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Hi Kathryn, Salina here.
I just wanted to respond to your post about my name.  Im sorry its taken me so long.. Anyhow, I somehow got something out of your story about your little girls doll. I think I felt that maybe I am or was beautiful at one time. Before I became so ugly with this disease.    I am glad that when you see my name it gives you a memory that sounds like is a happy memory..
I want to be someone other than who I am.  I do not like who this new person is.,I want to be beautiful again and happy..  I cant make it one weekend without going.. All my wants and desires go out the windown when i am driven to gamble.  My husband was talkin 90 miles an hour before he left for work tonight. I was sharing with him that one of my sons has chosen his major to be in the medical field. He is in the army and got a green to gold scholarship for a very outstanding university here in calif. So he will not have to be deployed for awhile and his has chosen to try to become a doctor!!  can you believe that?? I am so so excited   any how  I was telling my husband and he says ooh there is a great dr on tv. Dr deary or something like that… and this doctor says if you want to do something or be something in your life you need to vision it.. You need to see yourself doing it and you will do it..  Well all I could think about at the time was gamble free..  It is so true. if we picture in our minds that we have a differnt life I think it will come true
I am so hoping t hat I can vision myself happy, not gamblin, and living a productive life without stress and worry. 
Anyhow I am ramblin  as soon as I can get out of "ME" for a minute I will ask how you and others are doing.  For now, I cant think about anything except my disgusting self… eventually you all will see that I really care about others and hope I dont come across as being all about me.   Thats another thing, I was never like this before. I would never talk just about me. I only cared about everyone else. This is NOT ME!  Help I am locked inside this disease!!this to shall pass