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    • #165965
      notyoung56
      참가자

      So many regrets that I cannot change.
      I wished that I didn’t place my first bet.

      I need to continue journaling
      otherwise, it is very easy for me to turn negative, depress and suicidal.

      I need to start from the bottom.

    • #166123
      Dunc
      키 마스터

      Here at Gordon Moody Global we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
      Take care
      Gordon Moody Global Team Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #166658
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Life in recovery for me was like a broken or imperfect ship sailing in the rough ocean. I lack what I need but I never stop, I keep moving…I was worried about how I could service all my financial commitments for the rest of the year.

      I am grateful that I have one more month to complete this year. I did not know how I did it, I have been doing this for 17 years (from year 2005 to 2022). Guess this is what they call a journey.

    • #166303
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I spend some quiet at a recovery center today, it helps me firstly to realize that the only thing which can help me now is to focus on working in the present. Secondly, it may or may not be my calling; my last job and present job was in the healthcare industry. I love what I am doing now, unfortunately my last day at work will be 26 Nov 2022.

      I never work in the healthcare industry because I would feel very stressed serving in nursery or old folk home. When I was ready, the Higher Power placed me in the healthcare industry, and I was able to use my strength, my compassion and patient, my voice and tone to serve them over the phone. I wish to be able to continue in this area.

    • #166457
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Now I can understand how the others in recovery feel
      when they are not the first to be hired but the first let go in any company.

      This is a common event or reality for me after I have aged.
      When I was young, this was considered a heavy blow, set back, failure and unfortunate event.

      Life does not come to a standstill after each relapse, it keeps moving.
      It was never about how many battles that was lost in a war.
      It was about who wins the war in the end.

      It was never about how many buses I have change along the way
      It was about where I have ended up in the end

      Ukraine keeps believing and keep fighting…
      To all the warriors in here, keep believing and keep fighting

    • #166727
      notyoung56
      참가자

      GAMBLER ‘S AWARENESS SPACE

      Relapse pattern theory is a way of explaining why people relapse.

      Relapse is random, it is either planned or opportunistic.

      According to the theory, it happens when the activity space of gambling intersects with the activity space of the gambler.

      A gambler’s activity space consists of locations in everyday life, for example home, work, school, shopping areas, entertainment areas etc. These personal locations are also called nodes.

      The course or route a gambler takes to and from these nodes are called personal paths.

      Personal paths connect with various nodes creating a perimeter. This perimeter is a person’s awareness space.

      Gambling pattern theory claims that a gamble involving a gambler and a casino can only occur when the activity spaces of both cross paths.

      Simply put gambling will occur if an area provides the opportunity for gambling and it exists within a gambler’s awareness space

      So, a space that offer gambling activities; casino, lottery shop, slot machine clubhouse or pub, sport betting house, turf club, a smartphone that provide internet access to gambling site and gambling advertisements and news, an off day or after working hours or free time that provide the free time to gamble, access to cash; saving and payday that provide the money to gamble has a higher rate of gambling,

      Therefore, an addict pattern theory provides analysts with an organized way to explore patterns of behavior.

      Space awareness refers to being aware of my surroundings and my position relative to them.

      It’s important to know:

      Where is the danger?
      How far is the danger?
      Am I in danger?
      How to keep my safety perimeter secure?
      How to flee from danger?
      When to walk away from danger?

      What is my role and responsibility to keep myself safe?

    • #166728
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I will continue to journal about all my relapse and my recovery – my gambling and non-gambling days, good and bad event that happen in my life.

      I used to focus on my half empty glass; I focus on my half full glass now.

      There are many disappointments in my life but there are beautiful moments.

      There are many things I did not do but there are some things I did that I should be proud of.

      Despite my limitation, weakness, and mistakes – I can be helpful and useful in my small little ways.

      Despite everything that has happen in this life; in the past and now – I have travel far.

      I need to focus on the positive things in life and keep moving while the negative things continue to happen to me.

      This is life, this is my story.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 2 년 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #166808
      notyoung56
      참가자

      What is my thought a second ago

      I have fallen off my bike many times
      I get back up and continue moving forward

      I may fall off my bike again,
      I cannot allow it to stop me from trying

      So many setbacks, so many disappointments, so many relapses
      I took one baby step forward at a time
      days become week, weeks become month, months become year
      After so many years, I have travelled from this end to that end

      My story was never about how many times I have fallen down
      It was always about how many times I have get back up the hard way
      sound like the snake and ladder game I played when I was young

      It was about not giving up
      The only thing I can do is pray and do my best

      I believe one day the impossible will become possible
      as long as I do not give up, I will finish the snake and ladder game

    • #166909
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I only found employment for 3 months on one job and 4 months on the current one.
      I was unemployed for 4 months and the current is terminating my service this month.

      I need to quickly find something for December.
      One more month and I completed this year.
      It was exactly what I wanted. I cannot ask for more.
      I was grateful for the half full glass.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 2 년 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #166933
      notyoung56
      참가자

      What did I learn in my suffering?
      What did I learn from my mistakes?
      How and where can I change?
      How do I find peace in everything?
      How do I find happiness in my suffering and mistakes?
      How does mindfulness help me?

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 2 년 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #166968
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I continue to suffer because I did not know my problem and I did not know how to seek help.
      Recently I can recognize and see myself in the many patients that I was serving

      Many are not depressed but they are different and not normal
      Why are they so restless, irate, and easily agitated
      Why are they discontented and frustrated
      I look at their medical history and they are all seeking help for anxiety

      I am no different from these people, I am very sure I suffer from anxiety disorder.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 2 년 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #167142
      notyoung56
      참가자

      What is my role and responsibility?
      Gambling did not happen by accident. It was an opportunity, it was planned.

      What is my role and responsibility to keep myself safe?

      I refer to this previous post.

      An addict pattern theory provides analysts with an organized way to explore patterns of behavior.

      Space awareness refers to being aware of my surroundings and my position relative to them.

      It was important to know:

      Where is the danger?
      Yesterday I had access to incoming cash

      How far is the danger?
      Danger was very near

      Am I in danger?
      Yes – I had space awareness. I can sense the presence of danger.

      How to keep my safety perimeter secure?
      I remove the easy access to cash

      How to flee from danger?
      I walk away from any nearby gambling premise.
      I keep my time occupied and busy.
      I have no access to excess cash.

      When to walk away from danger?
      Immediately

      Dealing with stress from physical, mental and emotional health issues, work and money issues, lack of sleep, loss of loved ones, relationship or living problem is a different subject. There are cognitive behavioral therapy, self-management and recovery training, 12 steps recovery program, mindfulness exercise, spiritual, religious programs to help.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 12 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #167144
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I should have named my thread “Living in the Wilderness for 40 years”

    • #167148
      notyoung56
      참가자

      gambling not only made me lose my money
      gambling steals my inner joy
      gambling robs my inner peace
      gambling kills my relationship with my God, family and friends
      gambling destroys my recovery

      If I knew the thief is coming to my house
      I will stay up and wait for the enemy
      I will remain vigilant and guard against the thief
      I will protect my house or my recovery

    • #167153
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Today I was in deep thought after reading something. It reminded me of recovery.

      The Command to Leave Horeb

      Deuteronomy 1-2
      1 These are the words that Moses spoke to all Israel beyond the Jordan in the wilderness, in the Arabah opposite Suph, between Paran and Tophel, Laban, Hazeroth, and Dizahab. 2 It is eleven days’ journey from Horeb by the way of Mount Seir to Kadesh-barnea.

      Why did it take the Israelites 40 years to make an 11day journey?

      “The 40 years Wilderness wandering” refers to the plight of the Israelites due to their disobedience and unbelief in God.

      The Israelites had seen the powerful hand of God at work during the plagues and miracles of the Exodus. Yet, like many people, they walked by sight and not by faith, and their unbelief displeased God.

      “Without faith it is impossible to please God” (Hebrews 11:6). Their failure to believe in God’s word kept them from entering the Promised Land.

      Their lack of belief in God’s word and promises brought forth the wrath of God. He cursed them with forty years of wilderness wandering walking around in circles.

      In Deuteronomy 2:3 NIV
      Then the LORD said to me, 3 “You have made your way around this hill country long enough; now turn north.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 12 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #167173
      notyoung56
      참가자

      spatial relate to or occupying space

      I woke up and my mind knew I have free time, I started to look at my available cash and available gambling events. My mind saw an opportunity to gamble and was making plan. It all started with free time. I did not struggle for too long. I did not follow my mind. I fill up the time listening to music and songs and the free time was gone immediately.

      “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

    • #167174
      notyoung56
      참가자

      How many signs am I going to ignore?
      Am I going to walk around in circle and perish in the wilderness?

      True repentance is the softening of my heart.
      I need to be broken completely,
      my thought, my stubbornness, my pride needed to be crushed
      before I can be mold into something new.

      I need to trust the potter’s hand.

    • #167184
      notyoung56
      참가자

      My eczema is causing me stress today
      There is no need for me to panic
      It will go away after a few days

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 12 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #167544
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I have prepared for my last day at work after 4 months and when it come, I still felt sad, it still took me 2 days of good rest before I can write about this loss. The weather is cool and wet, unfortunately this change triggered my eczema and put me in a vulnerable position, I become weak and disturb.

      It is easier said than done, I should pray and read more, I should practice the program, at this moment, I am struggling to do the same thing that has kept me safe.

      As long as I am working, I can be the provider at home and be the good pay master to the bank.
      I do not have this problem when I was young but now, I struggle to hold on to any job
      I can only do my best and when I lose a job, I need to quickly get a new one.
      It has work but it was a struggle.

      It was not a common route taken by others.
      Imagine if I want to stay employed for 40 months and I can only hold each job for 4 months
      I must be prepared to do 10 different jobs to keep my recovery going.
      I have no time to feel disappointed, depressed, sink into self-pity, self-beating and do nothing
      I must immediately put my next baby step forward each time.
      This is the resilience, perseverance and positiveness strength that a survivor must developed inside.

    • #167688
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I am meeting this gentleman I met in 2013 for coffee later. The last time we have met, and talk was in March 2022.

      My life has improved ever since 2013. I was heavily in debt, unemployed, and I was chased by many money lenders, I was very stressed. My mum was diagnosed with cancer and hospitalized at that time, and I could not take care of her and my family. It was a very painful time for me, I was very sad, depress, and beating myself.

      I am still heavily in debt, and unemployed now, I was stressed but it was much more stressful in the past. I could not take care of my family on my own, but I have not stop contributing to the family since 2017. It was painful but it was more painful in the past.

      It was a result of my fallenness, my disobedient, and unbelief and I have continued to live in the wilderness for many years. I did not forget about reading a journey that took 40 years, much longer than it was supposed to take.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #167735
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I have tried for 17 years. The financial amendment and repairing of relationship only begin to happen in the last 9 years after I have found a Higher Power because I could not do it with my strength, knowledge and skill.

      I have many dark secrets that sink me and kept me living in guilt until I made amendment to these people. I was freed in the process. Life was not perfect, just when I thought I can work them like a program or plan, I realized that I can never finish everything on my amendment list. I have to live with my imperfection, limitation, weakness and struggles for life.

      Taking inventory helps me to see the progress made in the middle of all my failures, setback, struggles. It was not a hopeless end.

      I did not stay gamble free all the time due to my fallenness, I can fail, and I was fallible. I no longer beat myself up like I always used to do. I have learned to pick myself up and try again. I put in the effort. I soon found myself walking on another street for 6 consecutive months this year before I drifted back to the same street. The longest I have stay gamble free was 12 consecutive months in a year… over the last 17 years.

      I choose to focus on my half full glass and be grateful now. I do not stay in self- pity and self-beating as a result of my half empty glass. Success in some area has given me endless hope but it does not change the fact that I have my limitation, weakness and imperfections. I need to have a realistic expectation of what I can and cannot do.

      I have to live with the thorn in my flesh and Thank God for the mercy and grace. I was walking in the wilderness because I was not ready, I did not learn my lessons, I remained disobedient and did not trust God completely due to my unbelief. The years in the wilderness help me to learn many lessons and prepare me for the good days ahead.

      I continue to do things not pleasing to God. I was attracted to sin.
      Help me Jesus, help me to follow You like a sheep follow the Sheperd,
      You are my Saviour, You are my Lord
      Help me Jesus, I pray in the name of the Holy Father, Holy son, Holy Spirit. Amen.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #167807
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I really cannot figure out how I stop drinking and slot machines
      they are the reasons I seek help for addiction and the reason that brought me into recovery.
      I keep on slipping and relapsing for many years until one day I was able to stop completely.

      Drinking and slot machine was my biggest problem 17 years ago.
      I need to know how I stop drinking and slot machine completely
      because I need to stop all form of gambling completely.

      Why didn’t I do it again –
      I was afraid
      I cannot win
      I would lose all my money eventually sooner or later
      I would surely lose my mind
      I could not stop after I start, it was progressive, I would completely lose control of myself
      There was no benefit that I can get from drinking and slot machines
      Self-medication with alcohol and slot machine did not work for me
      Almost every attempt made matter worst and I regret every time.
      Alcohol and slot machine turn me into a different person
      Watching myself turn into a sick person was very painful and heart breaking.
      Alcohol and slot machine gave me no hope.

      Why did I struggle to stop all form of gambling completely?
      Why did I gamble?
      It was largely due to my beliefs that
      I can stop gambling at will whether I win or lose before it become progressively uncontrollable.
      I can win money some of the time. I cannot remember the ending of every win was the same all the time, I carry on gambling, and I always lose all the money in the end.
      Gambling gives me hope
      Gambling can give me the money I want.
      Gambling can grow my money.
      Gambling can provide me the money to solve my financial problem.

      I cannot accept the truth that
      Gambling offers me no hope every single time
      Gambling steal and rob all my money so quickly before I realize it every single time
      Gambling destroyed and wipeout all my saving every single time.
      Gambling brings hardship and suffering every single time.
      Gambling caused me to lose my self-confident and trust every single time.
      Gambling was not the solution to my problem.
      Gambling did not solve my financial problem.
      Gambling was the cause of my poverty, borrowing and heavy debt every single time.
      Gambling was the cause of my family misery; I cannot provide and look after them financially every single time.

      No one tell me that gambling, drug, alcohol, and sex can destroy lives and relationship.
      They are evil.

      This is what happen to me.
      I do things that are not pleasing to God.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
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    • #167832
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I cannot remember what gambling has done to me all the time
      I cannot remember the pain, heartache and hardship cause by gambling all the time
      But I can remember the euphoria and high, and the false hope that gambling can give me anytime

      I do not know what happen inside my head
      How do you fix something inside the head

      I seem to remember all the good feeling about gambling
      I had to write about my bad decision and consequences when I chose to gamble

      I had to write about the damage and destruction of gambling
      I had to write about my foolishness, stupidity, recklessness, laziness when I chose danger
      How blind, insensible, uncaring, disinterested and selfish can I be when I chose to gamble
      or do things that harm me and others

      I have also forgotten how journalling has help me
      Journaling helps me remember the disasters
      I need to raise my conscious level
      I need to raise my awareness and mindfulness
      I need to strengthen my protection and defense in the face of temptations and trials
      I need to raise my moral level
      I need to have a stronger ability to tell the right and wrong
      My moral level is low
      I would give in to temptation and trial
      I would give up my fight to do the right thing at that moment
      I need to make the right decision at every moment

      One moment at a time
      Many moments, many decisions need to be made in a day
      I need to have a stronger tolerance, endurance and stamina in the fight to do the right thing

    • #167833
      notyoung56
      참가자

      What am I going to do for the rest of my life
      What are the things I can do

      What is my limitation, weakness and disability in the mind
      I need to focus on the things I can do

    • #167837
      notyoung56
      참가자

      One moment at a time
      I have changed my mind about gambling with the money
      Do the next right thing, I can use the same money to service my next loan payment
      I will regret losing this money in gambling, it will be painful

      One moment at a time
      I have changed my mind about going to a gambling place
      Do the next right thing, I can watch the same sporting event at home
      It was still entertaining and interesting

      One moment at a time
      I have changed my mind about gambling in my free time
      Do the next right thing, I choose to rest at home without the gambling stress
      I have enjoyed the rest

      I succeeded in changing my mind to gamble today
      I did not gamble when I should be gambling

      Thought: I need to gamble today
      Feeling: I want to gamble today
      Action: I did not gamble

      I need to practice and stop myself from gambling more until it become something natural for me to do

      Thought: I should not gamble
      Feeling: I should not be gambling
      Action: I did not gamble

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #167859
      notyoung56
      참가자

      What is the benefit if I did not gamble today

      I will get good rest and good sleep because I am not spending long hours gambling
      I will have money and no stress to service the next loan repayment because I did not risk or lose my money in gambling

    • #167890
      notyoung56
      참가자

      If I am not serious about staying stop
      I will allow myself to slip when there is an opportunity
      I will change my mind when there is an opportunity

    • #167916
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I was introduced to the ideas of my self-will run riot in recovery.

      1. Self-will is my stubborn or willful adherence to my ideas or desires
      2. It is part of human nature
      3. I desire to advance my ambition
      4. I strive to make myself the center of the universe
      5. I carry out my wishes despite conflict of value and idea.
      6. Self-will is selfish, self-centred, and self-seeking
      7. I thought I was doing the right thing when I was wrong
      8. It was wrong but I am an exception, this time is different.

      My self-will gets me into big trouble every time and I do not understand why.

      My self-will ignores doing next right thing or good orderly direction or following God’s will

      My self-will did not want to sacrifice or give up my selfish desires

      My self-will is dangerous and self-destructive. When it takes control of my life, the hole that I was in become deeper and deeper and life become darker and darker.

      I need to practice honesty, humility, compassion, tolerance, and patience whether I like them or not. I need to put interest before self and principles before personalities.

      I relapse because I did not like to do it. I need to give up gambling whether I like it or not

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
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    • #167927
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I was questioning myself –
      Why did I not stop gambling?
      What were my FALSE belief and hope
      What were my LIES?

      Firstly
      I was impatient and discontented financially, it was always not enough
      I could not tolerate and accept my lack of money

      Secondly
      I like gambling
      I did not have to work hard and wait for the money in gambling
      It was easy. It was quick.

      Thirdly
      I was afraid of unemployment and loss of income

      Fourthly
      I was afraid of the hard work and long-suffering working
      I was afraid of the stress from working
      I was afraid of the mental and physical fatigue

      Fifthly
      I feel that gambling was a solution to my unemployment, debt, loss of income and lack of money
      I hope to increase my money quickly

      Lastly
      I did not like to stop gambling because I have hope that I can win in gambling

      I believe my false hope and lies
      I listen to my self-will
      I follow my self-will

    • #167961
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I do not understand why I behave or act this way
      One word describes me now – Unstable

      It means that I am likely to give way.
      I am prone to sudden change of mood or psychiatric problems.
      I am not firm in my decision.
      I am likely to change my mind.
      I am not steady in my action.
      I am likely to fail.

      I am in a mess now

      Someone sends me a good morning message today that says
      Reflection cannot be seen in boiling water. Similarly, Solution cannot be seen with a Disturbed Mind

      I cannot fix myself
      I need professional help

    • #167974
      notyoung56
      참가자

      These words describe what I was going through and how I was feeling before I gamble

      Some type of anxiety disorder

      Anxiety disorder which are excessive, uncontrollable worry about everyday issues such as health, work or finances.

      Panic disorder which are sudden intense episodes of fear, worry and avoiding situations.

      Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) which are unwanted thoughts and impulses (obsessions), causing repetitive, routine behaviors as a way of coping with anxiety.

      What are the symptoms of anxiety disorders?

      One of the main symptoms is having difficulty managing your fears and worries.

      Anxiety may cause you to feel:
      like something bad is about to happen
      like you’re in danger

      Anxiety is the mind and body’s reaction to stressful, dangerous, or unfamiliar situations.

      It’s the sense of uneasiness, distress, or dread I feel before I gamble out of fear, desperation, powerlessness and helplessness.

    • #167976
      notyoung56
      참가자

      As I go thru all the posts since 25/11/2022 in my journal
      It shows the battle that I am facing
      I am fighting mental illness and addiction at the same time
      It is dual diagnosis

    • #167978
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Acute stress response such as Fight, Flight or Freeze is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to Fear, Danger, Harmful Event, Attack, or Threat to survival.

      When I was unwell, I flight from my responsibility, and I fight when there was no real fear, harm, and danger. It has got me into trouble.

      I did all the wrong thing and self-destruct in the process; I destroy my life.
      This was my story.

    • #168128
      notyoung56
      참가자

      3 days after a string of posts here looking at my position
      with relation to my mental, physical, emotional and behavioral limitation, weakness and handicap.

      I felt powerless, helpless and hopeless over the things I cannot control on one hand
      But on the other hand, I am not totally helpless and hopeless
      I just have to focus on the things that I can do.

      Knowing I am impatient and cannot wait when I suffer from anxiety disorder.
      Any feeling of danger, threat, and fear that something bad is going to happen to me will cause me
      to panic and react, I will either fight, flee or freeze and many time I will act out in gambling and alcohol.
      Knowing that the danger, threat and fear is not real and not true
      I can do nothing and wait for the peace and calm to return

      One day at a time.
      I am grateful.

    • #168277
      notyoung56
      참가자

      One moment the money was there
      the next moment the money is gone
      I woke up from my sleep and realize the money is gone
      It was so sudden
      This is what gambling does to me

      I do not wish to let this happen to me again
      The only way to do this is not to have anything to do with gambling

    • #168280
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I have dependents, commitments, and responsibilities
      How can I do things that no one expect me to do such as gambling?

      The feeling I had was heavy
      It was an intense feeling of shock and disgust at my decision and behavior
      I find it hard to understand and forgive myself
      It was a very horrifying feeling
      It felt like I have committed the most serious crime

    • #168304
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Courage to withstand fear and difficulty
      Courage to be brave to do something that is frightening
      Courage or strength to face something that is painful, troubled, sorrow or grief

      This is the time to dig inside me to find what courage and strength is left to walk out of this bottom

    • #168341
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I admit that I am powerless over gambling; that gambling has made my life unmanageable.

      I will be giving up my self-will and ways; I will turn to God’s way
      I will be following good orderly directions; I will follow the 12 steps recovery program
      I will be following my Higher Power; I will follow Jesus Christ

      Recovery is an action plan
      Recovery works if you work it

      Recovery did not work for me because I stop working it
      I did not like to do it; I just need to do it.

    • #168385
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Every single setback, mistake, failure and relapse hit me hard
      They would paralyze me; I can suddenly lose all the energy and will to carry on
      I feel like ending it all

      My situation was not new, I had the same problem every time for more than 20 years
      I would get depressed; I would hit rock bottom each time
      I am better trained, skilled and experience to face the problem now

      The picture is very clear for me; it is a lifelong battle.
      Past success in recovery does not guarantee my future recovery
      Recovery only works for me if I work it
      Once I let my guard down, I will get defeated without fail.

      This phrase is commonly heard in 12 steps meetings, “half measures availed us nothing.”
      When it comes to recovery, a half-hearted attempt could have disastrous results.

      Revelation 2:4-5
      4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.
      5 Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #168398
      notyoung56
      참가자

      my discipline and commitment, my willpower and determination were not good enough
      my endurance, tolerance, stamina and power have a limitation and breaking point, weakness and imperfection
      I need to depend on a power greater than me

    • #168444
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance.
      You have persevered and have endured hardships
      But I have this complaint against you. You have let your guard down; you have stop working your recovery and return to old ways
      Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first.
      If you do not repent, I will come and remove the light in your life

      I am very grateful to have receive this message in the last book from a Higher Power

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #168508
      notyoung56
      참가자

      When my addiction was making noise and was louder than my recovery
      I start to question my strength in recovery for each of them

      1. faithful in staying gamble free – weak
      2. loyal in staying gamble free – weak
      3. obedient in staying gamble free – weak
      4. firm in staying gamble free – weak
      5. committed in staying gamble free – weak
      6. dedicated in staying gamble free – weak
      7. unwavering in staying gamble free – weak
      8. uncompromising in staying gamble free – weak
      9. willingness in staying gamble free – weak
      10. endure hardship and pain in staying gamble free – weak

      They are an area that I need to improve to resist going back to old ways
      At the moment, it didn’t take much to make me gamble

      I have progress for 9 months, but I am back to the same starting point now
      I am unemployed, broke and heavily indebted again
      It was nothing new; everything was the same
      I am worried and stressed; I am trying to remain calm

      I have received a conditional offer for a new job
      and completed my pre-employment medical check up
      I may have to wait for another week before I know whether I am accepted for the job

      I am suffering from anxiety disorder and my skin is giving me problem
      I have panic and become foolish and reckless; I have search for a quick fix and gamble in the past

      I worry because I see no way for me
      It was not strong, but I still have a little faith
      I believe that my Higher Power has a way for me when there is no way
      Turning to Jesus Christ means I have to give up gambling completely
      Am I ready and willing to give up gambling completely?

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #168512
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I feel very unhappy and frustrated to realize that I need to go thru all the inconvenience
      and trouble to monitor my recovery daily exactly like my high blood pressure.

      Doing the following was like taking my medicine every day
      1. I need to talk to God.
      2. I need to ask God for help.
      3. I need to pray to God
      4. I need to read the bible
      5. I need to listen to pray as you go phone application
      6. I need to practice deep breathing exercise

      Answering these questions on my new checklist was like taking my blood pressure measurement
      it can inform me whether my guard is down and whether I am in danger of going back to my old ways.

      Once a scale of 1 to 10 (1 is weak and 10 is strong)
      1. Am I faithful in staying gamble free?
      2. Am I loyal in staying gamble free?
      3. Am I obedient in staying gamble free?
      4. Am I firm in staying gamble free?
      5. Am I committed in staying gamble free?
      6. Am I dedicated in staying gamble free?
      7. Am I unwavering in staying gamble free?
      8. Am I uncompromising in staying gamble free?
      9. Am I willing in staying gamble free?
      10. Am I willing to endure hardship in staying gamble free?
      11. Am I willing to endure pain in staying gamble free?
      12. Am I willing to be patient in staying gamble free?
      13. Am I willing to practice interest before self?
      14. Am I willing to practice principle before personality?
      15. Am I willing to practice love, honesty, humility, compassion, tolerance, and patience with everyone, whether I like them or not?

      It felt like God speaking to me
      I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance.
      You have persevered and have endured hardships
      But I have this complaint against you. You have let your guard down;
      you have stop working your recovery and return to old ways
      Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first.
      If you do not repent, I will come and remove the light in your life

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #168538
      notyoung56
      참가자

      The pain of regret is the worst pain.
      The pain of regret is worse than the pain of discipline.
      It is better for me to feel the pain of discipline than the pain of regret.

      Discipline is to control yourself to not do the things that you shouldn’t be doing,
      even though those are the things that you’d rather do.

      When you are disciplined, you are making a choice to do so.
      It is a conscious effort.
      You have an option whether to gamble, eat healthily and sleep early or not
      because it is all in the present.

      But when you regret something because you were not disciplined, there is nothing you can do
      because it is all in the past.
      You can only suffer until you accept the past and let go.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #168539
      maverick.
      참가자

      Hi notyoung, so very true my friend the pain of regret is so much worse than the pain of discipline, keep staying strong and remember we just need to do what we know makes us happy, staying away from that next bet, if we start again we know where it leads us………. misery and despair, with no hope !

      Wish you well and keep enjoying life as always one day at a time

    • #168552
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Hi Maverick,

      Thank you for the good wishes and advice. I appreciate it very much.

    • #168583
      notyoung56
      참가자

      When I follow me, I, myself
      I do the things that I rather do
      I did not control myself from doing the things that I should not be doing
      I did not stop myself

      I did not act like someone who believe in God
      I did many things that someone who believe in God will not do
      I do not love/treat others like a valuable person
      I do not surrender/give up/offer/sacrifice my lifestyle
      I am lost for words

      When I stop following me, I, myself
      I start to stop myself from doing the things that I like to do
      I start to control myself from doing the things that I should not be doing

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #168614
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I need to check and remind my forgetful mind

      I need to take my medicine
      1. I need to talk to God.
      2. I need to ask God for help.
      3. I need to pray to God
      4. I need to read the bible
      5. I need to listen to pray as you go phone application
      6. I need to practice deep breathing exercise

      I need to check my new checklist whether my guard is down
      and whether I am in danger of going back to my old ways.

      On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 is weak and 10 is strong)
      1. Am I faithful in staying gamble free?
      2. Am I loyal in staying gamble free?
      3. Am I obedient in staying gamble free?
      4. Am I firm in staying gamble free?
      5. Am I committed in staying gamble free?
      6. Am I dedicated in staying gamble free?
      7. Am I unwavering in staying gamble free?
      8. Am I uncompromising in staying gamble free?
      9. Am I willing in staying gamble free?
      10. Am I willing to endure hardship in staying gamble free?
      11. Am I willing to endure pain in staying gamble free?
      12. Am I willing to be patient in staying gamble free?
      13. Am I willing to practice interest before self?
      14. Am I willing to practice principle before personality?
      15. Am I willing to practice honesty, humility, compassion, tolerance, and patience with everyone, whether I like them or not?
      16. Am I willing to love/treat/offer others like a valuable person
      17. Am I willing to surrender/give up/sacrifice my gamble or old ways

    • #168682
      notyoung56
      참가자

      “Compulsive gamblers never win. The temptation will be to go back and chase losses. Bad move as you will end up losing more…” ~ Monica

      Win I chase, lose I chase. The temptation to place the next bet is very strong.

      I ended up losing more every single time when I gamble.

      I am a compulsive gambler; I have never win in the end every time.

      I will either fall into debt if I am debt free or my debt become more bigger if I am already in debt.

    • #168684
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Just when things start to get better
      I get hit by another curve ball in life

      This makes me feel so alone
      I feel that no one can understand what I am going through
      I cannot explain to them why I keep getting into trouble

      Life can be cruel, harder and more painful for some people
      It was not their fault. This is life.

      Journaling help keep me sane
      It helps me to put my next baby step forward

      Every step was heavy for me now

    • #168689
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Dear diary,

      I feel so weak and useless now. I am so sorry.
      This is a time that I need to be brave, courageous and strong but all I show is weakness.
      My honesty and vulnerability were not enough. I need to put in the effort and hard work.
      I need to accept the pain and hardship on the road.
      I need to face the reality, not run away, avoid, hide or escape from them like I always do.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 11 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #168752
      notyoung56
      참가자

      The choices we make dictate the life we lead

      How do we make good choices?

      We make good choices in life when

      1. we weigh up possibilities and consequences,
      2. stay true to our morals and values
      3. ensure that fears and doubts aren’t impacting our decisions.

      I do have choices; I do have the freedom to not gamble

    • #168914
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I am a problem gambler
      Gambling do very shocking thing to me
      The money was there yesterday and gone today
      The bigger the winning the bigger the shock when it disappears

      I am a problem drinker and gambler
      Both made me shiver in extreme fear when I get into trouble
      I lost all my saving and fall into heavy debt with no means to pay back

      I am now allergy to both alcohol and gambling
      They can make me very sick
      I have quit alcohol and gambling

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 10 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #169068
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Year 2023 start with a new opportunity, but I do not have the confident to carry out my duty due to my history and past failures.

      I have found a new job and I wish that I can stay on this job for the rest of the year. Ever since Covid-19 started, I have struggle to keep a job. I have lost 3 jobs last year and was unemployed 5 months.

      I need to provide my family and keep up with my repayment plan in the new year. Last year was not perfect, I have failed many times to do the right thing, but I still manage to keep up with my commitments every month. I am afraid in the new year.

      Dear Heavenly Father, I feel very weak, helpless and useless. I pray for your courage to change me; the courage to be brave; the courage to do the right thing; the courage to accept that I cannot gamble. I am very guilty and ashamed of what I have done in the past; I regret all my wrongdoings; please forgive me for all my sins and have mercy on me. As I continue this journey and living this life, please protect me from all evil and do not let me fall into temptations. May your Will be done, not mine. I pray in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

    • #169097
      notyoung56
      참가자

      5 Steps to Putting Things in Perspective

      1. Ask yourself what the cost and consequence to you are when you react with such intensity.

      For example
      Are you infuriated by small frustrations?
      Anxious about the uncertainty of events?
      Derailed by inconvenience?

      You may be making yourself anxious and angry and making matter worse.
      Fortunately, this can change. You can reduce your stress by seeing things in perspective.

      2. Stand back and observe and describe—don’t judge.

      We usually upset ourselves about our interpretations of events rather than what really happened.

      So write down what happened without your judgments.

      For example, “I lost my job and income”, “I do not have enough money”, “I lost money”.
      Then, think about how extreme your response may be to these events etc. I need to gamble to find a solution to my problem.

      Suspend judgment and just become an observer.
      By observing you detach. This reduces stress.

      3. What can you still do even if this is true? It’s not the end of the world.

      For example, if I have lost my job and income, are there other things that I can do?
      You will quickly learn that your life is unchanged even if this apparently upsetting event has occurred.
      It’s more a preference than a necessity.

      4. How will you feel about this in a week, month, or year?

      My mind will get hijack by over-reaction in the present moment; I will become impulsive and reckless, obsessive and compulsive and then forget about it the next day. This is often what happens to me.
      If you see your intense feelings disappear with time, then give it time. Be patient. This, too, will pass.

      5. Think about the event as an inconvenience.

      It would be nice if everything went your way –but the world is not constructed that way.
      Rather than label it as awful, a disaster, or something you can’t tolerate, think about it as a minor inconvenience. It is an inconvenience and preference—not a necessity.

      Keep in mind that you can alter the way you respond to what is in front of you.
      If you find yourself stressed about everyday events, you may have lost perspective on things.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 10 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 10 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #169101
      notyoung56
      참가자

      deleted

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 10 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 10 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #169104
      notyoung56
      참가자

      When I am in crisis mode, I often feels like I need to respond immediately.

      This has got me into all sort of troubles.

    • #169105
      notyoung56
      참가자

      5 Steps to Putting Things in Perspective

      1. Ask yourself what the cost and consequence to you are when you react with such intensity.

      For example
      Are you infuriated by small frustrations?
      Anxious about the uncertainty of events?
      Derailed by inconvenience?

      You may be making yourself anxious and angry and making matter worse.
      Fortunately, this can change. You can reduce your stress by seeing things in perspective.

      2. Stand back and observe and describe—don’t judge.

      We usually upset ourselves about our interpretations of events rather than what really happened.

      So write down what happened without your judgments.

      For example, “I lost my job and income”, “I do not have enough money”, “I lost money”.
      Then, think about how extreme your response may be to these events etc. I need to gamble to find a solution to my problem.

      Suspend judgment and just become an observer.
      By observing you detach. This reduces stress.

      3. What can you still do even if this is true? It’s not the end of the world.

      For example, if I have lost my job and income, are there other things that I can do?
      You will quickly learn that your life is unchanged even if this apparently upsetting event has occurred.
      It’s more a preference than a necessity.

      4. How will you feel about this in a week, month, or year?

      My mind will get hijack by over-reaction in the present moment; I will become impulsive and reckless, obsessive and compulsive and then forget about it the next day. This is often what happens to me.
      If you see your intense feelings disappear with time, then give it time. Be patient. This, too, will pass.

      5. Think about the event as an inconvenience.

      It would be nice if everything went your way –but the world is not constructed that way.
      Rather than label it as awful, a disaster, or something you can’t tolerate, think about it as a minor inconvenience. It is an inconvenience and preference—not a necessity.

      Keep in mind that you can alter the way you respond to what is in front of you.
      If you find yourself stressed about everyday events, you may have lost perspective on things.

    • #169106
      notyoung56
      참가자

      1. To create a sense of perspective, picture yourself in the future

      When we’re too close to a situation, it’s difficult to put things in perspective.
      We cannot always wait for time to pass in order to gain a sense of perspective.
      When we’re in crisis mode, it often feels like we need to respond immediately.

      The good news is, sometimes we can create that sense of time passing with our own minds.
      People often say, “Think about how you will feel about this next year. Will you still be so stressed?”

      We can’t just wave a magic wand, picture ourselves in the future, and suddenly gain a sense of perspective, especially when we’re scared, angry, sad, or frustrated.

      When you’re trying to gain a sense of perspective by imagining yourself in the future, make sure that you’re in the right headspace to do so. Try to let yourself calm down, get yourself in a safe or more comfortable situation, and be kind to yourself as emotions come up. We always want to validate our feelings now and then just explore.

      Without any judgment, how do you think you’ll feel in a week, or a month, or a year about the situation you’re facing right now?

      You might think in a day or a week that you’ll still be stressed, and that’s okay.
      Maybe you’ll realize that a month from now, or three months from now, or six months from now, the sting of whatever is going on will have faded and you’ll be able to find some peace or closure.
      Are there actions you can take now to get you closer to that state?

      2. The next time you need to put something in perspective, actually give yourself some time to process

      If the event is causing feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, or anything else that could be perceived as negative
      Ask yourself can I wait before I need to take action or respond to whatever is going on?
      Can you give yourself some space and time to cool down and process before making a decision?
      When we’re in crisis mode, it often feels like we need to respond immediately.
      Giving yourself some space and time to cool down can make a huge difference in terms of gaining perspective and a difficult situation.

      3. If you struggle to put things in perspective, a therapist can help

      One great way to put something in perspective is to talk about it, and who better to talk to about what’s going on with you than a therapist?

      A therapist can help you explore solutions, develop ways to cope, consider other things that are going well in your life, work on existing skills or help you develop new skills to get you through tough times, and analyze what might be able to change in your life versus what might be more fixed.

      None of these exercises are easy, but gaining perspective is like a muscle, and the more often you use it, the stronger it will grow.

    • #169300
      notyoung56
      참가자

      The new job has filled up the void left behind by gambling
      It has kept me busy and occupied
      One day at a time, I just need to do my best to keep this job
      I had to be discipline and I need to focus on today or the present
      I have less time to fear that I will fail

      I have struggle to stay on any job in the past
      I truly regret all my wrongdoings in this life
      I feel very guilty of all my sins in the past
      I ask for God’s forgiveness; I pray for God’s mercy and grace.

      I used to be very self-righteous
      I used to believe that God only help those who help themselves
      Today I pray for God to help me because I could not stay change for long.
      I was like the dog that return to its vomit or the pig that rolled in the mud
      When I was stress, I gamble.

      This new job provided me abundant free time to read.

      Matthew 6:33 ESV “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

      Matthew 6:34, New World Translation. “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”— Matthew 6:34, New International Version. Jesus, who spoke those words, assured his listeners that they would not need to be overly worried, or unduly anxious, about future problems.

      Matthew 6:25-34.

      “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

      Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.

      Are you not of more value than they?

      And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

      And why are you anxious about clothing?

      Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,

      yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

      Matthew 6:1-4 ESV “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others.

    • #169301
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I woke up today feeling like everything happen yesterday
      I miss someone I lost 30 years ago.
      I was looking at my past

      I made myself stop looking at my past
      Then I look at my future and I start to fear
      My commitments look too much for me to handle
      I do not have the means and the ability

      This is a familiar situation
      I do not know how I can finish this year
      As long as I keep trying
      As long as I do not stay down for too long
      As long as I continue this journey
      I always finish the year
      I need to work hard today.

    • #169305
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I woke up today feeling like everything happen yesterday
      I miss someone that I lost 30 years ago.
      I was looking at my past

      I force myself to stop looking at my past immediately
      Next thing I know, I cannot help looking at my future
      and I start to fear because my commitments look like too much for me to handle
      I do not have the means and the ability

      This was a familiar situation
      I do not know how I can complete the task this year
      As long as I keep trying
      As long as I do not stay down for too long
      As long as I continue to take the next baby step forward
      I always finish the year

      I need to keep my eye on today.
      I need to work hard today.

    • #169465
      notyoung56
      참가자

      This is a fact and the truth. I have lost 3 jobs and was unemployed for 5 months last year. It was a big struggle for me to stay on the job and I do not wish the same thing to happen this year.

      10 days has passed on the new job. I have work with 3 other senior at work and everyone have slept on the job. I knew this will be a challenge for me on the job but if I want to keep this job, I need to do whatever it takes to stay awake at work.

      I need the job to have the means to provide for the family and service my loans every month.

      I will lose about 16 hours a day due to work related activities leaving me with 8 hours or less for sleep, any other activity will eat into my sleeping time and if I eat before I sleep, it will keep me awake, I will struggle to sleep. I am developing discipline for sleeping and I have become less compulsive in eating.

      I realized that this new job was a blessing in disguise. Now I can clean myself, eat, sleep on time. I have less distraction every day, I can actually find time to do a little reading, something that I could not do in the past. It has help me to be more discipline and become less compulsive. I can feel that I am slowly developing and growing strength in these areas.

      I have added so much fear, stress, worries and anxiety into my life which was the consequences of my gambling, and I have taken for granted and lost my freedom and peace.

      I prayed for God given courage to work hard today one day at a time. I felt thankful and grateful for this opportunity.

      My wish is simple, it is my dream now if I could carry on these good habits over the last 10 days for the rest of the year. I need to stay focus for the rest of the year.

      This light is giving me hope in all the darkness.

    • #169690
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I discover that my employment problem was caused by myself.
      I was looking for work in all the wrong places.
      I keep looking for job that was not suitable for me.
      no matter how hard I work, no matter how much additional time and effort I put in,
      I still cannot catch up with the rest, I was slow, not productive and struggling on the job.

      It took the current job to confirm everything. It was all about job fit and suitability.
      I am experiencing less stress and getting paid more now.
      I only took 3 days and not 3 months to adapt and fit into this new job.

      Before this happen, I was beginning to doubt myself.
      I lose so many jobs that I start to believe that it was my fault.
      I start to blame myself for losing all those jobs that was so hard for me to get.

      Each time I lose a job, I will gamble to cope with the pain and that did not help me.
      Losing everything I had in gambling makes it worst and more painful, it was a bad decision.

      This is a journey of discovery. I am learning how to live life.
      I am learning from my mistakes. I am making changes to cope with my old problems.

      Today I was hit by the curve ball in life again.
      I was shocked when I find myself looking at returning to old way and giving up my new way.
      I ask myself why I suddenly want to gamble today. What have change. How can this happen to me –
      I could be tired, I could be unwell or sick
      the hormones in my body or the chemical in my brain may have change.
      I really do not know. I could be weak today and I didn’t know.

      I need to keep the new way. My old ways are wrong.
      I need to work hard and focus on the job just for today, one day at a time.
      I need to work hard to keep my recovery just for today, one day at a time.

      One moment I did not pay attention on the road of my recovery, I would slip into old ways.
      This is a reality and the truth. It is a fact. This is my struggle.

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    • #169696
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Am I looking at the wrong place again?
      On a second look, I do feel more relax, less anxious, fearful, stressful and worried now.

      Have I lower my guard, vigilant, alert and protection?
      Am I getting relax, complacent and careless?
      I am afraid my answer is Yes to the above questions.

      My answer to “should I gamble today” should be a firm and decisive No
      and Not: Yes and No Maybe, Yes and No but…
      I should not feel that the warning, the law, the guideline, the rule is mean for other people and not for me.

      My ways are wrong!
      I need to pay attention, I cannot be lazy to spot sign of lapses in my recovery.

    • #169697
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I have started to read recently.

      Numbers 14:11
      Yahweh said to Moses, How long will this people despite me? and how long will they not believe in me, for all the miraculous signs which I have performed among them.

      Deuteronomy 17:16
      The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself or make the people return to Egypt to get more of them, for the Lord has told you, “You are not to go back that way again.”

      Deuteronomy 4:2 NIV
      Do not add to what I command you and do not subtract from it, but keep the commands of the Lord your God that I give you

      Exodus 23:8
      Do not accept a bribe, for a bribe blind those who see and twists the words of the righteous

      If I sin again and again, does this mean I have not truly repented?

      Repent does not mean “to apologize” it means to acknowledge my way is wrong and God’s way is right. Repentance is a major theme.

      Mathew 3:8
      Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.
      If we’ve decided that we’re done with the old ways, and have come to God for forgiveness and experienced His deep inner work in us and the renewing of our minds, it will and must show on the outside – in how we now choose to live.

    • #169727
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I admit that my ways are wrong.
      How do I choose to live after I admit that my ways are wrong?

      Just for Today:
      If I want to keep this job, I need to work hard.
      If I need money, I do not go back to gambling.
      If I truly repent, I will give up my old ways and lead a new way of life.

      My life is a problem if I have not learnt how to repent.
      After I admit that my ways are wrong; I am willing to change.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 10 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #169968
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Bad thing can happen when I am not gambling,
      and some days can be difficult.

      I have faced many DISRUPTIONS and DISTRACTIONS in my gamble free recovery.
      They have DAMAGE and DESTROY my gamble free recovery many times over the years.

      These disruptions and distractions had caused my recovery to DECLINE, DETERIORATE, and DECAY.
      It has caused my recovery to weaken, lose strength, fall apart and DISINTEGRATED many times.

      I need to be careful of the distraction and disruption to my recovery that can happen.
      They can be very DESTRUCTIVE to my recovery.
      Be warn and beware of the disruptions and distractions.

      I am grateful, appreciative and thankful when the road was straight and smooth going
      It is not always that way.

    • #169971
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Yesterday has passed. Tomorrow has not come.
      My past and future were a big distraction.
      It has brought me great fear, stress, worries, and anxieties.

      I need to stay very focus on today.
      I need to do whatever it takes not to relapse today.

      I need to work hard today to keep my recovery and my job.
      Tomorrow I shall do the same.

      I do it “One day at a time”

    • #170072
      charles
      중재자

      Hi, notyoung. You are right, there is nothing we can do to change the past. We also need to not gamble today, with gambling one day at a time is achieveable.

      Some thigns we can plan for though, some things it”l help our recovery to plan for.

      We might plan how we are going to keep ourselves safe when the next payday comes.
      We might plan the strategy we will use the next time we get any gambling thoughts.
      We can plan how we are going to fill our time tomorrow so that both that time and our thoughts are filled away from gambling.
      There is a big race meetign coming up in UK in a couple of months – I will certainly plan ahead how I will be spending that week and which TV/radio I will be listening to so that I am less likly to hear anyrhing about it.
      There are also some thing we may need to do that require planning – holidays, weekends away, a meal out with friends and family – not gambling one day at a time allows us to plan those things knowing that we will have been less likely to have blown our money the day before.

      Some of the things we love to do and plan for are also what shows us the benefits of recovery and make it worth the effort of continuing to work recovery.

      Keep posting and continue to be gamble free, one day at a time. We all enjoy different things and I hope you get to plan some of the thigns you love to do away from gambling.

    • #170079
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Hi Charles,

      Thank you very much for sharing your valuable experience and advise.

    • #170080
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I did not need any substance or winnings from gambling to feel high today.

      A few weeks ago, I was so worried, stressed,
      fearful and anxious where my next income is going to come from
      I do not have any money to service my every month commitments.

      I am so thankful to be employed today.
      I am very grateful for the mercy and grace from God.
      I have never felt this happy, high and satisfied for a long time.
      I feel very secure and calm knowing that a salary is waiting for me.
      something enough to cover my needs for this month.

      It was a manageable job, the income was enough,
      and I do not experience the same kind of fear and stress that I received from the last few jobs I lost recently.

      I really do not wish to fall into the trap of taking things for granted.
      I am willing to work hard to protect my gamble free recovery and my job today.
      I do this one day at a time.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 9 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #170098
      notyoung56
      참가자

      It was a distraction, and it threaten to spoil my mood today. It was about some thing, some one or some place imperfect. I want to fix the situation and fix it quick but I found out I could not fix the problem immediately.

      When I was troubled by a bigger problem, I could not pay attention to all the small problems. I cannot notice them. When I have a big problem, I was more than happy to accept and live with all the small problems peacefully. I only want the big problem to go away but after I have fixed my big problem, I allow my small problem to become the biggest problem I ever had. I would lose my peace, become disturb and unhappy.

      I have a very bad habit of losing my happiness, gratitude and contentment very quickly by chasing after something I do not have and losing everything I have in the end. It was so painful.

      I cannot keep on chasing and wanting more and more. I need to stay focus and work hard to keep and protect what I have today.
      I can only do it one day at a time.

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    • #170309
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I could not read the bible after doing it for 6 months. I could not do it for 4 months in my previous employment. I was too worried, stressed, fearful, and anxious by the job. I lost that job in the end, and I still could not read the bible for 1 month before I start the current one. I was too worried, stressed, fearful, and anxious after I lost my employment and income.

      My new job offered me a lot of personal, quiet, peaceful, calm time with little or no distraction to continue reading from where I last stop. I feel very happy and grateful for this newly found time and opportunity to heal my wound and recover.

      And I would not be able to understand and relate to many things I read if I had not experienced all the curve balls thrown at me in life.

      I will continue my recovery from where I stop last time.

      Isaiah 31:1 King James Version (KJV)
      “Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the LORD!”

      Deuteronomy 17:16 New International Version
      16 The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself or make the people return to Egypt to get more of them, for the Lord has told you, “You are not to go back that way again.”

      My problem
      I did not seek God first; I trust myself more, I listen to me, and I seek my ways.

      I admit that my ways are wrong.
      my ways had made my life unmanageable.
      my ways did not work.

      I need to seek a Higher Power and way first.
      I need to trust a Higher Power and way.
      I believe that a Higher Power and way can change me and restore me to a normal way of thinking and living.

      My ways did not work.
      I change and give up my way.
      I follow a new way.

      If I need help, I must not go back to Egypt, I must not go that way.
      If I am depressed, I must not take alcohol, I must not go that way.
      If I feel helpless, discourage, and hopeless, I must not gamble, I must not go that way.
      If I feel frustrated, disappointed, impatient, I must not gamble, I must not go that way.
      If I need money, I must not gamble, I must not go that way.
      If I am bored and lonely, I must not use the slot machine, I must not go that way.

      When I face a bigger and stronger enemy –
      some situations, some thing, some place, some person I cannot change.
      When I have heavy responsibilities, fall sick, huge debt, lost my job and income, face difficult people.
      When I am worried, stressed, fearful, and anxious,
      I must not gamble.

      I need to work hard today to protect and keep my recovery.
      It was just too easy to take for granted and feel a stupid false sense of security and safety.
      When I become complacent.
      When my guard is down.
      When I am not alert.
      When I become lazy and careless.
      When I do not pay attention.
      I can so easily slip and lose everything.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 9 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #170525
      notyoung56
      참가자

      What are the enemy bigger and stronger mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually than me that I am facing right now?

      I read in the bible…

      As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

      Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16

      I read in the 12 steps of Gamblers Anonymous…

      Step 4 – Made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves.

      Step 5 – Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

      In Step 4, you are challenged emotionally with the prospect of confronting the fear and pain that comes with taking a moral and financial inventory.

      In the 4th Step, you undergo the painful process of facing and confronting your wrongs.

      Often called the “confession” step, Step 5 “admit to a Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrong.”

      Step 5 is where the recovery turns from taking stock of the past to start building a new, healthier future.

      In the 5th Step, you sit down with one or more other people and confess everything to get it all out in the open.

      I need to work harder today to protect and keep my recovery. I love my recovery in the month of January.

      When I become complacent; when my guard is down, when I am not paying attention. I can so easily slip and lose my recovery in the month of February.

      What have I been doing that has help me in the past but have not been doing lately or could have done better?

      Gambling Therapy has been a great help, this site allows me to process my thought and journal on the subject.

      My problem
      I have become less discipline lately; I have started eating before I sleep, it is making me lazy and tired and causing me difficulty to fall asleep and wake up on time. I am beginning to act out for quick relief and escape from suffering, stress and anxiety.

      It would be so pointless and fruitless for me to lose everything I have in the process of chasing after something I do not have.

      It was so tempting to be lazy and stop the good work and habit I started doing in January. They say the best advice was the one I do not want to listen and do. I did not stay up and active before I sleep in most part of January, I give up surfing internet when it was time to sleep. I drank water if I feel like eating before I sleep, I choose to eat after I wake up.

      I remember reading…

      “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. Mathew 16:24

      “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not me.” Luke 22:42

      “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise. John 5:19

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    • #170529
      notyoung56
      참가자

      My understanding

      Step 1
      I admit that my ways are wrong.
      my ways had made my life unmanageable.
      my ways did not work.

      Step 2
      I need to seek a Higher Power and Way first.
      I need to trust a Higher Power and Way.
      I believe that a Higher Power and Way can change and restore me.

      Step 3
      I change.
      I give up my way.
      I was convinced and willing.
      I follow a new way.

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 9 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #170535
      notyoung56
      참가자

      I read about these 12 Promises in AA 12 steps before they happen to me.

      It then lists down 12 promises of deliverance.

      “If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.”

      1. “We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.”

      2. “We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.”

      3. “We will comprehend the word serenity

      4. “We will know peace.”

      5. “No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.”

      6. “That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.”

      7. “We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.”

      8. “Self-seeking will slip away

      9. “Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.”

      10. “Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.”

      11. “We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.”

      12. “We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.”

      • 이 답변은 notyoung56에 의해 1 년, 9 월 전에 수정됐습니다.
    • #170677
      notyoung56
      참가자

      In my gambling days, I was facing problem brought by gambling.
      In my gamble free days, I was facing problem that leads me to gambling.

    • #170679
      notyoung56
      참가자

      As hard as I try, January was a good month but not a perfect month for me.
      Towards the end when life got better. I became over-confident and relax.
      I stop putting in more effort and hard work.
      I was becoming complacent; my guard was down.
      I stop paying attention to little things.
      I stop doing my best to protect my recovery.

      No one is watching – I have freedom – I can do anything I like.
      I cannot resist eating at the wrong time,
      I cannot resist staying active when I should be sleeping and resting.
      The temptation was strong.

      Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
      Mathew 26:41

      My old ways are wrong, they are self-destructive and a bad habit.
      It was easy to be lazy, I just stop putting in effort and hard work.

      Some says the first day was not easy.
      The first day after I return to healthy way,
      and stop eating at the wrong time, and sleeping on time,
      I receive the biggest shock.

      I woke up late for work the next day.
      The thing I fear most happen,
      it was not supposed to end up this way.
      It affected my confident and emotions very badly.

      I can plan, but it did not work out according to my plan.
      Am I going to give up and stop doing the right thing?
      Am I going to continue to do the right thing unconditionally regardless of the outcome?

      I need to put in more effort and hard work to protect my recovery.
      I need to be more careful. I need to check and double check.

      I need a Higher Power and Way to help me do the thing I cannot do.

      2 good days has passed since I woke up late for work in February.

      One day at a time
      I need to “Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation.”

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    • #170691
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Incident 2
      I was late for work, and as I walk out of the station, I remove my surgical mask and put it inside the right pocket in my jacket and pull out my hand.
      I did not see anything, but I can feel a piece of wastepaper falling out. I continue walking and ignore what happen, I may have accidentally dropped a litter.
      I was already on the next level of the building, I could feel a powerful force inside my body, it was guiding me, and I felt very uncomfortable when I did not listen to this Higher Power because I do not want to do it and continue walking to my working destination. The feeling was so uncomfortable that I actually turn around and go back to double check. I return to the same spot at the basement level to take a look and I saw a familiar piece of wastepaper belonging to me, I pick it up and throw it into the rubbish bin. The uncomfortable feeling immediately disappears after I did the right thing.
      I wanted to resist and continue with my ways, but I felt very uncomfortable and give up my wrong way.
      I was attracted to do wrongs, but this Power stop me from wrongdoing, and help me to do what I did not want to do or could not do on my own.
      Some call this conscience which is a person’s moral sense of right and wrong acting as a guide to one behaviour.

      Can I lose my conscience?

      After making one bad, destructive, dishonest choice after another to gamble and finding excuses and reasons justifying why I was right and reasonable to gamble so many times. I have successfully bend, twisted, distorted, and change my moral compass so much that I lose my moral sense of right and wrong direction which guide my behavior and action, no matter how terrible it was in my mind.

      I hit a new bottom when I was not behaving like a human being anymore but a cornered animal, when I was so desperate to survive by whatever means; I will do and say anything to get what I want so that I can continue to gamble without thinking about the immediate effect on others or the long-term consequences for everyone including myself.

      If you are like me, “It’s not that you are not aware, it is more like you do not care enough anymore.

      I have lost my conscience and forget what it feels like after so many years.
      I was so surprised to experience and recognize this strong feeling again.

      I am grateful to my Higher Power. Thank you for the mercy and grace, and the spiritual awakening of my conscience after so long.

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    • #170704
      notyoung56
      참가자

      Law is a rule defining the correct procedure and behavior.

      Rules is a set of regulations or principles, code of practice and discipline to control conduct or procedure over an area or people.

      Command and Order is a statement made by a person with authority that tells someone to do something.

      Instruction is a direction, order, information about how something should be done or operated.

      Recipe is a set of instruction that lead to an outcome.

      Guideline is a general rule, principle or advice on how something should be done.

      Directions are instruction or guideline that you give someone to find a place.

      Suggestion is an idea or plan put forward for consideration.

      Basic principle is a basic fundamental truth that serve as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior.

      Just a thought:

      Does it help if I was not given a choice and a freedom to decide?
      If I break or did not follow the law, rule, command, order, instruction.
      I will have to face sanction, punishment or the consequences.
      A Higher Power help me to decide.

      When I play God
      I get into all kind of mess and troubles.
      I could not tell or cannot see the difference between what is right and wrong?
      I do not know or was unsure of what I can do and cannot do?
      I make bad choices and decisions.

      If they do not force me to follow a suggestion, advice, direction, guideline,
      I will struggle to follow them when things get tough and difficult, painful and hard.

      Is it such a good thing to let me decide if I do not have the wisdom to make my own decision.
      I did not do all the thing that I must do in recovery.
      I did all the thing that I must not do in recovery.
      11 days recovery turned into a 40 years journey for me.

      Did I enjoy my freedom of choice?

      I must learn how to trust and obey.

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