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    • #27791
      Clarity
      키 마스터

      I know that there will be a lot of people who are in despair this Christmas due to gambling, and I dont think it appropriate to wish you all a Merry Christmas.

      I do know, however, that NOBODY NEEDS TO GAMBLE.

      Many here know my story, for those who dont and are struggling, and consider themselves lost to this addiction. Please believe me when I say you can change. I have let gambling take me to some dire abysmal places, physically and emotionally, I have spent more than one Christmas behind bars many more estranged from my family.

      Things can and do get better.

      All the things you hear and read on this forum and other support forums do have substance, it is only one day at a time, you do need to accept your situation. You may well need help with your money. You cant do it alone, and you must talk to people.

      I personally have had a stressful December, funnily enough Christmas (or gambling) aren’t the reasons things were stressful.

      I am fortunate enough to have come to my senses and havn’t gambled for quite a while now. I have been able to buy nice gifts and do nice things for people, a few years ago I wouldn’t have thought it possible.

      Whatever situation you are in this Christmas time please be aware that life can be good if you let it.

      All the best everyone.

      Geordie.

    • #27792
      jansdad
      참가자

      Nice post Geordie 🙂

      Thanks!

    • #27793
      익명
      손님

      Another year over, I have never been able to say on a new years eve “that’s a year without gambling over,” maybe this time next year. That’s not a target or a goal it would just be nice to say it.

      Dont know why I started gambling, dont know why I came back to GT when I did, I just know that for the first few weeks money was very tight but slowly but surely things got better and now for the first time ever I am going into the new year with a healthy bank balance. (which I havnt got easy access to).

      Life has certainly become a lot more interesting since I stopped gambling. It is a difficult thing at times, thankfully in 3 or 4 months I’ve had the urge to gamble once, no one knows for sure what would have happened if I went but history dictates I’d probably still be gambling now or in a heap of shite!! So I’m obviously over the moon I didn’t go.

      I’m off work today but have a very busy day, not going out tonight but want to clear my room out and clean the carpets, been at it since 05.30. LOL if you’re just off the back of a gambling spree that dosnt sound such an attractive proposition “Stop gambling, spend your New Year cleaning carpets, roll up roll up!!” But the satisfaction when its all done offers a greater reward than standing in a bookies or casino.

      Whatever position I’m in this time next year I hope I can have the same conviction in my words when I say that just for today I will not gamble.

      I know only too well what it feels like going into a new year burdened down by the chaos gambling has caused, and “Happy New Year” isn’t really what you want to hear. I may well have returned the greeting in years gone by but I would have been thinking “What do you care? Fat chance anyway, now F*** off”

      I just know the new year will be happier without gambling, you wouldn’t be on this forum if gambling brought you happiness…Not gambling most certainly can.

      All the best.

      Geordie.

    • #27794
      p
      참가자

      Hey thanks for your post to me.. it was very encouraging to me. I enjoyed chatting again, hopefully we will catch up in more groups. I always get what you are saying. Hope you have a good night and see you soon

      P

    • #27795
      p
      참가자

      How you going today Geordie? hope you are having a good day gamble free day today

      P

    • #27796
      익명
      손님

      I am thanks P but way past my bed time! Speak soon

    • #27797
      익명
      손님

      After reading that a lot of people on this forum have found this book helpful I downloaded it last week. I havn’t read it all yet but it is interesting and gives what appears to be a whole new approach to giving up gambling for good

      I agree with what it says; that it isn’t hard to give up gambling but only if we can rid ourselves of the desire to, (And have said so many times on this forum over the years). I know from personal experience the freedom that can be enjoyed living a life without gambling, not just at the present time but during previous periods of recovery. Not through abstinence though that is a lot harder to live through, I do admire anyone who manages to abstain from gambling for a day or even a year, but to constantly and frequently battle with urges isn’t really recovery in my opinion.

      What has been my downfall in the past without any doubts has been complacency, maybe not continuing with the ongoing support as much, or not being so open with my thoughts.

      Today I’m as committed as I’ve ever been but I know only too well how quickly things can change, if I got complacent again.

      There’s only two things certain in life; we are born and we’ll die. What happens in between is down to each individual, some believe is down to God or some higher power.

      But whatever it is that controls our destiny I do know one thing and that is that Nobody needs to gamble. The bottom line is, in my opinion, people whether CG or not, gamble because they want to, we might convince ourselves that we dont want to and just end up doing it, but personally I think that we just tell ourselves this crap to excuse it.

      I also think if any of us were any good at it why do we “need” to take ever increasing wads of money. Surely if we were good gamblers £1 or one dollar would be enough.

      I’m pleased that I am getting on fine without the desire to gamble, and wish those of you who do still want to and battle urges could rid yourself of the desire.

      I’m quite sure I don’t get urges now because I talk to people, actual conversations, and I don’t bottle anything up. I know this dosnt work for every one and that some find it too difficult. (It is at first but not as difficult as admitting you’ve spent the rent, stolen all the savings, and gambled away the housekeeping….again. Well actually thats not too difficult is it well it wasnt for me it was easy when I was at my worst, maybe difficult for family to listen to, but as a reckless gambler what did I care)?…..The thing is, if you do find it too difficult to open up to people please try and read this book, (The Easy Way To Give Up Gambling). It just might help you see things differently.

      Geordie.

    • #27798
      익명
      손님

      I am sitting on the train travelling to Newcastle from London, absolutely dripping wet after having tripped up at Kings Cross and landing belly up in about half an inch of water. It’s been that sort of week; on Wednesday evening after work I went to the cashpoint and withdrew £40 walked away tucking my card back safely in my pocket only to realise I hadn’t taken my cash!!! What a plonker. C’est la vie!! It’s not always a bed of roses once you’ve given up gambling but it is always a lot better.

      I finished reading Allen Carrs book The Easy Way To Stop Gambling and must admit I am really pleased I have done. At first I was sceptical about his approach, but I think by reading it when I did, after a lengthy period without gambling, I was much more capable of understanding it. I can honestly say I havn’t gambled or had an urge to since I finished it. Fair enough I hadn’t gambled for several months before I read it but I did come close to gambling during those months.

      The big difference I think between the Easy way method and any other I’ve come across is that you make a vow to yourself never to gamble again. Ever. I know that such a commitment is frowned upon at GA and by most of us here. Personally ODAAT I think is a big enough commitment but then aren’t we leaving the door open or saying to ourselves, “Its okay to gamble, just not today” in other words giving ourselves the go-ahead to gamble at some stage in the future? Please don’t get me wrong I’m not changing my philosophy when it comes to my own recovery. However, although I will still take each day as it comes, by having read the explanations given in this book as to how gambling can become to seem to be the norm. I can really think about things in a way I never had before and I do see myself as a non-gambler not a CG in recovery. Is that such a bad thing?

      It doesn’t mean I think I’m “cured” and it doesn’t mean I think I’m infallible and I will still continue the way I have been, plenty of talking to people and not letting my problems build up. But at the same time I do feel completely liberated from gambling, I feel free of it, and that feeling has been with me since I finished reading The Easy Way To Stop Gambling. It’s a much better feeling than “just for today I feel free, but tomorrow might be a bad day and I might feel like gambling, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it” always living with a niggling doubt that it’s possible that gambling, or my addiction, is just waiting to pounce.

      I think however we approach our addiction, and wherever we source help, we are all united in a common goal to live our lives gambling free. I remain open to change, the thoughts I’ve shared in this post contrast greatly from thoughts and opinions I’ve previously shared on this forum.

      Still sitting here soaking wet 2 hrs into my train journey…once upon a time that would have been a great excuse to postpone my weekend away…

      We can all change,

    • #27799
      익명
      손님

      Hi Geordie, I always rem you train journeys…
      I have to say one day at a time never worked for me either ..If it did I would never have got into this mess. i need to think longer term for example last month I needed to look forward to buying my son his new school blazer.. This month I can’t wait to get him his nice trendy new trainers.. I might take him bowling , swimming , to play tennis it golf.. It’s looking forward that helps me

      . It was stopping to pay for a holiday which was booked , half paid for and the family couldn’t stop talking about which FORCED me to stop.( with support several times daily from GT). And then I found I liked looking forward to things .

      One day at a time makes me want to run to the nearest casino as it sends me into waves of panic and depression . It makes me feel like a failure who can just fight her way through today to survive , who cant look forward beyond bedtime .But I know different things work for everyone ..

      I prefer Charles way of looking at it .. You just have to avoid your next bet … Which is like a diabetic has to avoid sugar or a coeliac has to avoid flour . It seems easier to think I have to avoid one thing than I have to force myself to survive just for today ..

      I haven’t read the book you describe but I am feeling that kind of freedom you describe .. I am not going to test if I am cured, and certainly don’t claim to be, but I do feel free.
      I think having money in the bank is very liberating and also learning to enjoy normal things . However you need money to do normal things … (people keep telling me going for a walk is free, but if I enjoyed that I probably would never have bothered to gamble )
      What hits me most about your posts is how calm you are now . Gone is the frantic Geordie bouncing from one calamity to the next ( I hope you don’t find that offensive ) and instead is a man who can forget to pick £40 from the ATM but have enough money so that it does not become a crisis .

      Can you remember the early days of your recovery … What was that changed for you that made you able to stop.?
      I mean how did your thoughts change ..

      I also identify with how things like clearing a room can give you a sense of reward. I like your thread Geordie .. I know how far you have come ..and it fills me with hope !! I like that you write nice long posts and that you think about not just your own recovery but the “process” of recovery . I like that your posts are so positive ..
      Keep writing Geordie !!
      .

    • #27800
      익명
      손님

      Thanks for a great reply, read your latest post on your own thread too and great to see you so positive too.

      Going back to London on Monday (unless its the wrong kind of snow on the railway lines) so will answer your questions then.

      Have a great weekend.

    • #27801
      익명
      손님

      I’m just off to bed V someone did take the £40 it was at Sainsburys and they checked the CCTV, I was fuming..well for about an hour or so, just happy it wasn’t my last.

      Pleased you avoided the ruthless clampers, sure we’ll catch up soon.

      Take care.

    • #27802
      p
      참가자

      Sorry to hear that you lost that money but just so pleased you didnt lose it to gambling.. sounds like you have had a few things thrown at you lately, hopefully a few good things to come too..

      P

    • #27803
      jansdad
      참가자

      I just caught up on this thread. Sorry about the money you lost geordie, but I would rather lose 40 pounds the way you did then lose 5 pounds gambling. And I truly mean it!
      The more gamble-free days I got the more valuable they become to me. And I’m well aware how hard it was to get to this point and how very close I came to giving in on a number of occasions including 3am on January 1st when most cg’s make solemn vows they won’t gamble.
      So, no, I don’t want to break that chain of gamble free days that is now at #43.

      About the book, you know I love it and you know I’ve praised it all along. But I didn’t really like the pep-talk in the beginning of the book and I didn’t really like the solemn-vow thing towards the end. I think it was very unnecessary. He did such a great job revealing gambling for what it really is and he could have spared us the pep talk and the solemn-vow BS. Didn’t we all make solemn-vows not to gamble more times than we can count?

    • #27804
      익명
      손님

      Thanks for the replies, it’s great to see so many of us doing “well” at the same time and dare I say about bloody time!!

      I don’t know what has really changed for me Sad except to say that each time I’ve gambled in recent years I found I was getting less and less out of it, and the only purpose it was serving was to skint me and make me miserable. Mind you I’ve thought I’ve had had my fill of it many times in the past only to come crashing down with an almighty bang as you know. As you mentioned in your post on another thread keeping the door open to the ever illusive “one big win” is a dangerous and ludicrous thing to do, and it something I’ve done in a roundabout way for many years.

      I am lucky that I do earn a really good wage, and I was sick of doing it all in and having direct debits returned that sort of thing. The amount of wages I get these days are on par with what I would have once seen as a windfall, if I earned less though I’m sure that I would still be at the same place.

      It’s funny I don’t remember the date I last gambled, but I do remember the date I last had a gambling urge, Dec 5th 2014. I’ll always remember that date, the date that I for once fought off a gambling urge and did the right thing. I said no to gambling, I made that choice and I decided then I wanted to be an ex-gambler for ever. To be honest I’ve felt like a new man since then, and although I hadn’t gambled for a couple of months (maybe more, maybe less I really don’t know), before then that’s when my feeling of liberation really began.

      Of course I don’t take offence at your catastrophe remark, my life has been full of them, however things are a lot worse when enslaved to addiction because as much as I would think I was acting and thinking rationally I was far from it. Small things like a leaky tap which could have been fixed by simply changing a washer, would end up as a major flood costing hundreds of pounds to fix. Just because gambling or thinking about it was always preferable to changing a washer. A seized engine just because I chose to ignore an oil warning light. That sort of thing.

      I am travelling back to London in style as I type this….only sitting in first class with my own legit ticket…I remember many journeys hiding in the toilets, and I remember many times being caught and kicked off. Don’t get me wrong I havn’t turned into a snob, far from it…..I’m sitting amongst the suited city gents with my work boots on, and I got a discounted ticket in the January sale!

      I do understand where you are coming from with regards to “one day at a time” but as you know when you’re straight off the back of a gambling binge, or trying to seriously quit for the very first time a lifelong commitment just seems to daunting a prospect. Before any of us can really enter a genuine period of recovery, or a new gambling free life we have to endure a period of abstinence, I think this is true for all addicts. It is during this period of abstinence we really should concentrate our efforts on just getting through each day as it comes. Having said that if we set our sights on getting through the next 30 days, six months, a year gambling free we can’t get there overnight, and can only progress ODAAT.

      The book I mention Sad explains a lot of the psychological mumbo jumbo that we’ve allowed ourselves to believe over the years and spells out in no uncertain terms how we’ve allowed ourselves to be brainwashed by our addiction. It’s not difficult to read but I think it’s intended more for people who are thinking of quitting. And in my opinion I don’t think it will be as effective to people who still have their thought processes distorted by worry about the shit that they’re in due to gambling, I think it requires a very clear head and open mind to absorb it and get the greatest benefit from it.

      Jansdad I’m not one for making bold statements like “I vow never to gamble ever again” and the introduction and first chapter do appear very patronising. At the same time though we’ve behaved very immaturely and selfishly for years whilst gambling addicts, and some of us do need things spelt out to us as if we’re children. Some people I feel will benefit from that “pep-talk” although to be honest it did get my back up, and that’s all I had read when you were singing its praises. I was very sceptical. As to the solemn vow I do understand the logic of that, pick a date to quit, prepare yourself for that date and do it. Of course by the time most people get to that stage of the book hopefully they will have already stopped. If the book had of began by asking the reader to make a solemn vow to quit I don’t think I would have read it. I mean don’t forget the book was originally targeted at people wanting to stop smoking. I am going to apply the easyway method to smoking for myself but not for a few weeks yet. Not until I’ve been to Dublin and met Vera at least!! But I will let you all know the date I choose, I think I will buy the book specifically targeted at smokers though, because I’m sure it most differenciate a bit.

      As much as I share your views on that book, I wouldn’t want to take anything away from the more mainstream support and help that has been around a lot longer and helped many people to live a new life free of and after addiction. I know that GT used to have a statement on this site (I don’t know if they still do), saying that they believe that gambling has been a learned behaviour and as such it can be “un-learned” The Gordon Moody Association have similar beliefs and have a great success rate, GA have the 12 step programme, not everyone there follows the full 12 steps but many many GA attenders havn’t gambled for years. The Easy Way method really isn’t too different to anything you will hear at any of the above, but for me it is straight to the point, whereas at GA and here at GT you will hear almost every week that it is hard to quit, lots of emphasis put on just for today, but the people that are telling you it’s hard to quit are those that struggle with it and then come back saying “ a slip is part of recovery, I must try harder this time” and those that witness these people time and time again.

      I’ve said for years on this forum Jansdad it doesn’t have to be hard to quit, I’m sure Vera, P and Sad will vouch for me on that. I dosn’t have to be hard. What makes it hard for a lot of people is just accepting (wrongly) that slips are just part of recovery. And then that they just need to try harder. Not try harder I would say, try differently would probably make more sense. It may take months or years (look at me) to finally start to change, it’s very sad because these changes could have been implemented years ago if only we’d have listened.

      Hope this post’s been long enough for you Sad. :-). I started it at Newcastle Central Station, and now we’ve just passed Peterborough!!

      Geordie.

    • #27805
      seri68
      참가자

      Hi ,Geordie , I like a lot of your thoughts , can I ask you without being too personal , if you have ever been in the position of trying to start a relationship whether business or romantic when you would be held back because of your past ? And how you tackled it ?

    • #27806
      익명
      손님

      Aye, and I’ll be that fat bloke who’s lost, pretending not to be lost or looking for a fat old woman in a new coat.

    • #27807
      익명
      손님

      I hope u two gorgeous people found each other.. Im glad I didn’t go as I would have been the mountain wearing the clothes which no longer fit !!! Geordie , I love your really long reply. It makes great reading.
      I sometimes kick myself for not stopping sooner too, and while I’m sure there are easier and better ways to do it , the slips reinforced for me that I can’t gamble “just one tenner”.
      I don’t believe they are inevitable … I just think it took me longer to accept that the big win will never come , and to really accept I’m not special or chosen to receive wealth . I kinda always thought I would somewhere deep down.
      Now I can appreciate that i don’t need a five star hotel or a the best make-up to feel happy.. I knew I sound so shallow but somehow it has taken me years to understand that a happy home and living within my means is true happiness.

      I accept at last that living an ordinary life is a good life ..
      And I think for me the slips were like having my thick head banged against a wall to knock some sense into it!!
      Slips are not inevitable … They are what they are .. Times when the addiction won.

      It doesn’t have to be hard to quit, but sometimes I felt it would never happen.. I felt I couldn’t .
      What’s different this time for me … Acceptance of what is, expecting more from the life I have and letting go of the life i imagine i should have .
      Geordie , I am so pleased to read that you can afford to take time off to spend with your grandson. These are the things that make life good !! I hope you love Dublin as much as I do , and u get to enjoy a few pints of the dark stuff!

    • #27808
      익명
      손님

      I had a great day too Vera. Very nice to meet you, and really hope that you stay as happy you were yesterday. You certainly look neither old or fat, so good job you had your new coat on or I wouldn’t have believed it was you.

    • #27809
      익명
      손님

      Today could have very easily have been a day I could have gone gambling, lots of money, lots of time, lots of things to escape from, feeling used, depressed and angry.

      The missing ingredient..the desire to gamble, although at times in the past I would have gone without a concious desire, I would have talked myself into it.

      I am grateful to everyone who has helped me to realise that there is a life after gambling, and when it gets tough it sure gets tough. Gambling most certainly wouldn’t make it any easier.

      At one time I’d be sharing all and sundry on this forum, and at the time it was helpful to me, these days I share very little of a personal nature on here suffice to say I do share elsewhere. And although at times I don’t feel like doing so, it always helps.

      And I already feel a bit more cheerful in myself for writing this little post.

      To quote Nan Taylor from the Catherine Tate show, “Gambling!!….what a load of old shit”!

    • #27810
      velvet
      중재자

      Hi Geordie
      Feeling more cheerful as you write a post is a great way to send positive vibes to all those who read it.
      I feel more cheerful for having read it and I hope others will too.
      Wishing you a great and gamble-free day
      Velvet

    • #27811
      butchugly
      참가자

      how long did it take to get to that point?

    • #27812
      익명
      손님

      I think its taken me at least 5 years of trying, to finally get to the stage where I can actually stop an overwhelming feeling of great stress or anger turning into a gambling urge. The sad thing is I knew as much 5 years ago as I do now, I chose to ignore what I knew then.

      I read a post of yours on another thread where you say you can’t bring yourself to tell your partner, and you wanted people to be straight with you.

      For what its worth I would think carefully about this, you will notice as you read threads a lot of people decide not to tell their partners, these are usually the people who regularly have relapses, I know the people who seem to have been gamble free for the longest are generally the ones who have been honest with their loved ones. Not in every case but I would think it the vast majority.

      I’ve gambled quite a few times in the 5 years I’ve used this site but there are others who have used this site longer and have been gamble free since before I came here I can’t think of one who hasn’t shared their recovery with their partner. Honesty, I think, has to be first and foremost if you wish to progress.

      With regards to my own gambling, like the many others who have gambled since using this site. It wouldn’t have happened if I had implemented the barriers or boundaries others had suggested. The embarrassing things that at first make you feel like a 5 year old, but then as gamble free time and money accumulate, you realise what a smart move it is. Like handing over control of your finances, carrying minimal cash, getting your partner to install blocking software so you don’t know the password.

      Just remember that for years you’ve made your own decisions and look at the mess you’re in.

      I think that although everyones recovery is personal to them, recovery is only ever hard because the individual makes it hard. It dosn’t have to be hard, its a simple as getting through just one day. One day can seem impossible but you know as well as me it’s quite possible.

      I dont gamble now, but if I did do. I’d bet you wished you’d never asked. 🙂

    • #27813
      익명
      손님

      Thanks Velvet always nice to get a post off you.

      Pleased to say although things havn’t eased with regards to the way I was feeling yesterday, I’ve managed to survive without gambling.

      Gambling hasn’t made my life any easier before and I know without doubt that it wouldn’t have made it any easier this weekend, infact beyond doubt it would have made it worse.

    • #27814
      JohnNobody
      참가자

      ” I’ve managed to survive without gambling.”

      And at some point you will manage to thrive without gambling 🙂

    • #27815
      kpat
      참가자

      Life is certainly tough enough without us going and making it worse. You have a wonderful story to tell and your perspective is so greatly appreciated by me. I am always eager to read your posts. For myself, it was easy to share with my husband as he was right along side me when I gambled. I agree with you about honesty. I don’t see how anyone who was and is as hooked as I am/was could ever be successful without the help of our loved ones. If we never tell them, how can they help? I think it is a way of keeping the door open to gambling. If noone knows, then we don’t have to tell them when we go back to our old ways.

    • #27816
      Fritz
      참가자

      I can relate to your comment about feeling like a 5 year old when asking my wife to control all of my finances. It was a pride thing with me. I took a lot of pride in managing finances for my family for most of my adult life. It also proved to me how not in control I really was. For a long time I couldn’t bring myself to understand that I needed to turn it all over to my wife, and that it was the only way I was going to get through the first few months, maybe first few years. So I kept control, and I relapsed. And relapsed again, and again….. Then I finally realized how powerful CG is. I did turn it all over to her (finally), after being stubborn for a long time. Being stubborn lost me a lot of $$, and a lot of peace, sleep, happiness.

      After I took that step, I felt a lot better. It showed my wife that I needed her help. It gave me the confidence to go about my business knowing that a detour to the casino was not possible, so I was able to put it out of my mind.

      After a few months, I got my credit cards back. It was fine for a few more months, then unfortunately it wasn’t fine, and I relapsed. A huge slice of humble pie for me. No more credit cards for me, again. Not sure if I will be able to have them again, but I can’t mope or worry about that. It’s just too big of a risk, and my wife is more than happy to manage finances and give me the credit card if I truly need it for a specific purpose, then it goes right back to her.

      I used to think it was a personal problem and I had to fix it by myself. Now I realize that I need help from others, and I gladly accept it. I realize now that I am not like I was before I gambled and I will never be. It took a long time to realize that, but now that I do, life is better. Relying on my partner shows her that I love her, and that I trust her, and that I appreciate her help. It has actually strengthened our relationship a lot.

      For these reasons, I believe that for CG’s it is 100% essential and mandatory to fill your partner in on the “dirty little secret” and figure out a plan with her/him, and work the plan together in order to have the greatest chance of success.

    • #27817
      butchugly
      참가자

      that just makes me cry..I feels so sad and lost. I had never thought about it like that.
      Yes I need to tell my partner. I know he will be supportive. I am such an honest person normally..and also very open about my flaws to the world. This time, I don’t know what has happened. I have told him and other people before that I had a problem with gambling.
      Maybe this time..I find it hard because I actually believe it. Im scared. I still have my partner..my children, a nice home and a good job.
      Ive lost my social life..unless its gambling. I don’t go out. unless its gambling. I spend most of my alone hours thinking about how stupid I’ve been.
      yes I’m in debt but its not terrible..but I know its heading that way. Im a psychiatric nurse..I listen and hear about people ruining there lives because of addiction of some kind. I can help them and i am good at it..probably mostly because i understand that gut wrenching feeling day in and day out. but when it comes to me..i can’t even listen to my own advice. I will tell my partner one day. i believe i am a CG but I am not sure how strong i am. therefore i will wait till i believe i can beat this.
      I feel like I have to be strong for other people day in and day out. yet I can’t be strong for myself. it makes me angry and sad

    • #27818
      익명
      손님

      Thanks for some great posts. Sometimes I wish I had more time to write on this forum, but its just another thing that I accept.

      You must be a very strong person, butchugly, (with a horrible user name, lol, only kidding), but you must be strong to do the job that you do.

      I just know from reading on here over the years its best to bite the bullet sooner rather than later, Frit’z post is brilliant at explaining why.

      I do feel like I’ve had a bit of a victory this weekend, because, although I didn’t have a gambling urge I did come close to it. I have only ever managed to fend off an urge 2 or 3 times in my life so am just so pleased I was able to stop my thoughts going down that road. As much as I said about previous gambling wouldn’t have happened if I had barriers in place, I did have access to my bank accounts on Saturday which actually was a stupid thing. Its always easy to be wise after the event as we all know. Maybe just one more thing not going right might have been the straw that finally broke the camels back.

      On the train at the minute travelling back to London, and because I’ve had a few days off recently am going back to work tomorrow first day of six I hope.

      Thanks again for the replys.

      Geordie.

    • #27819
      butchugly
      참가자

      I know it is. Lol
      My bulldog was called butch. And I used to call him butchugly. Plus I feel pretty ugly inside right now. But I’m not a butch woman.

    • #27820
      jansdad
      참가자

      I’m flying home tomorrow and I hope I bring my self up to telling my wife and hand her over the finances. You guys are right. Being dishonest with one person I rely on and respect the most is probably not a good thing.

      I’ve always had stashes. I’ve always made more money than we would spend living comfortably (but less than I could lose) and my wife never had any insight in our finances. I’ve never been honest with her in that regards because I was feeding my addiction.
      Come wednesday, I will ask her to take over the finances. I wish I had the guts to tell her about my recent losses too, but I just don’t think I will find the strength to do that.
      I feel horrible about the whole thing. About being dishonest, about jeopardizing my own family’s future, about the money and time lost. I’m such an a-hole.

    • #27821
      익명
      손님

      I’m sure you’ll feel the benefits and am pleased that you’ve decided to.

      Don’t have time to post much very early start tomorrow.

      We are/were all a-holes when acknowledging our mistakes, but choosing to repeat them time and time again.

      By making a stand and doing things differently shows a great commitment to change, and change is what we have to do.

    • #27822
      익명
      손님

      I really wish that I had more time to post, this forum has some great threads to read at the minute, it’s hard to keep up, and am afraid I’m working long hours at the minute so can’t always reply to the posts I read as much as I want to.

      I had one of those days yesterday when one thing goes wrong then all of a sudden it starts going from bad to worse. It started at 5am when we went into work to find we weren’t in our own truck, we were in the brand new shiny branded truck, as a reward for being champion crew we were to drive the flagship vehicle. It was awful, very little room in the cab, and worst of all it was automatic. All was well until my mate crashed into the back of a stationary van with ladders on the back, smashing the windscreen and bumper. Half an hour later we delivered a big fridge freezer to a first floor flat up the stairs from hell and into a tiny tight corner. Once we’d put it in the lady decides she wants to send it back because said the handles didn’t look parallel!!! We took it back down the stairs she then claims we have scuffed her floor. In all honesty we probably did, she has a vinyl floor and she is pursuing a claim for the cost of replacement. So being self-employed it has probably cost us about a thousand pound to go to work yesterday, Imagine that. Oh and then I came home with the keys in my pocket and had to take them back.

      Am going to visit my mam for a mother’s day surprise, and am looking forward to that, she is going into hospital to get her other knee done on Monday so I can take her to the hospital before I go for the train, I’ll probably go back next weekend because there’s no one at home when she comes home.

      I know at times in the past these things would have sent me straight to the bookies or casino. Yesterday I just sort of laughed/sighed at the memories of how pathetic I behaved when I used to gamble. I do feel liberated from gambling. I know the feeling of liberation will subside if I lose touch with recovery and forget I have a problem.

      It’s great to read the happy positive posts, it’s a shame there’s a lot of not so happy ones too. Also a shame to see so many conspicuous absentees’, which usually means one thing. No disrespect intended to anyone but I’m just pleased it isn’t me, it really is so sad because you do not need to do it. Fritz’s thread has a great theory about gambling which makes a lot of sense.

      Time for bed!

    • #27823
      kpat
      참가자

      It’s great to read your plans to spend time with your Mother. I think the biggest thing gambling took from me was my want to be with my family. It is true that we will never regret time spent with those we love. I can’t imagine anyone on their deathbd ever saying I wish I spent more of life gambling. And you know, that is what we need to focus on, how to live the rest of our lives without more regret.
      Your day sounds like it came from Hell and yet there are positives. You weren’t hurt in the accident with the truck. The fridge didn’t fall on the lady customer either!!!

    • #27824
      익명
      손님

      Here I am on the train again heading back to Newcastle just a flying visit, back on Monday. I usually book my tickets in advance but wasn’t able to because I didn’t know 100% I was coming until yesterday. So my ticket has cost me £130, my ticket two weeks ago cost £28.50, the one before that £30. So it definitely pays to book in advance. I’ve got a hire car booked and have enough loyalty points to pay for one days rental, so at least that’s a small consolation.

      My Mam has had her operation cancelled as she has a chest infection and didn’t sound at all well on the phone last night. So I’ll be pleased to see her as I know she has a few jobs she’d like done, and me turning up and doing them might be a bit of a tonic.

      Life without gambling is certainly different and better. I know that I will always be in a perilous position should I choose to gamble again and I don’t intend to.

      I intended to get the 09.00 train but the local tram service wasn’t operating this morning so I didn’t get to Kings Cross ‘til 09.05 and missed it. I had to walk the distance between two tram stops, less than quarter of a mile and counted 10 betting shops, all open as well just after 08.00, yesterday I noticed a betting shop with a cash point built into its shop front, how sick is that!

      When I got to Kings Cross I was sitting outside watching the world go by I had a choice of two trains the 09.30, which stops everywhere on route, or the 10.00 express which arrives 10 mins. after the 09.30. I remembered once before I was in the exact same predicament and decided to wait ‘til 10 and spend half an hour in the bookies opposite. I didn’t get out the bookies ‘til after 7pm and disappointed my family yet again, I didn’t get home that time. Why would it be any different if I went today, thankfully it was nothing that I came close to considering today. I caught the 09.30, but am regretting it a bit, it’s chock-a-block, (full). I am wishing I’d went and had some breakfast.

      Thanks for your post kpat, it is true things could have been worse, and the last two days were incident free, so it’s not all bad.

      Take care all.

      If you get tempted just don’t do it, gambling gets you nowhere, you all know that. Just for today stand up and say “NO”. I did also notice a poster in one of the bookies’ windows this morning it read, “Big rewards, for the Big man”. I thought to myself how true, but the biggest men are those that can walk by these places and the big reward is life, and we all only have one of those so why waste it gambling?

      Geordie.

    • #27825
      익명
      손님

      Greetings Geordie from a “conspicuous absentee”! I too am
      Getting ready to make the trip home for Mother’s Day . Hubby is checking to see if my Mot is still in date … If its not I am in a spot of bother!!

      I never take the train anymore . It must be so relaxing to sit back and Rea and watch the world go by .

      I have had a great gamble free 2015 … Until Wednesday night when I blew 250.. Exactly the same circumstances as last march … New visa arrived in post.. The difference this year is that I am not going to continue every day for months on end. It’s not that much in the great scheme Of things but enough to make things really right and to make me feel really bad!

      I have an image of you fixing leaky taps in your mums house right now. It occurs to me that we are very fortunate that we have our mums to visit. Bless them it must be hard to have their kids living away.

      I hope you have a lovely visit and your mums health improves fast. I love the positivity in your posts and I think I too can do that!! Your visits to this site are definitely helping others!!

    • #27826
      익명
      손님

      Thanks Sad. Gutted for you that you went and gambled, pleased to see it hasnt got you sucked right back in though.

      Remember the circus and monkey analogy!!

      I’m still on the train I’m in the quiet coach, (Shhhh!!) nearly back now though, half an hour to go.

      I remember reading a post by you a few weeks ago saying how we get fewer replies when we’re “doing well” this is true, but you’re latest escapade should serve as a lesson to us all, that we should always be eager to encourage everyone who uses the forum. And to be honest if you’re new or just off the back of a gambling binge I sometimes think that you don’t fully absorb the support offered in the way that its intended. And I do wish sometimes if I’ve spent time writing an elaborate post to a new member, but its basically just repeating what five or six others have said, that maybe that time would have been better spent posting to one of the members who is doing well. Maybe a few more posts on your thread could have saved you from your latest blip.

      Any way we’ll never know, must dash we’re just arriving in Durham, next stop Newcastle in 15 mins.

      Cheers Sad.

    • #27827
      익명
      손님

      Thank u Geordie for a lovely reply .. I did actually feel I wasn’t getting the support I needed when the urges started to come .. But I have never joined GA or any other organisation except here .. People have been kind but I need something more .. Not sure what that is.. Maybe as Micky says a counsellor would help .. I don’t know ..

      The groups are good but I think we need a group for those who have been in recovery a while..the crisis people ( which was recently me tend to get more time in the group )

      But thanks for your lovely reply . I am back on the wagon and sitting well in the middle ..

    • #27828
      Fritz
      참가자

      Just read through your recent posts and I wanted to give you a shout out for some really great thoughts you have shared. The fact that you had a really bad day, but managed to stay gambling free that day anyway. In the past it was so easy for me to give in when I thought life was giving me the shaft, like somehow I deserved to gamble because of my misfortune. Maybe once upon a time you would have had the same inclination. So great to see you stay strong and understand that life will dish out some bad days along with the good, and we just need to accept it and move forward with hope for a better one tomorrow.

    • #27829
      p
      참가자

      Hows things for you today.. so glad that we seem to finally have gotten a bit more of surrender in our lives now Geordie.. its amazing when you look back isnt it..

      P

    • #27830
      leolee831
      참가자

      Thank you for sharing and the words of wisdom from all the members. Goldie18, thank you so much for sharing and giving your inputs. I love reading the things you share and encourage

    • #27831
      p
      참가자

      Hey Geordie

      How you doing today?

      P

    • #27832
      익명
      손님

      Hi P I did writ a long post in reply to your other post and leolees’s a few nights ago, but pressed the enter key and it dis-appeared into cyber space.

      I am still working hard and have been to newcastle twice recently. I’m off to Lisbon for a few days in May with a mate who I havnt seen in over 5 years, not even a mild gambler so am sure I will have a non gambling holiday. Havn’t thought about gambling in the slightest for ages. I really do wish I had more time to post, I keep up to date with a few threads and would love to reply to them all. I’m afraid though that I am now on early early starts 04.30 to 05.30 most days, but as you know that doesn’t necessarily mean early finishes. So the time I get home, make my tea (dinner) make a few phone calls you can imagine I’m v tired. When I’m only off one day that is usually spent, tidying, washing, cooking and shopping….sometimes even cleaning! On a two day break I usually spend hours catching up on my paperwork and emails for work, as I’m self-employed and need to keep records of everything. Since I went to Dublin though Ive had lots of time off, first with a bad back then a sprained knee. Its been great to have been able to afford to support myself these last few weeks. There have been two weeks when my outgoings were greater than my income, lol, I remember when that was the normal state of play for me. Pleased to say that it is very unusual for that to happen now, but it was nice to have money to fall back on, money that was earned through common sense, not through nonsense.

      I’ve also had a few very trying moments recently, but pleased to report gambling wasn’t even a remote consideration to me. Maybe I’m in a position in life where I should have been 30 years ago, but I’m here and moving forward one day at a time, life everybody else. I wouldn’t be here at all, and maybe would never have gotten here, had I continued to gamble.

      Serenity, Courage and Wisdom are filling the big void in my head where gambling once was.

      I dont like to read of peoples gambling, it’s sad especially when you know that they know they dont need to be doing it. They didn’t have to gamble.

      Pleased that so many stick with support because without it we’re doomed.

      Hope this wasn’t too much gobbledegook, I’m really tired and only got in at 8.30, went out at 6am.

      Thanks again P and thanks Leo lee, hope things are working out for you.

      Wishing everyone well.

      Geordie.

    • #27833
      p
      참가자

      Glad to hear you are all good and that things are going well.. it seems easy to see now the madness doesnt it but we also went through that time when we couldnt stop..
      Glad you are in recovery today…

      P

    • #27834
      익명
      손님

      I made a big mistake tonight, after being out since 04.45 I read a few more posts on GT and here I am posting myself at 10pm, I’m back at work at 5am. It’s a mistake because I’ve read so many things that have struck a chord, I’m usually asleep by now but feel the need to make a quick few comments. I havn’t got the time to post on individual threads so will just post here.

      One of the reasons I stopped posting so much was because I know that when any of us is gambling it rarely makes a difference what anyone says to us, we will just carry on gambling. P posted words to that effect and I’m afraid I do agree 100%. I too felt like I was preaching, I admit since Jansdad perceived one of my posts to be condescending I’ve re-read a few of them and think he does have a point. However its not really “preaching” out of narcissism or anything egotistical, its preaching because I have found out a new way to live without the desire to gamble, imagine that! And I want everyone else to find it too. I can’t emphasize enough how different things are.
      As most of you know I’ve let myself sink to some unfathomable depths to get gambling money over the years, I’ve spent over 3 years of my life in jail. Just because I wanted to gamble, not because I needed to, or had to, but because I wanted to. It doesn’t matter how I dressed it up at the times, what reasons or excuses I used. I gambled because I wanted to, it was my first port of call in a crisis. Usually I’d have a hand in making the crisis.

      I didn’t get to this stage overnight, like P it has taken years and years, I first went to GA in 1983!

      I don’t know the date of my last bet, I know it was last year though. That really isn’t important to me, as much as it will always be one day at a time with recovery, for me it is also a lifelong commitment. It has to be, I can’t see the sense in gambling, I really cant. If I thought that at some point in the future I would rekindle the desire to gamble I don’t think my life would be so straight forward. I think I’d be in anticipation of the inevitable next bet, just as long as it wasn’t today. That half expectation was keeping sort of a pilot light switched on to my gambling. Its extinguished now.

      To get from being a horrible conman and jailbird and thief, to living to how I do now is nothing short of miraculous. I have some problems, some huge debts the debts will be around for years yet, the problems will be overcome. Life will go on without gambling for me.

      I know things change, my savings will grow, (I havn’t overcommitted on my debts), some people would dis-agree with this, I would have done once upon a time. But gambling has stolen 30 years + of my life, it’s not depriving me of anything else, I’m handling my money well, I never carry more than what I need, I eat well.

      Things are different in a good way, all the things I thought gambling would bring me, are eventually being achieved by not gambling.

      Cor Blimey in work in 5 hours time, got to dash!

      To be continued….

      I knew it was a mistake, lol but a good one.

      Geordie.

    • #27835
      lizbeth4
      참가자

      Hi Geordie, You have come a long way and turned your life around. You should be very proud of yourself. I am happy that you are living gamble free and enjoying life. Life does get better after gambling. I am trying not to post on my thread as much as I usually do. I have reread my posts to others and hoped that it didn’t sound preachy. (sometimes it did) Your story is amazing and anyone struggling should read your thread. I think it is very beneficial. Take care.

    • #27836
      butchugly
      참가자

      What an awsome and encouraging post. I look forward to reading the rest when you have time.

    • #27837
      I_Maverick
      참가자

      Geordie, that is an incredible post mate. I went to GA last night and discussed what recovery means, and recovery runs through your post like words in blackpool rock. There is a difference between abstenance and recovery. You are in recovery and readoing what you have written gives me hope. Gambling has robbed me of 3 years, but it has taken so much more – slef respect, self esteem, ambition, imagination, dreams of a future. It has reduced everything to a misery. I have to choose this as my rock bottom, beacuse there is always further to fall.

      Thank you for posting, you are in my thoughts. I feel as if we are a weiord, dysfunctional family supporting each other.

      Nice one.

      mav

    • #27838
      익명
      손님

      I cant post a lot tonight, I’m shattered, have 5am start again tomorrow and a 6am on Sunday. Am off on Monday and Tuesday, so as long as I don’t go out I’ll post some more on Monday evening I have a lot to do through the day.

      Just wanted to say a quick thanks for the replies.

      I hope everyone has the courage and wisdom, to get them through the weekend.

      Just remember nothing bad is going to happen just because you don’t go gambling, something bad is sure to if you do go.

      Thanks again. Geordie.

    • #27839
      익명
      손님

      First of two days off today, and up at my usual 03.30, not through choice, plenty to do today though. Desperately need a haircut and have quite a bit of work stuff to do, as well as a bit of shopping and loads of washing. Now to many people I would imagine that gambling would be a much more attractive proposition, I’m pleased that it isn’t to me though. It always was for many a long year. Absolute nonsense.

      I don’t consider gambling as an option for anything these days and its great not to have it in my head, taking its place in every thought I have, I was absolutely saturated with gambling, and I never really thought I’d be anything other than a gambler. So it is great to get up at this time of day and not to start thinking about where to get money for a trip to the bookies, or to start gambling online, or to think of elaborate rouses of how to trick money off someone.

      I don’t sit and wonder why I gambled in the first place, I always thought it was so important to know, I thought that would be the key to successfully stopping. Now I know that it’s not important to me at all, what is important is that I don’t forget how quickly one very small inconsequential bet would quickly take me right back to how I used to be. And I am well aware of how I used to be, and don’t think I’ll ever wish to be like that again.

      So my rather humdrum day begins, and although I’m not overly enthusiastic about it, I know I will achieve my goals and then tomorrow I can have a “chill out” day. No gambling for me today. Only life.

      Take care.

      Geordie.

    • #27840
      p
      참가자

      Well done Geordie

      Id take the peace of the humdrum existence any day over the gambling chaos. Hooray for recovery today Geordie

      P

    • #27841
      익명
      손님

      It hasn’t been the best couple of weeks for me lately. I aggravated my strained knee last Saturday and was off work for 3 days, was in the last two days but this morning my colleague never turned up, which not only results in us losing a days work but also costs us a £100 penalty. The penalty is then given to the standby crew that covers our run. Tough at the top!

      Thankfully I still have my wits about me and last Saturday when my knee went wonky I transferred £500 to my Mams bank account just to be on the safe side, I’m fairly certain I would not have gambled it, but after a life time of being fairly certain I wouldn’t gamble, and then ending up gambling , why take the chance?

      Life at the moment seems to be 2 steps forward then three back, with the exception of gambling I’m pleased to say.
      So with this out of the blue day off, there is plenty I can do. My flatmates are away on holiday so I have the place to myself I’m so grateful for that, I am going away myself on May 5th, to be honest though I’ve been looking forward to their holiday more than mine. It constantly pee’s me off living like this so I am flat hunting at the minute and have set myself a target to be in my own place by the end of June.

      Sometimes I struggle to believe the change in me these days, I feel as if I’ve been scrubbed clean of the gambling and all the shit that comes with it. I have never once thought it might be a good idea to have a little try.

      I often read of the situations people are currently in through their own gambling and although I can empathise with each and every CG that is in the shite, and sympathise with a few, I can’t help thinking, “you’ve only got yourself to blame” and “I’m pleased that those days are over for me”.
      It doesn’t benefit anybody to post these comments on peoples threads of course, so I don’t. But I know that if I had acted on the advice given to me the first time I went to a GA meeting I could have lived the last 30 years or more gamble free. I have heard it said that the most expensive advice is the advice we don’t take on board. I know from experience, especially where gambling is concerned, that this is so true.
      I firmly believe that no one is doomed to life as a CG, or an addict of any description. I do know that the hardest thing for me was to believe in myself, believe I could change. I used to hear of these people at GA or on here that hadn’t gambled for years, I used to think that they couldn’t have been as badly addicted as me, they just couldn’t have been. They didn’t know what gambling was like now, how it had me in its grasp. Of course they did, its just that I thought I was “worse” than them.

      Life doesn’t get immediately better the minute we stop gambling, in fact it can and usually is a bit worse, facing up to the mountains of problems, and debts we have acquired, but the answer first and foremost for each and every CG is to stop gambling. I know that it is hard, it seems impossible for many, sadly though it doesn’t have to be hard and a gamble free life is possible for each and every CG.

      We all come here or to GA or the like for help to help us stop gambling, the vast majority though appear to dis regard the majority of advice at first. It seems a common trait with us, history and common sense dictate to us though, that we do not know better. A life time of making our own decisions is what has brought us to being in a position where we need help in the first place.

      My life is far from a bed of roses at present, but I intend to make the most of this out of the blue day off.

      Wishing everyone well. Whatever position you are in, you do not need to gamble.

      All the best.

      Geordie.

    • #27842
      익명
      손님

      🙂

    • #27843
      p
      참가자

      You make so much sense to me.. totally totally relate..
      I love that you said after a lifetime of being fairly certain you wont gamble and you gambled. thats it right there, the awareness.. love it love it love it..

      P

    • #27844
      익명
      손님

      Hi Geordie , I love your posts . U make such sense ..
      You are right . We only have ourselves to blame .. At some point before we gamble we have a choice … We can chose to have barriers in place . We can chose to say no .. We have choices . We are not helpless..

      I know what being free feels like ( although I am struggling at the moment I know I am improving .
      It is the best feeling in the world.

      Reading back over your thread I disagree with u . I hard never found your posts condescending .. U tell it as it is .. But not on a nasty way .

      I am so happy you are free from this addiction . I am glad its you who got a break!’

      Well done and don’t ever look back !!

    • #27845
      velvet
      중재자

      Hi Geordie.
      Keep holding that light up at the end of the tunnel – life can be a gloomy prospect without hope and your post is full of positive thought, hope and brightness for those who want to use it to light their way.
      So keep posting. I know only too well that life is not a bed of roses but it beats snuffling round in the compost. Your knee will get better, you will find a better place to live and you will enjoy every aspect of your life more for living gamble-free.
      Brilliant post – a joy to read, thank you
      Velvet

    • #27846
      익명
      손님

      Told you that life wasn’t a bed of roses at the minute.
      My mother went in to hospital for a knee replacement yesterday; she is now being moved to the high dependency unit because her blood pressure has dropped and she’s also had to have two blood transfusions through the night. The thing is they have no beds in HDU so she is being monitored back in the recovery room. I explained to the nurse that I was just about to get in a lorry and wouldn’t be able to drive if I thought my mother were in a precarious position, or that she might take a step backwards, but the nurse was very good at re-assuring me that there was no need for me to rush home, but she would definitely be going to HDU before going back on a ward. I think my mother will be very unsettled on the HDU, as that’s where my dad died, especially if she comes round and sees me there, she might think that the hospital sent for me. So I am not going to rush up there, and hopefully there’ll be better news later on. I’ve asked the advice of three people and they all agree that it’s best not to go. I’m meant to be going away for four days next week, but might cancel it, well postpone it, and go to my mother’s instead.

      It’s pretty sick to think that in the past this situation would have me running to the nearest bookies so as I didn’t have to deal with it. It’s not a nice situation to be in, but gambling and all it involves would be an even worse scenario. I havn’t chosen to be in this situation, I would have to choose to go gambling. And that’s something that doesn’t cross my mind now. I’m pleased to say.

      It was seldom a conscious choice to gambling, I’d just go on automatic pilot, I’m really shocked when I think of the lengths I would go to, just to gamble, some things completely sick. Like the night I stole some money from the house I sneaked out the house, my mother saw me and chased me across a dark gravel car park in her nighty and dressing gown, tripped and fell face down, and I just left her lying there, and ran to the taxi office and got a taxi to the casino. Or the time a middle aged school teacher gave me a room when I was in my early twenties and one day when she was at work I ransacked the place stole her jewellery, cash and credit cards. The list is endless, a lot of you know about the sick way I extorted thousands from my parents and don’t wish to expand on that anymore. But I think it is important to emphasise to myself time and time again how sick I behave when at my worst with gambling. Stopping gambling is not about will power, whatever you think we all have tons of will power, we must have to go the lengths we would go to get a bet on. I know for me that stopping gambling has been a lot about growing up, as harsh as it sounds.

      I think that once we know beyond doubt and we unquestionably accept that we are compulsive gamblers then gambling should be the last thing we ever consider doing. I think that sometimes I’ve used the excuse that I’m a compulsive gambler to justify a gambling spree. I say I’ve had to grow up because for years I’ve accepted I am a compulsive gambler, and for years on frequent occasions I’ve chosen to carry on gambling. Not a mature or rational thing to do, more like a spiteful childish action. Of course I knew it was wrong, I still didn’t carefully consider the consequences. It’s a very real consequence that I could end up in prison should I ever gamble again. That alone, nor the effect it would have on my mother or family, would not have been a good enough reason not to go gambling, if I was going to go, I was going to go. Selfish. ignorant. Arrogant. childish.

      Different times I’m pleased to say.

      Since starting this post I’ve rang the hospital and they are now hoping to send my mam directly back to the orthopaedic ward, so that’s a huge relief.

      Thankfully I’ve got a very supportive friend who I was able to talk to last night and this morning, and having people to talk to is something that I think is necessary for us all in order to lead a life with some stability. Having yourself consumed by any tough situation, is when you’re more likely to let your guard down, because you’re not thinking straight. CGs aren’t the best of copers. I accept I’ll always be a CG, but I also accept I don’t gamble anymore nor is there ever going be a time or situation where gambling could help me cope.

      Gambling is not for compulsive gamblers! Talking, I think, is a must. (Of course my own opinion).

      Easier said than done? Of course it is, it is when you’re still gambling or abstaining. But why is it hard to stop? It really shouldn’t be. Should it?

      Anyway great relief for me where my mothers concerned. I’ve had work on phone to see if I’m definitely at work tomorrow and I’ve said I will be. Its a long distance run too, wish it were a local one but cant ask too many favours.

      Geordie.

    • #27847
      p
      참가자

      Great news on your mum and i am glad that her op went ok and they are moving her to a different area..
      Wow i love your posts.. i relate. and i love them. They are open and honest and real. I so get where you are at and i love how far you have come.. its amazing to see.. keep posting. Keep talking..

      P

    • #27848
      velvet
      중재자

      Hi Geordie
      I couldn’t close my computer down without saying how pleased I am that your mother is back on the orthopaedic ward.
      This was a terrific post Geordie and must have taken a lot of energy to write – I hope you are able to rest tonight knowing that your mother is recovering.
      I am sure your mother would want you to bury deeply the bad memories you describe. She sounds a loving mother who would want you to live free of guilt about behaviour bought on by an addiction that you never asked for – the greatest pleasure you can give her, must be to see you living gamble-free and you are doing that.
      I hope to hear that your mam continues to recover well and is soon home.
      Speak soon
      Velvet

    • #27849
      maverick.
      참가자

      Hi geordie,

      Just wanted to drop in and wish you my very best, I hope your mother is doing ok and likewise wish her well.

      Great post by the way, I could relate to it so very much, I often think about the lengths I would go when I made the choice to gamble, some of the things I did you wouldn’t believe………but I know I wouldn’t have done them if it wasn’t for my gambling addiction, when actively gambling I would go to any lengths to fuel my addiction…………..as we both well know thats not the real us.

      Take care my friend and I hope this finds you well, I read a lot on this site nowadays but don’t do much posting or sharing, perhaps I will start a new journal as I honestly believe sharing is good for the soul.

      Dont work to hard Geordie and all the very best.

      Maverick

    • #27850
      p
      참가자

      Hows things, i always have a look out for your posts but i know your life is busy busy busy these days.. just checking in to say hi

      P

    • #27851
      monique
      참가자

      It’s good to read your posts. I just want to wish you well as you journey forward in different aspects of your life and also especially to send warm thoughts to you and your mother, hoping she makes a good recovery. She sounds like a great woman and you demonstrate true compassion for her.

      All the best,

      Monique

    • #27852
      익명
      손님

      Well thanks for posts.

      Life is busy busy P, sometimes just not enough hours in the day, I’ve been off for two days and should have gone in today, but have phoned in sick as I still have lots to do.

      My mam is making a slow recovery Monique but sounds a lot better in herself. If I don’t go home this weekend I’ll be going next weekend or the one after that. My brother is at home on leave so she has someone there. She has warned me not to go she needs to get over her op, and there’s not much I could do for her if I went home.

      I have a bit of trouble at work, well not trouble as such, but a difficult situation. I think my colleague, who I’ve worked with for 2 and a half years, took some money from my pocket on Monday when I was out of the lorry. I have had to confide my suspicions in the depot manager who has said he will look at the cctv footage. I am hoping that I can go and view the footage today. The whole scenario is very long winded and too long to explain here but I was certain he took the money, and have tried to convince myself otherwise because I don’t want to lose my partner. At the end of the day though this is not the first time its happened and as much as we work well together if the camera shows him going in my pockets I’ll have to sack him. I’ve done things a lot lot worse in the past when I was gambling, and if he sincerely apologises and tries to explain he may get a second chance, but to be on the receiving end is not very nice at all. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

      Since I last posted I’ve been away to Lisbon for 4 days it was great and great to see my mate after 6 years. Cant wait to go away again.

      I might have time to post a bit more later on, but am off to work to catch the boss before he gets too busy to see me. Just wanted to say thanks for replies. 

    • #27853
      익명
      손님

      Hi Geordie, I am glad to hear your mum is doing better.. It’s such a worry, and she sounds like a wonderful mum.
      Geordie, I am so glad your mum got to see you in recovery and doing well. As a mother I Can tell you Our happiness in life is 100% linked to the happiness of our children…. And it fluctuates!!

      I look Tat how you have turned your life around and I knowing too can do it
      I Am impressed by how sensitively you are handling the “thief” situation.. A word of warning.. How often did being let off the hook help us?

      I would advise you to follow the procedures… Harsh though that sounds..but you are wise and will handle the situation well!
      Keep posting Geordie!! Feeling really proud of you !

    • #27854
      익명
      손님

      Just got back from work where I watched my “mate” put his hand in hand in my coat pocket whilst I was driving, my coat was hanging up behind me and I didn’t see at the time. Am not 100% sure as to how to proceed now, its quite a complex scenario. So think I’ll have a few days off and go and see my mam. My boss has a plan/solution I have to ring him this afternoon to sort things out.

      It looks like its the end of the road for me and my mate though, for once its not me and my gambling thats ruined everything.

    • #27855
      kathryn
      참가자

      What a horrible position you are in! In saying that this man can’t keep getting away with it. You have done the right thing telling your boss, it’s out of your hands now, I would however ensure that your money is in a safe place, perhaps in your pants pocket. I know you shouldn’t have to, but you have worked too hard on recovery to have someone else pinching what money you do have. I do hope, whatever happens that this man gets some help, there’s obviously a reason he’s doing it.
      Enjoy time with your mum, and take care.
      Love K xxx

    • #27856
      vera
      참가자

      A very complex situation indeed, Geordie!
      I hate it when somebody steals from me. It was so ingrained in us as children NEVER to take what is not ours , that I would be terrified to put my hand in anyone’s pocket. We were also trained to hand up money we found. However, nobody “trained” me not to take illicit loans from the Bank for gambling, (lol!) BUT the difference is, I will be paying back on the double for the rest of my “natural” and so will you G, so why should your mate have the right to “rob” you of your hard earned money? It is such a mean thing to do to a fellow worker. I “lost” €200 at work a few years ago. It was only after a colleague mentioned the word “stolen” that I realized it wasn’t “lost”. I was shattered to think somebody would be so light fingered.
      The person who stole from me in the past was a relation. I still feel SICK whenever I think of it. The reason if affects me so badly still, is because it was never resolved.I still can’t believe it happened.
      Let your boss sort it out.
      You need to give that guy a wide berth now for fear of repercussions!
      How could you ever trust him again?
      (did you get my e mail?)

    • #27857
      vera
      참가자

      How are things Geordie?
      Just wondering what was the upshot of that incident with your co-worker?

    • #27858
      익명
      손님

      Smashing V, havn’t got time to post at minute, am off monday so will try and post then. Alls well though, have hardly looked at forum the last few days. Its dead busy at work. Will reply to your email in the next few days.

      Cheers.

    • #27859
      bonkers
      참가자

      sorry to see this post Geordie.sadly even mates let you down ,,,,,but you will bounce back,,,but its certainly a kick in the guts,take care m8,,speak soon best wishes bonkers

    • #27860
      p
      참가자

      I hope your work situation has been resolved. You are so busy these days it’s great to see you have made that much progress. I always love reading your posts I always identify with them. Keep up your great recovery. Do you still attend GA?

      P

    • #27861
      p
      참가자

      Hi Geordie,

      Just wanted to say hi and miss seeing your posts round here. Hope all is good for you

      P

    • #27862
      vera
      참가자

      Was that you I saw peeping around the door on Bonker’s Thread, Geordie?
      Where were you?

    • #27863
      maverick.
      참가자

      Happy new year Geordie I hope you are keeping well my friend, hope all is going well for you and maybe catch you around sometime, take care and all the best, will always wish you well.

      Maverick

    • #27864
      익명
      손님

      Been a long time since I posted on here, and a lot has happened during my absence.

      I was in a coma in October as a result of the poison from an acute appendicitis getting into my heart which stopped for 44 minutes, when I eventually came round and got my mind back the doctor said to me in no uncertain terms, “Be absolutely certain mr Geordie, you havn’t had a near death experience you were dead”!

      Imagine that.

      Being in the coma was a very peculiar experience and I did have to fight to come out of it. Believe me though I really wish I hadn’t. My life is now in complete tatters and that’s down to gambling again not the coma.

      I lost my job and my posh flat when in hospital. I’ve been gambling like the arsehole I am more or less since then. The last day I gambled was last Friday. I gambled all my wages then got a £500 advance from work. I managed to pay the bills I should have spent my wages on and had £20 to see me through til tomorrow payday again. The job I have now pays me less than half of what I was earning in my previous one and to get out of my current financial hole will take me at least 12 weeks and that’s providing I don’t eat, do my laundry, or pay my phone bills.

      Over 30 years I’ve done shit like this but I can never remember being so depressed, deflated, and hopeless. Once upon a time I would live by Looby Loo’s mantra that “There is always hope” and to be honest it’s the hope that I cant handle anymore, not all the problems and kicks in the teeth that I so often inflict upon myself.

      The last few times Ive come back to GT hasn’t really helped me and I decided to leave it alone. When you look at the people who are still here posting it is just the same people doing the same things over and over, year upon year, myself included. I know the score; keep trying don’t give up it will eventually work. It has worked for many I, cant argue that fact and well done to you all. But I think theres many many more that it hasn’t worked for. And to be honest I wonder if it ever will. Maybe some of us or just doomed to a life of utter misery because we were wicked in a previous life, mind you I’ve been disgustingly wicked in this one…and the one before my coma…not looking forward to the next one.

    • #27865
      charles
      중재자

      Hi Geordie,

      I’m sorry to hear of your current situation. Sorry too to hear of your health issues but extremely pleased and relieved that you found your way out of that coma.

      I will ask you the same question that Ii ask others who “……….do the same thing over and over…….”

      What can you do differently this time? What barriers can you put in place? What addictional/different support can you use? GA? Counselling? Residential?

      You will have picked up many recovery tools over the years Geordie, which ones aren’t you currently using?

      Keep posting, maybe see you in a group here soon as well.

    • #27866
      p
      참가자

      im in the same mindset too, exactly though i have stopped gambling i am questioning if i will ever stay stopped for good. but in saying that I’m still coming here still going to GA still going to counselling.. i guess we will never know if we don’t keep at it, what is the alternative i guess, keep gambling or keep trying recovery, you did have some great gamble free periods too so did i but i get where your thinking is at, mine too.. but stick around anyway

      P

    • #27867
      icandothis
      참가자

      Hey, Geordie
      OMG, I am so glad you fought your way out of that coma!
      Your posts have impacted me more than any others. Mostly, because of their challenging nature. lol
      First, way, way back when, I said I didn’t want to stop gambling . You said something of the nature of…I hope some day you will want to give recovery a try.
      Then, when I was giving recovery a try, you said, “Do you really call this recovery?” You said this because I had just gambled. I was devastated because I really was working on recovery. To me, recovery meant more than not gambling. But, you made me think good and hard about what recovery meant to me. What it looked like to me.
      Bare with me, this is not a post about kicking someone when he is down.
      Last year, exactly about this time. I went on a women’s gambling weekend. You spoke of old-timers like me giving advice to new comers about barriers, etc. and then making the same mistakes. You were wrong in that I never did give advice. None, except don’t give up trying.
      Then, on that same post, you asked me, “Do you really want to go through your whole life like this?”
      This really got my juices flowing. lol I thought, yes, I do want to be able to go out once a year with my girlfriends and gamble.
      But, each day, I started my journal with that question. I began to look at it from a broader perspective. Then, the question began to change from, “Do you really want to go through your whole life like this?” to “How do you want to go through your life”? I began to ask how I wanted my life to be, to look like. The question shifted from what i didn’t want to do to what i did want to do.
      You talk about the same people doing the same things over and over again, year upon year. The people it hasn’t worked for. Is that because we have gambled, we are not entirely gamble free? I prefer to look at all the times we haven’t gambled.
      I gambled in 2015. And, as like many other areas of my life, this is not perfect. But, 2015 was better than many others. Gambling was a part of it, but it didn’t win, it didn’t take control. I came back fighting.
      We aren’t just the same people doing the same old thing, making the same old mistakes. We are people who keep coming back. Why do we come back? Because we believe our lives are worth fighting for, even if those lives are not perfect.
      You believe your life is worth fighting for, too! You said you had to fight your way out of that coma. You did it, Geordie. You are alive! You had to fight for your life.
      That’s what we are all doing here, Geordie. Come back and join us. Yours, like ours, is a life worth fighting for!

    • #27868
      익명
      손님

      Really really great posts, thanks to you all.

    • #27869
      vera
      참가자

      You’ve had a rough run, Geordie.
      Life is not easy. There is only one thing worse than having no hope and that’s having false hope.
      That’s what gambling gives us. False hope and when we confuse that with real hope we end up thinking we have NO hope. And it all ends up in one big muddle.
      Hope is scary, Geordie because if we admit to having hope we have to shape up and face life.
      Despair holds us back from hoping for better things.
      Have you spoken to anyone about the feelings of despair?
      You know that talking helps G.
      Give it another shot.
      You were missed here on GT.
      Glad to see you back.

    • #27870
      lizbeth4
      참가자

      Hi Geordie. Thank goodness that you came out of the coma! Wow, that must of been scary. There is a reason that you are still here. Geordie, you have been so supportive of others here including me. Now, you need to lean on us a little and let us support you. We keep coming back because we are not ready to give up on ourselves. We all have something to give to the world. Stay here and keep posting. It will get better!

    • #27871
      익명
      손님

      I mean you are all right in what you say in the posts above. Not “you’re all right Vera” (Which of course you are !).

      I’m just absoloutly drained with it all. I could go back to my old job from Tuesday, I had to have 3 months off after operation. The thing is my partner who I worked with has been working with someone else when I’ve been off and dosn’t want to come back to work with me..so unless I can find a qualified driver by tomorrow I cant go back next week.

      I’ve just been paid, i have got £199 in the bank..tomorrow I have to pay a £80 phone bill or I will be cut off, that includes internet. Last week I told my landlord I would give him £250. I have no clean clothes, launderette is £20ish. And to top it off I only have 4 days in work this week so next week I will get about the same amount. So my debts are mounting, I suppose not mounting to the extents they would be if I were gambling…(Every cloud has a silver lining).

      I really need to buy some food as well. I hit a low point today I didnt even have 20p to blow my very flat tyre up….I’ve got twelve weeks of living like this to get out the money situation I’m in. If I had my old job back I could live a lot better and be out the doo dar within 3 weeks.

      My mam stopped in a hotel for 3 weeks whilst I was in hospital, it was my mams voice that brought me out the coma….she is poorly I borrowed money from her at christmas I cant even go and visit her, I knew that this would have been a possible outcome before I gambled, I still went. What does that make me…it makes me a right selfish so-and-so.

      The hope is hard to accept for me at the minute, what ever will be will be, hoping for something is as useful as worrying about something. Futile really, dosn’t change things.

      Hope keeps some people ticking, not me I’m afraid. I think hope can lead to disappointment. Acceptance is the key I think. I find it hard to accept that I went back to gambling, but I did.

      I dont think its going to be a struggle with gambling tomorrow but my landlord is going to be a hard obstacle to negotiate. I will have to give him a weeks rent £100…I am £400 in arrears.

      I have accrued nearly £2000 of debt in this last escapade, in monetary terms far from my biggest loss, but in terms of everything else the biggest loss ever.

      One good thing I suppose this time last week I would have been away to the casino.

      Dont know if I’ll be back any time soon..I need my phone and internet for work and speaking to mam and daughter. But I have no clean clothes. I have no food in the cupboards and I’m going to need petrol.

      I’m in the position I’m sure you all know well. You dont want to gamble but all other avenues to funds are firmly closed. I’m going to end up with one of three things; phone, clean clothes and petrol, or food for the week. Thats for doing the right thing and not gambling. Gambling isnt appealling ..I would more than likely end up homeless…theres a good chance of that anyway though. so what have I got to lose by gambling?? A lot I know, but it dosnt seem like it to me at the minute.

    • #27872
      익명
      손님

      I know it will Liz I know its a long haul too.

      I’m usually straight onto peoples cases when they’ve gone back to gambling, I believe that none of us ever have to. Feeling like I do now just re-iterates to me what I think when I’m posting at those times…in one ear, and out the other, lol…but a lot of what you and the others have said has penetrated my thick head somewhere or other, so thanks to you all for your kind words.

    • #27873
      kathryn
      참가자

      Omg Geordie,
      I don’t even know where to start!
      Actually I do….. After reading the above posts I am so so so so so happy you made it through! I know what you’re thinking ( I think?)….. So effing what?
      Well, my friend the only way is up! Yep, you’ve gotten yourself in some strife, life is pretty crappy, I’m not even going to go into my usual spiel…
      I know a lot….. A LOT of people go through a depression after a major op, i don’t know why, but I can’t imagine being told I was dead and feeling terrific! I know for me, I always get a shock when someone dies, like its never going to happen, David Bowie comes to mind, I was FLOORED! l didn’t know the man from a bar of soap! We aren’t invincible . It’s the cold hard truth .
      No wonder you feel like crud! How absolutely frightening!
      Geordie you are alive! Breathing! And you know what? You are my friend. I have been absent for too long, detached from everything, not just this forum, my personal life is pretty sh#t right now. And I’m not helping matters. The only step I’ve taken is to come back here. Yep, it might be the same stuff different day, but it’s my stuff and my day lol!
      I just really want to say, after all that babble, that no matter what, I am always here for you, I want everything good in this world for you, I am so grateful that you are alive!
      It might now seem much right now, but I’m giving every positive thought to you. I know you will. Be ok because we keep fighting, trying, hoping and believing.
      I believe in you Geordie, love K xx

    • #27874
      p
      참가자

      Hey Geordie

      I so relate to you i always have and thank god you are here to tell the tale. Geordie we have fallen down so many times but we keep getting back up. Even though i feel over it, i think its a good thing as today i started looking at it differently again.
      So we have had to start over a LOT, maybe more than some others. But, we could be out there all the time, we could never try and where would we be. Maybe this is our journey Geordie and we need to just keep trying if its 10 times or 100 i guess we don’t know if the 30th time we fall we may get back up for good.. i started looking at it is better to still try despite whats happened, despite what could come. Its better than giving in to gambling and letting it win and control..
      All the best to you geordie, keep posting , so miss your posts.. lovely to see you again here.
      Thank god you are ok.. we miss you 🙂

      P

    • #27875
      익명
      손님

      Thanks for your thoughts and posts.

      Thankfully I didnt gamble on payday, my landlord wasn’t too pleased that I only gave him a weeks rent and wants his £400 arrears by the end of the month. I paid half of my phone bill and now have £12 to last me til this Friday. I will get paid about £280 this week but I am going to have to borrow money to get to work.

      I was told by my previous employer that I would have to wait 3 months from my illness before they would be able to let me return. Once I’m back to that job things will be a lot easier for me financially, however I went in to see them on Friday to sort the formalities out and was told that I now have to wait another 3 months before returning. No reason given.

      I have sent an email asking for them to reconsider or at least give me a reason, but I think its futile.

      Sad to say but I’ve been happier and more content during my five prison sentances, than I feel at the moment.

      I wasn’t at all tempted to gamble on Friday, whoopy do!

    • #27876
      p
      참가자

      Hang in there my friend
      The good thing is you are here posting you paid a weeks rent, you could have been out there creating more havoc, that is still progress in the right direction. i get down about recovery, i say it how it is too, but right now you are going forwards it might be slowly but your recovery is starting again. Just as our gambling starts again so can recovery. I think you are doing great to have not gambled on pay day. Give it time it will start to get better again. Things always improve again as time goes on. I know i don’t seem like a great example, I’ve relapsed so many times but i do know that if i continue to get up there is hope. If i stay out there there is none. We still have the chance and opportunity to recover, take that chance Geordie with both hands.. would you come to group again one day to chat?

      P

    • #27877
      익명
      손님

      I did pop into one of Charles’ groups about 5 mins after you posted to see if you were there. Thanks for posting hopefully might see you in a group this week.

    • #27878
      익명
      손님

      Well two weeks have passed since I started recovery again, again. I think that this time I am suffering more than I ever have.

      The hunger pains are turning into cramps sometimes, three out of the four lots of tablets I now take since coming out of hospital, need to be taken with food!

      I rang the local foodbank last week hoping they could give me something, but they told me I need to be referred to them!

      I have been paid twice in the last two weeks both times not getting paid enough to cover my bills. This week I have to pay the remainder of my phone bill, £45 and I’m £56 overdrawn in the bank so thats the first £100 of my £350 wages gone. My landlord has said I can pay my arrears at £50 a week so for the next seven weeks my rent will be £150. And the advance I got from work is being deducted from my wages at £50 a week. 8 weeks to go.

      I am wearing clothes to work now that have been in the laundry since before Christmas.

      This is a long haul painful struggle, and to be honest I just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.

    • #27879
      vera
      참가자

      Awful, isn’t it Geordie!
      The “rescuer” in me wants to send you money , food , clothes etc but all I can send is a few words.
      Luckily, your immediate debts are all in two and three figures. You wont take too long to pay them off. Can you go to the Social Welfare for a food voucher? Ever hear of St Vincent de Paul? It’s a Charity. Google it. They give food parcels to needy people. I know pride will hold you back G. Nobody wants to be needy. Nobody wants to be a CG either but when we know the outcome , there really is no excuse.
      Would your GP refer you to that Food Bank?
      I knew someone who used go into a restaurant. Eat as much as possible, then complain loudly about the food and refuse to pay.
      I think I’d rather eat grass than do that.
      Can you get a loan anywhere?
      Having even a few hundred would relieve your immediate plight and give you hope.
      There always IS hope Geordie. And a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s just that you can’t see it
      Y E T !
      Well done on two weeks “recovery”, even though it doesn’t seem like it right now.
      Stay in touch.

    • #27880
      finding_laura
      참가자

      sorry to hear of your plight Geordie, no one should ever have to go hungry. It’s hard when we’ve burnt all our bridges as well when it comes to asking people we know for a loan too. It truly is an insanity this gambling addiction and where we go with it. I hope you are able to get some help Geordie. Reach out to your support systems. Take care

    • #27881
      monique
      참가자

      You are really going through it just now, Geordie. I do feel for you. I hope you can get some help with the basics of life very soon and that you find the strength to cope generally and to stick with recovery.
      Best wishes,
      Monique

    • #27882
      p
      참가자

      Please don’t give up. Its wonderful you have gone Two weeks. Two weeks is better than no days at all, and you know you can do this right. You have done it before for long periods and had you not done those imagine you would be in a lot deeper than you are now. Time will get you through this Geordie, just for this day don’t gamble and today maybe can you see a friend or someone and get a meal at least. Your had may say i can win all this money but you know what will happen, its never different, even if you won it would be gone. Its the same cycle over and over and I’m saying that because as you know I’ve done the same. over and over and over.. I’ve had down times, hard times, rock bottoms, been totally insane, broke and desperate. It always always improves when i stop gambling but it takes time. It takes getting through this day only and fixing what you can today.
      Keep going Geordie, it gives me hope too if you stay round. We can do this, both of us can do it Geordie, even though we fall time and time again, we can get up time and time again and who knows if next time or the time after, we may never fall again? Keep going, i have you in my thoughts and i am wishing you well and to stay in recovery. Hang on my friends and try to get to chat group again

      P

    • #27883
      익명
      손님

      Time is a great healer, we all know that to be true.

      At the moment I’m delivering freshly baked bread and cakes into supermarkets overnight. Its torturous arriving for work, you can imagine how it all smells, and with my rumbling belly it is pure purgatory at times. As you know on my gambling plagued journey through life I’ve stolen things when I’ve felt the need to feed my addiction. I have over the last two weeks lived on “spare “muffins,cookies, croissants and the occasional loaf. I’m not at all proud of that and know I jeopardise my job each time I help myself, but its a better option than risking my liberty, and my life by gambling. I suppose this time I’ve stolen to feed myself and not the addiction.

      I should be able to buy a small amount of food this Friday and that’ll put an end to that.

      There is absolutely no one I can get a loan from Vera, but I think this suffering will be my salvation to be honest. I owe all my mates money £20’s and £30’s I suppose with a bit of pleading I could probably borrow a little bit more , but thats only going to increase my immediate debt and prolong my suffering. Its only 4 days til payday again, I will manage. Man can not live on bread alone I know, but throw in the occasional blueberry muffin and it is possible.

      Thanks all for the support and sincere posts.

      Geordie.

    • #27884
      monique
      참가자

      I hope this won’t sound superficial, but when I read about your deliveries, it made me think about the amount of real waste there is in the food industry – good food actually discarded by supermarkets and restaurants. Any chance you could get hold of some of that? Anyway, as you say, you should be in a better position by the end of the week and this experience might make you more than ever determined to stay away from gambling.
      Monique

    • #27885
      vera
      참가자

      Why not get in line with some of those “refugees” Geordie, and you’ll be fed like a king…
      (Now that is below the belt, but I do believe charity begins at home.)
      Don’t torture yourself G. Enjoy the few stray buns. And anything else that “falls off the tray”! When I was working I saw catering staff scrape unused food into the bin . In their stupidity they felt they had to keep the “health and safety” rules . Nurses on duty until half 8 would have given our eye teeth for a sausage/bacon sandwich at the 6pm tea break but some high handed law maker prevented that and insisted all unused food should be binned within ten minutes . Sinful waste, in my book! They don’t even give it for pig swill any more !! “Against EEC Rules” Such BULL!!!Sometimes we need to think outside the box Geordie.
      When people put a rope around their neck (God forbid) in desperation all the “do gooders “come up with great notions.
      Pity they don’t remember the parable of the Prodigal son in time!
      You ‘ll be grand Geordie.
      We will share a roast beef dinner in Dublin when the mayhem passes!

    • #27886
      charles
      중재자

      Hi Geordie,

      Did the foodbank say who needed to refer you to them? You could then contact them.

      The current crisis will pass, you will get money again, you will sort out the finances.

      What you do then, when you do have money, is far more important for your future than what you do now when things are tight.

    • #27887
      p
      참가자

      Thinking of you… please put plans in place for when you next get money. You will get through this, protect yourself from yourself. Plan ahead

      P

    • #27888
      익명
      손님

      To cut a long story short. My ex-landlord rang today to say he some mail of mine, I went to collect it and he reminded me I had just had a shopping delivery the day before I went in to hospital so a very welcome and pleasant surprise. I now have a freezer full of nice things and a cupboard full of tins and condiments!! Lamb shanks, beef joints, My mother had told him to give it all to the foodbank because they couldn’t carry it all back to Newcastle….there’s enough there to last me at least two weeks..oh happy day.Als today my old employer emailed to say I could return on March 1st but I would need to come as a two man team, so I’ll have to recruit somebody if I do go back. Its not as straight forward as that but I havnt time to elaborate. Aswell as that I have a good chance of another job which is my ideal job really. Driving a 7.5 tonne night trunk. driving 80 or 90 miles up the motorway and back twice a night 5 nights a week. Apart from the food nothing concrete yet but I do feel a bit more positive.

      Anyway time for bed need to leave at 3am, am starting at 4 again tomorrow, then off til Sunday. Only four days again this week..the food is a blessing in disguise I think. And the landlord has said if he hasnt a new tennant by March I can have the flat back if its within my budget…….Imagine that..be good though.

      What a difference a day makes…plans in place p..thanks.

    • #27889
      monique
      참가자

      Glad to hear you have had some good news and some lovely food!!
      Monique

    • #27890
      lizbeth4
      참가자

      Geordie, I am happy that you are feeling more positive and plans are back in place. Take care!

    • #27891
      p
      참가자

      I am so pleased to read that post. Wonderful new, things are looking up a bit, its true, a difference a day can make. These situations are never permanent, they are temporary and there is always change sooner or later.
      Happy you have all that food. Great to see you here, keep posting.

      P

    • #27892
      maverick.
      참가자

      Geordie its strange how things work out at times isnt it! And in truth I am sure it all happens for good reason, always good to read your posts and see you around, I hope you are doing ok my friend, keep fighting and I hope your life is getting better and heading in the right direction, wish you well and take care.

      Maverick

    • #27893
      vera
      참가자

      How are things, Geordie?
      Thinking of you . Give us an update when you get a chance.

    • #27894
      익명
      손님

      I’m back to my old job tomorrow on a full time basis, although I have my last shift at the bakery on Saturday morning.

      Throughout February the work at the bakery died off most weeks since the end of January I’ve only had two or three days, twice one day’s work and once no work at all.

      My financial position hasn’t improved that much but in only two or three weeks’ time I should be in the position where 100% of my wages belongs to me. Although that’s only until Ive gotten myself back on a debt recovery programme, my unsecured debts total between £20 and £30K I also have four years of income tax, national insurance and possibly corporation tax to pay. I phoned the tax people anonymously yesterday and confessed to not paying for four years the lady was very nice and said that they would not prosecute me but I obviously would have to pay what’s due so I now have to prepare four years of accounts.. I have had a good income and reckon I must owe them in excess of £20 000 as well. But my hospital treatment would probably of cost a lot more than that and I do feel guilty that I hadn’t contributed to the system. They gave me a second chance at life, I was for all intents and purposes dead for 45 minutes and comatose for more than a week. Here I am six months later going back to a heavy job the least I can do is pay my dues.

      Recovery wise I still get ongoing support from some fantastic friends who have helped me out greatly since I came to my senses about gambling in January, some with financial help but much more helpful than that the ones with the listening ears. Some CGs some not…all letting me vent my problems and then helping me to see a practical solution.

      The day I came here and posted, January 10th I had borrowed £500 from the agency that engages me at the bakery….this week I make my final payment I obviously couldn’t pay on the weeks I had no work. It has really been difficult managing my money..I still have £250 rent arrears and in total I owe mates approx. £300. All patient people though. I have had a few setbacks in the last few months the biggest being running out of petrol and having my car towed away to the pound. I had to abandon it to go and find some petrol money!! It cost over £300 to get it back. Reluctantly my friend paid most of it obviously I had to pay him back. I already owed him money at the time, I’ve paid him what I could when I could and currently I owe him £90. My laundry pile is as big as its ever been and I keep tripping over my hair it’s that long. The bakery agency are going to pay me £100 of my wages today as I need some new boots and tools for new job, if there’s any left over it will pay for a haircut, and hopefully a service wash at launderette.

      Today I feel positive and optimistic and dare I say hopeful. Today is a day I wouldn’t have imagined possible in January. Today I feel glad to be alive, I think for the first time since my coma. A life without gambling, can be anything I want it to be with a bit of hard work.

      I’ve had three months of absolute torture since I last gambled. It’s been worse than any prison sentence I’ve ever served. We all know how pathetic it is for us to gamble. But yet if we slip back to it all is forgotten we usually behave as if we had never stopped. We create bigger messes, bigger problems, we totally disregard those who have helped us and those that love us. We do behave selfishly at the least and darn right arrogantly callous at our worst. I hope the addiction never darkens my door ever again and just by pledging to myself each day that I won’t gamble I give myself a moment of clarity, a moment of sanity to reflect on the 3 months I’ve just had climbing to where I am now; at least a coule of steps from rock bottom.

      There is hope for each and every one of us.

      Take care……Geordie.

    • #27895
      익명
      손님

      Such are the ups and downs of life no work tomorrow. I hope its not a sign of things to come. I’ve always worked as a full crew, which means I work with another driver and as such we can work a long day. I am returning as a porter crew, me and a porter, like a drivers mate. Which means driving time and working hours are significantly shorter than those of a full crew. They have enough porter crews for tomorrow. I’ll do my shopping then instead.

      Another setback to take in my stride.

    • #27896
      lizbeth4
      참가자

      Hi Geordie. It was good to see your post. You have made a lot of progress and should be very proud of yourself! Sometimes I feel like I’m being tested. When you feel like you are being pulled finacially or emotionally, something else happens to make it worse. Maybe it just makes us stronger. I hope your work situation improves. You are doing well. I wish you all the best. You are worth a great, peaceful, life. Gambling isn’t worth it!

    • #27897
      p
      참가자

      Im so glad to see you posting here again.. im really selfish i realise this i want everyone to post yet i stop posting for months at a time sometimes..
      So good to see you again here and wishing you a better week this week to come

      P

    • #27898
      익명
      손님

      Its 05.30 just been to work just to find out I’m not required again. I was hopeful at the start of this week that I would have 3 days at the bakery, including a bank holiday, and three at my old job. The wage from this week would have finally seen off the financial backlash of my final gambling binge, but it hasn’t happened. Its possible I’ll get work on Sunday at my old job and am at the bakery Saturday morning. But if not it means next week my pay won’t cover my outgoings yet again.

      Today I’ve been paid £360 and I still have the £100 from Wednesday, if I am to pay all I should today I will be left with £30 to see me through until next week. It’s sickening in a way, but at the same time I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My laundry is top of the list, my rent then a haircut, one mate needs his £75 today another needs his £60..no negotiating there. As sickening as it is, it is a consequence of my gambling I am in this position I’ve been sitting staring the consequences of my gambling right in the eyes for three months. It hasn’t and isn’t a daily battle with gambling urges for me, the life I’ve ended up creating for myself is a battle in itself, a bloody hard one.

      Of course it’s easy to have a strong resolve against gambling when you have no money. I’m sure every CG has been in the position of having no money, for days, weeks or months. Then one day from somewhere some money arrives and all of a sudden. Whoosh!. Your mind-set completely changes, gambling from nowhere becomes the order of the day. It owes you. It’s your top priority. Why? Why does that happen, I know it’s not unique to me. Thankfully that is not how I feel today, but I think I know why I’ve ended up like that in the past. I used to harbour the desire deep inside of me, during the dark days of depression paying for the previous binge I might day dream about gambling and how the winnings would get me out of the shite. If I knew the money was due I’d have sleepless nights, butterflies, for want of a better word I’d be gagging for it.

      During the last three months I’ve never spent one second thinking of gambling, obviously well aware of what had put me in the position I was in, but not fantasising or looking forward to my next try. I’ve plodded on, had one setback after another. Today’s situation with work the latest on a long list. I’ve dealt with the setbacks by employing a tactic which has always worked for me, talking, getting it off my chest. It’s hard to do at first but it helps a lot. I don’t think a gambling binge starts the moment you bet your first penny, I think it starts long before. The desire just simmers away then with each gambling thought the desire grows and grows instead of simmering it’s now boiling away. I try my best not to let things get on top of me, sometimes they do and that’s when I find it hard to talk….but that’s where I force myself to do just that and when I’ve finished talking I never want to think about gambling. From past experience I know gambling thoughts would materialise if I were to keep things to myself and bottle things up.

      Don’t know whether to go back to bed or not. My one set of bedding is having a trip to laundrette at 8am, if I can prise it off.

      Geordie.

    • #27899
      익명
      손님

      It’s not you’re right. But its always nice to hear from you.

    • #27900
      익명
      손님

      Im quite the same p. For me I think I’m writing the same things that I have done many times either on my own thread and on others’. Sometimes I just get on with life I do frequently read, and what I read is also the same things I’ve read many times. Its good for new people that there are many here to help and support. I suppose I’ve turned a bit selfish when it comes to the forum, at one time I had to post my thoughts now I get the same benefit from occasionally reading and posting. I notice your absences and at one time I’d immediately suppose you were away gambling again (sorry, wrong to judge I know) these days I don’t. I know that I can go months and months without posting and without gambling. Although as you know as long as your capable of that just for today, you’re on top of this addiction. And although its just for today that’s all it ever needs to be.

    • #27901
      p
      참가자

      hey how you going Geordie, just wondering how you are doing today.. whats happening with work and how your mam is.. hope all good for you Geordie

      P

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