am #184254sarahluna88参加者
What me really wonders, is that there are not more active gamblers using this page. There are so many addicts, who struggle over jears, without any kind of therapy. Or they struggle so hard cause there is no therapy.
Gambling isn’t seen as such an hard addiction in society. I’ve talked to many doctors over the jears, about my problem, but nearly no one of them really knew more about problem gambling.
Thats a tragic situation i think. Gambling did the greatest damage of all the addictions I’ve ever had. A lot of other people in same situations expirienced it the same way, suicide thoughts, stealing money and food- such things make feel you like you are the worst peace of shit. To accept what you’ve done,
to finance your addiction is very hard when you’ve done such bad things. I just once stole 100€ from my boyfriend’s safe, that made me felt so terrible, that I never did again. But I’ve heard from fathers who stole money from their children, thats a hard fact to live with. Stay in focus, in this one position where you are in balance of your emotions and needs, might be the way to prevent more life destruction.- この返信は1年前にsarahluna88が編集しました。
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11 11月 2023 6:17 pm #184333sarahluna88参加者
Today i watched a lecture on YouTube about addiction. There was an interesting point- the speaker said “addiction is a disease like diabetes or other chronic diseases, but the addict has the key to change his situation by decicion- others doesn’t have this possibility”
Thats a good aspect of a bad thing, maybe if I’d have an other chronic disease and I’d heard that sentence, I’d might think, why couldn’t I “just” be an addict.. -
13 11月 2023 11:17 am #184394sarahluna88参加者
Today I’ve had a very emotional conversation with a mother at my age, who has a daughter at age 13.
She had a very good relationship with her daughter until last jear, when her daughter got into a new school and there were other children bullying her a lot-
so she got into a circle of aggresion against herself, her mother and family, and began to carve her own skin on legs and arms. She also started using drugs, a friend of her nearly died of an overdose.
A lot of that stuff reminded me on my past and my friends at that time.
The mother really fights for her daughter, but the only way she sees at the moment, is to put her away into a student home with very hard boundaries and lot of control, where they get something like an “ankle bracelet”..
I told her that she should do this, just a few time. Cause she lost control over her daughter, and she must prevent that her daughter brings herself in more danger. Maybe one time in future she will be thankful that her mother choose this way to take care for her, and not let her run away into more self destruction and danger drug use.
Cause the most important thing for parents in this situations might be, to not give up. And not let their child do whatever that child would do.You’ll never know what might be the best solution, but you need to do something, to bring your child into a safe space, where damage could get reducted.
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21 11月 2023 1:35 am #184669kin参加者
Hi sarah,
Your last post was on the 13th November 2023.
Hope all is well with you.Best wishes from Kin
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26 11月 2023 9:52 am #184865sarahluna88参加者
All well so far, thank you kin.
A few things happend in my life last 2 weeks. I wrote it down a few minutes ago, and it was deleated as i wanted to post it 🤨.
I will try it again when i’m at home -
26 11月 2023 10:10 am #184866kin参加者
Hi sarahluna88,
Good to see you again.
You can write on the word document first.
After you have finished doing that, you can copy it and paste here.
This way you will not lose everything you wrote especially if it is a lengthy one before the session expires. -
26 11月 2023 11:21 am #184874sarahluna88参加者
Last 2 weeks..
One absolut strange situation was that morning 2 weeks ago, i sat down in bus to work, and there was a mother of a girl which was a classmate of my brother at 16 and he liked her very much that time. She once was at home by my brother and that day my father saw her there. A little bit time after that he started a relationship with her- that might be not the best idea, but still not so bad like the shit he did to her. My father is an ingenieur and an architect, at that time he built a brothel in germany (he always was strange)
And the mother told me, her daughter told her totally under tears, that my father convey her to this brothel at age 17 (!) And told her she can use the “good money for less work” to finance her father a good hospice cause her father had cancer that time. (Wtf)
Out of the bus i wrote my father a massage with all that in it, and asked him what happend that time.
His answer was “she was just a little slut, which did everything for cocaine..”
My reaction to this was,”do you understand the problem her mother might have? Or the thousands of problems she still have, like drug addiction, schizophrenia and so on..? Cause she was really desorianted in her youth??
Like myself (!?)
Then he said, thats the guilt of her parents- my thought was (“fuck you look at me, and your guilt”) but i didnt say that. After back and forth he said he is responsible for all that shit what the mother told. And he is sorry for that. After this i really asked me, what do i really want from this guy? Is there a chance to find a father in such a man? Today i’m still not sure about the answer..But the situation increased my critical thinking of man in general. I had a lot of problems to start relationships with man in my past, i thought i never will get it right. I was lesbian about 12 jears of my life, cause it all has to do with your parents. This situation now trigged some “manhate” in me- so that my boyfriend was really shocked why i look so bad at him.
There are a few deep problems which i havent seen jet in myself..
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26 11月 2023 11:26 am #184875sarahluna88参加者
And the other one, i’ve lost a tooth last week- it still hurts and didnt stop bleeding over two days..
But interesting thing, gambling was no thought that time jet.. -
26 11月 2023 12:07 pm #184878kin参加者
Reminder…Today is already the 26th
You posted: “One thing that frightens me at the moment, is the next payment day when i get my money. (30th every month)
Charles posted:
This is a phrase/tactic you will often hear here. No money = no gambling. We know this from when we lost it all in the past! It can now be a great barrier to help us stop gambling.
It is important to remember though that the opposite is also true – no gambling = we get money again. We get paid again, we get allowances again, we pay down some of our credit meaning we have available credit again. Which is the point of course but can become an ever decreasing circle if we gamble every time we get funds again.
So if you are new to recovery, if you are stuck in one of those circles, then take actions now, while you don’t want to gamble, then things are in place when funds return.
“I’ve lost all my money so I don’t need to be accountable” doesn’t really cut it – you will get funds/credit moving forward and things need to be in place before that happens – waiting till we have money again is often too late.
Charles posted:
I’m sure you will have read the barriers that have helped others on some of the other threads here?
Here are some suggestions though – you deposited money on……. – how about closing it and, importantly, asking them to ban you? There are also blockers you can download to stop you signing up on other gambling sites.
Accountability – who can help you with this so that you can’t gamble secretly or instantly act on an urge? When I first stopped I had all bank statements etc sent to my mum’s address and on payday my money transferred to her account. It was still my money of course, it just meant that I couldn’t gamble it.
Report your credit/debit cards lost or damaged. You will get new ones. Get someone else to open the envelope when they arrive and scratch off the 3 digit code. You then can’t register them on any online sites.
Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking now, while you don’t want to gamble and before the urges return.
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27 11月 2023 9:17 am #184925kin参加者
Hi sarahluna88,
It is so important to emphasized the benefit of setting up a good barrier to help us stay gamble free.
It stops me when I want to gamble because I do not have the free time, money and place to gamble so I cannot act out my thought and feeling. -
30 11月 2023 7:22 pm #185069sarahluna88参加者
Hi kin 😊, paymentday was no problem this month. Maybe it is, cause I need all my money for a big dentist bill in december (~3000€), what i absolutly need to pay. My money is still on my bankaccount, i’ll take it tomorrow morning in cash and give it to my boyfriend. But my mindset is much better since i’ve wrote a lot about me and myself.
When I need to do really important things, its in most cases no big deal for me to control myself. The dangerous times for me are when no big bills needed to get payed. Thank you very much for your reminding. How many jears do you have gambling problems? -
30 11月 2023 11:52 pm #185082kin参加者
You ask me, “How many years do you have gambling problems?”
I am a compulsive gambler. I was blinded to my gambling problem and did not believe that I had a gambling problem for many years. I first experience losing all my pocket money to a fruit machine when I was less than 12 years old. That was more than 40 years ago.
I only found out that I can seek help for this problem 18 years ago. I have continue to slip and relapse all these years until this day whenever I am not careful. This problem has affected my daily life and I cannot function properly like a normal person.
Recently I ask myself: What are the proof that I am in recovery? What are the evidence that I am in recovery? Is it all worth it?
I have kept an excel spreadsheet of all the amendment that I have made in recovery. These are proof and evidence that recovery is helping me to do thing that I cannot do previously for me and my love ones. It has given me hope and keeps me going. My life will be unimaginable and a lot worst if I did not seek help. I am very sure this recovery thing has saved my life.
When you are active gambling, you have to deal with the problem that gambling give you, but after you have stop gambling, you still have to deal with all the living problem that can lead you to gambling. I take it one day at a time.
I try to stay gamble free one day at a time. It has help me stay gamble free in November 2023.
This is my shameful and embarrassing but honest answer to your question.
- この返信は11ヶ月、 2週前にkinが編集しました。
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1 12月 2023 10:15 am #185103sarahluna88参加者
Thank you for telling me your story. Helping other people with your own story is very powerful. I’m happy that you are here in this forum, and interact with everyone. Your posts reminded me to come and write again cause I get the info per mail 😊
Who know’s whats the plan behind all these hard lifestorys. But this question isnt needed to be answerd, just stay on focus 👍 -
9 12月 2023 5:14 pm #185446sarahluna88参加者
Short self-report-
everything is alright so far.
I had a few short moments of gambling-thoughts but these had been “unconcios impulses” which I recogniced in the same second they came, and my inner self said “no way”. And they left as fast as they came. I know that this might be just a better period of time, and this wont be the usual process in this case in future, cause we all knew that there are times with more energylevel in life, and times with less. But for the moment I’m very happy with this way of beeing. And I’ll watch myself with hawk eyes if my behavior become diffrent. After so many jears I know the patterns when a change is coming. I can see it a few days before, when I avoid healthy food, or go outside in nature and watching more entertainment and less music. Then the dangerous times might start.. -
19 12月 2023 12:10 pm #185843sarahluna88参加者
Two days ago a friend of mine told me, she went into a casino to play slots. She has the potencial to get addicted if she doesnt think about her actual behavior. I tried really hard to show her the dark sides of the shiny casino feeling, with all the funnny noises and colors of the slotmachines. I told her, that everytime when she sits in front of such a slot, her brain gets more connected, and the thoughts will come to remind her to go there again. The worst thing what could happen to her in this situation, is a big win.
I really hope, i told her clear enough, not to go there anymore.
People in her situation dont understand how easy it is to become an addict. They think that they are in full control of their behavior. You are in control, when your thoughts are still your thoughts- not “uncontrollable” thoughts which come over you and you are a victim of your own addiction.
She told me yesterday, that she watched herself the whole day, and that there was an inner need to go there again, just to gamble 10€ and get the free drink and meal..
She didnt do it yesterday, but what the future will bring, we dont know. -
20 12月 2023 1:13 am #185870kin参加者
Hi sarah,
Thank you for sharing your recovery with us.
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21 12月 2023 9:12 pm #185953sarahluna88参加者
Thank you for reading. To talk with you here helped me so much (!) I never thought that this alone could have such a big impact for me. Really.
I’d like to start a help group in real life here in Tirol. That might be a project for me what helps myself to stay in the right position everyday in future. To take care for others reminds you on your own tragic past. Merry christmas to all of you -
25 12月 2023 12:27 am #186097kin参加者
Hi sarahluna,
Connecting with the active people in here certainly helps a lot. The support and encouragement we receive from them was a constant reminder not to press the self-destruction button.
We are all work in progress and under construction.
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28 12月 2023 12:36 pm #186218sarahluna88参加者
I’ve looked in my bank account when the last casino payment happend- it was the 2.11.23
about two months ago now. This is the longest episode of time in the last 5 jears. I’m happy that i’ve got to this point in my life, where i feel that i’ve got some kind of control over my behavior. I think its connected to my stress level. In the past that level was always high, and i had many problems in every part of life. Today there are no things in my life which i dont like in my life. I worked hard to get to this point. -
28 12月 2023 12:39 pm #186220sarahluna88参加者
I’ve looked in my bank account when the last casino payment happend- it was the 2.11.23
about two months ago now. This is the longest episode of time in the last 5 jears. I’m happy that i’ve got to this point in my life, where i feel that i’ve got some kind of control over my behavior. I think its connected to my stress level. In the past that level was always high, and i had many problems in every part of life. Today there are no things in my life which i dont like in my life. I worked hard to get to this point.My first topic in this forum was also started on 2.11.23
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28 12月 2023 12:41 pm #186221sarahluna88参加者
Sorry for double posting- i just wanted to edit something 🙄
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29 12月 2023 1:13 am #186241kin参加者
Hi sarah,
Thank you for the update.
Your payday is only a few days away.
What are your plan to protect yourself from gambling? -
29 12月 2023 7:45 am #186248sarahluna88参加者
Thank you kin. Payday was yesterday. At the moment a lot of things are changing in my life. My mom left Austria and went to Hungary- since that time i have a better relationship to her. In a few months i will leave my grandparents where I live with at the moment. This fakt make feel my life really much easier. And i know that in near future its just me in my life, no one else i need to think or look for. That situation made is easy for me to stop gambling, cause its the first time in my whole life that i’m alone. I’ll start a YouTube chanel with reaction content, when i’m in the new flat. This idea helps me to leave the money where i need it. And the dentist to. My money is on bank account now, but to save it for sure, I’ll go there today and bring it to my boyfriend. Thank you
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31 12月 2023 7:13 pm #186331sarahluna88参加者
Dear kin, today was the first day i thought about casino. I dont know why exactly. Maybe cause I did it every jear until know. Writing it down will help me stay strong, and not destroy my plans for future. It is a lot easier to write here than to call someone and tell him about it. In the past, i wasnt able to turn when such a feeling came up. I didnt like to talk about it. I just liked to gamble, instantly. I’m glad that i found this forum- especially for moments like this. Thanks, Sarah
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1 1月 2024 12:27 am #186338kin参加者
Hi sarah,
I am glad you have found the joy of writing therapy or journaling, you can really feel the therapeutic benefits.
Have you consider getting help from an addiction counsellor or attend the Gambler Anonymous meeting.
May you be wise enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it. Have a blessed year 2024!
- この返信は10ヶ月、 1週前にkinが編集しました。
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2 1月 2024 7:14 am #186373sarahluna88参加者
Thank you, and happy New jear 2024 😊 the thoughts two days ago went away after I told you. Luck this time. I’ll look for the groups.
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4 1月 2024 8:02 am #186478sarahluna88参加者
Today I had a very good expirience in the supermarket.. my grandmother gave me 100€ to go and buy some stuff for her. I went into the store and lost the money on the floor.. I didnt recogniced that I lost it, and went through the store. When I wanted to pay i realiced that I’ve lost the money.. I ran through the shop super stressed looked on the floor everywhere but there where so many people and i thought there is no chance to find it. In this moment a man came to me with the money in his hand and gave it to me (!!)
One day in past i decided not to take any things which are not mine ore steal anything again. Since this moment I always got everything back I’ve lost myself.. it proofs for me that some kind of karma is real
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7 1月 2024 8:14 pm #186621sarahluna88参加者
Today I’ve bought the new IPhone, for 1400.-
I thought about hours if i should do this. I pay in parts, over 10 months. In my gambling times I’ve burnt 1000’s of euros over jears, often in one day. Its the first time in my life where I buy such an expensive phone like this. My mind is changing in a better direction i think.. -
8 1月 2024 12:44 am #186626kin参加者
Hi sarah,
I am happy for you, I hope this new phone can bring you lots of fun and laughter.I bought a small apartment, it is currently under construction and will be ready end of this year. I just bought a new phone too. This is the benefit of staying gamble free one day at a time.
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15 1月 2024 2:45 am #186935kin参加者
Hi sarah,
Hope all is well with you.
Thank you for your last post.It reminded me to be thankful.
I would not be able to do many things if I had continue gambling.
I do not have much now but it is enough. -
19 1月 2024 6:35 am #187086jasmineisme参加者
Damn, reading your message hit me right in the feels. It’s like you’re stuck in this messed-up loop, trying to escape the heavy stuff by diving headfirst into those slot machines. But hey, at least you’re starting to see a flicker of light in the chaos, right? Learning to deal with those deep-down feelings is no joke.
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19 1月 2024 12:48 pm #187118sarahluna88参加者
Hi Jasmine 😊, I‘m happy to read your comment..
since I started writing in this forum, a lot has changed in my life. The past years I’ve always had „gambling attacks“ which came over me spontaneously when I was in an „emotional overload“.
All my good thoughts and plans were destroyed in a few seconds when I went to a casino page for „just playing a few euros“.. when I started playin, I played till the last cent was gone.
In this state of mind I forgot all important things in my life, priorities changed immediately.
To write all my thoughts and my stories, helped me to understand and to recognize what’s going on. I always knew that it was nonsense to gamble all my money away, but I didn’t realized it that way as I did when I read all my postings and looked at them from a „higher position“ like an other person would look on it.
Often I gambled just once a month, but that was enough to destroy all- cause payday was also just once a month 😒..How do you came to this forum? Are you a new member? Tell me about your experiences with gambling if you like 😊
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19 1月 2024 12:58 pm #187119sarahluna88参加者
Yesterday I had an appointment at a psychiatrist because of my addiction problems. He said „gambling addiction isn’t a reason for not being able to do normal work and living..“
In the first moment I didn’t know what to say to him, but then I told him, gambling addiction was the first reason I thought about ending my life (!!!)
When you crush your plans again and again, gamble all money away- every month, it will bring you to depression, it lets you steal in supermarkets for food, you won’t be able to pay your bills and you will loose your flat if it comes really bad. The whole day after that appointment, my emotions were down in the basement. It had took all my energy away, after I talked to this guy. But after some sleep, it is better today ..- この返信は9ヶ月、 3週前にsarahluna88が編集しました。
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20 1月 2024 3:23 am #187156kin参加者
Hi sarah,
Thank you for your sharing.
You did well in seeking and accepting help.
Keep posting!
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20 1月 2024 8:25 am #187167sarahluna88参加者
Thank you, I’ll do 😊.
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1 2月 2024 11:52 am #187746kin参加者
A famous man’s final essay:
“I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes my life is an epitome of success.
However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and
wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.
Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – “Life”.
When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – “Book of Healthy Life.”
Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.
Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends…
Treat yourself well. Cherish others.As we grow older, and hence wiser, we slowly realize that —
• wearing a $300 or $30 watch – they both tell the same time…
• Whether we carry a $300 or $30 wallet/handbag – the amount of money inside is the same;
• Whether we drive a $150,000 car or a $30,000 car, the road and distance is the same, and we get to the same destination.
• Whether we drink a bottle of $300 or $10 wine – the hangover is the same;
• Whether the house we live in is 300 or 3000 sq ft – loneliness is the same.You will realize, your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world.
Whether you fly first or economy class, if the plane goes down – you go down with it…
Therefore.. I hope you realize, when you have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, who you chat with, laugh with, talk with, have sing songs with, talk about north-south-east-west or heaven and earth, …. That is true happiness!!
Five Undeniable Facts of Life :
1. Don’t educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be Happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things not the price.
2. Best awarded words in London … “Eat your food as your medicines. Otherwise you have to eat medicines as your food.”
3. The One who loves you will never leave you for another because even if there are 100 reasons to give up he or she will find one reason to hold on.
4. There is a big difference between a human being and being human. Only a few really understand it.
5. You are loved when you are born. You will be loved when you die. In between, You have to manage!NOTE: If you just want to Walk Fast, Walk Alone! But if you want to Walk Far, Walk Together!
Six Best Doctors in the World
1. Sunlight
2. Rest
3. Exercise
4. Diet
5. Self Confidence and
6. FriendsMaintain them in all stages of Life and enjoy a healthy life.
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6 2月 2024 12:20 pm #187974sarahluna88参加者
Thank you Kin for your strength to remind me everyday on my goals and plans. Today I decided to do the education for the drivers license, I never did it before- just one time I tried it but didn’t finish. I found a possible job where I should assist people with handicaps in there daily life. A car is needed in most cases. Tomorrow morning I will go to the driving school and pay, the start is next week.
Since the decision was made, to take care of my own- and no other anymore- there are so many things I like to do now. I have the power and also the money for these extra things. In September I will start an education over three years (if education is the right word I’m not sure 😊) in the evening and during the day I’d like to do the personal assistant work.
I’m so glad that I found this forum, with all the topics and helpful people. You helped me to do the biggest step forward, in gambling addiction case. Gambling destroys all the life plans, just in one day when you gamble all your money away that you have saved months before..
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6 2月 2024 12:38 pm #187975sarahluna88参加者
I knew over so many years that when you want to help others, you first need to help yourself. But to really understand the meaning behind this statement, took me so long. But it might be the needed process, to understand who am I really are and what matters to me. All the struggles I had, all battles against me and society. Just to end up there, where it always was told to me.
The inner conflicts and beliefs in my mind didn’t allow me to go the best way for myself. Cause I didn’t know where myself began and end.
It was a really hard journey to get there. Know I’m here and happy to go forward 😊 -
6 2月 2024 12:40 pm #187976
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7 2月 2024 11:16 am #188031sarahluna88参加者
Driver-school starts at 12.2.24 🤓
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9 2月 2024 2:19 pm #188113sarahluna88参加者
Today I had a very impressive experience..
I was done with the therapist appointment and stood outside on the street in front of building, a woman was playing on a keyboard on the street, a very emotional song.
I recognized that the Restaurant where I was working when my gambling addiction started, is just a few feet away from my therapist. There was my first contact with a slotmachine. My chef at that time placed the machine in the bar area, and I watched a few times people loosing their money and sometimes they won some money. Till the day I tried it to. I had 15€ left for the month and I thought- I will try it. I won 500€ with just 25cent per bet. It was the maximum you could get for 25cent.
I jumped through the restaurant cause of the big win. The next day I went to an other casino, played with 30€ an won again 800€. That was the beginning of an very dramatic period in my life.
Today standing outside and remembering that location and all these years till now, was very impressive. It felt like a circle has completed..- この返信は9ヶ月前にsarahluna88が編集しました。
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9 2月 2024 4:27 pm #188118
Congrats on your 100 gamble free days! Keep it up. Here’s to many more!!
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9 2月 2024 4:35 pm #188119sarahluna88参加者
Thank you for counting the days for me 😊 that makes me very happy. You have a big part in my recovery story, just because you are always present and a very good reminder.
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10 2月 2024 12:47 am #188137kin参加者
Hi sarah,
Congratulation on achieving more than 100 gamble free days!
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23 2月 2024 8:58 am #188985sarahluna88参加者
Thank you kin, for counting my days. Three days ago Ive had an appointment at a psychiatrist. This time it was a woman. She listened very carefully to my story and my behavior I told her- how hard it is for to deal with bigger stress and how I have to handle my energy to not feel overloaded in my head. Next thing I told her, when I’m in very stressful situations I can’t sleep over days. That was often a reason for gambling, or using drugs.
After that hour talking to her, she thought about what might help me in case of medication. She gave me something, what’s regularly used for old patients- cause it’s very soft. After two days no sleep again, I took one pill (buronil 25mg if someone likes to check it).
And I slept well, and also was able to get out of bed. The whole day was pretty good, and I recognized that I feel so „normal“ in my head now (!). The days after were also very good, cause I was more able to decide what’s the best to do and when, without doing nonsense in between, to go to bed at the right time and not feel to do more nonsense before going to bed. I was much more organized over the day, and it didn’t matter to me to think about all impressions ive had over the day.Maybe I needed much earlier something like this.
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24 2月 2024 12:10 pm #189025maverick.参加者
Hi Sarah, well done on your gamble free time, keep up the great effort, enjoying life as we should without this addiction, take care and have a great day.
Maverick
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24 2月 2024 12:53 pm #189026sarahluna88参加者
Thank you maverick 😊. Nothing was so good as stopping gambling. I didn’t realize earlier that the problem was that big. Since I’m totally gambling free my life gets better in all aspects and directions. Have a great day 😊
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1 3月 2024 10:16 pm #189311sarahluna88参加者
Today I had three moments of thinking about starting gambling. It was a very stressful day, I’m leaving my flat these days and it’s a lot of work to do.
I recognized the urge to look at my bank account and how much money I’ve got on it- with the thought of gambling a little bit- but I noticed it immediately and reminded me of the things that are important for me and my future- like the expensive education over three years that I’m going to start in march.
I used the situation to get the bank details from the campus to pay the first bill, so the picture got clearer.I saw that I’m getting far more control over my life. Earlier in time it had been impossible to turn around when an impulse like this had come to my mind..
when the thought was there- the gambling had to take place without any chance and an inner motivation of not going gamble. It was like a program that was started and couldn’t be stopped until it was done. (All money must be burned-the circle has fulfilled- self destruction completed)
I thank god and my ability to resist the urge and patterns of trained behavior. And that I had been able to install a „firewall“ in my head against that program.
I’m able to watch myself from a higher position, from where I can see my visions for the future and the needed steps to get there. Loosing money isn’t one of these steps.
Since I’ve stopped gambling I want to create financial stability. I want to live a good life the rest of my lifetime here on this earth.
Thanks to this journal that helps me to get this feelings into words and so out of my head. Focus is coming back, without loosing it totally.
- この返信は8ヶ月、 1週前にsarahluna88が編集しました。
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1 3月 2024 11:31 pm #189314sarahluna88参加者
When I think back on the many times I’ve run through this program of total gambling escalation. The moment of upcoming impulse to play slot – I immediately plan to find a opportunity to be alone for the next couple hours or days in most cases.
I look for a new casino where I’m not blocked already, at the end it was often hard to find one, cause I self-excluded me every time when I lost all my money at one casino. But when there is a will there is a way. Registration and documents are already on my phone to send, and the pattern can begin.
I start with the same five slots and try one after another, about 30€, in circles. Sometimes I win directly by the first slot, adrenaline rush through my system and all my attention is focused on the slot- play in speedmode always.
More win means more play time- not more money. Money is just play-money not real money anymore. It’s just a way to possibly get more adrenaline and dopamine in to my system.
That’s the same like a drug flowing through your veins, it’s crazy. All other things and people aren’t important anymore- just the gambling drug is all I need in this state of mind.
This goes on for days and sometimes weeks if „luck“ is bigger. At the end of the circle I’m getting more and more depressed cause I know I’m going to loose all I have, but I’m not able to stop myself.Often when the last transaction was made, my energy level was already down in the basement, aggression and stress was high. I’m so tired and sad that I did it again.
Oh dear god, I am so happy that this didn’t happen to me today and this is just a text, that shows me how much I have won today 🥹
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2 3月 2024 12:07 am #189316sarahluna88参加者
That’s how therapy works- self reflection. But the therapy hasn’t started here, it was a long process of getting to the point where self reflection is possible to do.
The long time before that, it was just watching myself while I’m running through these patterns again and again. It often felt like an impossible mission to get out of this addiction.
Until the point where I thought, if I couldn’t change my behavior I’ll end my life sooner or later.
But maybe that’s where you have to get- so that you have nothing to loose anymore- just to win your life back. That’s all you need.I didn’t realize the worth of the „simple“.
I always thought „simple“ is not enough. Getting over this fallacy is my biggest win I might have until the end of this life. I’m happy to have it now.All pressure is written off me, work is done. Thanks for reading 😊
- この返信は8ヶ月、 1週前にsarahluna88が編集しました。
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2 3月 2024 8:04 pm #189344sarahluna88参加者
To resist this pressure in one moment or part of time, saves so many other parts of your life.
Loose money means that you loose chances and possibilities for a good life. You need money for so many things and activities, which give you quality in your life.
Gambling is the most expensive addiction to have. No drug addiction will cost you so much money. Drugs and gambling are full with dark energy- cause lifes get destroyed and you want to win what someone else has to loose. You want to profit from other people’s damage. That’s very dark. Always when I went to a casino to a slot machine, my hope was, that the guy who was sitting there before had lost all his money at this machine, and when I go there maybe that money comes back to me.
Egoism at it’s purest form. Often I really hated other people when they won the money I lost before.
Sometimes I had bad thoughts about robbing them when they go out. That’s such a weird feeling to have when you’re not a person who sees brutal behavior as an option in your normal behavior.
but gambling brings you down to that point, to the darkest place in yourself. Maybe it’s an opportunity to realize that everyone can think or even do dark things when the situation is right (wrong?).
Facing the own shadows is needed, that you don’t think that you are a better human than others. Maybe everyone could be a murderer if the situation includes all needed aspects. -
3 3月 2024 12:18 am #189350kin参加者
hi sarah,
Thank you for your sharing.
One of my biggest character defect was having an unhealthy ego.
– blind me to my faults and responsibilities
– making me resistant to change and new ideas / becoming stuck in my own ways.
– created many problems -
3 3月 2024 8:48 pm #189382sarahluna88参加者
I thought about you and your topics, the description of my behavior reminded me of you and yours during the writing. You are a great teacher in recovery process, just because you know so much about it.
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3 3月 2024 8:58 pm #189383sarahluna88参加者
Dear Kin, do you know about the „Ex-In“ education?
I heard from that a few months ago, it is for people who had psychological disorders, addiction is one of them- the education is about a year long and you can work in mental health clinics or other help institutions as a kind of social worker called „recovery companion“. In UK this is a popular education I’ve heard, in Germany and Switzerland and Sweden also. It’s relatively new, this program exists about 15 years now. Could you imagine to do something like that? I believe you might be a good candidate for something like that 😊 -
7 3月 2024 8:10 am #189527kin参加者
Hi sarah,
Thank you for your good words.
If I can remain healthy and retired in 7 years time, I would like to give back in places where I receives help.In the meanwhile, I am still work in progress and under construction.
I still need to stay focus on staying gamble free today.May God ‘s will be done, not mine.
I need to live life on life’s term, not my term.I am just glad that my post is helping you as much as it is helping me.
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17 3月 2024 2:50 am #189949kin参加者
Hi sarah,
How was your week?
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17 3月 2024 6:20 am #189953sarahluna88参加者
Great thank you, I have so many things to do at the moment. Ive started the education- it’s absolutely perfect. Hope you also have a good time 😊👍
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17 3月 2024 11:25 am #189962kin参加者
Thank you for your honesty. You deserve success in your education and newfound career.
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17 3月 2024 11:29 am #189964sarahluna88参加者
Dear Kin, I‘m glad to have you in my back as an companion during my journey through recovery 😊
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28 3月 2024 12:52 am #190390kin参加者
Autobiography of an addict in 5 short chapters
Chapter 1
I walk down the street, there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in, I am lost, I am hopeless.
It takes forever to find a way out.Chapter 2
I walk down the same street, there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I dun see it, I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But I believe it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.Chapter 3
I walk down the same street, there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I can see it is there, I still fall in, it is a habit.
I know where I am. It is my fault.
I get out immediately.Chapter 4
I walk down the same street, there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
…THE END…
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28 3月 2024 6:07 am #190403sarahluna88参加者
Thank you 😊
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9 4月 2024 4:50 pm #190993sarahluna88参加者
My life has changed so drastically, and it has got so powerful in every aspect. To stop gambling was the best decision I’ve ever made. Just to come back here and say that everything is fine. Great thanks to everyone in this journal
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19 4月 2024 1:15 pm #191517kin参加者
Hi sarah,
What has been keeping you busy?
I really look forward to reading your life without gambling.
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19 4月 2024 3:51 pm #191523sarahluna88参加者
Dear Kin 😁 I’m so busy with all possible kinds of things (not gambling). Every day is full with social activities, learning, and other beautiful things. It feels like my life has just really started and the first time I’m really living.
How do you do?
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