Hello Depress and welcome to the Forum. I expect you will already have read many stories similar to your own in the other threads we have here. You will also have read some success stories; what are they doing that you could apply to your own situation?
I see you haven’t had much response so far but the site has been a little quiet over Christmas. You will no doubt hear from other forum users here over the coming days. You might also want to copy and paste this, or say a little about yourself, in the My Journal Forum. It’s a busy forum and a good place to tell your story and see your recovery progress.
This is a tough addiction but you no longer have to tackle it on your own. There is a lot of support available for you both here and at other sites or places like Gamblers Anonymous. It’s important to use that support; if we could do it on our own then neither of us would be here.
You mention suicidal thoughts so here is alink for you to look at as well
You wil find support there as well.
As well as the forums we have live groups and a one to one help line. Hopefully I will see in one of the groups soon. I myself aam a Compulsive gambler and I can promise you that there is a lot of life after we stop gambling.
Keep posting.