Gambling Therapy logo

Hi Lily,

I see you are working hard on the forums at the minute. Thought it was worth an update.

Ahhh Friday. Up until 1.30 everything was running smoothly…ish.

Thursday had been CG’s big blow out. All of the wages were gone. Apparently he got up to around £800 in cash in his wallet. That all went on roulette. Big promises that he has £1500 coming in from his online account (believe that if you will).

After a nothing morning from CG, suddenly started getting very uplifting messages from CG, the excitement of the gamble was kicking in. Right on the stroke of the first race at cheltenham i got a message about how i made him feel like scum and he wasnt coming. I reacted. overcompensating and desperately trying to reassure (damn you codependency).

Then nothing.

Then the horse I knew he was going to back big fell. More messages about how i made him feel worthless. This time a more sensible approach from me. I replied saying that I was too busy at work to reply properly but I would see him where we had arranged to meet after work.

I prepared myself for getting the train. But he was there. looking the worst for wear but he was present. Obviously with no money and a world of excuses.

My weekend with my family was lovely. He was engaged and nice with them. I know forced family events arent comfortable for addicts so i appreciated the effort. And he did make a lot of effort. but the lack of money bothered me. having to watch him look sheepish that he couldnt pay for a round of drinks, us being restricted in what we did during the rest of the weekend. I find it so tough not to bail him out and pay in those situations.

As I said, it was a very me focused weekend and i think that I will be moving closer to my parents for work and this wont be something that CG will be able to do, so i think this may be as far as our relationship goes. There’s only so long I can wait for something more from him and that isnt going to change, so i have to do what is best for me, even though it would break my heart, perhaps it is for the best.

A lot of emotions going around at the minute. A lot of worry about the future and I can feel the codependency and anxiety rearing its ugly head again.

Gosh dating a gambler is hard… logic x